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/r/confidence's
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The most popular Products mentioned in /r/confidence:
The most popular Services mentioned in /r/confidence:
Calm.com
Buffer
Photofeeler
Coursera
Mochi
Buzzsprout
The most popular reviews in /r/confidence:
The book Models by Mark Manson has helped me quite a bit and has given a lot of people a better understanding of what people mean by "be confident". Also The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane seems to be pretty good from what I've read of it.
1.) Yes. I took a public speaking class only because I feared public speaking and wanted to overcome that fear. It worked. I still get nervous about public speaking and am nowhere close to being the best public speaker, but I am not afraid anymore. I encourage you to take a PS class. If you cannot attend one for any reason, my PS professor has an online version of the course for free to anyone. You can find it here. I highly recommend it.
2.) The lack of confidence is what makes things look hard or scary. Once you develop confidence, you won't even look back at this post. Hard and scary things become attractive and you go after them!
3.) Before taking the PS class, I read numerous articles about confidence and still read them occasionally to learn about new perspectives. Other than a PS class, I recommend going to the gym. That's the easiest way to build confidence. PS being the most effective way.
Ok I had some social anxiety in the past and I have felt a fair share of depression as well; what has helped me is meditation. I used to be the kind of person who thought that meditation was a waste of time. I would attempt to meditate, get pissed off that I was thinking too much, get angry than give up. I have practiced meditation for a couple months now, and im starting to further understand the actual effects of it; I think it will really benefit you. What meditation does, is it helps you further live in the moment. People are constantly thinking... your nervousness/ timidness/ discomfort when it comes to being the center of attention is ultimately caused by thinking (of course), but more precisely overthinking. Meditation ultimately allows you to filter and control your thoughts. It also allows you to settle down and in my sake, realize that nothing is wrong with the moment that I am living in. I am a very nervous, timid, and overthinking person, meditation has helped me overcome these issues and I think it can help you. Also, take deep breaths from your diaphragm. This means having your stomach, (instead of your chest), pop out when you breath. WHenever you get nervous, take some deep breaths from your diaphragm and you will immediately feel better, at least that's how it is for me. Get your mind off of things that stress you out. Here's a meditation website that might help you out. take care https://www.calm.com/meditate/qK3IeqhiJP
Man, I'm gonna give you some advice about liking girls.
No matter how much you think you like this girl, the next one will be even better. Seriously. So many times in my life I've thought "nah, no way it gets any better than this girl. I simply can't do better." And then you do, man. I promise you.
Do this, while she's not texting you go do some push-ups, order a cool book off amazon (my recommendation is How to <em>Win Friends and Influence People</em>. If you can't pay for it, just get the audible trial and use it as your free book. Then, immediately cancel. You'll still get the free month, but not get charged at the end.)
You have a lot of time to develop skills and a personality and this is the time to do it, go for it champ.... and don't spend it worrying about some girl.
You got this.
I’d highly recommend The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. In it, you’ll find digestible and actionable steps to improve your self-esteem.
I too suffer from the same sense of “not enough”. I haven’t even finished reading it and I’m blown away by the progress I’ve made since starting.
It’s the most valuable $13 I’ve ever spent.
Hi a little advice: Leave the darkness, step into the light and challenge your confidence. Once you get used to the attention, your confidence will eventually develop. Check this out for the whole short talk. https://www.buzzsprout.com/1142096/episodes/4257059
It makes me sad when you say that you have no one to talk to, because I feel your pain. I am a very secluded person and have struggled with loneliness and confidence for a long while now, recently I have found something that has really made a difference in my life - meditation. It sounds stupid, but it honestly really works. Im not trying to judge or make a misconception, but just by the way that you type, I sense that you don't practice meditation, or you have tried it, but you felt that it just "wasn't for you". My friend, please give it a try. I used to have practically no confidence, especially when it came to girls. I overthinked sooo much, it was killing me. Funny story- (sorry bro i like typing things)- I was a self conscious bitch with no confidence at a highschool dance sophomore year, and everyone was grinding. Due to my overthinking, I was mentally unable to grind with girls. Did I want to grind with a girl? Yes, but i couldent because of all these thoughts going through my head, "what if she denies me", "what if i pop a boner", "what if im grinding wrong", These thoughts, these insecurities are the source of a lack of confidence. (atleast they are for me, everyones different, hopefully this is helping :D) What meditation essentially does, is it allows you to filter your thoughts. It also helps you settle down and "smell the roses". For some reason, I always think that something is inherently wrong with who I am. I overthink about something stupid I socially did at school, or I think that I am a bad person who does/ thinks about stupid and worthless things.... Meditation allows me to settle down and realize that nothing is wrong with me. In the moment, i am content with my life because of meditation. I feel that it could help you as well. Check out r/meditation and this website sometimes helps me: https://www.calm.com/meditate/qK3IeqhiJP . Take it easy bro and good luck.
I use photofeeler to rate all my tinder pictures.
The main idea is that you post your photo(s) there, and they get rated by people anonymously based on the topic. If you don't want to pay for it, you basically vote on other people's pictures to help them out and the karma will come back to you after maybe a day per picture.
The key part is anonymity; your friends will be too nice, reddit will be savage for the sake of, and tinder itself will ignore your potentially terrible photos. Find your best photos but be prepared to take new ones if they're not as good as you thought, they have some really good advice on the blog about taking good photos.
Good luck mate!
This is something that I have overcome in my life, so let me share a bit of what worked for me.
I was a chronically shy person. At school I hardly ever talked to anyone. But, I became a tour guide, where my job is to literally talk to people, often for hours. I'm now 20 years+ into this line of work, so I've overcome my issues with talking a long time ago, but it took a lot of effort. Here is what worked for me:
- Most people love to talk about themselves, so if you're in a conversation, the easiest way to not need to do most of the talking is to ask lots of questions. This first point can get you a long way. People will actually like you more, even think you're more interesting just because you're making them feel smart or interesting.
- Develop good listening skills. Look at this post (on the buffer blog) for some helpful advice.
- Read and learn. If you gain knowledge, you'll start to be more interesting, and that will give you confidence. This helped me immensely.
- Realize that most people have their own insecurities. If you think everyone else is way above you in some way, you'll always have a hard time. But, deep down, they're a lot like you. It might come out in different ways, but they're all just people, just like you. You can try a trick from publish speaking. Imagine them standing there in their underwear. They're just another person.
Hey life is very hard and I personally can relate to a lot of your struggles. Not everyone has talents and gifts that are as definable as say an NBA player. But every gift/strength is essential to our society. I would encourage you to read the book Strengths Finder 2.0 StrengthsFinder 2.0 https://www.amazon.com/dp/159562015X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_GFDKBEGKN3WR5TEC9G1Q
Make sure it has the access code.
Probably the best strength a person can possess for humanity is empathy.
You might try something like Tae Kwon Do in exchange for joy-jitsu or in addition to. The tenants of Tae Kwon Do is patience, perseverance and indomitable spirit.
The book A purpose driven life by Rick Warren is another great asset. You have a very valuable tool in your family. You should take the time to have the relationship that you needed through your children. Think about it and let it heal you from what you missed out on.
Hang in there and best wishes!
Self deprecating humor has it’s place in a confident mindset but it’s harmful when you actually believe that you are flawed. We all have strengths and weaknesses and the ability to laugh at yourself is a strength but putting yourself down is a weakness.
We have control over our thoughts and we learn how to think. I suggest that you read the book: StrengthsFinder 2.0 https://www.amazon.com/dp/159562015X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_AUzeGbP66S3TX
And learn your strengths and weaknesses (you are probably very aware of your weaknesses but the book presents them in a manner which isn’t defeating.)
After learning about your strengths begin appreciating them. Create a go to thought about how useful these strengths are and when doubt creeps in change to your go to thought. The first few times will be awkward but it gets easier and the time between negative thoughts will quickly decline.
Our brains are chemistry sets. It responds on impulses and hormones. It receives roughly the same impulses and hormones for negative thoughts as it does positive thoughts so feed it positive thoughts.
Having a girlfriend is an asset but it is unfair to her to rely upon her to fill your needs. We need validation and we need acceptance. Learn to give this to yourself and you will compliment your relationship, rather than drain it.
I recommend this book: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0767921968/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_7QKZFbND77GP8
It really isn’t about you or your lack of anything. She made it about you to excuse her behavior. You made it more about yourself because you only have control over yourself.
I can empathize with you. My husband won’t make a decision about little stuff. I joke about it saying things like good lord I didn’t realize that being married meant that I would have to plan every dinner we eat for the rest of our lives. I normally get a deer in the head lights look. On a whole it’s not a big deal. My husband has so many amazing qualities that he can have a pass here. I am sure you do as well. I think the biggest thing is that you need to feel more confident in knowing that your husband has your back. The only way this will happen is if you communicate with your husband. You have to be able to trust him or your going to implode. I suggest starting small. A conversation like “I’ve been really thinking a lot about ways to improve my self esteem, can you support me with this?” Or even ask him for a few ways you can improve. You don’t need to micro analyze it but turn to him for support.
Another thing is to get a good understanding about your gifts. A good book to read:Strengths Based Marriage: Build a Stronger Relationship by Understanding Each Other's Gifts https://www.amazon.com/dp/0718083628/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DnjLFbTBRFNZB. Take some of the quizzes and get to understand your strengths. In my marriage if my family’s survival relied on my ability to fix a lawn mower we would be doomed. Luckily my husband has this covered. He has his strengths and I have mine. If our survival relied on his ability to remember his mother’s birthday (which happens to be his own) we would die. Luckily I have his back in this corner. Your husband doesn’t need a clone of himself. He has strengths and weaknesses too. He needs you to compliment him to empower him and you need him to do the same in return.
I think you have a misconception of confidence, happiness and depression. It is completely normal for you to be unhappy, depressed and have your confidence questioned after a breakup. I encourage you to think of each component separately. Some journaling could really help. Start with happiness. Accept that you alone are responsible for your own happiness and write things that make you happy. Confidence is interpreted by an outward expression but ultimately it is inside in our boundaries (personal and outward) and our respect (again personal and outward). Lastly depression is tricky. It can be useful in part because it gives you the desire to self reflect. It can be destructive when it’s prolonged or compounded. I really recommend the book it’s called break up because it’s broken It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0767921968/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_75ZGFbNQMKH39
This is a light hearted reflection on tools to use during breakups. I also recommend that you do an online depression survey once a week until you feel fine. If you score in the risk zone please talk to a professional.
I would advise you to read How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
I haven't read it yet but there's a reason that it sold 15 MILLION copies so there must be something in there that works. And unless we put those things into action and do trial and error, we're never going to get out of where we are now and explore what's beyond this area of our lives.
Hey Booster, I got some good news and bad news.
The bad news is that the path to achieving true confidence is tough and not linear.
The good news is that it's also readily achievable, if you're actually willing to put in the work.
From what you've written, it sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what your "problems" and "deficiencies" are. You're conscious of the things that you do wrong and seem to be hyper aware of every possible bad situation that could occur.
This may sounds counterintuitive, but I think this is actually a positive quality that you have. Why? Because for every problem you have, you can also easily identify the solution.
Don't have any hobbies? Explore what interests you and develop some!
Out of shape? Join a gym and work out!
Dress poorly? Join r/malefashionadvice and invest in a wardrobe.
Suck at talking to girls? Read Models by Mark Manson and visit the top posts on r/seduction.
The point is that, as a fellow college student, we are very prone to anxiety and fomo. But we have to maintain perspective. Things are (in reality) much better than we think and we actually have a lot going for us.
Do yourself the favor of taking my advice and I have no doubt that you'll thrive in college.
Sincerely, a college freshman.
Study, study, study. I would recommend reading Think and Grow Rich as well as Creative Visualization. Confidence is a state of mind brought about by absolute certainty. It's something you can control. Confident people are able to accomplish great feats because of their unwaivering faith that they can can accomplish what they choose to do. It's a learnt behavior.
Dr. Martin Seligman, did psychology work on explaining depression, his book is called Learned Optimism, if you're interested. One of the things he found was that depression is a direct result of the perception that one has no control over factors in their life, especially ones that cause pain. It becomes a state of what he terms, "learned helplessness." Even when the ability to end the discomfort was present, the subjects (dogs) wouldn't leave the pen unless they were shown HOW to walk out of it... literally by helping them walk. If you're in the "pen of discomfort" looking out at the other dogs, you will have a very deterministic philosophy and believe that they are somehow meant to be better/luckier/smarter/stronger/richer than you, and it's your lot in life to suffer.
16 can be a very difficult age. I remember how unsure of myself and who I was. But don't allow a "hard-line deterministic viewpoint" to poison you for the rest of your life, or allow it to prevent you from having great experiences with women, work and happiness.
I'm a woman who has struggled with confidence and self-esteem almost all my life. Just recently I started reading this book called Mindset by Carol Dweck. I haven't finished the book yet, but here's my biggest take-away so far: anything you don't like, you can change. Nothing is impossible. It requires time and effort and a change in mindset. Believe that you CAN change! You are just 18 and have your whole life ahead of you! Those changes will be worth your time and effort and reap rewards for the future starting today. And enjoy the journey ��.
Hey man, only saw this now, here it is! The book will be free to download from 18.8 to 20.8 and I would be very grateful for an honest review :) Hope you like it, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074THCYCT
Here you go man, took me a while, but here it is! It will be free to download from 18.8 to 20.8, so don't miss it :) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074THCYCT I would be gratefull for an honest review on the site, if you'll find the time :)
Try GIVING bro. You don't have to give away your things or money but as long as it helps someone else or fixes there issue, doing something for someone else ect. You will feel it return in your everyday life. The happiness from giving, you cant gain from anything else. Also get a routine going. Perhaps an evening routine but morning is essential. I would recommend someone like Tony Robbins or Stephan Pylarinos (Project Life Mastery) to find out more about this but in my opinion meditation/juicing/drinking water and priming you body is essential for everyday life. At the end of any morning ritual I may persue, I then feel at peak state. The most energised healthy positive state i can be. And when i say energised i mean ENERGISED. I literally have the energy to do anything and i get so much more done throughout the day. Its great! Also i would recommend a healthy nutritious diet, what you eat and the amount of sugar intake really affects your mood and how you feel. Try these techniques and i promise you will be a different person. If you need any help on social confidence here's a link for a book that changed my life. I know you mention self confidence but this book has got me more social than ever, after a while of using this techniques my life changed, give it a read my friend https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N4N2YOY
My sympathies! I struggle with this too, so I know how much it sucks. I've recently been able to get a bit better with self confidence, though, and you definitely can too. I think you'll get useful advice that should, among other things, help you boost your self confidence out of this MOOC and this book.
I'm not sure if this could be true for you as it is for me but I think you have a problem with accepting compliments and giving credit where it is due. Check this book out when you have the time: The Artist's Way
What you are, what you're capable of, and what you have achieved ain't no joke, man, and the sooner you realize and accept that, the sooner you'll be able to regain a sense of confidence on who you are. At least, that is what I believe.
Also, it would be super helpful if you can write down your thoughts on a journal, or maybe you can meditate for at least a minute or two (or more if you want) everyday, so you can take note of your thought patterns. Perhaps you'll be able to discover the reason behind your low self-esteem.
I would check out this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947
Breaks it down pretty completely.
If you are confident, you will definitely be more charismatic.
Man you've got nothing to worry about. I had confidence issues with women growing up and I can honestly say this book helped me out a lot - How to Succeed With Women It teaches you how to be confident and go out on dates by being yourself.
Also take a Martial Art. Learning how to defend yourself for some reason gives you a massive confidence boost.