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Many people would agree. At late, as the 19th century in England, suicide was illegal. Any person convicted of attempting suicide could be sentenced to death. Heh!
When I was in school, no state had "Death With Dignity" legislation and now about 8 do. To qualify, you have to live in that state (or move there) and you also have to be terminally ill.
Now there is something called "Life Fulfilled" which, if the law is ever passed, removes the terminally ill condition.
Too long for a post, but if you are interested, read The Inevitable by Engelhart. We are just at the beginning of his discussion.
I pretty much believe the same as lamansteve, you'll disappear and never live again. I believe that one part of the explaination of why religions get such a impact is that the most of them offer a "solution" to this although it can be argued that immortality is bad. I'm trying to understand this that my time is limited so I'll be more present in the moment and realize objects true value. Strongly recommend this course: http://www.academicearth.org/courses/death
Does she like to garden? Or did your friend enjoy the outdoors? If so, Here is a "memory gift tree". A small tree beautifully packaged. You plant it in remembrance of your lost loved one. Maybe it's something you and she can plant together. Here's a link to what it is on Amazon. They're out of stock, but if you like the idea Im sure you can find one elsewhere.
I'll try to see if I can think of anything else as well.
>Seems no one IRL supports my decision and thinks its odd. However, I believe differently.
It's not quite in vogue yet, but in time, I think it will be. Suicide is now the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. My nephew is a detective and he investigates at least one or two suicides a week.
You might be interested in this book The Inevitable.
my grandma preferred the recliner opposed to the bed, and she did not like the bed pan and preferred to use the portable potty. (which just meant more work for me, but happily obliged because i wanted her have everything she wanted) ask how she feels about diapers too if you both are comfortable with that/would make it easier.
i would suggest getting one of these to help move her, or something similar. it was really helpful.
as for getting the bedpan under her, lower the bed as much as you can, pull down her pants and undies, if she cannot lift her hips, place the pan beside her, help her move to her side, slide the pan to where her butt is and then move her back onto her back. then i put the bed up to a more comfortable almost seated position. have her spread her legs slightly and make sure she’s comfortable and make sure the bedpan is in a good position. give her some tp and then some privacy if she wants it (:
message me if you need any help, advice or comfort! i am here for you! you’d do an amazing thing. please don’t hesitate to message me any time ❤️
Glad I was able to help.
I happened to see this this morning over in /r/meditation, and figured I'd pass it along:
> “To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.”
> The Power Of Now By Eckhart Tolle page 56
http://saveriovalenti.com/personal-development-books/the-power-of-now-spiritual-enlightenment/
maybe you can integrate some of these ideas into your belief system. Also, why do you choose to believe a loving God would create "hell"? What purpose would it serve?
I think the closest people ever get to "hell" are the conditions experienced on this planet.
Grief doesn't have a timeline. I recommend reading It's Okay That You Are Not Okay Its one of the best books on grief that I have read.
- a nurse
Death does change you. Freud wrote about this over 100 years ago in his seminal essay Mourning and Melancholia. Grief is the price we pay for having loved, but grief will subside in time.
Mourning has a tendency to surface from time to time throughout the rest of our life. There are triggers associated with loss. I am reminded of the Beatle song "In My Life".
Recent books about grief, at least on a secular platform say that "getting over grief or loss" is probably the worst thing you can try and do. Grief has it's own timeline.
I recommend reading It's OK That You Are Not OK by Megan Devine. I recommend this to families who have undergone loss.
- a nurse.
>To further complicate things, my wife's siblings finally told her why they've been estranged from their mother for most of their lives and it's really unforgivable.
This is not an uncommon story. I have a sister who I haven't spoken to in 20 years because of the way she acted when my mother was dying.
You are anticipating death and this book might help: Love Legacy. Also hospice might be able to provide counseling. Good Luck.
Biodegradable Urns for Ashes on Amazon.
I recommend this book, "It's OK That You Are Not Ok by Megan Devine. It's very good for someone who has recently lost a loved one.
For those of you, currently in the grips of grief, following a recent death, I recommend: It's OK That You Are Not OK by Megan Devine. It's excellent.
There is no hard evidence of it. That said, The Search For Bridie Murphy is an interesting read.
I recommend The Invisible String by Patrice Karst.
- a nurse
Sorry. I am a nurse, but I do understand that this can be overwhelming, especially him being a loved one. People die. It's part of the natural order of things.
There are two books that I recommend: It's OK That You're Not OK and How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies.
Sorry for your loss.
Yeah, I was just thinking of something a bit more proactive.
Came across this Digital Dead Man's Switch article from several years ago which was the first I'd heard of the Google Inactive Account Manager.
Another thing I've found interesting is the Bitwarden Emergency Access feature
But I think the emergency contact has to know to try to access the Bitwarden account and isn't notified of inactivity.
You are still very early in the grieving process. What you are experiencing is fairly normal. It will lessen in time, but it never really goes away.
I recommend this book, Its OK That You Are Not OK by Megan Devine. Its excellent.
Rent or stream a movie called Me Before You. I think you will like it. I did.
Thank you so much for your comment. For sure I respect your opinion, but just as a recommendation you can take a look at my book as I included 15 more similar experiences, from people with completely different backgrounds - even those who were not really religious at all - and you might be surprised. Here is the link to my book, it costs only 0.99$: <strong>https://payhip.com/b/q9CX</strong>
Hope you have a nice day ^^
Meditation is simple but our expectations of it is what maked it so difficult to do. Meditation itself won't transform your entire world or rid all your problems. What it does is creates space in your mind so you can be more in control of your thoughts. What you do in that new space is what's crucial.
Now, it sounds like the kind of meditation you've been doing isn't working for you. And thats okay because there is a shit ton of techniques and ways to meditate. Check this link out and see if any of these different techniques will work for you. https://www.headspace.com/meditation/techniques
The big thing is to not let your thoughts or "failure " to meditate affect you. Easier said then done but when meditating, let be what is. No matter how uncomfortable or scary, let it be. What happens after time when sitting with tbese thoughts and feelings is that they start to loosing tbe grip they have on you. And that space will open up. You will start to see that thoughts can't harm you and that its your desire to not have those thoughts that causes your suffering.
But at the end of the day all i can say is try and see what happens. Also im no expert, im just guy who has done a lot of research and practice and found what works for me. Hopefully you find what works you man
See a movie called Me Before You. Not to be morbid, but check into states with Death With Dignity legislation.
I recommend reading It's OK That You Are Not OK my Megan Devine, if you have time. It's excellent. I wish I had read it 20 years ago.
>The best way I can explain our relationship was comparing it to Freddy Mercury and Mary Austin.
I know the story. As Shakespeare would say "they were star crossed lovers". He wrote "Love Of My Life" for her. Shakespeare often wrote about impossible loves. Oh and Freddie Mercury was my favorite singer.
I thought I was finding peace and when the one year anniversary of his death passed it felt like the grieving process started all over again.
Anniversaries are common triggers. Grief doesn't really ever end. You will carry this with you always. Some days will be better than others.
>I’m learning to live with it but is there any advice to give on what to do when you find yourself missing a lost loved one?
You will always miss them. It's what makes you human - helplessly human. I recommend reading It's OK That You're Not OK. I think you might find some comfort there. Wishing you strength.
Rent/Stream this movie Me Before You. If you are in the US, there are about eight states that now offer the "Death With Dignity" option. I have had patients who opted for this.
I only mention it because you said "He is devastated by the news, doesn't see the point of carrying on."
get some of those pads that absorb, they’re a life saver.
We are hardwired to fear death. I don't think it is possible (or healthy) to overcome that fear. We can learn to cope with it, how to tolerate it. But we can't get rid of it. If you'd like to learn more about how our fear of death affects us, I'd highly recommend a book called The Worm at the Core: On the Role of Death in Life. You may also be interested in The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker.
WARNING: Once you watch this, you can't say you didn't know.
I'm always doing some serious reading, LOL. Composite character means not real. And I am well aware of the purpose of religion is to control. Since you are also aware, you might also appreciate the work of Freke and Gandy that was recently recommended to me by a gnostic friend; I went with this one:
Jesus and the Lost Goddess: The Secret Teachings of the Original Christians
"In our latest book <em>Jesus and the Goddess</em> we explore how the Jesus story was only a part of a much greater body of Christian mythology, all of which combined Jewish and Pagan mythological motifs."
I will check out those subs. Thanks.
You are right. I should have recommended the OP read Pema Chödrön. I'm just thinking, being with my sister through treatment. I felt like I'd lost my big sister already because she was so changed. Then when she died and was gone. That's when I knew what real grief was, the kind of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. That is the kind of grief she mush have experienced those last few months. Losing people you love is the worse pain humans endure and when you are dying you are losing everyone. My heart goes out to OP and I wish I could ease that suffering.
It is a 9-page document put together by Joan Halifax as a sort of guide to a daily meditation on the topic death. I first came across it while reading her book titled Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death.
The introduction states the following:
"The Nine Contemplations that follow offer a way to explore the inevitability of death and what is important to us in the light of our mortality. The practice asks us to question what we are doing in our life at this very moment and to see what is important for us to do in order to prepare for death. The contemplations come from Atisha, an eleventh-century Tibetan Buddhist scholar, who systematized the method for generating an enlightened mind. This practice is based on the work of Larry Rosenberg."
At the end, the nine points to consider are summarized in this way:
"Death is inevitable. Our life span is decreasing continuously. Death will come regardless of whether we are prepared for it. Human life expectancy is uncertain. Death has many causes. The human body is fragile and vulnerable. Our friends cannot keep us from death. Our material resources cannot help us at the moment of death. And our own body cannot help us at the time of death."
That is a tragedy. Sorry about your friend.
>If I feel a flutter in my heart, I sit idly waiting to have a heart attack. If I have a headache, I wonder if I will have a stroke.
About a month ago i fainted and had a brief NDE, followed by my first seizure at 20. After i stopped convulsing, i just laid in bed, terrified of the prospect of both spontaneous fainting or a random seizure. I know what it feels like to feel your heart flutter and see the lights start to dim, unable to do anything about it.
However, when i fainted this last time (i lost consciousness 2 times before and got nothing but darkness) i saw light! Really really bright light, and everything went peaceful. No pain, no anguish, painful or guilty memories. Only the most incredible sense of peace and freedom.
If you want to know if you will see your husband again, i want to recommend to you "Glimpses of Eternity" by Dr. Raymond Moody, a pioneer of the near-death experiences field (Free with Kindle!) . I did not start reading into this stuff until after my nde, due to the fact i had to change a bunch of my beliefs as a result.
The afterlife exists, and theres a good chance you will join him
Edit: Also, i feel silly for not mentioning this, the vast majority of NDE victims (>90%) report among other aftereffects, the loss of the fear of death. I do not fear death, and i am 20.
there is a lot of subjective evidence if you research into the NDE phenomenon
for example this book of documented cases by dr. moody
life after life
> I love life and don't want it to end
Don't think of it as ending. Think of it as transitioning. And I don't necessarily mean in the "going to Heaven" sense. Altho if that works for you, fine.
Currently reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book on Fear (http://www.amazon.com/Fear-Essential-Wisdom-Getting-Through/dp/0062004735). He talks about fear of death, and the misconception of beginnings and endings.
One of the analogies he used that I liked was thinking about a wave on the ocean. It has a beginning, but the water was always there. It has an ending, but the water doesn't cease to exist.
He's also got a book specific to the fear of death. See http://www.amazon.com/No-Death-Fear-Comforting-Wisdom/dp/1573223336/. Might be worth picking up.
I also found that watching the movie Peaceful Warrior helped me out a lot. Never read the book, so can't comment on it. But I return to the movie pretty frequently. Lots of good lessons in there about living in the moment and appreciating the moment. Appreciating the journey. And that life is a mystery not meant to be solved.
tl;dr change the perception of "ending" to transitioning. energy can neither be created nor destroyed. you will continue to live on in some form. we don't know what. doesn't matter. just focus on making an eternity out of each moment.