First and foremost you sound like your suffering with depression and should probably get some help. You’ve been through a lot with your parents divorce and doesn’t sound like you’ve heal from it.
Also size doesn’t matter. 70% of women can’t orgasm through PiV alone. Clitoral stimulation is what is needed for the vast majority of us. So a man can have a big penis but is still not likely to cause an orgasm.
If you really want to learn about female sexuality please read come as you are
This is so true. "I'm a virgin so can you have sex with me and teach me everything" is not an appealing offer, it's a to-do list given to me by a person who sees his virginity as his whole identity and needs me to validate his existence. It's all about him.
Whereas, "I noticed you are interested in me, I'm interested back, i love your attitude your intelligence and your butt, btw this is my first time" is not a problem. It makes me feel desired and not pressured.
As far as wanting her to show you the ropes. Don't do that. She can only show you how to please HER- not how to please all women. Each new woman is going to like things the last woman hated. You don't get to just "learn sex" once and be perfect at it after that. Also she's learning you at the same time. I've never met two men who like their dick sucked exactly the same way.
I'm gonna recommend a book- but it's not because I've read it. (I haven't. ) It's because my boyfriend has read it. He is exactly the kind of "experienced" man you envy... but women didn't teach him. He taught himself. And he credits this book. https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Sex-101-Allison-Moon/dp/0983830959
OP, I am going to be very honest with you. You are currently killing your own relationship with all of these anxiety.
I've seen it over and over and over again. Both in conservative or a more modern type of relationship. Different races, different customs/cultures.
I repeat, You are going to kill this relationship.
Your main problem is that you are addicted to feeding your anxiety/fear. The time you spent to find this 'scientific proof', the time you took to read it, all of those time...you knew it that you could have spent it on other things. You knew that it will feed into your fear. Just like when you were bored and browsed r/Braincels.
Here is what you need to do.
Plan an internet detox. I am serious. Go camping somewhere, it is now summer. Temporarily disabled your Wifi. Avoid internet for a while. Read loads of books that will take off your mind from it.
I think I've suggested this book: https://www.amazon.com/Imperfect-Offering-Humanitarian-Twenty-first-Century/dp/0385660707/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
Use that time when you do internet diet to read that book.
Honestly I don’t even know where to start. All those beliefs aren’t in anyway based of truth or science. How here are some of my “thoughts”.....
Women are actual people just like me are. We also enjoy sex a lot. Our desire and arousal is different but we are what’s referred to as homogeneous. We actually have the same reproductive equipment it’s just arranged differently. If you actually want to learn about women’s sexuality (and not just a bunch of bullshit made up to make a group of men feel better about themselves by making others smaller) I would suggest reading come as you are. It’s the best book in female sexuality based of actual research.
Penises aren’t powerful. Meaning they don’t have the power to change the woman’s vulva. It does not matter if she slept with 1 or 100 people. Just think about it, it literally births people but some dick is going to wear it out?? Does the vulva wear out penises? No, and we have the same parts just arranged differently. Our clitoris is what would have been a penis, our out labia is literally made of the same material as your ballsack.
Women love sex, I like 15% of females and 80% of males, have spontaneous sexual desire. I love, love, love sex. My husband and I have a great sex life and he never has to earn it.
Man you’ve been brainwashed and sound like you really might consider therapy.
Edited to add: the myths of a sentient beings worth being reduced due to engaging in a national biological act or that this act, that its body evolved to do, changes the make up of it is disgusting. How could any group look at another and reduced they’re immeasurable worth, it’s fucked. Seriously my husband has plowed me more than Chicago in winter but my worth is still immeasurable and my vulva remains unchanged... fuck up shit....
The problem here is that it's really complex. I suggest reading Models by Mark Manson. He talks about the dynamic of dating in the states vs overseas. Basically says in the US no one expects you to just walk up and say a bunch of blunt true things. Example: I think you are really attractive and would like to go get coffee with you sometime. It's almost expected that positive emotions are portrayed through playful negatives like when a bunch of guys call each other weird names. It's a cultural thing, or a least that's what he wrote.
My two cents is that the women in my life usually do like it when I am nice and being an asshole doesn't go over well. There is just a fine line between being playful and being an asshole sometime. I think flirting in the US is has now almost been defined as being playful and teasing. So women in the US see teasing as you flirting with them. If you're not teasing they probably don't even register flirting. Of course that's all anecdotal.
Another valid point from Models is that you may be in the wrong circle of people. Different people like different things so if who you are doesn't go over well with the women you are around, you might just be around the wrong women.
If you are really with women that expect you to be a flat out ass to them, I would run.
Well, I'm sorry that it got you fucked up, but it's just a show based on a bestseller https://www.amazon.com/44-Chapters-About-4-Men/dp/1538718316 . The whole situation about a woman who has doubts but has to make choices and hold onto them is common in stories written for particular type of women, it's just life. In Eat, prey, love we also see a girl cheating on her fiance, for example.
And.. uh.. yeah, it's part of life, what can I say? The choices we make, the desires we have to live with. This is why this show is made - some (not all, but enough) will somewhat relate to it, and lightheartedly amuse themselves, so the show will make money.
I understand, of course, how it makes you uneasy, but my advice to you - just ignore it, keep your calm. Don't perceive it to be about your life.
There's a good book where Briffault and Malinowski debate each other. Malinowski is considered one of the founders modern anthropology and his work is peerless in its attention to detail. The Book on Amazon
From the book '"Briffault was a special pleader, and this greatly mars the presentation of his case ... Furthermore, Briffault is often inaccurate... He was a brilliant, and often prejudiced, thinker."
This is a fucked-up situation and I'm sorry your sister is going through this (and you, too). Unfortunately, she will not be able to 'deprogram' him; if this was so easy, misogyny wouldn't be such a massive issue as it is now.
She might be interested to read this book.
If I were you, I would be there to support your sister, listen to her rant and cry, trying to comfort her. And I would also try, very gently, to redirect her attention from her husband onto thinking and planning her new future without him. I understand that it must be difficult for her to disassociate from this situation, so maybe you can help by slightly nudging her in that direction. It seems to me that she is desperately trying to 'control' this situation by trying to understand her husband and even 'help' him by deprogramming, but she can't. This is a waste of time and she'll eventually realize this. The best she can do is bite the bullet and go through the divorce and then start anew, keeping his presence in her life to a minimum. So I would say, try to remind her as often as you can about how strong she is, how much you admire her and how sure you are that she'll have a fantastic life without this idiot.
Statistically speaking, men are more likely to cheat and that increases with age. About 20% of men cheat. 13% of women. The only time women cheat at a higher rate is in the 18-29 year range. This data is for married couples, though. Things are all over the place in dating, and it varies by race. Physical cheating is way less common then emotional cheating, which unfortunately many people don't consider cheating.
I took a course on human sexuality and infidelity in college and learned so much. We read a lot of writing by the guy who wrote this book. He focuses on addiction and how infidelity scratches the same parts of the brain that addiction does.
From the course I learned that basically it comes down to 1. insecurity 2. narcissism and 3. delusions/feeling invincible. There's a lot of good books about why cheating happens and how ethics play into it all. We also studied how instead of correcting betrayal, many people are turning to polyamory or ENM, however even then those relationships are statistically more successful in queer relationships because in straight relationships the women see it as a partnership built on respect and the men see it as a "fuck anything that moves and don't tell my partner bc i'm poly and can do what I want." Obviously this can be swapped for a woman behaving the same way, but it is more common from the men. Cheating can even happen in poly relationships because it is about respect, not "spreading seed" lmao. Let me see if i can log into my student account to link to some articles and academic journals we read. I graduated in 2015 so I'm not sure if the blackboard site still functions, lol.
It's a series of arguments that describe women as hypergamistic and say that men are to be split into categories according to desirability. Alpha/Chads and Beta/Cucks. It espouses Pickup-artist-game techniques to attract women, and demeaning techniques to keep them in a relationship. This is an incomplete definition, because even RedPillers themselves disagree on any consistent definition. If you'd like a book on the topic, read https://www.amazon.com/Red-Pill-Ideology-Wrapping-Manosphere-ebook/dp/B0B2VC7671
Now. You say: >The Red Pill about becoming the best version of yourself.
How is this different than other self help methods, such as therapy or meditation? Obviously the redpill has unique qualities that set it apart from more traditional methods of self-improvement. What, in your mind, separates RedPill from other methods of self-improvement?
I think you may benefit from this book, which systematically goes through Red Pill claims and explains how the foundational ideology is toxic to both men and women: https://www.amazon.com/Red-Pill-Ideology-Wrapping-Manosphere-ebook/dp/B0B2VC7671
Omg you cracked the code, lol! I'm glad you were able to get out of an abusive relationship, and it's cool that you still care enough to want to help him. The book is live now, although the official launch date isn't until June 8th. The e-book is available, and the paperback is showing up, but looks like it's still percolating through the system. It should be available for sale sometime this weekend: https://www.amazon.com/Red-Pill-Ideology-Wrapping-Manosphere-ebook/dp/B0B2VC7671
You'll have to drop the notion of needing dating advice. Personal growth in all areas especially social skills will change your life. I was in a place where I hated women from how my mom treated me and I always thought women had it out for me. I read pickup forums but I was still too scared to do what they mentioned so I turned to growing myself. I Started learning social skills, (how to approach, how to learn about others, asking question to build bridges, listening, Not taking it personal, learning who does & doesn't want to talk, and etc) and those after practice killed all anxiety I had. If you want to fast track getting better at women, day in & out get better social skills and women come on their own. Sometimes if your awkward they may think you're "cute" but that doesn't last long. I can't hammer enough on getting strong social skills. This is a great starting point, great examples and useable stuff in this book https://www.amazon.com/How-Start-Conversation-Make-Friends/dp/1451610998
It will be officially published June 8th. The paperback is still percolating through the system (this allows advanced reviewers access in order to leave their reviews), but the e-book is live: https://www.amazon.com/Red-Pill-Ideology-Wrapping-Manosphere-ebook/dp/B0B2VC7671
I don't know if there's a singular source for this, it's just a consensus of the field at this point, emerging from years of looking at the puzzle of sexuality through an evolutionary lens. You often find it mentioned in works that summarize the topic, like this book.
The OKC guy also wrote a book covering this and other topics.
https://www.amazon.com/Dataclysm-Identity-What-Online-Offline-Selves/dp/0385347391
(You're right and the ratings were not purely on appearance but interaction on the app.)
You do know that the Match group (which owns match.com, tinder and others) has been busted a number of times for putting up fake profiles to make it look like there are more women using those sites than there actually are. They aren't the only ones either. There's one here in Australia called RSVP that has been caught doing essentially the same thing (the pictures on "profiles" were scans from magazines).
It makes me wonder why anyone uses dating apps at all. As far as I'm concerned, you're just as likely to make a profit from replying to a Nigerian who emails you wanting to deposit $50 million into your bank account.
Yeah sorry if I came off combative as well lol, the internet can be so toxic. The BIGGEST lesson we taught in our program, the main reason we got guys in there was the value scale. I’ll provide a link. But! I also think a lot of these companies are stretching out the material, and it’s redundant and misleading. Also! Live programs shouldn’t cost more than $1,000. That’s just ridiculous. I think $500 for a 35 hour program is totally justifiable and fair.
Here’s what I found online similar to what’s we taught. I don’t think Joshua Pellicer completely came up with this on his own,he took it from others teachings and made it his own and then many other companies adopted it too
https://prezi.com/yzcgthtdnccx/the-value-scale-are-you-a-6-7-8-9-or-10/
No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover was a good read. I thought it was going to be a douchey, pick up artist book, but it's a lot more psychological. I even teared up at one part.
I bought The Way of the Superior Man, and have it tn my queue, and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck is a good book on how to stop caring about frivolous things.
This book offers sex-positive relationship advice for men, written by female sex therapists.
[Cockfidence: The Definitive Guide to Being The Man You Want To Be And Driving Women Wild] [Author: Hirschman MA, Celeste] [January, 2011] https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XV3OC66/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_0JSFTN6WD0HBYZYKH71M
This book offers mentorship/self-help for men without misogyny.
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062506064/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_KQ39DZ37QRHT560Y5BV3
MMSL is red pill advice for long-term relationships without the misogyny. The introduction speaks to women directly about why it’s in their best interests for their partners to become the kind of men they’ll be more interested in dating. The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 https://www.amazon.com/dp/1460981731/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_QP55VXK10TRZSSKYKM20
Anthony Robbins combines self-help and mentorship. I recommend this one: Awaken the Giant Within : How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671791540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_WJ6NP9FY5MK5ED3T25Q5
>women getting less promotions and less leadership roles.
Have you read *Machiavelli for Women * by Stacey Smith?
https://www.amazon.com/Machiavelli-Women-Defend-Ambition-Workplace/dp/1982121769/
> I wonder if she could try bringing it up to her employers.
She should. It's a niche field. There isn't anyone else in the same institution with the same responsibility and it's easy for HR to gaslight her.
Which one? Either way, I've no idea if it's the same guy. I bought this as a blind buy.
If I try to summarize the book, I'll be doing you a disservice, because it's really the details that make the book. But I can tell you that it's nothing like any "pickup artist" technique book you may have read, and in a good way.
The "Look inside" feature on Amazon actually has the first two chapters fully available for reading. I recommend you give them a look.
https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want-ebook/dp/B00RTY0FKK
I 100% agree the greatest thing TRP really did for me was introducing me to the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover :https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
.I'd say it's one of the top most important books in my life and it was very transformational for me to read . It taught me to stop living a transactional life because a lot of my misery and disappointment came from thinking I could earn " love tokens" and that made me very self absorbed in my interactions with other people.
I shouldn't do things expecting people to " pay me back" with love or attention that really strips out any good intentions with my actions towards other people and No More Mr. nice guy taught me that
I could have avoided a lot of pain to myself and others if I'd just found that book and it's a book I recommend to young men all the time even now. It's about setting boundaries and recognizing yourself , your needs , and desires and I needed a book to tell me to put myself first sometimes as obvious as that may seem but also to understand the world is much bigger than me .
I'll give you one important piece of advice I wish I had gotten many years ago: the best way to meet a romantic partner is through your social circle.
People may say that today it's not true anymore because everybody is online, but online dating is doing a shit job at replacing meeting through real life. In online dating you get very minimal exposure to many people, in real life, just by being in the same social context with other people for a while you get extended exposure to a limited number of people. Guess which level of exposure is more efficient for creating attraction?
It might sound like you have abundance in online dating, but what's the point of large numbers if people hardly pay attention to you, which is often the case. The abundance you get from a thriving social life is more than enough. I'm not saying don't use online dating, just don't make it your primary method.
As for becoming attractive to women, read this (What Women Want Paperback – by Tucker Max, Geoffrey Miller PhD): https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316375330/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_yx3zFbPCQ1SZD
Sex addiction theory is pushed by Patric Carnes, who is downstream of Mary Koss. It is NOT in the DSM5 or ICD10. It's also been debunked. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007ZRFSWQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Koss erased me as a male victim of female perpetrated sexual abuse. She is directly linked to me suicidally eating for 30 years as I internalised the highly toxic Dworkin/Mackinnon/Koss "you are an evil subhuman rapemonster because penis - and you weren't raped" alongside my abuse in 1984. I have no time for her.
A radio interview from 2015 - https://www.reddit.com/r/FeMRADebates/comments/36b736/no_mans_land_male_rape_radio_program_which/
I almost died in 2011 - it took till 2013 to decouple the eating...
As a virgin, I can hardly be a sex addict.
One book that did help me was one on sexual anorexia (Patric Carnes- early 2000s) - the only problem was that support was only available through sex ADDICT groups... it was set up in a similar manner to how Duluth erases male victims of female perpetrators - and forces the male victim to parrot a lie - "I am a male abuser". Int he same manner of a Vietcong prisoner having to parrot "I am a Yankee imperialist oppressor" in a show trial.
Skepticism 101: How to Think like a Scientist
http://www.amazon.com/Skepticism-101-Think-like-Scientist/dp/B00DTO4J6A
Your Deceptive Mind: A Scientific Guide to Critical Thinking Skills
I'll speak for myself and say these books helped me. Maybe you will get value from them.
> My skin is pale. (As in, untannable pale)
No, it's not "untannable" pale. If nothing else, you could use a product like Fake Bake.
> My teeth are yellow.
Again, fixable. Or use some other method. But don't act like it's unchangeable, it isn't.
> I'm short
Shoe lifts.
> I'm scrawny
Lift weights.
> I have thin blond hair
Get a buzz cut.
The point is, you're making all these complaints about features that can be altered. Is any of it easy? No. But it can be done, and once you start putting in the effort, you'll see that you're probably not as "ugly" as you think. Like I said in the other thread, you have to LOOK like a guy who already has sex, and the way to do this is to look and smell your very best.