What are /r/howtonotgiveafuck's favorite Products & Services?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

If you haven’t read it, do yourself a favor and go read the “Enchiridion” by Epictetus. It’s only 40 pages or so, and available for free. It’s a fairly challenging read, but absolutely worth it. The freshest water comes from drinking directly from the source.

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/45109

This is the 101 in stoicism. If you want to be happy, you have to learn what you can control and what not. This book is a goog starter: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy (English Edition) https://www.amazon.de/dp/B0040JHNQG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_taa_EouqDbTJH6VM7

It's like when you can't pee. How do you go pee? Relax and don't think about it. Easier said than done.

I think it comes with just having a positive mental attitude in general. Which is something that is cultivated. Life isn't generally a positive experience.

The first step is to be mindful so we can recognize negative thoughts. After that it's easy. Just replace a negative thought with a positive thought.

I've found that over time when I consciously apply this to when I find myself dwelling on something that happened in the past that eventually I don't feel as strongly about it. So do yourself a favor in the future and decide that you don't give a fuck about it anymore today.

I'm not as smart as all that. I have trouble applying it sometimes and I didn't come up with the idea myself. But if you'd like to read about it more I highly recommend a book called

Think and Grow Rich.

Also there was/is a band entirely devoted to the ideas in that book called

Bad Brains.

A teacher labelled me as having bad handwriting. All my life, I've been "the guy who can't even draw a straight line." And until a few weeks ago, I accepted that. But I'd always wanted to learn to draw, so I finally got Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain and started the exercises. I noticed that the way I'd been taught to hold a pencil/pen was really uncomfortable, so I started googling around and looking at various grips. And the reason my handwriting is terrible and I couldn't draw a straight line was that teacher, the very same teacher that labelled me, taught me a grip that is, given my research, something she entirely made up. So, of course I had messy handwriting and couldn't draw, I didn't even know how to hold a fucking pencil properly. But I let that label stick with me for 20+ years and keep me from enjoying things I would've really enjoyed like drawing, all because some nutbar in second grade defined me that way and I accepted it.

Don't let people's labels define you is what I'm saying.

His happiness comes from his accepting of himself and how he views the world. If you want to be happy, be happy.

I use to not believe that quote. I thought about holocaust victims. You want me to believe I can just be happy in a camp?

That "Be happy" quote was confirmed to me by reading Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl is a holocaust survivor/therapist. A big part of happiness comes from your expectations, your thoughts.

Huge huge pet peeve here. This quote is not from Aristotle. He never said it. Thanks to the magic power of the internet and the ease of spreading misinformation, everyone thinks he did. But nobody bothers to do any fact checking.

This quote is actually a summary of something Aristotle said, and it actually the work of Will Durant from 1926 from his The Story of Philosophy. (For more info, check out this blog post.)

>I was reading the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance at the time

I need to finish that. I was reading it when I used to be a cab driver, and I quit reading the book and driving cab shortly after my dispatcher dropped dead at work.

I think this quote from "Mindfulness in Plain English" is pretty relevant:

"The lowest level [of morality] is adherence to a set of rules and regulations laid down by somebody else. It could be your favorite prophet. It could be the state, the head man of your tribe or your father. No matter who generates the rules, all you've got to do at this level is know the rules and follow them. A robot can do that. Even a trained chimpanzee could do it if the rules were simple enough and he was smacked with a stick every time he broke one. This level requires no meditation at all. All you need are the rules and somebody to swing the stick.

The next level of morality consists of obeying the same rules even in the absence of somebody who will smack you. You obey because you have internalized the rules. You smack yourself every time you break one. This level requires a bit of mind control. If your thought pattern is chaotic, your behavior will be chaotic, too. Mental culture reduces mental chaos.

There is a third level or morality, but it might be better termed ethics. This level is a whole quantum layer up the scale, a real paradigm shift in orientation. At the level of ethics, one does not follow hard and fast rules dictated by authority. One chooses his own behavior according to the needs of the situation. This level requires real intelligence and an ability to juggle all the factors in every situation and arrive at a unique, creative and appropriate response each time. Furthermore, the individual making these decisions needs to have dug himself out of his own limited personal viewpoint. He has to see the entire situation from an objective point of view, giving equal weight to his own needs and those of others. In other words, he has to be free from greed, hatred, envy and all the other selfish junk that ordinarily keeps us from seeing the other guy's side of the issue. Only then can he choose that precise set of actions which will be truly optimal for that situation."

This if from King's book On Writing, which is basically a non-fiction account of his career. He goes into how he got his start and how he essentially practices his craft. It's an excellent read.

What he's saying is he treats his work like a job. If he were to sit around and wait for "inspiration" to strike before he wrote, he'd rarely actually write anything. Sometimes you just don't feel that inspired.

So he follows a very strict routine just like anyone else who wakes up and goes to a jobby job. And the routine includes a good chunk of writing time at the same time of day every day. Even if he doesn't feel like writing, he plants himself at his desk and forces himself to crank out four pages.

What he's noticed over the years of following the same routine is that he doesn't need inspiration as much as you would think. He's trained his mind and his body to be creative during that same window of time every day.

He talks a lot about his "muse". King personifies him as a cranky guy who lives in the basement and keeps all the great ideas. After years of opening his creative mind up at the same time every day, the muse tends to naturally show up during that time. And if he doesn't, oh well. He'll probably show up tomorrow.

That's the order I went in as well :) Meditations is still my favourite, though some of Seneca's letters hit hard. Epictetus is a fun read too! In some ways, Epictetus might be the most accessible to read. He really gets to the point!

I supplemented the ancients with three modern books:

• Stoicism and the Art of Happiness (The most in-depth of the three--excellent and very well-researched)

• A Guide to the Good Life (Middle of the road: some people take exception at the author's "re-imagining" of Stoicism for a modern audience, though I had no issue with it. He's open about it from the getgo and you still get the core principles of Stoicism)

• The Obstacle is the Way. (Deals with various examples of applied Stoicism in a more modern context: how to turn adversity into opportunity, overcome obstacles in your path, etc. Fantastic and inspiring read and the author is a redditor! /u/ryan_holiday might be better at plugging his book than me!)

EDIT: Typo

Napoleon Hill of Think and Grow Rich (I've been loving this book recently) interviewed 500 of the top business people in the world back in the early 1900's. The advice on this topic he discovered is to listen to any criticism you receive, and to use it as an opportunity for self-examination on the merits discussed by your criticizer to see if you find any fault there.

This works great going forward, but having fell victim to critics in the past, you'll need to work through prior criticism as well. So, when you feel your dignity and confidence plummeting, rather than focus on the level dropping, stop and examine yourself to see what's going on internally.

Mindful meditation helps a great deal with anxiety and self-acceptance. To learn mindfulness, I read the book Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn (mindfulness based stress relief). I bought several of his guided meditation CD's and I've used them every day for almost two years. Mindfulness has helped me more than anything I've tried through the years for my anxiety (and all my other issues as well...OCD, depression and I had an eating disorder in high school).

Your life is giving you an opportunity to be centered in self-love at an early age. Before most people in your age group, you get to find out that looks mean nothing in relation to your worth and that other people's judgement is simply nonsense . You get to find out all the good you have within you and build your life off of that knowledge.

I also found help from the book Self-esteem, by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning. The book is based in cognitive behavioral therapy. It has you do exercises to identify your beliefs about yourself and then change those beliefs. I found it very effective.

Hope you find what you're looking for. :)

Read this:

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-most-profound-life-lessons-from-Stanford-Professor-John-Ousterhout?share=1

(the first answer, about y-intercept and slope).

You've overcome depression. That means you've had to try harder than other people, and that means you're stronger than other people.

One of the best quotes I know is "when life gets harder, it means you've just leveled up". You're excelling at this game. You could have given up, but you didn't.

Depression is awful, but it exists to teach us lessons and give us skills. At least, that's how I choose to interpret it. I am a much more interesting, empathetic person because of my many depressions. I understand how bad things can get. Nothing makes me happier than when I can share my experiences to help other people. Without my depression, I wouldn't have that.

This is a surprisingly good question, because even if NGAF is simple ('Decide what you're gonna do, do it, pay no attention to disturbing feelings. wash rinse repeat'), it still helps a lot to be in the right headspace on a long-term basis

My recommendations:

• Stumbling on Happiness (Daniel Gilbert)

  • To help you understand just how unreliable and situational our interpretations of our feelings, present future and past, are. Basically, WRT understanding, remembering, and predicting our feelings, we are dumber than rocks.
  • Helped me take my feelings way less seriously. "Cool story bro" is usually about the right attitude.

• Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman)

  • About how we're largely made up of a mess of biases, and thinking of ourselves as rational, thinking agents is flat-out wrong 99% of the time.
  • Helped me understand how we create the incredibly strong and incredibly wrong illusion that we know things, and how to change our personal norms (eg. changing what kind of feelings it seems normal to have when approaching a stranger, how to make things feel less effortful,..).

• Self Reliance (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

  • Recently posted, deserves a repost. Actually an essay.
  • Helped me attain better intellectual independence and self possession, ie. 'I have to understand the world myself through experience. In my life, what is important is my rules and who I am. External outcomes deserve no trust. Rules made by other people must be disregarded to the fullest extent humanly possible'

TL;DR: First book to help you understand your feelings and predictions don't mean shit, second to help you understand that you don't KNOW shit, and the essay to help you really own yourself and get things happening enough that you get to know slightly more than shit.

Yes I do. I would strongly suggest reading the book Mindfulness in Plain English, which you can read online for free (via the link) or buy on amazon. As for more resources, the best place you can start is /r/Meditation. Feel free to ask anything there, people would be happy to answer any questions. Start with the FAQ for information, and good luck!

A Guide to the Good Life describes number 2 and 3 pretty well (along with a lot more). Don't think I saw it mention the view from above strategy though.

• You don't have to meditate all the time. Just stick to 20 minutes a day. Practice every day and you will naturally become more mindful and focused during the rest of your day. It's not something you can force.

• You don't have to control your breath. Just relax, breath normally and pay attention to how it feels going in and out of your nostrils.

• The ego is not a villain -- it's neither good nor bad. It's an illusion created by your mind and it's perfectly normal. The problem comes when you start seeing it as real and giving it the power to control your life.

• Thinking is also perfectly normal. Sometimes it gets out of control and makes you miserable though, and meditation can give you the skills to deal with that too.

• Check out Mindfulness in Plain English for a more detailed introduction. Also spend some time in /r/meditation and /r/buddhism

As the OP of that thread, I also recommend the writings of all the Stoic philosophers- Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca... And for a great overview of Stoicism, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy-William B. Irvine. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is a good place to start.

Hack your head.

Read books on human cognition. I like Thinking Fast and Slow and Predictably Irrational. Once you realize those feels you take so seriously are nothing but your brain chattering away about bullshit, it's much easier to not give a fuck about them.

Read books on social psychology. Everyone's looking at you and oh god what if they all see you doing this oh man that'd be so embarrassing? True story: If you were being murdered in front of that group of people, odds are good none of them would try to help you. Why do you give a fuck about them when they don't give a fuck about you? Read The Invisible Gorilla and realize just how oblivious people can be when they're concentrating on something else. Read books on the unreliability of eyewitness testimony and realize it'd be tough for them to remember your face if you robbed a bank, much less be "the guy that got shot down by that girl."

Then read things like How To Win Friends And Influence People and realize how easy all the socialization stuff people build up into this monstrous mountain really is and how easy it is to make people like you. Once you realize acceptance is incredibly easy and incredibly shallow, it no longer matters nearly as much.

Your imagination is making the monsters bigger than they are, metaphorically speaking. It's a branch scraping at the window.

But if you insist on being scared of the boogeyman that's really just an old sweater, research a town far away from wherever you are now. Find a nice place on Craigslist and some jobs you could do. There, if you crash and burn in a life-ruining way--which I can guarantee you will not, generally speaking--you know exactly where you can run away to and start over.

It's like cheat codes for real life.

I subscribe more along the lines of Optimistic Nihilism:

>“Optimistic Nihilism,” a philosophy that posits ultimate freedom in the midst of, and solely enabled by, the utter meaninglessness of existence: “If our life is the only thing we get to experience, then it’s the only thing that matters. If the universe has no principles, then the only principles relevant are the ones we decide on. If the universe has no purpose, then we get to dictate what its purpose is.” This is more or less a paraphrase of Sartre, who made virtually identical claims in what he called his “atheistic existentialism,” but with the added force in his “doctrine” that “there is no reality except in action… Man is nothing else but what he purposes, he exists only in so far as he realizes himself.” We not only get to determine our purpose, he wrote, we have to do so, or we cannot be said to exist at all.
>
>In the midst of this frighteningly radical freedom, Sartre saw the ultimate opportunity: to make of ourselves what we will. But this dizzying possibility may send us running back to comforting prefab illusions of meaning and purpose. How terrible, to have to decide for yourself the purpose of the entire universe, no? But the philosophy of “Optimistic Nihilism” goes on to expound a thesis similar to that of the Zen popularizer, Alan Watts, who has soothed many a case of existential dread with his response to the idea that we are somehow separate from the universe, either hovering above it or crushed beneath it. Humans are not, as Watts colorfully wrote, “isolated ‘egos’ inside bags of skin.” Instead, as the video goes on, “We are as much the universe as a neutron star, or a black hole, or a nebula. Even better, actually, we are its thinking and feeling part, the sensory organs of the universe.”

​

A one-way Greyhound ticket from Salt Lake City to Los Angeles is about $150. You can probably make that much by selling stuff you won't be bringing with you. If that's not an option, look for online work or odd jobs; I doubt it'll take more than two weeks to get that much money together if you focus on it.

That is the way the book The Power of Habit (referenced in the post) recommends.

He uses examples like: going to AA meetings replaces going to bars, snacking or chewing gum replacing smoking, or going for a 5 minute walk around the office and chatting with a coworker replacing going to the cafeteria for a cookie.

I have recently found Stoicism to be an incredibly practical and logical philosophy, and I found that the questions being asked and discussed were similar to some of the things I was thinking about when I was trying to figure out what it means to be the best version of myself. I recommend "The Daily Stoic" by Ryan Holiday, never before have I read a book where each page is so powerful, entirely capable of transforming your worldview and almost "unlocks" certain aspects of your psyche that you may have otherwise found difficult to access. It only takes a page a day, but the effects are incredible, and that comes from someone who never liked self help books like The Secret

I do recommend it. It's a great little book by Professor William B. Irvine called "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". Find it here.

You're not alone, I've been there as I'm sure have many many others and this is work through-able.

Love ZenPancake's "other peoples' opinions about me are none of my business." This is true and freeing when you really believe it.

Most likely, it is not the actual situation that is bothering you, but rather the negative thoughts/beliefs about yourself at a deeper level that were triggered by this situation that bothers you.

I would guess the self talk that triggers the bad feelings is something along the lines of: I'm unloveable. I must be a loser/worthless. If someone thinks poorly about me and talks poorly about me word will spread and everyone will believe xyz/everyone will believe I'm a bad person. Or something similar that is negative self talk about you at your core.

If I'm right, you're experiencing some common "thinking errors". Check out cognitive behavioral therapy (either with a professional counselor or online read about it). David Burns has several books that dive into this further, such as The Feeling Good Handbook (yup, cheesy title but has great, evidence based concepts).

If you're up for a more new-agey and less evidence based read the popular book "The Fifth Agreement" by Don Miguel Ruiz has some great concepts. I couldn't get behind all of it, but you might find something helpful in there as well, especially in regards to not taking things personally and letting go of others' opinions of you.

Clearly there's no one-sized fits all approach, but over time no doubt you'll find what works for you from the list of things you've already tried and the list presented to you in this thread.

Mediation helps

Mediation in the simplest form is a practice of self awareness. You can get rid of the spiritual part and focus on basics. Start with a comfortable position, focus on your own breath, this is the most important thing in your life, your life depends on it. If other thoughts enter your mind, just bring your thought back on your breath. Keep practicing.

Self awareness, focus, willpower are like muscle. You can't get strong without practicing, and you should start with simple one like above. You can't wait for some strong emotion happens and start deep breathing, that won't help much.

A book I find very helpful is Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan. You may find it helpful too.

To solve other problems like low self-esteem requires strong self awareness. With strong self awareness it will be easier to ask yourself questions and bring the core issue to the surface. However without self awareness, you'll easily be driven away by your emotions. Just start small and focus on your own every step, it will get better.

Man's Search for Meaning - Victor Frankl

Everyone should read this. If anything, it will help you let go of the little things in life. If you are going through any type of adversity, after reading this book you will turn it into a positive and come out of it a better person.

I suggest you have a read of The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I do not think it's free will vs determinism, I think it is a matter of unawareness. Other people don't have to do the actions that seem most natural/logical when those actions bring negativity into their lives.

If what they're doing doesn't bring negativity into their lives, yet it bothers you, then simply by watching and accepting the judgement or negativity that arises, you can either change the situation, remove yourself from the situation, or accept that you can't change it and let the negative feelings go, without reacting in a way that will bring you more negativity.

over analyzing is a very valid point, but if you want to know about some basics of vipassana meditation, you might want to look at "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Henepola Gunaratana. You can get it for free online or also buy physical copy. as i´m also just starting to get an understanding of meditation (or practicing it), i can´t tell you how useful this book really is, but the overall reactions to it seem quite positive. it tries to have a very secular approach to vipassana meditation, which was actually the reason why i started reading it.

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl; the life changing book about how no one can ever really own you and no one except you ever decides how you feel about anything. Read it when I was eight, haven't given a fuck since.

You can find the whole book online here.

Not yet, but I've read lots of Zen stuff (articles and books). Zen is everywhere, literally, so I suggest you to check /r/zenhabits.

A great book is 'If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him!', by Sheldon Kopp: everybody should read it! (As well as Carnegie's book)

Kopp's book is a mix of zen philosophy and psychology, I really recommend it.

If you are a thinker, you'll enjoy the movie 'Waking Life'. It's not directly related with this subreddit, but it is…well…I can't explain: you have to watch it!

Other useful movies:

• Fight Club
• The Big Lebowski
• Office Space
• 25th Hour
• The Big Kahuna
• American Beauty
• God Bless America
• Harold and Maude
• No Direction Home (only if you're a Dylan fan, like me)
• Into The Wild
• Dead Poets Society
• The Life of David Gale
• The Shawshank Redemption
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
• Network
• Groundhog Day
• Rushmore
• Thank You For Smoking
• The Tree Of Life (well, this is really hard to understand)
• Falling Down
• Good Will Hunting

Books:

• The Art of War
• Siddharta
• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (a must read)
• Zen in the Art of Archery

Well, I found this stuff really helpful. What do you think?

I somewhat agree with you, I see a schism in people's opinion and view of what DGAF means. To me it's about DGAF about what other people think, and about DGAF about stuff that's useless; while truly caring for what's important; all in a respectful manner.

These are some of the books that have made me a better and WHOLE person:

• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values, Robert M. Pirsig

• How to See Yourself As You Really Are, Dalai Lama

• The Art of Happiness, Dalai Lama

• Buddhism for Beginners, Thubten Chodron

• Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Shunryu Suzuki

• Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living, Pema Chodron

• Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman

Have you read up on travel forums? There seems to be a lot of information about traveling SE Asia with a peanut allergy, in forums such as this one. It could be a hassle but I suspect you could eliminate any risk of incident by taking certain precautions.

UGH, I'm super sorry to hear that you've been struck by CryptoWall. I was infected by CoinVault (link to information) last year before Kaspersky got a hold of some decryption keys, and I had no choice but to pay the ransom.

I still kick myself over that terrible experience. I know exactly how it happened, too. At least now I have a rock-solid backup strategy.

I don't understand how developers of ransomware can sleep at night. It's terrifying think about the implications of such a virus.

Anyway, it was very kind of you to offer up all that candy. I would have taken one. I've never tried those before!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=YMKKTVBMJ2E5U

But if you're willing to do that, you should actually do a random act of pizza

3 days? I didn't even take 20 minutes! The hardest part was finding the font, (Copperplate Gothic Bold if you wanted to know) then it was just recreating best I could. Seriously considering getting some of these printed...

I think I did read that in my 20’s while I was reading “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”. I got stuck reading all the footnotes and never finished the book, one of my life’s biggest regrets. I can’t seem to finish that book. :/

OK dude. Me too. Here is what started changing shit for me:

1. Read or listen to Mindset by Carol Dweck. Directly pertains to your issue of being a gifted kid, but not taking criticism well.
2. Read or listen to Grit by Angela Lee Duckworth. Directly pertains to passion, developing passion, and utilizing it to overcome life's innumerable obstacles.
3. Read (you'll want a physical copy of this book) The Little Book of Talent by Daniel Coyle. I found a link to it here. https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B69V9lDWN464cGloX2w4WlVacE0/edit

Maybe this isn't exactly what you are looking for here, but I'll tell you, I lived what you are living, and these books helped me stop giving so many fucks.

BONUS: Exercise and meditate daily. Best shit you can do to improve your brain function. I recommend any guided meditation from Jon Kabbat Zinn.

BONUS BONUS: check out Elliot Hulse. Dude has some real AF advice for young men. https://www.youtube.com/user/elliottsaidwhat

Be careful with RSD... there's definitely good stuff there but some of it ventures into red pill territory which is gonna put the wrong ideas in your mind. I'd highly recommend Models by Mark Manson though.

You're welcome. I've fallen on my face many times in my life, and my life isn't perfect, but the more and more I allow the process of life to just work, the more at peace I become. If you are looking for a quick and inspiring read, pick up The War of Art. It is focused on being creative, but it has applied to many aspects of my life.

"Assembly of Japanese bike requires great peace of mind" This is a quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It is something I have to remind myself regularly when I have anxiety about doing things right.

The general idea is that our definition of "right or wrong" is flawed because it is dependent on outside factors, instead of coming from within. The terms "right and wrong" currently refer to literally how well a job was done. The book explains that "right and wrong" should be dependent not on how well the task was actually completed but on how well you feel about the task.

• So something is done correctly when you feel good about it, completely ignoring what the outcome of the task or problem was.

And that is something you can control. You can control how you feel about things by doing your best, and really believing that you tried your best. Life has a shit ton of problems it throws at you but the only thing you can do is your absolute best. And so long as you're doing your absolute best, the outcome doesn't matter. Because you did everything you could and you know that every time you get something wrong, every mistake or slip up that you make in life you will learn from. You will progress and grow. and with progress and growth your absolute best will be an ever strengthening beast that every week, month, or year of moving forward will dwarf it's former self.

After knowing that you're going to try you best in everything you do, this comes back to a simple question of why be upset about anything out of your control?

The War of Art is a great book, and also Seth Godin's Linchpin on the same topic, Seth and Steven are friends.

http://www.amazon.com/Linchpin-Indispensable-career-create-remarkable-ebook/dp/B00354Y9ZU

I'm also working on this aspect. The things that holds me back are often consequences of actions, something in the future that may never come to pass.

So when I imagine these scenarios, I immediately stop. I slash it in my mind. Therefore, there isn't this negative possibility hanging over my actions.

Step 1: Recognise when you are not in the present (this is the hardest part). So thoughts about the future, possibilities, past events.

Step 2: become present, therefore not thinking about the above.

For example, I often think about some random guy I've seen. I can imagine a whole life together. Happy things. But it's a future, and so if I ever actually see this random again, I'll be intimidated and not do anything.

Another example: Conflicting activities. The other day I was at a small party I was really enjoying. There was another, bigger thing happening. If I left at the exact right time, I could have gone to both. For a week I worried about what I was going to do, unnecessary worry over an inevitable choice: I'd go to one, the other, or both. I could have been saved all the trouble of worry If was living day by day.

So what you seek is living in the moment. It's recommended because it's a disregard of the future that causes anxiety.

A nice audio to listen to is The Power Of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. His voice brings you into the present moment.

What a mind fuck. Not sure how to relate, but as an atheist myself, I've found a lot of personal growth/calmness through reading up on stoicism (focusing on their insights about how to structure one's mind versus their theories about how the universe works).

Admiral Stockdale's (Navy admiral who was a POW in the Vietnam War) lectures on stoicism are a great bite-sized chunk to start with (that's what got me started):

http://www.usna.edu/Ethics/publications/documents/stoicism1.pdf http://www.usna.edu/Ethics/publications/documents/Stoicism2.pdf

Beyond that, the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (Roman emperor/philosopher who struggles with the death of his children and the stress of leadership) are very insightful as well.

Read "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lammot, and then read "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield.

Basic formula: Don't stop reading. Don't stop writing.

Maybe little bit offtopic here I'd like to also recommend "The Power Of Now". Delves really indepth to where the wants, needs and fears come from. They are only symptoms of the underlying way of seeing yourself and the world.

Meditation has helped me to passively embrace who I am and overcome depressions and obstacles. It has also allowed me to take action and be a more

In addition to the wonderful Mindfulness in Plain English (available on pdf for free in the author's website), I would also recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which is less on the practical side (which may turn off secular people like me), but that really goes deep into the root of resistance of the present and what you can do about it. Also, somehow reading it just gives you an amazing vibe.

But it's not your thoughts. It's not you. Depression is a parasite that lives in your head. It's like a tapeworm but a tapeworm that whispers with your own voice. If you had a broken leg or, for that matter, a tapeworm, you'd get it treated. But if it was going "Hey man you really don't want to drink that icky medicine maybe you're just destined to have stomach problems forever because you're a bad person and you know what limps are pretty cool and chicks dig scars how about we just sit here and marathon your favorite TV show" in a voice a lot like your own, you'd trust it. But it's a liar because it wants to live.

Having done CBT, my favorite thing to do is challenge those thoughts or take them to their logical extremes and you'll see how absurd they are. Like "Oh my god, my friend's not answering my email, she must hate me." Like, "Really? You think someone you've known for 10 years secretly hates you? Isn't it way more likely that she's just really busy right now or, I don't know, you wound up in the spam filter?" Sounds pretty fucking stupid to me that someone would put up with me for 10 years secretly loathing me versus the far simpler explanation.

Read a book called "Learned Optimism" by Seligman while you wait for your next session, it'll give you some insight.

Thanks for posting this. I read this book a few years ago, and it was absolutely life changing for me. It's good to go back sometimes and look at the progress I've made in certain directions. I still work on these but have made so much progress! Don't make assumptions is HUGE! How unintelligent someone seems to me now when they do!

Right now I'm reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R Covey, and it takes you deeper into number 2. It really goes in depth about each of us living in different paradigms and building bridges between those paradigms to create interdependence and synergy. If you like The Four Agreements, you will almost certainly love 7 habits. It has been absolutely life changing for me and my relationships with others. It's also helping me to become more successful than I ever thought I could be.

Art by Fan Chung Graham

Geeks know Donald Knuth for his lifetime contributions to computer science, and what's important in parallel is realizing that he's only achieved that with a modern monk mentality of staying focused amidst a world of growing productivity distractions and intrusions. In his words:

> Email is a wonderful thing for people whose role in life is to be on top of things. But not for me; my role is to be on the bottom of things. What I do takes long hours of studying and uninterruptible concentration. I try to learn certain areas of computer science exhaustively; then I try to digest that knowledge into a form that is accessible to people who don't have time for such study.

Whereas a lot of people are peer-pressured into social media with little gain and seeking fast results instead of much longer-term gains, Donald Knuth stays on target, a honeybadger in his persistence to get things done, yet gracious as always:

> Thank you for your patience and cooperation as I try to finish The Art of Computer Programming (TAOCP), a work that I began in 1962 and that I will need many years to complete.

Yeah…Rosa Parks was a full grown Lady Gangster. Years before the bus ride, she worked investigating sex crimes against southern African American women. Here’s the book on Amazon: At the Dark End of the StreetAt The Dark End of the Street

I like the book"7 habits of highly effective people" more cause it's kinda the same but it shows more a side on how to care more about your values and make choices that support those values as this book says "Only give fucks about things you should give a fuck about".

There are a few things in there that go a bit towards the religious side I suppose which you have to read over haha but other than that. I can reccommend that one too.

"No one is in charge of your happiness, except you"

There is whole book called "Happiness and the Law" that is based on different premise:

https://www.amazon.com/Law-Happiness-Eric-Posner/dp/0226676013 > > Since the earliest days of philosophy, thinkers have debated the meaning of the term happiness and the nature of the good life. But it is only in recent years that the study of happiness—or “hedonics”—has developed into a formal field of inquiry, cutting across a broad range of disciplines and offering insights into a variety of crucial questions of law and public policy. > > Law and Happinessbrings together the best and most influential thinkers in the field to explore the question of what makes up happiness—and what factors can be demonstrated to increase or decrease it. Martha Nussbaum offers an account of the way that hedonics can productively be applied to psychology, Cass R. Sunstein considers the unexpected relationship between happiness and health problems, Matthew Adler and Eric A. Posner view hedonics through the lens of cost-benefit analysis, David A. Weisbach considers the relationship between happiness and taxation, and Mark A. Cohen examines the role crime—and fear of crime—can play in people’s assessment of their happiness, and much more. > > The result is a kaleidoscopic overview of this increasingly prominent field, offering surprising new perspectives and incisive analyses that will have profound implications on public policy.

Buy this and read it. How To Stop Worrying And Start Living https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0749307234/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_1KEPS1KSWDH8VXFFQV96

And also remember that alcohol is poisonous to humans. You threw up because your body was trying to keep you alive. I am 38m and quit drinking life had been amazing.

Hello, I'm a bot! The movie you linked is called The Punk Singer, here are some Trailers

Realize and be mindful that you, and only you are the one giving others power to manipulate your feelings. By living consciously of this and practicing to keep this maintained, you're essentially keeping a bullshit filter on yourself at all times. This is a recording I made a while ago on how I stopped caring about being "ugly" to people. I think it relates.

I constantly make songs on these topics. The transience of life as a whole. https://www.bandlab.com/revisions/9de0c662-a339-eb11-9fb4-501ac5b31de6

https://www.bandlab.com/revisions/4c45b426-5838-eb11-9fb4-501ac5b31de6

http://pinterest.com/pin/102175485266462912/

Replace DAY with LIFE....and realize that you are 20 years old! You can improve, learn and move on from this. It will not be overnight but you must TRY to put things into perspective.

Stay positive, focus on the good in your life and how you can change a bad situation into a better one. It is a healing process in which you must make an effort to to get over, but you will power through and be a stronger person as a result. Every person you meet for good or bad, every situation you are faced with, will ultimately make you or break you.

Rise above. Do not become another statistic... !!!

Best of luck and chin up! Face the world and show em what you're made of! Go out there, do what YOU enjoy, surround yourself with positive people, good vibes. Transfer the negative energy into something creative or athletic or whatever helps! Hope you can begin to see that change isn't bad. It simply just requires adjustments, effort and the right attitude.

All the best!

Peace & Love

I bought a cricut a while back and recently bought some heat transfer vinyl. It's pretty easy to do, if you have the equipment.

I've got a whole closet full of $4 Walmart tees with funny saying on them.

Realizing I'm a little late to this threat. However, I've long struggled accepting that I need much time alone to reflect. Finally took the courage to write about it. It's interesting to see how much feedback from like minded people I get now. So I guess I agree, stop seeking validation from others and do what you want to do.

I'm posting the link to my book here. Not sure if it's considered spam or promotion. It's free on amazon anyways. I hope you enjoy reading it. Maybe it helps you get started on your journey of not giving a fuck what others want you to do. Here it is: Alone Time

I like to use flashcards for studying. I use this app (android).

Put the event as the term to remember then the dates as the definition. Create a list. Then use the "review" feature. Repeat several times.

I've been learning Russian that way and it works great for me. But everybody has different ways of studying. Try it out, maybe it'll work for you. It's really simple.

I have a fairly bad chronic medical condition where I am more than entitled to do very little until such time that it clears up (IF, not when) and I can return to some form of normalacy. After nearly 20 years though, I'm not holding my breath.

That said, I have been at both ends of this - relentlessly pushing forward as much as I can, and also giving up and doing zilch. Weirdly, both were awful in their own extremes. I'm having a tough time finding some form of middle ground, where I can handle the load physically, but also keep my mind occupied enough for it to be happy. It is a delicate balancing act.

Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl is a great book on the subject.

I've never heard the quote in the title here and frankly I don't think it's an accurate quote. A quote he is well known for, and what I think OP was going for is:

>There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.

So yes, you know, with facts and stuff. If you think there's something wrong with that, you're gonna have a bad time.

You should really read How To Win Friends and Influence People instead of sitting on the sidelines passing judgement when you haven't given the material a chance. I would say it's probably one of the best books ever written. I think the world would be a better place if every human would just read it once.

When's the last time you bought something you didn't want? I bet not often or maybe even ever, and that's the point.

>The ideas I stand for are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus. And I put them in a book. If you don't like their rules, whose would you use? -- Dale Carnegie

Do you say "hi" to everyone in person? Especially counts when first seeing someone and with new-comers.

If someone literally said "hi" and only "hi" via text message or facebook I would think they're an idiot(sorry, not sure if that's what you meant), if someone said "Hi, hows the shop going?" or "Hi did you get the turbo on?" or something relevant I would start a conversation.

It's also important to not come accross too invested in the conversation if you're not close yet.

Models by Mark Manson is a pretty good guide into social interactions, relationships and what you're doing that's not working. It's actually more geared towards romantic relationships but the lessons within reverberate throughout the rest of your personality and outward persona.

Absolutely bang on. I'm currently midway through a mindfulness course covering exactly this, and arming me with some tools for times of high anxiety (which really clouds my mental ability) has definitely helped. I'd also recommend the book 10% Happier by Dan Harris, which talks about his experience of becoming mindful to deal with stress and anxiety, from the perspective of someone initially very sceptical to these sorts of practises.

The one thing that I've kept central in my head at times of stress, and to remind me to become mindful, is that anxiety only has power over you when you fight it. It's like a small fire, that only grows and becomes dangerous if you add fuel, and will eventually go out if you acknowledge it but don't interfere with it. By acknowledging the anxious thought (and recognising the bodily reaction it can cause) without fighting it, you will find it passes much sooner.

Wax on, wax off.

If you're open to it, read "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. He collected ProTips from 500 of the top business gods of the 1920's-1930's and summarized them in a book. For improving personality traits, one thing mentioned (I've started to do this a lot lately, to great effect) is to start each day by expressing GRATITUDE for your past failures, defeats and adversities, because for each of these events you've experienced in your past, an equal seed of value was planted and has been growing every since.

I'll give you an example. When I was very young, my family moved to another state. I had to say goodbye to my best friend. I tried to stay in contact via letters, but I was never any good at it and we slowly lost touch. For a long time, I regretted it, blaming myself for not making the effort to stay in contact. Today, I can look back at that and say that, unlike many people I've met since then, I have the ability to let go of others. I can say goodbye and move on, without regrets. This helped me move from another place I had once called home, to a new place which I enjoy much, much more. If I had not had that experience earlier in life, it would have been much harder to let go.

Also, alcohol and drugs -- careful with those things. In a small group of trusted friends, sure, imbibe from time to time. But the moment you step out into a party atmosphere with people outside of your trusted circle, in that altered, vulnerable state of mind -- bad shit happens. Even if you have a great time, the next time you go out sober, you'll feel like you need alcohol/drugs in order to have a good time. It takes its toll.

If anything, grab that book, Think and Grow Rich. It's truly an amazing read. Best of luck to ya.

I agree with you completely; it is important to realize that your time is limited. I practice Buddhism, in particular Zen; one of the principles is to know that all things change.

To start, I would recommend Thich Nhat Hanh's "The Miracle of Mindfulness". He has become very mainstream in recent times, but that's because he explains things well. Shunryu Suzuki's "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" is good. Or you could start reading (and rereading) the Tao Te Ching.

This helps explain the Buddhist's idea of impermanence: http://i.imgur.com/JMSiUb5.jpg

I actually think the first two steps of the 'Helpful Links' in the sidebar are pretty good jumping off points.

• Meditation: I would check out /r/meditation for a beginner guide or read 'Mindfulness in Plain English'. Then just start meditating. It basically teaches you to not only not give a fuck about things, but also to not give a fuck about giving a fuck about them. You are basically training your brain to let everything you think about float on by.

• Gain insight into your insecurities: I like the book 'Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy'. It teaches a good method on identifying what your issues are and why they aren't worth worrying about. To put it simply you write what you currently think in one column, wright the errors you make in the second column, and write what the corrected version should be and why it should be that way in the third. When you do that enough the issues just start to feel like they aren't problems anymore and you slowly shift to thinking like in the third column.

Look into meditation. I am a bit of a scatterbrain, not to mention lazy. But after a month of daily meditation (since I'm a beginner, I'm doing 5-6 minutes), I've seen significant improvement in my ability to focus and be productive. If you need more convincing, heck, meditation has made me a happier, more carefree person.

I read Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind first. Then I read a collection of Dharma Talks given by Nhat Hanh, who is really great for beginners as well, I think.

I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was in middle school. It's a struggle but you'll get better and better at dealing with it. I highly recommend reading Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck. It really reduced my anxiety levels in a host of different situations. Good luck, man.

I get it that you think that being the best performers on the team is the only thing that it takes to become a captain.

It isn't. Captainship is about putting the team above yourself. For example, most captains in cricket, are not the best performers of the team. They are the ones with the best judgement about strategy, personal rapport, sense of fairness/justice, etc

I might take a guess that people don't respect you because they believe the same, that performance does not automatically result in good leadership.

Read up on what it takes to be a leader. I would recommend "Think and Grow Rich". It has a list of qualities that a leader must have. We don't need to be pedantic, but a quick reading will be much helpful!

If you have time, I highly recommend reading Your Money or Your Life. It helps to put career and money into perspective with your priorities--including your treasured relationships. If you and your gf are on the same page about your goals and values, then your relationship will grow stronger, and you'll be less likely to make a fatal mistake that ends up destroying your relationship because you'll be focusing on doing things that actually make the both of you happy.

OP, you need to read "Your Money or Your Life". There's so much more to life than work and money, you just need help to realize that. Figure out what truly makes you happy, and then pursue that instead of status/career/money.

I was that guy as well. In fact people thought I hated them when they first met me sober because I was different. My advice, go buy yourself a copy of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and look up mindfulness. If you have any questions shoot me a pm.

> I'm sure you can choose not to become demented if you get > Alzheimer's, or if you can't afford healthy food, have insomnia so you can't sleep, and since your body is fucked you can't exercise all leading to clinical depression, but of you course, you can just choose to be happy right?

That's not what he was saying. What he said was:

>If it isn't under your control, then therefore do not let it harm you. Focus on what is in your control

So let us look at one of your responses.

> I'm sure you can choose not to become demented if you get Alzheimer's.

No, you will become demented. But can you do anything about it? If not, then apply your concern, your efforts, to addressing something which you can do something about. Live your life, as best you are able.

> ...you've created this conception that no matter what happens, you can be perfectly at ease, and it just ain't so.

I would highly recommend reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, as this is not what should be drawn from his writings.

Give me a couple hours to execute my Plan of The Day, and I will hopefully be able to edit this comment with a link to a free download of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Hopefully you'll have the time to read some of it, and draw your own conclusions.

Alternatively, there is also /r/Stoicism, but I don't recall how active they are on a daily basis. I would still encourage you to check them out.

Good looks have absolutely nothing to do with confidence. I'm not sure how motivated you are but if you really want something to help you check out Models by Mark Manson. I had been working in confidence for a while but this helped me leaps and bounds more than anything else

Not to be a dick, but all he had to do was recommend you Mindfulness in Plain English and you would've been just as good. It's seriously all you need when starting out, and even before practicing the meditation part I learned a lot about that philosophy which helps you NGAF.

Thanks for replying so wholeheartedly! I guess I'm really struggling with the concept of these chains of thought not being me since I've gotten so used to them over the past few years, but it makes sense to detach them from myself, because they clearly are not helping.

I'll try to be more logical about my emotions and thoughts, and I'll check out Learned Optimism more - I read through the wikipedia site and took that test thingie (Turns out I'm hopelessly pessimistic, surprise surprise). Thanks for the example with the e-mail, I recognized myself a lot in that reaction! :)

Ignoring the problem wont make it go away. It's important not to waste time and energy over worrying but if your bills are more than you can bring in, then you do need to worry. I find that sometimes worry gives me motivation to face a difficult situation and figure out what I can do to solve it. There are many ways to make money besides applying for full time jobs. I'm currently reading The $100 Startup which lists many examples of people that created a small business for themselves using their skills and hobbies when employment options ran out. I myself pick up small contract work on craigslist and other websites (odesk.com & guru.com).

My point is, there are plenty of ways to make money. Sometimes it's difficult, really difficult but if you keep looking you may stumble upon some easy income.

if you're really into it and interested in some seriously deep metaphysical stuff, try Beyond Mindfulness in Plain English: An Introductory guide to Deeper States of Meditation by the same author.

they actually made a movie of Peaceful Warrior, don't bother with it. just read the book. gave me a lot to think about

You are saying you look good, you are smart, you are responsible, you have long term relationships.. Looks like there is nothing wrong with you, you are only self deprecating ! Love yourself, respect yourself, love what you do in life, and people will love and respect you.

It's funny how when you look at people in the street, you can often tell at first sight if this person has a great life and is happy about it or just seem to live passively, sad.. and that doesn't make people want to approach you.

So start loving yourself, or try to act like you are loving yourself, so you can get out of this infinite loop.

Also consider reading How To Win Friends and Influence People, it's really helpful, + seduction and selfhelp subreddits can help too ;)

There are some good biographies on Teddy Roosevelt.

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt and Theodore Rex

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. Biography of one of the preeminent business leaders of this generation who (arguably) built up a few multi-billion dollar companies through sheer force of will and not giving any fucks. Also just a great story.

The early Christians actually 'borrowed' the ideas encapsulated in this saying from the Stoics. If you're interested in further reasoning along those lines I'd recommend:

'Enchiridion and Discourses' by Epictetus

'Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius

and 'A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy' by William B Irvine is a popular introduction to Stoicism for the beginner.

Hey there. I gotta recommend this book: The Antidote

It specifically addresses how you're feeling. It doesn't ask you to lie to yourself. It will make you laugh at the broken, "I'm wonderful" self-help that's out there. Check it out, it's a quick/easy read.

But chasing it and expecting is to be a constant state of being is making you unhappy, because it's a fleeting emotion. Only way to be in a constant state of bliss/happiness is through drug use.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841 recommend read

Read or listen to this book. It's an increadible book based on an advice column with painful questions asked by real people and honest vulnerable insightful advice is given by the author. I'm not sure where in the book it is but someone asks an almost identical question to you. As per usual her answer is amazing. I think this book is great for many people - the audio book is read by the author (fun fact - the film Wild is based on her life/other-book) which i enjoyed - but someone specifically asks this kind of question and it may help you. I wouldn't assume that it will fix your problem and don't expect an the whole book to be for you, it's just one bit, but you might learn something from it.

Actually scrap that, I went and found the article for you. Here it is but it's also nice to hear in her voice in the audiobook (can you tell I like the book?)

http://therumpus.net/2010/08/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-46-beauty-and-the-beast/

I also included the book as i feel like went on about it a bit

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tiny-Beautiful-Things-Advice-Someone/dp/1782390693

I wish you all the best and my heart goes out to you

If you liked this and want a quick fiction read check out The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

My therapist recommended this book on self-compassion. It might help you with your self-love.

Those are great books! Unleashing the Miracles of Your Mind too.

Full disclosure, I am the author, but it has helped so many people and it is on promo for $1.99 now. Its 3-Tier system to magnetically attract happiness and success, and completely ditch limiting beliefs.

The Power of Now is also fantastic. It will really teach you to find more peace and comfort, but it isn't very applicable if you want to make stuff happen.

Either way continue to read, read, and read it will change your belief systems which will change your life.

Unleashing the Miracles of Your Mind

It's analogous (and hyperbolic, I suspect), not literally true, but if you want to see how the unconscious mind outperforms its conscious counterpart try <em>Blink</em> by Malcolm Gladwell. I also recently read <em>Happiness Hypothesis</em> by Jonathan Haidt and he uses the analogy of the rider and the elephant to describe the same division of the mind. The elephant is the "10 million bit processor," what Jung called the unconscious mind, while the rider represents the 60 bit processor or conscious aspect of the mind--you know, the thinking voice that can be controlled by you (and that many people believe is you). The rider is aware of very little compared to the elephant, and also has little control. Though he tries to convince himself he's in charge the elephant does whatever it wants until the rider learns to tame it.

Yet another analogy (this one from Alan Watts) compares the two cognitive processes to peripheral vision and central vision. Your central vision is good at catching the fine details of a small area while the peripheral vision catches far more, sacrificing quality for quantity. Likewise the unconscious mind receives far more information than its conscious counterpart, which can only focus on a few things at any given time. Hence the 10 million bits vs. 60 bits.

http://www.amazon.com/Therapy-Profane-Way-Profound-Happiness/dp/140194079X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1430583478&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=fuck+it

http://www.amazon.com/F-k-Ultimate-Spiritual-Way/dp/1401945996/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1430583478&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=fuck+it

Voice is something that you can totally work on. You can sign up for a signing classes, or voice classes, and voice coaches. There is a ton of resources on the web. I can recommend this book as well: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0316441589 (the paper version includes a CD with exercises).

The good news is that if you have a weak voice, it might be very easy to improve with just a few exercises and a few sessions. Squeaky voice would be harder to improve, but still doable.

As for the confidence - if you can afford it, check out counselling / therapy. It can do wonders, and as a 32 year old one of my biggest regrets was not going to a therapy 10 years ago...

Just remember - both with working on your voice, and on your self-esteem, that it's all about finding the right way to work on that. You might have to go through a few books/coaches/exercises before you find the one that fixes you. Too many people try just one and say: "oh, reading/therapy/exercises are not for me".

Three final confidence boosters I'd add - dance (Salsa, Tango, whatnot), yoga, and learning public speaking (see Toastmasters). Those things will teach you to be in control. And if you can move or speak, it doesn't matter how tall you are. (I wouldn't recommend gym - gym may boost your confidence, but might not improve your social skills, whereas dancing and speaking will!)

I'm glad and flattered that my words resonate with you! For me the most revealing read was this one here. Mind you that she is a very religious person and it shows in the writing but if you don't mind that, her message is right on. I read it in two sessions. Definitely changed the way I looked at relationships. Can't guarantee that it will do the same for you but it's a start. I haven't explored the genre in a while so I'm sure other publications have been released since then that cover the topic.

I used to have a pretty severe fear of heights. I got over it in college by playing a year-long game of D&D where I played a bird-like creature that could fly. (Intentionally picked that, actually, for this reason.) I think imagining that you enjoy the outdoors on a regular basis would help.

Also, this: http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-With-Self-Hypnosis/dp/0139766138 I've had this book help so many friends who wanted to quit smoking, lose weight, stop whatever they couldn't get themselves to stop.

(Nothing bothering me was what I'd call "crippling", mind.)

HTH!