First thing you need to do is lose the "I'm a pretty weird guy" attitude. If that's how you feel about yourself, chances are it shows to other people. You can be as weird as you want, but if you think of yourself as a "pretty cool guy" instead of a "pretty weird guy" it will reflect in your personality.
Secondly, I would highly recommend you read these two books:
How To Win Friends and Influence People
Thirdly, specifically related to talking to women, I would recommend checking out some of Nick Sparks' videos on youtube.
If you haven't read the sidebar links yet, definitely do that. They are a wealth of knowledge, and will help you not only in your particular scenario, but in the rest of your life.
One general catch-all tip I can give you when talking to girls - talk about them. Make sure you are engaged and interested in what they have to say. Ask them about their hobbies. Ask them about their family. Ask them where they are from. Ask. Ask. Ask. You don't have to avoid talking about yourself, but your focus should be getting them to talk and genuinely listening. "Be interested, not interesting".
Source: Was super anti-social in high school, didn't get over it until my early 20s thanks to the resources I just listed.
/r/stoicism is an amazing philosophy of life. If you aren't familiar with it, you should be.
Read up on some Marcus Aurelius; he was perhaps the last "good" Roman emperor.
Also, the above mentioned Seneca. Epictetus is also very noteworthy.
"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others." -- Marcus Aurelius
"Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." -- Lucius Seneca
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." -- Epictetus
There's also some great modern day work on the subject by Ryan Holiday
Relevant study:
Abstract:
Previous research has demonstrated a strong link between prosocial behavior – particularly autonomous prosocial behavior – and well-being. Little is known, however, about whether and how autonomy might be boosted in the context of everyday kindnesses. We tested the effect of supporting students’ autonomy on well-being gains from practicing acts of kindness in a six-week randomized experimental study in the United States and South Korea. As predicted, performing kind acts while receiving autonomy support led to greater improvements in well-being than performing kind acts without autonomy support or engaging in comparison activities (i.e. focusing on one’s academic work, with or without autonomy support). Notably, these well-being improvements were mediated by feelings of autonomy, competence, and relatedness. The current study is one of the first to demonstrate the causal effect of autonomous prosocial behavior on well-being, as well as the psychological mechanism (i.e. need satisfaction) explaining this effect.
This gist of this and related studies is that being kind to others makes you happy. This is especially true when you choose how you will be kind, rather than doing kindness because it's expected of you. In other words, those new-age hippy bumper stickers saying Practice Random Acts of Kindness are actually scientifically sound.
That's not over-investing, don't worry.
You're allowed to focus your attention on someone that you're interested in, you know. One of the most important lessons in How To Win Friends and Influence People is that being interested in other people is the fastest way to ensure you make friends everywhere. Plus, sometimes it's better to seem more focused on others than on yourself, as it appeals to their desire to be interesting to others. It sure beats coming off as narcissistic or self-centered, which is something that many people do involuntarily.
The important part is not overdoing it.
For example, a few months back I met a girl and she seemed to be as interested in me as I was into her. Two weeks ago we went on a date and I screwed up horribly at the last minute; and even though I like to think that I managed to salvage the situation, she seems to be less receptive lately. The last time I talked to her I told her I had tickets for an amusement park, the answer I got was the dreaded double-tick that means someone got the message but chose to answer it with dead silence. Okay, I get it, no big deal. Looking back I realize that I might have over-invested a little, since I was the one who started the majority of conversations and the one who proposed plans most often. But it was worth a try, and if she's not up for it anymore then I just crack a smile and move on. Lesson learned (but no skin off my back).
I see you posting quite often and your progress since you started is commendable. You're doing well, man, don't sweat it. :)
Mate, you sound like a decent and nice guy. And that's cool. But your mojo sounds a bit dead somewhere. Maybe you are holding yourself a bit too much, too afraid of judgements, rejection, and similar negative stuff? This kind of fear really does kill the mojo.
Don't be afraid to be playful, nor to make mistakes. Meet a girl, tell her she's hot, flirt with her right away. Allow yourself to desire a woman, allow yourself to be rejected.
I think the book Models by Mark Manson would be perfect for you.
Two small touches of luxury I own and appreciate are my French Press and Coffee Grinder. Being able to buy a bag of whole coffee beans from a local roaster and give them a proper grind and brew is a great way to star my mornings.
I use a Baratza Encore Grinder - a often recommended grinder from /r/Coffee and they can be found refurbished from the manufacturer themselves occasionally if the price is a tad much.
As far as the French Press itself - I use this one. Doesn't look too fancy, but its insulated well enough that I don't have to rush drinking my coffee before it gets too cold.
That's really interesting, I'm glad you found a solution that works for you. Was it inspired by Deep Work by Cal Newport? Basically Newport argues that everyone should quit social media because its negatives are in excess of its benefits.
Some basics may be helpful:
And others which are not so much basic as I've found them really useful:
> I want to make a good impression on most people and exude power but still be feminine, especially in professional settings.
https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723
this book has a lot of insights for how women should behave in business settings, what to wear, how/when to talk, etc... but it's kinda written "between the lines", there is no separate chapter for that. But it's a pretty good read anyway
Jump Start Your Social Life by him and Jason Treu is in the "essential reading" list on the sidebar. Really brief, short read, a perfect intro to how Brent rolls.
Have you ever checked out the book No More Mr. Nice Guy? The title is a little misleading, and it's way more about building a healthy relationship with yourself and others than you'd think.
Considering your results - you're called "sweet" but you're not attracting women - it sounds like this might be exactly what you need. It includes a lot of exercises as well, so I recommend at least giving it a shot.
Good luck.
This book is a good start.
See the like-minded sub on the sidebar, especially /r/Getdisciplined
Just going to drop this in here.
http://www.amazon.com/Leader-Who-Had-No-Title/dp/1439109133/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451415990&sr=8-1&keywords=the+leader+without+a+title
Great book. Also suggested "The monk who sold his ferarri" also by Robin Sharma
> I said "hey" to one my female friends charismatically and instantly noticed the changed attitude of other women around her.
This is always funny. It's like a GPS going "recalculating..." There's a reason women say that it's a huge turnoff when a guy is a dick to the waiter...they do a lot of value judging based on how you interact with other people. And rightly so.
> I usually don't have problems holding conversations but the thought of walking up to an attractive lady and starting a convo with her makes me nervous (I'm working on that!). But when I start one, I regret ever having had those stupid thoughts of "it's not worth it, she's too pretty etc."
I'm going to work on a big ol' post about getting rid of approach anxiety nerves. Huge subject...the short answer now is "build social momentum by talking to everyone all the time, and push through the fear." A good book on the subject I've seen recommended is "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway."
Sounds like you're on the right track. As long as you're giving to give, being "the guy to know," and interacting enough, you're going to have amazing results.
Just thought I'd throw this out there but this is very similar with a part of Eckhart tolle's work Where he talks about viewing your thoughts in the third person in order to help yourself remain in the present and conscious.