What are /r/KarmaCourt's favorite Products & Services?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

I call judge, too. I haz proof I asked first (https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/8aqh2d/baby_scooby_doo/dx160tz/).
Let's have a fair poll: https://www.strawpoll.me/15467923

Edit: I accept the results of this clearly fake and manipulated poll. May got have mercy on your toxic souls.

~~If you would like the Reddit District Attorney's Office will take up prosecution~~

Seeing as how an official statement from /u/coinyewest was made here in the courts, and the folloing is posted as a sticky on the sub: http://www.reddit.com/r/coinyewest/comments/1uoqph/read_this_before_crying_scam/

The RDAO will not be pursuing charges leged by the plaintiff

Since I consider we're in a recess, sir Anarchist, please allow me just a question for the Karma Court Reporter, the flagship of /r/KarmaCourtBlog, reporting as a guest editor in this case: You mentioned going to work, and we here were pretty sure you had already in your opening statement. Now, what would you consider arguing in KarmaCourt?

gets pen and pad ready while being pushed from the side by /u/angrytortilla

Alright well let me try to say this again and a bit slower for you. You cannot file any charges after the original lawsuit is filed. Secondly let me address your meme. This lawsuit you provided regarding the $1.2 million was discussing someone picture they took with no use from anyone else's pictures. In your meme it is made up of other peoples pictures. The meme you posted uses a picture from another person of both the kid and jesus. Therefore using your own theory your are guilty of exactly what my client did. You actually stole the format for the most recent meme you posted not shown in this case. I present this evidence: Your Post: (https://www.reddit.com/r/RiceGum/comments/76rc5i/ricegumisabitch/?st=j8uskq6k&sh=441cb54a), the person you stole the meme format from: (https://www.tumblr.com/search/jake%20paul%20memes)

Calmly walks to the back of the courtroom, then runs forward, papers flying, for dramatic effect

Objection your honor!!

The word vandalism [refers to the destruction or defacement of public or private property], and there is nothing more public than the openness that was /r/place. Any redditors, from anywhere, were allowed to express themselves freely on that glorious blank canvas. Therefore, the planned destruction of the Tesla logo does indeed fall under the definition of vandalism, as they knowingly attempted to bar the good people of /r/TeslaMotors from expressing themselves on that glorious public canvas by destroying their artwork.

And as for the charge of Lying, the prosecution would like to point out that, no matter what day it is, Article Two of the Almighty Constitution (long may it reign) still applies to all redditors, including my clients! The lies told by the defendants were told as part of a deliberate attempt to harm the integrity of all members of /r/TeslaMotors by insulting their devotion to Tesla by suggesting that they were paid to promote their community.

(tagging /u/SUPPERP1G for ease)

I would like to begin the prosecution by basically asserting why /u/swanksterino deserves to be prosecuted for acquiring karma that he did not deserve...

Basically he posted in a subreddit that as presented in Evidence B "is where women are not allowed to use their gender as a handicap or an excuse to act like assholes." I think one of the key points in that sentence is the word women. According to this dictionary women refers to a female human being

AS shown in Exhibit A the lioness the post is talking about is NOT a women and thus should not be allowed on the subreddit and thus /u/swanksterino does not deserve the karma...

If you are able to convince me that there is a female human being in Exhibit A than I will be impressed but I have not been shown that yet :O

Looks around smiling as he waits for the response

Hello. I don't normally post here, but I was bored. I submit to the court...

https://web.archive.org/web/20140603203615/http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/277lmj/its_50_cent_ask_me_anything/

If you search for Irish Spring, you will find his comment(pre-gold and unedited). It is listed as submitted 4 hours ago, as does the thread.

The edit occurred after the gold, but did not change the original post. Irish appears to be innocent.

Your honor, today I face a worthy adversary, Justice /u/TheGrandDalaiKarma. This man has brought up several points, and I will be devoting my time to prove him wrong. I am saddened that I have to do this, but it is unfortunately my Karmic duty.

The prosecution asks if the defendant holds the secret to the philosopher's stone. Frankly, after verification, the defense has to conclude that no, the defendant does not hold such a secret, however awesome such a secret may be.

The prosecution anticipates the defense's arguments that the HOLY ASTERISK (and this is how you say it, prosecution) does not appear before 3 minutes. There are two problems with the prosecution's argument on averages.

Firstly, the prosecution fails to recognise that outliers exist. Frankly, yes, some people may take 67 seconds to realise their mistake, but frankly some people will take far longer or far shorter. This presence of outliers makes the prosecution's argument invalid.

Secondly, the prosecution fails to realise that if someone takes 1 minute to edit after 67 seconds of not knowing, the HOLY ASTERISK will not appear. For evidence, I will be screenshotting the screen when I write this post and edit it 67 seconds later. (EDIT DONE)

The defense requests that the prosecution be forced to read the Reddiquette.

The defense motions for the immediate dismissal for such a simply stupid case. (sorry /u/Throwaway4noone no hard feelings)

Oh it is ON.

HP: 481 AC: 22 (you need a 22 or higher plus modifiers to hit me)

See this for more details.

Spells known: can create spells, power dependent on time to prepare them.

*I wave my hand and we are teleported to a rock floating in space, there is an atmosphere. There are also many purple glyphs on the ground*

(Also DnD stats would be appreciated)

Dude that IRL charge part was a bit much, don't you think. But I get it, as it sounds into the woods it echoes back out (German proverb). What comes around, goes around.

Alleged African tradition of celebrating something at end of year time. Short enough? 'Alleged' because hey, I don't know if that was real and somebody only recently (50 years or so) thought it was best to reintroduce something that may or may not have been celebrated in long past times back where they were taken from.

What the black mirror episode about bees? It's not about reddit but more about anonymity of the internet and the sort of 'mob mentality' that you sometimes see on places like reddit. It's an interesting episode for sure with a very real undertone/message but the delivery just doesn't hold up to Charlie Brookers standard imo. Don't think there are many sites you can watch it on for free anymore but I can point you to zooqle.com if you know how to torrent.

Lord Justice; Ladies, gentlemen and Apache Attack Helicopters of the Jury; reporters and divers others. I would like to present evidence that u/Fullmetalborn has brought this shocking case of abuse upon his self. There are numerous self-help services and assistance applications that he could use and seek help from to try and control his addiction, which he recognises is problematic and deeply damaging, and yet instead of trying to help himself he brings his case before this esteemed court. His motivation - I do not know, but I know a karma scam when I see one, and this smells of it to the rafters. If the Lord Justice still dispenses a guilty verdict, I would like to point u/Fullmetalborn towards this service, which I believe can help him and others in his position. [](/GNU Terry Pratchett)

I just linked to some splat balls for sale on Amazon. They look exactly the same as the supposed egg.

https://www.amazon.com/Funky-Squishy-Toys-Squishies-Children/dp/B07217F5RG/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1535493523&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=splat+ball+egg+4+pack&psc=1

May it please the court, I would also like to deliver a closing statement.

The plaintiff himself has said that this is not his own original content. This is not his picture. How can my client be guilty of grandtheft.jpg when the item was never the plaintiff's to begin with? According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, theft is the "removal of an object that is capable of being stolen without the consent of the owner and with the intention of depriving the owner of it permanently." The owner is unknown.

Let me set up a hypothetical situation. I know we all love cats here. If you were to find one on the street, wide-eyed and gaunt, and you had the means and time to take care of it, would you? You don't know if there is an owner. There may or may not be.

Would it be a crime to take in the cat, or host an image, without a precise owner? No.

I propose a complete acquittal and dismissal of all charges, and to have my client's record expunged of this situation.

The defense rests, your honor. Happy Holidays!

How about NSFW tag? We have stick-children in this audience! The thing about that suit is that it I specifically designed it to con the wearer into thinking they will be able to pull this when in reality they will at best end up with this.

Federal Rules of Civil Procedure; 2017 Edition

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1942842104

Federal Rules of Civil Procedure with Selected Statutes, Cases, and Other Materials 2017 Supplement (Supplements)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1454882638