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Credit for link goes to another user comment but wanted to share this as it’s own post. And provide original source as pdf :Premarital Questionnaire
The questions were compiled by Imam Magid, who’s done so many great things it’d be hard to even summarize them. But high on that list is helping authoring “Before You Tie The Knot, A Guide for Couples” By Salma Elkadi Abugideiri, Imam Mohamed Hag Magid
Also interested to see why anyone would be opposed to going over and answering these with serious potentials.
I wrote this book precisely for people like you! I'm working on a companion book for men and also have a revised edition for the original book forthcoming.
Have you heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Here's a recap pic
https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow-hierachy-of-needs-min.jpg
Basically, we all have needs, all starts at the base. Now once you achieve the bottom needs, (Physiological), you then climb up to safety, then love, then esteem, self actualization.
Marriage, in ancient and even uptill recently, started off as as something to fulfill physiological and safety needs. As the West started fulfilling these base needs more easily, people started wanting love, the next level of needs. In the West, love started playing a role in marriage at around 1700's. But still not the kind of romantic love we see today.
Now when love is taken as a given, people start looking for their partner to fulfil their self esteem and have them help achieve their goals (self actualization).
Now this hierarchy of needs, is a pyramid. Imagine it as a mountain in which it becomes harder and harder to climb. You need more and more "oxygen" to achieve these needs, which can make things more suffocating and difficult. So this is what I think most people should reflect on as to why marriage seems so difficult. Changing needs that are harder to fulfill.
Interesting papers to read: Suffocation of marriage:climbing mount Maslow without oxygen
Some people exchange photos. If you are not comfortable with someone permanently holding onto them/screenshot-ing, you can share them over Telegram Secret Chat.
So I got this new app a few weeks before the New Years called everyday.app . I don’t normally follow plans and schedules but this app is the only thing that helped me. It uses a visual streak system that forces you to complete something everyday. You’ll be very tempted not to break it. I’ve been able to read Quran everyday, workout consistently, and read 10 or more pages a day for a month now. I highly recommend you all try it out!
- Maturity. For that, you'll need to know yourself better. Work on your flaws and know what you want in life. Being a responsible person (i.e., fiscally responsible, being able to care for someone, having a job, etc.).
- Understand Islamic marriage. Far too often, people pursue a spouse without fully realizing what it entails. With men, the primary focus tends to be sex and they are sorely disappointed when their expectations aren't met. Marriage is far more than sex. With women, the primary focus tends to be an idealistic and romanticized experience of having partner without acknowledgement of all the hardships. In order to fully understand marriage, read books. Dr. Suzy Ismail has books on it which I've seen some users recommend. I read before you tie the knot found it to be extremely beneficial.
- I'd recommend waiting until you graduate because (a) not many parents are willing to allow their daughter to marry a college student (b) finding a spouse is a stressful experience that can deter you from your studies (c) part of maturity is knowing yourself, and that usually manifests following college graduation for a lot of males.
- Have discussions with your parents on how the marriage process is going to be. A lot of headache and stress can be avoided if you and your parents share the same vision and understanding of what the process and post-marriage life will look like.
- Network and make friends. When you are ready for marriage, your contacts can help by suggesting potentials to you.
I’d like to recommend a book to you that will change your perspective and offer some peace of mind! A friend gave it to me during a tough time and it’s been my go to when these thoughts creep up on me.
It’s called Disciples of Ishq - an insight on true love’s forgotten creed
Disciples of Ishq: An insight on true love's forgotten creed. https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1976080037/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_3P653CFFWBBZVMNN95C2
Just make sure there’s lots of foreplay and the rest shouldn’t make too much of a difference. If she mentions it, tell her what’s up, ask if there is anything she enjoys and work on your technique. Open conversation about sex with your spouse is important and but may take time to develop.
You may want to make an appointment with a urologist and start doing kegels (the excercise you do to increase the muscle tone of your pelvic floor, picture trying to stop yourself from peeing, that squeeze is the excercise) women do these when pregnant to keep from peeing themselves:). It is also the action you use to stop yourself from ejaculating. Stronger muscle = better control.
Here is a reliable site with information.
Sister. My parents are extremely similar and I've gone through many of the same feelings.
I think you will benefit enourmously from that book I recommended as well as this one linked here. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436
Just reading the amazon reveiws can be very cathartic because you will see many girls who have gone through the same thing and that you aren't alone.
I also want to say that therapy is really wonderful and I think would do you good as well. Sending you blessings and wishing you all the best. Remember that you are worthy and deserving of love, happiness, peace, acceptance and all your dreams come true xxx
This is a topic we don't speak about enough, but it is incredibly important. There's a great book called a Taste of Honey that looks at the historical Islamic perspective of erotology and there are many more books that should definitely be mandatory homework in premarital preparation. Pick up one of these books and share it with your potential. Books are a great way to start a conversation with someone and it's a good thing to bring up as you are checking in on other areas of compatability. Once married if there is a struggle with sexual compatability, seek the counsel of a certified sex therapists. There are some great ones in the Muslim community as well.
Oooooh. Actually, my username is referring to the 2016 US election. I actually got it off of this: https://teespring.com/shop/bleach-2016-vote-tee#pid=2&cid=581&sid=front and all the drink bleach memes that were going around on the internet at the time
Greatest Share, not production: https://thenextweb.com/market-intelligence/2015/03/24/who-are-the-biggest-consumers-of-online-porn/
My mistake.
Edit: Here's a list of the top sites in Iraq. Half of the list is porn sites, don't click on the links on the page:
Are they moving into their own place and starting building a home from scratch? In which case, maybe a vacuum, nice containers/dinner sets?, spice jars/racks. Having an idea of what their current homes are like might help know what they'd like, things that are practical, etc. Perhaps Islamic books to work through together (like The Qur'an Journal for each- I got one and recommend it even for yourself sis), puzzles? Fun games to play, activities, etc.
It's saddening to hear your story. I don't think one's past should prevent happiness and joy in the future.
That's the beauty of istighfar and the mercy of Allah. InshaAllah, with sincere repentance, you will be forgiven and your slate will be wiped clean. Don't let your past haunt your present or chain your future. You deserve the best and shouldn't be settling because of mistakes you made in the past. That's not what marriage should be. I think part of this defeatist mentality stems from the lack of successful marriages you've seen throughout your family. Please understand that it doesn't have to be like that.
Your resignation towards not having a peaceful and content life reminded me of this hadith:
وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ لَوْ لَمْ تُذْنِبُوا لَذَهَبَ اللَّهُ بِكُمْ وَلَجَاءَ بِقَوْمٍ يُذْنِبُونَ فَيَسْتَغْفِرُونَ اللَّهَ فَيَغْفِرُ لَهُمْ
By Him in whose hand is my soul, if you did not sin, Allah would replace you with people who would sin and they would seek forgiveness from Allah and He would forgive them.
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2749
Don't despair and give up on improving. Part of improving is also cutting out the bad. The guy does not seem suitable and him not caring about Islam is a major redflag. I'd suggest you end the relationship and continue learning more about Islam and implementing it in your life.
Furthermore, I'd strongly recommend reading books on marriage before you decide to find someone. As another person who didn't really see successful marriages growing up, reading helped me a lot in correcting misconceptions I had about muslim marriages. This book was instrumental in shaping my view of marriage. Perhaps it may help you too.
May Allah make things easy for you.
Maybe try to go for someone who is not from the same culture or ethnicity as you?! There is always Tinder, match.com and okcupid.com or try Muzmatch or Minder. if you're going to look for someone of the exact same ethnicity as you, you're going to have a hard time here. Your personality and character matters a lot more than what most people here think it does. A lot of people here tend to focus on the superficial stuff. If there is a White Canadian who has the same goals and aspirations in life, likes many things that you like, respects your cultural heritage and who you are as a person, why should you turn a White Canadian who shares many similarities with you over someone from the homeland who has nothing else in common with you?
https://www.photofeeler.com/about
> Our flagship product helps people land good jobs and life partners by optimizing their profile pictures using a combination of human opinions and our own groundbreaking AI technology.
Assalamualaikum,
As many have said receiving a dowry from a bride is not correct
Porn is a feedback loop. It's not just porn but also masterbation, they are connected acts. Try looking into groups like no-fap. There's plenty of support online on your to break the habit. If you're on social media unfollow all provocative groups and profiles. Try an app like Fap Tracker. Once you've broken the impulse to give into your physical desire it will get easier and easier. Fast, workout, be with family and friends, and meditation. When things get tough or you feel lonely you'll want to slip, your brain will want to compensate by finding immediate pleasure in the easiest way it knows how.
Think of it like detoxing. Detoxifying is a difficult process, a majority of it is simply willpower. You must first believe you can do it and then simply do it (in this case not do it).
iA you will be guided to a state of purity.
So many options too for cameras that are discreet, as installing obvious security cameras would create alarms and they’d probably find other places outside of the house to be with each other (to avoid detection).
Like this camera disguised as a charger is one of many such devices:
Spy Camera Charger - Hidden Camera - Premium Pack - HD 1080P - Best Mini Spy Camera - USB Charger Camera - Secret Camera - Nanny Cam - Small Cameras for Spying - Surveillance Camera Full HD https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DVH5K4X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QNHTPDP1XDNYKX5ZA1AT
OP already knows improper behavior is happening. All she needs is proof so that when the relevant parties confront her or vice versa, she has something to back it all up.
Here we have a most helpful brother. But I'm sorry to say I've already invested it into stonks. Now I'm gonna be rich and upgrade to this.
Meet more people. Take up hobbies. Join clubs. There's no other option other than expand your social circle. Muslim or not from all ages and background. Don't expect someone to just come and go "here, marry this guy". You have to put yourself out there.
I personally have met multiple groups of single ladies who go on hikes or trips together. Some like marathons. Others meet up for cosplays. There's also cooking groups, boardgames enthusiasts, food hunters, yoga class etc.
Try meetup.com and go from there.
*Before you tie the knot: a guide for couples. This book is a marriage guide written by Muslims for Muslims living in Western countries. It was written by an imam and Muslim family therapist. This book explains everything from communication, conflict, abuse, and includes questionnaire Muslim fiancés and spouses can ask each other prior to getting married.
Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Before-You-Tie-Knot-Couples/dp/1493637053
*Blissful Marriage: A practical Islamic guide This is a book also written by Muslims for Muslims. It offers a comprehensive study of marriage in Islam. It also includes questionnaires Muslims brothers and sisters can fill out along with critical thinking questions.
Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1590080394/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8
I sincerely hope that these books help you and I pray that your marriage is a blessed Union pleasing to Allah. Congratulations 🎉
You can still find it here
I added some pages from magazines or photos from wedding I went over the years. Shameful that I throw it away, because I could send it to you.
You can certainly not answer and reject the potential. But if you are going to marry the person at least respect the person's dealbreakers.
Dealbreaker
>something that is important enough to you to prevent you from agreeing to something, buying something, etc
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/dealbreaker
How hard is it to get a job in a different school district in Ontario? Flexibility will go a long way in helping you connect with a good guy. Think long term, are the years (iA) you'd get with a potentially good husband and father to your kids worth the few months it would take to get settled in a new school district?
I also saw this in your post history: > Is it the bad boy or the best friend that leads to a good Nikkah?
You should do some introspection on your preferences! Again, think long term, which of those guys is going to be there for you years down the line? I really recommend that you read the book "How to Not Die Alone" by relationship coach and researcher Logan Ury. It's from the non-Muslim perspective, but much of her advice can be adapted for Muslims. In her book, she says people often don't prioritize the things that make for lasting relationships - she even gives an example from her own life of pursuing the wrong guy and dismissing a good one (who is now her husband) before coming to her senses.
Daily adhkar with this app helps. Very organized and one of the best if not best available
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/dhikr-dua/id1561598617
And
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.alifewithallah.app&hl=en_US&gl=US
And don’t post on social media about ur marriage or ur life in detail. The more u post online the more you invite evil eye.
Other than that your good to, in person interaction is fine.
Also no pda in public with ur spouse as it’s not allowed.
Hope that helps
Assalamu Aleikum. I am not a medical professional at all. Just a guy that nearly died one too many times. Lost most of my 20s to low mood and will never be whole or pain-free again. I have just learned to survive and read a lot of books. Alhamdulilah I have faith and family around me to help me.
This would be my first recommendation. Gather love around you. It is incredibly healing. You will behave badly, people will struggle with you, and you won't feel like you deserve it. But it is important to feel it.
Secondly, this is not my idea. As I said I have been reading a lot, this is Bessel Van Der Kolk - The body keeps the score.
Thirdly I knew this stuff but still didn't feel good. Until I encountered Islam. Let your mind grow by studying but never abandon the Quran. You will start to see lessons in it you haven't seen before.
Finally, losing the will to live is a serious condition. I have PTSD; 55% of sufferers don't survive longer than four years. If you have nobody to reach out to, reach out to me.
I know with many women, they say dressing up, feeling beautiful really helps get them in the mood. If you try to initiate more often I'm sure he'll appreciate as you've already said.
In terms of resources, this is a very good book written by a good Muslim sister for sisters to help please their husbands. Some of the techniques and suggestions in the book will help you get in the mood as well. You can buy it on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Muslimah-Sex-Manual-Halal-Blowing-ebook/dp/B071X4GPLK
I don't want to talk too much and sound overbearing, but I found this book really helpful when trying to understand what I should be eating/not eating when pregnant: https://www.amazon.ca/Real-Food-Pregnancy-Prenatal-Nutrition/dp/0986295043
In my experience it's really hard to eat when you're pregnant sometimes as there can be so many aversions, so do what you can and be gentle with yourselves inshallah
I'd suggest you start with this short read by a professor: In Defense of Flogging by Peter Moskos
https://www.amazon.com/Defense-Flogging-Peter-Moskos/dp/0465032419
This is assuming that you find harsh punishments, like flogging, too much and inhumane.
Small crimes would make do with a good flogging but actions like zina (adultery) and murder that obliterate the fabric of society need to he dealt with strictly, to curb them before they even start to destroy a community.
We Muslims maintain the infinite wisdom of Allah, Lord of the Worlds. How convenient is it for humanity that His harsher Commandments aren't some empty rituals - they ALWAYS have a meaning behind them and are actually for the benefit of human society.
I’m not married yet- but I’m thinking to paint the canvas with my SO together like a good memory? Like finger hand painting or something you both enjoy?
Also, I don’t have many paintings except one large one in the living room. I use a dry erase calendarwhich helps me with important dates and time management. I also put up sticky notes with other reminders. You can also put up your quotes or a poster.
I’m usually working on home decor, so I would be happy to help out :)
This is why I wrote "The Islamic Marriage Guide: How to Find a Compatible Spouse". It teaches how to enter Marriage and what to look for in a Potential Spouse - based on the Quran and Sunnah.
What you'll find:
• The Purpose of Marriage, • Why Righteousness is the Foundation of a Successful Muslim Marriage • What to Look for in a Potential Wife • What to Loof for in a Potential Husband • How to Handle the Proposal, and • How to Conduct the Nikah
Your spouse is the one person who gets to see you in all lights, you wake together, sleep together, eat together. You see each other in the most vulnerable ways. So wanting a connection isn't wrong. It's natural to want a connection.
The question for you is how can you go about building that connection. Maybe starting with couples therapy for a few months and reassessing how you feel might help. Maybe reading this book with him and having an in depth conversation about your and his needs might help you both.
Also, understand and communicate to him what it is you need in order to heal. What does healing look like for you? And tell him how to best support you as you are healing. Individual therapy might also help you explore this.
Give yourself time, explore options to grow with each other, and reassess your feelings after six months. This might make things clearer for you. And of course, ask Allah (SWT) for clarity and to guide what is best towards you. May Allah (SWT) grant you ease.
Al Quran (Tafsir & by Word) https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.greentech.quran&hl=en_GB&gl=US
It has translations in many languages, many speakers who recite the Quran (you can choose your favourite), it has no advertisements, bookmarks and notes! etc,
I'm sure you can find YouTube lectures, but I do have a somewhat exhaustive source if you're interested. Sh. Hatem Al Haj wrote a book about gender relations that is very good as I've been told (have yet to read it all, only parts).
What I hear from you is that it is important for you to be in a relationship with someone who dresses well and cares about how they look.
Your fiance doesn't do that. He is telling you that through his actions. He is not willing to change that. And he will not change that in the marriage. You are marrying who you see.
Now you know something about yourself and your needs and something about him. Is this something that you're willing to live with? There is no right answer, it's your decision as to how you'd like to proceed. If he's open to reading this book with you, it goes over needs of husbands and wives in a marriage and I believe one of them is looking good/hygiene/dressing well.
Historically, most people do not change unless they themselves decide they need to. So I guess the question is is this something you're willing to live with?
Buy a mass protein powder.
Optimum Nutrition Serious Mass Weight Gainer Protein Powder, Vitamin C, Zinc and Vitamin D for Immune Support, Strawberry, 6 Pound (Packaging May Vary) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0015R36XU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_NQSVYP9EF8C8F0HTACDH?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Get something like this for him. Buy a protein shaker bottle with it. Make 2 protein shakes with milk a day. In 6 weeks he’ll gain like 10 lbs
Spend this time learning about the Islamic perspective/fiqh/rights on sexuality. Here is a highly rated book that you should read - you'll see several sisters who have benefited from it if you look at the reviews.
Get comfortable talking about this issue with your prospective partner when you are in the late stage of your premarital talks. Tell him you'd want some time to get comfortable with him before attempting intercourse. Do not be shy and mistaken that it is unIslamic to talk about this (as long as you are not crude), the women of the sahabah would ask the Prophet ﷺ questions about sexual health and practices.
This is just an example btw. Not sure how a female version would be any different though 😅 Mens Belt, Elastic Belt for Men, Black Belt Buckle Stretch Woven Belt https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07V31352X/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_XPX2QAX5CF1ZKRHQBHGY?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Ask him to try PYT Balm. He'll go easily for 30 mins.
Pau Yuen Tong Old Chinese Balm by FH https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00MSYJKKM/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_7BVBWCHKEPZ31G62J4S6?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Also, make sure he satisfies you first before entering you.
The 100 questions is a free online resource, so you should def check it out too: https://www.rahmaa.org/resources/100-questions-by-imam-magid/ The Imam and a Muslim marriage counselor also wrote a book together: Before You Tie the Knot: A Guide for Couples https://www.amazon.com/dp/1493637053/
I understand wanting preserve your peace and comfort, but I suggest being a little more proactive, esp since you are in your late 20s. Eg. instead of a nebulous idea of waiting a "few" years, you should make a serious evaluation at the end of every year on if you are ready to get out of your comfort zone. Because it's easy for a few years to become many years otherwise, especially when someone is trying to avoid past trauma like feelings. And to be real with you, finding a good guy in your mid 30s (if you wait that long) is going to be tough as a woman, the pool shrinks considerably.
In the meantime you should read some relationship resources like the ones I linked so that you build confidence and understanding on how you have control and power in the relationship seeking process.
> I have given people a chance in the past because I knew them beforehand and thought they would be different but they still didn't turn out to be good people so now I just don't want to give anyone a chance
This part I don't fully understand. Isn't that the whole point of the search process - you give someone a chance and explore compati
I disagree with waiting around and expecting that something will fall in your lap like a fairytale - and so does the author of this book (you should definitely read it to assuage your concerns): How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982120622/
The author is a behavioral scientist and runs the relationship research division at Hinge. It's not Muslim specific, but I think a good deal is relevant to Muslims.
There are lots of tools at your disposal to gauge how a person is to minimize the possibility of things breaking apart after marriage. Eg. go through Imam Magid's 100 questions, get to know them in different contexts (with their friends, their family, etc), do an activity/project with them that requires collaboration. I don't doubt that you've seen a bunch of bad relationships, but the difference is that you can be deliberate and strategic so that Insha'Allah things will work out for you.
I suggest the ones in Blissful Marriage. They are really good.
(And the book is overall excellent. I am recommending it to everyone.)
Go for it! There's no better time to get married than now.
Please learn about marriage in the meantime. I recommend reading Blissful Marriage (but skip the first chapter). It's an excellent read.
Sunnah way is to have it segregated (no freemixing between males and females, seperate halls or a barrier. alternatively, marked tables for specific family who are mahram to each other) and no music (only exception is the daf drum). And to feed people. Simple and open, rather than extravagant and exclusive.
Nikkah is usually something simple, some just offer dates and then the walima will be at a restaurant/home/other wedding venue to feed the people invited a proper meal. Nikkah and walima usually on separate days.
Dancing is up to the culture, I know that in some middle eastern cultures there's dabke. In southeast asian culture it's not usual for anyone to dance in the wedding (except this is changing and dancing is becoming a thing), sometimes men will dance- usually they're punjabi. Not sure about how it is in african cultures for muslims. Generally I'd say it's not necessary and if it requires music or lewd dancing stay away from it.
Cake cutting is up to you guys, most people do it but again not necessary.
With costs, do everything within your means. Don't put yourself into debt for it. So yeah it is a everyone-does-what-works-out type of thing. But there are general guidelines (don't make it a hub for more fitnah, keep it simple).
About resources, a good book before you get married would be this Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage by Abdur Rahman It takes you through pretty much everything from the search to the marriage itself.
Read the book Blissful Marriage. There's a full chapter about it, with a questionnaire. It's long, but very insightful. I'm doing this with a potential, and it's great.
The hanafi position can be found in this book:
Birgivi's Manual Interpretted: Complete Fiqh of Menstruation & Related Issues
It has been simplified into a guide:
Hedaya Hartford
Coming Of Age A Muslim Girls Guide
What if you stopped overthinking and second guessing everything? I can understand why you would be insecure about the whole process, but at the end of the day, the only things you can do are your due diligence and you du'as.
> I'm not sure if I'm ready for a wedding either
You mean ready for marriage? I suggest you learn about it. You'll see if you are ready. I recommend Blissful Marriage. It's an excellent book.
I encourage you to read Blissful Marriage and to hand out the form that included in it to men. Feel free to adjust it to your needs. It's a wonderful way to quickly figure out how they stand on important issues.
Firstly. I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. Think of it this way - you’re already being accused of doing things you’re not doing. Your sisters and mom already think you’re talking to guys, etc. and still harassing you. They don’t seem like people you can please to be honest.
The best thing you can do is take charge of your life. Move out, establish boundaries with your family and get on an app or start attending local match making events. It’s never too late to make a change. May Allah make it easy for you.
Also this book has been highly recommended by others I know in similar situations.
I'd suggest you buy and read the following book: before you tie the knot
I found it very useful in figuring out how a proper islamic marriage process is supposed to work. Being a revert, I think it will be even more beneficial for you as it goes over all the basic and advanced issues every individual interested in marriage should seek from a potential.
Marriage: The Making & Living of It https://www.amazon.in/dp/148027853X/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_CW5AR9ZR2S5MGS4Y8756
Skinny little book. Well written with some good insights. Written my one of my mentors.
This will not answer all your questions but I heavily recommend Blissful Marriage. It has been written by a muslim couple. The woman is a trained psychologist specialized in family affairs.
I advise to skip the first chapter (or rather, leave it for the end). It's full of statistics, and although it is somewhat interesting, it's not what you're looking for. All the rest is excellent stuff. It adresses how to properly select your spouse, how to embody Islamic values in married life, how to solve issues in a couple, etc. It does all this with frequent references to the Quran and the sunnah, but it's a practical book nonetheless; it doesn't dwell on juridic stuff, and involves spirituality in just the right amount. I highly recommended it.
Really well thought out post!
If anyone is confused about what the signs of abuse are, highly recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Make sure you don't have any of those traits yourself and refer back to it if you ever get a bad gut feeling with a prospect.
You can buy the kit online (I got mine from Amazon, they usually are on sale for Black Friday)
Basically you spit into a tube and send it to a lab. After a month you get the results in your phone through their app. You can choose to have your data be included or not be included in their genetic research, just know that your data will stay in their database (read their privacy policy here)
It’s really cool because it gave me an ancestry break down as well as my risk for various conditions. I had no idea I was a carrier for something (not high risk to me or my future children iA) but it was just very interesting to see! I got the Health + Ancestry kit :)
People use it as a verification to who they are talking to is an actual person, do them a favor and give them your LinkedIn or actual CV, or just send a timestamp pic.
Honestly it's no one's business what social media you have or not. Some people just hate it or don't see the appeal of it and are quite content that way. And I think both parties need to come to a compromise app, like *cough* Signal*cough*.
Last thing I want is someone gets a window into my personal life before even talking to me.
Also @ /u/AnotherWaahid
This article might help.
https://zapier.com/blog/actual-impostors-dont-get-impostor-syndrome/
Comments might help or hinder :P https://old.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/pavlwi/actual_impostors_dont_get_impostor_syndrome/
Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage by Mufti Abdur Rahman Mangera. I've started reading this book and it's good so far. Inshallah, I complete it soon
I feel your pain, there are few things you can do to reduce noise. Tighten the screw in your bed. Put anti vibration pads under the bed legs and behind the head board. E.g (Diversitech MP4-E E.V.A. Anti-Vibration Pad, 4" x 4" x 7/8" Pack of 4 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BVEMLR4/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_TX6S7E0Z8Q0EDCSEAZEG). Get a heavier door, if you live in west, doors tend to be hollow, heavier material door close out the noise. Get a padestal fan that makes a lot of noise (white noise is great for noise reduction), make sure to cover the bottom of the door with towel or something thick which reduces noise. Hopefully this helps.
This is a book given yoo me by my in-laws. I think it explains the new dynamic very well Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933764163/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_JJ1TYQRANRTM4531VEX9.
Pretty sure it's normal in all cultures not western. Even in the West, it only became a thing in the 1970s.
>https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dads-in-delivery-room_n_3845268
>It wasn't until the mid-1960s and early 1970s, with the advent of second-wave feminism and Dr. Robert Bradley's seminal book Husband-Coached Childbirth, that dads started to get involved. "In the 1930s, if your wife was in labor, it was okay for you to be at Yankee Stadium watching a game," said Eisenberg. "Now, there's a cultural expectation that husbands will be in the delivery room."
There's no scientific evidence for or against it. Some studies show it's bad for women others show it's good.
Honestly, whatever the woman wants.
Get the community version of intelliJ. Jetbrains (the company that makes intelliJ) makes really good IDEs for Java and Python (Pycharm).
If you're looking for a more generic IDE to use for any language, then I'd recommend Visual Studio Code (I use this one for everything other than Java).
A lot of things. Hairstyle, clothing, posture...
The one that friends liked the most but was rated the worst, had me cuddling 3 cats who were fighting for space on my lap. "This is so you!" By my beard needed a trim, I needed a haircut, and my clothes were frumpy since we were on a farm all day. It was a very candid and unplanned photo.
For the best one, I trimmed my beard, had a haircut, put on some good clothes. I made sure the lighting was good. I set up my camera on a small tripod, with the self timer and multi-shot feature. Struck a pose - with good posture - as if I was having a conversation with friends. And click click click. Then I chose the best one from the lot, where my eyes were open and my smile looked natural. I also tweaked the contrast and colour saturation a little bit since cameras aren't designed for darker skin by default.
Equally good was another where I posed while working on a hobby. Same camera/phone on a tripod setup.
Take a look at Photo Feeler. Their blog has some really good tips.
I use these shower wipes for situations like this so I don’t have to shower post gym. They’re like wet wipes but huge. They actually work really well.
I was gifted this book for my wedding. There’s a censored and uncensored version so keep that in mind. Only a few chapters in but so far it reads great.
So he needs an accountability partner that's not no and is off the same gender. There is a series called "The Conqueror Series" that talks about how to deal with pornography that will be extremely helpful (it's pricy but take it as an investment into your marriage). He need to have a session with consular that specializes in porn addiction.
Also, lastly there is a book that I will encourage both you and him to read together
Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction: The Road to Recovery Goes Through Your Childhood https://www.amazon.com/dp/B096YW2ZTX/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_D9K47WH59RVEA1WKXWPZ
Remember recovery is a process and it's a switch that you can turn off and on when you wish. He needs to accept this and begin the journey
There are many resources you can use to educate yourself, e.g. The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex by Umm Muladhat.
What boundaries have you and your parents put in place to prevent emotional dumping?
Here's the Boundaries book on how to set boundaries.
No one can have access to you unless you give them access.
"Dear sis. I understand that you're going through a lot. But im having a difficult day myself right now. Can we get together at a later time to discuss your situation? "
There are silicone ones that people wear to the gym. Affordable and effective
Yeah definitely don’t do the mini standing one, I tried that and hated it, it’s super clunky. I have been using this one for a few months, it’s super sturdy and it works great
FEZIBO Electric Height Adjustable... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08D73C9FH?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Dua at times of worry & sorrow اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّي أَعْوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الهَـمِّ وَ الْحُـزْنِ، والعًجْـزِ والكَسَلِ والبُخْـلِ والجُـبْنِ، وضَلْـعِ الـدَّيْنِ وغَلَبَـةِ الرِّجال O Allah, I seek refuge in you from grief and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from being overcome by debt and overpowered by men (i .e . others). Al-Bukhari 7/158. See also Al-Asqalani, Fathul-Bari 11/173 https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.arshan.dhikrdua
My Home, My Path: A Comprehensive Source Book for Today's Muslim Woman Discussing Her Essential Role & Contribution to the Establishment of Islaam - Taken From the Words of the People of Knowledge Here
Not just for marriage, but for your whole life in general.
Everyone will have different opinions and thoughts. Personal preferences also play a big deal. I'd recommend reading books on the issue if you really want to prepare yourself.
Before you tie the knot is a good starting point and covers a lot of the essentials for a practicing muslim.
So what we use in our company to improve communication and eq is disc testing. Your behaviour can be categorised into 4 colours and 16 profiles. Once you get to know all colours and profile’s traits, strengths and weaknesses you start to recognise certain things and respond differently to it because you start to understand where an “annoying” behaviour is coming from.
You can do a test yourself for free at: https://www.mydiscprofile.com
If you’d like to read more about this subject I would really recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.nl/Surrounded-Idiots-Behavior-Effectively-Communicate/dp/1250255171/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=surrounded+by+idiots&qid=1607928289&sprefix=surrounded+&sr=8-1
theres a book written by mufti muhammad ibn adam called islamic guide to sexual relations. goes into detail about personal hygiene, sexual acts and various other things, very informative.
https://www.amazon.ca/Islamic-Sexual-Relations-Muhammad-al-Kawthari-ebook/dp/B08GCZ23QH
WalaikumAsalam! I'd recommend going to marital counseling - there may be some things that you can't explain to each other or an underlying cause you haven't understood which a counselor can help you both with. Also, if you and your wife are up for it, I'd recommend reading this book together: His Needs; Her Needs. The author addresses needs that both men and women have in a marriage including the need of staying physically attracted to each other.
I am not a wax sealer. But this set on Amazon has options for every letter and looks pretty good.
These are great questions and they're all answered in my book "When Muslim Marriage Fails." But just to give a brief summary, marriages that are successful have a lot more to do with how content the individuals are, how comfortable they are with themselves, and how value dimensions can be understood and met half way.
>have begun to be much more critical of myself. I want to be a good husband.
This is good to see, but be balanced in your criticism and don't be too harsh on yourself. Give yourself time time to improve (physically, intellectually, spiritually etc.)
>any Islamic books/articles/videos that are insightful on being a Muslim husband in a western country
There's plenty out there but someone recommended to me Before you tie the knot and it was quite good. Wasn't particulary aimed at husbands but it defo gets you thinking about the big picture.
I recommend the following two books:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Start-Cook-Usborne-Cooking-Chisholm/dp/1409504972/
and
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Beginners-Cookbook-Usborne-Cookbooks-Fiona/dp/0746085389/
They'll get you up to speed staples like pasta, rice, salads and a bit of baking too.
Try amazon smile to donate to a charity of your choice automatically at no cost to you!
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If she comes from that background, why not share Umm Mudhalat's book with her?
https://www.amazon.com/Muslimah-Sex-Manual-Halal-Blowing-ebook/dp/B071X4GPLK
So I just made the pumpkin spice latte and it came out great.
Add espresso, cinnamon and nutmeg (the pumpkin spice), and pumpkin extract. Then add heated and frothed milk and enjoy.
For matcha it requires more steps. Add the matcha into the cup and whisk it until you get all the clumps out. I reccommend using a milk frother wand because one like this has multiple uses aka milk frothing and matcha whisking in a single product.
Add water heated to 175 degrees Fahrenheit (boiling will burn and bitter the matcha) and keep whisking for clumps. Add the heated and frothed milk with however much sugar you like and you're good to go.
Sorry, this is perhaps not the best resource for getting introduced to the theory. If you want a more detailed introduction please read this book. This test is just a quick screener and it is quite possible that it may incorrectly classify you.
Here’s the link to the book from which the excerpt was taken: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dangerous-Narratives-inside-mind-forged-manacles/dp/B08BRLHWDB
https://www.amazon.com/Sealed-Nectar-Biography-Prophet-Muhammad-ebook/dp/B00DOKDP46
Read this. Best book ever.
I cant change your family, but maybe try pure vanilla beans? or even in paste form, they can be substituted for extract in most cases.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Taylor-Colledge-Vanilla-Bean-Paste/dp/B007TA9N7A/
alright, so I read the prophet used grow his hair until it reached his shoulders and then he would shave it all off. So I tried doing the same, but my hair is too thick and stubborn for it to be properly combable. You gals have any tips? My hair is dry, so I only shampoo once a week. I put this conditioner in my hair everyday.
But my hair still poofs out instead of coming down and it was pretty long. If I pulled it down it would be between my lower lip and chin. It took too long to comb, so eventually I gave up and now I have a buzz lol. Went from caring for my hair everyday to if I need to comb my hair at all its time for a hair cut.