It sounds like you have the Alpha part down, and borderline Rambo.
Sprinkle some beta on it.
If you don’t date and game your wife, someone else will.
You pulled back too far and now she feels alone. The Captain has set the course for the ship, taken care of everything and now it’s all on autopilot.
So the Captain leaves the bridge and the FO wonders what to do next, cause the Captain’s gone and the FO is alone on the bridge with nothing to do.
She wants connection and inclusion. Delegate, but don’t tell her what to do. The pinnacle of leadership is to get someone else to come up with your idea and execute it with passion and precision.
Read Models by Mark Manson and The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida to get a handle on her feeeelz.
Treat her like a woman. Game, kino, etc.
My wife told me I was getting cold to her. I walked up to her, put my right arm behind her back and slid my my hand up the back of her head and gently pulled her hair as I gave her a 10-second kiss.
Then I told her she will always know how to warm me up. Out of respect for this sub I’ll leave out the relevant details, but it was definitely the right move at the right time.
>everyone is telling me to take my time
Yeah, your friends are right, be patient.
>What do you suggest I read and study and apply to my life?
Which books have you read from the sidebar / post series?
I'd read other things first (i.e. sidebar, https://www.amazon.com/Biblical-Masculinity-Blueprint-Attraction-Relationships/dp/1948252074/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=blueprints+biblical&qid=1610318242&sr=8-1, RPC blogs) and I'd be wary about giving it to someone who was new to a new Christian or who lacked biblical discernment. Also, as Richard Baxter said "Make careful choice of the books which you read: let the holy scriptures ever have the pre-eminence, and, next to them, those solid, lively, heavenly treatises which best expound and apply the scriptures, and next, credible histories, especially of the Church... but take heed of false teachers who would corrupt your understandings." - in other words, read the Bible more than anything else.
I haven't finished watching the video yet but in it he talks about his faith. He basically says he identifies as a Christian but recognises that he isn't a Christian in the same way as Dalrock is (who he sought views from when writing the book). Based on what I've read from him in his other books and seen in the video I agree with his own assessment.
I probably will check it out at some stage but there are a lot of other books on my reading list first to get to.
>I would appreciate your thoughts on how to balance acknowledging where you need to grow, and also practicing some dread and STFU without just acting butthurt or emotional yourself.
​
You've received some great advice here already, so I only have 2 things to add.
​
First, it's a matter of priorities. You sound like a very busy guy, so it's simply a matter of rearranging your to-do list (like you already mentioned you did, with some success) to make sure this is taken care of. Not that you're doing it to make her happy, but because it's an important part of your mission, she's reminding you, and it will eliminate conflict in this area which is a win for you. Get a win under your belt here.
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Second, have you read WISNIFG yet? Techniques like Fogging and Negative Inquiry would be helpful tools for the verbal sparring you are having to engage in, and can be very useful for defusing these kinds of situations.
My book is one of the Christian ones for men.
The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint: A Christian Man’s Guide to Attraction, Relationships, and Marriage in a Messed-up World
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QPQ9FRD/
"It's good to be a man" is supposed to be decent. They've had some run ins with Dalrock when he was still blogging and were standoff-ish and generally negative toward the Christian manosphere, so I'd take it with a grain of salt.
The other ones on the sidebar are mainly secular I believe.
Start with the Bible and the Sidebar, and pick up a copy of The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint by u/Deep_Strength. That will get you off to a good start.
Are you born again?
> You're wasting your time by commenting I'm ranting/venting because it's frustrating you're probably some boomer who easily found a virgin who had everything else you wanted and now want to complain about a young man complaining
Ah, ignorance is bliss. Maybe you should listen to what I'm saying because I actually married a Christian virgin less than 5 years ago in this cultural climate.
I wrote a guide and book on it too.
https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/actionable-steps-to-finding-a-wife/
https://www.amazon.com/Biblical-Masculinity-Blueprint-Attraction-Relationships/dp/1948252074/
If you want to rant and complain then have at it. I'm not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't want to learn. You do you.
> You can begin with reading two books I will recommend. The two authors don't 100% agree with each other and they are secular. Why are they secular?,...because no Christian authors that I have ever run across knows anything about RP and most aren't that great at marriage counseling and most just serve to "finish off" the dying animal with bad advice and bible platitudes. I have formal training under a Pastoral Major and am disgusted at how Christian leaders have dropped the ball. So the two books are below,...learn what you can from them. You're not going to get anything on a Reddit Sub that gives you more or anything better.
Haven't read my book?
> A false DV charge would wreck me.
I'd say consult your lawyer about the applicable wiretapping laws where you are, and then get a small recording device:
Record as much of this behavior as possible, and make sure it's all backed up in a spot where she can't access it.
The purpose is twofold: Maybe you get her on tape threatening the false accusations, but also if she's painting you as a monster to the kids you can sit them down and play that footage.
Go to ProtonMail and make a new account, then email them him anonymously with all the links you think he should read. He will probably think he got them by mistake, but maybe he'll check them out anyway. And he would never know you sent them. You could say something like "Hey bro, thought you might find these links interesting - be sure you don't share it with anyone else!" That should hook him enough to at least take a look. Pray and leave the rest up to God.
There are no official RPC podcasts/youtube in existence. There are many secular ones, but you have to filter through Scripture. There are many generic Christian ones on the topic of marriage/relationships, but you have to filter them through what Scripture actually says, which is difficult because they'll tell you screwed up interpretations quite often on what they think Scripture says.
While I haven't gone into it much, u/OsmiumZulu has pointed out to the mods the existence of https://itsgoodtobeaman.com - which directly references the red pill from a Christian perspective. OZ notes: "we have far more in common than we have differences." I have not listened enough to endorse them, but what I've heard definitely intrigues me.
If you're interested, go listen to their stuff, then write up a report on it.
Here's the specific one OZ linked to us: https://www.buzzsprout.com/266333/1056727 - I will note: I'm a little miffed at the fact that they spend a good chunk of time in the beginning whining about the fact that they want to be able to talk about "Truth" without having to cite the Bible and they get annoyed by people who expect them to cite the Bible all the time. They say, "Scripture is the final authority, but it's not the only authority" - which is technically true, but if leaning too heavily on the second half, it can have severe negative repercussions in their belief and effectiveness. I need to explore them more before I can endorse or nix them.
I do already have a book on the topic. Biblical Masculinity Blueprint
Although the book is on the Scriptures and relaying godly relationship advice rather than analyzing RP structures.
Have you read "Men on Strike? I haven't, but I've watched some interviews with the author and she identifies quite a few possible reasons for the decline in marriage, specifically reasons men are deciding it's a bad deal. I think most of her points are probably in your list now.
> I'm pretty sure my wife is now trying to gain weight. She has been making tons of fatty/sugary dessert foods, and then eating that and not much else. Then she complains about how bad she feels all the time. It's frustrating. I try to make healthy food, but she doesn't eat what I make very often.
You should watch Fed Up with her over the holiday weekend. The new year is coming, and that movie could set the stage for some big changes if you present it in a non-finger pointing way. "I need to eat better and would like your support to make that happen" vs. "You need to eat better, and so do I."
​
You need to take the lead here Captain. If you get resistance, just set a boundary "There will be no unhealthy food in the house beginning January 1st. If you want it that's fine, but don't bring it home. If I find it I will throw it away." State it plainly and without judgment.
​
>Very little Bible study. This seems like my biggest and most consistent failure, especially since it's the one that's the most easily fixed.
I advised you on this last week. At some point you have to actually lead if you want things to change. Or you can remain below deck, drunk and passive while the FO pilots the ship. Your call.
My family bought me this a decade ago, and it was quite funny! If you need a book to help lighten the mood, this one is great: https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Girls-Alec-Greven/dp/0061709999/ref=nodl_
> He does have a job, his mom and dad are handling room and board, but he's on his own for other items since he got the job. His game consoles were sold off to cover the fine he got.
Does he have a vehicle? Is it his vehicle? Does he pay for insurance/gas/maintenance/etc?
Does he have a cellphone? Does he pay for the device/the plan/etc?
Does he do anything extracurricular? Movies, sports, hobbies, etc? Does he pay for all of that? (This one can be an odd one ... I don't want to take my son out of the boxing lessons I pay for, but it will be a consequence if he's dumb enough.)
The Boundaries books by Cloud and Townsend are huge IMO in many areas of life ... this area with teenagers is a big one.
Boundaries with Teens book on Amazon
Little late in the game for this guy, but still ... a good read for plain and simple understanding of consequences in real life.
Try amazon smile to donate to a charity of your choice automatically at no cost to you!
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For the most part, no. You need to lift heavy weights to build muscle. Bodyweight exercises are fine if you have no other options or if you can't afford a gym membership, but you'll never get comparable results. Having said that, if you're consistent about doing it and it's working for you then keep going. Another thing too is that at 46 years old you're probably not going to see major muscle growth any way and are a lot more susceptible to injury if you're trying to squat 300 lbs.
If you're doing something that works for you and you're seeing results, then I'd keep doing it. But if you start to plateau then you should probably consider a gym membership to keep making progress.
Another thing, pushups can be really hard on the wrists. It might be a good idea to get something like this https://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Fitness-Pushup-Rotating-Handles/dp/B008DNA9WU#:~:text=Invented%20by%20a%20US%20Navy,chest%2C%20back%2C%20and%20core.
>Play the hand you were dealt. I'm sure there are those here who envy you for having both parents growing up.
Amen
​
>Try using a trap bar if one is available, it takes the strain off your back because you stand inside it and lift straight up.
Yeah I usually use one at the gym, will look for one.
​
> "Nice guys are perfectionists." ~NMMNG
>
>Maybe a reread is in order.
A re-reread! Probably should revisit those chapters - especially now that Uni is heating up.
​
>Is it before sleep, or do you wake up and give in?
It's when I wake up in the middle of the night and give in. But thanks for those tips about before bed routine, that sounds real handy.
​
> your character
Feel this too, trials -> perseverance -> character -> hope. As for the Fruits of the spirit - for me at the moment it's got to be self-control and peace.
Working out to get specifically to get :toned" is a myth. Men and women both achieve their best looking bodies by picking and putting down heavy weight. Granted, women tend to (and should) focus more on lower body development than their upper bodies, but the principles remain the same: eat a surplus, progressively overload and lify heavier and heavier weight, focus on big compound movements first and isolation lifts afterwards, get enough sleep, then after gaining significant strength, muscle, and hopefully not too much fat, eat a slight calorie deficit and cut down on the fat while retaining as much muscle as possible. Doing this gives you the sought after "toned" look. Many if not most of the models with small waists, big butts, and perky chests workout with heavy weights, control their caloric intake, and bulk/cut cycle.
And no, it won't make you look bulky unless you are intentionally going for that look, focus a huge amount of time on upper body, and / or do steriods. Men have aroud 500% more testosterone than female on the baseline; you won't get big like a man would.
My wife and her best looking friends all lift heavy weights. I assure you none of them look bulky or masculine, far from it infact.
The best resource on this is Thinner Leaner Stronger by Mike Matthews. A lady who really embraces this is Brittany Perille (check out the second picture to see the results).
So, if you want to maximize your sexual strategy and outcomes, you need to lift.
Background / Stats: 51 years old, 6’0”, 215, ~14% BF. Discovered RP in 1986 thanks to my old man, didn't find it was called RP until 2015.
Have read: All of RPC Sidebar, all of MRP Sidebar, all the books
Physical / Lifting: LOL. It's been two months since I've had a progress report, so I've gone up on most of my lifting.
Diet: 9. Lean, and protein.
SPIRITUAL Born again Christian for 32 years.
Career/Finances: Not much to report here.
I didn't think of that. I've only ever seen them on Amazon.
If you can't find one like that, then a clothing tape measure is a good second choice. You should be able to find that at a store that carries sewing supplies, or a tailor shop, or some higher end clothing stores may have one available.
Alternatively you can take a piece of rope or string and wrap it around you, put your thumb where they meet to mark the spot and then measure that length against a regular tape measure.
Rom 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Renew your mind so that you think different thoughts in times of testing.
Basically, read the Bible. Memorize Scripture. Read good Biblical books. I'm reading this now: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004Z70982/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Let the Word of God (aka God's thoughts) rewire your brain.
What is your mission? I may be able to give you some book recommendations that can inspire you in your mission.
> Most of my reading this week was researching 5/3/1 based on the feedback to my post. I’ve started the 5/3/1 Boring But Big template after testing my 1 RM in DL and OHP. I didn’t max the others because DL and OHP ended up being what I thought and a 1RM in BS seemed a risk for injury at the home gym. I’ll use my conservative estimate for 1RM on the other lifts.
And, to confirm, you understand the 90% training max thing? It's probably the most important piece of setting up your program.
The best full explainer on the program is the second edition of the 531 book. Whatever you read in your 531 research online, I'd bet is incomplete. His books explain the program really well, and they establish some really important training principles that many beginners miss.
Word of warning, Wendler's writing will turn off some christians. He can be vulgar, and he's obsessed with death metal music....as such, he goes for occasional satanic joke or reference. I assume it's mostly tongue in cheek, but I know some folks who would be unable to see the angle of his humor. I don't recall how much of that goes into the books, but that's kind of his personality.
So I apologize if I've sent you down a path that could expose you to something you might find offensive. But if that's not the type of thing that bothers you, it's a must-read for anyone looking to run the program.
Hopefully we will have something Christian on the Sidebar soon. In the meantime, I would check out Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. This is a super-practical book about the truth in male / female dynamics in marriage.
After that, check out The Way of the Superior Man. This book goes deeper into the finer points necessary to successfully calibrate and internalize things imo.
Neither of these are Christian books, so read with discernment. However, I have found both to be EXTREMELY helpful.
I completely agree with you. Have the kids get a firm foundation from you. You have a invested interest in their well being. To many people rely on study books, conferences etc. Bible, Bible, is what I would teach. Not what someone else thinks. Get a nice hermeneutics book and go from there.
Grasping God's Word: A Hands-On Approach to Reading, Interpreting, and Applying the Bible https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310492572/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_kX1wBb74976B4
>Yes, I am transitioning to doing things God's way. The focus on sex, while still ingrained and powerful, is affecting me less; a lot of the overt behaviors listed are gone although I catch myself once in a while. A change from idolatry to God is happening.
That is wonderful to hear! Sanctification is a lifelong process.
>Yes, I have trusted in Christ as my Savior.
Awesome! Do you have a plan for daily Bible reading?
>I have the desire to know and obey Christ, but the works demonstrating my faith have been few (they have been increasing the past few months.)
You are in a good place. Philippians 1:6 says "...He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
>There is virtually no connection between my vocation (hard science) and discipling other men. In order to fulfill this mission, I need to be more spiritually mature than those whom I lead. So my emphasis is to accumulate competencies in the spiritual disciplines (Bible study, memorization, fellowship etc.) as well as leadership abilities to fulfill this.
I think u/Red-Curious gave a great answer to this in his response.
It is a huge blessing to be 24, healthy and especially to be born again. Your "young faith" is a good thing as well, because everything is new and exciting for you. If you want reading material to help foster that spirit of adventure, I recommend reading Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus.
>I’ve had a pastor at my church admit that if he spoke out against Marxism, the church would only retain 1/5 of if it’s members.
Hmm, wasn't the early Church Marxist in nature, in that members apparently pooled their resources? (Incidentally it doesn't seem that it worked very well for them; hence Paul's admonition that people who don't work shouldn't be able to eat, etc.). The Pilgrims were inspired by the Gospel to attempt communal farming -- again, it failed and they nearly starved before adopting an "every family for itself" model. OTOH, there were a number of religious communistic societies in 18th-century America that fared quite well for a time. The Shakers are probably the best-known, but there were others as well, such as the Amana colonies and Harmony Society. An interesting read: https://www.amazon.com/Communistic-Societies-United-States/dp/1406550418#customerReviews
(In short while I think socialism/communism may be impractical, I wouldn't consider it necessarily ungodly.)
I think like the parable of the weeds and wheat it is nearly impossible in many cases to distinguish real faith apart from false faith. That said, sometimes it is beyond obvious when someone does not actually possess faith.
Regarding the crusades, I do believe that true Christians were involved, at least early on during the first few. I recommend this book on the topic. I for one am glad that Europe did not fall to the Muslims back then and it was the bravery of Christian men who stopped the advance. Was it always so clear? No. War is a mess and the motives are many. Atrocities were committed on both sides. That said, I wish the common Christian man had that much courage these days rather than roll over and let the SJWs walk all over them.