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The hardest part is keeping your mouth shut
Sober from alcohol 5 years now for this very reason. Booze just makes men fat and stupid.
Choose better drugs. Be proactive.
Reset, try again.
You set yourself back a bit. It's not a failure, its only feedback. The feedback is, you cant handle booze.
I'd go a different route actually, skip the porn. Get a "sexy question" book like this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/179911032X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_07ILDbGHSB7ZR
They're a series of questions that you and your wife, girlfriend, etc. discuss. The questions range all over the place, and going through them on a weekend trip got my wife hotter than a Mexican swamp. Also, led to our first FFM.
> No major debts except a mortgage, but I'm a complete newb with money.
You're doing fine, keep it up!
This is a great starter: https://www.amazon.com/Dave-Ramseys-Complete-Guide-Money/dp/1937077209
Most people borrow too much and use credit cards they can't pay off the same month and get buried. Just don't do that and you're 15 years ahead of most people.
For insurance and investments, there are SO MANY to pick from it's dumb to take advice from people who don't know your goals, background, history, etc.
The only method I've really seen work is The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
If you follow the steps in the book, you can get done in one weekend and be done for good. I did it with my own stuff and now I've got plenty of space.
Your wife is obviously going to need to be on board and motivated, and probably going to need to read the book. It sounds as if she doesn't really care at the moment. You can certainly help by gathering the items to sort and taking care of the discards, but ultimately she has to decide on her own.
I just did my own items and later led my wife through some of the common areas.
This is when wit and mental strength come into play.
Mental Strength
Why are you scared? If you're scared now, of what might come then you're actually scared of the future. You can't control the future, so why feel the pain twice? (Now and when you get bad news)
Who are you trying to prove something to? Wife, friends, family? The approach will be different with each. Don't treat your wife as your mother, treat her as a wife who is tending to your wounds.
Go to the gym once you can. That proves nothing as you should have been and continue to go to the gym if you're capable. Lungs are weak? Go walk, play chess, read more, work on your bodyweight fitness.
Wit
Crack jokes and make light of everything. After all, it's just life. You weren't dealt a shitty hand, you are alive and are able to post on Reddit and are in the process of Owning your shit enjoy it with a smile.
People say Oh no, how are you feeling just respond with a smirk and tell them you're glad your lungs are giving out and not your cock or some other ED joke (depending on the crowd)
I suggest you read The Enchiridion, The Meditations, and A Guide to the Good Life: The Art of Stoic Joy and good luck with everything brother I hope you are able to recover from this and get back to the grind.
Try some introspection to figure out what you are good at as a PERSON. Forget your schooling and what you learnt. You can learn anything you want... but what are YOU, as a person, naturally good at?
​
Looking back, i didnt realize it until I was older but;
- People always invited me to parties and wanted to talk to me - I realized a job in relationship management would be naturally easy for me
- I naturally became a leader in almost any project I was part of. I never wrestled it from someone but anytime there was a gap in leadership i would immediately (and naturally) take control and lead the group to success. - I went into a leadership role
- I am highly analytical and a great problem solver - I went into a field where these skills are used.
​
Figure out what you are good at... the CORE you... and that might help you find something you actually enjoy doing.
​
Find a damn job while you figure this out. Put yourself out there to meet people... meetup.com or just volunteer to your local shelter/homeless/charity. Just go out and start interacting with people.
Tracking sex is smart. Telling her you do or whining about the stats is weak.
I use the paid version because I can customize the types of sex, rejections, excuses, when she initiates, etc.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.wheel.menscalendar
Get your shit dialed in and she will be initiating soon.
This is Seligman’s TEDtalk. He’s disappointing as a speaker but it’s still worth listening to https://youtu.be/9FBxfd7DL3E
From memory, this was better. https://youtu.be/4q1dgn_C0AU
There’s a book called Search Inside Yourself, a google engineer’s approach to self mastery and then mastery over others which is very good. It’s like 7 Habits of Effective People mixed with mindfulness and positive psychology.
Edit: added second link
> I've de loaded twice
...which means you are at the gym lifting. Still better than 98% of the competition
>My diet has been shit
You are in the middle of a separation/divorce. There's no time to be be Betty Crocker right now. Cut yourself a break.
> show ready in preparation to sell
Good job, you'll sell it way faster if you've decluttered
> Only been putting a small amount of effort towards online dating
The pay sites like Match and Zoosk are the way to go. Way higher quality on there and no scammers
> I'm taking thanksgiving week off to go deer hunting
In Steven Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" he would call this Sharpening the Saw. The analogy is a woodcutter who is sawing for several days straight and is becoming less and less productive because the process of cutting dulls the blade. So the solution is to stop and periodically sharpen the saw. A week in a tree stand is just what you need to sharpen your saw
It's $8000. Mow some lawns, shovel snow, deliver some freakin pizzas. You fucked up and allowed it to happen, so you will have to make some sacrifices in the mean time (including your hobbies) to get yourself out of it.
Go get the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. It's financial planning for idiots and it works for just about anyone.
You may want to check out Dave Ramsey and his Total Money Makeover. The course is pretty awesome at pointing out issues with spouses like this, and in the group setting it makes it very hard for her to justify this shit.
It worked very, very well for my wife and I.
> I'm working on getting out of debt now
I can recommend You Need A Budget. I helped me to get rid of my debts and still helps me everyday to plan our expenses and save money. We both work, so I even manage her earnings through this app...
Read u/weakandsensitive here and in the main sub about this. I believe it to be his current pet issue.
Actions translate to those around you very quickly, because the majority of our communication as humans is nonverbal. As you improve, internalize masculine change, and as many in the manosphere describe as "just get it," you can then verbally communicate your boundaries, desires and expectations to your family without getting the incredulous side-eye women are famous for.
If your words and actions lack congruity, your message is lost, or worse, can be seen as hostile and therefore easily ignored.
This is why STFU has its time and place, as does mouth sounds.
Also straps
Harbinger Heavy Cotton Lifting Straps (Pair) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001181RSY/
Literally tie it to your arms so your hands aren’t the weak point.
There are others with more experience than me as well, but the answer is it depends, and probably do both.
Like everything in life, find the weak points and improve and continue to build your strengths.
One other thing - and this might sound really stupid. Just grip it like crazy. You can probably pull 275 overhand if you get out of your head.
Grip down like you’re doing to fall off a cliff and just pull.
I like using habit tracking apps and the simplicity of the don't-break-the-chain type things. The one I use now is "Loop Habit Tracker" (github, play store) because it's simple enough to do what it does and easy enough to see at a glance how things are going. And basically when there's a new habit I want to develop I add it to the list and set a notification schedule to "nag" me until it becomes more automatic so I don't forget. Even after I don't need to be reminded any more the don't-break-the-chain motivates me.
> Also, some goals don't really make sense in a "goal / milestone" context. E.g. I can make a goal for anal sex, but it won't be very helpful, reliable or accurate when it eventually does happen since this isn't something that I have a clear roadmap to.
The risk there is that you're reinforcing some sort of covert contract. I don't like tracking things that are outside my control and have a fairly sharp razor for that. I only track what's under my control and things that I'm making an effort to improve (or monitoring to avoiding regressing on). I see it more as a tool focused on my behavior and not an almanac to track the weather or some woman's cervical mucus viscosity or whatever. So for example I track "didn't avoid initiating" which focuses on my behavior and not the outcome.
"Took the advice of others from my last post and have worked towards not having my ex wife see me as an enemy. This has been a huge improvement. She's cordia,l borderline sweet towards me. Gives me some hope that we won't be exposing our son to our toxic bullshit drama anymore. Thank you to those who convinced me this was a good move."
“Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
WISNIFG has some stuff about handling questions and challenges from the crowd when lecturing.
How To Win Friends and Influence People is useful if you want to make it compelling.
Have your content ready way beforehand, so you can practice enough to get a feel for the strong and weak points.
Practice, read tips and tricks, practice again, read more tips and tricks.
> books on stoicism? Prefer audio books?
There are lots of free audio books and intros to stoicism on YouTube. It's probably easier to let some of that filter in before reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
> thank you. That’s good advice
I like the occasional circle jerk, but this thread is ridiculous. This is a common problem, so guys shit on OP's who talk about it, but there's no sidebar resource that addresses the paranoia that sets in from reading some of the stuff from the manosphere. The response of "sidebar" doesn't cut it, because that's how you got into this state, and there are different resources in the MRP sidebar that can help you out.
When you got clean, did you learn much about codependency?
I am not a psychologist, but I really think your only solution is to power through it. It sounds like you are uncomfortable in your own body. Do you even lift bro?
Lifting and physical fitness are the key to living, rather than this asleep at the wheel bullshit you've done for the last decade.
Life is a struggle. Struggling is good. Struggle will make you stronger. Physically, mentally, spiritually (I mean this both in a religious AND a primal masculinity sense).
Here's what you do since talking to people makes you uncomfortable: talk to people. Talk to everyone. Store clerk. Coworkers. People at the bar. Strangers in line next to you. Force yourself to be social. Read Day Bang! by Roosh V; it's specifically about talking to girls, but a lot of the concepts are applicable to all situations and the content of the book is broken down to the minute detail for autists like you. Power through the discomfort. Find conversationalists you want to mimic and study them. Read How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Watch stand-up comedy in your leisure time. Read When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Learn how to not only participate in conversation, but to use it as a tool: to enforce boundaries, to seduce women, to charm, to sell. Study salesmanship. Practice practice practice. Talk to people. Go to the bar alone and make friends.
Once upon a time I was very afraid of heights. So I took the rock climbing class at summer camp. Every summer I signed up for this class. I still occasionally go rock climbing. I still get the heebie jeebies. And I still force myself to do it. And I still feel a beautiful sense of accomplishment and power afterwards. Except now I'm doing things more difficult than when I started. This is going to be you and social interactions, always trying something outside of your comfort zone. Master your fear, don't be a pussy.
The only thing you should fear is being too comfortable. That's how you got into this mess.
Hmmm...we haven't really got into the motivational genre. MRP is about action. We could do the whole Amway library- Think and Grow Rich, The Magic of Thinking Big. More than a few of you will know what I am talking about.
You have the approach routine memorized. Great! With lots of alcohol you can turn it into a lay. The next morning it is awkward when you have nothing to say but what the hell, right?
For a longer term interaction it usually helps to actually be an interesting person rather than a guy focused on How To Win Friends and Influence People style "mirroring." After you get her to open up about herself, then you are supposed to tell her about yourself, relating similarities and commonalities to build rapport and comfort.
Also, read The Book of Pook!!! You need to partake of the fountain of youth and not worry about pulling pigtails.
> Meanwhile the MRP advice is to adopt a stoic demeanor, i.e., to act like you are indifferent to emotion.
Like many, you're confusing 'stoic' with 'Stoic'
Check out the book 'A Guide to the Good Life' for a readable primer.
48 Laws of Power
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
Art of Seduction
Day Bang
Bang
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Mastery
No More Mr. Nice Guy
The Obstacle is the Way
The Way of the Superior Man
You recover from this the easiest by getting past the source of your anger. You are not past it yet. My anger subsided quickly after my wife became loving, horny, and sucked my dick a lot. Build your SMV and frame and fix your life and marriage so the problems are in your past and not your present.
if that doesn't do enough, then time tends to help a lot.
Third, read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine. It has actual, workable advice to deal with this sort of stuff. Highly recommended by several vets here.
Whatever you have left after that is just something you have to live with. Some people are just more resilient than others.
I don't really get why you're specifically mad at your wife though. Is it really her rather than female nature and the shitty mainstream blue pill advice that is the source of your issues?
It's really hard to argue feels with an empty envelope. It also doesn't require any math and really difficult to impulse buy something.
I use YNAB. It's great. There's a series of training sessions that are a must watch, I'm not sure if you've been through them. If you haven't read a book on budgeting, I'd suggest Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.
One thing I've learned over the years is that simple and dumb tends to work better than complicated and smart. The real challenge is psychological, and a simple plan like the one in Dave Ramsey's book with cash in envelopes if followed will put you in a better place than most of your peers.
Your lifestyle is a choice. If you didn't actively pick it yourself, then it's a choice you've let other people make for you. I guarantee you that there are people living around you that get buy on 1/5th of what you make and live happy lives.
Get yourself a copy of "Your Money or Your Life," read it with your wife and sort your way out of this financial mess. When your financial choices are clearly laid out and chosen, your wife will realize she's working for all those things she doesn't want to give up.
The problem is that you are basically living paycheck to paycheck here. You need to get a handle on it and guide your family out of this stressful and unproductive habit.
In all seriousness, life is a lot easier to manage with $1000 in your account and much easier to manage with a year's worth of expenses or more saved up. You build a good foundation where you can make quality, long term financial decisions and that will further improve your financial situation.
It's not rocket science, it's just mostly delayed gratification and making solid choices. I'd recommend you read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover which has a simple program to follow that will get you out of this mess permanently. Here's a link to the steps: https://www.daveramsey.com/baby-steps
If you ever get around to investing, the Boglehead's Wiki is a good place to start.
Read "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". It is full of techniques for this. If you read my history, you will see I used to suffer from panic attacks, and Stoicism help me build a really strong frame.
> vent to let off stream or just talk through things to get through stressful events.
I am like that too. Either email them, or make more friends, or both. I joined a combat martial arts class, it is awesome. Instant great friends, fighting is better than venting, and it makes you feel alpha overall.
Also, keep a diary, it is great for this stuff. That is how Emperor Marcus Aurelius coped with this stuff. A Roman Emperor has very few people he can vent to.
> The rare times I vent to my wife she looks like I just kicked a puppy.
Yes, NEVER do that. It is beta, it makes her trust you less, and resent you more. Women can't take this.
This reply is your entire problem in a nutshell. You want someone to spoon feed you the answer, and you want that answer to come to you in a way that requires no risk. That's not how life works. You want a book for building confidence, try this one.
Women build confidence by reading books and telling each other that they're amazing just as they are. Men do it by getting off our asses and actually accomplishing something. Stop looking for shortcuts.
You are way behind the ball if you've been served and you're asking if its a bluff. Know that she has already paid a retainer (at least $5K) to keep a lawyer on hand. I spent one fucking year just preparing to serve my wife. This isn't even time to be on Reddit reading RP content, except for the responses to this post. Instead I recommend reading Divorce Simply Stated as a starting point and retaining a lawyer ASAP.
> extreme scenario ... What is your risk/reward? ... Understand the rules of the playing field, then play your game.
> as silly as a "public disrespect"
In more genteel circles where faggots are unlikely to escalate to actual violence, this is a shit test of you, in which your wife is being used as a pawn.
Sometimes we feel like a loser or a piece of shit because we are being a fucking loser piece of shit. Heard of Meetup.com? Get on there, connect with people both to build yourself socially and also to get a fucking job. If you are actually smart, then it won't be hard. Also I would spend a lot of time away from your LTR. Tell her your studying,writing resumes,trying not to be such a faggot. Oh and then actually do those things.
No, there is no RP content focused on this as far as I am aware.
The best you can do is find a twitter account here or there that might be RP and a dad. But most everything that pretends to be RP and dad focused is just building better betas (like a certain short bearded alcoholic sailor who married the only woman to ever have touched his penis [this means dude has n count of 1] but claims to know that 'picking up girls is easy').
Instead you are going to have to think for yourself and map all of the sidebar knowledge to your life, including raising kids.
Some general axioms from this space are:
Don't develop oneitis for your kid(s)
Going ham-fisted with overt dread when her hormones are messed up from pregnancy is probably not going to go well
>I really want to lead us
Look for the recent post on stop talking about leading if you are not fucking regularly.
This book was helpful to me with my first: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978/
Good luck and don't be stupid.
Go here: https://images.google.com/ Search "douchebag".
You have to realize attraction between women and men aren't analagous. To get to the level that you describe, as a man, you'd basically have to be someone famous.
Separate your finances 100% now and give her a strict budget. Don't get married, and check your states common law marriage rules.
You're already a financial slave to her for the next 16 years for your kid. Don't have another child with her until these issues are resolved.
She's sitting at home bored all day obsessing about redecorating the house- tell her she can get a job and redecorate as much as she'd like with her earnings. Give her parameters re: housework. Since she's not working she needs to contribute more than just childcare. Get takeout sometimes, sure, but your kid and both of you guys need healthy food which would help with her depression.
For her depression, buy her The Depression Cure by Dr. Steve Ilardi and also Feeling Good by David Burns.
Explain to her that she's on a hedonistic treadmill re: material things and will never be satisfied. Get her doing some meditation, yoga, volunteering, teach her about stoicism.
I wouldn't break up with her yet bc you guys have a kid together, but you have to treat her like a child re: budgeting and finances and you need to be clear to her she needs to step up and start contributing more to your partnership. Do a 1 mo, 3 mo, 6 mo and 1 year eval and see how it's been going. Still no progress 1 year, separate your households and move on.
I got a Fitness Reality power cage from amazon. $260 USD delivered I believe. 800 lb capacity. It's good
And I got their adjustable bench. Was $90 I think. Also 800 lb capacity
Bought the olympic bar and plates at Fitness Depot (not sure if it's in the States). Was $0.90 CAD per pound for the plates
You should start with 4x45lb, 2x25lb, 2x10lb, 4×5lb, 2×2,5lb . That covers the bases up to 320 lb. So that should be about $250
Should be able to get the whole shebang for about $650 USD
If you're running Android this app has the template built in. I think its one of the best 5/3/1 apps available and well worth the $7
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.sarasoft.es.fivethreeone
Thank you for your kind words. I do...
I recommend reading Dr. Shawn T. Smith's book, <strong>The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage</strong> since he shares a lot of information and research around both the dating & relationship phases. One of the things he talks about in the book is around becoming a better "gatekeeper" when it comes to letting women come into your life. It's a great read with some staggering and mind-opening information around female nature, dating, relationships, and marriage.
Dr. Smith's Rundown For Men
Dating Phase: minimum of six months before promotion to relationship
Relationship Phase: minimum two years before considering moving in together and/or marriage
Engagement Phase: minimum of six months to see how she acts prior to getting married (he talks about watching how your partner acts prior to the wedding at length)
In total, Dr. Smith recommends that men take at least two to three years (minimum) before even considering getting married and inviting the state into their relationship.
In addition, he also talks about risk management and the bright triad traits to look out for when dating women to see if they are relationship, or even, marriage material. I could go on and on about this book (one of my favorite non-sidebar books), but I recommend you pick up a copy and start going through it. If you have gone through the entire sidebar, then this read will be a great addition to that collection of yours.
While you are at Amazon, you should get this.
Mine is being delivered next week.
We finally got around to installing the swing, and we fucking loved it. I am hoping this chair is the next best thing in the bedroom.
It might be time to pen a new sex post. We have a good deal of new hardware.
Hmm, I don't remember her not answering any. We had a few drinks and were both relaxed, and it was in good fun so she didn't resist.
That author has a more game like book, maybe try that one? https://www.amazon.com/dp/1089551703/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_mTMLDbKZF59NT
Too bad, looks like this is pretty close though
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=centertable.advancedscalendar
Actually, that one looks much better if I am honest
Just buy this book ..
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B006XF5BTG/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?tag=mflweb-21&psc=1
.. it literally has everything you need to know about getting fit and eating right. You can get pretty much all the same info for free on the web, but this has it all in one very well written and very well researched book.
Here grab this off Amazon.
The gift of injury your gonna love it, and you could use an inspirational story.
Dr McGill has already been mentioned to you. Hes the best there is. Do his big 3 movements the second you can perform them pain free.
Hang in there man.
Maybe reading "Man's Search for Meaning" will help you find the right mission for you.
In case you missed it, NMMNG. Read it. This week.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004C438CW/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0
I would lead here again. Really it is yours and her only shot. Tell her we are going to be healthy and not have health issues when we get older. Throw away all of the shit in the house. Meal prep. Go to Amazon and pick these up. Put yourself and her on a strict diet and an exercise regime. The good news is you will drop even further down from 17% and she will start shedding the pounds as well.
She might call you insensitive dick, but do you really care? Your wife can't weigh more than you do.
What did she weigh when you first met? That is probably a reasonable expectation for a goal to meet. You should have that be your goal as well if you aren't there (with the exception of added muscle weight).
It will take her time, but hell, if you eat clean, hit your daily calories, and get her lifting it won't take too terribly long.
She will shit test you and outwardly hate you, but deep down she knows she is overweight and may be looking for leadership and a kick in the ass.
You need strong frame to continuously drag her ass a long in the process.
After seeing my obese father-in-law get diabetes and have two knee surgeries from excess weight I decided I was going to stay healthy. That was even before MRP. Now, it has taken a whole new meaning with lifting, but she is too big.
Good luck bro.
Get the New Kid By Friday book and apply it to both your kid, and your wife.
When I first started my MRP journey, I actually made it a game for myself to be on top of stuff before my wife had a chance to get bitchy about it. Bedtime? When I got that first little feeling of, “He should go to bed,” i’d do it. I had to stop myself from thinking “we’re having fun, 10 more minutes will be fine” because that’s my default setting. But it stresses HER out because if SHE has the say something, that means, in her mind, you don’t have it handled.
Shakespeare’s play The Taming of the Shrew, is an amazing examination of this.
> I'm actually working on a frame now where I only need her sexually, hence her "piece of meat"-statement.
"Working on a frame" as in that's what you're trying to do? I hope that's not what you mean because you've had massive problems with sex as validation and OI for as long as you've been posting here unless my recall is way off.
IMO her piece of meat comment is another way of saying "you're boring, you're not interested in me, and you're not interesting."
Read some PuA literature, especially on conversation and opening. This one is pretty decent. Also Models, of course. Get better at talking to her, and get better at talking to other women, and men, too.
And don't ignore her when she's talking like a damn autist, man. She was speaking womanese at you and you were speaking fuckstick. You gotta hear hers for her to hear yours.
Also, the "she" count per line in this is about on par with your post man... What are you doing about you?
Are you awesome? Are you the best man you can possibly be? Are you living an exciting and interesting life? Do you have shit going on outside of the house or is it the center of your universe? For that matter, are you the center of your life? Because it sure as shit seems like she is.
> The thing is she is so fucking stubborn and determined to be independent so she'll probably leave rather than have a marriage not entirely on her terms.
Independent and stubborn doesn't have anything to do with how much she's willing to do for the right man.
I work from home and love having my gym 10 feet away from my office. In reality I spent more than a year's gym membership on it, though.
Having the gym in arm's reach means I can fit my workouts in any time I have 45 minutes to spare, and that simplifies my life. Currently have a full power cage with a lat bar and am about to add crossover cables.
I have a big space for mine (formerly a bedroom), so I'm also keeping an eye on Craigslist for a decent cable machine with a pec fly and a real (~200lb) weight stack.
I'm not sure I care about losing the socialization aspect, but worth mentioning, if I were in your situation I might want another reason to get out and about and meet new people.
Next level. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006Z8H0UO They're only about $6 and they look great. Nice tight neck and fitted sleeves. This one is about a year old and has seen a lot of workouts and washing. https://m.imgur.com/hbbRcvS (Bulking. So yes, I'm always eating...)
The next book you should read is Dave Ramseys Total Money Makeover. Budget for everything. Stop living above your means.
Get your finances in order.
Tell your wife she can order her own fucking takeout if your still at work.
I had a VP who used to say, "Delegate the task, accept the responsibility."
What you have is ok, the problem is if things get hectic using your wife as a calendar may lead to failure.
Although not on the sidebar, I'd recommend reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Steven Covey. What others have suggested is that you need a system. In the book Steven would call you a clock watcher, when you really need to be a clock maker.
I make it a point that if something regularly occurs in my life and it can be automated, to automate it.
Some things, like soccer sign ups and party commitments can also be met with a leadership directive. Before the school year I sit down with my wife and we discuss what the activity plan will be. I have three, and it's a standing rule that all kids must be in sports (leadership directive), so in a sense I give my wife permission before she needs to ask for it.
Things like party commitments are handled by a standard statement, You get one event per weekend. This came about because my wife had me going to 3 different family members places all on different sides of town in a day. I also had to enforce it a few times before she would follow the rule, so don't set boundaries you aren't prepared to defend.
Give your wife the resources she needs to be successful. If schedules are your strong suit, then use a system to automate them. Lead her by giving her an operational framework to accomplish the mission.
All of these newb questions are the man asserts some authority and just grabs onto his balls a tiny bit and the woman loses her shit.
WISNIFG helps the most with this issue. Be assertive, but don't forget you are married and pick your battles very carefully.
Sometimes I think guys need to skip the sidebar books and go straight to "The 48 Laws of Power" and "The Art of War."
>acting the exact way her narcissistic mother does.
and you expected something different? I think it is important to use this to laugh at her and to ALMOST NEVER mention that she reminds you of her mother when she acts like that. Much more effective that way.
>Did I fuck anything up with how I handled that?
I don't know? Did you? This didn't end with a passionate deep throat blowjob so it is obviously sub-optimal and could have been handled better.
From Tsun Tzu: The Art of War
>Ground on which each side has liberty of movement is open ground.
>On open ground, do not try to block the enemy's way.
>[Because the attempt would be futile, and would expose the blocking force itself to serious risks.
I am going to do a post on this ground concept. Damn if there isn't a lot to work with!
I'd recommend you read the book So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love. I'd also recommend you read The $100 Startup and this article.
The above have career advice that's substantially different from the norm of "follow your passion" or "get a stable career." There's more than one way to solve the problem of money without giving up your enjoyment.
Day Game by Roosh. It will both work for dread and your SMV, but also later if you are single in a year.
I'm not a fan of Robert Greene (I find his stuff a bit sophomoric). For sure Meditations is great just to build a strong frame. Also, you might want to consider on that line "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" for a more concrete stoic reading.
I can suggest more if you discuss what ideas aren't sinking in yet.
Hey, is she competitive with her sisters though?
They'd be good ones for overtly seeking platonic feels from since you already seem to be able to complain to them. I'm not saying go out of your way to spend time with them, but when they're around try to elicit some of that womanliness from them. Don't do it by continuing to complain about the wife to them. That's over. All the better when it's right in front of her.
Work with a lady who's kind of a mommy? See if you can get her to cook you something and bring some of her food home.
How do you fight a strong force , well fortified and defended? Lure them out, attack with feints, from the side, read The Art of War by Sun Tzu if you haven't yet. You're wife's treating this like a contest and battle. What better mindset to counter and tackle? But now you're going militia and guerrilla.
Don't focus too much on her though, still the main focus needs to be on you. Also, try to get out more during shark week if you aren't already.
Sometimes just not being around is gaining ground.
IMO never hurts to read things with broader focus as well. Helps with the meta/bigger picture outside of just chicks.
- How to Win Friends and Influence People
- The Art of War /or/ the Tao of Jeet Kune Do
- Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
- The Art of Happiness
Find a good autobiography of someone you think doesn't put up with shits and does things well.
> STFU the ideal approach?
STFU is good. It is even better if you go out and do something nice for yourself. Get a beer with friends. Go flirt. Go to the gym. Go out with the kids and have a blast.
This serves several purposes: first, it demonstrates that you find happiness without her. This is very powerful. Second, it prevents her from reengaging (you are gone), so her hamster spins in your favor. Third, it programs your mind to not be resentful, because by giving yourself a gift (doing something you enjoy) you get used to not needing her for happiness. All together leads to a strong frame.
The first few times you leave, she might think you are just being butthurt. Don't engage. Just make sure you really have a good time away from her, so you don't feel butt hurt. It is a bit weird, but with times, you get used to it, and that is when you start to feel the OI.
A good book on Stoic tools for OI is "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy".
> Reading is easier than implementing.
Stoicism is something to be practiced, not to be read and left there. To change your mindset you MUST take actions, and these actions have to be new actions you aren't doing already. With disciplined action you can change how you think. But just hoping your mindset changes by itself doesn't work, just like reading about weight lifting doesn't make you strong.
Have you read Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy"? If has tons of concrete techniques. Practice them regularly, they will change your mind! If you are done with it, but require motivation, the book "The Obstacle is the Way" might help with that. But move to the original sources. Marcus Aurelius is a bit dry at the beginning, but gets better later, and it is great for reading a bit, and meditating over it.
> especially after dealing with my first marriage no sex, getting shot down repeatedly dents my frame.
Instead of working on her, work on your frame. Once you have frame, the frame isn't dented by outsiders. Instead, the frame makes you strong to outside influences, and she will feel it, and she will be attracted by it.
Stoics have a lot of tricks for building your frame. One is known as the "Inner Citadel". It essentially means that you practice Stoic exercises to have a place inside you impregnable by outside forces.
One way to reframe initiating is the following. Think this way: Im not having sex right now. So, if I initiate (not ask, Initiate with actions) and she shoots me down, I just go back to where I was before. So, focus on enjoying initiating. Making playful, go a bit caveman. Focus on having fun initiating even if there is no sex. That way, when you initiate you win even if she doesn't want to have sex. And if you get shot down, no loss, just back to the norm. This way, getting shot down isn't a loss in anyway.
I've been reading this book lately:
https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797
If you read it with an assertive, masculine frame you can weed out the blue pill nonsense. The guy actually did some scientific studies and can back up what he's saying.
I focuses on fixing the feelz of women. He basically admits feelz before reals. And it helps you not DEER
Bluepillprofessor's book provides the best step-by-step framework I've seen yet. Very detailed and worth every penny.
- sexual chemistry - Fleeting honeymoon phase
- loyalty - Male quality, read women in love
- trust - You must be new here, a ring offers no trust, and you better have it before marrying
- family dynamics - not sure what this means
- financial dynamics - costs are dynamic, yes.
- parenting strategies - lead your fucking house
- religious affiliations - Church seems to loved divorced chicks, see Manosphere for more insight
You're new here, read, lurk, then post
"how to I go from a weak ass frame that is constantly under attack to hard as iron frame that can get through this with pride,balls,and bankroll mostly intact?"
"so how to I go from a weak ass frame that is constantly under attack to hard as iron frame ...... "
When you dissect the female psychology and the attacks, because of a weak frame, you start to see some of it is a push for you to become better @ being a man, or get the fuck out of the way. It's ok, just recognize it for what it is and be done.
A lot of times we walk through life with control issues, lack direction and looking for validation. In order to compensate for the validation/acknowledgement we are seeking, anger is a very fast emotional response because it is so intense it can fill the void. But, as we all know, anger is not a solution. It only compounds problems .
As all have advised - Lawyer up
> My wife is in the same boat except she always wants to spend time with me when we have free time. Hiking, cycling, clubbing, mind-blowing sex, whatever. She's ready to go do anything while I'm in this.. sad, pathetic loser state of mind.
Fix yourself before she dries up.
Start lifting, fix your diet, consider a testosterone supplement. Do you eat crap junk food?
I used to be whiny and emotional. I am much less now. I went back to crap junk food in the past two weeks and, amazingly, my victim attitude tried to rear it's ugly head.
Eat better, it can really help. Get rid of soy.
Consider a T-booster and an estrogen-conversion blocker. . Example:
https://www.amazon.com/Axis-Labs-Hypertest-Hypertrophic-Testosterone/dp/B007IJNDSM
AND
In your case I'd suggest reading https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
Then, the book of Pook and NMMNG simultaneously, then MMSL. BOP is filled with frame wisdom of you read between the lines and internalize it. Also read a lot MRP and AMRP. You will see a common mistakes that people make, and you will learn from them.
Keep your foot on the gas and either fuck her or not depending on how you feel.
If you need help read and get back to us.
I used to be in an LTR with a 6 footer, I thought she was going to break my pelvis some nights
Haha read the sidebar material here. It will put you on the right path.
This book. Even walks you through hypothetial situations:
https://www.amazon.ca/Natural-Effortlessly-Attract-Women-Want/dp/0062089803
What program are you doing? If you're plateauing, go back to the weights you were training at 4 weeks ago and work back up.
Also, OJ makes me bloated and shit like crazy. In college, when I would get a cold, I'd always try to drink OJ 3x+/day, thinking that would help fight it off. Took a couple of years for me to figure out why I always got horrible diarrhea every time I got a cold.
Don't drink juice, dude. It's not doing anything good for you anyway.
And if you want to get big, live by this book for 6 weeks: Mass Made Simple
Of course it's a fact but you add that disclaimer (or some variation) to almost every comment you make. It's a behavior that signals a lack of confidence and ownership in what you know.
How about trying some 'irrational confidence'? Be the smartest, baddest motherfucker in the room.. own it. I guarantee if you start practicing this, you're Frame development will shift into Ludicrous Speed.
Here's a great book on decision making that may give you some insight. I think there's a real difference between taking risks and being fool hardy.
There are lots of risks in life where you are an absolute underdog, but the investment you pay versus the reward is a good pay off. For example, making a $20 bet at the pot because you stand to win $160 with 5/1 odds is a calculated risk, but a good one. In this case your pay off is 8/1 but the investment is 5/1, so you realize an arbitrage of $60 bucks.
Another example is, you have the correct information and make a decision, but the outcome is still bad. It was a good risk, but outside things may have changed your result. An example would be, you move to a great neighborhood because the school choice is fantastic, but the state redistricts it out of the blue and now you're kids are going to lesser school. Good decision, bad outcome.
The key with all risk is to understand the outcomes, and manage investment so that in the long run that repeated investment would yield more than you lose.
5x5 is a great body of training to do as maintenance or for beginners coming in looking to move up into heavier lifts.
But as a long term program, it lacks focus and intensity for advancing past intermediate gains. There are many programs you could use, Mark Rippetoe wrote an excellent book about strength training, I suggest you check it out.
>I'm not familiar with that book but my assumption is that it's similar to the Mayo one since it seems to be from PHS.
Is this the book? http://www.amazon.com/Mayo-Clinic-Guide-Healthy-Pregnancy/dp/1561487171
>I'm not sure what first time mothers are like over there but in the US there are various camps trying to pedal one thing or the other and all sorts of infighting. It's super confusing and overwhelming.
Haven't heard of that over here to be honest. What kind of thing are they pedalling?
Simple? There is no simple. There is only progress.
You need to start looking at things are opportunities and stop thinking of them as shit. As bad. As poor. It's progress. Life is not pass or fail. It's pass or learn. Life is not binary, nor linear.
I recommend reading THE OBSTACLE IS THE WAY by Ryan Holiday.
You are changing the course of your ship. So I'd say "Steady as she goes, Cap'n."
I have a 6 year old daughter. She and I differ on opinion on many things. She thinks that potato chips make a great healthy meal. I do not. We don't "fight" over this topic. I make dinner and we both eat it. She can voice her preferences for a bowl of sugar with a cherry on top, but we are having chicken with rice instead. My daughter respects me and accepts what I decide.
Fighting with my daughter, even if I win, hurts my position of respect. If a fight is inevitable and unavoidable, then I face it full on and I make damn sure I win, but I don't go seeking out the fight.
From your description it sounds like you are honestly on the path to a life of happiness. You're not there yet, since sex isn't plentiful yet, but you're moving in the right direction.
Recommended readings include:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition/dp/0557036488
I would suggest you both look over this book: CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie. A real eye opener. To me the whole process of swallowing the redpill is about recognising and removing codependent behaviours, I see real similarities here. Outcome independence. You cannot control or change others, only yourself. There are also meetings CoDA meetings, like AA but for codependents, that your gf might benefit from if she gets that far down the road.
I am not going to waste my day building one, but thought to at least spend 10 minutes searching the web. Why am I not surprised, a website and android app dedicated to how many times you ~~have~~ aren't having sex
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.tmsl.trackmysexlife&hl=en