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Okay, ADAA has a list of support groups you could search up here: https://adaa.org/supportgroups

https://www.7cups.com might also be helpful.

You could also check if you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that might cover it?

I've also seen suggested that you have nothing to lose by emailing a few expensive therapists and asking them if they offer a sliding scale fee based on income or do pro-bono work. It never hurts to ask.

I haven’t read it myself but have heard great things from both clinicians and clients on this book

Also you’re both probably right - attachment styles are developed in response to the relationships we have with our primary caregivers when we are children and then usually stick with us until we intervene and change the patterns!

One of the best books I ever read for my own issues with procrastination and organization is the Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Guide-Women-ADHD-Neurodiversity/dp/168403261X

It was the only book that helped. I can’t take stimulants cause they make my hear beat too fast (and didn’t do anything for my concentration and organization anyway). The book helped with self acceptance and I am so much better now - Not perfect but way more functional.

Sounds like you’re looking for a more structured approach that will get to your core issues in a more meaningful way than just talking. EMDR and/or IFS therapy could be a good fit. Both are backed by neuroscience and don’t take too long for you to see initial benefits. IFS also has some self therapy books if you want to dip you toes before going all in with a therapist. https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy/dp/0984392777 it might also be worth looking into whether you want to explore medication.

I am a DBT therapist and yes, I do something very similar to what you have described here, called a "chain analysis". Here is an example of a chain completed for an incident of self-harm -- https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Emotion-Regulation-in-Schema-Therapy-and-Behavior-Fassbinder-Schweiger/a9681aed483a730d15fd35c0598bee3c0fc90875/figure/1

In chains, we try to make sure we have vulnerability factors, the prompting event, links, the problem behavior, and any form of consequences (positive or negative).

I'm sorry if your past therapist(s) have never discussed anxiety disorders and how they can present and continue over time. Without further information you are certainly describing anxiety but I don't want to attempt to determine which (generalized anxiety disorder, ptsd, panic disorder, etc). Wanting to understand "why" is very common and normal. However, I find it more helpful to focus your attention on what you can and are able to do to decrease it and feel better overall.

Here's a book I highly recommend that can help you explore the "where did this come from" and "why" you might be feeling and thinking the way you are.

https://www.amazon.com/Worry-Trick-Brain-Tricks-Expecting/dp/1626253188

They have it in audible format if you don't have time to read :)

I'm glad to hear that:)

If you like reading, another one came to my mind:

https://www.amazon.it/Soul-without-Shame-Liberating-Yourself-ebook/dp/B009GN3DD8/ref=sr_1_1?__mk_it_IT=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&crid=28MT1RHBJV2W5&keywords=soul+without+shame&qid=1659960048&s=digital-text&sprefix=soul+without+shame%2Cdigital-text%2C126&sr=1-1

All the best!

I sincerely have to tell you that you have all my respect for being so honest about yourself.
Finding a single answer that can give you a solution isn't easy.
This awareness and the desire to change it is already a starting point.
This book can give you some good insight:

Healing the Shame That Binds You-John Bradshaw
https://www.amazon.it/dp/B016P6GC9A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?\_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Look at the review; if you resonate with it, I can send you the PDF.

Schema Therapy and internal family systems can be helpful with a bpd diagnosis. Here is a book on the latter

I suspect he needs a different kind of therapy that does not involve lots of discussion and analysis. OCD is really anxiety on steroids and behind it there are emotions which need dealing with. Have a look for a hypnotherapist that specialises in OCD - it's very different to anything he has probably done before. But he has to be willing to explore it, being skeptical is not an issue.

To help him get to that stage for wanting professional help, some motivational questioning may help in a way that is artful and non-threatening. Here's a good book.
https://www.amazon.com/Instant-Influence-How-Anyone-Anything-Fast/dp/0316083348

https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Sunshine-After-Storm-Workbook/dp/1572246340/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1BK4HMXQYK67K&keywords=finding+sunshine+after+the+storm&qid=1648703864&s=books&sprefix=sunshine+after+the+storm%2Cstripbooks%2C104&sr=1-1

this workbook

I just got these question conversation cards off Amazon, the "family" version, and my kids are fuckin loving the hell out of them. Like crazy insightful questions and my kids are digging super deep coming at me with super insightful brilliant responses and I'm just dumbfounded and amazed.

200 FAMILY CONVERSATION STARTERS... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0891Y35LR?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

I am a JW whistle-blower. This group made me shun my mom for 10 years after she got divorced from my dad. She was out of my life until age 30. Now that I no longer believe in the doctrine now I am "disfellowshipped" and being shunned by the entire community. No more contact with family, not even a meal or saying hello.

J. Witnesses have their own version of the Bible. It is not recognized as a reliable translation by a majority of Bible scholars. I want to share this article with you. I also want to bring awareness!! I am curious how trained professionals would react to this article that all Jehovah's Witnesses are recently studying in their congregations. Also keep in mind this article is watered down for the public. There is much that is not mentioned.

This article claims that only "unrepentant sinners" are shunned from the congregation. But this is not true. I'd their mistake or sin was public or a repeat offense or not enough actions to demonstrate repentance or enough time to demonstrate repentance to elders, then yes a person will be disfellowshiped. The elders decide what kind of actions = repentance and can differ from person to person. Wrong judgements can also be made. I personally know a 14 year old girl that got disfellowshipped and shunned after her rape. It is not uncommon for teenagers to be disfellowshipped for trying out Marijuana or smoking on a few occasions or only one time. A disfellowshipped person is completely isolated and shunned until they "repent". Thus also includes being regular in attendance at all JW weekly meetings 2 times a week. On average, every person is shunned 9 months to a year. For smoking some cigarettes they get shunned an ENTIRE YEAR!

Please educate yourselves on helping cult victims. "Cracking the Cult Code for Therapists: What Every Cult Victim Wants Their Therapist to Know." https://www.amazon.com/dp/1546894683/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_WSDCAJJDZ9EGBEZZKPY6

I think that providing him with a new hobby will help resolve the problem.. Let him take extra classes (football, drawing or music) and check if he likes it. I think that if he starts going out and meets new friends, it will help. I understand that taking your son to extra classes is time-consuming but if you don't, he won't find a new hobby.

As far as I know, Minecraft allows kids to build some new places. Probably, he'll like Lego constructions, etc. Actually, he can play Lego instead of playing phone games.

If you're afraid that he'll keep spending much time near the screen, you can install a parental control app and limit his screen time. Let him play Minecraft 30 minutes a day and then perform other activities.

Hope that this will help. Don't give up, this is a problem but it's good that you noticed it now.

You should check out the books Intimacy and Desire, and Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Scharch.

Schnarch posits that marriage is the ultimate human growth machine. That one of the best ways to emotionally mature, and grow up is to do it in relationship with someone else.

I'm sure your dude has a lot of work to do.

Consequently, I'm sure you've got some work to do as well.

As you do the work together, confront your own demons, get curious about how you've both contributed to co-creating your current situation whether actively or passively, you'll find that your love for each other can grow deeper.

You can heal each other's childhood wounds. You can overcome the betrayal of the affair.

Doing the work alone is also a possibility. But people who say they need to do it alone, in my opinion, don't always understand the value, or the true purpose of a relationship.

She may have emotional regulation issues; may have SPD; could be any number of issues. I’m really sorry. It sounds enormously challenging and you sound like you’re at your wit’s end.

I think you need more supports and tools to figure out how to make things work more smoothly for you and your family.

Consider bringing this to the attention of her pediatrician and see if an evaluation is needed. I would definitely try to get into counseling for yourself - you’re going to need someone to support and help you and maybe have some ideas for how to deal with things- but I also think going to play therapy with her or family therapy is critical.

There’s a book called The Explosive Child https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0062270451/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=1XUIXBI63WUKM&dchild=1&keywords=the+explosive+child+by+ross+greene&qid=1630684255&sprefix=the+exploaive+&sr=8-3 which you might find helpful, but really, talking with a professional is going to be the most help.

My heart goes out to you. It sounds extremely challenging.

If you suspect someone you live with has BPD, I highly recommend the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It explains BPD really well, and also goes through a wide variety of techniques you can use. It is quite a journey, you may want to find someone to talk to about it (a support group and/or counselor) as well.

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1684036895?sa-no-redirect=1

Things like this or this

Here are a few options my clients have used:

1) If you have a cell phone with a data plan, Zoom works on iPhone and Android. You could sit in your car or walk and talk

2) If you have a local McDonalds, they offer very strong, free WiFi, that many of my clients report reaches outside the building, enabling them to sit in the parking lot and do a session.

3) Many public and college libraries have private study rooms you can use, along with free WiFi

4) Purchase a noise cancelling machine, which you put outside the door of the room you are in. Many therapy offices use these. You can pick up inexpensive one on Amazon Noise Canceling Machine

I really hope you get some answers. I've been checking back on this thread in hopes that someone will respond as I find myself in a similar situation.

I will share that my therapist recommended this book for conversations with children about the narcissists in their lives: The King and Queen of Mean: Namka, Lynne: 9781523880539 ... https://www.amazon.com/King-Queen-Mean-Lynne-Namka/dp/1523880538

I ordered my copy at Christmas time and set it aside because of the low production value so I can't personally attest to whether it's a slam dunk or not.

https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=self+acceptance+workbook&qid=1625095749&sprefix=self+a+ceptance+&sr=8-4

Maybe try this one

I mean, the way to do it is to stop avoiding. Do exposure and response prevention (the last part is key). Do the thing that terrifies you. Like think about the abusiveness. Don't do anything like apologize in your head afterwards or chant or any safety behavior. Think the intrusive thoughts and do not react. Continue doing so, despite how anxiety inducing it is, until your anxiety has decreased to, say, maybe a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being max. You are teaching your body that even in this terrible scenario...the world doesn't end. It's basically like recalibrating your brain. Our disorders cause us to overestimate the probability of disaster and underestimate our own ability to cope. By actually dealing with it and proving to yourself that you can survive, you're recalibrating.

You don't jump straight into the deep end, of course. For instance, I had a fear of school shootings. First, I was told to rate my anxiety of different scenarios. Thinking about it, looking at a picture of a gun or a school shooter, watching a fictional short YouTube clip of a show with a shooting, watching YouTube documentaries about real ones, and ultimately watching said documentary while sitting in an actual school. And then I did them in order of how I ranked them. I did the lowest anxiety one first, over and over until I was able to do it without significant fear. Then the next. And so on

I highly recommend only doing this with the assistance on a therapist or at least a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy workbook to guide you. Here is an example of one such workbook. https://smile.amazon.com/OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/1572249218/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?d

I have done exposure and response prevention therapy myself and it was the absolute best decision I have possibly ever made. Ever, and I'm not exaggerating. It was hard. Very hard. But I got my life back and it is SO amazing living without all that fear!

Especially in the cPTSD Reddit sub, psychotherapist Pete Walker's book is referenced frequently. I'm not sure if it's true, but he seems to present the idea of fawning as if he's coined it. I think that's where the OP's article drew its info from, and much of why the idea is being talked about with increasing regularity on the laymen side of things. To be clear, he's using it in a sustained traumatic environment rather than the typical short term bear encounter.

I hear you about the difficulties with finding a good therapist that is affordable, with the community resources. I have familiarity with university based training clinics, which typically don’t take Medicaid but may offer sliding scale fees for therapy that are way more affordable. The downside is that you are working with student clinicians supervised by licensed psychologists, so they may take a little longer to adjust to working with. If you have any universities in your state, perhaps they have such a training clinic and could offer telehealth services.

I am not a licensed psychologist yet, but I have some knowledge of dissociation and can suggest looking into complex PTSD, which is a condition that features dissociation and a lot of the symptoms traditionally associated with borderline personality disorder (but is not the same thing). Complex PTSD involves more impairment than PTSD, such as avoidance of relationships or persistently negative self esteem. If you want, this book: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842, has been recommended to me as an excellent “self-help” resource for people with such symptoms. Dissociation is something definitely addressed in the book. Although a great therapist would be ideal and I hope you continue looking for someone, I bet you might find a lot of useful skills to coping with dissociation or unwanted thoughts. You are not alone in having dissociation or the unwanted thoughts that you described in the original post. I wish you all the best and feel free to PM me if you would like more info on anything I mentioned.

Sounds like she is stuck in a fixed mindset instead of a growth mindset

I recommend you look at this book to see if any of it resonates. All kinds of minds

Hi there! I think you may be suffering from depression (of course, it’s just my best guess since I haven’t actually assessed you). Some of your thinking here is quite distorted. To paraphrase some of your thoughts:

1. Other people are suffering more than I do so I am not allowed to have hard times.

2. I have privilege so my life should be perfect at all times.

3. I have privilege so I should know what to do with myself at all times. Feeling lost from time to time is selfish.

None of these are true. Every person on this earth has struggles, feels lost, and feels like an imposter at times. You are allowed to have these feelings regardless of anything, simply because you are a human.

I would recommend cognitive-behavioral therapy. However, if therapy isn’t accessible to you, you may benefit from trying to find CBT resources online and seeing if they help, such as a CBT workbook, such as this:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1623157803/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_BtowFb6VM3KQG

It won’t replace a therapist but it may help quite a bit! Good luck and PM me if you’d like to talk more. :)

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_BILvFbWT0ZDFJ

Here is a book that I got. It is by Marsha, herself and really goes into detail. Lots of information, as well as LOTS of worksheets and practices. Might be useful, albeit a little pricey!

Yes, literally we are trained to do it and practice it. A lot. With someone watching us and critiquing us.

A few keywords:

Reflective listening and active listening.

Intentional interviewing is the book I use with my students when teaching these listening skills.

Most often courses like this are called something like, "Counseling Skills" or "Pre-practicum"