What are /r/emotionalabuse's favorite Products & Services?

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> but right now he's calm and things are normal.

No, things are not normal.

His behavior is abusive, these are huge red flags. You deserve to have relationships where you feel safe and respected.

You may also want to look into a possible tendency you have to attract abusive people like him and to accept their behavior.

The book The Human Magnet Syndrome, by Ross Rosenberg might help with that. I'll also recommend Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, to work on traumas that may have caused this. I highly recommend this last one.

I found some helpful ideas in Invisible Chains by Lisa Aronson Fontes. I don't know if it's available online. I got it from my local library.

First I would look into NPD and/or BPD which more than likely that is what's going on with him and will also talk about the emotional abuse that is associated with those PD

I started with psychiatry, got some temporary medication stabilized my sleep and a functioning routine, started therapy for CPTSD along with medications I mentioned.

Started meditating there are several free apps that you can utilize that really helps with the ruminating and negative thoughts

I started to exercise again like running walking, weights

Spent lots of time with family and friends which you not isolate. After 6 months of doing these things I started dating again and now in a healthy relationship with a non abusive person

Meditation apps:

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.getsomeheadspace.android

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.elevatelabs.geonosis

> seeing in true light his family members that have extreme alcohol issues

Ah, well, in that case, have a look at Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families meetings and ACA's "big red book."

I can identify. I too am a male who was with an abusive woman for 10 years. I am all too familiar with the blaming, shaming, guilting, hyper-ciritcal control freak pesonality. I too got the point of truly thinking I was a bad person.

Honestly, it takes time. Keep seeing your therapist. Actively learn to forgive yourself. Get yourself into some social circles (such as a community volunteer program), and get into something that will help you with self-confidence like jiu-jitsu, kickboxing, or weight-lifting. You will be very surprised at how pushing yourself physically will help you mentally.

As far as dating goes (which you're probably not ready for), know the "red flags" to watch out for. Abusers will generally want to rush into things like moving in together. Don't let anyone rush you into anything you're not absolutely comfortable with. If they apply even more pressure to get their way, then they are probably not the person for you.

And finally, know that there are normal, good people on the other side of all of this. I've been with my current g/f for over 3 years, and we haven't had so much as an argument because we talk stuff over and we're each respectful of the other's opinions and points-of-view. We've lived together for the last 1.5 years. It's been a breath of fresh air being able to speak my mind without walking on eggshells and waiting for the shoe to drop.

I wish you well. Feel free to come post anytime. There's a wealth of experience on this sub to help you.

Please read this pdf book on angry and controlling men. I keep it bookmarked on my phone to share with other women any time I come across these types of posts. It’s a life-changing book, or at least for me it was, and it might bring you a new level of clarity (or at the very least the vocabulary to properly discuss the inner workings of your relationship in the context of abuse).

This is one I used for general voice recording. It's probably best for what you need. Samsung Voice Recorder

This is one I used specifically for recording phone calls. I liked it because it records automatically. I caught a few calls I didn't mean to, but I just deleted those. The important thing is that I caught the calls I wanted to catch, and I didn't have to remember to turn the recorder on. It does have advertising, but it is free.

Call Recorder

Aw, I'm so happy it helped! 💖 Oh my gosh. That's horrible. I don't blame you. Over the years my parents have really changed and our relationship is really good now, but they weren't physically abusive, just emotionally and verbally. It sounds like your parents took it to a whole new level. I don't think I could even talk to my parents if they threw the physical part into the mix. Have you ever heard of DBT therapy? It's for people with borderline personality disorder, but honestly everyone should read the book on it, especially people who have suffered from abuse. There is a bit about toxic relationships. A lot of it taught me the life skills my parents weren't capable of teaching me, like how to self soothe and interpersonal skills etc. I found a pdf file online, otherwise you can buy it on Amazon. It's by Marsha Linehan.

Here are links to both:

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_6V3RCNZ1Q9E1A317Y9A0

https://survivingcptsd.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/dbt_skills_training_handouts_and_worksheets_-_linehan_marsha_srg_.pdf

I don't have one for that, but I do have one for the parent who wants to be / thinks they are a good parent but is actually abusive. It's called How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk. This book goes over a lot of the problems parents experience -- kids with unruly behavior, kids who won't be responsible for themselves, kids who whine about being punished, kids who won't cooperate, kids who won't open up to them, etc. -- and why what the parents are probably doing doesn't work, along with strategies that are more likely to work.

It includes lots of examples in sort of comic book fashion, most of which "bad" examples show abusive behavior (i.e. "STOP RUNNING AROUND IN THE STORE! YOU GET A SMACK!") and abusive parents should absolutely be able to see reflections of themselves and their own interactions with their kids. And these bad examples are placed right next to good examples, and the book explains how the parent's bad parenting is directly responsible for the kids' undesirable behavior, and how they can change to get good behavior from their kids.

It may not be exactly what you're looking for, but if you're looking to break the cycle of abuse, it's an excellent read for yourself and for your "slightly better than before dad."

I just left this kind of situation a little over three weeks ago. I was so scared to go through with it. It was even harder because in the end, he was able to maintain the nice guy facade. I’m still messed up due to the abuse obviously. It’s not going to go away in 3 weeks. But I am starting to feel stronger and more like myself.

It’s so weird to hear about others who go through this and that so many things are similar. The insane jealousy, need to control, critical and belittling behavior. Now of course, he’s the heartbroken victim. I’m trying REALLY hard not to fall for it.

There’s a book called “why does he do that?” I found it really helpful. The author has worked with many abusive men and he explains the minds and backgrounds of abusive men. Unfortunately, most won’t change. They can only change when they recognize that what they do is abuse. Fat chance.

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425191656/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_LWWvFbHYDX3NG