What are /r/malementalhealth's favorite Products & Services?

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I started learning how to code a couple months ago thanks to a charity that wants to help the unemployed learn new skills that are in-demand. In just two months I've learned so much and yesterday evening we were introduced to something completely new (jquery) and I got the hang of it really quick and managed to make a cute form that show off my dark sense of humor. I am really proud that I picked it up quickly and that I managed to code this little thing in just a couple of hours. I very rarely feel any sense of accomplishment in my life; I've experienced so much failure and almost no success, so things like this feel really incredible to me.

https://processing.org/

Check out the above link to get started. Not sure if it's as big of a deal as it was, but it might be a starting place for you.

Feel free to message me if you ever need to vent, or post here. Lot's of good guys here who have been through it and can offer experience.

Crush it out there this week bro.

You are not alone. I wish I had awesome advice.

Find a therapist. Someone to talk to is so helpful. A third party. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy has helped me. https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=Dialectical+Behavioral+Therapy&qid=1598470026&sr=8-5

I think part of the issue here is you see your worth as defined by your relationship status. If you are single it's because you're "on the bench". You feel inferior or fear that you are perceived that way.

I relate heavily to that fear. I found this book helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-You-Reasons-Single/dp/0399162879

It's actually written for women but I found it helpful as a male and it's thrust is largely gender neutral in nature.

Life is unfair. There are good people who never find love. Love is about fit. It's very difficult to find fit. Plenty of terrible people have no problem finding love.

There isn't an easy answer here.

Stop focusing on women as the end all be all.

Forget the term incel. Forget red pill, black pill, any of that crap. That ideology will lead you down a dark dark path. Drop any romanticizing you have of high school men being raped by female teachers (they are too young to legally consent - it IS statutory Rape - period) or prisoners being raped by female prison guards (it’s rape because those men have no agency or power to consent in those instances- the women have the power because they are corrections officers).

Find work and a mission larger than yourself and go for it. Build your confidence. You may very well be a “Nice Guy” and if you are I highly recommend reading Robert Glover’s book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” : https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=UJXTXJ3ENZXH&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy+robert+glover&qid=1656339098&sprefix=no+more+mr+%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-1

Get men around you, build your masculinity and your sense of identity and start doing men’s work. Find a group near you (I found a No More Mr Nice Guy group on Meetup in my city). Start doing the work you need to to better Your Life. Stop putting women ahead of your purpose in life. Start building your amazing “cake of a life” and allow a great woman to come in and be the icing on it, the bonus.

If you want a harder challenge once you’re through Glover’s book I recommend Traver Boehm’s book “Man Uncivilized”.

Change your story, change your life. Start today.

Alright. Well, as I’m sure you are aware online dating is pretty tough for men. It can be A source but it should not be the ONLY source for attempting to interact with women.

I would agree that most abstract advice such as “Be yourself” or “just be confident” typically doesn’t help anyone because if you could “just be” then you would have already done this.

What about your lifts? Wardrobe? What personal goals do you have? Hobbies?(please don’t say video games) social circle?Are you approaching women even if just to say “hi” on a regular basis?

I was in your shoes around 18/19 and I wish another guy would have told me (some of which is a little abstract):

• Men and women are different. To the cellular level.

• Women want to become part of your world; they do not want to BE your world.

• Confidence is not something you be; It is something you build. This is done by focusing on your strengths and addressing your weaknesses/fears. (Example - if you are afraid of public speaking, you should join toastmasters)Setting goals and accomplishing them and then moving ti the next. The work is never done.

• Rejection is the default experience for most men. Women are typically more sexually selective than men (see point 1). If you find one who is not sexually selective, it is best to avoid anything with her long term.

• Neediness is one of the least attractive qualities in a man.

• Understand that “arousing” and “attractive” are two different things.

• While you may be unique, you are NOT special

You will see this book recommended over and over in numerous men’s groups. There is a reason for this. You should read it and do the exercises in the book.

Are you sure that communication really is what he needs? There are various ways of dealing with one's emotions, many of which don't include sitting on a couch and talking.

This might be a resource that might interest you :

https://www.amazon.com/Way-Heal-Thomas-Golden-LCSW/dp/0965464946

https://www.daz3d.com/shop/# https://www.blender.org/ Try these software to build your own career and interest. Once you go into YouTube demo tutorials, you'll be good for like a year or month depending on you. The con is to build your PC and need a graphic card. Do you have a better graphic card. That's an option for you to show more realism. 🙂😉 Con, is you have to pay for assets.

I recommended a bookcalled the Confidence Gap This book has helped me a lot. It talks about naming what your mind is thinking, thanking it and telling it to go away. It has become habit for me now

It's all good, living with your parents. Your post makes me think you're comparing yourself to others. I've done it a lot too. In 1996 I discovered AOL, and while I was 23 at the time I was talking to those who were independent, who had their own place. I said that I envied them for living out on their own, but they shot back, "NO! STAY WITH YOUR PARENTS! It's not worth it!" The freedom was nice, but yeah, the lack of funds was a lot, plus I missed my parents meat-and-potatoes cooking.

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I have a girlfriend, but yeah I too have no close friends. I had one but he was totally unreliable. I finally spoke up about him not making the effort to come out and see me but he was fine with me having to go over and see him all the time. So I know a bit where you may be at this point. I know there are groups on meetup.com that may help. I joined one before, but I think perhaps I try too hard to get people to laugh in order for them to like me.

Maybe this alone time is the perfect spot you need to be in to think your best, to work and do things without distractions or interruptions. You'll always have those of us here on reddit to reach out to. I know it's not as fun and engaging as having someone there in front of you, but it is nice to have someone to listen.

You chose the wrong person to marry. Get a lawyer and accept that this relationship is over. Normal women in relationships do not act like this. It's not you, it's definitely her.

Next it's time to man up and accept that life is going to change. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to gain some self respect back and take charge of your life to be able to move forward.

I'd definitely consider seeking out a therapist immediately. Also, check out the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Charles Glover. It might help to put you back in the driver seat of your life, take control and eventually find happiness and self respect.

Best of luck to you.

Do you have actual hobbies? Something constructive that you can do with people in real life. Hiking, Biking, board games, book clubs, playing sports, etc? if so look on meetup.com to see if there is an interest group for that hobby in your area. or search for facebook groups for said hobby in your area. If you don't have a hobby, find one. It's much easier to start a friendship when you have a common interest that isn't drinking.

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There certainly is evidence of the intergenerational transmission of trauma being very real -- emerging NEAR science evidence continues to support this. Having said that, there also is evidence DNA =/= destiny here; there are ways to disrupt these patterns and break the cycle. This can start with you.

Here is a great book that you may be interested in. It may be worth taking a look so you can generate insight about how you have been (and potentially are continuing to be) impacted by trauma exposure, deepen your self-knowledge and wisdom, and ground yourself in a realistic sense of hope for healing, growth, and recovery for yourself as well as for generations to come.

>I'm very sorry for writing this post - it is ridiculous, and I'm an idiot for doing it. I am very sorry that I've made you wasting your time on me!

My man, look at the way you are talking about yourself! You are basically living with a bully in your head all day. That is why you are feeling shitty.

Maybe if you're not ready for real therapy, you can get a book that teaches you how to kind of do it for yourself. Check this one out.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker

• Amazon Link

Overview (partial copy/pasta from amazon): In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker[...] shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger—before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker[...] offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including...how to act when approached by a stranger...when you should fear someone close to you...what to do if you are being stalked...how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls...the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person...and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life.

I am a female redditor so /u/Powerspawn, if you or the community rather I be a quiet observer for now feel free to remove the comment. However I do think this book is a wonderful tool for those working on their mental health. I grew up in a dysfunctional family situation (to put it nicely) and from a young age was taught to not only doubt myself, but to give unearned trust and respect to people in perceived positions of power. This book was a great supplement to a lot of the other work I've been doing to reclaim myself for me.

unfortunately, the newer treatments are all for severe depression, presumably because of side effects. My Dr. says there are other treatments available, but they're so risky that it's only worth it when you're at the end of your wits. There's also promising studies done on psychedelics. The only mainstream one is Ketamine, if you search for it there are clinics that'll administer it for depression, but they're not cheap (500-1k per session) and insurance likely won't cover it. In changing your mind Michael Pollan chronicles his venture into the psychedelics and has a good account of a session with a trip counselor. That isn't as easy to find as the Ketamine ones, but might be for you.

as for your main question, I don't have any answers as I'm going through similar things. I started therapy after having twins, being in my backyard with them frolicking in the grass and thinking "why aren't I filled with joy? Isn't this everything I wanted?" It's been more than 10 years and I have little to show for it internally, but support structures, including a therapist, helps with day to day troubles. Keeps things from festering.

Just an FYI that Kiyosaki is a two bit huckster and Rich Dad Poor Dad is made up trash that is meant to get you to buy into his real estate business. You can find much better personal finance info in Jack Bogles The Little Book of Common Sense Investing or JL Collins Simple Path to Wealth.

My therapist has been motivating me to do some things that should be great for me, in the long run. I'm skeptical that they'll help a ton but that's the bad mental health speaking.

Last weekend I wrote a goodbye letter to a girl that I fell badly in love with last year. It was a "too good to be true" best-friendship but she wasn't interested in a relationship and has very different life goals. My head won't stop thinking that I'll never deserve anyone like her. Anyway, writing that was hard and it bummed me out for a few days. I'm good now, though!

Now I'm in the process of re-writing online dating profiles, hoping that it casts the type of net I need to meet someone. I read a book called "Data, A Love Story: How I Gamed Online Dating to Meet My Match" and it's given me a lot to think about, regarding what I'm looking for. The advice goes against what I'd prefer to do (which is to write a lot and be really picky) but maybe it'll help, although better pictures would surely be clutch. It's frustrating to do this stuff when one of my best friends can get any guy she's interested in with truly minimal effort. I know I shouldn't compare myself but it's hard not to.

Last thing, I subscribed to the Headspace app. I intend to use it once a day this week and try to get back into the habit of meditation.

It sounds like your life lacks purpose. Perhaps step outside yourself and try to help others? Volunteer? You're in your head too much. Once you can give yourself to a community, I think you'll worry less about your own problems while providing solutions for others.

I've been there man. Some days I'm still in it. What helped me immensely was starting Brazilian Jujitsu. I belong to an amazing community of like-minded people. Every day I get to help people newer than me while testing myself against people that are better than me. But you don't have to do exactly that, just try to fill your time with a purpose. Look into Viktor Frankl.

Best of luck my friend.

Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay is a great book that will help you understand how your thoughts affect your mood and emotion and provide you with some cognitive behavioral therapy exercises to improve your mental state.