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I'm going to use my burner account to post a bit of a bittersweet anecdote here- I also didn't have a ton of bottom dysphoria when I started transition, but I did make the conscious decision that I'd rather live as a woman than be sexually functional, if that's what it took. Luckily HRT did not kill my sexual function, but it did change it substantially. It's still possible to get an erection, but the skin down there is way thinner and softer now, and any amount of friction begins to hurt. Without going into a lot of detail, I had to learn what all the Hitachi hype was about. The psychology of my arousal also changed, which for me was mostly wonderful. It feels a lot less like a physical need that must be met all too often, and more like a spark that I can fan or not.
So the long and the short of it is I have to use entirely different methods to get off, and I'm interested in it waaaay less often, maybe once a week at most, but the mechanics and quality of that arousal are all distinctly more feminine and for me, that is great. I started off being unsure about whether I wanted those changes and in the end, I really prefer it all more this way.
A guide that was recommended to me early on is Fucking Trans Women by Mira Bellwether. Highly recommended just for the discussion of mechanics.
I'm not the OP but I recently found the book on Amazon for my partner (MTF).
She’s My Dad!: A Story for Children Who Have a Transgender Parent or Relative https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1785926152/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_XGZD3KMER1N2HAB1TM6K?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
She teared up when she read it as we are going to stick with calling her Dad and myself (cis female) Mom/Mama. I find alot of books about 2 moms or 2 dads as well, but this was the first for a MTF "Dad".
https://www.amazon.com/Fucking-Trans-Women-FTW-1/dp/1492128937 This might be a good resource. The author includes a lot of diagrams as well as personal experience, and we’ve enjoyed some of the new things she describes.
In She's Not There: A life in Two Genders when she told her kids who were around your son's age, they called her "Maddy" instead of "Daddy". A sort of mixture of Mom and Daddy. I recommend that book, it's a great autobiography of her. She also wrote another one talking about their marriage which I haven't fully read, but I think you might get something out of both.
I think HRT is less effective and more dangerous for people who smoke.
Link to abstract from study: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15638743
Information on hormone replacement therapy: https://www.slideshare.net/mobile/roger961/hormone-replacement-therapy-for-transgenders-dos-and-donts
Gender and sexual orientation are 2 different things. Hormones won't suddenly make him attracted to men. My husband (MtF pre-everything so still using male name, pronouns, etc) is only attracted to women, so technically he's (she's) a lesbian.
We're just beginning this process as well. PM me if you need to talk. :)
Hello!
My wife and I have a young daughter, and we discussed how to approach this with her. We talked to our therapists and they gave us some book recommendations to read with them, as well as pointing out that kids, especially young ones, are fine with it, as long as you're honest and direct.
These are the books we gave to our daughter:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250302951 It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity [Thorn, Theresa, Grigni, Noah] not sure it's the best, but it gave her the terminology to work with. Not much of a story - it's mostly "here's X. They do X. Their identity is X.". But she really liked it and read it a bunch.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0593121961 The World Needs More Purple People [Bell, Kristen, Hart, Benjamin, Wiseman, Daniel] which is a much more nuanced take, focused on the idea that you should be a good person in your life, open and understanding.
As far as talking to our daughter - honestly, I just approached it very straight forward, with my wife helping. We explained that daddy always felt like a girl, and that she's going to start changing her body to match how her mind works. Just the very basics of identity, and what's expected of her (so what name and pronouns to use). And then let her consider it for a bit, and ask whatever questions she wanted to ask. That was a big one to help settle her into this.
It's also important to understand young children have no filter. Expect them to out their trans parent to friends, family, strangers, schoolmates, etc. Be prepared for it. It's best not to try to drill that this is a big secret, because then it gets them in a bit of a shame/fear loop if they make a mistake.
this zine called FUCKING TRANS WOMEN by miranda bellwether is amazing and totally worth $5, i highly recommend
link to download: https://payhip.com/b/hRtK
awesome review + interview with author: http://www.autostraddle.com/mira-bellwether-author-and-illustrator-of-fucking-trans-women-zine-the-autostraddle-interview/
https://www.amazon.com/Fucking-Trans-Women-FTW-1/dp/1492128937
This was really helpful for us, there are a lot of great tips as well as ideas for reframing your ideas about how sex works with different kinds of bodies.
I totally got you for the blanket sweatshirt but my GF is shy so unfortunately she won't agree to pictures. But def buy one for your SO or yourself and bring the cuteness home! Do I sound like a bad infomercial? Haha
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086KZN51M/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_uqZ.FbCWR6M5M?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
So I completely get that you might be afraid for them but unfortunately this is kinda just the world for people like us atm, though hopefully that might change again soon. In the meantime I would totally recommend that you ask her to install this app and just generally make sure she knows how to read the crowd/situation so as to best make use of it. It has genuinely got me out of potentially dangerous situations on more than one occasion (I would highly recommend it for any woman tbh). I may just post it somewhere and share it with everyone actually now that you happened to remind me of it.
This booklet, Fucking Trans Women by Mira Bellwether. It has everything you could ever want to know on the subject. If you're less than scrupulous I know for a fact you can find it somewhere online for free, but it's only $5 and the author really deserves the support! It gives a lot of great places to start, but remember above all else that you need to be prepared to explore your partner slowly and methodically to find what works and what doesn't. There is no end-all-be-all 'this is how to sex a trans'
I took care of my boyfriend post top surgery and I have a few suggestions. I think the first couple of days are the roughest pain-wise so most of this is for the first bit. When you are allowed to go see them post surgery bring unmedicated cough drops - people often have sore/dry throats - just make sure you ask the nurse before you give them anything. There are usually several medications that need to be given at different intervals so I just set phone alarms labeled with each medication.
For leaving the hospital/the first few days I made some shirts that essentially require no movement to put on. Just get some comfy and oversize T shirts and then cut the sides open from the bottom through to the bottom edge of the sleeve - essentially leaving just the neck and the top side of the sleeve uncut. I then sewed in a few pairs of snaps on both sides. I think you can also buy something similar if you don't want to diy it. I also made (and you can purchase) a long pillow with some velcro that you can put on a car seatbelt strap - this keeps some of the pressure off the chest if you have to drive anywhere.
Here are some links to the items above, though it is way cheaper to diy them.
I’m reading this book right now and I’ve found it to be helpful. There is a chapter specifically about the sexual orientation of partners of trans people. The Trans Partner Handbook
The short answer is: you don’t have to identify as a lesbian (or bi, or anything but straight) if you decide to continue your relationship as your partner transitions. But I know it’s easier said than done. I had my own orientation crisis when my partner came out.
The Trans Partner Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785922270/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_2QK6ZHSXQDMM6T2YWCDB
Would you be amenable to something like this? Maybe she could fill it out, show you the parts that she’s comfortable with, and you go over it together?
I’m definitely with you are not being able to afford counseling, I lost access to those kind of services after I graduated. Thankfully, my fiancée and I were able to go through enough sessions while I was still in school but I think we’re pretty solid on that front.
I just got this book and it’s been really helpful for me - my partner of 7 years just came out as FTM I wish I had had it two weeks ago when she first came out it might have helped ground me. Also do you have a couples therapist? https://www.amazon.com/Reflective-Workbook-Partners-Transgender-People/dp/1785927728
First, check out this book. https://www.amazon.com/Fucking-Trans-Women-FTW-1/dp/1492128937
Second, hrt has not prevented piv with my wife. My penis definitely works a little differently and orgasms are different, but it still works fine. It also takes more time to get erections.
Third, denial play with my wife is a big turn on for me... People have all kinds of turn ons. For example fucking my wife with a strap on or sharing a vibrator between us, or getting pegged by my wife, etc. Then I might switch to piv or I might not. Taking the pressure out of sex and just exploring and having fun together.
I've been put in a similar situation recently. We have a few people in our lives who are well meaning and genuinely curious but also somewhat......ummmm....how to say this nicely.......annoying and intrusive in their quest for knowledge.
I went on Amazon and got several cheap used copies of "Transgender Explained for Those Who are Not" and "Transgender 101" and I've been handing them out.
Hey! Partner of a pre-transition trans woman here, who currently goes by he/him. I’ve actually been trying to stay off of reading this subreddit because it’s been bad for my mental health, but I saw your post and thought that I could share a glimmer of hope with you. Feel free to dm me if you have any other questions!
The first step you both should be taking is therapy - separately and couple’s therapy. I’ve been in therapy for months now, and with the help of my therapist and on my own, I’ve moved on from the mourning phase, to embracing my partners transition and our life moving forward. HRT is very difficult to start where I live (to get into a gender clinic can take 9 months to a year) so I’ve been doing research on general practitioners that prescribe HRT with informed consent (my province doesn’t have a list of doctors who are trans friendly so it took me forever to find a doctor that’s willing) honestly, just start small. Help your partner in any way you feel comfortable. Every person’s relationship is different and life after transition is going to be different for every relationship.
My therapist recommended me to buy this workbook — I haven’t started it yet, but if you want to stay by your partners side, it may help. The Reflective Workbook for... https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1785927728?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share (you don’t have to buy it on Amazon, it’s also available at other book stores)
You need to do a lot of self reflection to see if it’s possible loving a woman — right now you think you might never be able to be with a woman, and that’s okay. (I personally never had to do this, I am pan)
My partner and I are going to a fertility doctor before he starts HRT and are doing sperm cryopreservation (sperm freezing) so we can have kids sometime in the next few years. It’s not impossible to have kids, you just need to do your research and be prepared.
Good luck with yours and your partner’s journey!
Recommendation: get a post-mastectomy pillow like this: https://www.amazon.com/Mastectomy-Pillow-Surgery-Reduction-Perfect/dp/B00EE84FZU/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?adgrpid=56091609516&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIjKeB4cuf-wIVdebjBx33lAODEAAYASAAEgLfyvD_BwE&hvadid=617002305756&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9016852&hvne...
It was my best friend for at LEAST a month. It feels so much better to have something you can hug against your chest (including for sleeping). I genuinely cannot recommend anything more than this one item.
Also, of course, button down/zip up tops, and once you can’t use opioids- alternate between tylenol & Advil
I really like Roxy's 2 inch boardshorts (https://www.amazon.com/Roxy-Womens-Inch-Boardshort-Black/dp/B01E46W7QK/ref=sr\_1\_37), with bikini bottoms underneath to help with tucking. It's comfortable, everything stays secure, and it helps me not feel self-conscious.
Hope you both have a good vacation!
On the but cheek I've found is best. Then get some of these and put em over the top keeps em on even if you shower or swim, https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09P7DCWKD/ref=cm_sw_r_apa_i_0QHV9RT30TJV1RX15PE0_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Help her find this group early on, and let her have a private identity here to work things through. If she indicates she will try to stay as you transition, you could also try offering her this book: https://www.amazon.com/Reflective-Workbook-Partners-Transgender-People/dp/1785927728
MtF partner here! Maybe I can offer a suggestion or two.
Breast forms can be nutso expensive for incredible quality, like right down to goosebumps skin textures--but I actually think that this is one of those cases where it's better to buy it twice. Things like size are deeply personal and gut-level, and it's almost impossible to get it right the first try, so spending $400 on a pair of self-adhesive skin-texture forms is a great way to be disappointed.
I'd suggest starting with these. They're affordable, made with high-quality silicone, and the triangle shape is better for rib cages larger than about 32" or 34". If you get teardrops and she has like a 40" chest, there's going to be a huge gap between the forms that looks and feels really weird. These, on the other hand, will look a bit wacky until you pull a top on over them, then they'll look much more natural. Ignore the "cup sizing" as it has nothing whatsoever to do with reality, and most girls end up wanting a little bigger than they think they want at first, so don't be afraid to order a size up. It's Amazon, so exchanges are easy, and you can figure out a proper preferred size that way.
Good luck!
The curtain came as a set from Amazon. If you are in the US... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08SJXYWMJ
Definitely keeping in mind that things are changing rapidly. Aside from HRT, there's nothing so far I've done that cannot be reasonably undone. Not that I want to at all.
As a partner I found this book to be helpful in the early stages of my spouse's transition and just knowing what to expect.
As a trans dude, I find when things are labeled for men it eases my dysphoria.
I hope it’s helpful! These are the cards they are very basic but work great.
The Empathy Set: Powerful Communication Tool (Feelings and Needs Flash Cards) for Empathy and Emotional Intelligence
I had this one from amazon for a while at it was pretty good for the money:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07FC7G9ML/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
A little more than your price range, but if you look at that brand they have lots of options
Well, I found studies on this kind of thing. >Mortality in male-to-female and female-to-male transsexuals is not increased during cross-sex hormone treatment.
So that's a pretty good sign.
>Long-Term Estrogen Therapy Improves Vascular Function in Male to Female Transsexuals
The title of that one is reassuring enough and the study itself, naturally, shows how they came to that conclusion.
It looks like there's scientific evidence that your girlfriend should live a long life have has a typical life expectancy.
In case you're having trouble visualizing, /u/kittensox is talking about the "Amazon position", and tumblr has some great NSFW gifs to look at. My girlfriend and I (FtM/MtF couple) do this a lot.
There are male spouses with ftm partners here. Hopefully one of them will respond to you.
When being jangled by anxiety it's sometimes helpful to break down the feelings into tiny named parts so they can be address individually.
> and the effect it will have on our marriage, our child and their life.
How do you think it will change your marriage? What are your biggest fears about having a husband? And can they be spoken to by your spouse, yourself, or just more experience?
A mixed bag of anecdotes: Double dude marriages are lucky! I live on the west coast and have lots of m-m couples as friends. Some trans masc on trans masc. Some trans masc on cis male gay. Some cis gay male on cis gay male. Who doesn't like a man? They generally find it easier to rent than a lot of my married lesbian friends because people go "ooooo two male providers" and all the other crappy misogyny built into society that's super ready to stamp the cards of men. Which is not to say that everyone can sign on to M-M relationships and that discrimination doesn't exist. Because it does. But, it is by no means all that is out there. I have trans masc friends that transitioned and got pay bumps! I have trans masc friends that still can't get over the novelty of always being right now that they're consistently read as male. Etc. etc. You may want to see if there's a trans parent support/meetup group in your area. They are a thing that exists. Try meetup.com, your local queer/lgbtq center, whatever the nexus of queer culture is in your area.
This book was also nice: The Trans Partner Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785922270/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_GYJ2R5K91ZG7T55ZE3Q4
I would prepare for more emotions to come out. My wife was astounded by the fact that she couldn’t just push aside her emotions anymore. It was really good for her but took some adjusting.
I think this is very normal, and honestly it sounds like y'all are in a really good place to have a conversation about this. Attractions and desire normally change over the course of a marriage, one partnering transitioning certainly amplifies this.
My suggestion would be to have an open, honest conversation about it. It is VERY likely (speaking from experience here) that as she comes more into her feminine self, and especially when she starts HRT, that she is going to be experiencing new attractions and desires that she may want to explore. You may find that this is a golden opportunity for you both to stay together while simultaneously freeing yourself to pursue things that fulfill you outside the confines of a monogamous relationship, especially one that is or may end up as a relationship that does not involve sex or romantic love to the same degree that it used to.
Of course polyamory / ethical non-monogamy is not a magic pill and it's not without pitfalls and challenges unique to it, but I think it's worth exploring for the sake of both of your happiness.
This book is a WONDERFUL place to start:
More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory https://www.amazon.com/dp/0991399706/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_Q3C3XXZSRJA5RQ16FBEK?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Best of luck to you both ❤️
This booklet, Fucking Trans Women by Mira Bellwether. It has everything you could ever want to know on the subject. If you're less than scrupulous I know for a fact you can find it somewhere online for free, but it's only $5 and the author really deserves the support! It gives a lot of great places to start, but remember above all else that you need to be prepared to explore your partner slowly and methodically to find what works and what doesn't. There is no end-all-be-all 'this is how to sex a trans'
This is a very popular one and I actually spoke with the author at the beginning of Covid and she is amazing!!! Also if you would like some Facebook groups I could suggest some. You two are sooo cute 🥰😍🤩🥰😍🤩
The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People: Your Transition as Your Partner Transitions https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785927728/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_11BBCZ7ME2B0B36RXEAF
This one is inexpensive and fun, and works with a persons natural hairline. The fashion headbands are removable and the basic one it comes with is black: K'ryssma Ombre Blonde Synthetic Headband Wig with Dark Root Long Wavy Blonde Wig Body Wave Headband Wigs for Black Women 22 inch https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08XJZCRSV/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_F9JBF4TJG3SKSS4DTQR8
This. Thing. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CBP8PQ3/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_72WY5BDM5AXH5R4DMG13?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
This is the absolute best money I have ever spent on any form of hair removal. Italian/Greek/Turk/German prior sweater wearer. This works so well, it legitimately made me cry.
I also appreciate this reply as my partner has just decided to transition and soon we will need to tell our kids (9 and 10). Our 10 year old is non binary and has always described her gender as "neutral" (though she does use she/her pronouns and we will keep using those until she says wants to use something else) she has already read the first book you mentioned, and she also loved the book My Rainbow https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1984814605/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_YCN425AR5PCEMR24FHFN which she carried around with her everywhere for several days. Our son will probably not take it as well. My partner is very worried about how our son will react, its causing her a lot of distress.
All the resources already mentioned are great. My wife and I had a similar experience with my MIL and she doesn't use a computer so we needed to send her physical books. In case your parents are similar or you just want to add to the resources available to them, here's the links to two pretty good beginners books that really helped my MIL with her questions and concerns.
Transgender Explained for Those Who Are Not (This one was my mother in law's favorite. The author is herself an older woman so I think her analogies and the experiences she mentions just clicked better than the younger vibe of Transgender 101)
We bought copies of both books for ourselves as well and read them so that when she asked about specific issues brought up in chapter so and such we had a common starting ground for the discussion.
Looks like there is quite a bit of great help within this thread. If you're a reader, I highly recommend this book. Love Lives Here . It helped my wife and I immensely when I started my transition. It is an amazing story.
My partner has wild brows but they look nice for a few weeks when I perm the hairs up and shape them. I use this kit to perm the brows, just follow the same step as eyelashes. I use this no mess wax and yank away all the access hair around her brow. Finally I use a pair of tweezers to shape the arch in. If you cut the wax strips into smaller pieces you can get really detailed.
Make sure to draw on the shape of their brow before removing hair. Then remove based on that shape. The first time is hard and may need to be done in sessions. As long as you up keep it’s not too bad after.
Waking up from anesthesia can make some people anxious or emotional or frightened for a few hours, especially in combination with pain and medication. My partner felt pretty panicky the night after his surgery. If this happens, reassure them that it's normal and they are safe and you are there to help them if anything goes wrong.
Keep on top of medication. Don't wait for them to start feeling discomfort if they can take a pill right now. It's much harder to beat back pain after meds wear off than it is to maintain relative comfort.
Showers will be difficult for the first few days. I highly recommend getting some no-water, no rinse, microwavable shampoo caps (like these) and some wet wipes. I can't remember if he technically wasn't supposed to shower or if it just seemed like an insurmountable task, but it was nice for my partner to delay that first shower until he was a little more healed without feeling super grimy.
Make sure you pack shirts that button or zip in the front because they should not be putting shirts over their head. My partner found it useful to have shirts with pockets to hold the drains.
Bring a notebook and pens. You'll need to keep track of med times and they may ask you to log the fluids in the drains and all kinds of other stuff and it's helpful to have it on paper instead of needing to set a billion alarms on your phone or whatever.
Hyper feminine daily wear jewelry is a great idea. My partner (cisF 45) recently got me (mtf 43) a super fem bracelet that is emblematic of their love for me. Just accidentally seeing it in the Amazon order list, I melted into a puddle of happy. It also instantly became a touchstone of a sort. In moments that I am struggling, I can look at or touch it to be reminded that I am not alone, they love me, and all manner of other sappy good reassurances.
May not be a good fit for your girl. But this is what she got me.
These are great questions to ask your partner! And she is in fact the only person in the world qualified to actually answer them. Good sex is all about good communication and being in the moment with your partner. It would be good to talk with her beforehand (as it sounds like you already are) about exactly how she is comfortable with you touching her and specifically how she does or does not want you to interact with her genitals.
If you have been talking about having anal sex with your partner then I recommend you read (and follow!) Dan Savage’s advice for first timers. As you’ll see, there’s quite a bit of working towards having full penetrative anal sex that you ought to do first. It might be a good idea to read that article together with your girlfriend and talk about what following that advice sounds like for both of you.
Another thing that you might take a look at is the Zine Fucking Trans Women, and maybe also read through that with your girlfriend and talk about what sounds good or fun to try to both of you.
Also, try not to put too much pressure on each other or yourselves to make your first time amazing. All of my “firsts” were generally somewhat awkward and anticlimactic learning experiences. Movies over-dramatize the act of “losing your virginity” and having a “magical” first time in a really counter-productive way I think. Sex isn’t a performance that you need to do well at, it’s an interaction that you need to be present for. Anyway, just my thoughts
I highly recommend the The Trans Partner Handbook by Jo Green
It has a lot of commentary from partners of trans people. You can also find copies of it on kindle or google books.
> TL;DR Is there anyway to salvage the relationship with my in-laws?
Time and space. Joanne Herman has a bit about her family near the end, in which she says that she took a hard line with them that she now regrets ("this is me, take it or leave it"). She says that years later they admitted that they were shocked and felt that they had been forced into an ultimatum, but that given more time they would have eventually come around. And they did do so, but I don't recall how long that took, maybe five years or so? Joanne now thinks that she could have been gentler with them and maybe they would have been quicker coming around.
> How can we show them that their child is still the same person they’ve always been?
Joanne also notes that this wasn't true for her. It turns out that her real self was very different from the child her parents raised. Different hobbies, different interests, in general a completely different person that the man she was forced to be. It took her time to understand that her family and friends had genuinely liked that man even as she was internally miserable being him, and there was a real grieving process they were going through. She later admitted that she went more gung-ho on erasing him from history than she needed to, and after a time reached a balance where she could honor his memory without the negative feelings from being trapped in his life.
Time and space, and probably a lot more than either of you expect any rational person to need.
Trans woman here, agree with others that voice is hardest at first, when you're trying to find your way and are aware of how awful you sound. I've been using this book:
https://www.amazon.com/One-Weird-Trick-Users-Transgender/dp/1986757382
And I'm 3 months in and it has been going really well. I'm also taking lessons at the studio founded by the author, but the book alone is very useful.
Really, keeping up motivation to practice is the hardest part. My teacher has always encouraged me to work on incorporating my voice in daily life, even early on, rather than relying on 30-60 minutes of focused practice each day. And your partner doesn't have to practice every day - taking a breather once or twice a week helps a lot.
A foam reading pillow with arms (link at the end). I pretty much lived and slept on it for 2 weeks post surgery and it was the best purchase I made, other than a little fanny pack belt thingee to hold the drains. I hadn't realized how long I would be sleeping on the couch while half sitting up, and this pillow was the only thing that made it semi-comfortable. And just a regular neck pillow like you buy at the airport. And about a million soft cloth washcloths for the week without showering (used in conjunction with baby wipes, it's like half a shower). And a shower mesh brush with a long handle for the second week when he can finally shower but might not be able to move his arms very well yet. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XGXM126/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s02?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I think Jennifer Finney Boylan has written a memoir on this. Let's see...here: http://www.amazon.com/Stuck-Middle-You-Parenting-Genders/dp/0767921771/ref=la_B001ILKGFY_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447956392&sr=1-3
And I know a user in this sub has written about this issue on her blog https://translucidity.wordpress.com
Read this book: http://www.amazon.ca/Emotional-Blackmail-Susan-Forward/dp/0060928972
And it's completely OK to want to leave a relationship when your partners gender changes! sexual relationships are built (usually, at least a little) on gender and attraction. You can't change the foundation and expect things to stay the same.