What are
/r/Infidelity's
favorite Products & Services?
From 3.5 billion Reddit comments
The most popular Products mentioned in /r/Infidelity:
The most popular Services mentioned in /r/Infidelity:
Zoosk
Match.com
Cerberus
Android 007
SPYBUNKER
Google Podcasts
ImgBB
hastebin
XNSPY
The most popular reviews in /r/Infidelity:
https://www.amazon.com/Semen-Detection-Test-Strips-Infidelity/dp/B00152LYDY
just looking at reviews on amazon tells me there's no good kits offered to the public. I've pondered testing my husbands underwear and have come to realize that if I cannot trust him I should leave.....
Hi. Can you elaborate on your therapy? You mentioned intrusive thoughts... so that can happen in lots of ways. In my case, I have OCD based intrusive thoughts that are irrational and specifically based on the idea that somehow my girlfriend has actually, all along, been a liar and is still lying/cheating. Once I realized it was specifically OCD and started working on that, it got so, so much better. You mentioned "logic-ing" your way out of intrusive thoughts... this might be hard to hear but that's not how that works. I'm sorry to be so direct. But that's actually a compulsion, "logicing." Allowing yourself to "logic" provides self soothing, and actually causes more intrusive thoughts. If any of this is sounding right, I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1626254346/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_asin\_title\_o03\_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I want you to know I speak from 1st hand experience. I spent years in pain haunted by many times a day "random" intrusive worries... when I got help it got so much better, but you need someone who understands OCD.
I also recommend a "crisis card." A little card that can can keep in your wallet/purse when you get overwhelmed. On one side it has tips that help you self calm. On the other it has positive things to look for that re-enforce signs he is not cheating. Did he tell you he loved you in the last 24 hours, in a real way? Did he hold you all night long. Did he compliment you? Is he showing you love in other ways? My experience is that when we have intrusive thoughts it wipes our ability to look at the situation in a balanced way, and all we can do is "logic" or play detective focused on the bad. Hope any of this helps. This stuff is really hard. Keep getting therapy. Make sure you have a therapist that is really helping you.
Hello
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There are many i normally use one of these :
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if your father have iPhone i do not recommend the above ... They only work 100% with Android
The other women has very little to do with this. Your husband has made a lot of little choices to get where he is and he isn't easily coming back.
One of the things that MIGHT help you is actually working to MOVE ON and have him served with divorce papers. He is NOT in a great position post divorce as even though you probably will have to get a job if you haven't already got one - he will still be paying you child support and spousal support and you should absolutely take what you're entitled too - since he's entitled to his happiness - you're entitled to support. Period.
If he REALLY wants to work on it then he will go with you to a therapist who specializes in infidelity. He will realize he needs to re-earn your trust back by opening his life back up and literally giving you the keys to the business and perhaps making you an equal partner in it if you aren't already.
Check out this book as it's super helpful in understanding what is required to recover in situations like this:
Cheater test. I call it the phone snatch. Just grab her phone while it’s on the table it doesn’t have to be even unlocked but if it’s unlocked you’ll have a more noticeable reaction. You will need diversion —-a phone wipe, a pop socket, a sticker or something. I used a phone de fog wipe. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084KMJ1M5/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_62QP47G136ZNMXDHK9BN?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 The diversion is to neutralize her annoyance reaction. You want to isolate her annoyance from the phone snatch to gauge her panic of phone content. Very important to have your head straight when you do this. Be very calm be very observant and use all your observation and insight into this woman to gauge her reaction. Now grab the phone hold it for a second watch her closely. What are your spidey sensors telling you telling you? If she says “what are you doing” pull out the wipe and start cleaning her phone. Act like you may open it to see how clean the screen is when it’s on. This test will tell you if you need to go to part B. Part B is voice activated tape recorders. One in her car. One In the house. And no you don’t just randomly place them. You make up some excuse to be gone all day. Preferably a Saturday to increase the chance the AP is free. You need to give her time. Like a week so she can plan. On that day you leave a recorder in the house and car. If she is cheating her communication/contact with the guy will ramp up on the day of your planned absence. If it’s emotional she will talk to him. If it’s physical she will do everything in her power to hook up with him. If you want to boost your chances try to plan your day gone two weeks before her next period.
Agreed, don't do the 'pick me dance' and read this instead - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Leave-Cheater-Gain-Life-Survival/dp/0762458968?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=1a68678c-7b7a-423d-b734-e5059d457e6b
Hide these random sound generators around in various places in the apartment where they can't be found! Air ducts, back of bedframes, furniture ...
They last for three years and will drive him crazy over time!
What u/deGrubs said. Get a Voice Activated Recorder. Record everything. Let me say that again. Record everything. If she is a mean vindictive witch she might try to get a Restraining Order on you by lying. You'll need to be able to prove your innocence.
Since you can't keep her out of the house is there a guest bedroom you can move into? If there is then get a keyed lock for the door. And buy some cheap cameras and memory cards. I really like these Amcrest ones. Put the camera in your room. Record all the time.
Good luck Brother. You got this.
Do you still live close to your ex? Any chance you can wait for her outside where she works? If so it’s simple.
Start off by asking if you can apologize. Say you had been drinking with the friends and it just came out. Say you understand her need to blame you but she and you know what she’s saying is not true. Should be easy to admit to her cheating. Oh, when you are waiting for her. Be by your car. Make a point to toss your phone back in your car so she won’t think you are recording her. Once she’s on tape admitting that you did nothing wrong make a few copies. Play it for a few of the people who confronted you. Then walk away
I recommend you make an all out effort to help her heal, whether or not it saves your marriage.
Let her know you are sorry she still feels pain and want will move heaven and earth to help. That you hope you can save your marriage, but that your help not contingent on your staying together.
You can demonstrate commitment by reading How to Help your Spouse heal from an affair:
Go through the points in the book with her and see how each applies to her situation.
Ask her where she is hurting and what you can do to help.
Finding her an individual counselor will help, if nothing else to identify her hurts and needs and how to address them.
From the accounts I've read, successful reconciliations involve the cheater moving heaven and earth to help the betrayed heal and make amends. Failed reconciliations often involve incomplete healing, rugsweeping, or a sense the cheater "got away with it" or "got what they wanted out of the affair" without consequences.
Helping might also involve specialized counselling. From the comments below mentioning mind movies, that may take a specialist in Betrayal Trauma or PTSD.
Chat logs here, removed his num and any revealing personal details and replaced with "brother".
Kelly is my now ex.
Chen or Chen1 is my brothers ex gf who lives in China.
https://hastebin.com/zananogiva
My brother flat out refusing to converse with me, man to man, in front of anybody we know. He wants a polygraph test, as does the ex, knowing how much financially it will set me back, specially as I am trying to save for a new home to move into.
It could be so simple, just make a fool out of me and speak some truth, but none of them can. My brother is accusing of being sick and having sick thoughts, smoking to much weed etc.
He smokes 3x more than I do, huge joints everytime, street weed. I am legal, and medicate for pain reasons. He says I have sick thoughts yet his behaviour has made me question him as a brother. He cannot remember his own lies and forgets he got into my baby mums bed even tho I told him I don't trust him, and my son was crying for his mother that night, he knew it, and never even told her, ends up in her bed, both high on cocaine while I have my son.
I then go find out months later he has my number blocked, while he was calling my ex all the time. He said THAT was a MISTAKE to.
Then I found out another few months later, on the spot, that he has my exs number saved as CHEN1, his gfs or ex gfs name.
His first initial reaction was its a joke, something to do with a deliver driving being Chinese. Now months later he says it was a freak accident, along with having my number blocked.
I am sick for questioning this???
Once a cheater always a cheating . You can forgive her but you must keep 1000% eyes on her , but be careful who search will find , so if you keep not trusting her you will complicate your marriage life , for sure trust will never get back 100% so either you just forget and ignore , or keep on and keep searching .
i suggest if you wanna keep an eye on her is to monitor her cell phone * 90% of cheating can be caught by the cell phone * you can find many online , the one i use and recommend for you is spybunker but be careful if you are not 100% ready dont go for this option you might get hurt again .
cheers
Tracki (2021) Mini GPS Tracker Magnetic. Full USA &Worldwide Coverage. for Vehicles, Car, Kids, Elderly, Child, Dogs & Motorcycles. Small Portable Real time Tracking Device. Monthly fee Required https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07N4DHFZM/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_5MR5YAW3VA2T6EBWMMQ0
Tracki (2021) Mini GPS Tracker Magnetic. Full USA &Worldwide Coverage. for Vehicles, Car, Kids, Elderly, Child, Dogs & Motorcycles. Small Portable Real time Tracking Device. Monthly fee Required https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07N4DHFZM/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_5MR5YAW3VA2T6EBWMMQ0
Tracki (2021) Mini GPS Tracker Magnetic. Full USA &Worldwide Coverage. for Vehicles, Car, Kids, Elderly, Child, Dogs & Motorcycles. Small Portable Real time Tracking Device. Monthly fee Required https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07N4DHFZM/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_5MR5YAW3VA2T6EBWMMQ0
Could use some apps like this on her phone to see. Atleast it will help for you to figure out WTH may be going on. Wouldn't even ask if she's the one cheating because then she'll just start tryna cover up stuff more. Best thing to do is observe. People end up slipping up eventually. Better safe then sorry.
What will really blow your mind is that what you end up discovering is only the tip of the iceberg. Most likely a lot more went on / is going on / will go on that you won't ever find out about.
Most cheaters will most likely never admit to anything unless they're cornered by undeniable evidence - something most of us just can't secure. Eg: They might throw you a bone "Oh we just kissed" or anything to downplay what really happened. They're also usually very convincing liars.
Look my advice to you would be to cut your loss now. Such a woman most likely won't change. I know you won't though. You'll end up staying with her, and if you do - then install this app right now on her phone: https://www.cerberusapp.com/ and find out what you really deserve to know.
But be warned. If you take spying to that level, you're going to be in for a world of hurt, and need to be emotionally strong to take action and leave her ass.
Read this and follow it, for starters.
How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful https://www.amazon.com/dp/145055332X/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_65T106F7VA3A1QSQBS3G
So you recognize what potentially is your part in how she felt but please know that it is not YOUR FAULT that she made the decisions she made to start an affair - emotional or physical.
It isn't' your fault.
They weren't your choices, they were hers and it wasn't one choice. It was a lot of little ones probably starting with not communicating with you about how she felt.
Maybe you can come back from this and maybe you can't. She should go no contact. You should both get separate individual therapists who have training in infidelity to help you though this and then also find a separate couples therapist who is also trained in infidelity to help you come back together as a couple. There is a subreddit that can help you called r/AsOneAfterInfidelity - it can help. I also recommend the following book for both of you. If she will not read it then file for divorce. PERIOD.
The book is worth the read. It has helped a lot of folks I know through times like this.
Don't do the pick me dance though - tell her she has to end it and go no contact and provide you access to everything or you're done. Then BE DONE and actually file for divorce. It's the best thing you can do to get her out of her affair fog and bring her back to reality.
If she's a stay at home mom, have her go back to work - period. Don't divorce her yet - get her back into a job, sit tight and get that squared away and THEN file for divorce once she's working again so that she's able to support herself and you can reduce your support obligations.
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198
No doubt your girlfriends situation is more complex than I (random internet person) can surmise. But your girlfriend expressing her insecurities to you- and you providing adequate reassurance doesn't mean she shouldn't 'follow her gut'. Telling people to ignore their suspicions and hesitancy in uncomfortable positions can still put them at risk of being hurt. It's crucial people learn to protect themselves if they sense danger
Now She Is The Enemy: The Quick Reference Manual it’s time to buy this book.
For The Good Man Whose Wife Just Demanded A Divorce https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08SPJRDML/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_FKEPDBD6EKXCJBYVNA7V
Now She Is The Enemy: The Quick Reference Manual read this.
For The Good Man Whose Wife Just Demanded A Divorce https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08SPJRDML/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_FKEPDBD6EKXCJBYVNA7V
OP, for $40 on Amazon you can get a spycam. It plugs into any wall outlet and simply looks like a short, small plug (with a USB opening on it) that you plug your phone into to charge. HOWEVER, there's a pin-hole that takes a pretty clear and wide angle video of the goings-on in the room when you plug it in.
We used a couple of these in our house in different areas when we were selling it in order to get positive or negative feedback on the house.
Plug one into an outlet that has an unobstructed view of where she spends most of her "phone time" with lover boy. These spy cams also need mini SD cars (nominal charge for these but so well worth it). And the video and audio quality on some of these is amazing!!
Here's one of the many spycams on Amazon under $40:
It's a hell of a lot cheaper than a PI.
Hi! It's called Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. It was originally published in the 80s but was re-released in the early 2000s.
Here's the link on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=women+who+love+too+much&qid=1559757262&s=gateway&sr=8-1
You may also be interested in other books that focus on codependence if you relate to this book. I have found that it really helps to be able to acknowledge, identify, and use strategies to help me get out of the cycle.
I hope this helps!
Maybe this semen test kit will help. Heck, maybe just telling him you’ve ordered it with overnight shipping will get him to confess.
https://www.amazon.com/Semen-Detection-Test-Strips-Infidelity/dp/B00152LYDY
Sorry about that
How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. McDonald
r/https://www.amazon.com/Help-Your-Spouse-Heal-Affair/dp/145055332X
Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Dr. Shirley Glass PhD.
r/https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
>However, I feel I would like to know all of what she's done, down to the most insignifiant or intimate elements. But I also read advices from therapists saying that knowing a lot can be knowing too much, and sexual details especially can hinder the healing partially, or completely.
I would suggest that you read
Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Dr. Shirley Glass PhD.
r/https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
A lot of therapist say that talking about the affair is detrimental. Shirley Glass actually did research on affairs and it has started a change in how infidelity is addressed in the therapy community. However the problem is that the book is only about 15 years old and it contradicts much of what the therapy world believed.
In order to heal you have to know the truth, in order to know the truth you have to talk, you can't just push the affair under the surface and hope for the best. Healing doesn't work that way.
Your job at the level of being boyfriend and girlfriend is to decide if this is someone who will stand beside you for better or worse... who you can trust to put you and your children first.
I think you need to read: https://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Mess-Their-Lives/dp/0060929448
Ok, so you mean the "technicality" of getting married - you are already fully in a relationship with him?
I guess I was just a bit confused and didn't realize that you are further along in your divorce process / new relationship.
Obviously, you need to get divorced before getting remarried.
But, no, divorce and remarriage in a situation such as this where you have been abandoned in your prior marriage is not a sin (assuming, of course, by your statement, that your religion is one that adheres to sin, good, evil, etc.). Affairs, addiction, or abuse in many, if not most, religions is a valid reason to dissolve a marriage. I don't know your religion, of course, nor how strongly you hold to it, but it would be easy enough to research for confirmation.
I'm going out on a limb and guessing Christian - I read a really good book (a friend of a friend knew someone who was related to the pastor that wrote it) that had a chapter on this very question once: https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Quiz-Surprising-Bergstresser-2013-09-10/dp/B01F7XMUG6
https://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Mess-Their-Lives/dp/0060929448
Log this one under: Hero complex - trying to save a broken woman. She may be broken through no fault of her own, or she may have created her own train wreck... but she is functionally broken and you know it.
Are you really up to the challenge of rescuing her from herself? Or do you want a real partner.
You don't have to be cruel to break up with her. But you don't have to be a chump either.
When you break up, however, it is important to remember that she's going to want to cling (texting / calling / etc.) so you need to block her right away.
Even though you aren't exactly in this position, I think you might recognize some behaviors: https://www.chumplady.com/2014/09/the-mindfuck-channel-only-has-three-stations/
This is the stage of your life where you are choosing a life partner. You cannot change who he is. He is showing you who he is. It is up to you to decide how you want to live your life? I highly recommend Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives
https://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Women-Their-Lives/dp/0060976497
Actually all of her 10 Stupid Things books are pretty good!
That's exactly why I am reinforcing what you said. I'm not a religious type (more spiritual than anything), but a friend showed me a book that has a chapter on marriage... The whole books is pretty decent, but the friend was trying to help me out: https://www.amazon.com/Jesus-Quiz-Surprising-Answers-W-W-J-D/dp/1490426140