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A quote that helps me move along "depression is living in the past, anxiety is living in the future and peace is being in the present." What worries you so much? that you'll be forever alone? I don't think that's realistic unless you choose for it to be that way. If you'd like to settle down with someone, have you considered more serious dating sites such as match?
From a single dad perspective. It took me a LONG time to find the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. But, my "criteria" were that they had to have been married before and they had to have kids.
Those two aspects of anyone's life are so important and if you are involved with someone who has no experience with either it will not work.
My GF knows that she is #4 behind my 3 kids. Obviously she is critical to my life, but if a kid breaks a leg...our date night is no longer a priority. And I understand that I am #2 behind her 2 kids.
Assuming you were married, a single person will not understand the intricasies of having been married . Dealing with ex's and baby daddies or mommies will be a common experience for you in a new relationship. No that it shoudl be THE common experience, but having been through it you can be supportive of one another.
Stop being so focused on finding the right one. It will happen. If you are using Match.com or another dating app, play the numbers. Take as many dates as your wallet and schedule will allow. Worst case he is a bore and you wasted 30 minutes in a coffee shop. Middle choice he is a good guy, but not for you and you have now gained a new freind that woudl be fun to play trivia with. Best case, it is THE one. But experience it all.
And a first date tip. ALWAYS offer to pay your share. ALWAYS expect to pay your share. I woudl always insist on paying for the dates when I was dating, but if she did not reach for the wallet and make an attempt...there would be no second one!
Not sure if this is what you were looking for or even helpful...but my two cents!
I know that feeling. I've only been separated from my STBX for 6ish months and I felt that way in the beginning but it has gotten a lot better with time. The feeling of loneliness has drastically decreased. But, more importantly, I have learned to look forward to the times when I don't have her. With all this new free time, I have rediscovered hobbies I used to do all the time, like rock climbing, and really missed. I joined an organization and am pretty active in it. My suggestion is to take the time when you do not have your son and focus on discovering new things about you. Maybe try a new hobby, or check our meetup.com for some local activities you can do. Go the gym, go outside running, try something you have never done before. The more active you are when you son is not around, the better you will be and the quicker you will get used to not having him around all the time. Trust me, it get better with time.
This is a cute book that your son might like - Families, Families, Families! It shows and celebrates families with all kinds of role configurations. Single parents, two same-sex parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.
My daughter's school librarian puts out monthly reading challenges for the kids. One of the themes was families with challenges like "read a book with two same-sex parents". I was mostly looking to introduce my daughter to possibilities outside of traditional nuclear families. Because the reality is families have different configurations.
I’d agree with all of this. I get really nervous letting my lo sleep in the bed with me, so I bought this toddler bed that I just lay on top of my mattress (bed against the wall). That way, she sleeps, I don’t worry about her falling off the bed or suffocating under blankets, and she doesn’t kick me. We both sleep so much better now!
No this is what i used. I put a toddler rail on the one side of the bed (because my bed wasnt against the wall and i didn't have anyone to sleep on the other side) and slept with her in my bed with this.
SwaddleMe By Your Side Sleeper https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00YBADM1O/ref=cm_sw_r_u_apa_fab_bBMFFb5BYY8Q4
She used this until she outgrew it and by that point i felt safer safely co sleeping with her. If i had to do over again i would have never bought a bassinet bc she hardly used it. I only used it as a safe place to swt her down when i showered, but she slept in it maybe a handful of times. I used a pack and play more so much more. A crib was given to me for her room but again she never used it except for some naps during the day she's never slept in it at night.
Edit: wanted to add there are other by the bed co sleepers that like attach next to the bed that don't have baby actually in the bed with you if you don't want baby in the bed with you. The bedsharing saved my sanity.
Find a gaming group? board games or D&D (yes i'm one of those nerds) Nerds are awesome, very welcoming and good people.
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doesn't take much money at all, paper and pencils is all that's needed. with roll20.net and discord you can play through your phone if your town is really small and doesn't have D&D groups ..
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these groups are all about cost free fun, laughter, and adult time.
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for me I go into work and sit in a cubicle with head phones, so barely any real adult interactions, and then a lot of my time is with 3 young kids . so the D&D group gives me a nice block of time with other adults. lots of laughing and good times.
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also *virtual hug* !
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hope you have a great day
My heart is breaking for you. I lost my own husband this way when our daughter was 16 months old. I have a book that’s helped a bit; The Loss That Is Forever: The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother or Father, it’s very thorough. And therapy. I hope your ending it better. I’m praying for you.
You're trauma bonded that's why you're having those feelings but you did the absolute right thing. I had to help put my abusive ex in prison four years ago because of his abusive behavior and ongoing addiction. He served 18 months. I naively thought prison would change him but he came out worse than ever. He acts like our son does not exist, I never received one penny from him, I found out he is currently living with a much older woman just so that he could have a roof over his head and he currently has a warrant out on him for not paying his child support. I was also forced to swallow my pride and ask my parents to help me out with my son who at the time was only 6 weeks old. At the time, we did not have a good relationship. It took some time for us to even be able to speak to each other again but they absolutely adore their grandson. I was also $35,000 in debt so really, I had no choice. I lost everything. My apartment, 80% of my possessions, my job, my friends, my dignity. Four years later, and my son and I are at a much better place now than ever. DM me if you ever need someone to talk to. But you will be ok! See if you can find support groups in your area for survivors of narcissistic abuse. I personally found one through meetup.com Sending you and your daughter lots of hugs and light!
This is a great book to read to your kids and they have other books as they get older.
It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends
Age appropriate sex education should start from a very young age (eg with being able to name body parts, modelling when you don’t consent to something, etc).
I think maybe work from a book like this:
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763644846
It’s designed for ages 10 and up. They do make other books for younger children. You could let him read it himself (check if his reading skills are enough to comprehend on his own) or you or his mother could read it to him.
If it is US sex education in school, it usually isn’t sufficient enough.
Have you tried a baby swing? We had one that did the four-way rocking motion and it was great. We used it all the way up until she was too big for a swing. I don’t remember the exact brand I had but it was similar to this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08K2G5WK7/ref=cm_sw_r_api_i_NXY86KXRB2XN71ZGXMTM_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I've used something similar since my kid was 6 months old. I now never use the stroller as he enjoys this more and I enjoy it more. Radio Flyer Deluxe EZ Fold 4-in-1 Stroll 'N Trike, Red https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D4D84KJ/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_6S9B21M8QZVKNWBNPW0Y
Would recommend this book:
It covers a lot of these very common issues. Also, could be helpful to check out r/blendedfamilies.
A few suggestions would include (if you’re not already doing this): ensuring there is plenty of separate bio parent and bio child bonding time, connection forming activities between your bf and leaving discipline solely to you and not your bf. Also, it’s hard, but he has to find a way to not take it personally and not show that it upsets him. It is completely normal for children to feel this way when someone new moved in. He has to try to stay positive and keep trying. Withdrawing from your daughter or being resentful will make it worse.
Good luck!
I agree with everything else mentioned. I cannot stress enough thinking about what you need to take care of yourself. I love to meal prep so I had about 2 weeks of food made up (frozen) but ready to be thrown in the oven with no effort. You are going to be tired!
If you don’t like to cook, think about how you will get get nutrients/hydration on the fly… sounds silly, but the first month or two - maybe longer - little Natalie will have a lot of needs that need to be met - quickly - and you’re the one dad!
Also, having a wearable baby wrap was key!! My son was so colic, but being able to swaddle him on my chest and walk around with him was very comforting for him - and I could actually get stuff done - like clean up! wearable baby wrap
Stock pile diapers and wipes - I had over 1000 when my son came and didn’t have to buy any for six months. It was one less thing to worry about
Swaddles are key! They will teach you how at the hospital if you don’t know, but these Black Pearl Swaddles are amazing. They are a little pricey but worth it - only thing that my son could fall asleep with - it got to the point once I laid him down to be swaddled he would close his eyes and relax - like a prompt to go to sleep..
Great news is - everywhere ships now, so if you do forget something you don’t even have to leave your house - yay!!
Have fun with Natalie - enjoy every second, it goes by so fast (so cliche) but you’re gonna miss it when it’s gone so cuddle that little one up 🥰
I think maybe teaching your kids about their bodies without asking such specific/leading questions will help you feel less anxious and will also give your kids the language they need to ask for help. My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes is a great book and it has a section for parents to read. It’s interactive and your kids can practise yelling the responses which makes it fun and gives them more power.
Girl, that sucks, I’m so sorry. But I guess we can say at least your kids are definitely loved, even by strangers. Sell some of the useless toys and get yourself something that makes you happy!
Also, just put a bottle of stain remover on top of the laundry hampers. Spray, throw in the hampers, and just wait til you have time to do the whole pile. It’s 100x more effective than spraying right before washing. I found this brand the best. Ain’t no one gonna judge your kid’s clothes after this.
The Feelings Book. There's also a companion journal. It seems a little hokey, but it really helped my oldest when she went through this stage. s
My son gets his first cellphone when he was 9 yr. Now he is 12 yr. He can call me anytime he wants. A parental control app was installed on his phone to check his activities and keep his safety.
Co-parenting was tough for me in the beginning. My 15 yr son lives with the ex. I'm always on business trips so that I cannot spend enough time with my son. The relationship is tense sometimes. The ex also has a busy job, so the boy often stays at home alone. For communication convenience, I bought him a cell phone. But the ex is cautious about the uncertainty of a teenager using a cellphone. To make sure that he uses the phone safely, the ex installed a parental control app on the phone. And the ex also gives me an access to the logs which are recorded on the son's phone. In this way, I've never felt so close to my son than ever. Whenever potential problems appear, the ex or I can know in time and talk to the boy to avoid or solve the problems. Co-parenting needs patience, and care.
I have 2 girls (6 & 4) & totally know what you are going through (separated for the last couple of months & hopefully everything will be finalized next month!) On bath nights I always wash & condition their hair (I use tigi shampoo & conditioner...smells good & I think they do a better job than other stuff). Before bed I use a wet brushes & spray The Honest Company Conditioning Detangler if needed...the girls love sweet orange vanilla and this shit is amazing!!! In the mornings I will do the same thing before school...spray their hair everywhere & brush. Get yourself some of this...you can find it on Amazon (link below) & it will change your world! I even keep some in the car just in case. LOVE HAVING GIRLS...LONG HAIR & ALL....THEY ARE THE BEST!
Our youngest was in the NICU as a premie and they had us use a dimethicone Peri Spray cleanser and lotion on each change. It worked great for cleaning up #2's and protecting the skin.
We brought home at least one bottle, then I used some dimethicone based lotions when we ran out. But that stuff really kept the rash away. https://www.amazon.com/Baza-Cleanse-Protect-Perineal-Lotion/dp/B004Q6WR1E
One of the very best things I discovered as a single Mom - paid movers! It is amazing & SO worth the money! You just pack everything that can fit in boxes, label the room. Then a team of strong young folks do all the heavy lifting & moving, up & down stairs. They pack up their truck, drive over, then put everything where you want it. The most work I have to do is to point to where I want each piece of furniture & each box. I would recommend it to anyone! I haven't moved states, just locally, so I'm sure that costs a bit more. But a local move of just my & my son's stuff only took about 3 hours at $75/hour + a nice tip for each mover. It was so stress free! If you have the means, hiring a cleaning service for move-out cleaning is amazing too. Another tip - you can usually find free moving boxes on Craigslist, local facebook groups, etc from people who have just moved. I'm a big fan of color coded moving box labels too - like these. Even easier for the movers to get every box in the right room.
I think that would depend on the wall you’re hanging the mirror on. If it’s solid brick, I’d say you would need a drill and rawl plugs, if it’s plasterboard, maybe not. Would you consider those double sided stickers or tape? Like this kind of thing? Nano Adhesive Tape,Multipurpose Transparent Double Sided No-Trace Removable Glue Tape,Washable Strong Sticky Wall Tape Strips Transparent Tape Poster Carpet Tape for Paste Items,Household (10FT) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B088GWWWVW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_lI89Fb5QZK7FS
Last year I got my 4 yr old niece a gift that I read about in a book that was about encouraging creativity in children: it’s juggling scarves. They are made of silk and super bright colors and they are sort of floaty. I don’t know what it is about these scarves but like all the cousins were jealous that she got this gift and they all still want to play with them all the time! And they’re less than $10. Here’s a link:
Jmkcoz 12pcs Square Juggling Silk Dance Scarves Magic Tricks Performance Props Accessories Movement Scarves Rhythm Band Scarf 24 by 24 Inches 6 Colors https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G1QQOS8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabt1_HuXUFb24XV4VM
Also, my daughter is turning 4 in March and I’ve been secretly working on this gift: an antique-y looking suitcase that I’m filling with all sorts of dress up clothes like frilly dresses, colorful things, silky things, etc. It’s all from the thrift store which is bonus.
And, just a bunch of coloring books and markers? Or stickers?
I went through something similar with my daughter recently. She learned how to walk so I went out and bought her some sneakers. She would absolutely NOT walk in them. She would just stand in one place or get down and crawl whenever she wore rhem.
Apparently since she was used to having bare feet while walking, stiff shoes were a difficult transition. That's when I ordered a pair of shoes with a more flexible sole. I put them on her and she was walking in them right away. Once she got used to that, she was even able to walk in her sneakers.
Here's a link to the shoes I got for her to give you a better idea of what I'm talking about. I hope this helps!
TLDR; my baby did the same thing in her sneakers. It turned out that she just needed a more flexible shoe to start with.
I faced the same problem for my beautiful 6 year old daughter. Once the schools re-opened there came complaint of lice on her head.
The over-the-counter lice treatment medicines I used were of no good and they also called rashes on her sensitive scalp. Then I came across a natural head lice treatment oil on Amazon website. Apply it for 20 minutes and rinse it. A rough combing with nit comb was required after that. All the dead lice were to be seen on her pink towel and nits stuck in comb were seen. The best part is the nits, remained in hair, never hatched. They were washed off with subsequent hair washes.
Please see link to purchase LiceNil - an amazing lice removal product.
https://www.amazon.com/Lice-Nil-Lice-Eggs-Eliminator-Ounce/dp/B00OXZGQRE
I just bought two books when this topic came up a day or two ago. I like using books with awkward/difficult subjects.
It's NOT the Stork by Robie Harris. My daughter is 5 so we're probably going to go through it in small chunks, but it's a very truthful, honest approach to that question. I was going to get the Meg Hickling book, but this one was published more recently.
A couple general things I've found life-saving
For cleaning
-Robot self-cleaning vacuum. I didn't have the budget for an expensive roomba. I watched a million review videos of dirt cheap ones because I didn't want to get one that fit my budget but couldn't actually clean. Consensus best one for my budget was the link below. Powerful and efficient little guy for under $200 bucks. Love just turning him on kicking up my feet and watching my floors get cleaned. hhttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07L2YB8NW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
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For errands delivery is king. Instead of dealing with tantrums, chasing after her in the grocery store, or demanding she be held while shopping etc etc I switched to getting everything delivered. Life saver
-Groceries ...delivered same day via Amazon
-Other needed amenities... delivered same day via InstaCart
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Other recommendations would probably be more child age-group specific, how old are your kids?
This may be cost prohibitive but most "smart watches" will have a feature that lets you remotely take a picture.
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combine that with a cheap tripod : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IDL3Z3Q/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_lJ9FDbDR1FE0B
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and you're in business! I've had terrible luck with the timer function in my phones camera .
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also i tend to just take pics/vids of my kids. i remember what i look like. also if you have more than 1 kid. let them have a turn taking the pictures and you can get you+ kid pictures that way :)
She needs firm boundaries.
My daughter is like this too. And if you're like me, you're having a hell of a time some days even getting dressed much less putting dinner on the table and dealing with all the things.
Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child
This book helped me immensely. They want to know that when you say something you mean it. They will constantly test those boundaries. And your nerves. But it gets better. Sometimes she believes me when I tell her I'm going to set the timer if she doesn't stop doing X. And then I don't even have to set the timer because she already knows mom means business.
You could save money in less than a month with cloth diapers. I have a friend who does cloth diapers.