What are /r/TalkTherapy's favorite Products & Services?

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If you have abuse or neglect in your background, your disconnection from your body and others could be due to that, rather than from a neurodevelopmental disorder you were born with. It's worth thinking about. Kids who don't learn emotional language and who aren't taught to listen to the signals bodies and identify feelings have a kind of blindness. A very good book is The Body Keeps The Score, which has a chapter that addresses alexithymia.

"Many traumatized children and adults simply cannot describe what they are feeling because they cannot identify what their physical sensations mean. They may look furious but deny that they are angry; they may appear terrified but say that they are fine. Not being able to discern what is going on inside their bodies causes them to be out of touch with their needs, and they have trouble taking care of themselves, whether it involves eating the right amount at the right time or getting the sleep they need."

I understand completely how you feel. I left my therapist 6 months ago because I fell stone cold in love with her. First time I saw her I almost said, I'm gonna get my shit together and call you in six months. But I had such a connection. She changed my life. I have never felt anyone's presence so strongly in their absence. But they live on a different plane and it's really tricky because a therapist is not nor should not be at a complete interpersonal remove.

I confessed and it was the most intimate moment I've ever had with another human being. The only thing I didn't tell her was that Match.com kept trying to put us together and our social circles overlapped just enough to drive me insane. But you should tell your therapist because that openness in itself is enormously healing.

So I have two choices: I can stalk her, or I can align myself so someone with her qualities manifests. I'm thinking the latter might be the better choice.

No problem! If you want to do some reading, I recommended No Bad Parts by Dick Schwartz (the founder of IFS) and It's Not Always Depression by Hillary Jacobs Hendel. Hendel worked closely with the founder of AEDP, Diana Fosha, and that book is a really good entry into AEDP without the psychology jargon. It's a GREAT "Emotions 101" book.

I feel similarly, I constantly feel inferior to others and no matter how far I go, its never enough. I am still so behind everyone and where I want to be, it sometimes feels pointless.

I don't really have that many words of wisdom since I struggle with it myself but here is an article I go to from time to time when I am feeling down: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/to-anyone-who-thinks-theyre-falling-behind_b_9190758

Is it possible to do it outside somewhere that might be a bit secluded? (Thinking like the park and you can hotspot from your phone?)

Another thought is buying a white noise machine, which might not be possible. They can be pretty cheap and most therapists use them in their office. You’d just turn it on and set it just outside the door wherever you are.

This one is $14.

This one is $20.

Last thought I have is to think about why this feels so important (it IS important, but why?). If your sister hears, what would happen? Do you think she might tell people/parents/friends? If she did, how would you respond? It’s not paranoid to think someone might be listening in to your phone call when she clearly sits outside the door. It just might be important to figure out what could happen and how you might respond. Is there anyone in your household (a parent, etc) that might be able to help you keep her away during your calls?

Your experience is not typical of psychotropics. It sounds like your psychiatrist is ensuring you don’t have serotonin syndrome by giving you bupropion instead. That would be the only plausible physical explanation for those symptoms.

Oh god. That’s my nightmare - putting stuff up on zoom like that. /shudder

I use DayOne. I do pay for a subscription but even the free version is pretty damned good. I used the free one for several months before I committed. It’s been almost a year now since I’ve been paying (it’s about to renew so I know for sure) and I have zero regrets).

https://dayoneapp.com

This article from the Mayo Clinic calls it an extension of pms. So some experts do see it as a stronger version of pms.

Also be aware of how ardently this company scours the internet for negative reviews, and the censorship attempt. They respond on Reddit threads as well (not often, at least overtly, but it does happen). On any thread detailing a negative experience, chances are some of the posts invalidating it are damage control.

Just today they attempted to censor a negative review on TrustPilot (this one), flagging it for "illegal and harmful content". TrustPilot restored it, as they did all the other reviews BH flagged and attempted to remove. By reading it, there is nothing illegal or harmful; just this person's genuine experience. The cherry on the cake is that they falgged it after the user responded to their response, their response starting with "our team does care". Very few people, if any, update their reviews after receiving their typical "we're sorry, we care, let us help" corporate nonsense. This person did and they didn't like it.

Their BBB page has been "updating" for about a month. Some of the complaints were horror stories (good thing I saved about a third, in case they disappear after this update is completed). Many people have turned to BBB to resolve complaints after BH's customer service ignored them completely (you can still do it by the way, but it's not visible on the site at the moment).

I also sometimes use Live Transcribe (Android) to get my thoughts out. It doesn't save anything between uses, so I just temporarily see what I said (or close enough, it's not always accurate).

This is a good workbook I’ve used with my clients: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1626258457/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1.

I also tend to recommend Brene Brown’s books. She gives a good perspective on life and finding your strengths.

Also, if you are going to university/college, most schools offer free counseling sessions to students.

If you are able to buy this book it’s written by the women who invented the emdr technique and it talks about all of the coping mechanisms and you can sort of teach yourself so you don’t have to wait a month -

Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609619951/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5ibxFb3HHRZ55

You are looking for Internal Family Systems.

/r/internalfamilysystems

If you want books:

• Jay Earley. Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy/dp/0984392777

• Richard Schwartz. No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model https://www.amazon.com/No-Bad-Parts-Restoring-Wholeness/dp/1683646681/

I am very sorry that you were treated like this. This must feel so horrible.

>All in all it's lead me to believe that therapists in general just don't understand suicide and aren't properly trained to engage with suicidal patients. I'm very sorry that you were a casualty of this messed up system.

I would say too many therapists are poorly trained to work with suicidality and fail to understand how they might help. However, I think you do both therapists and clients in need of treatment a disservice by generalizing to say "all therapists just don't understand".

There are people who were trained to help with suicidality and who do target the suffering at the root of it. (If you want to read how they approach this, look no further than the subreddits for therapists and see.) The book usually recommended is https://www.amazon.com/Suicide-Psychache-Clinical-Approach-Self-Destructive/dp/0876681518 .

Unfortunately, I do not know how to find the therapists who disproof your generalization. You might want to filter out people who use very directive modalities only, but beyond that, I think you need some luck.

You might appreciate this book - I think it does a good job of digging into a lot of things that can lead to depression beyond a pure "chemical imbalance" theory -

https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X

I am going to recommend a book that I personally think everyone should read before starting therapy, or even after they've started.

There is a well-researched theory that postulates that when we go through difficult experiences in our childhoods, we can end up developing entrenched unhealthy patterns of thinking, feeling, an acting as adults. In this model these are called schemas. There is a model of therapy based on this called Schema Therapy.

The psychologists who developed this model also wrote a book for the average person. It has a questionnaire in the front of the book. This helps you identify what your core schemas are. Then there is a chapter on each one that guides you on ways to work on changing it. The title is cheesy, but just ignore that. The material is very solid.

Essentially, it gives you a road map for how your particular early life experiences connect to the unhealthy patterns in your adult life. This is the type of stuff that can take months or longer to sort out in therapy. Which is fine. But if you are someone who wants a jumpstart, or more of a sense of structure or focus, this would be a great thing to bring in to your therapist to use as a starting point.

I recommend the book because it has the questionnaire, but this article, written by one of the creators of the model, gives a nice overview.

It might be a bit jarring to open like that, but it’s an important issue to discuss. One book which might be helpful is Come As You Are which is a book by a Sex researcher. It’s written a little simple, but it’s got some good info there that might help your discussions be a little bit more fruitful

I mean, it could be a lot of different things. Maybe you internalized self-criticism from parents and teachers. Maybe you have toxic shame based on things that happened in your childhood. Maybe deep down you think self-compassion will make you weak or selfish. Maybe you are a perfectionist and maybe that developed based on your childhood experiences. Maybe your self-criticism is fulfilling some type of purpose. For example for me I try to use self-criticism as motivation. So the part of me that is not being self-compassionate does have a positive intention - it wants me to exercise, socialize, etc but it's just using a really harsh strategy. Maybe your self-criticism is protecting you from uncomfortable memories or emotions. Maybe you are scared of getting better. Maybe your therapist goals are not in line with your goals and that's why things are not progressing and it would be better to focus on other issues.

It's really on you and your therapist to investigate why you are so resistant to self-compassion what the source of that is. Some type of parts work would probably be an effective way to do that. You could also start by finding compassion for the fact that you are having a hard time with self-compassion, and give yourself some encouragement and comfort for so strongly needing to be self-critical.

If you would like some resources on self-compassion, I have found The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook by Tim Desmond and The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer to be extremely helpful. You could do a workbook on your own or with your therapist.

Especially because you already are practicing self-compassion, I think finding an IFS therapist could be super helpful. It can be so deeply transformative, and one of the main points of focus in IFS trainings is therapists checking their own stuff when working with clients, so that may be helpful because you have gotten the overwhelmed reaction before. Trauma is one of the main things it’s used for so an IFS therapist should be pretty fairly comfortable working with severe trauma.

It helps by bringing your adult self into the traumatic memory to be the person that you needed when you were in that situation. The T could guide you to provide some of that spontaneous self-compassion to your younger self and the parts of you that had to go through that.

It focuses on healthy attachment with your own parts/younger self and re-parenting yourself, so I think especially because the attachment work has been so helpful for you I think that it could be a good fit.

Here is a directory for IFS practitioners: https://ifs-institute.com/practitioners Also, Googling for a therapist who uses “parts work” may be helpful too as that is sometimes used as another name for IFS.

I also really recommend the book Transcending Trauma by Frank Anderson, and any podcasts he is on. https://www.amazon.com/Transcending-Trauma-Healing-Complex-Internal/dp/1683733975 there are lots of podcasts available on IFS, and in many they will do a session with someone. Those may be helpful while you are on the search to finding a therapist. Wishing you all the best 💜

Hey dude, That was quite the story. Clinician here with Schizoid tendencies of my own. Have you checked out the book: https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Narcissistic-Schizoid-Adaptations-Admiration/dp/1537334220?

It has some interesting considerations that you might find interesting, as well as therapeutic explorations that might suit you.

I had the best luck with drama therapy groups. From one schizoid to another, maybe you need to get out of your own world and try to work with some others?

Can I recommend a book to you? I highly recommend this:

https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Treating-Chronic-Shame-Neurobiological/dp/1138831204

Watercolours are so fun!!!

I feel like you would enjoy watercolour crayons (I love them), they are crayon shaped paints, that you can physically colour with like a crayon, then if you add water, it will turn into watercolour right on the paper! :)

Like this.

Those are a little expensive, but I've used them and they are divine <3

I am thinking I should go home and find my old sketch books and pick up drawing again, as I love to draw and colour. :)

T here. Ok, so if your T you make her tired and she doesn’t really care, I would definitely ask her to talk more about that with her if you choose to stay with her. I am not saying she was ethical here. It’s normal to have a “breach” in the therapeutic relationship from time to time and then you work through it together, which is also a part of teaching you skills to use in other relationships in your life.

You said you have BPD and you said you were calling your friend 7-8 times a day and you recognized that you get paranoid. This behavior is classic BPD. I don’t know if your T has been guiding you with DBT?

DBT is a great tool for BPD because it helps you understand your thoughts, behaviors, and actions. It goes into through all those classic BPD behaviors, like obsessing over things, having paranoid thoughts, trauma bonding, etc.. There’s a great workbook by Marsha Linehan on DBT Skills Training that I use with my clients that have BPD. It has worksheets and each section builds on the previous sections so you can start implementing the skills in your life. Here is the link for it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=3F1EGL5PUMQWN&amp;keywords=linehan+dbt+skills+training+manual&amp;qid=1654835435&amp;sprefix=linehan+%2Caps%2C177&amp;sr=8-4

Best of luck to you.

I'll try to keep this brief:

CBT focuses on refraiming our thoughts/thought processes. Like, changing negative self-talk into bridge statements.

DBT is made up of mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance.

When it comes to Asperger's/Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) it is found that traditional CBT isn't very helpful. One of the reasons is that part of CBT is to realise that our anxiety isn't based in facts. But: For many Autistics and other ND (neurodivergent) people our anxieties are based in fact. We have been excluded, harmed, etc. for being who we are. So trying to refraim those anxious thoughts as irrational isn't going to work. But if the therapist understands neurodiversity and/or ASD and adapts their CBT approach it can be very helpful.

So far for general info.

On a personal note: I'm autistic and I find learning DBT skills very helpful. I'm currently working my way through this workbook, which has been designed by an ND person, for ND people: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09S9JBS8G/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_6SMB23DY410N79SQV7S6 In therapy my T also uses CBT at times, but in modified ways. She is also ND (ADHDer) and has a lot of understanding about neurodiversity, ASD and ADHD in particular.

Oh wow, I am just about to get on that as well, but in a Low Dose protocol. Are you doing the shot or?

I'm happy to hear it's had a positive effect. Drinking is one reason I am going on it, but also because there is evidence endogenous opiate dysregulation plays a broader role in BPD as well.

I read a book written for survivors and abusers alike called It Wasn’t Your Fault and I noticed it had a lot of exercises for abusers that looked like they would be up your alley.

This is certainly a tricky thing, and I have so much compassion for those wanting to be curious about their harmful behavior and to work to understand the ways they've coped that have hurt others.

Holding so much compassion for the extra struggle involved in seeking support.

I might recommend looking for a therapist with advanced training in Internal Family Systems theory, it's a model of therapy that explores our relationships within ourselves - and how parts function together as part of our self system.

It emphasizes developing awareness of a compassionate, curious, calm, centered Self that can look at managing, exiled, and protective (aka firefighter) parts of self and the relationships between.

A strong, solid, compassionate self will be needed to hold parts of you with care as you do this work. A framework that gets curious rather than judgemental about behavior is essential, and I think this modality is one that might be useful.

Richard Schwartz (founder of IFS) has a book that might be a good starting point.

https://www.amazon.ca/No-Bad-Parts-Restoring-Wholeness/dp/1683646681/ref=asc_df_1683646681/?tag=googlemobshop-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=459680899093&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=13912282967196978395&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&am...

Wishing you healing and wholeness and compassion as you work to find safety within yourself.

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms/dp/0553062182/ref=nodl_

Author is Elaine Aron. Lots of good stuff just on the internet as well, but I would recommend the book. There’s a companion workbook that I haven’t touched yet but it looks helpful as well.

Is it possible to be in a structured eating disorder program and get psychodynamic individual therapy?

My understanding is that certain conditions, such as eating disorders require a structured program, which may not be available from a talk therapist from any orientation.

There is literature about psychodynamic ED tx. Here is one, but there are more:

https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Therapy-Amount-and-Outcome-of-Inpatient-Treatment-a-K%C3%A4chele-Kordy/3b47e1829e27d8ac8da8a64830df78b4f015d19a

I would be more concerned about the experience and training rather of the therapist , no matter the orientation. ED is particularly dangerous and you want to make sure you are in well qualified hands.

You're not effed up! I've had issues with anger and self-blame myself. A couple things that have helped me are the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (an easy read) and a DBT skills book--all about mindfulness, emotional regulation, communication in relationships, and distress tolerance (coping with not feeling good). https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Matthew-McKay/dp/1572245131

And telling someone to be kind to themself isn't enough. Telling them to do mindfulness isn't enough. Of course it's a two-way street. T needs to do a good job introducing these ideas, and client needs to trust that the T knows what they're talking about and try their best to commit to these strategies for a time to see if they work.

https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Matthew-McKay/dp/1572245131

Yeah, the goal of therapy is not to be in therapy...but when you're READY and know how to self regulate and can deal with challenges in the real world alone, without the support of a therapist.

My therapist give me some excerpts from Selfhood by Terry Lynch. It's been tremendous in helping me identify my lack of self, boundaries, etc which lead to my anxiety and breakdown.

Yes! I have experience with this. I tend to dissociate a little during sessions, especially if they're intense. My T has gotten really good at spotting me "checking out" and she'll just be like, "are you with me?" mid-sentence. I think for me it's partially related to trauma and partially related to undiagnosed ADHD. Anyway, what has been helpful for me during sessions is keeping a fidget toy in my hand. There are many - fidget spinners, fidget cubes, but this one is my favorite: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06ZYY3Z3S/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_FP7NYYA5H8ZDBY1QWNWH?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

I self harm but I've never done it during a session (I also have remote sessions). I'm sorry you were feeling like that. I definitely think you should tell her - maybe the two of you can come up with a plan together if you're feeling overwhelmed during a session. If it helps at all, I sometimes get super overwhelmed and anxious during sessions so I always have a fidget toy handy. I don't know if this would be helpful to you. I have a few of them, but this one in the link below is my favorite. Some sessions I'm playing with it from start to finish. It helps me focus and channel some of my anxiety. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06ZYY3Z3S/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_CFB0J5F9WCRRX6VAQ6YX

I got a shadow work journal on Amazon that has prompts that are very direct. It's been very helpful.

This book is awesome and perfect for a new therapist. It's written by the girl from the tv show the middle. I gave it to one of my therapists and she loved it!

https://smile.amazon.com/Emotionary-Dictionary-Words-Exist-Feelings/dp/0448493845/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&amp;keywords=emotionary&amp;qid=1633117728&amp;sr=8-2

This pairs well with it!

There’s also /r/InternalFamilySystems although it’s not incredibly active, there’s some good stuff there.

Anything written by Richard Schwartz is a good bet, though it’s not specially for trauma.

if youre looking specifically for information for systemic dissociation related to trauma, i very highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X/ref=nodl_ it was incredibly validating for me.

I am diagnosed with CPTSD and a dissociative disorder. My therapist wont label the dissociative disorder but…/shrug. We both know what happens when I talk about specific traumatic events or specific periods of my life. She’s seen my journals when I write about it. It’s pretty clear what my reality is. I have DID or OSDD type 1a.

I'd be really upset if I felt cornered and pushed too far in therapy. For me personally that would be enough to find someone else, especially if it hadn't felt useful or productive up to that point.

Therapy got a lot more productive for me after I did a lot of reading and had a foundation of knowledge under my work with the therapist. My starting place place for psycho education was "the body keeps the score." Everyone should read that book and, based on what you wrote with your history, it might really change your perspective on your own life and mental health. You can also listen to the audiobook version.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_RGSKFZ0QMFK2XP9TYC4D

I strongly suggest you read, or better, study REBT, this is a good one https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006C3QA3U/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i16 but virtually any book by Alber Ellis would do, and the Wikipedia entry would give you some insights https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy .

There are a fee presuppositions that you have:

1. You believe that crying in these situations is ok and healtjy
2. You believe that you cannot do it, despite #1 above
3. You believe that this makes therapy very difficult...

Maybe you're right, maybe you're not. REBT would say that the fact that you're inflexible in those beliefs is the problem.

You seem to misunderstand what it means to be an introvert.

1. a must - quick - read https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/myths-about-introverts-and-extroverts
2. a longer read https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

POLYVAGAL THEORY

• The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation - Deb Dana and Steven W. Porges | Dana, D., & Porges, S. W. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. W.W. Norton et Company. Amazon Link

POETRY

• The Analyst: Poems - Molly Peacock | Peacock, M. (2017). The Analyst: Poems. W.W. Norton &amp; Company. Amazon Link

GRAPHIC NOVELS

• Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama - Alison Bechdel | Bechdel, A. (2013). Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama. Mariner Books. Amazon Link

• The EC Archives: Psychoanalysis - Dan Keyes and Robert Bernstein | Keyes, D., Bernstein, R., Kamen, J., Severin, M., &amp; Burden, B. (2020). Psychoanalysis, The Complete Series. Dark Horse Books. Amazon Link

EXISTENTIAL

• Existential Psychotherapy - Irvin D. Yalom | Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy. Basic Books. Amazon Link

• Man’s Search for Meaning - Victor Frankl | Frankl, V. E., Lasch, I., Kushner, H. S., & Wnislade, W. J. (2015). Man's Search for Meaning. Beacon Press. Amazon Link

EFT

• Hold Me Tight - Sue Johnson | Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown. Amazon Link

Imo, the cheapest and easiest is to put the little sound machines in the hallway. Everywhere (decent) that I've worked had these: https://www.amazon.com/Marpac-Machine-Non-Looping-Privacy-Therapy/dp/B07TK18KC2/ref=sr_1_15?dchild=1&amp;keywords=sound+machine&amp;qid=1619457620&amp;rdc=1&amp;sr=8-15

The cheapest and easiest method would be to cover the wall to the hallway with sound proof panels like these https://www.amazon.com/Acoustic-Soundproofing-Cancelling-Insulation-Absorbing/dp/B08562K79L/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?dchild=1&amp;keywords=sound+proof&amp;qid=1619370122&amp;sr=8-1-spons&amp;psc=1&amp;spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExWjlMMkxSVEMxRUpXJm...

You have not failed at therapy. Therapy is collaborative and you have to click with the therapist and the conditions have to be right for it to work. I know it feels like she does not care, but it is very plausible that she asked you not to return because therapy in that configuration is not only blocking your progress, but potentially harming you.

Transference can be very healing, but sometimes transference can be so intense that it becomes counterproductive. People sometimes have to go to another therapist to work through the transference. It sounds like maybe the transference you were experiencing was making it impossible for you to be open, and that was derailing therapy.

I think you should seek a different therapist and work on what happened there with the transference. There are great books that can serve as an adjunct to healing. Pete Walker's book on Complex Post-traumatic Stress is great and designed to give you tools for working both with and without a therapeutic relationship. Ultimately, however, for those of us with child abuse histories, the therapeutic relationship is the best way to heal because the relationship itself, aside from the work, is healing. I would look for a trauma-informed therapist.

>Are there books or manuals on treating separation anxiety or I guess attachment trauma?

My therapist let me barrow this book from her when we were talking about attachment issues:

https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Psychotherapy-David-J-Wallin-ebook/dp/B005DIASJM

HMOs are an absolute pain, especially those that are so restrictive! It’s great that you’re feeling trusting with your therapist. It’s as important as any specific treatment style you’ll participate in. That said, EMDR is great for dealing with the physiological reactivity of trauma. There’s amazing research showing how body gets “stuck in the body.” Meaning, that our muscles and sensory system recall more of the trauma than our memories, and that’s exactly what EMDR will address.

With that said, recovery is not a straight line and takes its own route with each driver. Always reach out to emergency services if you feel like you may harm yourself. You’ve made it this far, so there is something you are doing that’s working.

There’s an amazing book called “Trauma and Recovery.[Trauma and Recovery](www.amazon.com/dp/0465061710/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_xk31FbXW16QDJ)” it’s an inspiration and resource for anyone who has dealing with the outcome of a traumatic event.

Have a look at Robert Muller's books on how he treats avoidant clients with attachment/relational/intrafamilial trauma - in them he gives case examples of clients (some very citical of therapy, and who initally think it*s bullshit etc), and he explains how modern neurobiology informs his treatment. I used to think talk therapy was useless, too, but over time and with the scientific reading I've done it changed and I got help.

Trauma and the Struggle to Open Up: From Avoidance to Recovery and Growth by Robert Muller

https://www.amazon.com/-/de/gp/product/B0784V8WJB/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 Trauma and the Avoidant Client: Attachment-Based Strategies for Healing (Norton Professional Books) by Robert Muller

https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Avoidant-Client-Attachment-Based-Professional/dp/0393705730

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I'm saving this thread so I can respond better in the morning (midnight for me here) but for sleep I wanted to reccomended an app that I was introduced to during a CBT for insomnia course I took.

Tbh, I stopped using it months ago and am realizing I need to get into those habits again

Here's the link to it on the Google play store, it also has an apple version available

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=gov.va.mobilehealth.ncptsd.cbti

You're not. If you have to do this, your therapist sucks and you're not going to get any help. Not from the therapist, at least. Simple as that. So if therapy can't presently work for you, maybe people can. And if you don't have people in your life right now that you can turn to, maybe Reddit is the place to talk to someone. If you'd rather it be more anonymous and more therapy focused than Reddit, I know of another app that is free and is for social therapy. It's called TalkLife actually and is probably popular simply because apps like Talkspace exists. You might try that instead until you find a therapist that actually wants to provide therapy.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.bearpty.talklife

There are android apps that connect you to therapists that charge set rates. This would be phone and app based only therapy, however. Talkspace, for instance, does this. The rates are pre-set. So you can search for something within your budget. It has a low android user rating but I know three separate people who have used it with success. You might have to fib a little about where you live, but that kind of fib never hurt anyone.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.talkspace.talkspaceapp

If you’d like to read more about it, this book is written by the women who discovered it and it explains all of the tools you would get taught about before you actually start, and a lot more about how it works but in a much more easily digested format.

Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609619951/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RdyqFbMAMWB71

I bought this book at Chapter’s Indigo to help recover from the narcissistic relationship between my mother and I. It has helped me immensely in understanding her own trauma and then generating her upbringing on me in a toxic co-dopendant way.

I highly suggest looking into it. They also have the audible version on audible.ca

The Codependency Recovery Plan

For me, I honestly just need her to be silent and let it run its course. It's a trauma response, I know that, but it doesn't stop it from taking control every now and then. She'll sometimes try to remind me that I'm safe now or ask me to describe or think of a time when I've felt safe.

All that being said, I've found my best solutions internally. Paying attention to what I'm feeling in my body is big. I usually pull my knees in and press my forehead to me knee, that always helps. I also LOVE and squeeze this acupuncture ball. It's really pointy and hard to squeeze but that's sorta the point. The sharpness brings me back to feeling my body.

Try Schema Therapy - it’s kind of a compromise between skills-based therapy and psychodynamic therapy. I have found it really effective, because it talks about why you have the issues you do and where they came from, and only then uses skills to cope with and help heal the issues. This is a good book to learn a bit about it - just ignore the extremely dated cover and clickbaity title, idk what their publisher was thinking.

Oof. Well I guess that is probably closer to what I feel like than a "live adult working," which is what i would like. :P Thanks for sharing the lil reddit countertransference there.

In terms of that quote -- it's funny, because it's no longer a paranoid "cannot trust, all people are evil, he's lying because he wants to use me somehow," it's become, "he's not lying per se; HE doesn't know he's not being honest: his conscious intentions are caring, but his actions are communicating something different than his words. Which means there is a terrifying truth under there that will come out and hurt me, in the end."

Basically when he lets me down in these tiny ways, i see it as a parapraxis revealing that unconsciously he does resent me. it doesn't help that my parents gave me &quot;Freud for Beginners&quot; as a small child. that really reinforced my worldview that danger and aggression lurks below the surface of everyone always...and as a psychotherapist would you say that's untrue? seems pretty foundational.

I know it's textbook for a c-ptsd type to have a neverending waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop feeling no matter how good things are, or how excessively kind people are trying to be. I know it's frustrating to others as well as painful to me. :/ I wish for some magic way of being released, but that's not how it works, I have no other choice than trusting the process. Thanks for talking about it with me in your off-hours, that's very generous of you.

Okay thanks for sharing. If I was your therapist I would investigate and explore your sense of self and meaning. These are deep challenges and take time to identify and address. Someone who specializes in Jungian Psychotherapy or Logotherapy may be able to help with this. I would also recommend there book Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. This article may also be beneficial.

https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&amp;as_sdt=0%2C23&amp;q=why+the+self+is+empty

The top one with the free the free PDF link.

Most importantly keep moving forward. You are asking the right questions and this is a process. Don't lose hope because as long as you keep working at it, this will get better. I hope this helps you in some way.

I agree with u/zebra-stampede but I also believe that you may need a new therapist. Someone that matches your needs a little better. My psychiatrist had a masters degree in philosophy and political science along with his M.D. and it made all the difference. I saw many doctors/therapists before and after him but they failed to really make an impact on me.

In the meantime, you should check out "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Also, Jordan Peterson has some great philosophy/therapeutic lectures on YouTube. Hope that helps.

Sorry for the late response! I haven't logged into Reddit this week.

The book I used was The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. I also highly recommend Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman. Hope it helps! Good luck!

From the Wikipedia page:

> Man's Search for Meaning is a 1946 book by Viktor Frankl chronicling his experiences as an Auschwitz concentration camp inmate during World War II, and describing his psychotherapeutic method, which involved identifying a purpose in life to feel positively about, and then immersively imagining that outcome.

Emphasis mine. In other words, check out from reality and live in a fantasy world.

This is a very common concern for a lot of people who seek counseling. Events in life will often trigger existential anxiety whether they be traumatic, like having a loved one die, or typical like moving to college, etc.

In the meantime, I'd recommend Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and depending on where you live look for someone that specializes in working with this issue.

These are great gifts. I gave the flip chart to a former therapist and my current therapist already has it out on a table.

• Emotion flip chart

• Emotionary

• Colored picture - this one sounds infantile but I found a coloring page that had a mantra that resonated with me (Don't look for happiness in the same place you lost it). I colored it and gave it to her. :)