Honestly, getting rid of stuff is the best advice I can give, despite being someone who loves to hold on to EVERYTHING, just in case.
I know that Marie Kondo doesn't resonate with everyone, but reading her book got me started on the right path. It's easier for me to determine what I really love and want to keep, and what I was holding on to just for the sake of having it.
Then I read this book and I finally felt understood! I have read so many organizing and cleaning books in the past, and nothing ever really stuck. I feel like the author gets me and how my brain works - so between the two books, I at least feel like I'm on the right track. My house is often still a mess, but I look back at old pictures and realize that I've made a ton of progress.
This book was a game-changer for me, although it's taken a while to really see a difference (and sometimes I only realize how much better it is because old pictures of my kids come up on my phone, and I'm horrified by the mess in the background).
The biggest takeaway for me, at least as someone living with three additional mess-makers, was learning to tidy up for the joy of having a clean space. I can't remember exactly how she phrased it in the book, but when I first read it, I rolled my eyes so hard that I almost saw my brain. But it turns out, it's a really good point. When I stop bitching at everyone for leaving messes, and just pick stuff up when I see it (without complaining), our space looks better, I feel better, and my husband and kids actually do start to pitch in more.
That being said, I have a lot left to learn. And getting rid of stuff has also helped a lot - less stuff overall means less stuff that needs to be cleaned/organized. And, like other people have said, don't start with the "big picture", it's overwhelming. Find one space to improve, and as you get into the habit of keeping it how you like it, add another one. Baby steps are key for making good life changes!
My school’s disability services gave me a link to use this program called natural reader. It transcribes text into speech, I just upload it and it does all the work so I can just listen to the reading or even download it and listen away from my laptop.
The free version has unlimited use of files like docs, you have to get the $9.99 a month service to do the mp3 download or drm files. But it’s seriously saved me, you should check it out! natural reader
Ya for sure!
It's more or less an adventure primer. It's got 100 weird adventurous and random THINGs we want readers to do and then write about. By flipping to a random page and doing a THINGs you'll have the momentum, clarity, or inspiration to do the stuff you really want to do and by writing about it, you'll reflect and grow from your experiences. Lower point and more fun of entry than getting anxious about whatever it. It's really cool in practice and it's super fun and quirky.
Wow! It still boggles my mind that we actually published. If anything, I hope that this can be seen as an example that is is possible top overcome whatever obstacles are in your way. This sub has given all three of us allot of advice and inspiration so just sharing the good news not promoting, but here's where you can go learn more.
[Website](youshouldbook.com) Amazon
I use the SAM app and the Calm.
My therapist helped me come up with a short reassuring phrase to repeat either verbally or writing down or internally when I’m really panicked. My phrase is, “Just breathe and remember this isn’t forever.” (“This” being the anxiety + whatever is triggering me at the time).
Lastly, my therapist shared “grounding” techniques. Basically, pick something and focus all your energy/ attention on that with 1+ of your 5 senses. It gives your brain something to keep busy so your amygdala can calm down. She gave me a feather and a smooth rock to have. I’d pick one and just use it as a fidget. I have a little tin of Crazy Aaron’s Thinking Putty that I get out and mess with. Also eating a mint and just really focusing on the flavor and the texture in my mouth and the size and how it gets smaller has been helpful.
new therapist? takes some time for them to get your story and work out your quirks, the longer you go the more they "get" you and start speaking your shorthand.
actually, things are compounded for me due to...lots of things, I'll say that speaking to the point has been a challenge but one thing that has shifted my thinking is writing and in trying to hone my craft I've been using the hemingway app, in turn a secondary effect is that I'm starting to think about cutting to the point. we both know I have a lot in my brain and I can go on and that I think about things form 900 million angles, but now I'm finding it easier to just stick something on the wall and seeing how it feels.
failure in therapy is lying or not being vulnerable I would argue
I hear ya. I take comfort in understanding. Confidence, like happiness, and most everything else in life is fake it till you make it.
Imposter syndrome is a real thing and most people feel it. Would you happen to be a dev or something similar? It seems to be especially prominent in CS fields.
There's also confirmation bias, we look for information to support what we think and ignore the evidence to the contrary.
There's also a "new" therapy Radically Open DBT. It's based on neuroscience and studies. While it's not an ADHD specific thing, there are some really great skills in this workbook to help you with feeling confident and better about yourself. It does take some effort. I know that can be nigh impossible for us at times if we're not interested or under deadline. The Skills Training Manual for Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Clinician’s Guide for Treating Disorders of Overcontrol https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1626259313/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_RZ6RK6FSAH6DESD83PXV
I would suggest both of you find a baby sitter, and go to the cabin yourselves to rediscover each other.
Listening to this audio book may not be a bad idea on the way: https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971
What you need for peace is not the same thing as what she needs for peace. You are behaving "i'm like this, you need to cope" instead of putting yourself in her shoes as "my partner is changing, and I don't know what is happening"
Divorce because the two of you cant communicate and negotiate life, but in my opinion ADHD is not causing your divorce. There are lots of ADHD+Neurotypical couples who make it work.
Whether you want to or not is up to you.
I really like How To ADHD on YouTube.
And I’m currently reading this:
Thriving with Adult ADHD: Skills to Strengthen Executive Functioning https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1641522720/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_R4XFPZN1FT1AQ24JYT7Y
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 I bought this book on cognitive behavioral therapy. It gives you exercises that you can do on your own that directly target that type of thought. There may be better books on this topic, but this is the one I landed on. Also, the book is more geared towards depression. But I have anxiety from ADHD and the techniques are definitely helpful.
Yes!! I got one of those natural light, gradual wake, alarm clocks. When I had 5am shifts, this made a world of difference. This is the one I got, but there are several options:
Hope it helps!
I use my earring. It's a lacer chain with a bar at the end and the length and textural change is soothing. Plus I'm not going to lose it and it's fairly discreet.
S.Leaf Cz Threader Earrings... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RZ5NWRB?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
No, don't worry, I am the same way when I get overwhelmed. I am always low on spoons. Showing up is half the battle, though.
Perhaps you need to change how you are approaching school to meet your needs. I had to set up systems that are easy to get back to when I burn out, because I do a lot. It makes it easier to get started again, though. There's a pinned thread in r/adhd_college that may help, and this book is really a good reference: https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Order-Chaos-Everyday-Staying-Organized/dp/0578578875?sa-no-redirect=1 Have you gotten accommodations? Perhaps it's time to review them?
"Alarm Clock Xtreme" was my solution to this. It requires you to solve math problems to turn the alarm off, and includes a lot of customization options for how snooze works. I have an old, loud plug-in alarm clock that I keep on the opposite side of the room that I call my "hard alarm" that is set to go off as a last resort in the case of excess snoozing or if the alarm app fails for some reason.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.alarmclock.xtreme.free
Besides that, I do recommend trying to get more sleep. I understand how difficult that can be, though.
Read this book, it helps. As a husband with ADHD, I had a hard time learning how to keep symptoms in check until I got through the whole thing. Not sure if it will help your husband, but might be better than nothing.
Hmm, I found some on Amazon:
Although on that particular one it says specifically “will NOT work for deep sleepers”
You’re not alone OP.
I feel constant shame over little things that truly don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes it’s in the moment and other times it’s random, such as before bed and can be something that happened over a decade ago. Sometimes it feels so persistent that I have to make a noise because the pain feels physical.
I was recently diagnosed at 31, with inattentive ADHD after many years of struggling. I can’t tell you how many times I have put a to do list together the night before and then never even touched it the following day. The combination of fear of not completing the tasks and shame after it doesn’t get done is truly painful. The smallest tasks can feel overwhelming and like you stated it can have a negative spiraling affect.
I am also terrible at asking for help. I have imposter syndrome on the regular, which can impede me taking off from work when I am sick. I similar to you fainted recently from low BP and was taken to the hospital, and it was chalked up to dehydration. In general I do not think we take care of ourselves very well, but friends, family I would do anything.
This is going to sound silly but I try to remind myself of being on an airplane and in the situation the oxygen levels drop. The masks from over head supply oxygen to each individual. The recommendation is to take care of your own mask before helping others. If you don’t put your mask on before you run out of oxygen you won’t be able help others. Long winded I know, but the point is to take care of yourself so you can be there when others need you.
As for productivityI feel as though the Pomodoro Method has been posted quite a bit recently and I do think it helps. https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/pomodoro-technique
I apologize for the novel, it is but how I relate to others through similar circumstances… but I do want you to know you’re not alone in this. I hope you feel better soon, take care of yourself!
This book by Dr Russel Barkley
Also, my husband got a neuro eval after his diagnosis that has really helped both of us know what is strengths are and where he might need help. It’s helped me change the way I say and do things so that the information is received into his brain in a healthy and helpful way.
Lol sorry a link would have helped. They’re little shelf things that spin. You can get them in all different sizes and they stack and stuff. Amazon has lots of options. Or places like Home Goods
Copco 255-0186 Non-Skid Pantry Cabinet Lazy Susan Turntable, 18-Inch, White/Gray - 2555-0186 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0036OQU2E/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2WTWY9ECPR9W58KHSSW6?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
How your S/O reacted is like if you asked someone on the street if you have ADHD. They arent trained to see it, so of course its a crapshoot. What I'd be more interested is if he believes the doc and your symptoms. Ideally, there would be openness about it, but I can understand fear about what they dont know.
So give your S/O some-time to process it, you will need time too.
Check out this book - https://amazon.com/The-ADHD-Effect-on-Marriage-audiobook/dp/B06XCYNYLL/
At some point have your S/O read/listen-to it too.
The headphones are a great solution- I use a pair with noise cancelation and it really helped me when I studied for my finals last year. If it looks like something that could help him, I also used this site (http://asoftmurmur.com/) for ambient sounds
Similar boat. I’ve started taking this. It honestly has helped a bit https://www.amazon.com/Super-Complex-Vitamins-Supplement-Vegetarian/dp/B07414752B/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=2GWG4AFISHWL1&dchild=1&keywords=vitamin+b+complex&qid=1633009268&sprefix=vitamin+b+compl&sr=8-5
My wife read an article about ADHD and it’s relationship with the cervical alignment and she bought me one of THESE
I have never been one to take naps during the day.. usually because I can’t repeat enough to fall asleep.. I tend to hold a great amount of tension in my neck and shoulders and this holds you neck aligned so everything can relax.. I lay on the couch with this, and put on a rain app and I can fall asleep in minutes.. When I worked from home I’d take several 5-10 minute power naps throughout the day and it helped my concentration so much.. Now that I am back in the office my neck and shoulders are tense 24/7 and I now have chronic headaches… 😢
> additional life-long challenges such as endless guilt, anxiety, perfectionism, need to control, depression, a history of dysfunctional relationships and much more. This easy to understand, interactive book will reveal how codependency has sobotaged you
https://www.amazon.com/Youre-Not-Crazy-Codependent-Addiction/dp/0615533469
My son also has ADHD and anxiety (RSD and perfectionist tendencies). I’ve certainly experienced it myself too, no real question of where he got that from. For him, we talk a lot about how you’d have to be a robot to be perfect, perfect is boring, and for a time discussed how we as parents made specific mistakes that day. Art isn’t perfect. Beauty isn’t perfect. Nothing is perfect, and that’s part of why it’s interesting. I never comment on his grades, I alway ask him about his effort. I told him that if he is getting all As, he’s not being challenged enough and his teachers use his marks to know where they can help him, so it’s important that he not get everything right all the time.
It’s a kids book, but I really like it and it’s a quick read if you can get a copy from your local library. Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days! https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0983562849/
It’s not exact, but this is the one I have Boogie Board Blackboard Letter 8.5 x 11 inches - Paperless Notepad - Authentic Boogie Board https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D7WLDMV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_Csb8FbP6PT2VJ
I really like todoist! I also found that having a combination of online and analog tools helps a lot. I’m using the you are a badass planner (I covered it in stickers cause I am sooo not the sort of person who walks around with a book that says “you are a badass” on the cover)
I found this miniature doll house kit thing on Amazon. 5hey have all different themes and rooms and they're so cute! (Remind me of a Ghibli movie) It comes with all the pieces and most of the tools and instructions. (Be warned: the instructions are not good for my ADHD brain)it's really fun though!
ROBOTIME DIY Dollhouse Wooden Miniature Furniture Kit Mini Green House with LED Best Birthday Gifts for Women and Girls https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06W55GYG2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_H.UDDbB5Y65GA
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.devemperor.projects.ezchat&hl=en_GB
- was told by users with ADHD it may help others too :)
I takes two of these every night before bed with someone vitamin d. Initially did it for more restful sleep and just the magnesium. Is this the kind you we're recommending? Mines is almost 2yrs old now
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000BD0RT0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_J6enFbZ64EZ7J
If I'm honest, I really can't tell any difference between before taking it regularly and after. But I mean, I'll still take it cuz ima sucker like that.
I would add, * taking a good probiotic has proven very beneficial to me. Also eating a lot of fermented foods. Fat fat Real yogurt, kefir, organic saurkraut, kimchi, Real pickles and olives, homemade kombucha. Most of the bodies seritonin release is controlled by the gut biome. Get that in order and your mood regulates and you'll feel better in general. Plus fixing general digestion issues.
*Avoiding nsaids like aleve and ibuprofen can help heal the gut too. Use heat and cold for pain, and physical therapy. failng that, tylenol when really needed.
I use- Renew Life Adult Probiotic - Ultimate Flora Probiotic Extra Care, Shelf Stable Probiotic Supplement - 50 billion - 60 Vegetable Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001LIW11Q/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apap_ex1TfxoDz7Pd2
I swear by the book F*ck Feelings by Bennitt. This is a legit post and the book opened my eyes on what I have control over in my life…and more importantly what I DON'T have control over and what I can do about it.
It is funny too. Good to lift the spirits.
https://www.amazon.com/Feelings-Practical-Managing-Impossible-Problems/dp/1476789991
I've read that a common symptom of ADHD is forgetting to return to habits that have worked well for you in the past, so feeling you're regressing is probably really common. I've only been on ADHD meds for a few months, but when I go several days without remembering to take meds (or putting it off until it's too late in the day and it'll keep me from sleep) I get especially depressed. When you're not feeling capable and on top of things, you start to remember all the other times you didn't live up to your potential, and get caught in that circle of self hate. Maybe it's a form of state-dependent memory. I have no idea. But the only recommendation I have for you is to find a doctor to meet with regularly (I go to both a cognitive-behavioral therapist and a psychiatrist monthly) and focus on the things you do well. I was told to read http://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318 and that also helped a ton with getting me to focus on things I do well. You can still be successful, even if you don't wake up feeling capable every day. It is STILL possible. Always.