What are /r/aspergirls' favorite Products & Services?

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Shop with a list, wear headphones, shop on off-hours like grocery shop at night on weekday afternoons. Don't go at rush hour when people just got off work.

I don't wear noise cancelling headphones in public bc it's not safe (pickpockets, muggers, general crazy people, someone trying to talk to you if there's an emergency), I listen to music just loud enough to drown out the store music.

I use these clippy headphones: https://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-Clip-Headphones-RP-HZ47-japan/dp/B000GH2QYK/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3U6V54NSHZRE4&keywords=panasonic+clip+headphones&qid=1561499604&s=electronics&sprefix=panasonic+cliip+he%2Celectronics%2C184&sr=1-3

Skincare is my current special interest, and I still struggle to care for the skin below my neck because of that "sticky/oily" issue and because it feels like a tremendous effort. If you haven't tried it already, CeraVe's basic cream is an excellent face/body product that will repair your skin's natural barrier and should minimize any irritation you are experiencing. I get the most mileage out of applying it to damp skin after bathing and feel like I can put my clothes on pretty quickly without issue. You can find the 19 oz tub with a pump or order a pump for it separately if you prefer not to scoop out product. If this type of cream is too bothersome, I've unintentionally discovered that most baby lotion is quite thin and quickly dries to a matte finish. I would suggest it as a less moisturizing but potentially more comfortable option. Best of luck!

i operate under a principle of if they want me to know, they'll tell me -- otherwise, i feel like i'm being nosy & intrusive. HOWEVER, i've found that this often leads to me (1) being left out, and (2) not knowing what's going on. in the past, i have faked having an interest in the people i work with & their oversharing of intricate details of their lives -- that has kept me more in the loop, but it has also been exhausting & made me lose a lot of respect for them (it has often felt like the more i learn, the shittier they reveal themselves to be). i'm not really sure that there's a way to "win" in this situation, to be honest, unless your co-workers are open to implementing some sort of communication tool. (at one of my past jobs, we used the website slack to coordinate different things... perhaps you could suggest that & volunteer to get it up & running.)

A lot of this resonates with me. I find gender a weird set or arbitrary rules. And what we think of as standard now is really just what's standard at this point in time, and in this western culture. There are other cultures that recognise gender is more complicated.

A writer I really like on this topic is Meg John Barker. They are non binary, and they have loads of free resources on line, but this book is really good.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Understand-Your-Gender-Practical/dp/1785927469/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1547101254&sr=8-3&keywords=gender+meg+john

It’s not tempurpedic brand, but you can buy memory foam for crafts that may satisfy you in the same way. You can typically find it at craft/fabric stores, or like this on Amazon.

Mu mum got me a similar brush to your hot air styler and I adore it. It lets me add a little style to my hair without product (I can't stand the feeling of hair spray or holding products) or spending a lot of time and effort on it. I get a lot of compliments too!

Micellar water is another thing I'd suggest. Sometimes going through the whole hygiene process feels like too much. Soaking a cotton pad with some of this and wiping your face down is a good alternative to washing your face the usual way for those days when you need to wash up but don't have the energy even for that.

Prepackaged Food/Meal Prep. Especially if you're trying to eat healthy! A lot of days I don't really have the energy for cooking. So on the days that I do have the energy, I try to meal prep so that I have some options in the fridge and freezer that are quick. Lean Cuisine has always been good for me, too. More recently I've found packages of single serve pasta that can be microwaved in about a minute; adding some sauce or pesto makes it more of a meal.

I carry a little "first aid" kit with me. I have aspirin, DayQuil/NyQuil, decongestant, allergy pills, Band-Aids, disinfectant, hand sanitizer, moisturizer, travel size toothbrush and toothpaste, extras of my meds, lense wipes, face wipes, small hair brush, bobby pins, etc. Just things that I might need for comfort when I'm not at home.

A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004EPYUV2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_NFAXBbFYHDK61

This is cheap, accurate, well-written, and comprehensive. A little dull, by moments, but a great bedtime read.

I haven't read this yet, so YMMV

https://smile.amazon.com/Emotional-Mastery-Adults-Aspergers-Techniques-ebook/dp/B009N45B0I/ref=sr_1_3?crid=15JWR8AWE1GAJ&keywords=emotional+mastery&qid=1575132560&sprefix=emotional+mast%2Caps%2C205&sr=8-3

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Also I'm looking into EMDR for this. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and I'm looking into doing that to help deal with the aftermath. I'm hoping it helps with emotional mastery.

I could write an entire blog post on how I’ve optimized my showering ritual to avoid sensory overload and cater to my allergies. I’m super greasy so I shower twice a day as I find being greasy really stressful. I wash my hair every 3 days now that I’ve got a system that works.

The biggest thing for me is having the right shower head. Water saving shower heads with needle spray, clogged shower heads and ones that are too high up are soooo overwhelming for me. I have a handheld one that slides up and down a bar so I can get it as low and close to my face as possible. Something like this.

I squeegee rather than mop the floor as a wet mop is gross and stressful for me to deal with. I have an electric heater mounted in the ceiling. They’re often a retrofit heater/extractor combo that go in the extractor fan hole.

I have no scented products in the shower and even keep the bottles and accessories to unobtrusive colors to reduce sensory input. Minimal numbers of bottles as well.

All my towels are white and 100% cotton so they can be bleached. I buy high quality towels like coyuchi or target organic cotton and wash and dry them at least twice before using to remove all lint. The dryer is key for this. If you have low humidity you might want to add wool felt balls to the dryer to reduce static and lint attraction further.

29, female. I'm in the southeastern corner of the United States. Currently in professional school so that takes up a lot of my time. However, when I do have free time, I like to play video games. Currently I'm into Stardew Valley and Pokemon Go, but I've played games from the Assassin's Creed, Fallout, Elder Scrolls, Fable, and Bioshock series'. Favorite movie ever is What Dreams May Come. I like it mostly for it's art direction. I've also been watching Lucifer and Parks and Recreations recently. I've seen most Star Trek episodes except for stuff made in the last 5 years, the original series, and Enterprise. I binge watch a lot of Netflix shows and have finished House MD, Futurama, Black Mirror, Mad Men, Altered Carbon, Sense8, Sherlock, Travelers... I also watch a lot of YouTubers such as Jenna Marbles, Steph0sims, Marlene McCohen, Gloom...

As you can see, I game and watch things way too much, so I'm trying to branch out into jogging, hamster taming, and putting together this adorable dollhouse kit:https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BM91TS7/ref=twister_B07QGRXNRC?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I'm looking mostly for platonic company. However, if we can help each other get out of our own heads, that's a definite plus. It's so hard to find like-minded people like me. Looking forward to making new friends!

I found that bras are way more comfortable when I'm wearing the right size, which ended up being a much smaller band than expected and a larger cup to compensate. Idk how much sizing you've done but the tool at /r/abrathatfits is really helpful for me. I do a bit of sister sizing, but it gets me enough in the ballpark to buy bras. After that, Amazon is your friend. I'm a big fan of Panache and Freya bras, but lately I've been wearing this pretty much exclusively.

In my quest to get a weighted blanket I discovered a magical term "Korean Mink" that typically describes heavy weight blankets! There's no actual "mink" so I don't get why it's called that but the fabric is wonderful. The only negative is most blankets have ugly designs of roses, wolves, etc, so it took me a while to find two solid color blankets for the bf and I to keep at our respective places. (A duvet cover may solve that issue though).

The one I got myself is no longer on ebay, but here's the 8 lb one I got my boyfriend on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MZZB3ZI/

I think mine is 12 lbs but his is still comforting. Both are queen size so if I want more pressure I either wrap myself like a burrito or I fold it in half or a fourth and lay under. I find it soothing most days just under like a typical blanket but sometimes need the weight focused when I'm more stressed.

If you look for your own blanket like this make sure to read the description to see the lbs/weight. Not all "Korean mink" is as heavy, but it all seems to be heavier than typical blankets.

Coming to terms with a diagnosis usually comes with a mourning period, readjusting self-image and what you thought you knew while trying to learn what you don't know. It's very hard at first, but it will get better.

I still doubt my diagnosis because I've developed good coping mechanisms, and so many of the stereotypical autism-things don't resonate with me (e.g. I don't lack empathy but instead have an overabundance of it, I have many friends who generally consider me endearly weird and intelligent* ). Intense-world theory is a fantastic description of my experience, and might be of yours as well.

A few of main things I've learned about how my behaviors differ from normal, and confirmed by my husband, are:

• most people find lies (big and small) to be a natural part of regular interaction, while I do not

• most people either don't notice or care about the patterns inherent to everything; e.g. fractals are everywhere and they are soothing and give me joy :3

• most people have an inherent mental relevant-information and sensory-input-related-to-me filter, while I don't, so everything pours in

I can go on and on with examples and details of how these interact together and appear in real life, but will stop here for the sake of brevity :D

*^which ^feels ^silly ^to ^say ^because ^I ^don't ^see ^it, ^but ^am ^immensely ^grateful ^for

I absolutely love Ultruist spf fluid;

Altruist Dermatologist Sunscreen Fluid SPF – Superior 5star UVA protection by Dr Andrew Birnie premium antioxidant face protection, White, Unscented, 50 millilitre https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B086VR76TB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_YAG6MG4C5KBEX13ZTQ9Z?psc=1

Very high PPD - 54+ and it has 8 sunscreen filters in, all the new ones like Uvinal A, Tinisorb etc! It contains niacinamide, very impressive formulation! I use it daily! I also used a UV camera to test its effectiveness and its FANTASTIC!

Unfortunately Asian sunscreens are good consistencies but often not high enough PPD sometimes. Their consistency is always wonderful though and Ultruist is the closest I’ve got to them but with the best filters and tested high PPD

I have this star projector from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LXW0YM9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Rga8zbBT207WW

I've had it for about 6 months and I love it.

I used tickets from Dave and Buster's to get my wave projector. It's similar to this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQX4L7R/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_dka8zbMAE72QN

I am a big fan of filtering out blue light, especially after sunset, but any time of day to address photosensitivity. On the iPhone, you can use night shift to do this. On computers, there is a wonderful program called F.lux that allows you to filter out blue light and specifically set the color temperature. On Apple TV, there are light filters in the accessibility settings you can use to make the screen less blue, and you can set this to be able to toggle using the accessibility shortcut (triple press menu button). Finally, it is a good idea to invest in smart lights that allow you to set the color temperature to yellower tones. I feel like that last one in particular really helps my aspie daughter gear down for bed.

Amethyst Schaber's "Ask An Autistic" series on YouTube is great. They are brilliant at explaining very difficult to explain autistic experiences in an easy to understand way. I know the app and website 7cups has online counseling. I haven't tried it before, so I'm unsure if it's what you're looking for.

I've had to deal with educating my mother about autism and it's absolutely exhausting. It hurt me deeply when she tried to question a label that has helped me realize I'm not broken, I'm just different, like a lot of other people. When neurotypical people try to act as the gatekeepers for who can or can't be on the spectrum, it's pretentious and just plain rude. It's cruel for him to force you into a corner like this and expect you to pretend you aren't facing any challenges, especially in situations where you might need support or accommodations.

It sounds like the most difficult, but the most important thing is making him realize the gravity of the situation. I wonder if reading him some of the comments from this post would help him sober up and realize how hurtful his behavior is, not just to you, but to other autistic women who have been hurt by his brand of denial before.

I'm sorry you have this stain on an otherwise positive relationship. I wish I had better advice. I hope all goes well.

I read the Foundation series and enjoyed it a lot. That said, I find Asimov's sexism quite off-putting. Maybe just the sexism of the time?

Ursula K. Le Guin's 'Hanish' series is excellent. I've read some of them multiple times. The Left Hand of Darkness for example, is spectacular.

I've been reading a lot of Iain M. Banks' 'Culture' novels. They are long, like, really long. Often contain some horribly traumatic events, which I could do without. But the world-building is amazing. The Culture is a post-scarcity anarchic society. Their ships are sentient, and choose their own often silly names. Novels in this series I can recommend (in the order i read them): State of the Art, Excession, Matter, Use of Weapons

I've been building a list of movies, TV, books etc that i like. with tags. click on the dot for "books".

My therapist has used this with me - I love it!

There's an app version of a similar chart I also use: Mood Meter (Android). It's paid unfortunately...a few dollars I think?

I have the Sony WH-1000XM3 and I really recommend them. They are not cheap but are worth it. I also have smaller earbuds that I always carry in my bag https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07VB46R9Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 they are quite good at isolating noises and listening to music, I quite like them as well.

i desperately need glasses (21). i've gone through like 10 pairs in the past 1-2 years, and i don't wear any of them, ever. just prescription sunglasses when driving. i have the same issues: the temple arms HURT my ears no matter how thin they are.

some things i've tried that you may want to try: * soft, clear temple arm covers that slip on over the glasses. they're on amazon for pretty cheap. they help cover the hard plastic arms. link

• soft stickable nose pads that go on the bridge part of the glasses, if your daughter's glasses don't have them. might help with pinching on the nose. link

• gonna echo what others have said about contacts. they're infinitely preferable to glasses, overall

none of these things worked out for me, but every person on the spectrum has their specific sensitivities, so you might have better luck. with contacts, i could never get past the itchy/burning feeling & dryness. i feel like they also made my eyes more light sensitive. it may have been the brand, or the contact solution the doctors gave me. i've been reluctant to try another pair ($$), i have 2 boxes of them sitting in my medicine cabinet.

Either sleepers or labret (flat back) earrings should basically be unnoticeable, although they can both be difficult to get on, since the hinges and screws are all meant to “disappear”.

Something to note though is that if you got your ears pierced at Claire’s or something with a gun, you most likely got pierced with a 20g (20 gauge) and that’s the hole size in your ear. Since sleepers and labrets come from more professional side of piercing, they’re usually 18-16g (just a little bigger). It’s very easy to stretch your holes to that size (as well as safer in the long term, look up cheese cutter effect).

It won’t look weird or stretched, since those are sizes you’re hole would be at normally if you got them pierced with a needle (usually 16g). It’s uncomfortable for a few days but the nice effect is that you can wear all the nice-non-irritating jewelry. r/piercing has good instructions for stretching up safely.

I’ve done this with 2 out of the three lobe sets I have (the third set was needle pierced and didn’t need to be stretched). I own both sleepers and labrets and love them both and leave them in all the time with no issue.

You can touch, grab some hair, then while still holding it you can take your hand close to your mouth/nose area.

I do that sometimes when I'm bored and I need to play with something. It's like playing with your own hair and kind of rubbing it on your face. Nobody looks at me weird when I do it.

Kind of like this. I couldn't quite find a pic for what I have in my head.

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I have a big pack of the BIC Gel-ocity pens. They don't scratch and you can get a 12-color pack: https://www.amazon.com/BIC-Gelocity-Retractable-Assorted-12-Count/dp/B07KYRNSFF/ref=pd_lpo_3?pd_rd_i=B07KYRNSFF&psc=1

The Sakura Gelly Roll pens are awesome too, they cost a little more than other gel pens but you can get some really original colors.

This one is supposed to be quieter: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076HGWSZM Sometimes I use earplugs while drying my hair or keep the bathroom door open to help lessen the sound. I only just realized when I saw your post that hair dryers probably aren't too loud for the majority of people...

Sometimes it helps to take a step back and consider the long view. Instead of focusing on what you want now, ask yourself what you'll be glad you did after the fact: "When did I feel better -- two hours after the last time I had a crying jag, or two hours after the last time I got out of the house?"

Yes, the better option may require forcing yourself at first, but you'd be surprised how quickly non-depressed actions can become automatic once you look respectable and have left your gloomy bedroom (which probably triggers depression by association at this point). And if that doesn't work, you can always cry later. But I don't how much daylight is left in your time zone, so you should really walk now.

Also, that energy you put into a long reddit post? Put that into a journal instead. A simple notebook will do, but some people prefer an electronic version. Putting thoughts into text can slightly relieve anxiety by getting those thoughts out of your head. And in my experience, journaling can also kick-start problem solving. Writing down all my current stressors and then analyzing them can be like a long math problem: it looks like chaos at first, but after working it out for half a page (or longer if need be), a solution begins to emerge.

By the way, you're adulting better than I am. I've never held a job as long as you. And even though I'm married with kids, we still rent. But you own a house! You may not live there, but hey, you acquired it in the first place. Go you!

I think black and white thinking is not the same thing as having black and white boundaries. You clearly still love your boyfriend, so I wouldn’t say your thinking about him and this situation is black or white at all.

You can both still love your boyfriend and not be willing to offer forgiveness for a clear boundary violation and choose to discontinue the intimate relationship. That kind of choice shows a mastery of working in the “grey area”, not an unfamiliarity with it.

I’ll also recommend the book <em>Set Boundaries, Find Peace</em> by Nedra Glover Tawwab. It’s legit a boundary bible.

There are some glasses you can get that look like normal glasses, but they filter out blue light and can help with photosensitivity. They are generally designed for people who spend a lot of time starting at screens or bright lights. here's an example

ETA: Also, if you'd prefer to be alone while working out, there are quite a few gyms that are open 24 hours a day, so you could go in the middle of the night and not be bothered by anyone

This dress off Amazon is the best! It's super cute, especially with tall boots and a scarf, fits without being clingy, not too short or long, inexpensive, and basically feels like wearing a nightgown all day. It might work as well for you as it does for me!

While i was doing a google search to find out information about aspergers/autism for women since my diagnosis, i came across this woman, Dr Judith Orloff.

She has written a book and you can view it on amazon and view sample pages and some of the pages I saw have ways to deal when you are overwhelmed.

https://www.amazon.com/Empaths-Survival-Guide-Strategies-Sensitive/dp/1622036573/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1473270784&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=empath+survival+guide

She also has a facebook page.

Maybe you might find some of her techniques useful to you to practice next time you feel overwhelmed.

Best of luck.

Low-impact, seamless sports bras with wide straps like these. I've never had to adjust them, they are the most comfortable bras I've ever worn and can barely feel them on me.

If you have large/heavy breasts, you might need a higher impact/support version. Cups run on the small size, but I was fine buying one size up.

Assuming you're in America, Aspergers diagnosis falls under mental health and insurance is required to cover it. I would start by contacting your insurance company for a list of mental healthcare professionals. If they aren't any help, you could try your primary care physician.

Essentially, it won't be possible to judge from a list of credentials how a person will interact with you, and so, you might need to try out several doctors before you find one that works.

OH. Clothes I never had good taste in clothes but I am very good at colour.

I found the easiest way to do it is to just use colour theory rules, and stick to a flattering shape on me (it's different for everyone but A line dresses suit me)!! Some people pant suits go perfectly, other people can pull off the minimalistic shapes! So just work out what shapes/cuts suit *you*, and then what brands provide those shapes! Then you can start working out colour!

I usually do Dress (pattern / no pattern) if dress is pattern, the coat / cardi shouldn't be patterned. I usually use a max of 3 colours and the shoes & handbag should either be that colour set or compliment that colour set! https://color.adobe.com/explore/?filter=most-popular&amp;time=month Honestly I learnt more about fashion from web dev then I ever did watching any kind of runway show or listening to anyone about fashion advice.

As for hair.... I struggle so much. I just tell my hairdresser to dye it whatever colour she wants and then don't even worry about styling it ;___;

Hello there!

I'm so happy you decided to post. I lurked here for a bit and found that it's so easy to talk to everybody. I'm so glad that you have a nice supportive boyfriend that understands you need some help and that you're actively trying to find a way to put yourself back into the work force instead of stagnating.

> I studied illustration at university and also love animals. So anything involving art or animal care would be awesome for me. If you guys would like to chat about anything involving job searching or unemployment too that would be awesome. I've been pretty lonely lately and someone to chat with would be nice. Thank you for listening to my rambling :p

It sounds like you have a pretty solid basis. It also sounds like you know what you want to do and what you'd like to do. Working in customer service is terribly taxing and like you said above the work is good but sometimes dealing with the people is just it's just intolerable.

What came to mind automatically is "webcomic artist" and "web designer". If you don't know that much about web design I really suggest using (https://teamtreehouse.com)Treehouse! Then you can use your artistic skills mostly at home or work in a quiet office.

If you're able to be supported I suggest finding a local animal shelter and helping care for the animals. I know there are a few websites for minding dogs or cats like petsitter websites so you could make some money there as well. Worst case scenario you pick up a part time job somewhere maybe like in a local grocery bakery while you work on improving yourself or skillset towards something you know you'll genuinely enjoy.

Sorry, I think I may have been rambling as well!

Thank you for posting. Hope to see you more often and I wish you best of luck.

You mentioned gaming in your post...Have you tried using Habitica (used to be called HabitRPG)? https://habitica.com/static/front

Basically, it "gamifies" your task list...I haven't actually used it myself, but it just came to mind when you mentioned day planners and making lists (it may help to find one that is designed in a way that works for you, not just any one)...Good luck!

The back pages of a book called Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism: Voices from Across the Spectrum has a really good extensive list of traits. Broken up into sections. It helped me a lot in getting diagnosed. I’ll like the book here

Yes. For this reason I built myself an ice water circulation garment for personal cooling. Upon learning that superior off the shelf versions of the same idea exist, I just bought one of those and it works much better than my DIY version.

I really enjoyed the staedtler tri-plus fineliners, as well as the uniball jetstream pens. Both are fairly pricy options for writing implements, but are both fantastic in their respective uses. I prefer the jetstreams in most cases sense I dont need the wide colors available in the triplus fineliners, and I have a mix of capped jetstreams (for in my pockets at work so I dont get ink on my pants) and clicky button ones for at home (which i prefer sense I dont have to worry about loosing the cap). A classmate gave me one in grade 6, and I rode that jetstream out through to my second year of university and actually cried a bit when the ink finally ran out.

Both are great options that I have enjoyed and found very comfortable to write with over the years!

Uniball Jetstream: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B002S537ZK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_i_CV2QNQ14PFM4YR7TW9V2?psc=1 (Available in black, blue, red with either caps or button push)

Staedtler Tri-Plus Fineliner: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B000RMS238/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_i_N582P48YH4PXNEBCHP5Z (Can buy in variety packs like this in many sizes, or in bulk boxes of the 3 standard pen colors)

*edit

I realize the uniball Jetstream doesmt come in as many colors as you are looking for, but for work where you dont need the vast color pallet I still highly recomend them!

Sounds like a person that should read the book Phallacy: Life Lessons from the Animal Penis by Emily Willingham https://www.amazon.com/Phallacy-Life-Lessons-Animal-Penis/dp/0593087178 (if you have not already). The author is connected, in a very good way, with the neurodiversity movement. Right up your alley/ally !

I like to have multiple masks/bandanas near me to try out depending on how I'm feeling. My favorite is a cooling neck gaiter, it's very soft and reasonably breathable while still fliter-y, and wicks away condensation and sweat and makes me feel less panicked about having something on my face. I ordered this one but there are many similar ones available.

I got one of these tailbone relief cushions when I bruised my tailbone, and now I'm just using it for posture and comfort. Anyone who sits in my chair at work says it's soooo comfortable and they want one.

They have greatly helped my eye strain/dry eyes! I wear contacts and my prescription has always been really strong (bad genetics). But after I started wearing blue light blocking glasses, my prescription in 1 eye improved slightly, and the other stayed the same (after years of steadily getting worse).

Re: dry eyes, I’ve definitely noticed a difference when I don’t wear them. My contacts are significantly drier.

Here’s a link to the ones I bought: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GRPXNX4?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

YES. I have a simple orange chicken that lights up. I call him my Stress Chicken - occasionally 'Disco Chicken' because of the great song of the same name. He helped me survive graduate school. I'm serious - I would not have survived two years of classes and presentations without him. I'm sure my classmates thought I was bizarre, but that's ok - wasn't a fan of most of them anyway ;) I wouldn't 'squeeze' him too much because I didn't want to use up the LEDs, but to this day I carry him around with me in my bag. He is a talisman of comfort, and the idea of having a personalized comfort object played a huge role in my thesis thanks to Stress Chicken, who I sadly didn't credit on the acknowledgements page. I don't like to bring him out and use him as much because some idiot will start squeezing the crap out of him or make fun of me for having him.

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When I traveled during school to a conference and during thesis writing I would post pictures of him to my Instagram. I should create a photo album of him and share. Yes I am that weird. I don't care, Stress Chicken understands. All Hail The Stress Chicken. Come to think of it I would love to come out with a line of 'smart' chickens that glow, send motivational messages and that smell like scented candles. They'd be less about the stimming aspect of it and more like a lil' buddy who understands.

I'm not sure if it's from a book per se, but rather just something she said at one point. Here's the full quote along with where I found it: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Worth Repeating: More Than 5,000 Classic and Contemporary Quotes (2003)

Edit: There also seems to have been some confusion as a very similar sentiment was originally said by Carl Buehner in a book published many years earlier - “They may forget what you said — but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Wikiquote even claims the whole thing is entirely misattributed.

> shouldn't be eating any/much fruit anyway.

What about phytonutrients and antioxidants? Some phytonutrients are only in colorful fruits or vegetables, such as blue colored fruits.

https://www.disabled-world.com/fitness/nutrition/fruits-veggies/colored.php https://www.webmd.com/diet/guide/phytonutrients-faq#1

Disconnection helps. A few minutes of meditation can work wonders on the psyche. There are three studies showing that mindful meditation can have a positive impact on depression, anxiety, and burnout. This shows you how to do it.

A note on breathing: You want to do slow, and deep breaths. Inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. The other way is fine too, as long as it's cyclic in this manner and the breathing pattern doesn't change during meditation.

I just love the setting so much; this game really picks my locks. I'll send you copies of any of mine if you'd like to tinker around with making/breaking stories. They are all here.

Spectrum Autism Research (https://podcasts.google.com?feed=aHR0cDovL2FwaS5zcG9rZW5sYXllci5jb20vZmVlZC9jaGFubmVsL3NwZWN0cnVtYXV0aXNtcmVzZWFyY2gtZXh0LzNjOTkyOWI3MjUzOGMxMmJkOTJhYzY3NjJmOGQ3OThiOWQ0ZThjZGNhNzY5MmVhNzRmNDY2MDYxZDAxODE2Y2I) is kind of sterile, but easy to keep up with because each episode is very short.

I don't think it's ever a good idea to force yourself to hang out with someone you don't enjoy, because...well, why? Most people don't click well with most other people, even as NT. Meeting compatible people can be a bit of a numbers game, so while you're trying to build and grow friendships you want as much exposure to as many people as possible. Have you tried Meetup.com? After a breakup I found myself without any friends of my own and I've been using this site to meet new people. Some groups are better than others and if I don't enjoy the vibe of one group, I move on and try another. In general it takes several repetitions of seeing the same person in (hopefully) different settings to unlock the friend potential. From there, it's helpful to know of a few fun events or hangout spots around your city to suggest going to. It takes something like 40 - 100 hours spent together to develop 'friendship' feelings, so expect it to be a slow process. You can't shove all those hours in two weeks, it'll be more like 6 months to a year for adults.

I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but have since been told by one psychiatrist I have Asperger's. . . I've yet to get another opinion to determine which it actually is. 🤷 Whichever it is, I also find myself overwhelmed by intense emotional outbursts, usually involving tears & hysteria, that I've found very difficult to overcome & regain self-control from.

One of the treatments for BPD, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), teaches, among other things, distress tolerance skills, specifically designed for managing intense emotional dysregulation, in the most effective & immediate manner possible. One of the skills it includes is the TIPP skill, & it's a skill which has proven extremely effective for me in managing my overwhelming emotions. It's probably the skill I've used most out of everything I've learned, so I thought I may as well share it with you in case you find it helpful for your circumstances too. Here's a great explanation of how it works, what the scientific basis for it is, & how to do it: https://prezi.com/m/fnjzxobfaia9/tip-skills-for-managing-extreme-arousal-distress-tolerance/

I'd love to know how you go, if you give it a try. . . it's been a lifesaver for me. All the best. 🙂

Start with putting words to your emotions in writing. You need to refamiliarize yourself with your emotional vocabulary. Sit down sometime with a pen and some paper, or open a word document, and think of a time where you had difficulty expressing yourself and write out your feelings. With time and practice it becomes easier to put words to emotions. Meditation can be helpful as well, to sit with feelings and explore them to learn what they are to you. This workbook helped me a fair bit as well with similar issues. There's no real quick and easy or one size fits all solution, just awkward and uncomfortable work.

I use high fidelity concert earbuds by Mumba. They were $30 USD, and they work great! It also makes my own voice sound louder in my head, so if I need to hum to block out noise, I can do it inconspicuously. It also helps with high pitched noises like dogs barking or alarms. Amazon link

It takes time to establish this as a habit, but this is what I do:

I turn toward the thought “they’re tired of hanging around me because [insert list of my flaws here]”.

I think of it as coming from a “part” of myself, maybe (but not necessarily) a younger version of me that had to be super attentive to the behavior of others to stay out of the limelight and the center of negative attention.

She’s a part of me, but also apart from me. I’m the consciousness behind all the emotions and associated “parts”. (I’ve also seen the parts called members of a mental conference table, with me being the “CEO”.)

I then offer that part of me kindness, comfort, presence, and reassurance that I have her back and that I’m in control. That she is welcome to come to me any time she is worried with these thoughts and I will be there for her with radical acceptance and compassion. If I have a hard time coming up with the words to speak with her, I will sometimes just “radiate” calmness and compassion her way. (But if you’re looking for better internal scripts, I highly recommend the book <em>How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk</em>.)

Have you tried Certain Dri Prescription Strength? It’s a liquid that applies using a ball roller. It doesn’t have any smell at all, and it works absurdly well for sweating. (My also-autistic partner has used this for years.)

I just Googled, and realized the correct term is actually fairy lights. Not icicle lights... whoops 😅 (I’m pretty sure I used to fairy lights “icicle lights” as a kid.)

I also can’t stand Bluetooth earbuds, they irritate my inner ears too much and give me a sensation of being “plugged”. I got the JLab Flex Sport ones last year and I like them a lot, they’re not too expensive, sound quality is solid, and they feel very light on my head and ears in terms of pressure. The ear pieces have cloth covers on them that you can take off to clean or if you just want them off for whatever reason. Overall I think they’re a good deal for folks w/sensory issues who would struggle with other Bluetooth headphones.

Link so you know what I’m talking about - https://www.amazon.com/Workout-Headphones-Bluetooth-20-Hour-Battery/dp/B07J5ST3YF/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&amp;keywords=jlab+flex+sport&amp;qid=1624704859&amp;sr=8-3https://www.amazon.com/Workout-Headphones-Bluetooth-20-Hour-Battery/dp/B07J5ST3YF/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&amp;keywords=jlab+flex+sport&amp;qid=1624704859&amp;sr=8-3)

I got them from Best Buy, I think they were cheaper than the Amazon price in the link but I couldn’t find them on the Best Buy website anymore. I’m guessing they sell them at other stores too though.

Also a picker, and agree with the tips already posted, especially about observing /noticing without judgment.

Another random thing that has helped me is getting a long plastic back scratcher (example https://www.amazon.com/Finger-Like-Portable-Scratchers-Extendable-Telescoping/dp/B08S41WRYJ) - when I ACTUALLY itch somewhere, if I scratch the itch with that, then my fingers don't touch my skin & therefore I don't pick at it anywhere near as often. Also it's kind of a fun fidget!

I have the same problem. I love these headphones, they’re small, lightweight, and adjustable. The foam sits outside of your ears. Sound quality is great.

Koss Porta Pro On Ear Headphones with Case, Black / Silver

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00001P4ZH/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_-nbbGb84DG6YV?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

At night, when I can’t stand earplugs anymore, I use a headphone headband.

https://www.hoomsleep.com/hoomband/bluetooth

A bit late, but I think Musings of an Aspie is a great blog for those who are seeking to relate the DSM criteria to real life. I also looked at the preview on Amazon of her book 'I think I might be autistic' which goes into the same thing - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Think-Might-Autistic-Diagnosis-Self-Discovery-ebook/dp/B00DAHF48I I haven't read the whole thing but even the preview was helpful. She is a late-diagnosed woman and has really explored the diagnostic criteria and her own experiences of going through diagnosis.

Good luck with your efforts to explore this. I hope that it helps you to unravel things and come to a better place.

I just learned that there is such a thing as a detangling comb several weeks ago - from reading a random internet comment. I ordered one from Amazon for about $11 - it works great. (This is the one I got.) It makes it much easier to comb my wet hair after washing and conditioning it. And even when my hair is dry and isn't actually tangled, if I use it my hair looks smoother than when I use my usual brush or even my wide-tooth comb.

I've also read that using a silk pillowcase can help - but I haven't tried that yet.

There is actually a whole line of hair products called Frizz-Ease by John Frieda. I've seen them everywhere from my supermarket to Walmart and Target to Amazon. They sell special shampoo and conditioner and a zillion different special treatments that you can put on your hair. I haven't tried any of them yet - maybe somebody else here has experience with them.

Or, if you search reddit for "frizz-ease" or "thin frizzy hair", there are a bunch of posts from haircare subreddits that look helpful.

I hadn't thought of it as stimming either, but I DO THIS. It is NOT good. I've gained 20 pounds the last couple of years (well, 15, I lost 5 recently trying to nip it in the bud).

I hate chewing gum (also hated pacifiers as a baby, so it's weird I stim eat, but I definitely do), but if I get an ice cold water with a random fruit in it or unsweetened tea that really helps me have an alternate.

I also try to find other things to do when I want to be eating - usually it's a secondary activity to something else (working, driving, watching tv). I find singing works as an alternative in the car. I'm still working on the other two, but I did buy a mini elliptical that can be used either standing or sitting, which I'm hoping will provide an alternative for work and tv.

Things I use when I can't help it: Bamba (PEANUT BUTTER CHEATO THINGS. Come on. They melt if you suck on them or you can crunch them. They're cheap and you can eat 40 for 160 calories. They're Israeli but Trader Joe's sells their own version for 99 cents. There are elephants on the TJ-version package); blueberries (I'll finish a pint), fruits and veggies cut into little sticks to make them easy munch finger foods; and a new discovery that only works because it's super intense and weird: C. Howard Violet Mints. They taste like a bathtub. I love them in all their grossness.

I wonder if you could use REAL gum and not experience bloating... as I said, I don't like gum. But I like it when things are just absolutely bizarrely flavored (see above). Check out Falim gum. It's Turkish and made with tree sap, which makes me feel like I'm either chewing on a pine tree or some really weird nonboozy gin. It's super chewy, too. Some people in the Amazon reviews buy it as a jaw workout.

I have curly / frizzy hair. I use a hair gel by Jessicurl, the unscented ones that encourage curls. It doesn't leave any hardness in my hair once I have scrunched it when it's dry. I can't feel it and it doesn't make my hair look dirty. I re-dampen it for two more days and then wash the next day.

To style it, I clip my hair using tiny claw clips back into a bun shape. It keeps it out of my face and doesn't hurt like bobby pins or ponytail holders. And then if any locks come loose, I can just put them in the nearest clip. Goody makes these clips, but I find them cheaper at Ardene's. Here are some on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Mini-Clips-Girls-Women%EF%BC%88Black-Brown/dp/B07BK1R25Z/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_194_tr_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=A555C6R70662JKBDK1Q1

I hope that helps.

if you do a search for "dialectical behavioral therapy workbooks" on amazon you'll find quite a few to sift through. this is the one i wound up buying: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1548471186&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=dialectical+behavioral+therapy+workbook

I originally got this footrest because I was developing hand and wrist strain so I made ergonomic changes to stop Carpal Tunnel or other RSI issues from developing. It's half cylindrical shape allows you to flip it over and rock your feet on it to increase circulation, and playing with it (with my feet) has become a new stim of mine. If you're interested, you should probably look around to find a good size and firmness for you that's in your price range.

I'd also recommend making more ergonomic changes to your workspace, especially since you're already experiencing pain. Repetitive stress injuries and other health problems associated with computer use are nothing to mess around with. You don't need to drop hundreds on a state of the art desk- I didn't have the money or space to. Some other commenters have great suggestions about standing at a counter, stacking books to make sure your monitor is at an optimal height and taking stretch breaks. I would recommend splurging on proper back support (or a high end office chair if you can afford it) but if not, a pillow and proper monitor height suffices.

Teva Women's W Ember Moc Shoe https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01NCNBRPF/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_t7YoFbBNJ4QFE

I have these and love them! They feel like slippers but you can wear them outdoors too. The heel part folds up or down, so you make them slip ons or sneaker style.

I agree. Drinking water would be better. Camelbak has a brand of water bottle that you have to bite and suck on the silicone mouthpiece that is attached to a straw. That might satisfy your chewing and swallowing needs. As for tasting, keeping it nice and cold could be a good sensory experience but so could adding some lemon slices or a little water flavoring.

CamelBak Eddy Water Bottle

Oh wow those look way more comfortable. I got these ones I might have to see if I can get ones like yours. I stopped wearing mine because my nose huuurt lol. (Edit: Sorry if the formatting messes up I’m on mobile)

Just these ones. I have a feeling they look a little ridiculous on me but hell, I'm sleeping! And during times of desperation I will take a little sacrifice to my outward appearence!!

I'm not sure if they would help but the glasses I bought were quite cheap so it might be worth a try?

edit, my apologies, I just had a look at these again and they have gone up in price since Saturday. Have a look around amazon though as I remember there being quite a few different options x

Me! Do you like cute things? I like cute things. If you like cute things and puzzles try Stray Cat Doors it's the cutest escape game I've ever played.

But yeah puzzles are one of my addictions. It's why I'm so good at math too. It's essentially a puzzle.

It used to be called (might still be) Auditory Processing Disorder and is one of the sensory aspects of Aspergers that some people (me too) can have. I repeatedly have to ask people to repeat what they're saying, but of course my brain can't think because the repeat words just addle me more. People sometimes think I'm deaf and just repeat the garble louder. I can hear perfectly, but with APD, regular English might just as well be Chinese! To make it even more fun, I can be struck with bouts of Selective Mutism to make me look even more stupid!

Honestly, there is not a lot that seems to work other than to remove yourself from the busy/stressful situation (which in most cases is impractical). It stopped me going into shops where I might have to ask for something (because I know I wouldn't understand the reply). If you feel brave enough to use it, there's a nice app called Emergency Chat (Android) which was developed by someone on /r/Aspergers. The idea is that you can hand your phone/tablet to the person you're speaking to and you can both use it to type text to each other. That won't work in a crowd of people though, which only leaves honesty about being on the autism spectrum and explaining that you can't always interpret what is being said. If you were partially deaf, you'd probably feel fine about explaining that. When autism appears to stop you hearing (actually understanding), that's the same level of disability and deserves the same sort of understanding/adaptations.

they are super cheap

https://www.amazon.com/Interior-Bathroom-Door-Bedroom-Emergency/dp/B09MHRWK41/ref=sr_1_4?crid=289TU0IAJV8J6&amp;keywords=key+pin+for+door+knob&amp;qid=1671634357&amp;sprefix=key+pin%2Caps%2C119&amp;sr=8-4

Also, if your mom owns the house, she needs to deal with it and put her foot down.

I ran across this graphic novel in the library and it's delightful Invisible Differences by Julie Dachez. It's about the author's experience getting diagnosed. Some of the sequences are just sooooo familiar.

Look for a weighted blanket that is about 10% your body weight or a bit less. I have the 15lb one from Hypnoser: https://www.amazon.com/Hypnoser-Weighted-Blanket-Adults-Cotton/dp/B07527ND1Q/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=weighted+blanket+hypnoser&amp;qid=1670615240&amp;sr=8-1-spons&amp;psc=1&amp;smid=A16R8241KO4CSE&amp;spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExMFY0ME4wRldSMkNIJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMzkxNTA1MU1WRzE3WkZTSFI2TCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwOTE2OTA3MzhXTzU1TkNMSktIRSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

It was $80 USD when I got one, but they are $26 now.

To increase the deep pressure further lay on a firm surface like the carpet or a yoga mat, and put the weighted blanket over you.

Seconding the weighted blanket idea. I have one that's pretty similar to this one, and it is indispensable and worth every penny (especially on sale). I actually sleep with two sometimes, although I probably wouldn't have bought a second one if it wasn't already lying around my dad's house.

I also really like salonpas patches, which you can find at most pharmacies. They're similar to icy hot/tiger balm/any warming ointment with camphor and menthol. Usually I use them for muscle tension, but if I'm really anxious I'll put some on my chest or forehead and snuggle up with my weighted blanket and a comfort show/movie. The warming sensation is very soothing.

So I wear glasses, am near sighted, and I have bad depth perception at night. I was given a pair of ugly yellow tinted glasses to wear over my glasses for nighttime driving and I can report that they work really for me. I wear these tacky things almost everytime I drive at night.

This is what I have: https://www.amazon.com/Ontel-Polarized-Driving-Sunglasses-Resistant/dp/B07FMDZMT4/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?adgrpid=85197245757&amp;gclid=Cj0KCQiAkMGcBhCSARIsAIW6d0C9-kgUFZqQKiWQvnA-Zx2mD-QF-oykGuE-uP9OK1f3uS0hK3KferEaAqRjEALw_wcB&amp;hvadid=399932085003&amp...

This is a portable bidet. I use one. It gets you much cleaner than TP or wipes End you only have to pay for it once. You have to get your other hand involved but it doesn’t get you all nasty like when you have a TP fail, and you don’t even have to buy more TP because all you’re doing is drying off. Seriously, it leaves nothing on your hand. When soma gets on your dry finger when you wipe it can be really hard to clean off even with multiple soapings. I guess it doesn’t stick as well to wet skin. To dry off each time I use some bamboo reusable baby wipes then throw them in the hot load when I do laundry. I don’t worry about getting my laundry nasty because all that’s left on me is water.

I don’t know why we don’t use them in this country. I feel absolutely disgusting after I poop in public because I’m just wiping and not washing. (My butt I mean- I wash my hands!)

https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Handheld-Postpartum-Cleansing-Childbirth/dp/B08L8LMKPZ/ref=asc_df_B08L8LMKPZ/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=507696689260&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=7059446456662300720&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp...

It's a colour changing LED light that shines into your toilet bowl. I like it because I find the light quality really calming, and it kind of turns your toilet into a water feature. You can get them off amazon for pretty cheap.

It doesn't work that well, the curtain still sticks.

Try a curved shower curtain bar that hangs the curtain outside the tub.

Not sure where you’re located but I actually love these ones by Umbro. They’re soft and stretchy but very supportive. I also wear these ones by Only for regular everyday use.

I recommend Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum. The author is a late-diagnosed woman on the autism spectrum, and she also has children on the spectrum. Her husband is on the spectrum, too.

Oddly enough, it is on sale in e-book form for $.99 on Amazon today. So if you do e-books, this might be a great time to pick it up.
https://www.amazon.com/Autism-Heels-Untold-Female-Spectrum-ebook/dp/B073X64DSV/

Some ideas:

You could get your hair "relaxed" at a salon. They basically stretch it straight. It's not perfect, but it does help.

Another way I've found to keep my curls under control is olaplex. It makes them so smooth and they feel amazing. It is expensive, so maybe a Christmas gift?

A cheap dupe of this is cer 100 on amazon. It's a collagen treatment that will help with the texture.

https://www.amazon.com/Elizavecca-Collagen-Ceramide-Coating-Treatment/dp/B01NAQ3N7Q/ref=asc_df_B01NAQ3N7Q/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=343187845564&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=6303543594516766174&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hv...

I think DBT helps a lot with this.

There's DBT for neurodivergent folks. https://www.amazon.com/Neurodivergent-Friendly-Workbook-DBT-Skills/dp/B09S9JBS8G/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=29ABQVX0Q9RJK&amp;keywords=dbt+for+autism&amp;qid=1669087535&amp;sprefix=dbt+for+auris%2Caps%2C219&amp;sr=8-3

Oh, if you're self-dx'ed I also recommend searching these subs for reading lists and do some research. Everyone's got a different book that they "saw themself" in. I remember crying the first time I read the Aspergirls book because I'd never really seen myself reflected in part of what I read. It was such a weird experience. It's not the best book and I think the author has become a bit problematic, but there are many more books out there now. I just got this one from the library and loved it.

And on the conundrum of why you're unable to contact the therapist. I kinda wonder if you're both scared that you get a diagnosis and scared that you won't get one (along with being scared that, even with a diagnosis, therapy will be terrible again and/or things won't get "fixed"). And I just wanted to say that it's all valid. Executive dysfunction is sometimes just self preservation. And sometimes self preservation is just the preservation of hope when so many things have failed in the past.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Keep-House-While-Drowning/dp/B09Q9WXPGV/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=Q2AJS7DCS15K&amp;keywords=how+to+do+your+laundry+while+drowning&amp;qid=1667960132&amp;sprefix=how+to+do+your+laundry+while+drowning%2Caps%2C188&amp;sr=8-1

My ND friend recommended this book on cleaning.

i also find it helpful if i write down the tasks I want to complete otherwise I don't do them.

Also, humidifers make me feel gross and clammy, so I prefer one of the tiny USB ones. That way you can plug it in when you feel dry and gross but it isn't overwhelming.

I have these from Amazon that work great for stirring drinks or soft foods when I'm too tired to eat properly:

WeeSprout Silicone Baby Spoons -... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08LQZSZXX?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

And this is an example of the coated utensils I meant:

https://www.especialneeds.com/plastisoltm-plastic-coated-spoons.html

Medicine would be a great route. SSRIs works for me and keep the mean thoughts silent, so it's a huge relief. It was the first time I ever took a prescription for depression and it made functioning sooo much easier. It also caused me to feel less mad because I wasn't sad or frustrated all the time.

I would deff work on getting medicine and therapy first. :)

If you can understand to like yourself and be kind to yourself it would be a HUGE first step to relaxing. It's difficult, I hate myself sometimes for no reason. But I would save telling people youre autistic for later on down the road. I would personally advise against it since there are more important problems to handle besides shitty people.

I have some books I could mail you. I bought them to work through my depression but never used them. I believe this is the book. If you want it, I can mail it to you :)

>Everything on my dinner plate must not be touching!

FYI Corelle has divided dinner plates that are microwavable and dishwasher safe. We have a bunch of them at my house.

(Amazon link but they're also sold at Corelle/Corningware outlet stores)

https://www.amazon.com/Corelle-Livingware-Divided-4-Inch-Winter/dp/B005PYCX56/

Wait, is it the learning how to learn course on coursera? Because I am also taking that :)

I have failed twice to get a college degree. I think my main problem is anxiety. I often feel useless because of this. I don't know if I am ready to go back to college, BUT I have been taking a few free online courses which has been pretty successful so far since there is no pressure. I've been using Codecademy, Khanacademy, Coursera, Memrise, etc.

With these I've been able to actually finish courses, which I am very proud of because I don't often finish things. One that is similar to Learning to Learn is called Work Smarter, Not Harder It may be helpful to you and it is pretty short.

Thank you so much! It’s available here up for grabs💖

I’ve got a fair few tattoos and personally find the healing process much more difficult than the actual tattooing! I don’t like when clothes rub against a new tattoo and feel uncomfortable until it’s totally healed. Using saniderm for the first few days really helps though! I see that it’s your arm you’d be wanting tattooed. Arms are the least painful place for me personally- my outer forearm tattoos were a breeze to get tattooed. I have one of these metal pinwheels for sensory stims, which to me feels very similar to the sensation of getting a tattoo!

For sleep you might try those headband style noise cancelling headphones too – something like these https://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Headphones-Perytong-Ultra-Thin-Meditation/dp/B07SHBQY7Z/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa

I cook everything from scratch for my family.

I think as far as usefulness my mini chopper comes in the most handy and I really love this set https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07HLMB4YD/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1

I have a mandolin and I have hurt myself (without gloves) and it's honestly a hell of a lot of work.

I have a large cuisinart. I use it sometimes. It's large and it's heavy and it mostly lives in the closet except for once a month when it comes out to make bulk meals. And by this I mean I make 5 dinners for 5-7 people....so 25-30 individual meals. I wouldn't really recommend it for a single person unless you really like things like making pie crust, oat flour or nut butter....in quantities enough for many meals or people.

I am very picky about my clips. You can find clips on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/Keychain-Crafts-Lobster-Lanyard-Jewelry/dp/B0B3JN978C/ref=sr_1_10?crid=3HBP8H38ZII4D&amp;keywords=keychain+clips&amp;qid=1665179899&amp;qu=eyJxc2MiOiI2LjMwIiwicXNhIjoiNS42MCIsInFzcCI6IjUuMjYifQ%3D%3D&amp;sprefix=keychain+clips%2Caps%2C91&amp;sr=8-10

I then use matching embroidery floss or thin 'rat tail' and attach the key ring part I make a small highwayman's hitch and then burn the ends.

What tools are you currently using? What does organizing mean and look like to you? What would a steady rhythm be like for you?

I've been managing my things by setting aside an hour twice a week to review my schedule, as well as do any paper work that needs to be done. Setting the time, and enforcing that boundary, allows for dedicated work towards myself. Knowing that I've got set days for paper work removes some of the distress of having to do it in the immediate future. (Though I am mindful of when paper work is due and when my admin days are).

A tool that I use is Trello It's a visual-based organization tool that uses boards and cards to keep track of stuff. One of the more handy features is that deadlines can easily be set and imported into your google calendar. (Though when you do, you'll need to turn on notifications for the board that you import into the calendar)

Have you tried silicone covered spoons, you can get them in a size similar to a regular spoon. Like these. These spoons should have the weight of a metal spoon but have a different texture feel from the silicone. Have you tried ceramic or porcelain spoons? For a different shape try a Japanese soup spoon?

I used to work with women who had been homeless and living in poverty, and had not been taking care of their teeth for decades. By their 40s many of them needed almost all of their teeth pulled and to get dentures. I think if you don't figure out ways to care for your teeth, you can expect that at some point you will need to have all of them pulled and to get dentures. It is significantly harder to eat with dentures and it is hard to maintain the bone in your jaws, because the pressure from normal chewing with teeth promotes bone growth. It can make it harder to keep any remaining teeth, because the bone around them

A few thoughts on making teeth brushing easier:

1) In terms of lifting your arm to your mouth, would it work to sit down at a table and prop your elbow on the table? Supporting your arm in this way would reduce the effort.

2) To make it easier to hold onto the electric toothbrush, you need a device called a universal cuff. Here is an example: https://www.amazon.com/EazyHold-Adaptive-Holder-Eating-Grooming-Universal/dp/B077TMKPHK?ref_=ast_sto_dp&amp;th=1

3) Are particular flavors of toothpaste more overwhelming for you? Strong mint flavors are so common and I think bothersome for many of us. Toothpaste intended for children often comes in milder flavors like strawberry which a lot of people find less bothersome. I'm not sure that will resolve your nausea, but it's worth a try. However, leave this part until later. Just start with teeth brushing at the table using the universal cuff and water to brush your teeth. Focus on this for a couple months until it seems okay and not overwhelming. Then think about experimenting with tooth paste options.

I'm trained as an occupational therapist (taking my board exams this weekend!) and we work with people on exactly this sort of stuff. Feel free to ask me more questions.

Congratulations on hearing this! I'm sorry you have had such a hard time with this. It really does suck. I was pretty much selectively mute as a kid in social situations, had a super hard time in teens and 20s, and still struggle with some of this stuff but mostly I'm very comfortable being a quiet, happy hermit now.

I think one of my turning points was when a family member sent me the book Quiet by Susan Cain. I highly recommend reading it and learning more about how introverts are awesome and the "culture of personality" quackery.

It may take you a while to believe that you're ok just the way you are, but that's fine. Everything is a journey.

Have you lost friends due to unmasking or due to burnout/anxiety? Have you gotten treatment for your anxiety? I've definitely lost friends due to what I thought was unmasking but in hindsight I think it was largely anxiety that made it much harder to engage with them. Autism was practically a bad word in my house growing up, so it's easy for me to get caught up worrying that other people are judging me for being autistic. Idk if that applies to you, but either way please remember that losing friends almost certainly isn't a judgement of you or your character, but just that under the circumstances y'all were incompatible.

Making new friends is hard. You might find it helpful to check out the book Frientimacy by Shasta Nelson. I think it's aimed at NT people, but she talks about how friendships develop over time and common pitfalls. Perhaps it could help you feel more confident starting your new masters program (congratulations btw!) to have some "rules" or guidelines on how to interact with other people?

Unmasking can a major change in your life, especially when you're starting from "cool party girl", and like any other major life transition it can be difficult to find a new normal that you're satisfied with. But you'll get there <3