What are
/r/datingoverfifty's
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The most popular Products mentioned in /r/datingoverfifty:
The most popular Services mentioned in /r/datingoverfifty:
Match.com
Gab
Photofeeler
Nextdoor
Gmail
Firebase
Meetup
Trustpilot
The most popular reviews in /r/datingoverfifty:
My older brother found his third (and last) wife off Match.com. He had filed for bankruptcy for a failed business. His second ex was running him through the wringer financially. He has a two B.S. from MIT, M.S. from USC and a MBA from Boston U. She was a preschool teacher with a modest home. He was living in an apartment with a 12 year old car. They are happily married.
I have a friend who's wife passed away when he was 70. At 72, he went on match.com and met someone halfway across the country away. She ended up moving in with him on the East coast. Now, at 75, he's happily married once again. So, no. It's never too late.
Ah, to be six feet tall! I read this book:
The Height of Your Life, and it discussed tests where women would choose tall men fresh out of prison and unemployed over short Harvard-educated surgeons. The researchers found that the only way to make the women choose the short guy was to say that the tall one was a pedophile.
generally better than average portraits. good mix of home/work/leisure. that said, you are here for critique, so here it goes.
#1 and #2 are redundant. Drop #1, the arm is possibly giving away that it is holding a selfie camera.
Assuming the sequence is in order in the app, use a smile as first picture, not #1/#2 (that are nice because show you relaxed and musical in your living room, but are not cover material). If only #4 was brighter! Don't use #6: it is a beautiful activity picture, but you do not want sweat on the cover.
Pick either #3 or #5 as second picture in the profile. Your partner will see you coming home from work. If you need a second work picture to fill space, use a different outfit and possible also room / photo shoot. Both are good portrait work, the photographer did a better job on #3, the model on #5.
#6 is perfect, spontaneous, and the one communicating a positive relationship to the outdoor and physical activity without overdoing it. treasure it.
#7 is great photography and an expressive model. Gives depth / multiple perspective to your portraits.
But do not forget what is missing: one or two full body pics, *standing*, from different angles, and in a context that your body can relate to the dimensions, e.g. a door frame, an outdoor window, a library wall, etc.
#8 I do not really understand. Are you showing some form of manual work that is an important hobby of yours? The photography of the hand is good, but the message is not clear to me.
#9 is risky. it communicates that you are funny and shows a bit more of your body, though not enough.
#10 shows you at ease in nature. great composition, must keep.
#11 is good outfit and surrounding, but looks too much like selfie. get something like https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SX3H335 and re-shoot.
Good luck, fellow redditor!
I think he went on Match.com and it asks for your status so he had widower there. So when he spoke with the women they already knew he was a widower. He is very upfront that he had a very good marriage and was madly in love with my late sister-in-law; the majority of the women he has dated respect that. There were a few that felt threatened by that and that they did not think he could love that deeply again, but the majority liked that he was passionate about his marriage and was ready to find love again (which is what my late sister-in-law would have wanted).
1) looks - I'm in good shape and I only want to date a woman who is 'in good shape'. That translates to not saying hello to women who are obviously overweight. Photos count for figuring this out.
2) interested in dating - right now, among the sites I use, only match.com gives an indication of whether or not the woman is active. If she's not actively looking to meet someone, no point in saying hello.
3) potentially interested in ME - what she's 'looking for' in age, height, and location are almost always instant dealbreakers if I don't 'fill the bill'. Less often her 'looking for' criterial in religion or politics are also instant dealbreakers.
4) values - family, healthy lifestyle
5 interests - something other than sitting-on-ones-butt activities. Hiking and ballroom dancing are at the top of my list. A woman who would want me to golf or play tennis with her would qualify on this criteria. However, jumping out of airplanes is a 'no go'.
My Match.com subscription expired a month or so ago. Can't say I'm disappointed, didn't get a single hit in a year.
Personally, I believe OLD is a young-person's tool, or at least for the attractive.
Anyway, the life of a hermit isn't so bad
You know your relationship best. I would suggest talking about it though. The more openly the two of you talk, the better. Stuff that you hide can turn out badly. It's interesting that you used the word "compartmentalized", that's how I managed to turn an open and consensual poly situation into a hurtful affair. You go from compartmentalizing to not sharing details to overt lies. Sometimes "comfortable" now can lead to bigger problems later.
My wife likes to suggest https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Polyamory-Relationships-ebook/dp/B01LXZ6F7T/Looking at the "customers who bought this also bought" on amazon provides some other good suggestions. Non-monogamy has been around a long time, but the discussion about it has gotten more open and some of the thinking and terminology has changed and evolved over time. The ethical slut is a book that gets suggested a lot, because it has helped guide a lot of people over time, but people also disagree with parts of it now, or maybe just with how it explains some stuff. I'm not saying don't read it, I'm just saying not to take it as the one true way gospel truth.
Best of luck. Take it slow and talk a lot.
The book Modern Romance, by Aziz Ansari, has a huge amount of data-corroborated observations about OLD profile pics. What's effective generally? For women, smiling and direct eye contact with the camera, shot from slightly above, with a bit of a flirty look. For men, not smiling and looking off into the distance. Over and over the data says that for women, the high-angle selfie is the most effective; least effective, alcohol or an animal in the picture. For men, the most effective photos are (1) with an animal, (2) showing off muscles, (3) doing something. If you aggregate all the positive traits together, these are the results: for a woman, a high-angle selfie, with cleavage, while swimming underwater near buried treasure. For a man, holding a puppy while spelunking.
There are a myriad of articles written about the benefits of advanced screening via phone or video. I also require it.
I need someone that embraces new technologies or that is at least willing to try new technologies. If they won't do a simple video chat, we really aren't going to be a fit as that's an indicator for me that our interests aren't going to align.
I've never had anyone mis-represent themselves. You can't tweak a live video the way you can a photo. I know how to carry a conversation and engage with any human regardless if we are live on video or on the telephone. I expect the same from someone I'm getting to know. If you aren't skilled at having a telephone conversation, or a 5-10 minute video conversation. We're just not a fit.
My neighbor is in her 60's and gets way too many romance scammers reaching out to her. Requesting a video meetup shuts them down quickly. I bought her this ring light and helped her find the lighting that works best for her. And she's HOOKED.
Video chatting prior to meeting up is a game changer and is the norm for everyone I know.
Minneapolis, MN US
There are hundreds of active groups on Meetup.com. There are singles or general social groups specifically for the purpose of meeting people that vary activities from month to month or week to week. Others include: book clubs, hiking, dinner groups, volleyball, mahjong, board games, entrepreneurship, wellness, etc. Search for anything you can think of and we probably have it. There are many meetups for Tech groups - Data Science/Viz, many programming languages, AI, IoT, DevOps, Robotics.....
Not meetups include volunteering, classes, pub trivia, small venues that have music such as coffee shops, poetry slams, and professional conferences - if you go to conferences that interest you and attend related meetups, you will see many of the same people repeatedly throughout the year.
I have made friends with both men and women through meetups that I have also seen outside of the meetups. I have also met people at conferences and introduced them to related meetups.
As others have said, become a regular and I choose activities that interest me not solely to meet someone.
Just here for the morning coffee (in my happy cup) and a virtual hug 🤗
Recipe: one shot Colombian, one shot dark roast decaf (just so I can have a repeat without getting jittery), oat milk barista blend.
(non-sponsored non-advertising link included :-))
OP, check out the book “When Dad Hurts Mom” … I’m reading it now and it’s full of revelations and aha moments for women who got out of abusive relationships
It doesn't necessarily mean that they are a scammer. He may be just trying to be complimentary. Or, he may be socially awkward. How is the rest of the conversation? Are there other things that he says that cause alarm? Is he too good to be true?
I would suggest looking for other indicators such as relentlessly asking for money, images that are found using a reverse image search engine (I use https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.thinkfree.searchbyimage) and belong to someone else, unable to verify them by searching (Google) their name or using a background search tool (https://www.beenverified.com/ works for me, but I do pay for it when I want to use it).
Yes. Along with my nose/ear hair trimmer, I have one of these it makes it very easy to clean up the top of the ears or other wayward and unwelcome hair patches.
I went through a useful exercise of "must haves/can't stands" because you can only select 10, and then prioritize. They can be found in this book: Date or Soulmate. If you like worksheets, this is a helpful exercise.
All that said, I suspect you might be like many of us women, you can meet a ton of fabulous single women, who have their lives together, friendly, attractive, oh to be a guy. But the male population that has "dateable" qualities, usually only wants a much younger woman. That means the ones willing to date their own age, that meet your criteria, are going to be very popular.
Your experience may be completely different than mine, and I hope it is. I wish I was sexually attracted to women, but I am not. That said, I may end up at some point in my life, living with a friend (ala Golden Girls).
Based entirely on your post ...
Read this book. I'm not kidding. You can always sell it if it doesn't help.
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
(It could even be available via some shady YouTube videos as a free audiobook, but of course I wouldn't know anything about that.)
I'm your age and I've found plenty of women like me and men in my age range on Match.com. It may have a rep as being for fuddy-duds, but I've found all types of people there. (I am in a major metropolitan area, though.) Advice: don't use the app. Use the desktop version so you can really read people's profiles and avoid clicking the "like" button by mistake. And log out when you're done, otherwise it'll take over your life. Join r/match if you have questions specific to that site. Good luck!
OLD is a good way to meet women you wouldn't otherwise cross paths with. There are many free dating sites, and there are some that charge a nominal fee. I think Match.com, for example, was only charging $30 or so a month, last I heard. Maybe try one paid site and a couple of free sites to start.
Then there's always Meetup groups or other groups you could join in your area that would give you an opportunity to meet women. You could take a class, take up a hobby, or some other interest that would give you an opportunity to meet people. Your place of worship (if you are religious oriented) would likely have social groups that would enable you to meet more people. You could also make it a point to go places where you could potentially strike up a conversation with someone who interests you. You could put the word out to family and friends that you are open to being introduced to someone if they know of a woman who would be a good match.
I think there are other workbooks too. This is the one I read!
You are so classy, what a great song! I'd Rather Go Blind
Bubble baths are such a good idea. I highly recommend an overflow drain cover such as this if you do not have the nice soaker. oh but be careful! Ask me how I know how easy it is to overflow a tub! 🤭🤭
Makes a great difference. I also do candles and guided meditations!
Thank you for the recommendation ❤️❤️
My ex and I actually split a couple of times way before divorce. We split the 2nd time for 6 years when I was in my early 40's. That time I went sex crazy, really crazy. Had a ton of fun, was easy to find women on match.com and had no trouble finding hookups. That got old after a few years so I've had my time of that. Now, I'm 56 and I'd like something different, a really nice relationship (if that exists)
I wouldn't necessarily rule out OLD. It worked for me. And the for-pay options on sites like Match.com get you a better quality of potential matches, because people are paying they are more serious about what they are doing there, I find. MOST important, since he is new at this, is to vet the matches carefully and not get overly emotionally involved in a texting relationship. Go from texting to a phone call to an in-person coffee date as quickly as possible before considering it a "real" possible relationship. I paid the $20/mo for a service that lets you see arrest records, etc. Google the people who want to meet him etc and make sure they are really who they say they are etc. It can be fun but you have to be careful.
What in the world is there to be frightened about? You don't HAVE to interact with anyone who doesn't look like a good match, and as long as you don't put any identifying info, it's anonymous. Just use the site for "practice"--meeting folks, conversation, curiosity, etc until we are released back into the wild. Trust me, I'm a LIFER on those sites--I like to meet new people, and don't get very invested until I've been on several dates. Actually, I met a really great guy on POF, and we have been dating for 6 months. Sometimes it works! Have also met some awesome people on Match.com in the past. You're not going to meet anyone sitting on the couch by yourself!
I think it's very sweet of you and your sister to want to do this for your mom. My sons both did this to me behind my back by creating a Match.com account years ago. When I found out I wanted to both murder and hug them. They didn't want me to be alone, they felt I deserved a special someone after 20 plus years of being single. Well, it didn't work, if anything it created more heartache for me and added to my distrust of the male species.
Don't push dating on her. Instead, I would encourage her to join meetup groups, volunteer, take up a new hobby that gets her out there mixing with other people, take classes at her local community college.
I did not like Silver Singles. They control how many profiles you see. Our Time was a little better. Match.com is okay. I am currently trying a different one with zero success.
This. If you want companionship, love, intimacy, you have to risk being open. There’s no other way.
And yes there’s a risk and no guarantees.
https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427/ref=nodl_
This is from an OLD virgin, so take with a grain of salt. I'll know more a year from now...
Most people in 40s, 50s, are tied to where they live because of work, family, friends, etc. I'm locked into a specific location for the next couple years as I have two teenagers finishing high school. Unless you live in a large city, your choices are going to be very limited, and you will need some luck to find someone. (Fingers crossed!!)
Statistically, it becomes easier for men in their 50s if you are looking for someone near your age for a LTR, because so many other men are looking for younger women. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy; just easier.
Yesterday, I created throwaway accounts on match.com and tinder just to see what is out there in my area, and it was pretty scary in my age range 45-53... I felt like Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes, mentally ticking off all the red flags I could see from a person's pictures. Bad expressions, sunglasses, face only (hiding body?), no face (married?), distorted selfies taken at bad angles, odd clothing choices, etc. Is the bar really this low?
Overall, the women had better pictures than men, and usually better bios also. So, if you're a guy, I recommend working on your photos, since that is 90% of getting matched. If you have good photos, you will stand out. Of course, it helps to be average looking or better, etc.
Texting is pretty much the de facto standard for a few days. You can move to phone calls after a few days of chatting though.
Also, people can't respond to you if they didn't subscribe to match.com. So to get responses from non-subscribers you have to pay for an "add on" that allows non paying members to respond to you. They do not properly advertise this and unless you google the details of how match works, you'd probably never know.
OLD sucks. Yes, most are seeking a fling more than a relationship. I generally say that 90% just want to get laid.
I tend to agree. My impression so far is that within the world of middle aged dating, the goal for many is to obtain someone to be entertainment, however that is defined for a given person. Once they aren't entertaining any more, bye bye.
That isn't my personal goal, but I suspect my lack of entertainment value is why I have not had success in finding a man to partner with.
Also acknowledging that for those of us that have been through the tough stuff, divorce, caregiving, etc., it's harder to think of willingly stepping back into that level of responsibility and commitment.
I'm a very caring person but I've only got so much more caregiving in me, knowing that I'll be the one to help my mom when the time comes. There isn't going to be anyone to care for me and the best I can do in the meantime is try to take care of myself and my resources as best I can.
I think the type of fidelity that is needed in order to care for someone through to the end is rare, even amongst those who marry young. I suspect it's even harder to find amongst couples that get together later in life.
But what do I know? Elizabeth Gilbert, of "Eat, Pray, Love" fame, partnered with a woman who had a terminal cancer diagnosis out of love. I have a family anecdote I won't share because of their privacy, but it is one of amazing courage and hope for love after caregiving. A happy ending so far, and they met on Match.com.
It’s something children have to somehow survive, but they don’t have the “practical, pragmatic” skill set you do now. Little you didn’t know how to process it, and now big you has to do it for her. ♥️
This is a book I’ve heard several people say was very helpful for them.
These are great questions. I appreciate your thoughtful contributions to this conversation as these things interest me a lot. There is no question that the deck seems to be shuffled in such a way that our practices do indeed separate, isolate, and polarize each of us. Sigh.
For me, the practices that work are to follow the ideas of Carl Honore's great book and TEDtalk on slowness. In a similar way, I think focusing on small/local over large/global is more beneficial than many people believe. I find shopping, eating, and exercising locally creates numerous opportunities for my path to cross a lot of amazing and interesting people. And being a "regular" in these local venues expands my social circles and allows people to get to know me (and me to get to know them) in ways a few photos and a carefully edited profile never could. At my age, this works well for me. I will leave figuring out the next generation competitor dating apps to those in r/datingoverthirty.
> Now I'm even more discouraged
I'm sorry! I think it's discouraging for a lot of us in our age group.
> they say that there are more men than women on OLD
I do believe this is true. Not only from the many books and articles and research I've read, but also from the many people of both sexes I've talked with both on and off-line.
> so how come i rarely get any messages from guys? Is it the age thing (I'm 60F)?
I really have no idea! It could be any number of things. It could be locale. But I will say flat out that I don't think it's primarily age. I'm 62, usually have my parameters set to 55-69, and age is one of the last things I check. Even though it's a bit dated, I would still recommend Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance.
From my exp, dating when one is in one's late 50s and 60s is very different. People are making big life changes then and going through massive reevaluations and transitions. I'm pretty much designing my retirement right now, and that's still a moving target. Finding a life partner for the remaining years is all the trickier. But because I want to relocate in the next five years, that it going to help me zero in on locale better and make it easier to be a bit more aggressive (not my usual style) in reaching out to women. I'm willing to "go to them" because I really want to move to a different climate. OLD is one tool for outreach in that respect.
Thank you for the kind reply. I'm impressed iMac 2007 is still running! Nice. Appreciate that you're not buying a real tree. Not "weird"—good for the environment! I can't stand trees being felled. The Hidden Life of Trees makes it clear that they shouldn't be cut down.