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The solution, of course, is to read more, read read read.

I've also had the same problem with one of my numerous furry themed novels, you get to the point where the banal barking cannot express the complex intimity a dutch horror emo spooky poopy dragon feels when they try to express their feelings, here's a book that really helped me out: https://www.amazon.it/Animal-Sounds-First-English-Words/dp/8854413585/ref=sr_1_2?__mk_it_IT=ÅMÅŽÕÑ&keywords=Anna+Láng+animal+sound&qid=1567614955&s=gateway&sr=8-2

Personal experience is always the best teacher: https://www.amazon.com/Realistic-Hismith-Silicone-Hand-Free-Flexible/dp/B08MVLFZMS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=dragon&qid=1614287709&s=hpc&sr=1-1

Hi everyone. We read a book for the podcast that has perhaps the weakest story every written. I think what sums it up best is imagining if this book was a movie, the set would be literally falling over as the characters walk through it.

It has the most atrocious, iq-diminished plot. It even gets to the point where the characters have so little reason to do the things they are doing that the author couldn't even give them dialogue that was more than them trying to avoid questions about the plot.

I mean imagine that. Imagine you have thought so little about your story that when character A asks why B is doing something he has to literally avoid the question because the author didn't have a reason to put.

When I read this sort of stuff I look at my own work and smile. Not because it's all that good, but because I am not a delusional, racist ass-hat that watched Mission Impossible once, forgot about what it was, tried to copy it from my memory - poorly, and then slapped it into Amazon and before telling everyone at the pub that I am a published author.

I could get more fucking story if I ripped the cover off my dictionary, put my fucking sandwich in there in lieu of pages and then read that.

Some bad books are funny but the author had good intentions and perhaps was just a little misguided in thinking that he could publish. But some people kill your respect for them with every turn of the page.

If you want to hear us talk about it: Here

If you want to see the book for yourself: Here

Thanks for checking us out!

I hate to be the one to break it to you, buddy, but it already exists and it's about as good as you'd expect.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Jam-Novelization-Francine-Hughes/dp/0590945556

Ooooh, this is a good one. I get to make a list! Lists are very important when being a writer. They take up a lot of space and increase your page count.

1. Ensure you have a copy of "On Writing" sticking out of your backpack. Just enough for everyone to see you're reading it, but not enough to be overly showy.

2. Answer any questions with other questions. Relevance is not important. It shows your mind is nimble and lithe, able to see things in a different artistic light.

3. Half full hip flask. I think we all know why.

4. Name drop important classic works that you've read. Bonus points if they are in a foreign language!

5. Mystique. You must cultivate it. Be enigmatic, yet down to earth. Be mysterious, but approachable.

6. Listen to other people, let them talk about their own work and then set to tearing it to pieces. Metaphorically, but physically works as well.

7. Personal space.

8. Personal space.

9. Disdain. Be it for people, or any other form of artistic expression, but disdain is very important. It's what separates us from the apes.

I think that about wraps it up. Follow these simple rules and just wait, the Pulitzers and Hugos will start raining down!

https://www.amazon.com/Daughter-Ash-Awakened-Matthew-Cox/dp/194917431X/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+awakened+series+book+4+ash&qid=1619131053&s=books&sr=1-1

I have a friend who is an agent. He always says, "Show, don't tell." If publishers don't like your slash fiction, you need to show more. This means graphic, gratuitous sex scenes between Bojack and Iron Man, with obscene detail. If you're getting rejected, you need more detail.

Also, read On Writing by Stephen King to understand the process of describing cinematic horse-man/millionaire coitus. It's all about the craft.

Oh, and...

Just write.

Once, when I was very young, my father took me to see the revenants. Such a pilgrimage is typical on a child's thirteenth name day, for all boys of fighting age must hear one book in their lives; such is the way we honor the Gods. The revenants asked in raspy whispers what I would like to hear. I asked for something glorious, something fantastic, something dripping with truths and hidden meanings.

They read to me On Writing.

The experience brought me to tears. Stephen King's seminal masterpiece changed my life. To this day, I live in accordance to His teachings, though I will never again hear His words. My spear is my quill, and my enemy's blood its ink, and it is with them that I shall pen my legacy.

Yeah, if anyone thinks that Disney is the scary 800-pound gorilla because of its $350B market cap, Amazon's is $1.6 <strong><em>trillion</em></strong>. (Meanwhile, Apple? 2.1 trillion.)

https://www.amazon.com/Shortest-Book-Ever-Written-Description-ebook/dp/B00N88DXXM

Here you go.

/uj I just googled the shortest book on amazon and got this 1 page thing. And there seems to be ppl who bought it as well! That's like... How... Why do you buy a book that has one page?!

What?! Someone else has heard of Stephen King? Man, he was a super niche author. Now we've got all these plebs coming in saying they've been fans 'from the beginning'.

If you haven't worshipped Stephen King since 2,000-- the year he published his seminal masterpiece, On Writing-- then you're not a real fan.

The premise just feels…a little overdone. Good job, though, Mr. King. Hopefully I can write like you someday. Here’s my book I recently self published. It’s a bit of a coming-of-age type story. Hope you like it. xoxo

The full volume is called Double Feature. It doesn't release until February 2nd but you can preorder the Kindle version now. Hope you enjoy it!

The stereotype of the writer bleeding over the page is bullshit. If you want to be a writer, you have to sit your ass in a chair for a few hours everyday and write.

TLDR: You aren't a writer until you've masturbated to every page in Stephen King's On Writing. I'm a writer.

wear one of these things: https://www.amazon.com/UleadeTM-Steel-Chastity-Device-Locked/dp/B01I155M94/ref=sr\_1\_6?crid=1GA4BUTAU5BEQ&amp;keywords=penis+cage&amp;qid=1668286997&amp;sprefix=penis+cage%2Caps%2C106&amp;sr=8-6

Sorry, but there is actually a huge market for this: https://www.amazon.com/-/de/dp/1503733173/ref=sr_1_13?qid=1667976787&amp;refinements=p_n_feature_eight_browse-bin%3A14487161011&amp;s=books&amp;sr=1-13

Do you wanna be really, really historically accurate?

I found a site that lets you look up the weather of specific places on a specific date. Here's Philadelphia on September 1, 1991. Peak wind of 25 MPH from east-northeast at 8a, no precipitation, peak temperature of 75F just after 3p, sun was up from 6:30a to 7:30p.

Thank you for this. Your accurate assessment made me chuckle.

Reading through the litfic lists and classics made me question my desire to be an author and pursue a career not immersed in depression. I’m still an avid reader. I try to read 100-200 books a year. I’ve been working full-time for 25 years and most years I hit my goal.

Two years ago I had a revelation. I picked up a fantasy book for the first time in a decade: Hero of Thera . This was not my typical read. Not something I seek out, but I enjoyed Eric Nylund’s writing before, and gave it a shot.

The whole time I listened to the story (audiobook consumer to hit my goals) I kept thinking, this is so much fun! I kept shaking my head with a goofy grin on my face.

There’s not really anything of value in the book, but it put a smile on my face and reminded me that reading can be a joy. I remembered why I wanted to be a writer. Someone who adds a little joy and entertainment to the world. The Princess Bride was my first love (and still is).

I know there’s dark and difficult things in the world— I live here too— sometimes, I’d just like a break from it.

Call it a book end. Then they have to buy two. If you add lots of pictures, then it's also a coffee table book, and you don't need many words. This is key where word count is an issue.

Or you could just forget about words completely and make it about nothing. Nothing books sell well, and there are even used ones on Amazon.

I've been reading Writing Fiction by Janet Burroway and it's shockingly not full of crap. I haven't finished it yet, but I think it will be my go-to recommendation going forward.

It's not overly flowery, poetic, or up its own butt about the craft. It doesn't try to hard-sell you on some particular technique, which is something I've commonly found in books on writing. It covers a lot of foundational topics and illustrates them with relevant examples of both amateur and professional writing alike. At least, the Kindle edition has relevant examples. Some of the reviews indicate that not all editions have examples, but I haven't verified this myself. Caveat emptor and such.

It's maybe a bit on the dry side, but it's also not a challenging read. If I could, I'd gift it to everyone who posts a question in r/writing.

How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them—A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide

Fun and educational at the same time!

There were three books, I'm not sure if it's against the rules to share the names of them since it would include the author name, but since it's published anything is fair game right? So here.

Gonna lol if they actually put this out on the floor among the ridiculous overpriced overstock of books nobody ever buys.

Rob Frankel's book, The Artist Who Loved Women: The Incredible Life & Work of Patrick Nagel, has one of the funniest Amazon store page I have seen in a long time.

Frankel in the description, in all caps, defending is "Five Star Book." Then, the essay-like review left by Amazon user countach12 is simply amazing. Here is an excerpt:

>The entire book is just littered with spelling and grammatical errors. One page is a cut-and-paste disaster. I’ve never seen anything like it, yet Frankel has the audacity to criticize the New York Times for misspelling “Chouinard” in it’s obituary on Patrick Nagel, lol. He states “This book is the result of hours of interviews, days of fact checking, weeks of research, and months of writing”. Oops! He forgot proofreading.

If you have some free time, check it out.

Use a book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Curly-Hairstyles-Long-Hair-Books/dp/B09BF3TVJW/ref=sr\_1\_4?crid=RQ16G5OD9V3G&amp;keywords=book+on+hair&amp;qid=1644246056&amp;sprefix=book+on+hair%2Caps%2C87&amp;sr=8-4

I’m trained in the art of getting successful at things I don’t have any interest in by using my special set of skills and talents. You can learn all my secrets if you buy my ebook; it’s available at amazon.com/getting-successful-things-you-don-t-have-interest-in-ebook-ebook/dp/B01JZLHOMZ

Best wishes,

A concerned writer.

Ah, but it is a "sex fantasy"...

According to my friend, if she writes sex fantasies then it still counts as a fantasy book.

And she cites authors like Lorelei Johnson as an example, who markets her books as urban fantasy.

Eg. https://www.amazon.com/Loved-Aries-Zodiac-Book-ebook/dp/B09282CH25/

Oh snap, you have other male characters? I guess I thought you were this guy

So I guess you'll need a more nuetral name. Personally, I've always thought Cochthrust had a certain timeless elegance.

u/ I saw a book entitled The Wit and Wisdom of Nigel Farage for sale in a bookshop. It was entirely blank.

It's a real thing: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wisdom-Nigel-Farage-Blank-book/dp/0091960096

That, I guess, is how you do it.

The lot of you deemed me mental or dumb for asking this question. Yet one person - Reve knew what I was trying to ask. They didn't care how much I read or questioned my writing skill. They were able to answer my query in a meaningful and civil manner; regardless of my skill, age, and mental acuity. Maybe I worded my question poorly. Maybe I did dig myself into a hole by displaying just how inexperienced at reading I am. Maybe I should know better about these things but my downfalls obstructed my ability to perceive the obvious.

Whatever the case may be, some of the more kinder folks - who did not needlessly tear me apart because internet anonymity allowed them the ability to do so for the sake of it - took the time to converse with me and to know more about what I was trying to say and did not resort to scathing behavior. Which is better: To laugh at the expense of another person for their mistakes when you are unable to offer advice? Or to take the time to authentically understand where the other person is coming from so that communication at its highest level can occur - even when their idea they're attempting to convey is unclear?

At the end of the day, you're all just a bunch of strangers to me. You may think my heartfelt poem about my celebrity crush is trash but multiple people in my life think it's beautiful (some even cried) - that's what matters to me. You may think I am not even a writer because I don't read enough - but then my writing wouldn't get featured on the front page of a community if that were the case. Having struggled to be visible on deviantArt but thrived someplace else has given me hope and more confidence than I've had in years. I'm not going to let all of that suffer because others wish to laugh at me. Good day.

Its not suppossed to be released until 9-11, but you can download the file here from my private website: https://payhip.com/b/SCUm would you please contact me and let me know if you had any problems with the file???

Thank You so much for your interest

- Jason Kondrath

I went to https://www.browserling.com/tools/word-frequency

It's not fancy- prepositions and pronouns etc. are still included (every word is), so you need to ignore those and just look down to see which words really shouldn't be there so often. For example in 110,000 words I had over 500 uses of "really". Yes, really. I had no idea, had not noticed. I haven't changed them all but gone through and done some using find. It's a learning experience that's for sure

GTD, <code>org-mode</code>, and a healthy dose of masochism.

Whenever I think "I want to work on something but I don't know what" I just look at the list. It prevents a lot of time being wasted.

Here Pal

Thinking just gets in the way. When you're thinking you're making ideas, which only confuses the brain. What you my friend need is to learn automatic writing. You will access the higher realms, and meet your spirit guide. Then you'll be cranking out a thousand words faster than a speed demon on crack.

Sure, but let me warn you, you'll be really the unedited version. So, none of it will really make sense, but I assure you, I'll be putting up the edited version when I'm finished working on it.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/057868716X

Done

Something like that last point, but where visuals and prose are two components of one cohesive thing. Again, this is the best descriptor of what I want to do. Instead of being more an exploration into speculative xenobiology though, I want it be an actual narrative, though with an entirely different setting.

I will concede however that just as many self proclaimed writers have the issue of not writing, I have the issue of not practicing art as much as I should. At least I have the excuse of some shit having gone on in my life, and that I’m not trying to make a living out of it.

Books should not move or have eyes. If it wiggles on its own stay away!

I would recommend

https://www.amazon.com/Snake-Essential-Visual-Chris-Mattison/dp/1465443797/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&amp;keywords=snake+book&amp;qid=1611861207&amp;sr=8-3

And to write a book skin the snake and then shake some ink in it like a wiggly maraca, bury it under a Starbucks sign and dig it up on the third day to find a book

Thanks! The book is called Double Feature and includes a story by me and another great novella. It doesn't release until February 2nd but you can preorder the Kindle version now. Hope it lives up to expectation!

What you are looking for is this:

https://www.amazon.com/Thesaurus-Traditional-English-Metaphors-Wilkinson/dp/0415863015

What do you think where all the metaphors that other writers use come from!?

Dumb question, but have you read the Mistborn series? It's just as good. I also quite enjoyed Elantris, one of his earlier books.

I wonder how many times he's read 'On Writing".

Seriously, it must be in the hundreds, he's so good at writing.

OMG! I completely forgot about On Writing by Stephen King until you mentioned! Thank you for reminding me about On Worting by Steppen Kring. I can't believe that a such an incredible book like An Enting by Shittin Keep slipped my mind for so much as a millisecond.

First off, your use of big words is sign that you can't speak direct and plain, I have written entire chapters using just crayon and stick figures. Clearly you need more 'On Writing' and less, 'Online.' Ohhh, that was good, you see that, I create henius writing like that all the time.

And you better not steal it! I will sue you so hard if you steal my unpublished lines!

Second, my tri-part trilogy is just the introduction of a genre bending epic in which I literally write out the actions of everything in all creation. I am starting with the vastly underrated journey of the hydrogen atom. Every one of them. I am currently on hydrogen atom one trillion, sixteen billion, four hundred and eight million, thirteen thousand and eight, and his third story arc in which he finally becomes part of star SQ-1297 will change literature forever.

I only called it a tri-trilogy because you fucking plebs wouldn't understand a work of this scope.

and I save this whole post in case any of you try and steal my work!

Don't even fucking TRY writing anything before you read On Writing. Also, spend about three years on an outline and a detailed worldbuilding concordance of your book before you start writing it. You'd hate to go into things half-assed.