As the mom of 11 & 13 year old daughters I want to recommend some books - It's So Amazing! (for ages 7-10) and It's Perfectly Normal (for ages 10+). I grew up in a house where my mom didn't talk about anything, though I was vaguely aware of menstruation. The only education I got about it was from the school's maturation program. I wrote my mom a note when I started my period because I couldn't voice it, and thankfully had stuff from the school to use because she hadn't bought me any.
I didn't try and hide anything from my girls (and I later learned they thought my pads were "mama diapers" but didn't understand why I needed them), but it was hard to overcome the shame of actually talking about it. I bought those books read them myself and then put them in a place accessible to them and said "hey I found these cool books that teach you all about your body. Read them if you want to, and if you want to talk about anything let me know." And maybe pointed out a section that was a little lighter, like one of the cartoons with the bird and bee talking about body hair.
As they've actually reached puberty I've made efforts to talk about my own experience and normalize it being ok to talk about. "oh man my cramps are bad today" or "I need to buy more pads" Obviously you can't do that, but finding ways to make it a safe and open thing to discuss in your house even with brothers who can't relate, will help her feel comfortable and not ashamed.
I think some grief counseling/therapy are what you need most. You suffered a horrible loss. I think your loss of sensation has more to do with that than the changes in your body.
But for kegel help I do recommend:
iStim Probe for Kegel Exercise, Pelvic Floor Electrical Muscle Stimulation, Incontinence - Compatible with TENS/EMS, (Vaginal) https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B0768W5DP4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1 (you do need a tens unit along with it)
The good times are part of the abuse. They keep you questioning whether you’re imagining it or whether you should stay.
I highly suggest this book:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425191656/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_nSHMFbK2HKG7E
Everything you said, plus:
>I'm now where I should have been at 25, and I'm 37.
There is no "should be" script in life. We are where we are; some imaginary or idealized person's life is does not apply to our personal circumstances.
If OP cannot get to a mental health professional, I urge her to get the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. My therapist co-signs that book as well and even gave me activities to work on similar to what that book goes over, like a mind map and mood chart.
I'd also recommend The Care and Keeping of You and the Care and Keeping of You 2 for both of you to read.
Something really small you can do is start pre-stocking the bathroom with menstrual products ahead of time somewhere that is noticeable and easily accessible; just putting them in a nice box on the back of the toilet or the shelf can do a lot to normalize mensuration for your daughter and her friends. Also, make sure your trash cans have plastic bag liners.
I highly recommend this book, " Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers ". I gained more insights from this book than I thought it was possible to get from one book
During the 90s, I learned about the Delany sisters, who never married nor had children, and I admired them (instead of wives/mothers).
>About the Author
>Sarah L. Delany and Dr. Elizabeth Delany were born in Raleigh, North Carolina, on the campus of St. Augustine's College. Their father, born into slavery and freed by the Emancipation Proclamation, was an administrator at the college and America's first elected black Episcopal bishop. Sarah received her bachelor's and master's degrees from Teachers College at Columbia University and was New York City's first appointed black home economics teacher on the high school level. Elizabeth received her doctor of dental surgery degree from Columbia University in 1923 and was the second black woman licensed to practice dentistry in New York. Dr. Elizabeth Delany died in September 1995, at the age of 104. Sarah Delany died in January 1999, at the age of 109.
read this book
It is called "The Four Agreements"
One of the agreeements is - Don't Take Anything Personally
We take things personally when we agree with what others have said.
When we do not agree, the things that others say cannot affect us emotionally.
When we do not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior cannot affect us.
I have a lot of experience with men because of my age - some men just say the stupidest things, but it has nothing to do with you!!! It took me forever to learn this!!
You are being cast in a movie - You are being cast the way you are right? Did they tell you to get a trainer? Or has he? Exactly.
He is used to yoga teacher bodies. But he is with you.....Who is this about....?
Normally i go for latina girls with big boobs and no tattoos.....and again....who the fuck cares??? LOL
It is so freeing to not let these people rent space in my head.
This is an excellent answer.
Anti-vaccination parents think that giving your kids challenges to their immune systems can cause them harm. The reverse is true, however -- kids who grow up on farms and who play in the dirt wind up with lower rates of allergies/asthma, while the kids who grow up in immaculate homes are allergic to everything and have to carry epi-pens.
This year I participated in the Reddit Secret Santa gift swap, and part of the gift I received was a a how-to book for women who want to run for office. It's the absolute bomb: fun, easy, step-by-step. I never considered running for office before, and now I can hardly wait to try!
These ones ....
Or these if you Amazon
And y'all are going to think I'm crazy but
... when you're sleeping, take your ultra thin pad and give yourself a wedgie with it, front to back. You'll never have an overnight leak again.
I use a cellulite brush every morning in the bath and it works wonders. If you dry brush the skin a bit rigorously on a daily basis by smoothing out the cellulite, it can make a big impact.
Feminist Fight Club- Jessica Bennet https://www.amazon.com/Feminist-Fight-Club-Survival-Workplace/dp/0062439782
What works for women at work -Joan C Williams
Short answer is no. Although surgery is drastic, it's a valid option, especially if you're experiencing pain.
Like another commenter says, it's worth going to a really good lingerie shop. Not something where sexiness is the goal. I'm talking an old-school Enid & Astrid's Brawr Barn so you can get fitted by professionals, not some teenager with a measuring tape and 15 minutes of training.
But in the meantime, when it comes to something inexpensive, wireless, and non-monoboobing, this is my ride or die. I have wide-set DDD breasts so I just remove the laces. I have several and they're the only wireless bras under $100 that perform like an underwire bra and doesn't make me miserable.
Another option is getting a binder and seeing how you feel about that. I don't have any experience, but I know there are subs here with folks who can help you. I'd start out at r/abrathatfits and go from there.
A retired psychology professor friend of mine wrote a book called
Dating The Divorced Man
Her bottom line advice is to not date a divorcee until the ink on his divorce papers have been dry for a full year.
According to her there are just too many changes going on for someone to be in a place emotionally, legally, and otherwise to be ready for a new relationship.
Therapy helped me make the decision, but I also got a lot out of this book written by a therapist: "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship"
I really like how this book gives you a list of "diagnostics" that identify things that in this therapist's experience mean you'll be happier out of the relationship - and also defines which things don't really matter for happiness.
My friend really wants to be a mom and she's late 30's. She got a fertility test and says she's fertile but her doctor told her she has a timeline. She's kind of in the same phase where she keep finding people that don't want the same thing. I would suggest online dating like match.com, because my friends that do online dating said that people on there are more serious in regards to a relationship. I had two guy friends that found their wives on that site and they had their first child about a few months apart from each other (funny bc they are best friends too). Their wives had the children late 30's too. One was a widower with a son already and one was her first child.
My other friend set a timeline that she wanted kids by a certain age with or without a partner. She went to a sperm clinic and got inseminated and now has a lovely one year old daughter. If you don't mind doing it alone then you should too.
Shrimp. I'd tried shrimp several times, even as an adult, I actively tried to like it, but it just tasted like boogers to me so I gave up years ago. I could never understand why people liked them, I thought they were all crazy.
Recently, my SO's best friend came over and we bbq'd, and he did some garlic butter shrimp. I took one and gave it a wee nibble. Lo, and behold! No booger taste at all, just a pleasant texture that tasted like delicious garlic butter. I ended up eating a whole skewer to myself.
Also, dresses. I have never liked wearing dresses because of the chub rub, and I've never been into frills, curls, and ribbons. I've wanted to change that, though, because I keep seeing beautiful dresses, and I love the 50s rockabilly look. So, I bought a couple skirts, I have a few dresses now, including this Firefly hawaiian dress, and I'm considering getting a couple dresses like this. I love it! I feel so pretty and comfy. I wear some shorts underneath and it keeps me comfy.
Great book. Been a while since I've read it, and I'm a guy, but I don't recall taking away the message that women/people need to be more fearful. It was more how to recognize and avoid dangerous situations.
I just point that out because for some reason I took your post as a variation of "be afraid don't do it" the first time I read it, but I think the book is a real and constructive approach to these problems.
Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Other-Survival-Signals-Protect-Violence/dp/0440508835 . Published in 1999, so should be able to find copies at libraries & used book stores, too.
This is the best answer - it'll burn slightly for a minute, but prevents irritation and ingrown hairs. Also suggest shaving in the shower, with anti-bacterial bar soap
Amazon - Skin Refillable Ingrown Hair Rollon for Women & Men, 2.5 ounce
She doesn’t write specifically about women’s bodies but I highly recommend books by Mary Roach. You’ll learn a lot about the human body and she’s such a fun read!!!
Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393348741/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_ZLgdGbPK981NT
And if you want to learn about all the things that haven’t been studied for women’s needs and their bodies I highly recommend this book. In fact, this book will explain why you have to ask ppl on Reddit for a book on women’s bodies! But I warn you...you’ll get mad when you learn things like there is no mandate for auto makers in the US or UK to have crash tests for pregnant women and that they don’t even have a female crash test dummy. 🤭🤬
Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/1419729071/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_PNgdGbB8512E4
I literally just use deluded Dawn Dish Soap in a spray bottle. Save one of your spray bottles and pour about an inch of soap and the rest water. I use a wet dish rag to wipe my counters down and then rinse it. I have a rack above my sink I dry it on. Every few days just throw the rag in with the washer with the rest of your towels.
This is statistically untrue; only ~30% of project managers are women.
The Annotated Pride & Prejudice is so great for this…I have these versions for all the novels except “Mansfield Park” (I don’t know why it’s been impenetrable for me, but I mean to try again) and love them. I’m guilty of just reading through the annotations alone, they’re so informative and interesting and give such great context.
I recommend this brand. There are two types, the sticky adhesive type, and the non sticky silicone suction type. I started with the sticky adhesive type because I was afraid of slippage. I now exclusively use the plain non-adhesive silicone because one pair lasts several months of heavy use. If you run them under the sink or sprinkle them with water, they stay just on fine without adhesive. Been using this brand for years. You'll want to brows for your specific skin tone, the closer the match, the better.
I’m a fellow frump, but one thing I do have a handle on is sunscreen. This is the best brand I’ve found - expensive and imported from Japan, but worth it. Feels like a light moisturizer going on, totally non-greasy, gentle enough to use around eyes, doesn’t negatively impact how makeup lays on the skin, and provides excellent SPF 50 protection. It’s basically perfect in every way.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Your parents may not be as bad as the ones in the book, but the boundaries work just as well.
The book, "The Power of a Positive No" was written by an international negotiator who also wrote "Getting to Yes". He says he thinks it may be MORE important than the "Getting to Yes" series, because if you can't say "no" then you really have no "yes" to give either. I highly recommend his method, which to my poor rendition consists of
a) "YES"...tell what is important to you, like your family or your future financial situation: For example, "Because I need to spend more time with my kids,..."
b) "NO" ... clearly say that you can't do what they are asking "..., I won't be going on this trip with you"
c) "YES" ... offer some sort of future relationship "... But if you'd like, when you get back, I'd like to have dinner with you and hear all about it."
Don't think people with children who regret them hang out on /r/childfree. Honestly not a huge fan of that sub (some people are a little...unsophisticated? and have a really immature take on the kid/no kid dilemma. "ew, kids are stupid ugly and gross! labor is icky!" etc. etc. So you have to filter reallly well to find the good stuff on that sub). You might have better luck searching relevant terms across all of reddit to find pockets where people talk about that stuff.
Edit: I like this thread: http://www.metafilter.com/162732/Women-Who-Wish-Theyd-Never-Had-Kids
I think this will help you huge, bot only connecting with others but also to help find yourself and connect with it fondly. Connecting Across Differences: Finding Common Ground with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime https://www.amazon.com/dp/1892005247/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_JDxeGbM1JZJC1
Fidget toys are good for that sort of thing. They don’t require thought but keep your fingers busy so you won’t be distracted but you also won’t pick your skin off.
25 Pack Sensory Toys Set, Relieves Stress and Anxiety Fidget Toy for Children Adults, Special Toys Assortment for Birthday Party Favors, Classroom Rewards Prizes, Carnival, Piñata Goodie Bag Fillers https://www.amazon.com/dp/B093CVQ3R2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_B966E44MZHZQS2WKPCTW
I personally reccomend https://www.amazon.com/dp/0618233784/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_GHQS29ZW58ET0RMDPEM2
Even as a mom my oldest wasn't comfortable at first talking with me about it. So I got this book (literally the only one I could find that had more than a paragraph about menstruation) and we thumbed through it together. Afterwards I left it with her until she felt comfortable enough to come talk about questions she had.
Once the conversation started we did go into the different types of management (cup, pads, tampons, etc.) and gave her the opportunity to choose which she would like to try also making sure she knew she could swap to a different method or even just a different brand if her first choice didn't work for her.
Also if she has a phone get her a period tracking app! It has become an invaluable tool for me and my daughter to not only know about when to expect it to hit but it is incredibly helpful for doctors to track how her menstruation is going an if there are signs of something that needs to be treated.
Most important is to treat it as normal and no big deal. Leaks happen, surprises happen, and menstrual supplies are nothing to be ashamed of or feel the need to hide. This was a major disservice the women in my life did with me (constantly hiding supplies, mocking me for messing up my bedding/clothes) Something I am striving to change with my own child.
>I used JB Weld to adhere it to the wall, then surrounded the entire end of the rod that was against the wall with water resistant Locktite. Then I fashioned 2 "braces" out of duct tape to hold it in place for the 24hr curing process.
...you just voided your security deposit. This is not how you install a shower curtain rod! This is not what either JB Weld OR locktite is for!
If the adjustable ones wouldn't "hold" you should've installed some ceiling mounted curtain hangers and put a rod of the appropriate size through that.
Cute hats - warm beanies, fleece she can sleep in, tie kerchiefs she can wear when it gets warmer. (As a joke, bad wigs and bizarre hats get good laughs)
Cream for neuropathy - often with chemo you have some issues with numbness in the fingers and toes.
Chemo friendly shirts (they have Zippers along the shoulder line that make accessing a port so easy. These are amazing and get her like 2-3. Example - Care+Wear Women’s Dual Port Access Chemo Shirt https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B082FQBD9D/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_U3t2FbNYWEEP5?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Also maybe gift cards for clothes - some folks chemo is harsh and comfy sweats, warm socks, etc help. Being cold is often a chemo issue too.
Fuck anything pink and about battling this, or any shit with ribbons on it. Most of that shit is marked up crap that gives pennies to breast cancer.
And if she calls crying, let her cry. And rant and scream. Let her just get it out.
Don’t shy away from this, ask real questions. But if she doesn’t want to talk about it, find other topics you can. Just don’t abandon her.
Male here, but I have to recommend this book whenever I have the chance: Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
Junger is war correspondent, documentary filmmaker, writer, etc. He's seen way more than most of us ever will, and this book really drove home some points for me about what it means to be part of your community, part of society, and how we treat each other.
This review on Amazon sums it up very well:
"Tribe focuses on the growing disconnect we’re experiencing with one another as a society, and the far reaching consequences of that disconnect. It’s an eye-opening letter to the American public that politely reminds us that we’ve lost our way when it comes to being a closer knit community as a whole.
Not always, of course. In his book, he touches on how tragedies such as 9/11 brings us closer - albeit briefly. But once the dust settles, we fall back to our old ways.
This is not a book about war, the military, or PTSD. It’s about the loss of belonging, caring for our fellow man as we do about the ones closest to us. He uses a parable about a brief encounter he has with a homeless man as a young adult. The man sees that he’s on a backpacking trip on his own and asks if he has enough food for his trip. The young Junger, afraid of being mugged for his supplies, lies and tells the man that he has just a little food to last him. The homeless man tells Junger he’ll never make it on what he has and hands him his lunch bag that he more than likely received from a homeless shelter - probably the only meal the homeless man would have the entire day. Sebastian feels horrible about himself after that, but uses that lesson as a parable for Tribe.
Think of your fellow man before thinking of yourself. Because without that sense of humanism, togetherness, belonging, we’re all dead inside."
I suggest a latex pillow if you’re not allergic.
I have a latex mattress and pillow. They don’t cause pressure points!
I also have muscular dystrophy and fibromyalgia, so comfort in bed is really important to me.
PS: am stomach sleeper :)
Red bumps and pimples on your butt or thighs can one be a sign of a super-common condition called Keratosis pilaris. It’s just a build up of excess keratin around hair follicles. Gentle exfoliation, moisturizing, and limiting hot showers and baths can help reduce the appearance.
I use an Italy Towel/nylon exfoliating washcloth when I bathe, coupled with a gentle soap. It’s essentially an unscrunched bath scrubby and is great for daily gentle exfoliation. It has worked really well for me!
Friendships take time to develop. I move a lot, so I'm used to being the new girl with no friends. I've learned to be patient, don't take it personally when people cancel, and that everyone really wants more friends! Do speak up and tell others you'd love to hang out again, make a dinner party, or have more friends! Everyone wants to connect!
You are certainly welcome to state your needs in your phone calls- hey I'm calling because I had a rough week, hey I'm calling because I'd love if you'd listen for a bit, etc...
I take all kinds of random classes around my city (bike repair tonight, woodwork last week, I've also been to ballet, painting, and quilting.) Everyone's there because they want to be social in some form, so just be ready to pipe up and ask people about themselves!
meetup.com, couchsurfing, bumblebff are all great resources too.
I personally don't expect much form gym classes- since people seem into it and on a schedule- but others swear by yoga/zumba/pole/silks for meeting others.
And I've met the loveliest people volunteering (volunteers tend to be nice, plus helping others takes you out of your head for a bit) and through meditation groups.
But hey, youve got 50+ acquaintances! Just have a big party and bring everyone together. If even 10 people show, that's amazing!
It's a great list! The woman who wrote it wrote a book recently!
I'm a 34B and have been going braless more and more since I worked from home during the pandemic and rarely wore a bra then.
I don't mind bras, but I have a hard time finding ones I like. I was heartbroken to discover that Maidenform discontinued my favorite t-shirt bra a couple of years ago, and I've been putting off the torture of finding a new brand while my bras get older and saggier.
Actually, I got these stick-on, silicone nipple covers and wore them with a tight top and found I loved it! I'm uncomfortable showing off my nipples, but I was surprised to find myself perfectly comfortable with the natural shape of my breasts under a tight shirt that provides a little lift: Bristols 6 Inc Women's Adhesive Nippies Skin Covers https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001PU9A9Q/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_glt_i_1R78ZWHGF073F5BT96ZC?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Also, paradoxically, I love wearing longline bras with my 1950s vintage dresses; they are quite the opposite in terms of free-boobing it with nipple covers, but I love the shape they give me, and vintage-inspired undergarments are really the only way to make vintage garments look right (even more critical for historical fashion): https://ragoshapewear.com/products/rago-style-2202-long-line-firm-shaping-expandable-cup-bra?variant=19167755468911
Overall, I think my body and lifestyle allow me to see bras as more of a foundation tool than critical for my comfort (I know it's not that way for many breast-having folks.) I like bras' ability to give me the shape/look I want. If I don't desire a particular shape, I often go without! Never while sleeping, and always a sports bra for working out. It hurts to have them bounce around. My husband and I got caught in the rain the other day on a walk and I was in a pickle trying to run home holding both my tits and my hand over my glasses.
I’d check out this book to solve this: Connecting Across Differences: Finding Common Ground with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime https://www.amazon.com/dp/1892005247/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_JDxeGbM1JZJC1
Recommending a book: Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman, which dispells the rigid binary dichotomy between "logic" and "feeling" as modes of decision-making and makes a strong case for the importance of intuition. Fantastic book (either it or the author won a Nobel, IIRC), and it really helped me and changed my life.
Here's one! You can potentially find past editions for even less money. Also, check out bookfinder.com for other sellers with potentially lower prices, discounted older editions, charitable uses for funds generated by sales, etc.
I’m sorry you are in this bad situation. Personally, I would continue to be her friend, not because I approve of her actions, but because it’s ok to love a friend even though they are flawed and not perfectly moral. Also, hoes before bros. You may not want to listen to me because if any of my friends murdered someone, I would ask no questions and just help them bury the body.
You don’t know the whole story either. He may be cheating on her, he may be addicted to porn, he may be closeted in some way that is not honest in the marriage. If they’ve tried everything and it’s still not fixed, I assume he got a medical checkup and it’s not something obvious like low testosterone. Especially since she is taking it as a sign that something is wrong with her. Maybe gift her this book which is the best resource for fixing a dead bedroom, but otherwise, yeah.
Via a quick google search I found a similar one on Amazon.. it’s a 6 pack for like $11 plus they have a 10% off coupon. Might be worth trying out!
6PCS Stylish Braided Hair Elastics Rope Hair Ties Ponytail Holders, Black https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01ANILOF8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_9Z7RDbTAAVTBJ
/u/LilymyDear has it right. It must be hard with lives in two different countries. Following your career is a hard but important step but you also need balance in your life. You've been there three years and you don't have friends outside of work. Is there a language barrier for you? If you can, you might want to get outdoors in nature more and/or develop some friendships with women. These two things, for me, have been a great sense of balance from my partner and my family.
I understand the feeling of wanting to be with someone but wanting to want to be with (by) yourself. You need to find hobbies you can be passionate about. Or volunteer.
Around this time, for me, I arranged some tweet-ups for foodies, where people could all eat out at different restaurants together. It was a fun way to meet people and I made friendships I still have today.
Also, I'm not related to this site but i like http://www.happify.com. They have happiness-type activities and it's supposed to be based on the science of happiness. It helps you learn about and focus on what's most important to you.
Here's the secret:
I have a $35 bidet attachment I heard about on Reddit. Installed in 10 minutes, super easy. I find it necessary to guard my front goodies with a wad of TP so the water doesn't splash fecal matter toward them. Then just pay dry. I love being really clean all day.
Everyone has already given such great advice and lots of supportive comments. I want to give a shoutout to this workbook that many individuals with BPD find helpful: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07JQMQLZP/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Also DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) is shown to be helpful to manage many of those symptoms and that form of therapy lends itself well to group formats. If you live in the U.S. near a university some run affordable groups or offer sliding scale services for members of the community.
Longer. IMO, the book that really got it moving was Your Money or Your Life which was published first back in 1992, although I think it was a few years later that I read it. Still a great read, I bet, now that it's updated.
I think you would enjoy Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. It is a great book for people with quieter, more introverted personalities trying to navigate the corporate world.
Beyond that, I can sympathise. It is tough out there and many people do burn out for the reasons you enumerated. Definitely wishing you the best of luck with these feelings. I don't have personal advice to share, as I opted to work for myself instead to avoid feeling so stuck in the rat race. However, I really did enjoy Susan Cain's book, so I would recommend taking a look at it if you want more insight and advice.
Here's the Amazon link. It is illuminating reading. I'm not saying I agree with everything she had to say, but I will say that as a man, it was stunningly refreshing to see someone else acknowledging that male life has entire classes of difficulties that aren't even on most women's radar.
I loved the autobiography "Swimming to Anarctica" by Lynne Cox. She's a hero of mine- positive, inspiring, disciplined athlete.
This "sports memoir is the acclaimed life story of long-distance swimmer Lynne Cox, a woman whose drive and determination inspire everyone she touches."
exfoliating gloves (AKA "scrubby gloves" in my vernacular) are the shit. I've been using them since I was a teenager.
Check out the book So Good They Can't Ignore You. It is basically about how to get yourself in a fulfilling career even if you don't have a specific "passion." It is very against the typical "follow your passion" advice. It may initially come across like it's trying to say you can be happy in any job, but there are certain criteria that make for a fulfilling job and it doesn't sound like you're getting that right now.
It sounds like you need to start exercising a little more intensely. I find that if I am regularly doing weight bearing exercises and work on my flexibility by doing yoga 2 or 3 times a week at lot of my aches and pains go away. Focus on strengthening weak knee/lower back/whatever hurts areas. There are even yoga stretches to help with hand and foot flexibility.
Weight loss helps with foot, knee and back pain, so it sounds like you're already working on that aspect of it!
Stiff feet in the morning can also be a sign of plantar fascistic, which can result from wearing bad shoes, like heels, and things without the proper arch support. It's treated with is treated with wearing supportive shoes and these easy exercises.You can visit a podiatrist for a diagnosis and treatment. A physical therapist might also be a good place to start with coming up with stretches and exercises to help you out.
I don’t know much about her/her company, but the Bobbi Brown videos I’ve seen have been very approachable. She seems to be all about enhancing natural features but I’m sure has other more glam tutorials.
Anyways. There’s a deal for her masterclass if you are into this sort of learning style! https://www.masterclass.com/classes/bobbi-brown-teaches-makeup-and-beauty?utm_source=Paid&utm_medium=AdWords&utm_campaign=BBr&utm_content=Nonbrand-%7Bkeyword%7D-Consolidated_BM&utm_term=Aq-Prospecting&gclid=CjwKCAiAnO2MBhApEiwA...
Intruder alert, I'm a man (but I am over thirty).
My wife has bad periods so before we were actively trying for children she took the pill continuously to about having periods at all.
When we decided to start our family, she stopped taking the pill and within three months her cycle had settled down to normal. Our first baby was conceived immediately after her first 28 cycle.
Same for all three kids.
are my go-tos!
One caveat though is that your nipples can be a little itchy when you take them off from having something stuck to them all day. I don't think that's specific to the brand, it's happened to me with any brand I've used. Still beats wearing a bra any day though!
Glad I could change your life! 🤩
After I set it up and determined my goals it takes me maybe 5 min a day to categorize all my expenses and 30 min or less at the end of each month to review and adjust?
I’m a huge fan of the methods in Ramit Sethi’s book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761147489/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_2B5ZZ0NZXCPJF494X72K
So... I actually really love these yoga shorts under dresses because then I have POCKETS for all my dresses that are pocketless. I size up for comfort and get colors that coordinated with my dresses so it looks okay if any sees me pulling my phone out of the pocket or something.
Last year I read The Unwritten Rules of Professional Etiquette: Building a Positive Reputation in Graduate School.
This book has an entire chapter dedicated to imposter syndrome, --which is common in grad school, apparently-- including some cognitive behavioral therapy exercises designed specifically to address imposter syndrome.
I'd recommend the book just for the imposter syndrome section, even if you're not a grad student. The author is a licensed psychologist, an associate professor, and the director of clinical training in the clinical psychology doctoral program at California Lutheran University. He also runs his own private practice.
I always recommend this to people who are dealing with reactive/aggressive dogs:
Dog Bark Deterrent
It's basically compressed air but it's a LOT louder. I've used it a total of two times on my dog, both times stopped her dead in her tracks. It's harmless and effective. If a dog is antagonizing you - PSSSHHT!! I bet they'll stop real quick.
I got Bambody ones off from Amazon and primarily use then for light/spotting days and as overflow for heavy days. I am a nurse and frequently didn't have time to take a bathroom break so on the heavy days these would totally save me from leakage.
Also now that I am pregnant I wear them at night to absorb the after effects of my Progesterone vaginal suppositories I take to help hold onto that baby. The leakage at night would wake me up with cotton panties and cause labial irritation. The period panties are a godsend for that!
You may find the book Confessions of a Public Speaker and the related blog posts useful.
(One big hint, as others have said elsewhere in comments: practice!)
I could have written your post and this comment. 37 and always feel like the odd one out. I've been in counseling on and off the last ten years and when my counselor started steering the conversation towards my childhood being the source of my lack of self worth I brushed it off because I thought I had a great childhood.
Well over the past year I have had some breakthroughs and have come to recognize I was emotionally neglected as a child. My parents are very caring and responsible, but flawed people. Exactly as your situation I believe my parents love me but my dad never verbalized it or showed affection, my mom says it and I don't say it back, I do but I just cannot say it.
I am just at the point of recognizing how that has affected me, accepting it, setting boundaries, and forgiving my parents as they did the best they could with the emotional landscapes they have. My counselor recommended a few work books on self compassion and one Repeat After Me adult children overcoming dysfunctional family symptoms.
I always had a hard time making friends, but after my divorce 3.5 years ago I made a concerted effort to maintain friendships. Having healthy emotional boundaries has made a huge difference as I did not have them before. I would take it personally if I was left out or plans cancelled, assume it was something wrong with me. Now I just accept it and don't see it as a reflection of my self worth.
There's a brand new update to this classic Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom
The Vagina Bible, by Dr. Jen Gunter.
I cannot recommend this book more. It's fun to read, but it's all based in science. She's a good person to follow on Twitter, too.
I've heard good things about this book The Period Repair Manual, but I've never read it myself. I would also suggest trying some Sympto-Thermal Fertility Awareness tracking, to get idea of which part(s) of your cycle are so short. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is super helpful for getting started!
Serious answer: get you a great vibrator. An intense orgasm is typically sleep-inducing, unless you're too sexually frustrated to sleep.
I have chronic insomnia - I was on Reddit for 21 straight hours - but slept for 7 hours this afternoon/evening after "edging" for about 30 minutes until I felt relaxed enough to sleep. I don't use a toy though, only my finger. My ex-girlfriend (42) uses a VibeMax which seems to help her sleep (she has insomnia too, but she has 2 kids in her household).
I read the novel, The Romantic Movement, by Alain de Botton after a painful breakup and remember feeling a sense of gratitude for discovering it at that period in my life. Maybe it could also be helpful to you.
I can't stand anything other than these two types in my cartilage:
Eta: captive bead hoops are comfortable too, but they are a pain for me to remove and replace when I'm dying my hair.
There is an amazing book called e-myth: why small businesses don’t work and how to succeed. A best friend bought it for me when I tried to launch my own business and it really illuminated all the unknown unknowns for me. You might be able to rent it for free on your reading app from your public library. I really encourage you to check it out.
Amy Cuddy is a Harvard psychologist that has some great advice backed science about how to change the power of your presence, esp beneficial for the workplace. I'll link her Ted Talk and her book.
These two products have been gamechangers for me (Amazon links below):
"Your Money or Your Life" Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin
gave powerful new perspective on my relationship with money and personal power
"Talking from 9 to 5" Deborah Tannen
Boosted my ability to present and receive real communication to clients, mostly male decision makers at corporate level (but also quite handy with contractors, craftsmen, even my husband.)
You are answering an argument I didn't make. I didn't tell this woman to have a kid if she didn't want a kid.
But she had one.
If you do murder someone and get thrown in jail for it, you can learn to be happy in prison. That was the point of Man's Search for Meaning.
You seem to be very invested in the idea that we are all slaves to our emotions and bad choices.
My apologies for being a guy under 30, but I'd just like to say:
Nonfiction: Economics in One Lesson
Fiction: My Antonia
I used to use onethat was marketed for sore nipples, during breastfeeding. I used it solely for my lips at night and it melted in so well and kept them hydrated. Sometimes I followed it with Laniage Lip Sleeping Mask or just plain Vaseline. I think I want to order some right now. 👄
Girl. I understand. I’m 1 month post breakup from a 10 year relationship…. Now that I’m no longer on his sleep schedule I worked to figure out what schedule I like most.
What works for me:
make sure to get a workout in earlier in the day.
Dinner: I try to eat sleep comforting foods. https://www.bistromd.com/weight-loss/9-bedtime-foods-for-weight-loss
An hour before bed: bathroom routine, then 15min of Yoga, a mug of hot tea, then NO more SCREENS. I’ll play a relaxing playlist, then get into bed, then I’ll switch to an audible book with the sleep timer on and I’m owwwwttt lol.
Product I love: lip mask! Glad I tried it. Def a lifesaver in the winter! [Carenel] Lip Sleeping Mask... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078RKMPZR
I attended a book club one which i've been going to now for 2.5 years. It's awesome. There's only 5 of us though so it's a small group (started out larger and dwindled down to us 5 and is actually not even posted on meetup.com anymore since we have an established group now). It's a good group and i love the books we pick and meeting once a month is a manageable commitment for me.
The girl who runs the book club recently started a game night meetup that also meets once a month so i started going to that too (it's a little different since i knew her beforehand) but a few other people came to the game night (it's co-ed). and it was a lot of fun. Again, it was a small group, about 7 of us. some of the other meetups i know of in my area are like 100 people who turn up for an event so that's a little big for me.
I'm in a suburban area. If you are debating whether or not to go to one, i would suggest going, at least give it a try, most people I have come across are really friendly and I think everyone is there for the same reason - to meet new people. so no one is going to really exclude you or judge you (if that's why you're posting of course :))
Depends on the guy. Smokers are much more likely to have problems with erections because of decreased blood flow. Other health issues and medications can also play a role.
Age is also important. Here is an article that discusses that.
Individuals' experiences are anecdotal and give a very limited and skewed picture of the issue.
I'm in your age range, a few of my friends met their wives on Match.com. I guess, it's for more serious daters. I've never used dating applications or site myself but I've known enough success stories. I'm personally just waiting for Covid to calm down because I want to meet someone organically.
That's totally doable for me! I did the Clermont, FL 70.3 and it looks like it has just over 2000ft climbing, so it's comparable. I highly recommend that, btw, if you feel like traveling for an early spring race.
That's a tough question, because every man has different wants... and everyone is generally willing to compromise on a few wants if it means they get what they need.
This was an interesting list for me to read. It shows you the basic qualities that men (in general) want. It also shows how their importance changes with age.
Some subreddits have really active discords too think this is the link for the Casual Conversation one, which helps with the immediate need for some social contact.
The /r/RedditForGrownups sub also has an active discord here in the only post.
Depends on how nerdy you want to go. I would describe myself as nerdy and I went on meetup.com for my city, which has multiple "nerdy" groups. They were way beyond me though--D&D, larping, the whole 9 yards, so that was a bit of a disappointment. Still, if that is the kind of thing you are looking for, and you live in a big city, that's the way to go.
Get bone-conduction headphones like AfterShockz, they don’t block outside sound from getting to your ear. They don’t cover the ear at all in fact.
this is what I’m talking about
Carry some mace spray as well. Stay on lit paths, preferably in front of businesses or houses where others may have cameras should anything serious happen.
I saw this dress featured on the Today show and thought it was adorable.
BTFBM Women Summer Bohemian Floral Casual Wrap V Neck Ruffle Cap Sleeveless Belt A-Line Pleated Hem Swing Midi Sun Dress https://www.amazon.com/dp/B091CFZKL5/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_P2BZBCRPQT328QPPBHN2?psc=1
Ah, a fellow sexy sleeper.
I don't know if the mouthguard will help you with mouth breathing. I suspect not. I tried one of these chinstraps for a while due to snoring (allergy meds and less alcohol did help, however) but didn't find that it helped. But it may help with your issue.
I've actually gotten my last few swim suits form Amazon. I was tired of the same old selection at the local stores - all I can seem to find is skimpy bikinis that don't cover my whole butt or super old-lady style one piece suits with weird ruffles and flower print and shoulder straps that don't stay in place. There's nothing in between locally.
My newest one is this one from Amazon. It fits great, gives nice lift to the bust without feeling like I'm going to fall out of the thing, covers my whole butt and has a high waist to help hide my spare tire. Not that I'm that concerned with my belly, but I am 35 and had a kid almost 3 years ago, so skin is a little bit loose and I just don't want it hanging out. When I tried this suit on, I felt so comfortable and secure and sexy without having to show everything. As far as durability - time will tell. It only just arrived a couple months ago and I haven't had an opportunity to use it yet as upstate NY only just started getting hot enough for it this week.
I use the generic unbranded version of these things that I ordered straight from AliExpress (Amazon isn't really a thing where I live). Honestly, they're doing a pretty damn good job. I've washed and reused one pair waaaaaay more than I was supposed to already and they still stick to me like... well, glue. I keep a backup pair with me at all times anyway in case I have an accident, but I haven't needed to resort to that yet, and I get verrrrrry sweaty. Just make sure your skin is dry and you don't have moisturiser on your chest when you stick then on!
I'm not sure what your skin tone is, but if you look around a bit, you'll find ones that are made to blend in with darker skin. I'm never going back to bras lol. The only time they might be an issue is if you're wearing extremely tight clothing made of thin fabric, but other than that - perfection, I legit only remember they're there when I get home and I'm like "oh right I should take these off".
I really, really love Tabino Yado bath salts. They’re individual use packets modeled off of Japanese hot springs. The scents are mild compared to a lot of other bath products I’ve tried and I find them incredibly relaxing for some reason. Plus the price is good! They’re usually around $16 on Amazon, cheaper if you have a Japanese supermarket around that carries them. Even at the Amazon price it works out to about $1 a bath.
I like to put on instrumental music of some kind or a podcast. Candles can be nice, and something to drink. And a body lotion to use afterwards is always great
I would recommend checking out this book about women and finances. One of the concepts discussed is how women often have feelings of guilt surrounding money and try to have a more "make do with what I can" attitude.
I have a small blender like this one - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004P2OLB8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_XcEOFbY3PTHR9 - that I love. I use it every morning to mix up my coffee, collagen supplement and creamer and it makes my morning coffee such a special treat!
Smart plugs like these - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079MFTYMV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_bhEOFb16E6F1S - are nice. We have them for our bedside lamps.
Where are reading testimonials about having more energy than ever at 40? Because if this coming from social media posts I'd be very wary and take it with a grain of salt.
Tiredness with aging is very natural and normal. Sounds like you're already doing a lot of selfcare. My only suggestion since you're standing so much is to invest in circulation knee high socks. Your legs will feel so much and your heart will thank you.
Edit: here are the socks I'm referring to
Are you looking for something like this or a different style? I just got the linked ones a couple weeks ago so I can't speak to the long term usage. By flaking do you mean from the earpieces/cushions or the actual body of the headphones? In my experience that flaking from the earpieces typically happens with the faux leather ones. I haven't had that issue with the ones that use regular fabric unless the headphones were several years old and the foam was crumbling from age. I will say that if I have them positioned a certain way they get uncomfortable but I am VERY sensitive to pressure near my ears so you may not have that issue. I have had issues with over the head style headphones being too big. These do go down small enough for me although they are at the smallest setting. If you need smaller it may be worth checking the ones designated as being for kids.
ETA The actual ear cushions aren't overly large on my ears. They are just enough bigger that the ear is fully covered but not so big that I feel like cushions are swallowing my head. It's about the same size as the palm of my hand.
If you have cash get Thrive Causmetics Infinity Waterproof, if you want something more affordable try this particular Kiss glue. They seem to have the exact formula but Thrive's bottle design is slightly better because the Kiss glue's bottle is more prone to clogging and you should store it upright. Either way both glue take very little time to dry (but I do recommend brushing a tiny bit of black eyeshadow at the base of the lashes to prevent the glue from sticking to other parts of your eyelid).
3D Mask Bracket Internal Support Frame Silicone Cool Mask Insert Lipstick Protector, Reusable Face Mask Accessories Easier to Breathe & Talk, 3pcs Clear https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08FFRHC7Z/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fab_PoDEFbTV5P907