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Is it the poverty or the death of your hopes and dreams of a new life in a new place that's killing you? Either way, even if it seems hopeless right now, that's your grief and depression talking. Anybody can wind up broke and needing help; all it takes is the right combination of a few little bits of bad luck.
Maybe you made some mistakes, but so what? We have all made mistakes that could have had disastrous consequences; for most of us they didn't but that's just our good luck. I made a lot of mistakes, and ended up in some pretty desperate circumstances myself at one point. Things looked so utterly hopeless to me but I see now that they never were. Please look around for some help; taking charity is not a disgrace when disaster has befallen your life.
Here's a TED talk by Becky Blanton, about how she went through a period of homelessness, before, after, and during which was a successful journalist. If it can happen to somebody with a career...
Tell your parents about it. I don't know your nationality, but here in the UK you can legally leave home if you are 16 or above, and if you have finished your primary educatin (+Year 11), you can legally tell your parents too f**k off and run away. This is only in the UK so I don't know about other countries as I am only 16 myself. EDIT: You mentioned grades so I am guessing you ar in the US. I do suggest you check out the laws there about this!
As for your suicidal feelings, I feel that you need a focus or a hobby to get you through this horrible time. Unfortunatly, I cannot tell other people to stop beatin you up, but try to stay away from those types as much as you can. Like I said, I feel you need a hobby. Even if this is as much as playing video games (I don't know what boarding schools allow) or sport, try to be active in something that takes your mind off your worries.
If you ever feel the need to talk to someone feel free to message me your MSN or contact infomation as I am always online. I have been in your kind of situation before with these feelings. Although I am not even 10% cured, I still want to help other people.
Thank you for posting!
Victor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning wrote about a case that might help you a bit:
>Once an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of his severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else. Now, how could I help him? What should I tell him? I refrained from telling him anything but instead confronted him with the question. ‘What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?’ ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!’ whereupon I replied, ‘You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it was you who have spared her this suffering – to be sure, at the price that you now have to survive and mourn her.’… In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds meaning, such as the meaning of sacrifice.”
I don't know you or your friend, but he certainly sounds pretty special. I don't think you have to go through life just to keep others happy; but perhaps If you view your life in part as bearing witness to your friend's life and by treasuring your friend's influence, it may be a bit easier to grieve and morn.
All the best.
So, if I understand you correctly, you took a sales position as a means to an end, not as a career goal. But the idea of somebody with social anxiety and panic disorder in a sales role threatens to make my brain short out. It seems to me it must have been a huge sacrifice, to put yourself in role where you need to be both social and confident. To make that kind of a sacrifice and then have everything fall apart with the economy...I think it's totally normal to feel like you're drowning in despair.
I gave up many years of my life and much effort trying to fulfil an agenda that was just not suited to me. It all fell apart for me, too, for different reasons, but nonetheless I felt like I was in a hold I couldn't climb out of, and most days I couldn't see a reason to climb out. What got me out was clinging to the one thing that I saw as my "vocation", the thing I was meant to do. I still do it, I still don't get paid for it, but now I have a career that supports me and gives me room to do my "real work".
I know it's very hard, but please keep talking about this, and consider consulting someone about the issues you're having with your meds. It sounds like you're needing to self-medicate with alcohol and cannabis, and that's probably not the best solution for somebody with your issues.
In tough situations like this, one thing that can sometimes help is to be ruthlessly honest with yourself about what you can and can't control, and to try and avoid being emotionally invested in anything you can't control. In particular, you can't ever control outcomes, you can only control your part of the process.
I find a lot of wisdom and comfort in this talk by Srikumar Rao. I hope there's something there for you too.
No, she's not. She's a bitch. If she doesn't have the common decency to add you to facebook, among what I assume to be other unkind things she does to you, she's neither interesting nor beautiful.
She doesn't want you. Guess what? Her fucking loss. Cause you, you're pretty damn awesome, the fucking bees knees, and if she can't see it, if she can't even take the time to get to know you, sucks to be her.
You're probably thinking right now, "I'm not awesome in any way". Bullshit. Stop thinking like that right now. Depression makes you lose sight of what is and love, love makes you blind. And friend, you're mixing two things that make any man dumber than a bag of hammers.
Here's what I want you to do, a list:
1. Read the Tao Te Ching and The War of Art
2. Take up running
3. Every morning and every night while doing your bathroom routine, look in the mirror and remind yourself how amazing you are. Say "Bronner, you are intelligent, kind, charismatic etc" whatever you wish to say, but say it with conviction.
4. Stop talking to this girl.
You deserve something a lot better than this girl has to offer, and you're going to find her, whoever she is, someday. Right now you just have to work on you, and make you the best possible you ever. So that when you finally meet her, you'll be ready. Because, I'll let you in on a little secret, nobody wants to date a lost puppy dog. Women want to date a man, a strong, confident and sexy man. And men aren't lost puppies.
Is it going to be easy? Not a chance. Are you going to stumble? Oh yeah. Is it going to be worth it? Most definitely. Now get out there and be the man you know you can be.
We all do some fucked up sexual shit at that age, man. You're not a monster, and a therapist would not freak out if you told them about this. They've heard things far, far worse.
edit: also, it's not a magic bullet for your social circumstances, but try reading How To Win Friends and Influence People (if you're interested I can PM you a link to download it, fuck copyright), and /r/seduction can be a useful tool for social interaction with both sexes.
I don't really know anything about your situation and I sure there are huge differences between us, so I guess just take this metaphorically.
I used to paint as my way to express myself, then I fell down some stairs and injured a nerve in my arm and neck. While it does not prevent me from using my arm I do pay a price for doing so. I could still paint if I really needed to but I might end up in bed for a week. So I quit painting altogether for quite a while hoping my arm would get better.
It did not, in fact it got worse somehow. I took pain meds for a little while but they did not make me able to paint, just apathetic to my situation.
In the time that I could not paint I started messing around with computers more until I started doing some basic photography and photo editing. Then I discovered you can paint using the computer using only wrist movements which don't cause nearly as much pain as the full arm movements of painting and I started learning new techniques and continued to grow.
I guess what I am trying to say is that if it were not for the pain and suffering I would not have discovered these other things and I know you are not going to like to hear this but I learned at times to be grateful for my suffering as it allows me to see more than I did before the pain.
Does this mean that everything is perfect all the time, you know being grateful and seeing things differently than before? Absolutely not, in fact I feel more pain and suffering now than ever before, but I know how to express it so it does not eat me up inside and I can see a beauty that would otherwise be obscured.
I still have excruciating pain 24/7, but it does not limit me as much as before because I have learned how to utilize it as an impetus towards creation, which gives meaning to it. You might like to read Victor Frankel's Man's Search for Meaning, if you are feeling too down you might want to skip to the second half first.
My girl I shall respond to this more later! But for right now, I suggest you talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. If not that your parents. If that doesn't work I suggest you go to the hospital they will help you. If you live in the USA there are hotlines that you can call. :) That is all I an suggest. Trust me I am 16 and I was where you were (depression wise) last year. My mom saved me. I went to the hospital and got some help. No one can change this but you. Looks don't matter. Here is something to make you happy
First, it's absolutely not silly to be posting here. It sounds like you're losing hope, and that's reason enough for concern.
I kind of think there must be good reasons why you're stuck where you are; you just haven't found them yet. Did you ever have a career goal, even as a child? Even if it was unrealistic, there's information in there about your identity and preferences.
It sounds like there's a disconnect between your deep desire to have a more independent and meaningful life and your ability to identify relevant goals and work toward them. (That sounds kind of jargon-y, sorry, but I hope you know what I mean!) Sometimes in situations like there's some sort of unresolved issue, or some underlying anxiety or other debilitating emotion that we don't identify because we've also had it so it doesn't seem like "something".
What you say about feeling like you have no control in where things lead to...have you always felt that way? Because in one sense you're right; we have no control over most of the outcomes in life, and being emotionally invested in that is a recipe for despair. I love this talk by Srikumar Rao about how the recipe for happiness is investing in the process. I don't mean to suggest that just watching this video will change your life and make everything okay...wouldn't it be great if it were that simple, eh?
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/srikumar_rao_plug_into_your_hard_wired_happiness.html
But usually when a smart, decent, caring person like yourself is stuck, it's not one thing. It usually takes a "perfect storm" of factors to maroon somebody like you in a situation like yours, where you're at the bottom of a pit and every way out is a steep climb. So there may be a lot of pieces in the puzzle of how you got here and how to get out, but maybe Rao has his finger on one of them, and even putting one into place will probably help.
The fact that you feel genuinely bad about it says a lot about your character. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, that's part of being human.
This may help, I'm available for then next couple hours if you want to PM me. Remember we are here for you :)
These are some screenshots of the PM's I had with him.
There's a really bizarre disconnect when you talk with him. It's unsettling. He refused to address any of the problems I brought up, and just kept up the same BS schtick. I would have hoped the last message I sent him got through to him but I saw the posts in the other thread, and it's clear he's not interested in helping anyone, he just wants to get his agenda across.
The user keeps talking about "we" like he's a part of a group but there is no way in hell any legitimate organization would do something like this. I thought the person may have had good intentions and just was being misunderstood, but after talking to him there's no way that's true.
Look up Mindfulness in Plain English. It's hard at first, but even a few minutes of meditation a day can help with both anxiety and depression.
As a college dropout myself, I understand how it feels. You've been told your whole life that you have to go to college, that everything you've done has been building up to college, that college is the only way to avoid flipping burgers your whole life. That's bullshit. A degree matters far, far less than being passionate about what you do.
Here's a list of hobbies. Pick one that you think you can make money at and give it a serious try. Repeat until you find one you can honestly say you'd be happy doing for the rest of your life.
You say that the only thing keeping you going was the hope of returning to college. Again, I understand - I went through that same phase. But think about it: would going back to college have made you happy? Were you even happy while you were there the first time? I'm guessing no. I wasn't, nor were any of the other dropouts I know.
This isn't the end of the world, and you're not a failure. You tried going the way you were told to go and found that that path didn't work. But that's okay, because there are other paths all over. Who knows, maybe one of them takes you to a better place than the path you tried to follow would have.
This is the first comment I have ever made in this subreddit. Don't do it. I'd care!
Your dad would care.
Forget about the gamer comments. They are just showing the world they haven't figured life out yet either.
One of the most important lessons I have learned in life is that things aren't set in stone. You describe your situation, and think this is your life. But this is just a state of being, not a lifelong trait.
You CAN be happy. It's a skill you can learn and practice. And you don't have to figure it all out yourself. We have thousands of subreddits to seek expert help from.
Read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. It contains the secret to success in life.
Anonymously do something nice for someone tomorrow.
I'm no expert at giving advice in this subreddit. So you got my debut comment. I'm on my phone. I should be asleep. But I had to speak up.
Meditation.
Keystone habits.
For meditation, see Mindfulness in Plain English. Meditation is hard at first, but it becomes enjoyable very quickly. Even a few minutes a day can be beneficial.
Keystone habits are positive habits that you build not for their own sake, but to exercise and maintain your self-discipline. Willpower works like a muscle, when you use it, it gets stronger. What are you not doing that you should be doing? Brushing your teeth twice a day? Making your bed? Exercising? Maybe you haven't read as much as you'd like to lately? Think of something - just one thing - and then turn it into a quick and easy daily activity. Something you can do in ten minutes, tops, like taking a walk around the block, or reading a single page of your book. Then do it. Then do it again tomorrow. And the next day. Once you've done it for long enough that you're sure of yourself, make it harder - two blocks, two pages - or add something new. It's slow progress, but it's progress. Way too many people try to do everything at once, and then give up when they can't handle it. You build positive habits slowly, establishing a foundation on which the rest of your responsibilities can lay, building your discipline and self-esteem at the same time. This post has more details.
Best of luck =)
Practice. Write until your fingers bleed. Remember that every word has worth, but only as symbol and an an incantation for emotions, ideas, sensations. Think of it as kidnapping a reader and taking them on a joyride.
May I suggest reading 'The Elements of Style' and "On Writing", by Stephen King? I'd provide a link, but part of being a writer is being self motivated...
Yes, the WWF is an excellent idea. Green Peace and Peace Corps are also solid options. Look into them, they may be exactly what you are looking for. Maybe Sierra Club as well, depending upon what country you are in. This could well solve many of these issues: you'll meet like-minded people, get a little money for rewarding work, and be doing something you are passionate about. Don't be afraid to drop everything, especially if you are as miserable as you say. But... make sure it's what you want, you know? Read up on this stuff, it is a commitment (I'm thinking Peace corps specifically).
About finding yourself... honestly? I haven't a clue. I'm where you are, listless and unsure about myself. It sucks. A lot. All I can say is, don't stand in your own way. If you see something you want, go for it. Go ahead and take risks, otherwise you'll always be stuck in the same rut. It's not much, but I'm afraid it's all I've got on that one :(. Do things with yourself, and don't get so caught up in the end goal of 'finding yourself' that you allow the process to suffer from it. Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin is a kind of hell, but there's no instant relief for this sort of thing. Test your limits, try your boundaries. Not sure what sort of interest you might have in philosophy, but try reading up on some stuff, existentialist writing is interesting and may well help you in these endeavors. I might recommend Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning as well. I'm not that big of a fan, actually, but I know a lot of people who are, and swear by what he says in it.
Sorry I can't more fully address this, I'm short on time (>.<). Feel free to PM me, and I'll get back to you ASAP. Good luck man, I know what you are going through. Lacking a strong sense of identity is a terrible thing to suffer. Good luck, and remember that you've plenty of time yet.
Original at TED.com is here: http://www.ted.com/talks/jd_schramm.html
Regarding Sploxy's concern about the stats, I am familiar with the actual stats and I think he misspoke and meant 37% more likely.
I appreciate your sentiment, I really do. Seriously, thank you. But I want you to understand something first... why I can't agree that suicide is necessarily selfish.
Like I've told a friend or two about all this... but 1) they do not relate very well, and 2) they can't really do a lot for you. They can't monitor you 24/7 to make you stop yourself. Sure, they can provide emotional support, and that's not to be underrated. But honestly even the best of friends or family, in my limited experience, either worry too much about you and by asking them for support you've made their life worse, or they just get tired of you saying how fucked up you are and hearing how you've binged again despite your "never again" promise.
Bill Zeller was part an example to me not commit suicide the first two times, but now I agree with at least one of his views more than ever. I quote:
"People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.
Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't fucking take it anymore."
I can relate to the pain and loneliness. I suffer from severe chronic depression and have so for 23 years. The loneliness can cause so much pain that it seems unbearable. Maybe looking for hobby's to take up your time would be helpful. Could also look into Facebook groups that do activities regularly or a meetup.com group in your local area that do activities you might enjoy. This gets you out of the house, doing something and you may find some people that you click with, become good friends with and meet up a bit more regularly to do some activities and take up some of that free time you have.
Coping with the pain is such a hard thing to do but there are a lot of coping strategies out there, you just have to find one that works best for you. Really liking a girl that has that catch to it really makes things difficult and I feel really bad that you have to experience it.
You may surprise yourself with how much you can endure. Maybe you already have? There can be meaning in suffering. Have your read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl? This was written by a psychiatrist who survived years at auschwitz. He did not feel the hopeless suffering of the concentration camp was meaningless.
Or maybe try a different route. I was once so deep in an anxiety disorder that I gave up all hope of getting better. I was certain I would not. I couldn't motivate myself to move forward on my own behalf. I was terrified of taking any kind of psychiatric medication. I was stuck. But I kept trying for the folks that cared for me. On that motivation, I barely managed to stay on medication long enough to get some relief. Then I got better, much to my surprise. So I guess I'm saying, grab onto whatever motivation you can. The future is not certain.
>I'm wanting to be a comedian when I grow up, but my school is the worst. Never laugh at any of my jokes, never saying anything good about them and only how im unfunny, and nobody there likes me.
Make a joke about that, you have the set up, where's the punchline?
Write any ideas that come for that down, maybe you can work it into a routine someday.
>But then College comes around.
Don't try to even think about that yet, that's just anxiety talkin' in your head. You stay, here, now, where you are, pay attention to what you are doing and experiencing and write it down. As a comedian you have write a lot, you have to pour forth mounds of shit to squeeze out one tiny diamond of a good joke.
You don't always have to write funny to be funny, read some Stephen King, when he makes you laugh in the build up or middle of a horror story, figure out what he did and try to do it yourself. Stephen King's "On Writing" may inspire/guide you, go find that. Lloyd Kaufman's book will help you get where you are going as well.
Sometimes people won't laugh at your jokes, be ready for that.
Learn to relax more, if you find yourself stretching too far into the future or dwelling on the past, remind yourself "Do something here, now.", and write your thoughts down, get them out. Find the punchline.
Make sure you get into drama class/club in high school.
Don't forget me when you are famous.
No problem! The 2 best sites for starting are code academy (www.codecademy.com) and Khan Academy. They both have different learning paths, so you'll get to try out a few different languages as well as make some basic projects.
For books, the "Head First" series are fantastic! I'm pretty sure you can find a free pdf of "Head First Java" or "Head First C#" on Google.
For video tutorials, thenewboston on YouTube has awesome stuff. Start at lesson 1 and go!
For certification, I got to take the Microsoft MTA exams for free because I was unemployed. This cert says I have a foundational knowledge of C#. Depending where you are, it may also be available for free to you. Oracle now have an entry level cert for Java - sering how popular Java is, that may be the cert to go for!
Seriously the internet is a great resource for free education and the programming community want more enthusiastic, good programmers. This stuff can give you the ability to be really good at a really valuable skill. Good luck, if my dumb ass can do it, anyone can! It's intimidating at first - but stick with it!
Hey, are you me? Get out of my head
No one can tell you what to do or how you should be. That is the blessing and the curse of being a person.
You have control over yourself and over the future. That's fucking terrifying but it is also empowering. I recommend you read Man's Search for Meaning. I find it super helpful.
And if you ever want to talk or vent then hit me up.
Something that was helpful to me when those questions were swirling around my mind was "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". He basically states that the majority of people live without a defined life philosophy, and default into enlightened hedonism, but then goes on to describe the nature of the ancient stoics. It may not be for everyone, but I appreciated the direction and practical advice for how to structure a life philosophy.
As for finding something unconditional, I hope you find it. In my life I strive to be the person providing unconditionally and hoping to receive it back. Mixed results thus far.
hug
Lonely 22 year old here.
You don't need a girlfriend. Getting together with someone would be awesome for a while, but no one can lift you out of what you're feeling right now. Only you can do that.
I completely understand why you want one, I can remember feeling the same way. The thing I eventually realized was, I wanted a girlfriend because I thought it would make me happy, but that wanting was the reason not having one made me unhappy. I've felt significantly better since I stopped wanting to find someone so badly.
I recommend checking out Mindfulness in Plain English and starting a meditation habit. The idea is to learn how to dismiss all the wants and negative thoughts that make you miserable and instead just enjoy being alive. It really works - it's even used by therapists to treat depression. It's hard and not that enjoyable at first, but if you stick with it, even a minute of meditation a day can help.
Best of luck =)
Please, please trust a stranger...
Either read "The Power Of Now" by Eckart Tolle, or find him on YouTube and listen to him. This man saved my life when I went through the same thing. I had my pistol at my temple and my finances picture in my lap, but all I could think of in that moment was Eckart Tolle's words.
Love and peace brother/sister
I know what you're talking about. One of the first things I read when I was looking for a way out of depression was 'Mindfulness in Plain English' which discusses this idea. It makes sense on some level, but there is a lot more going on than that.
You're smart. Acknowledge this. I used to be homeless. That shit happens. It's not anything to be ashamed of as long as you work your way out of it the old fashioned way. Try reading "The Richest Man in Babylon".
this book will get you on your way to basics of budgetting. It was written by a bank during the turn of the century. It's not a bunch of get-rich-quick advice, more along the lines of honest and basic financial principles, and if you're willing to work hard, you can reclaim your life.
It seems to me that you are not necessarily in a bad place, emotionally. You don't seem to be clinically depressed, but philosophically troubled. You are essentially parroting Eccesiastes which is suffused with the theme of impermanence.
If this is the case, then maybe it will be worthwhile to learn how others have approached the question. Your reading list might as well start with Ecclesiastes, then perhaps try Victor Frankl's <em>Man's Search for Meaning</em>. You will not necessarily find "the answer" or an answer that works for you, but you might find some comfort knowing that you are not the only one with these thoughts.
Ah the sign of a true redditor. "The world is coming to an end, aliens are attcking, asteroids are crashing down, oh the humanity" then someone else comes in "Quick, how is your cat", "great, he did the funniest thing today".
I'm glad you are doing well. There are plenty of free online resources to continue your education, Khan Academy is one I like.
People call it the Mexican version of the Bermuda Triangle. I’m more interested in the reports of extraterrestrial life there, fake or not I want to experience all the crazy things that happen there, and life and death. I’m going to camp there and maybe set up a few cameras.
Edit: If you’re interested there is brand new movie about it on Netflix.
Wow. I can understand that. 34 is a lot of years to be struggling. No doubt. When did it start if you remember. Any particular age or range of age period?
P.S. You gotta try medicinal mushrooms if you haven't already. They are supposedly good at altering your brain chemistry and possibly in a good way. Also have you tried fasting? If so, for how many days?
If you don't get health insurance soon don't let that stop you from finding a therapist.
Call around to social service organizations. Many offer sliding rates for therapy or could refer to someone who does.
Here's first person article about going thru bankruptcy. https://lifehacker.com/what-you-should-know-about-bankruptcy-from-someone-who-1463705702/amp
Seek out bankruptcy Meetup groups. Has to be many in the US especially after the Great Recession.
Good luck and remember to fight the good fight!!
As far as the employment aspect goes I'll second temping and don't be afraid to lie about your skills. It's low stakes and gives you a chance to try out different organizations. Maybe entertain the idea of a very temporary food service job so you can graze and keep fed.
Apply for food stamps - you've been paying for them. It's what they are for.
Even if you don't have anything to do that day, go outside.
Read to fill your spare time; especially longer form stuff. Especially not news type stuff. Maybe Khan Academyclasses will help you keep your head clear.
I've been in similar circumstances. Maybe worse. You'll be fine. I swear.
Do you have any family to contact about your situation? He's bad for you emotionally.
I read an article that links depression with inflammation, check it out. It was insightful to what a physical cause of depression might be. (In reference to some of your other posts)
"Scientists are suggesting that depression is a result of inflammation" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=8836099
Your situation is very tough, your body isn't being helpful along with your very unfortunate situation.
How was your mental situation over a year ago?
Have you collected welfare yet? The program is there for crisis situations and the case workers are knowledgeable about substance abuse programs and how to help people with chequered past get a job. There are online AA meetings. There are resources out there brother.
You have an amazing head on those shoulders. Understand that even though you may not have had formal schooling, you can still vastly increase your knowledge. Khan Academy is a great place to start. Read: anything that interests you. It fuels the mind. I'm talking books, books of any sort. The library is the perfect place for that.
From a purely biological standpoint, physical attractiveness is the first thing a potential mate notices. Respect your body, treat it well, and reap the benefits. You would be so surprised what just an hour of cardio and some weightlifting once a day, 6 days a week can do for you.
Manage your time properly. Make a schedule and stick to it. Work, work out, feed the mind. Always ensure plenty of time to sleep and rest your hardworking brain.
Video games are great; I fucking love them. But I can't always escape into them if I have pressing matters to attend to. Instead of using them as an escape, use them as a reward. It's amazing how you can trick your mind to work hard when there is a reward at the end of it.
And please: do not be so hard on yourself. Understand that self-loathing is only going to break you down. Keeping positive in the midst of despair is the best way of accomplishing your goals and leading a more productive life. Harness this positivity. Make the day your own. Seize it. Rise up. It's yours for the taking.
Hello again. I’m sorry if it took me a while to reply, I only just got back from my work.
Since I’ve never completely learned a language, I don’t have too much specific advice, but one thing I really recommend from my experience is Anki, which is a flash-card tool. I find it really helpful for studying vocabulary, it makes memorizing long lists of words much easier if you have the time to set it up. It doesn’t help too much with grammar, which is unfortunately where I was always the weakest, but if you’re having trouble studying vocabulary it could really help. That’s about all I can think of for now, but if I notice something else which could help, I will mention it.
I really hope you don’t give up. Language learning takes a long time and can be really frustrating, but remember, you never fail irreversibly until you decide to stop trying, and once you succeed, you’ll have gained a skill for life.
"This too shall pass". As someone who use to have bad PTSD, I would think that the lows would last forever. If you can, please realize that this is a rhythm and that the highs will soon come.
And yes, this is a safe place to post whatever you feel like sharing so please post away. There is a great book, the PTSD workbook that can really help you control your moods, thoughts, and emotions so that you can be the master of your mind instead of it running you: http://www.abebooks.com/PTSD-Workbook-Simple-Effective-Techniques-Overcoming/13667585642/bd?cm_mmc=gmc-_-gmc-_-PLA-_-v01
That is the book. Here is a great audio recording as well called "Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs9htH_7hRk
And please realize you're not your thoughts. You can have a thought without it being your identity. Lots of people have crazy thoughts when they feel low and awesome thoughts when they feel high. You are the thinker apart from the thoughts.
Two good books that helped me a lot were "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth", both are by Eckhart Tolle and would be good reads for how the mind operates and how to live peacefully in the present moment.
I would advocate doing something different. The therapy can only take you so far, same as with anti-depressants. Not everyone is the same; some people need only mild doses and everything is peachy. Others don't receive the same benefit, and may need to try other solutions in order to progress.
So you were dealt the hand you have. You're obviously gifted and hard-working, or you wouldn't have made it as far as you have. Wading through problem sets when you have two thousand pounds of lead shot to drag behind you makes everything difficult. Good on ya for making it this far!
I would suggest not being too hard on your parents; it's possible that they simply didn't care, and while that certainly does happen, more often than not parents are simply trying hard not to make the mistakes they perceive were made in their own upbringing, and as a result, make different mistakes (which sometimes aren't all that different from those of their parents).
You don't have to change the past. Your future changes as you make positive changes for your now -- have you looked into ECT? I'm including a link to a TED Talk that might be worth viewing. I'll check back later if I make it home safely. Good luck!
http://www.ted.com/talks/sherwin_nuland_on_electroshock_therapy.html
It is impossible now not to think of good and bad things that happened to you in the past 5 years. The brutality of the whole thing is that, when you are happy you do not bother yourself with negative thougts and you tend to foget and neglect the small things you are doing "wrong". If there is one good thing about your situation it's the fact that now you can really see what you did wrong and how to improve yourself to become a happier person. As much as you maybe hate your wife now for doing this, try to think of it from her perspective > she did that which must have been very hard for her too but why did she do it? she did it because she was not happy in her heart. So she decided to do something for herself. I think that you also must do the things that you feel need to be done for your sake.
As much as it is a chiche> time will heal you. Even if you have few friends thats ok! Contact them, talk to them, focus your energy on them maybe. If you have some friends that you didn't contact in years, get in touch! Rebuild friendships...
This was posted in another SW subreddit today. It makes you wonder :) ... maybe it helps you a bit
I think we are a little greater than the sum of our parts. The collective capacity of our integrated neurons gives you your consciousness, personality, and self.
There's a lot to live for. Check these two TED talks out:
1)Jill Bolte (Neurosurgeon)
These sound a bit like intrusive thoughts to me. I listened to a podcast about it. The woman go into great detail with case studies and how the views on thoughts and understanding them have been changing.
Definitely give this a listen: https://www.npr.org/rss/podcast.php?id=510307
It sounds like intrusive thoughts. Ones which are circulating without apparent meaning. I listening to a podcast on this and they had some great case studies. One was a man who, after watching a violent film, was suddenly bombarded with thoughts on killing his wife. He didn't want to, he wasn't a violent person but the thoughts were so persistent they frightened and horrified him. This went on for months before he found a new type of therapy which works.
I'd recommend listening to it: https://www.npr.org/rss/podcast.php?id=510307
Hey there.
I just wanted to let you know you made the right choice by posting here. This is a very safe space and I want to let you know that everyone here is here to help.
I read your other replies and it sounds like you're under a lot of stress. It can be very overwhelming to have these feelings of just, well, hopelessness. Do you have a therapist or a doctor you can see? That could be a very big step in fixing these issues. Also what kind of debt do you have? Sometimes you can get assistance paying it off so you don't have to be in such a deep hole. You can also try You Need A Budget or Mint (Free, online) which can help take a gigantic load off your back and actually start removing that debt. There have been many, many success stories on /r/youneedabudget and /r/personalfinace using these two tools. Speaking of, maybe trying to post on /r/personalfinace could be a good goal. They have a bunch of smart people there who have been through debt and can help you immensely.
You mentioned that you're lonely, maybe we could start talking? I'm always looking for new friends.
I know it may sound corny, but I do want to mention that I truly do love anyone for just the way they are. You seem kind. If it helps just remember that you have a bunch of people online, seemingly random people that barely know your story, that care and truly want to see you succeed in life.
With that out of the way, how about a talk?
One thing I can suggest is mindfulness meditation (mobile-friendly). If you feel like you have too many thoughts flying around in your head, this is a really nice way to just breathe and relax for a while. It's helped me immensely the past few weeks, because it's always nice to just sit down and not think about anything for a while.
My girlfriend and I have thoroughly discussed what we would do if she were to ever get pregnant. We have both agreed that an abortion would be the best choice, but it would be an insanely hard decision for both of us to make. I'm sorry you had to go through that, it must not have been easy. Much respect to you for making that difficult choice.
What are you studying in college? Do you enjoy the material?
You tell your boss about your chronic pain and your medication and that you need a couple of days. Book a hotel room with a pool. Swim, take the gravity off. Rest. Try not to take your meds so much.
Make an appointment with a psychologist so you can vent and learn some coping techniques.
Why the chronic pain by the way? Maybe your posture is bad at work? Maybe you aren't taking breaks? Try workrave
http://www.thedreammachine.se/
Try these on your laptop at least, they're flash-based!
If you want to endure horrible events be my guest, hope you find something to enjoy at them though :p
I love Nietzsche. I really hope this was just a cry for help from the OP and he's still around to read this today, tomorrow, the next 40 years. Anyways, logically it would be absurd to kill oneself, considering no matter how bad life gets there is always a chance it can improve. Yale lecture on death, suicide
It's one person, they are not the entire world and they are not the only person who you will ever meet and have a chance at a deeper connection.
It feels that way because they are your only friend now, but please don't fucking stop at this one single person. You're giving this one person too much weight.
It's super hard to do it, I know that well, but you HAVE to meet more people. There's meetup.com and lots of other avenues in most cities dedicated to stuff you would enjoy. I like boardgames and have gone to boardgame meetings and anything related just to meet people. You can make friends and then you can even meet someone for more. And it's more valuable than tinder and other bullshit.
I moved to a new town for my husband a few years ago, and then we moved a couple more times since then (within the same town, but farther apart). It took me months to find a job, and a while to make new friends, too. But, I did find them and found a job. Each town a little different as to how to meet people, but if you look around, you might surprise yourself. I used meetup.com to find book clubs, another site to find a tennis partner, and then meeting friends of friends. I haven't done this, but I know the library here has "tea hours" and then there are churches, volunteer organizations, the spouses of your husband's co-workers, neighbors, etc.
You can view depression as a "check engine" light that's telling you that something in your life is not working. Everyone has different qualities and values about them. It's when we don't use these qualities to our advantage and don't live a value-driven life that we become depressed. It is apparent that you value friendships, and the fact that you are missing out on friendships is a significant contributor to your depression. You know that in college and earlier in life, making friends may have come without much effort on your part because there are so many groups, classes, sports, etc. in common, but you know that friendships won't come to you as easily in your post-grad life. I believe that peace and clarity can come through living a values-driven life. That if you are able to make friends and identify those other values and qualities that you cherish, life will regain its flavor. So perhaps you don't need to think of depression as something that is crushing you, but instead a sign that something needs to change.
I wish I could say that suicide is not a way of finding peace and emptiness. But I agree with you that non-existence just seems so much easier. But I'd encourage you to take an inventory of your values and see if taking your own life is consistent with living in accordance with your nature- for I see living in accordance with one's nature as the highest end to any animal's or human's existence. For me, I realized that I valued peace for my family and peace of mind. Suicide could give me peace of mind, but not peace for family.
You may find people in this subreddit or r/depression who live nearby, who knows. There is also meetup.com and other ways to get involved.
No one cares for you?
I care. This sub-reddit cares. You have friends in this sub-reddit. Although it sounds a bit morbid - you do.
To answer your question, I cannot say weather things 'will get better' as I do not know your situation, but I can say that life is worth living. You need to look for this kind of motivation in the strangest of places.
For example, in my time of need I saw that people in Africa are starving, disease ridden and neglected by the rest of the world. It made me value what I actually have. Now, I am not telling you to go do this as your situation is most likely different to mine, but try to look for a kind of motivation, something to aspire too. F**k everyone else, if they won't comfort you in your time of need, you don't have to do the same for them.
I hope this helped in the slightest, if it did not then please accept my apologies. If you even need to talk feel free to PM me your MSN or something and I will help you with whatever problems you have.
Hey, I used to feel like my depression was from not having friends. I've learned that I just have a chemical imbalance though. Here's what I can suggest to you to make friends like I did.
First, people are drawn to outgoing people. You can learn to be outgoing. Read books like How To Win Friends and Influence People. You can find a PDF for free with google or the audio book. I'm on my phone, otherwise I'd link it for you. Sorry. There's a great YouTube channel called Charisma on Command. Start watching his videos. If you're okay with torrenting stuff, you can find his Charisma University videos for free too. In general, there's a surplus of books to teach you how to talk to people, how to have self-confidence, how to read body language, etc. Study up. It's one of the most useful life skills to have.
Second, be the friend you want to have. This kind of sucks, because it means you have to engage people and ask them to hang out regularly. This was a struggle for me. I was always down to hang out, but my anxiety made it hard to ask people to hang out. I had to push through. Sometimes you may get rejected, but that's okay. It was their loss.
I wish you the best.
I'm going to offer you something: read Man's Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl. It's a quick read, but it isn't easy. I figure you can handle it, because you managed to double major, and because you got a psych degree. It deals a lot with the experience of suffering, and why we should endure it. It might not work for you, but do me a favor and give it a shot.
I really appreciate your story Jon.
I'm actually blown away by how people write on this subreddit. Everybody here writes so on point.
I'm sorry about the news your received about the girl you were attracted to. That is always some of the hardest news to receive, and I hope you can come to terms with it and move on. Lots of fish in this big sea, or so I hear.
What a traumatic memory to have at such a young age. Do you still experience guilt in relation to your aborted sibling?
I don't know if it matters when and how, after all, none of us get to choose when to go, but, for me, it really makes a large difference how I choose to spend the time in between.
What are your plans? Are you still looking for meaning in your life? If so, I highly recommend the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. It is a powerful account on how a man found the will to continue in the most devastating location that human kind could conceive of (or at least one of them, Auschwitz). It really changed my idea that I had to have an overarching "meaning" for my life instead of finding the meaning in the task that was at hand, in the present, right now.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you will continue to heal, and from what you have written it certainly seems so. You have hope, and although hope is dangerous, it doesn't need to burn bright and than explode brilliantly. It was slowly simmer until it builds beautiful glowing embers underneath - a glowing palette of the stars on the ground for us to feel the warmth from.
Thank you so much for the kind words and taking the time to reply. It means a lot to me. Yes, there are very many ill people in the world but few do this to children. I often wonder "why me?" but I guess I have to just accept it. I struggle and wish to implement in myself the idea of myself being a good and strong person for having made it through this and being more or less normal and highly functional. Viktor Frankl in his seminal book "Man's Search for Meaning" wrote about how we should challenge ourselves in times of great pain to ask ourselves if we are worthy of this suffering - i.e. if you are strong enough to endure the pain, and what an honor it is to be able to handle this suffering and take this pain and continue on when other souls could not. I think I'm botching this concept a bit, but I try to tell myself that I was born into this body to spare someone else and because I am strong enough to endure this and move on.
No, there's nothing wrong with you.
Our society is, unfortunately, structured to benefit people who buy into the system. School, job, marriage, house in the suburbs. Because so many people buy into it, that's all you see, and there's a stigma around doing things differently.
But (A) there is nothing wrong with you if you do things differently, and (B) very many people who don't buy into the system are very, very happy.
I'd suggest spending some time researching how to live without money and/or how to vagabond. Also, I'm not joking. If you need examples of people who made it work, let me know. I read up on them quite a bit and have a few favorites because it's something I've been considering doing for a while. Just putting some $$ away in case of emergency, but probably going to leave next spring to see if I can live off my bike.
It's also possible you are capable of having a "job" and just haven't found what you're passionate about. If you're inclined, pick up a copy of The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau. Plenty of stories of people who didn't want to work but accidentally found out they can make money doing something they love.
P.S. Not sure where you're from but where I'm from (USA) 50%+ hate their jobs. They just aren't restless like you and me. :)
From my past actions, I have like 5 people I must call if I ever try to take my life again. Of course we all know if you contact just one of them and end your life, who ever was contacted would feel responsible of what they couldn't do. And the death would cause an additional burden...which is more than likely the very thing we think of ourselves to be during the times in which we contemplate and commit suicide.
What is more strange is, do we not have the biggest smiles, the goofiest of actions around others when we are hurting? It's almost as if we hurt so badly we do what ever cartoonishly stupid thing to make them laugh or smile as to indirectly try to live happiness through others but deriving no real sense of reward in doing it.
Maybe that is what makes it so bad, the realization you can't fake it to make it...or live through the happiness of others. So yeah I get it, but to be honest with you...
I just set physical goals and agendas for myself to accomplish to make up for my mental inadequacies. But as bad as that sounds, it's not... life has a way of throwing me curveballs and occasionally I hit it out of the park. But before you consider anything too drastic, I want you to read a book called "A Man's Search for Meaning" its about a guys time in a concentration camp. It gave me a lot of perspective when confronting my own suicidal thoughts when I learned how he endured his time in the camps. Let me know your thoughts on the book!
I think you would really benefit from reading a book called Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. Basically your brain has developed "bad habits" where it brings up negative thoughts and dwells on them even when it's not productive. Feeling Good is about teaching your brain to handle those things in a more productive way, and developing better mental habits to deal with negative thoughts.
There's also a follow up book, The Feeling Good Handbook, which is a hands on version of the same ideas. I think either of these books could be really beneficial to you, but you only need one or the other to get started.
Man, I saw your post on AmIUgly way back when you first posted it and I wanted to let you know you helped me get through some tough shit of my own. You truly inspired me, because you have a better attitude than most people I know. I'm very sorry for your situation but know that people truly do empathize with you, and most certainly won't hate you for what's beyond your control.
Honestly, and I know this is hard to accept (I'm still struggling with it myself), you need to invest more in yourself than other people's perception of yourself. I really recommend ordering the book Models by Mark Manson and giving that a read. It's really starting to put things in perspective for me.
I hope you're still with us, if you ever wanna talk shoot me a PM and I'll get back to you.
You know, I feel the same way and have had many of the same experiences and problems. I'm not sure what people like us are suppose to do. Or why we do anything. Clearly though if we take the time to come here there is some doubt in our mind and some small voice asking for help.
I spent some time on a psych ward a few years back when my first round of suicidal thoughts really materialized and my friend brought me a book that he felt was on topic: Man's Search for Meaning. Maybe you've heard of it? If you haven't, here's the short version: author survived concentration camps of Nazi Germany and became fascinated with the psychology of life and developed logotherapy... the idea that our primary motivation in life is finding meaning, that's what drives us and keeps us going. Some people live for their kids, some people live for their family, some people live to laugh, some people live to get rich... but me? I don't know why I live. I don't have any meaning. Do I have dreams, hopes, aspirations? Sort of, but they seem so far and unattainable (love? family? clocks ticking, I'm on the wrong side of 30), and, here's my biggest fear about the struggle... what if I fight the good fight, and try real hard, and turn around and find out I'm 50 and more alone and meaningless than ever? Is it okay to kill myself then or do I have to keep trying?
And yet I encounter so many people who seem perfectly happy, and all I can think in my head is "why haven't they killed themselves, I would kill myself if I was in their situation"
I hope you've reconsidered. At the end of the day, despite my ramble about not being able to find meaning in life, I'm still here. I hope you are, too.
Staying busy is key for me, whether that be going on a bike ride, reading a book, playing video games, or going to work, keeping myself occupied helps me be much more relaxed. A book that really helped me change the way I view things was A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. I wish you the best fellow redditor, you have so much ahead of you!
*hug*
Failure? There's no win condition for life, so how can you fail? And dude, if you expect to live another 50 years, you have an insane amount of time to turn yourself into the person you want to be.
Check out Mindfulness in Plain English. Meditation helps. It really does. It's hard at first, but it gets easier. Even a few minutes a day is very rewarding.
Establish other positive habits for yourself. Practice proper hygiene if you don't already. Exercise - nothing hard, start with a walk around the block every day. Here's a post from /r/getdisciplined describing how to turn your life around.
Seriously man. You can do this. It is completely possible for you to live the life you want to live. The only way you can fail is if you decide it's all pointless and give up.
*hug*
It's okay. I know that doesn't mean as much coming from a stranger on the internet, but I hope it helps.
Don't worry about the debt collectors. You don't have the money to pay them, there's nothing you can do. Consider posting in /r/personalfinance for advice.
Talk to your psychiatrist(?) about changing your meds. There are loads and loads of medications out there, there is absolutely no reason to keep taking one with side effects that make you miserable.
Meditate. Check out Mindfulness in Plain English. Even a few minutes of meditation a day helps a lot.
Volunteer somewhere. It doesn't matter where. It'll be good to get out of the house and do some good. Plus, it shows responsibility that will help you get a job.
You don't have to feel like this for the rest of your life. Please believe me when I say that things can and will get better.
Best of luck =)
hug
Why do you cut? What thoughts are going through your mind when you do it?
I wish I had more to offer, but all I can think to do is recommend that you read Mindfulness in Plain English. I used to cut too, and meditation has really helped me deal with the thoughts that drove me to it. It's hard and not very enjoyable at first, but if you stick with it, it's very rewarding.
*hug*
I try to personalize every reply I make here, but I'm afraid I don't have time to reply to you properly. Here's a copy/paste of the last post I made.
Meditation.
Keystone habits.
For meditation, see Mindfulness in Plain English. Meditation is hard at first, but it becomes enjoyable very quickly. Even a few minutes a day can be beneficial.
Keystone habits are positive habits that you build not for their own sake, but to exercise and maintain your self-discipline. Willpower works like a muscle, when you use it, it gets stronger. What are you not doing that you should be doing? Brushing your teeth twice a day? Making your bed? Exercising? Maybe you haven't read as much as you'd like to lately? Think of something - just one thing - and then turn it into a quick and easy daily activity. Something you can do in ten minutes, tops, like taking a walk around the block, or reading a single page of your book. Then do it. Then do it again tomorrow. And the next day. Once you've done it for long enough that you're sure of yourself, make it harder - two blocks, two pages - or add something new. It's slow progress, but it's progress. Way too many people try to do everything at once, and then give up when they can't handle it. You build positive habits slowly, establishing a foundation on which the rest of your responsibilities can lay, building your discipline and self-esteem at the same time. This post has more details.
Best of luck =)
Again, sorry for not being able to give you a proper reply. If you leave a comment, I'd be happy to talk with you more later =)
The answer to that question is in the book Mindset by Carol Dweck.
Everyone fails. In fact the most successful people fail more. Failure is a state, not a fixed trait. Persistence in the face of failure is the path to success. Be proud of the effort. Your self worth is not defined by failure, or success. That is just a moment in time. The effort and drive to improve is what is important.
The book Mindset has much more, and is more elegant.
hug
Check out Mindfulness in Plain English. Meditation is hard and not very enjoyable at first, but if you stick with it it's very rewarding. Even a minute a day helps.
I'm sorry I don't have more to say - I've never experienced what you're going through right now.
Best of luck.
This is good. Getting active and having a meaningful way of staying engaged are key.
Medication is tricky, different drugs work for different people.
I can't encourage exercise enough, even if it's just 10 minutes a day, start somewhere and work up from there.
Man's Search for Meaning can't be recommended highly enough in my opinion.
*hug*
It is totally possible to turn your life around. It's easier than you think, too.
Think: what could you be doing right now that could make you a better person? Now take that and break it into tinier and tinier chunks until you get something you can do in ten minutes. "I want better teeth" -> go brush your teeth. "I want to lose weight" -> go for a ten-minute walk. "I want better posture" -> force yourself to sit up straight for five minutes.
"Why bother? None of that stuff matters, I'll be just as miserable afterwards," you say. Not so. You'll be ever so slightly closer to beating your depression. See, your willpower is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Brushing your teeth (or whatever) is a step on the road to getting better. If you do it every day, you develop what is called a keystone habit. Maintaining those habits not only makes you more disciplined, it builds your self-esteem. This isn't self-help crap, by the way. Brushing my teeth every day was the first step I took towards lifting myself out of depression.
This post has more info. One thing I'd like to add to it is meditation - check out Mindfulness in Plain English. It's hard and not terribly enjoyable at first, but that changes. Making a minute of meditation a day one of your keystone habits can really pay off.
Hope that helps. Best of luck =)
I know the feeling of racing, intrusive, extremely negative thoughts. It's like my mind latches on to every painful thing, amplifies it, dwells on it, and won't let go. Does that sound similar to what you're going through?
What helped me the most was medication combined with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Does your therapist practice CBT? Have you brought these thoughts up with them?
CBT has taught me to ask, "Are these thoughts rational?" "Are these thoughts helful?" If they aren't, we shouldn't waste time on them.
What I try to do is accept that the thoughts are there, understand that thinking about them won't change the reality of them, and let them go. Trying to force them out makes it worse, but allowing them to "pass through you" can help bring you peace. Being mindful of our thoughts can help us accept them and move beyond them. This is also a technique used during meditation, which can be a difficult but very rewarding practice.
You might want to check out Chapter 12 of Mindfulness in Plain English (an excellent book available free online), which goes over how to address negative thoughts during meditation. I'll be honest, I'm not very good at meditation and reject any supernatural claims that come with it (although meditation can certainly be a secular practice), but just knowing how to handle those thoughts when my mind is racing has been very helpful to me. I hope this is something that you can use too.
>my parents were right, im the root of all problems.
Here's the problem right here. Adults who were charged with caring for you blame you, the only person who is involuntarily in this situation. Not even a full grown (I assume) adult, a kid, they're blaming a kid for their problems. They're adults, their problems are theirs to solve and you are not the root of their problems. I think we can pretty much mark off everything they say as utter bullshit.
Now on the chance that I am wrong and they're saying YOU are the root of all YOUR problems, there's some truth to this, but it is not the whole truth. Sometimes bad luck persists. Sometimes the choices others make hurt us in ways that are not obvious. It is within your capacity to change your behavior, as hard as that is, it is possible. You can make good choices, you do it everyday.
If you can, read the book "Learned Optimism" by Seligman it will give you strategies to help you at least view yourself in a more positive light. Go see a therapist if you can.
for those wanting to meditate: Mindfulness in Plain English - i stopped reading it a month ago and have been getting increasingly suicidal :(((. getting back to it right now. ugh. i hate disturbing people in this subreddit so i want to catch that error before i get there where i need to bother you guys.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Dude...you gotta start working out. Get tons of exercise and a lot of things will fall into place for you.
You can move out of that small town. There are all sorts of opportunities out there...
Read a book called The War of Art. It's a short, easy read, and really inspiring.
Most importantly, get into the best shape you can. Girls will over look a lot for six pack abs...
Charles Bukowski once said "endurance is more important than truth." I have always subscribed to this notion. Endurance is hard, but if we can endure and keep searching and striving for meaning or whatever is going to make us happy, we can find it. Now, it will almost certainly not be what you expect, but on a long enough timeline, if you're open and seeking, you find those chances to change your life. What happened to you was awful and if I could I would take that all away and tell your wife what an incredible person you really are beneath all of the scar tissue that has formed. If you need something constructive to occupy your time, I would suggest reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, a guy who survived a Nazi death camp and dedicated his life to helping people find meaning and he also writes that suffering is relative, so just because you are not starving in Africa does not mean you don't suffer. Anyways, I found much truth in that book and it gives you a nice lens to look at your life. Know that I am somewhere in this world, and you mean much to me and I love you and am proud of you.
All work and no play....
You gotta make up your own entertainment or you'll completely lose it. I've memorized dozens of songs, as well as my favorite bits of Full Metal Jacket (the cadences, helicopter scenes). I keep adding on to it to the list.
Victor Frankl wrote a book, Man's Search for Meaning. I think the most poignant thing I got was a lack of meaning in life was a big contributor to the deaths of many prisoners. I believe Frankl said what kept him going was he want to write a book. We're talking starvation conditions as well as hard labor here.
I honestly don't know how I would fare in those conditions, but all I know is one should live day by day. Forget about the future or the past. The present is all you got. Just find a way to make yourself happy now. Worry about tomorrow when it comes.
If I could make a suggestion, I think that it would be a great idea for you to read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. I'm almost certain that it will make you feel a bit better, and perhaps even help you turn your life around. The way you begin making life better is to change your attitude towards what has happened. I hope for the best for you in the future. Good luck.
Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. In the book the author and main character are pursuing and running from something which sounds just like what you're dealing with, or a subjective variation of it. Please give this book a chance.
please read Stephen King's On Writing.
he was alcoholic (ironically during that period he wrote that teenage killer novel [sorry, the name is gone while i am writing this, can't remember :) ]) and how he struggled with it.
and he relates how he recovered with the help of Tabby, his wife, who deserves as many credits as himself.
don't despair. Stephen King gives example of his drafts at the end of the book. you would be surprised, how many revisions he does before getting things perfect.
I often have found myself unhappy due to mild depression, and one way I work it out is in the kitchen. I don't think about anything in particular but the task at hand, which is pretty refreshing when you've got a lot on your mind, and I find I have more of an appetite if I prepare the food myself. Cooking for others through, especially the ones you find special, is particularly satisfying. If you're looking to kill some time, and not in a permanent sense, maybe try a couple recipes for dog biscuits?
A good database is here: http://allrecipes.com/recipes/desserts/cookies/pet-cookies/viewall.aspx?page=1
And if you don't feel like sorting through them, type in what ingredients you have here and the site will find a recipe to match. http://www.cookthing.com/?tomake=dog+treat
And if it works out, please tell me about it? Or post a picture on r/aww, perhaps? Bonus points if I catch you eating the biscuits with the dogs in question : ) (Bacon Cheese dog treats are particularly appealing to me... to a fault)
Retake the class. Study in different places to help remember things, your brain responds to new information with new locations better.
Maybe get some exercise before studying to help your brain perform better? If you do it frequently you will build resistance to this defeated feeling. Hydrate, sleep. Learn from your mistakes and get back in the game.
Try this free online class on the neuroscience of learning, maybe it will reveal some simple mistake in your routine that causes you to fail, could be lack of sleep, or variety, or weird study habits.
That's pretty amazing that you had your own beekeeping business at 16. Sorry to hear that you lost your hives. Have you ever thought about doing crowdfunding to get things back up and going again? I saw this kickstarter post awhile ago, you could try something similar: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/409022054/the-bee-happy-co?ref=discovery
I know you said you haven't had luck with the job search, have you thought about volunteering? That will get you out of the house (away from parents), and keep you busy (out of trouble). Honestly, it feels awesome helping others and helps to take your mind off of your own shit.
I'm sorry to hear that your adoptive parents are not supportive. That must be lonely and frustrating, not to mention difficult for you to focus on your recovery when it's not a priority for them.
As to your question - What's the point? It's different for everyone. It probably seems like there isn't much of one when you are dealing with some really difficult things right now. For me, the point has always been that my story is not finished. When things got really bad, I knew I wasn't going to land there. I had to keep turning the pages, because I was curious to know what would happen next.
I cant do anything about that, but i know a certain fox that might make you smile https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/red-fox-vulpes-sitting-attention-direct-392638390
Hi,
I know first hand that really bad pain can make you feel so low and have a hard time fathoming living, so I am really sorry this is the case for you.
I found this Mayo Clinic webpage for Crohn's Disease, which does have some suggestions for what you can eat which sounds like it's really important:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/crohns-disease/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20353309
and overall how it's treated. It's not as dire as the stuff you've found, I think, so maybe it will give you some hope?
I am really glad you reached out - I know it's really hard to do so. I hope it helps a bit to talk about why you need support.
I have found it helpful to reach out to a crisis text line, there are also crisis phone lines if you want to talk to someone.
​
Ok, maybe you could try something different?
If you are in the US, I hope this page can help: https://lifehacker.com/top-10-free-and-affordable-mental-health-and-counseling-1788814933
In the UK, there's this service: https://youngminds.org.uk/
Many studies, from the US to Italy show that social media reduces happiness and makes us feel we are worth less, and that we are not as loved as others.
Social media is a bad for our health.
I want to talk to you. What's been going on? How long have you been feeling like this?
There are ways to get the ball rolling.. hang in there!
yesterday i read the story of a guy who, for a few semesters, lived in the back of his van.
If your camera and laptop are what you use to make a living, i would hold on to them for now.
/r/frugal has some good tips for living on the bare minimum. maybe that could be a start for you to get your finances stabilized
Im sorry. I dont know that you have any other option than getting a job that will allow you to buy more clothes for now and eventually afford the operation. Whether this would be achieved quicker by working now or by going to university first Im not sure.
Definitely try to see a therapist if possible, just so you can have someone to talk to.
Have you tried to go to a secondhand clothes shop and explain your situation? I'm seeing on google theres a chain called Humana that has stores in Tallinn, Tartu, Pärnu and Maardu. Do you live in or near any of those? Possibly they could be sympathetic and help you out. I saw this thread as well http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowTopic-g274952-i995-k2962813-2nd_hand_clothing_stores_in_Estonia-Estonia.html
https://hastebin.com/xogamuwobi.sql It was too long to leave here apparently. I apologize, but I tend to make text walls. Life is small, nasty, and complicated (though, hopefully it could be happy sometimes.), and I don't like having a filter from that, I say it how it is, or how I see it anyway. Yes I'm deeply depressed, and it takes some philosophic kind of talk to explain why. I'm even on meds, and I feel like my mood swings are even worse at times, idk if it's because of them or it would be even worse without.
Have you ever had your thyroid tested? Many of the symptoms you mentioned in your journal sound similiar to those of thyroid issues..I am just saying that because I had the same "it's all in your head" with feeling like crap for such a long time, and they finally figured out it was my thyroid...I think I read somewhere that you are male, so here are some symptoms for thyroid problems in males . I just think that maybe it is worth looking into..maybe seeing an endocronologist who specializes in this, if anything else? Best wishes! (((HUGS)))
hey man, just to keep up, hows the court thing going?
programming is actually a huge thing, you will probably have a chance even without a degree, but before being even able to do something useful for a company its gonna be a lot of work and learning, I'd recommend this for starters to see if you like it https://www.coursera.org/course/pythonlearn
The US national lifeline recommends encouraging them publicly to call the lifeline: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/about/social.aspx
You can also email tumblr admins using the Contact US widget on this page: https://www.tumblr.com/docs/en/email_troubleshooting
Good for you! I think it's an excellent idea and there is something very beautiful about leaving something so ubiquitous. I deactivated my account and I feel a new sense of freedom. Facebook has become a toxic force for some people. And if you really miss it, you can always make a new one later. You should check out MeetUp.com if you're looking for social interaction. Remember to get out and meet people. There are some really neat groups where you can meet people face to face.
You are not the same as the court-ordered clients in your therapy group. The fact that you got there through your own self-awareness and initiative (you decided you needed counselling) makes a huge difference. Also, ironically, the huge amount of remorse and guilt you are feeling right now is actually a good indicator about your character. There are lots of people walking around who think that behaving the way you now know is abusively is totally okay. You don't.
So, please, please, please keep hanging in there. I know it's extremely painful right now but it will get better.
There are two other points that seem important to me here:
You talk about how shocked you were to discover that your behaviour was abusive. Does that mean that you started out thinking (or at least assuming) it was normal? Those assumptions had to some from somewhere. Your experience taught you to behave that way, it didn't come out of nowhere. So that is NOT YOUR FAULT.
I can't think of any category of people that the world needs more of that recovered abusers. People walking around just being living proof that it is possible to change these types of behaviours -- that in itself is incredibly powerful. You are precious. Seriously. Please take care of yourself and keep growing and healing and learning. I can't promise you that things will work out with your g/f, but either way the world needs you.
You don't want a link to a book. I know you really don't want a link to a book. But sorry, because this is the only thing that, as far as I know, has worked for borderline personality disorder long term. And it's what you're asking for. I'm about to start with this specific therapy program for mine and thought you might like it too.
here is a copy of the actual book I'm picking up that has these techniques in it
I'm younger than you, I think. But I have tons of failed relationships and have nearly all of my social circle alienated because of how my borderline, bipolar, and paranoia have caused me to constantly accuse people around me and exaggerate what they did. Now I'm alone, holy fucking shit! So it's taken me a long time to try and get hope back. I think you can too though.
Also, I saw Tool many years back. Was very disappointed the singer kept his back to the audience the whole time. But they did that song, Stinkfist, you put the lyrics in your title.
Cheers. Hang in there.
Also, the top 20 universities in 'Murica are all free tuition now, just nobody knows this and ends up wasting money at a state school. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9283249
The majority of Harvard, Princeton and Stanford graduates are debt free, all tuition is paid from a grant. Harvard will pay you living expenses too so will some other schools. Definitely try and get in there, use your "disability" as an advantage maybe they have some kind of diversity quota nonsense for admissions and you can game it to squeak in if your grades are shitty. Can also use those online free university courses to totally slay the SAT tests.
These schools make all their money from evil patented research that's paid for by public funds, so in return they've agreed to pay all student costs
My friend dropped out of his Phd research and fucked off to Japan to teach English for 2 years. Then he went to China and taught there, then back to Japan. When he returned his debt was erased because it had been dormant for 7 years. Also you should read Hacker News where academics constantly complain how shitty the state of academia is lately and most are getting out to avoid doing meaningless research to continue getting money. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3802259 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9426765
Just take a deep breath; calm down and put on some music.
If you have no music, then use my favorite site: http://www.rainymood.com/
It's just rain, and it clears.
And that's what I hope depression will do for you.
Clear away to a beautiful rainbow