What are /r/TheMonkeysPaw's favorite Products & Services?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Granted: Starburst All Pink Strawberry Candy - 42 Ounces https://www.amazon.com/dp/B072JKMMBB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_aCeeCbNX2BNFJ And Wrigley's Cherry Starburst Fruit Chews - 5 Full Pounds https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07F14QZGL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_wDeeCbW6HKHX8

There’s a book that my friend had to read last year, don’t remember what it’s called but basically everyone has a certain number of lives and each time they die they become more attractive physically and more intelligent mentally. This leads to many teens using up most of their lives. Honestly it’s kind of disturbing some of the parts, like a toaster bath party goes on and every one just cheers.

Edit: I found it guys! It’s called Nine by Zach Hines.

link to the book on Amazon

It's kind of ridiculous on some, they'll be 5 ad breaks in an hour long podcast, and it'll often be the same products as well.

I've had enough of hearing about NordVPN, Audible, Squarespace and Skillshare.

This video is sponsored by NordVPN. Staying safe online is an ever growing difficulty and you could be exploited by hackers. NordVPN allows you to change your IP address, making you harder to track, securing your privacy. Check out the link in the description to get 20% off for the first two months and thank you to NordVPN for sponsoring this video.

Excuse me, yes there is.

• Bloons Tower Defense 5
• Minesweeper
• Smash Hit
• Half-Life 2 (I'm not kidding, there really is a version of HL2 for tablets

Everyone conforms to classic anime character tropes, namely, early 20th century black and white japanese cartoons.

People are now either characters from traditional folk tales, whimsical animal spirits, or anti-US wartime propaganda, all animated as bizarre/ uncanny sketches.

Granted. Here is the link to the full text of Ulysses by James Joice. It is renowned by writers as a hallmark of creativity, and by most people as one of the most difficult literary slogs in existence. The paw compels you to read it in its entirety.

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/4300/4300-h/4300-h.htm

I would've added this in my og comment, but I was one my phone and couldn't be bothered. A mosquito weights (wikipedia) around 5mg, which, when converted to energy (https://www.omnicalculator.com/physics/emc2) produces 449378 megajoules. Google tells me that a ton of TNT is equivalent to 4184 mj. 449378 divided by 4184 is 107.4 That's how many tons of tnt a mosquito would explode with, if it was released as pure energy. And if i didn't fuck up. Which I might've tbh

Perhaps a link to the eponymous short story in the sidebar? Text: https://americanliterature.com/author/w-w-jacobs/short-story/the-monkeys-paw

Audio: https://librivox.org/search?title=The+Monkey%27s+Paw&author=JACOBS&reader=&keywords=&genre_id=0&status=all&project_type=either&recorded_language=&sort_order=catalog_date&search_page=1&search_form=advanced

Granted, but it's Zimbabwean dollars, which has a conversion rate of about 362 to 1.

You wind up with about $27k USD, which is still pretty good as Paw wishes go.

You didn't specify the currency, so you get one billion Zimbabwean dollars, which is equivalent to 2.76 million USD.

This is still a substantial sum of money that has the potential to drastically improve your life. However, you are too preoccupied with the fact that you wasted your wish, so you spiral into a deep depression and spend all that money (and your current savings) on drugs.

Now you are broke, out of wishes, and hooked on heroin and/or phonics.

Granted. The mob kidnaps your family and demands that you transfer the ransom sum anonymously in such a way that it cannot be traced. Looks like you’ll need to use NordVPN® to ensure that your transaction is private and secure!

Granted. You suddenly accelerate to 0.999999999999999 the speed of light. In five minutes of your time, all ticks die. However, due to your high velocity, time everywhere else has to deal with ticks for the rest of their lives. They all wonder where you vanished to, and generations of everyone you know will have been dead for 212 years by the time you return to the normal frame of reference.

If you don’t have NordVPN, you will literally get hacked by a master hacker!!!! Get NordVPN or hackers will crawl through your screen and then get inside your reclining chairs and tickle your taint when you sit down! Get NordVPN NOW!!!

Dolphin rape caves Ladybugs from Hell

Granted! Facebook scrambles for a way to keep legitimacy, discovers Pixelfed and proceeds to buy it out. Facebook then introduces "protocol extensions", slowly at first, but soon rapidly, changing the protocol used completely every week or so to kick off everything except its own dedicated client and server programs. (Since they bought Pixelfed, they don't need to share these server programs with anyone.) This move completely kills the Fediverse, leaving us worse off than before.

This causes OP to contact Amazon in frustration. They are then sent a new one as a replacement, thus allowing OP's true intent of the wish to be granted.

Granted. All of their adverts and sponsorships are replaced by NordVPN. They are able to become a global monopoly, and they eventually become the rulers of planet earth. Now we live our lives in total seclusion, as our leaders think privacy is the safest way to browse life.

Woah old comment... lol. Pi-Hole is a DNS server designed to run on a Raspberry Pi. As long as you are somewhat network and computer savvy they are easy to setup. What it does is process all your internet queries (all the ones in the background) and blocks the ads, trackers, data farmers. I average 40% of my network traffic blocked and “they” have no idea who I am after running it for several years. That’s a real short breakdown.

Here is thier site

Granted. This adoption is effective immediately, and requires a mass deployment of road crews out to update every single sign that currently uses Imperial. The resulting traffic jams leave people stranded on the road for hours, while others try to avoid said jams by driving on sidewalks, resulting in mass pedestrian fatalities.

(side note, there is an interesting book about how this failed in the US)

One way valve

With a affordable price at Amazon

Wish pending...

This Monkey's Paw wish is sponsored by NordVPN. Staying safe online is an ever growing difficulty and you could be exploited by hackers. NordVPN allows you to change your IP address, making you harder to track, securing your privacy. Check out the link in the replies to get 20% off for the first two months and thank you to NordVPN for sponsoring this wish.

Granted.

You can also i stall it from google play if you are afraid of apk files. I used to use reddit slide, but after switching to infinity i can confirm it is better. It has the one feature of the official reddit app that i liked, being able to keep the comments open and swipe vetween posts, only unlike the official app and slide, infinity dosen't crash after 40-50 posts.

> a fee using your actual wallet is less than a dollar

??? ?? ????

https://blockchair.com/bitcoin

> 24h stats ... Average transaction fee: $45.01 ... Median transaction fee: $20.54

Are you living under a goddamn rock? I would be amazed if you could even get a tx broadcasted with a $1 fee confirmed at all before it dropped out of the mempool, let alone within a timeframe that anyone would consider semi-reasonable.

Because a "widely-adopted cryptocurrency" would be listed on an exchange regardless of whether or not stores accept it as payment

There is still person-to-person remittance, as well as investors putting USD $ into the cryptocurrency. Those things will keep exchanges alive.

For instance Binance supports all the following tokens:

• ADA, ADX, AMB, ARK, ARN, AST, BAT, BCC, BCD, BCPT, BNB, BNT, BQX, BTG, BTS

And that's just the A's and B's

I can't find too many stores that accept these tokens, but exchanges for them still exist

​

edit: "widely-adapted" sounds wrong, I think it should be "widely-adopted" instead

Have you read the original story?! This is actually more or less the original monkey's paw question. Go read the originalfor your downside! It's a quick read, you'll be fine.

https://web.archive.org/web/20190203010912/https://www.gutenberg.org/files/12122/12122-h/12122-h.htm (Project Gutenberg is down right now)

The three wishes in the story and their results:

• "I wish for two hundred pounds,"
  • His son dies in a factory accident the next day, and the company pays out 200 pounds.
• "I wish my son alive again."
  • A terrifying knocking began that night. His wife suddenly panicked, and attempted to open the door. Before that could happen...
• "He heard the creaking of the bolt as it came slowly back, and at the same moment he found the monkey's paw, and frantically breathed his third and last wish."
  • The knocking stopped, and Herbert had "died" again.

Granted. One of your friends wished to have a portable hole. Unaware that you carry a bag of holding, they try to use it to prank you. They put it under a carpet so you fall into it. You fall into the hole, both the bag and the hole annihilate and suck you and all of your friends into the astral plane with no way to return.

It would be nice, but sometimes if your just looking at the unhealthy ingredients of food its not in the food itself but, in the container. I recommend a container that glass so you dont have chemicals leaching out into the food. Kind of like this one.

https://www.amazon.com/Microwave-Glass-Steamer-Microwavable-Vegetable/dp/B086KTM1D5/ref=cm\_cr\_arp\_d\_product\_top?ie=UTF8

They're not allowed to distribute the Nintendo ROM but they still distribute their own work. You can download the fan translation here: http://starmen.net/mother3/

If you want the original Mother 3 ROM you'll need to rip it from a legally purchased cartridge. Or, you know, acquire it, from the internet, or something. Don't look here

"Personal harm" is an injury.

You are not injured, and ordinary abilities are restored upon the conclusion of the super-power session.

Speaking of fried lemons ...

Its actually not to late, if you follow the "buy and sit" strategy, in 10 years you could be up a significant percent! I use PAX because its much easier and faster then CB.

My mistake.

Granted. The suitcase is crammed full of 3.62 million 100 zimbabwe dollars bills, which collectively are worth a million US dollars ^^(Source) . It is bulging at the seams. Upon opening it, a tidal wave of undervalued banknotes bursts forth and you die from a thousand papercuts.

You just said that to make me visit that subreddit for nothing, didn't you...?

Also, the source of my reply was from when I was in "that corner" of Google and came across an Uncyclopedia article many years ago and this reminded me of that.

But now it depends on how you define number.

According to this a number is:

>A member of any of the following sets of mathematical objects: integers, rational numbers, real numbers, and complex numbers.

If you define a number as an element of all integers, 7 is not divisible by 3 since 7 contains 3 a number of 2 times with a remainder of 1.

If you define numbers as the set of real numbers, 7/3 is a number. Then 7 contains the number 3 a number of 7/3 times without a remainder and thus 7 is divisible by 3.

>@@@@@@@++++++=¥} ™:,.. 0-0:-5', :0-. 5-0::, 0:?) 0-5', 6

Rofl https://howsecureismypassword.net/ says that this would take 1 quinuqagintillion years to crack

no need to imagine

Granted, it's As Seen On TV, so no one trusts it. https://www.amazon.com/GOTHAM-STEEL-inches-Non-stick-Titanium/dp/B018T909XG

Then you'll get ads of NordVPN. Staying safe online is an ever growing difficulty and you could be exploited by hackers. NordVPN allows you to change your IP address, making you harder to track, securing your privacy. Check out the link in the description to get 20% off for the first two months and thank you to NordVPN for sponsoring this video.

Granted. They see people skipping ads more and more. They pull back their ads and sponsorships, but YouTubers won't notice because there are many other companies doing the same thing. (Looking at you NordVPN). They put the money that comes free from advertising in the game, and the game becomes a phenomenon. As big as Minecraft, or fortnite (it doesn't matter if you like them or not, they're big. You shouldn't deny that). Raid: Shadow Legends floods YouTube again with genuine reactions from YouTubers, that they're actually enjoying the game. Other (mobile) game companies start doing the same thing, but hereby cutting funding for YouTubers. Meanwhile this is all categorized in era's, The Rise of Raid, The Raid phenomenon, and; The Raid followers.

YouTube as a whole undergoes major changes, before going downhill fast (YouTubers uploading less and less because funding) as people have switched to a more stable platform, like Reddit, for procrastination. Slowly former YouTubers all join our platform (or imagine PornHub. That'd be fun). Either your joining new platforms, or playing new/improved games.

Granted. You order one on Amazon. It sets you back about a thousand dollars. You use it for a day before you get bored of it.

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Sync flavor: pro
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Sync flavor: pro

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Device: greatqlteuegh
Model: samsung SM-N950U1
Android: 9rzPlay store link: Sync for reddit

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Hey, i think you should try this test about personality disorders:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=it.ppndrd.disturbidellapersonalita
Maybe it will say you have multiple personality disorders but it's difficult to have more than 2...

My children are now just giant balls of limbs sprouting from an indistinguishable torso. They are like these things but people sized, and with hands and feet instead of cups. I entertain myself on Saturday afternoons by rolling them around the lawn.

LOL! I have a Google search for 'Zombie Turkeys' and I found this comment. There really is a book called 'Zombie Turkeys': https://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Turkeys-Blogger-Unkillable-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B01LXPR63Z/