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You need to get a B- in order to diagnose friends and family members. But its not all bad. With your C+ you are more than qualified to diagnose yourself, your pets, and total strangers. You should head over to this sight and get started right now.

Okay, this is actually one of the more challenging questions posed on SA lately, but I am going to give it a stab.

The most effective method I can think of requires some amount of engineering knowledge, so I hope you want your dishes clean badly enough to educate yourself, or that you already possess some electronics and tinkering skills.

I will leave the actual details as a exersize for the reader, but essentially what you need is a radio controlled chastity belt.

See, first, you need a mechanical dick-harnessing male chastity belt. You need to add some gizmos to this to allow it ONLY to be unlocked once it receives a coded transmission from another device... Which you attach to the dishwasher.

The way it works is this: A pressure sensor (which you must install) on each dishwasher rack calculates weight distribution across the entire surface area, and then calculates to see if this matches up with the weight profile of an actual set of dishes. If this first test is passed, it allows the dishwasher to be turned on and operate normally. Once the dishwasher has completed its cycle, AND the dishes have been removed (for extra safety, you may want to install a backup redundancy weight sensor in your dishes cabinet) the device will send a signal to your belt, unlocking it.

While this process can still be hacked (maybe by kitchen tiles from home depot or something) the simplest way to get the belt off is to actually do the dishes.

So, there you go.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

This. Changing your blood type is easy and relatively painless! What you need to do:

• Read this book

• Then what you'll need to do is build this

• After that last step all you need to is watch four seasons of When Things Were Rotten. Only one half season was ever made, ignore that.

And there you have it! Changed!

First, in the Location bar of Netscape Navigator, type this in exactly...

http://www.digg.com/

Remember, those are Forward slashes and they're not optional.

You should be able to figure the rest out.

Perform a DDoS on /r/circlejerk.

The easiest way to do this is to go out and buy a 27 inch iMac from your local Apple Store. Once you have the iMac in your home, connect it directly into your home's fuse box (we want this to have MAXIMUM POWER). Once you're all powered up and ready to take on the /r/circlejerk servers, download and install Netscape Navigator for Mac and head on over to /r/circlejerk with it. The mere presence of your supercharged Macscape Navigator machine will blow up the part of the internet that is connected to /r/circlejerk. They'll think twice before messing with you again.

Don't be so self-centered. Think of the planet for a change. I speak, naturally, of fuel efficiency, that shining beacon of self-improved humanity, that gorgeous and well-worn catchphrase that keeps Al Gore neck-deep in hot Greenpeace chicks. I do not speak of ethanol, or of electric cars. I speak of ramming a potato up your exhaust pipe to make the car run faster. (Did you ever see that experiment where you can make a clock out of a potato? It's a lot like that.)

If you don't notice any improvement at first, add another potato. It helps to keep your car windows rolled up, to prevent the electricity from escaping.

It has just dawned upon me that Genius Bar will have lots of geniuses. Maybe it would be a good place to sneak in to get other people's IQ. They might even give them away freely. https://www.apple.com/retail/geniusbar/

Grate job, lot of tanks.

ok, so here goes, this will only work if you follow through to the end, so if your gonna pussy out half way, don't do it. First off you gotta take an impromptu trip down to Japan and meet up with this motherfucker, Takashi Ogawai, Yu-Gi-Oh world champ 2011. So you begin stalking him for a while while maintaining your relationship long distance with your "magic man" (tell him your on a long business trip, idk, you're a clever girl, figure it out). After you learn his patterns, you innocently "bump" into him at the subway (try not to get molested) or Godzilla attack or some shit, be smart, use your womanly wiles. So you strike up a conversation with this guy and you do what comes naturally to women and reach into his chest and grab his still-beating metaphorical heart until he's head over in love with you. Then you mention Jon Finkel & how you're also in a relationship with him & you're actually in love with both of them, unable to decide between the two, thus manipulating him into a deep jealous rage. Pretty soon, this situation will develop, and that's when the fun begins. Kick off your slutty stilettos for some comfy crocs, sit back and watch the mayhem unfold as ~~one~~ two fantasy card game world champs fight to the death for your lovely maiden hand. And when one finally emerges the victor, covered in the blood of his nerdy brethren; than and only then go on to your blog to mock him behind his back so that you can raise the readership of your said blog

At the age of 6 I'm not sure what you mean by the word “fuck,” but I'm going to assume abusive dodgeball. Be nice to the girls, don't call them bitches, unless you mean female dogs, but in any case, don't abuse them.

Anyway it's OK, the balls might just be a little deflated, use a pump and inflate them again. If they feel strange again in a short time (they become soft again), I think it's better to throw them out, and buy new ones.

this will also do

Calmly explain to your friends that they're idiots for not recognizing Polish Roulette when they see it. Then, since it's clear that they're not very smart, be sure to demonstrate the game by playing solo until they get the hang of it.

Since you appear to have internet access on your life raft, go here and have the random number generator pick who is to die so none of you have to carry that guilt. Once this nasty business is out of the way, I'd use that phone to call for some help and possibly a pizza.

Find copy of Linux XP, but be sure not to pirate it cause it's owned by the russians. after you send them money you can call them and have them walk you through it, in russian.

MAN! That's a great idea! I didn't have any stickers though but I still wanted to plot his achievements in a meaningful way so I made a spreadsheet over at google docs.

I gave him a good look at it and I think he feels better, but now my monitor is tainted (pardon the pun!) and I need Windex.

You guys are the best!

unspin

edit. on serious note, if it's actually vertigo, check out here, https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dizziness/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20371792

Vertigo can vary in seriousness and can come and go without reason or warning. (from experience.)

Here's why I'm drinking; if you can do better, continue drinking; if not stop. So far this year:

*car broke down

*got jury duty, cant get out of it

*ex-wife brings me her computer to clean a virus; turns out her and her b/f troll craigslist for other guys to fuck. this may be the beginning of a nasty custody battle.

So that's why I'm drinking, what's your g/d excuse? dead birds falling from the heavens?

You have to find out where he is buried, somewhere in New Jersey I think, but there is a popular internets reading tool called Netscape which can be used to search for the information.

Available here: http://download.cnet.com/Netscape-Navigator/3000-2356_4-10145004.html

Once the Tesla has been found, the next part of the task would be how to introduce the gasoil into the "gas tank" as it were. For this you will need a bathtub, some duct tape, a long tube (preferably canvas to absorb spillage) and a bicycle pump.

If all goes well, your Tesla's "gas tank" should be filled to capacity within an hour, ready for all manner of scientific skullduggery.

Good luck on your quest!

How to close Venitian blinds, courtesy of eHow

Locate the string with a tab or plastic ball on the end positioned at the top on the right side of the blinds. This string attaches to each individual slat and contains a trigger at the top to prevent the string from unraveling completely. This trigger also allows you to adjust the amount of available light entering a room. Pulling this string completely stacks the horizontal slats to allow complete access to the window.

2 Observe the upper left side of your blinds. A plastic, metal or wooden dowel attached to a plastic spindle rotates the horizontal slats 180 degrees. The dowel is usually about 10 inches long and is color coordinated with your blinds.

3 Pull the length of the string across the front of the blinds to the left to release the trigger and lower the slats until they extend to the bottom of the windowsill. This string allows you to raise and lower the blinds to your preference. Always make sure the slats are in a uniform position. Some blinds require users to pull to the right to release the hold mechanism on the string. You can raise or lower Venetian blinds using the string regardless of whether the slats are flat or spaced as long as all slats are positioned the same.

4 Adjust all horizontal slats to identical positions until all slats are lying flat. Make sure each slat is flat and uniform with all other slats at the same angle. This will allow for uniform opening and closing of the Venetian blinds without bending or damaging the slats.

5 Close the blinds by twisting the hanging dowel rod to close the venetian blinds completely. This will block all light from entering the window.

TLDR: Oh, wait, this is shitty advice...

<strong>Rule 34</strong> definitively denies "anti-porn" - there_just_simply_is_no_such "thing" nor "concept" that can be "anti-porn."

>If it exists, there is porn of it.

>I posted a picture on /b/. I rule 34'd it. Dear God.

EDIT: If it was shitty advice you were looking for, I think you might have found some - Reddit Never seems to fail.

Plastic surgery. It worked for these people.

Jobs can usually be found around here. I recommended an assault team and plenty of high explosives. The area will be highly guarded by cultists that call themselves geniuses.

you'll probably need the support of some sort of interest group to finance your campaign. personally, my choice would be this activist group, not sure if you've heard of them, they really have some values that strike my fancy

at their most recent gathering

Luckily for you, a lot of people upload to an online video tutorial series called Chat Roulette. It's being updated all the time, so you should be able to find what you are looking for.

As with every job, you need the right tools.

First, get a Ouija Board, and when you master its use, get a Magic 8 Ball.

It's a tradition going back to Roman times: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_meaning_of_the_phrase_walk_another_mile

So yes, do carry the officer's gun, even after he expects you to give it back. It's the good Christian thing to do.

If you're trying to watch The Boys 3 locally without using Amazon Prime Video, the way to do it would be a outdoor projector.

They're pretty cheap, this ones like $90 buxx on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0991YNM7B/

BE CAREFUL

If you get them too close they could become a critical mass.

I think its k=f/l where f is the average number of neutrons released per fission event and l is the average number of neutrons lost, either by leaving the system or being captured in a non-fission event. When k = 1, the mass is critical.

You might want to handle the package with some good gloves

If it is not this.....

https://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=Ag6HZOPXJ4Rh_h6Jqeu2GEubvZx4?fr=yfp-t-745-s&amp;toggle=1&amp;cop=mss&amp;ei=UTF-8&amp;p=never%20gonna%20give%20you%20up

You need to go away.

http://www.alibaba.com/showroom/types-of-buckets.html

There you go. You now can compile your list of buckets. v

If you're looking for something to do before you die, make a comprehensive online library of bucket types, materials, and uses for all the world to bask in the glory of.

You could try using headphones and jerkin' it while they're sleeping; however, your father is a man and therefore he's well versed in masturbation, so he'll know what you're up to when he sees your hairy palms. If you want to keep pleasuring yourself, you'll have to find an alternative to wankin' it. Obviously, you should try shoving your fingers up your ass to rub on your g-spot. If you can't figure out where your g-spot is, this will help. Fingering your asshole provides more pleasure than masturbating too, especially while watching hardcore porn, and all you'll have to deal with is little slivers of shit under your fingernails instead of hair all over your hands. Don't worry, your parents will just think the shit under your nails is dirt from working hard, in some dirt; they'll be so proud that you're doing something other than jacking off to hardcore porn that they'll probably even clean your shitty nails for you!

<strong>Shit Son</strong>, why would you do that?

Real talk you can buy sharps containers on amazon for cheap. Check with your local municipal laws about the disposal of sharps containers, but usually you then put the container in a brown paper bag, label that bag “biohazard-sharps”, fold and staple it closed, then toss with your normal trash

Bananas are radioactive. The 'Banana Equivalent Dose (BED)' is 0.1 micro-sievert. In order to substitute not eating bananas you need to give yourself a nice, constant dose of radiation.

What to do then?

The good news is that you can buy uranium ore on amazon. Eat a few pounds of this every week and you will be regular as 'old faithful'.

They actually have books to look up this kind of stuff. This is the best one:

What's the Number for 911?: America's Wackiest 911 Calls

You're supposed to dress up like that corpse in Goldfinger. Here's a link if you don't remember: http://www.007james.com/i/actresses/gf/shirley_eaton/shirley5.jpg

If you haven't earned enough Karma to have the makeup artist visit you every day, you need to purchase this: http://www.amazon.com/VSVO-Spandex-Skin-tight-Bodysuit-Costume/dp/B00ZBEUJ4C/