What are /r/socialanxiety's favorite Products & Services?

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For starters dude, you're average looking, like me and the rest of the male population. I've worked with people with autism and Asperger's, and you don't look like you have autism/Asperger's, no one does. Actually I'd love to be able to grow a beard like you. I haven't shaved in a week, and I've got a bit of fluff under my chin, haha. Can we swap eyes too, I hate having to wear glasses all the time? My point is, all of us feel uncomfortable in someway about our bodies, but would we swap our insecurities for other people's?

You're just beating yourself up, it's tough to stand up and fight it. But recognise that beating yourself up serves no purpose. I'd recommend therapy. Read a book called Models by Mark Manson.

This used to happen to me so much! I can totally sympathize with your situation.

I'm not sure if you're looking for any help, but in my case, I was able to overcome being called out with the following thought process:

1. The teacher didn't mean to cause you harm.
2. The teacher doesn't realize that you have SA; they just think you're a stoic person (which kind of makes you a badass).
3. The teacher is a human, and they're looking to others for validation. The fact that they could get a reaction from someone so straight-faced probably made their day.
4. You can also try something I did: I slowly backed away from caring what other people thought of me. Don't worry, I'll keep explaining. I did this by reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. If you take this route like I did, you really have to force yourself to follow through with it. (That's why it's hard for most people.)

When people mention my name in social gatherings (like lectures or parties) I now feel pride in myself, instead of wanting to throw myself out of the nearest exit door. So that's a plus.

The way you speak about yourself is alarming. You know looks aren't fixed right? You can alter your appearance with self improvement. The thing that will help you is getting to the gym and becoming the best person you can be my man. You're not weird, gross, or any of those bad lies your head tells you.

I recommend reading Mindset by Carol Dweck and Psychocybernetics. Do that and go to the gym, but before all that do 3 pushups if you liked my post.

Good luck to you on your journey.

Props to you for going up to the judge in the first place. That took courage, be proud of that.

As far as 'next time', there may not even be a next time and if there is, there are a bunch of different things you can do in order to delay or get out of serving altogether.

Check them out, here:

https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Out-of-Jury-Duty

Hate to be that guy, but in case you already weren't aware—I wasn't—these chili dogs are likely to contribute to your anxiety.

The idea, taken from Brain Maker by Dr. Perlmutter, is that an unbalanced gut is correlated with many mental disorders like anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, Alzheimer's disease, (the list goes on)—all because of the food we eat. I encourage anyone who suffers from a mental disorder to read this book. It explains in detail how the food you eat can affect your brain.

I don't judge you for eating fast food, I do it too, but in case you or anyone else weren't aware, I just wanted to spread the word.

I would read the book "The Power of Habit." Personally I found that many of my negative thoughts were just habitual ways of dealing with anxiety.

The author breaks a habit down into 1) cue/trigger, 2) behavior and 3) reward. See more info here. For example, in response to a negative experience, observation or belief, I would start in on my self-hatred, confirming and reinforcing my beliefs and then I would "reward" myself by fantasizing about fleeing from the situation by killing myself (never for real, just a fantasy). Doesn't sound like a reward but it was in a way.

This may or may not be applicable, but I found it really useful for tackling issues that cognitive behavioral therapy wasn't fixing.

People here complain about social anxiety not only because it makes them uncomfortable, but also because it makes them sad to be isolated. That is not your case, you describe a textbook case of introversion. The introvert <-> extravert spectrum is wide and it's perfectly acceptable to be anywhere on it. You shouldn't have to be classified in some mental illness when it's just your personality.

That being said it can be easier for your family to accept mental illness than to understand introversion if they are themselves extroverted. Social anxiety is a perfect scapegoat here. In could also, like you said, cause them to try to "fix" you even more. You need to think about it carefully. If your parents don't mind reading I suggest you make them check out Quiet by Susan Cain, she also did a TED talk that I didn't watch. A few chapters of the book focus on child-parent relationships and how much it is detrimental to ignore the personality of the child. The rest is about what is introversion, how it became stigmatized in our current society but was a praised quality not that long ago, and how to learn to work with it.

The main problem in your situation is that if you lack basic social skills you are likely to have a hard time with your professional life. You'll need to choose a career carefully (if it's not already done) where you can work alone and not be bothered too much.

It seems he also has a book called “Overcoming Anxiety - A five steps approach” which I assume will also have information from these books

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anxiety-Approach-Hodder-Publication/dp/034081005X

I have Social Anxiety Disorder and my social anxiety used to be through the roof. This was definitely something that was very common for me, and sometimes it would get so bad I'd actually "forget" how to walk and feel like I was stumbling around like a buffoon.

Honestly, it's hard to say exactly how I got over that (and all the other aspects of my social anxiety), but I think therapy had a lot to with that. Exposure therapy, in particular. One thing I read once (in "Man's Search for Meaning," it's a great book written by a well known psychologist) is that if you try to walk awkwardly then that may actually help. His example was with someone who sweat a lot, and even more so in public when they felt people were watching them. His advice was for her to try sweating as hard as she could, and it would in turn decrease the amount of sweating she was doing. Maybe the next few times you're walking in public you could try walking awkwardly just to see what it's like, even though (trust me, I know) it may seem impossible. I guess that's pretty similar to exposure therapy... Anyway, I hope you're able to alleviate this soon! I know how shitty it is.

You're already more interesting than you think. The fact that you have such a complex reaction means you are not some self-obsessed narcissistic dolt. Just don't let it get out of hand.

1) Examine your automatic thoughts. It is a false statement to say that attractive women will never find you attractive/interesting. You haven't met every single woman in the world and it is easy to find examples of hot women with ordinary guys (it's called love). Don't write yourself off. At the very least, interrupt the automatic thought and CHALLENGE IT. Don't enjoy your negative thoughts or use them as a comforter. (I used to do that, part of me liked having a negative self image and pitying myself. It was like indulging in a weird kind of fantasy -- by confirming I was [insert negative thing here], I was permitting myself to avoid change or experiencing the upheaval of having a better life.)

2) Do something about the things you can change. Start a very modest fitness program, eat better, develop a set schedule (whatever it may be). Start SMALL. If you are overweight, start walking for 30 mins a day, especially if you have a negative thought. Evaluate your progress and try something a little more challenging after 1 month.

You should read the bestselling book The Power of Habit too, it's a roadmap for changing bad habits effectively.

I kind of relate to you... a lot. Ever since I'm little people kept saying me that I was too shy and to stop being so quiet. I'm introverted and at a similar point in life like you. I have trouble connecting with other people. Thats the reason why I don't have that many friends, why I'm feeling lonely and depressed. None the less I try it from time to time , think positively and try to make an effort to change myself so I can always be the best version of myself. I have similar anxieties about my future and that I end up completly alone. The most important thing is to keep going, try and never give up as chessy as it sounds. If you worry that much as you described it I can recommend you a book that helped me a little bit. Maybe you are familiar with it. It's name is "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie ("How To Win Friends and Influence People" is also written by him but I haven't read it yet). It sounds like a stereotypical self-help book but it's so much more than that. It's full of anecdotes that help you utilise the tips and it's really effortless to read. If you haven't I would give it a try. I hope I could help you a little bit and remember there are people like you who feel similiar. Keep going...

This is brutal, I'm really sorry. I deal with the same feelings of worthlessness, fear of being a drain on the people around me, and insecurities. My heart goes out to you.

There's this crazy/amazing book I read called "The Power Of Now" in which he talks about the immense feelings of self-hatred he had prior to having a moment of clarity. I don't know if you'd like it or be interested in it, but I found it pretty powerful.

Anyway, people care. Sorry you're having a tough time right now.

Viktor Frankl talks about it briefly in "Man's Search for Meaning" in a very anecdotal sense. His theory is that anticipatory anxiety tends to produce the very anxiety that one is afraid of--the fear "becomes the mother of the event"--and the only way to counter it is to realize that forcing oneself to feel differently often fails too.

The goal becomes to force oneself to feel extremely anxious, thereby failing, and appearing LESS anxious as a result. Hence why it's called paradoxical intention:

>"Ironically enough, in the same way that fear brings to pass what one is afraid of, likewise a forced intention makes impossible what one forcibly wishes. This excessive intention, or 'hyper-intention,' as I call it, can be observed particularly in cases of sexual neurosis. The more a man tries to demonstrate his sexual potency or a women her ability to experience orgasm, the less they are able to succeed."

>"The following patient was a book-keeper who had been treated by many doctors and in several clinics without any therapeutic success. When he was admitted to my hospital department, he was in extreme despair, confessing he was close to suicide. For some years, he had suffered from a writer's cramp which had recently become so severe that he was in danger of losing his job...

>"...Dr. Eva Kozdera recommended to the patient that he do just the opposite of what he usually had done; namely, instead of trying to write as neatly and legibly as possible, to write the worst possible scrawl. He was advised to say to himself, "Now I will show people what a good scribbler I am!" And at the moment in which he deliberately tried to scribble, he was unable to do so. Within fourty-eight hours the patient was in this way freed from his writer's cramp, and remained free for the observational period after he'd been treated..."

Ive been there man. It will get better, you still seem to write well and are able to express yourself.

The getting better is not a reversal of your lack of social experiences, you don't need social experiences to combat your lack of them. There is always some deeper thing but that doesn't mean it has to be addressed or made better by going out and doing anything. Often with anxiety it is just in our heads and believe me from someone who has experienced similar things it can be just as easy as deciding not to be that way. Best book I ever read was http://www.abebooks.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-John-Bradshaw-HCI/11812238052/bd?cm_mmc=gmc-_-gmc-_-PLA-_-v01 . It is a lot more than what the title suggests. Just know if you want to get better, then you can and you will.

Alright.. well then I would also look into improving your lifestyle to cut anxiety levels in general. Which may then help your SA.

• Reduce caffeine intake, or (better) stop entirely
• Make sure you are getting enough sleep, and adhere to a regular sleep schedule as much as possible
• Get regular exercise, especially cardio, but don't overdo it!
• Try to eat healthier.. you don't have to go super health nut, but, at a minimum, try eating more veggies and fruits

Those 4 things right there will almost certainly help reduce your anxiety levels. Your overall mood will also get a good boost.

I'd also recommend trying mindfulness meditation for at least 5 minutes a day, which is a form of CBT. Mindfulness meditation doesn't have to be religious at all - forget all the new-agey stuff. It can be purely non-religious. The best book I've found that gives you a simple intro to mindfulness meditation, how to do it, and common problems, is Mindfulness in Plain English. There are also guided mindfulness meditations if you are having trouble on your own at first. Jon Kabat-Zinn has a few online, here is a good one. Do note this is a lengthy video, but well worth the time. Put some headphones on in a quiet place and listen to it.

The reason why mindfulness meditation works wonders for many people with anxiety is that by training yourself to be aware of your thoughts as they arise, you can spot anxious thought patterns. With practice in mindfulness meditation, stopping anxious thoughts and feelings can be as simple as just becoming aware of them, and then purposefully re-focusing your attention to your external world and sensations, instead of being caught up in them within your mind. Mindfulness meditation has helped me immensely with my own anxiety issues and I heartily recommend honestly trying it for a week or two.

I know some of these suggestions will be useful if you choose to try them. Best of luck to you!

Missing a night of sleep is pretty effective as a (short-lived) antidepressant (pdf). Depression and anxiety can reinforce one another, so it makes sense that the lack of depression could make socializing easier.

Regular exercise, anxiety, depression and personality: A population-based study M.H.M. De Moor ⁎, A.L. Beem, J.H. Stubbe, D.I. Boomsma, E.J.C. De Geus 2006

Also: http://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=studies+exercise+anxiety&amp;hl=en&amp;as_sdt=0&amp;as_vis=1&amp;oi=scholart&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=DOu7UI2kMe2D0QGH8oDYDw&amp;ved=0CCkQgQMwAA

Definitely not a scam. It might sound weird said like this, but a therapist is being paid specifically to help you improve your life. Usually it's an hour a week and they may/may not give you homework in between (homework, like "Go outside at least once a day for at least 10 minutes). Finding one can be as easy as typing in "your town" and therapists into google. If you live somewhere remote it could be harder - your insurance company will have a list of therapists/psychiatrists that take your insurance, your primary care provider should be able to give you some names, and you could probably just call/email hospitals near you to get contact info. You can usually get a therapist's email address too if you're more comfortable doing that than calling. Just a heads up, there are a couple different varieties of therapists, so you can read up on the different methods they use, and if you try one and don't find it helpful, that doesn't mean that therapy isn't for you - try checking out the other methods.

This is the mechanical turk. You won't make much on here, but you will definitely make some money. I haven't been on in a while, but I think you need to make some minimum amount (like $20) before they will send a check: https://www.mturk.com/mturk/welcome

I was in a similar situation which eventually lead to me becoming a writer. Maybe consider doing that? It's a good way to vent, keep your mind busy and exercised and it's a lot of fun.

I'm also planning on learning how to play guitar. That's another option.

Basically, find a hobby. Do something you enjoy or something that appeals to you. Learn that language and ignore the negative thoughts telling you that you can't do it, they're lying :)

This is a brilliant place to start if you wish to learn a language. It's very, very good. Give it a try.

I've often found that when there's structure in terms of what I'm supposed to do, it's a lot easier for me to be social than in an unstructured social situation like at a party, bar, or dance club.

Have you considered joining clubs or meetups for people with shared interests? If not, try going to https://meetup.com/find and typing in some interest of yours in to the search field. You could also try to take up a hobby like rock climbing, quilting, drawing, photography, or hiking and just participate in group activities related to those hobbies. Again, you can use meetup.com or maybe craigslist to find groups of people interested in these.

Another idea is volunteering, like at an animal shelter, homelss shelter, church, etc. That could help you meet people who care about the things you care about.

Also, have you ever tried therapy? If you find a good therapist, that can be a life saver.

well there's the obvious stuff like doctors and medication.

then there's local support groups. they don't come with as much social pressure.

then there's the less obvious stuff that helped me a bit. maybe its not right for you but ill post links just in case

https://peyoteway.org/

https://www.amazon.com/course-Miracles-Foundation-Inner-Peace/dp/1883360269

Fear not!! I have the same love of hoodies and I buy these from Amazon. They are as light weight as a tshirt. I wear them all summer and people think I am crazy until they feel how thin it is.

Alternative Men's Zip Hoodie Shirt, Black, 2X https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007IDNODC?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf

No offence, but I feel like this is quite an unhealthy approach to being more comfortable in social situations. Ideally you shouldn't even need to feel more charismatic or funny because that implies you're not good enough for other people as-is (which you are). I feel like some people just resonate with you more than others, like you say, "Maybe it’s because I can’t find like minded women".

That being said, I've heard How to Win Friends and Influence People is a pretty good book if you want to expand your social skills in general but keep in mind that you're prefectly fine as-is! Best wishes.

Totally off-topic but

>l like to ride my motorcycle in my free time.

Have you read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance ? I enjoyed it a lot and could relate the parts where he talks about motorcycle maintenance to maintaining my bicycle.

Yeah no worries: https://kat.cr/overcoming-social-anxiety-social-phobia-step-by-step-rar-t662702.html

I've listened to sessions 1 & 2. Session 1 was a necessary introduction to SAD, CBT, Dr Richards & his course. Pretty boring but there was some interesting information that was new to me re: body dysmorphias... If I ever doubted I had an actual disorder I certainly don't now!

Session 2 was more interesting, and outlined two beginners techniques, 'Slow Talk' and 'Thought Stoppage'. These are to be practiced for the next week before moving on to session 3. I found slow talk particularly intriguing because I find talking incredibly tiring and somewhat unpleasant. Probably because I dont talk often so its a viscous cycle... I also wonder if this is related to the fact that I wasnt spoken to much as a baby/toddler (my mum - an avoidant - had post partum depression until I was 2, and my dad worked long hours). Anyway, practicing speaking aloud, at a slightly slower than normal pace, strikes me as something I could benefit from in a socially panicked moment. Thought stoppage I am struggling with, however.

I also downloaded this social phobia guided meditation app to listen to at night: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hivebrain.andrewjohnson.phobia2 Quite like it, I set it to repeat a few times.

I am sorry about this, it sounds very upsetting and frustrating to not be able to remember things that matter to you. Do you feel you forget thing while telling or you feel same while writing? I do have good memory so i doubt if it relates with social anxiety but may it some sort of condition or something to do with your life. Usually people dont remember old things unless people remind so have you felt if someone try to remind you something does it refresh your memories? It okay we can learn to live in the moment and if you have time remembering stuff you can keep some sort of digital journal and having keywords to refresh your memories. I am 27 and neither have relationship so i understand loneliness. Anyway if you feel like talking in a safe space i am listener on 7cups here my profile

https://www.7cups.com/@YouLifeMatter Let take one day at a time.

I was self-taught. I was working in accounting and then switched careers and I'm glad I did. Good luck! If you're interested in web development here's a good place to start - https://www.freecodecamp.org/.

Oh man, this hits close home. I was once speaking to a girl that kept quickly switching from one eye to the other. Apparently, it's called the 'triangle technique', but she was doing it way too fast. It didn't look all that weird or anything, but it was definitely noticeable.

>how do you fight the recalling

Don't fight, accept them for what they are: thoughts. Everyone misunderstands sometimes, it's no big deal and dwelling on past events is unproductive. If you have a smartphone, Headspace is a great app for learning this.

>not being able to sleep?

Try diet and exercise.

Maybe you could join meetup.com if it's popular in Australia. I live in Asia and also have problems making friends with the locals here. The only time the locals here want to make a "foreigner friend" like myself is if they're learning English. Other than that they don't want anything to do with us. (And not just because of a language barrier; the ones who already speak English also want nothing to do with foreigners because they have no use for us, since they already speak English.) It's lonely but I think the pros of living here outweigh the cons. Maybe you'll find the same is true for Australia.

Hi again, I found this website and it has some great resources. Hopefully it can give you some hope that you don’t necessarily need a therapist, if it is not possible for you to access a therapist. Best wishes

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Social-Anxiety

I also found this book which has good reviews and says that it is based on therapeutic techniques

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Essential-Strategies-Social-Anxiety-Techniques/dp/1646119304/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?dchild=1&amp;keywords=social+anxiety&amp;qid=1627242257&amp;sprefix=social+anxiety&amp;sr=8-8

Small talk is exhausting and dreadful for everyone who has matured past emotional badminton.

"It wasn't communication in any meaningful sense of the term as I understand it. It was a kind of 'emotional badminton.' I acted happy, sympathetic, interested and cheerful and then it was her turn to act happy, sympathetic, interested and cheerful and then it was my turn, etc." - Dave Sim

If you read the right kind of interesting books, almost everyone is eager to move beyond small talk.

If you want a book suggestion, I recommend <em>Factfulness</em>.

Yeah - definitely worth a try! I've just started using this app - not so much for counseling, but just for keeping a log on mood and thoughts, etc. Could be useful in a counseling session though! https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=de.moodpath.android

No prob. You'll find what helps you too! I recommend Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind: Informal Talks on Zen Meditation and Practice. It's where I started. It's $9 on Amazon or maybe at your local library...

The best teacher of mindfulness, IMO, is Jon Kabat-Zinn. He was basically the one that brought the concept of mindfulness into the West and started the studies on its benefits. Look up some guided meditations and videos of his on Youtube. If you can find a copy of Full Catastrophe Living or The Mindful Way through Depression (it's not just for depression), those can be very helpful.

This quote by Eckhart Tolle helped me: >Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it's their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.

The actual threats and logic of your thinking may be totally fake or unreal, but that by no means makes social anxiety unreal (as I understand it). In the sense that you define the words sickness or handicap to mean "out of your control" or "self fulfilling", it may become out of your control and self fulfilling. it certainly does for me, I won't deny it.

But if you look at it as just another word for people who lack confidence and care too much about the opinions of others in irrational ways, etc it becomes a more tangible problem to tackle, even if a difficult one. The irrationality of the thought processes IS the sickness, not a reason to dismiss that the sickness exists. For your and my purposes, i would suggest using anxiety as a reason for your behavior and not an excuse, because an excuse implies it is totally out of your control. You are right, often the best way to break through fears is to hit them head on. Hope some of that makes sense.

As for mindfulness, it helps me in the sense that it makes me realize what a thought actually is. When I realize that thoughts are just arising in my head and I am not the true "author" of them, it helps me separate the things I put so much irrational value on, from my ego. Thoughts in themselves are light as a feather, but we add a lot of unneeded weight to them. Mindfulness helps in a lot of other ways too that I'm sure are in the book. Waking Up by Sam Harris was more in my wheelhouse when it came to understanding my thoughts, but he isn't for everyone and the book isn't about anxiety specifically. Take care

I can't say that I'm cured or if I ever will be. I have good days/weeks and sometimes even months where depression and anxiety seem to take over. What has helped me though is remembering and trying to stay motivated to do the things I know will help, like therapy, take my Xanax, journaling and trying to discredit the irrational, distorted thoughts that consume me. Even busting out my worn copy of The Feeling Good Handbook which was literally life changing for me in learning how to deal with my mental health, helps.

The most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and honor the work in progress. One day at a time.

Many of the techniques used in therapy you can learn on your own from books like Mind Over Mood, The Feeling Good Handbook, or one of the other books that are proven to be effective.

I would recommend The Power Of Now from Eckhart Tolle to ease your way into it, and then The Book of Secrets by Osho once you start to feel like you have the basics. I should mention I don't follow a strict buddhist philosophy, I simply try to learn from it what I can. In regards to SA, it is a gamechanger, because it provides a completely new view on the whole topic. It's coming to the point where I am grateful for my bad experiences in the past, simply because it gave me the motivation to reach the point I'm at now. The reason I brought up giving up distractions like drugs/alcohol or gaming is because they all help one ignore a problem. That's your motivation though, that pain you dull with weed. It's what will give you the necessary drive to struggle to improve.

We started out doing the body scan--you can search for "body scan Jon Kabat Zinn" for audio of this. Warning: I find it very sleep-inducing but at the beginning, it's recommended to try to stay awake. Jon Kabat-Zinn wrote a book called Full Catastrophe Living that's based on Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. He also has a shorter, similar book called The Mindful Way Through Depression. Both these books contain descriptions of the exercises you'd do in class, so if you checked them out, you'd feel very prepared. At an intro class in a meditation center, you basically just sit in silence with a group, and a teacher tells you about getting in the right posture, how to focus on your breath, and how to respond to thoughts that occur. It's usually around 30 minutes or less. I've been to intro classes in 3 different meditation styles and they're all very similar.

Think and Grow Rich. It's not just about money, it's about changing your whole mindset on the world. Napoleon Hill is a great man check out this speech here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLYJ1WX0veQ

Also read psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. It's about how to change your self-image. It all begins and ends with the self-image

One thing I can contribute - thinking about 'finding my passion' I found really dragged me down. It was almost like a to-do item and my approach was all wrong. I just got worse. I still can't say everything makes sense but a book that helped me immensely is call "So Good They Can't Ignore You." It's an easy read and I highly recommend it.

>understanding that and believing that internally are two different things

I love this line, and it's a similar version of something I often say. Knowing something conceptually doesn't mean that you've internalized it, that you know it deep down in your gut rather than as an abstract thought of the mind. I agree with /u/ZFree2013 in that meditation has personally helped me in similar matters.

Something else you might consider, if you have the guts for it, are what I've come to know as "comfort zone challenges". It's a concept I first heard about in psychologist Viktor Frankl's book "Man's Search for Meaning" (a fantastic little book about the psychology of concentration camp inmates during WWII). Basically, you have to consciously decide to put yourself in situations that you want to avoid. For example:

Your problem: You worry about things you did which, looking back on them, makes you feel awkward, embarrassed, or ashamed. The solution? Purposefully do things awkward or embarrassing. Talk to your waiter with an exaggerated lisp. Make eye contact with other people in traffic while you jam out to your favorite song. Put on your best "I can't believe someone would wear that in public" outfit next time you go to the mall. Go through the drive-thru backwards and have your passenger order and get the food. Walk up to a cute girl, say "hi, I like your shoes", and walk away.

The point is, once you start getting embarrassed on purpose, you'll realize that it doesn't really matter. It doesn't change you unless you let it affect you. Everyone does stupid, embarrassing things; it's how you react to them that matters. Are you going to run and hide or keep your head up and play it off? Gaining the confidence to laugh at yourself rather than beat yourself up over the little things makes all the difference in the world.

There's a legendary book by a guy named Dale Carnegie called "How To Win Friends and Influence People." Required reading in some schools. Some amazing advice on what makes people tick, and how to appeal to it in a healthy, positive way.

One of the rules is, "Show a genuine interest in other people." This functions on two levels-

1- There's nothing in the world anyone likes to talk about more than themselves. Give them the opportunity, ask them about themselves. You can not say a word the whole time they talk, yet at the end they walk away feeling like you're a good egg. And this is because you indulged them.

2- You see by doing this that people, as it turns out, are a lot more interesting than they appear to be on the surface. With almost anyone, if you dig around a bit you'll find some gems in there.

Besides being great at creating new bonds with people, you're giving people one of the most human things you could- attention. Validation that they exist and they're interesting. There's a nobility to it.

TL;DR- Ask people questions about themselves.

I had very little experience with it. I read a little bit of Mindfulness in Plain English and tried to do some meditation on my own before but in retrospect I wasn't doing it right. I really learned how to do it after going to the retreat.

Sit down and try it! Instead of saying "I don't" (which involves negatives), reword them for positives ("I want" or "I will"). Be aware of what you want to change. Each time ya do what you're trying to inhibit, have a mental repercussion when you do what wants to be changed. Read the list often too...to keep it at the forefront.

Find what works for you. If a list is not the right choice, find what is.

Also, change one habit at a time...rather than attempt to change everything at the same time. The small changes lead to making the big picture.

Avoid self judgment. You are what you think.

Research. Learn. Read. Turn your want into an obsession.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a wonderful book. "Think and Grow Rich" is another fantastic choice.

Also, there's a book by the name of "Full Catastrophe Living." It's not geared directly toward social anxiety, but it teaches a lot of relaxation techniques... I was working with it a couple years ago when I literally couldn't be in the presence of other people without freaking out; Now, I actually enjoy other's company :) You might wanna look into it! perhaps even your local library might have a copy :)

What helped me is that I learned to meditate. It teaches you to be in the moment, and see fearful thoughts/emotion in a certain way, where they are more easily overcome. To me I can see that fear thought/emotion as not who I am, but just what I am experiencing, and in some inexplicable way that makes them not as important anymore. A good book about this is The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Hope that helps? :)

There's a nice book written by a FBI agent about it, they learned how to be befriend people in order to facilitate their spying work. It's pretty straight forward and sets the basics for how people become closer.

It helped me a lot to start thinking of my "blank mind reaction" as a trauma response. It helps me to separate a behavior I hate and cannot control from my own self worth. You are not weird.

I highly recommend you check out the work of Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. We can internalize some nasty shit based on experiences that left us feeling worthless/helpless and PTSD extends to everyone, not just people who experienced combat.

Read this and see if it has an relevance to how you feel: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=asc_df_0143127748?tag=bngsmtphsnus-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=80608063550931&amp;hvnetw=s&amp;hvqmt=e&amp;hvbmt=be&amp;hvdev=m&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=&amp;hvtargid=pl...

I bought a bunch of books from Amazon UK and found this one to be the best:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Worry-Workbook-Cognitive-Behavioral-ebook/dp/B00FOT65TC

I've used it for job interviews and presentations. It's a bit of a hassle doing the exercises. But they do target each stage/aspect of social anxiety, in a logical way and I find it helps calm down my overactive amygdala and reduce post event rumination.

I'm not a fan of the "Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness" by Gillian Butler that most UK therapists recommend.

You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Life is so much harder when we beat ourselves up. It’s like having your worst bully in your head. You need to practise some self compassion. I think this book would really help you.

Read the book People Tools. There are a series of these books and I’ve read most of them. Got some really good tips and information that helped me move forward.

https://www.amazon.com/People-Tools-Strategies-Relationships-Prosperity-ebook/dp/B00HYM90LC/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=3VUZTSR9LVZI&amp;keywords=people+tools&amp;qid=1661832992&amp;sprefix=people+too%2Caps%2C153&amp;sr=8-3

I am in the middle if this audible book called rejection reset by Scott Allen at the moment, it is truly brilliant. You do need to be willing to take his advice work on board and work on yourself, but I feel it is going to be life changing for me. I find audible easier to take in, but I am going to buy the paperback so I can make notes and quickly flick to chapters. I have other self help books, but this has really hit the spot, I highly recommend it. (I am in no way affiliated with Amazon or this book, I am just very taken with it) Good luck guys. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rejection-Reset-Confidence-Shame-Free-Lifestyle-ebook/dp/B075JMRTL2

The book &quot;The Four Agreements&quot; helped with a lot of my anxiety issues, but I'm due for another read.

Derma doctor makes great anti-perspiring wipes.

https://www.dermstore.com/dermadoctor-med-e-tate-antiperspirant-wipes-30-pack/11412608.html?affil=thgppc&amp;gclid=CjwKCAjwy_aUBhACEiwA2IHHQD5qh1_Ichho07cJmu9IPWPDW8PpIThJ8frmDdWTGuDJW5EiF8xBHRoCmkMQAvD_BwE&amp;gclsrc=aw.ds

They’re meant for your pits, but I used to use them on the face for events. Weddings, clubbing, ballet performances and stuff. It’s a secret makeup artist trick.

It may be tempting… but do NOT use them everywhere. Your body does need to naturally sweat.

Gamer Goo - Antiperspirant for Hands, Non-Sticky Drying Lotion for Better Gamer Grip, Hand Cream for Gamers and Athletes, Cherry Blossom, 1.7 oz https://www.amazon.com/dp/B081HGJV5B/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_T95KT11P4PWC6W8R98

This is Gamer goo. It’s used by athletes and professional gamers for sweaty hands.

Both items SHOULD be available in India, but I’m not sure about the dermatoctor.

Here's something similar I've read:

> "Externalizers are the easy children to spot in a family system: a kid who blows up over nothing, a teenager who keeps getting in trouble, an adult child who causes problems. Whatever their issues, externalizers are always the ones in the foreground of their parents’ concern. Their parents devote more energy and worry to them than their other kids.

> Internalizers often appear to need less attention and nurturance than externalizers because they rely on their inner resources. Being internalizers, they’re embarrassed to ask for help and instead try to solve problems on their own. They hate to feel like a bother. This makes them low-maintenance children who are easy to overlook. For busy or preoccupied parents, this self-reliance may invite neglect. Parents may think their child is getting by just fine without much attention. Indeed, self-contained internalizers do seem to get by on less attention; but this doesn’t mean they can get by on emotional neglect.

> [...] Emotional neglect can make premature independence feel like a virtue. Many people who were neglected as children don’t realize that their independence was a necessity, not a choice."

Copied from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson.

> "Externalizers are the easy children to spot in a family system: a kid who blows up over nothing, a teenager who keeps getting in trouble, an adult child who causes problems. Whatever their issues, externalizers are always the ones in the foreground of their parents’ concern. Their parents devote more energy and worry to them than their other kids.

> Internalizers often appear to need less attention and nurturance than externalizers because they rely on their inner resources. Being internalizers, they’re embarrassed to ask for help and instead try to solve problems on their own. They hate to feel like a bother. This makes them low-maintenance children who are easy to overlook. For busy or preoccupied parents, this self-reliance may invite neglect. Parents may think their child is getting by just fine without much attention. Indeed, self-contained internalizers do seem to get by on less attention; but this doesn’t mean they can get by on emotional neglect.

> [...] Emotional neglect can make premature independence feel like a virtue. Many people who were neglected as children don’t realize that their independence was a necessity, not a choice."

Copied from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson.

You’re welcome! It’s just so freeing (I have a lot of very fine hair that tangles if I so much as look at it weird). If you don’t want to cut it just yet, I would love to suggest a long hair hack for the spring and summer months. I used to gather my hair like I was going to put it in a ponytail (I also get anxiety over this haha), twist it up and then back down along the same area, and pin it up using a clip that was made for long hair, so it was like a very low-effort French twist. I think it instantly elevates any look, even if the outfit is super casual. I got the inspiration from the lady in the first review picture. I always got compliments on it.

You can! This shirt exists. https://www.amazon.com/LookHUMAN-Ive-Got-Anxiety-T-Shirt/dp/B08LPNJK9H/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1JKPT0KBD0H09&amp;keywords=i%2Bhave%2Banxiety%2Bshirt&amp;qid=1644554455&amp;sprefix=i%2Bhave%2Banxiety%2Bshirt%2Caps%2C116&amp;sr=8-2&amp;customId=B0752XJYNL&a...

Lots of similar ones on Amazon.

Yes it make sense i too feel same way at times. Somedays are tough because of all the isolation that anxiety creates. Anyway if you want to chat about it anytime you can come to 7cups( mental health talk place) to let it out. here my profile https://www.7cups.com/@YouLifeMatter

Also i dont know your exact situation so i am not really sure about giving advise. In case you want to talk more about you can message me on 7cups( site for mental health talk) here my profle https://www.7cups.com/@YouLifeMatter

1. Desire to change. (Being fed up with the anxiety preventing you from living the life you want.

2. Know that it's possible to change. (I thought the anxiety was an inherent part of my personality and would be forever.)

3. Start fighting. (It's similar to in difficulty to working a manual labor factory job.)

4. Go to your Dr. or a Psychiatrist. They will prescribe you an SSRI.(Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor, aka an antidepressant) This will lessen the anxiety a bit, allowing you to do the other work required.

5. Therapist. If feels great to talk about your anxiety to someone who understands what you're going through, and doesn't judge you, and also knows strategies for fighting your specific anxiety and give you homework. (You will likely have to visit a few different ones before you find one you like.)

6. Meditation. I know it has a reputation for hippy dippyness, but it has meta studies that show it's effective. It will show you that your anxious thoughts, don't come from "you". They are products of a monkey mind.

6 Exposure therapy. This is where the major battles will take place. When you fight your anxiety and have a successful social interaction, it will start feeling great.

Who are you on RYM if I may ask? I may know you. My profile is https://rateyourmusic.com/~rambles1. I been banned for a year from the community. But anyways don’t delete your account I found many great artists from the site from way different genres.

Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents might help.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety pretty much boils down to stepping outside your comfort zone. Start with something really easy and the more you do it the better you'll get at it. I recommend this book for more information on CBT techniques for social anxiety:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Yourself-Critic-Anxiety/dp/1250161703

It's really great that you're recognizing this at a young age and trying to get better. You might not have to miss out on your teenage years like I did.

If you think you might need professional help, talk to your parents about it or talk to someone at your school like a counselor.

Based on this thread and some of the other threads you've posted: Have you ever considered that you might be autistic, and not merely socially anxious?

Try this book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CQ1WNHY/

There is a book called Reinventing Your Life, its the patient manual for schema

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Behaviour/dp/0452272041

Hey! I wouldn't say I've beaten social anxiety but I've managed to improve my quality of life when it comes to social situations. I still feel anxious sometimes but its easier to find courage and reach out to people to build connections. I've been working through Acceptance and commitment therapy, and have recently started this book.

>7cupsoftea

https://www.7cups.com its this website where you can connect to a 'listener' who can help if you're feeling anxious. it's not specifically for anxiety tho, more so just if you wanna talk to someone.

When the teacher is looking for someone to call on, I usually pretend I'm taking notes or thinking about the answer.

But even if you give a dumb answer or don't know, just remember that everyone will forget what you said t-2 minutes. Like, do you remember and or care about what anyone else said in class today? Probably not.

I have some 'weird' kids in class I guess you could say. There's this one student in my class who gives very religious answers. Sure it might be weird. But does anyone really care? That kid talks to more people than I do haha. And he gets his participation grade as well.

Also, I like to remember that I'm only there for 4 months. And will most likely not see 90% of those people next semester.

Also next time you are signing up for classes check out Rate My Professors to see how much participation matters in the class.

NO !! ..I'm not say to pretend you are retarded.. By "retardation", I mean slow down, or decrease in intensity: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/retard

Literally just walk/move slower (but think the same as always)

Have you sought individual counseling for society anxiety? I have not, so I can't give any perspectives, but I am considering this and think it might be helpful?

What about joining some sort of fan group online that also has meetings in person? I'm sure they're out there.

There's meetup.com, but it is pretty difficult to actually go to any of those events. You could start a new group for people with society anxiety if there isn't already one. Although that would be putting yourself out there a bit, so I'm not sure you'd be comfortable.

I find I'm pretty "strange." I act professional at work and enjoy being goofy and more myself when I get home. Maybe everyone is like that? I watch the YouTube channel Jenna Marbles has and I watched an interview she had with Larry King on his channel and I just found it amazing how she was still herself through that. I think the world might be missing out on some of my weirdness though :).

I’m not a therapist but I recommend buying this book. I had my own (fears rather than phobias) and this book has helped a lot to overcome them. Talking on the phone was one of mine. slowly putting myself in positions that were uncomfortable made me a lot more comfortable… if that makes sense. Emphasis on take it slow. She’s only 14 and has plenty of time to work through this. Hopefully some day she will be comfortable to discuss with a professional. I wish for you all the best!

No problem. Here's the stuff I've been using: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E7GESKG?ref=nb_sb_ss_w_as-ypp-ro-model_ypp_ro_model_k1_1_9&amp;crid=2NKYIJR2OENJG&amp;sprefix=bulk+supp

I guess it is a good idea to read a related book. You can find a pirated copy by googling 'shyness and social anxiety workbook pdf'.

This is Alexis. First to counteract anxiety. Observe your anxiety know where its coming from. Embrace anxiety. If you resist anxiety then you will be more vulnerable to it. Accept it and you will feel calm LASTLY, . Demand More of anxiety. This will help you not worry so much of anxiety and just letting it come to you. The Result is you BUILD Confidence.

Go to the Link down below to learn how you can CONQUER Anxiety. (affiliate)

https://tinyurl.com/yah5wkor

Hey, you can check out SurveySparrow, a Conversational Survey Platform. It has the audience panel which helps you target your audience and has exclusive offers for students ( if you require a paid plan).

A lot of people swear by the HeadSpace app, although I haven't tried it personally. It has free content but if you want everything there is a monthly fee. When I started with meditation, I just searched on YouTube &quot;5 min meditation&quot; but now I just set a timer on my phone and meditate in silence.

There are a lot of different methods for meditation but I just use the basic one:

1. Find a place and sit comfortably.
2. Focus your thoughts on your breath moving in and out. Try not to control your breath, just breath naturally.
   
3. When you notice your mind will wander away from focusing on your breath, gently bring your focus back to paying attention to your breathing. Don't judge yourself for losing focus. Catching yourself losing focus and noticing your mind wander is what makes your mind stronger. Don't try to focus on silencing your mind just keep your focus on your breath.
   

Also you can check out /r/meditation for more information.

It's perfectly fine for your thoughts to be racing while starting mindfulness. That's kind of the point, you need to practice a lot in order be able to be mindful all the time. Just try to realize that your mind is going off on it's own and return to mindfulness every time you notice it and eventually it gets easier to be mindful and to realize you're not being mindful.

I'm using the Headspace app right now.

https://www.headspace.com/

You can use some of the app for free, or you can just download the audio through torrents.

I'd also suggest this guy, http://mindgames.gg/

He works with the professional LoL team TSM and while his program is geared towards video games, it could certainly apply to more traditional sports, chess, playing an instrument, etc. Might be worth the try or at least look into it.

Whatever you do, don't get mad at yourself for not being mindful while practicing mindfulness... that's the point you need the practice. And try to do something mindful every day. It could be a walk, sitting in your bed, petting your pets, whatever.

Check out Privacy; you can make a separate credit card for each merchant w/ spending limits. So aside from being good for security, if you want to cancel something you can just close the card.

Also cannot find audio and try to create myself by recomendation in book. I made audio for 5.1(!) channel audio system where each sound purpose for different channel. You can play it on music player like PotPlayer. File has name "2_v15_51_SeaBird_180505-1155.ac3" Sorry, for many number of sounds, but they all are in sea theme. If it interesting i will write where each sound located (which channel) and its title. https://files.fm/f/tg6xetk9

Hello! Nicholas here from Confidist (https://www.confidist.com - A place for meaningful conversation. We are donation based so I hope no one minds the plug). I find that preparation is great for something like a meeting for an interview... but detailed reference notes can absolutely ruin the moment and turn into the situation you described. The nice middle-ground for me has always been *minimal* notes. Maybe one or two words that remind me about a particular subject or broad talking point that I would rather not miss. That way in a quick glance, if needed, I can take a look at my notes and find a keyword the jogs a whole series of thoughts. However, more often than not... I am glad to just throw away all those pesky notes and be in the moment. And remember the conversation is an interaction between two people, so the best you can do is be attentive and responsive even if it just shows you are listening. Ask questions! Not preprepared ones, but follow up questions. This not only shows you are interested.. but it actually takes the pressure off of you to carry the conversation. And most people really enjoy going into greater detail about whatever subject they happen to bring up.. especially if that subject is themselves! -- Good luck, and I hope this helps.

Both online and offline there are various options. You can try:

• Joining an online game focused on multiplayer (MMO). These games pretty much always have a way of linking up with other players in a team/guild/clan. That's a safe way to talk to others and have a group feeling/effort at the same time.

• Find a Discord server around an interest of yours. There are servers about pretty much anything. You can either type or voice-chat, depending on what you're comfortable with.

• Have a look at Meetup.com and see if there are any meetups happening on something that interests you. There are meetups on many many things, from board games to public speaking to green energy to makers/builders. This is a way to combine socializing with learning and working on something you like.

Good luck!

Ah I'm not special or anything, but thanks. If you do want to meet new people who will do activities like this and help you work on getting over anxiety, there are sure to be some social anxiety support groups in your area...maybe even meetup.com might have some social anxiety groups in your area

I just want to echo the other posters in saying journaling is a great way of exploring your emotions and finding out what is wrong. FocusWriter is a good tool for this if you don't want to use an old fashioned pen and paper. You can find out more / download it here:

https://gottcode.org/focuswriter/

I feel like this is blaming the victim.

People are not born afraid of other people. We naturally long for human connection. The issue is not our "personality", our failed attempts to fit in, or the way we communicate. Those are the symptoms, not the problems.

From Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay Gibson:

> "People with poor self-esteem have a deeper problem than they think. Their deeper problem is that, somewhere along the way, someone has made them feel uncertain about whether they deserve to be here at all.
[...]
People with low self-esteem come into my office wondering, What’s the matter with me? But I think instead, “What happened to you?”.
I think this because I know these people did not enter the world feeling flawed or doubting their right to be here—that is, not until they encountered the bow and arrow of another person’s rejection or criticism. [...]
Injuries to self-esteem come from feeling that your uniqueness was rejected. People with low self-esteem carry this story in their body language; they are constantly trying to make themselves appear absent."

Yes I know. Thank you for your kind words.

I agree with you I think this disorder is quite severe.

I was just looking at The Great Courses on Amazon Video, they have on CBT which is very good:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Setting-Therapeutic-Goals/dp/B06WVC315G/

For interest have you ever tried shrooms to treat it? (apparently that's a thing)

I highly recommend readings Ellen Hendriksen's book "How to Be Yourself" and potentially doing her online courses! The book is cheap and worth its weight in gold us socially anxious. I had the same issues with my father basically saying "Everyone has social anxiety, you're fine", so I understand where you are coming from. Our parents were simply born in a generation that did not have proper education on the importance of mental health and the vital role psychiatrists and psychologists (on top of pharmacological meds) play in treating SA. What I can say is I benefitted greatly from exposure therapy, but if you are driven enough and find the proper resources you can make progress without a therapist. It is a shame so few insurances cover therapy :/ Best of luck and I linked the book belowhttps://www.amazon.com/How-to-Be-Yourself-audiobook/dp/B079YWVTRX/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=3KU9F7XSQGAH8&amp;amp;dchild=1&amp;amp;keywords=how+to+be+yourself&amp;amp;qid=1631382938&amp;amp;sr=8-1

I still struggle with it and probably always will to some extent but over time I've learned to accept the fact that I cannot control what others think about me. As much as that used to drive me crazy, the fact of the matter is that I cannot do a damn thing about it other than staying in but I didn't want to do that for the rest of my life.

Know your boundaries. I mean, I still look forward to plans getting cancel by someone else and having a night in from time to time but the biggest thing for me was coming to terms with the fact that control anything that anyone else does. I always used to default that someone else was judging me or thinking really shitty things about me. i was defaulting to the worst possible scenarios without giving them or a situation a chance to turn out alright. I've learned to deal with the factors that I can control and have worked really hard to not worry about the factors that I cannot control.

It's easy for me to think about the worst possible scenario in any situation. I'm a realist and while there are good and bad things about this personality type, I was letting it be my crutch. I'm not saying its easy or that I'm in the exact same shoes as you but I was tired of the stress eating at me all the time and have worked very hard to try and not stress about things I cannot control. I read the book, The subtle art of not giving a f*ck and it helped put some of this in perspective for me.

Most of all, don't be hard on yourself. It does suck and its not easy but being hard on yourself is a vicious cycle. Know your limits and feel comfortable pushing them before you push them.

Good luck. you're not alone.

I understand you might feel like it now, but it's never too late man. You can still build a decent and happy life. Probably won't be easy and won't be in a week, but you still can.

You can start by getting help from a therapist.

Personally I also recommend reading some book about SA, like this one, so that you see the bigger picture - it might change your mindset. I'm rooting for you.

Hi again, I found this website and it has some great resources.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Social-Anxiety

I also found this book which has good reviews and says that it is based on therapeutic techniques.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Essential-Strategies-Social-Anxiety-Techniques/dp/1646119304/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?dchild=1&amp;keywords=social+anxiety&amp;qid=1627242257&amp;sprefix=social+anxiety&amp;sr=8-8

Hi again, I found this website and it has some great resources.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Social-Anxiety

I also found this book which has good reviews and says that it is based on therapeutic techniques

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Essential-Strategies-Social-Anxiety-Techniques/dp/1646119304/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?dchild=1&amp;keywords=social+anxiety&amp;qid=1627242257&amp;sprefix=social+anxiety&amp;sr=8-8

I see many people seeking help on here, that seem to be in a far worse place than I was, and I always thought they should either a) try to help themselves with better resources, or b) if that fails then seek professional help.

I found this book was very comprehensive, I am sure there are many other good ones, they seem to be more beneficial than making some posts or comments on here.

https://www.amazon.ca/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Behavioral/dp/0465005454

Orson Scott Card, in the preface to one of his short story collections, wrote about how "stories are the atomic units of society".

The fictional story <em>Snow Crash</em> is of course on a similar theme, taken to an extreme.

Anyway, lots of people that are socially awkward treat the little stories and memes that link people together as silly. Admittedly, they are silly. But they are also important.

Think about religious cultures. What food to eat on a holiday is not important. It's the stories about why we that food on that day that matters.

C. S. Lewis wrote about his ideal Christianity as a "good infection". Whatever your little stories and memes are, enjoy them by yourself and you can enjoy sharing them with others. For good or ill, that is most of society.

Have you read Frank Fleming's book Superego?

It looks like a story about a science fiction hitman. But it's actually a story about social anxiety.

He's such a good hitman the action scenes are over quick. Then the real story starts. He has to...check into a hotel....talk to a waitress at a restaurant...try to make small talk...etc.

The author does not make the character's source of social anxiety realistic. But that is okay. A fake sci-fi explanation makes it seem more understandable to most people.

I recommend reading a book about how to be social, for example this one.

There's also a website to help people get better at socializing. (go to articles)

But, you need to talk to people to get better at socializing. It doesn't come on its own, neither does friends, I've learned that. You probably can't find words because your nervous, so do some exposure exercises.

You know for me it really helps framing spending time as a learning experience. For example, I go to the movies alone. Normally I'd feel bad about it. But by understanding it as an exercise for personal growth I feel good about it.

I have read so much about spending time alone and actually spent time alone to put together a little book on the things that worked best for me. It's free on Amazon (kindle unlimited): ALONE TIME

I really hope the things I write about will help you as they helped me.

Yes. When I began supplementing magnesium glycinate, I noticed I felt much more at ease just standing in public places. I'm not sure if it's placebo or not, but if you read the reviews on this supplement, a lot of people report the same thing calling it "life changing" for them.

https://www.amazon.com/Doctors-Best-Absorption-Magnesium-Glycinate/dp/B000BD0RT0

Shyness, nervousness, social anxiety and social anxiety disorder are all the same thing but at different points on that spectrum. That's why they are treated together.

https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-2nd/dp/1472120434

Everyone is on that spectrum. It's not like you have something or you don't. Even the most confident extrovert speakers will get a little nervous when doing public speaking. Like standing on a stage and doing a presentation to an auditorium full of people. When the nervousness increases and gets out of hand, those butterflies in your stomach can become gut wrenching anxiety threatening to suffocate you.