What are /r/CPTSD's favorite Products & Services?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

I love her. Have you heard her TED talk or read her books? She is a remarkable human being.

EDIT: Her book - https://www.amazon.com/Deepest-Well-Long-Term-Childhood-Adversity-ebook/dp/B01N7HZ73B

Her foundation website - https://centerforyouthwellness.org/

In Pete Walker's book, he states his belief that many mental illnesses are really unrecognized CPTSD. It's really really good if you haven't read it.

Here's an article that might help you with that.

I was just reading in this book that self abandonment is one of the biggest things trauma survivors experience and I think that’s what you’re referring to. There’s also a great section on how big the impact of neglect is. I was neglected a lot as a kid too on top of the abuse. Life is inexplicably difficult as a result. Wishing you ease and comfort.

What if you frame it like adding more play to your life?

I bought sidewalk chalk and bubbles to play with. My SO just bought us Ice Pops for the summer. We play games. You're never too old to play.

I’ve had my copy for years and it’s helped me through a lot. Here is a PDF file for anyone who’s interested, I highly recommend it

I’m slowly making my way through Pete Walker’s book “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” and giving myself permission to Just Be. I don’t tolerate the inner critic’s voice hardly at all anymore and I’m really committed to doing loving things for myself so for example I don’t do things like socializing when I don’t want to. Identifying my boundaries and not letting anyone, especially me, cross them is something I consider to be a big part of recovery work. I’ve also gotten to a place where I can usually pause and think before reacting to something and that’s helped me sift and sort through my trigger-thoughts vs my actual, thoughtful assessments of various situations.

For me, “doing” recovery work mostly just means being kind and compassionate to myself, asking Why? a lot (like why did I jump to that conclusion or why did that hurt me so bad), resting as much as possible, and honoring boundaries.

Give her Pete Walkers book complex PTSD

This book is a great introduction and a real wake up call for anyone masking trauma.

There are many different types of meditation. When we are taught about meditation, we are often only taught about one or a handful styles.

Here is a link to 16 types of meditation. That is not exhaustive.

Meditation exists in cultures across the globe and history. There are almost as many types of meditation as there are people. Just because you don’t mesh with one style doesn’t mean you cannot meditate.

I bought a heated mattress pad a couple years ago and oh my god, it's SO nice to actually be warm.

I already know that I'm tough enough to suffer through anything, so I don't have to do that anymore. It's okay, I can just take care of myself. There's nothing left to prove.

I am blessed w/ an understanding SO who has no problem w/ me controling the volume and doesn't complain that the level of noise considered acceptable sometimes changes.

For the rest of the world, I've found some success w/ these. Earplugs designed for you to still hear the world around you....they just make it less loud.

Edit: There are other products that I'm sure do the same thing. These are just the ones I bought.

Yes, I have that too.

Anecdote: Years ago I went to massage school, and we learned a quick-and-dirty assessment method for fibromyalgia. The method was just applying pressure to certain points on the body to see how many are painful, and if a certain percentage were painful it indicated possible diagnosis. Not a lot of pressure, just push your thumb into the spot. All of them hurt on me. And I was like, You mean there are people who don't hurt all over?

u/Glimmerlicht has some great suggestions. I would add two thumbs up for foam rolling as a good self-help method. A few minutes every morning makes a pretty big difference over time (even in the first few days or weeks), and it's cheap and easy and hard to hurt yourself with.

If you are into these kinds of things, Alexander Technique is also great for learning how to not tense your body. It's also got some aspects that are learnable from books. I like Missy Vineyard's book, How You Stand... and Barbara Conable's How to Learn the AT.

Lastly, learning tai chi takes a lot of commitment over time (and requires a teacher who really "has it"), but the practice has entirely changed my body and continues to do so. Among other changes, it's like I have a new neck.

Edited: Noticed after the fact that u/Glimmerlicht had mentioned foam rolling and modified my statement.

I can’t speak to the processing on your own as I’m terrible at that, but I can recommend a book that may help. It’s incredibly dense and you’ll likely have to piecemeal reading but it’s a fantastic resource.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Best of luck

Here it is in PDF form

I'm sorry, you seem in a lot of pain right now.
Why do we turn against ourselves so hard?
You are not someone to get rid off, you deserve help. Is there not any doctor where you can have a honest breakdown and ask for any help avaible asap? I often feel hopeless too, but I tell myself that I survived the worst already, so I can survive the aftermath too. You're a strong person too, to suffer so much and still stand. It might be really dark right now, but things always change. I wish we could share a hug until the worst was over.
Until you find therapy, there are skills you can pratice on your own on your better days. Recovery will take time. Self-compassion & patience and we might just get lucky in getting better.

If you haven't read it/can't buy it, here is Pete Walkers 'From surviving to thriving' as PDF!

>Either she is a liar or her memory is indeed unstable

OP, this is all classic BPD. Not CPTSD. The conditions overlap but have some really stark differences. Unfortunately BPD is characterized by instability in relationships so this is a remarkably hard problem to be up against in a marriage.

Some mental health practitioners will diagnose BPD as CPTSD to avoid the stigma. But it is an inaccurate diagnosis. Here is a graphic to help you understand the differences.

I'm glad you found Stop Walking on Eggshells - you're going down the right road.

Spend some time on /r/bpdlovedones - you'll get more targeted help there than here.

You should read Splitting to understand your worst-case scenario.

A good book on this (at least that Ive read) is Mad in America by Robert Whitaker. The entire field is built on a house of cards

Several years ago, I was struggling with ambivalent feelings around a particular fetish I had. A book that helped me was The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin. It's about how our eroticism develops over the lifespan, and how sometimes we have fantasies that we can't fully understand. There is a fairly good amount on humiliation in the book. It's over 20 years old, but I don't think anyone has written a better book on this topic.

Edit: Just to summarize the main takeaway from the book, our erotic fantasies are often elegant and clever ways our subconscious mind has come up get basic needs (for closeness/intimacy/dignity/power, etc.) met from our early life. In the case of humiliation, a person might become aroused by humiliation (either inflicting it on others or having it inflicted on themselves) as a means of eroticizing (and thereby taking back power from) a situation in which they felt their power or dignity was taken away from them. That's a very crude summary. The book goes into things with much more nuance.

Can't do the steps when you're too far gone in an episode babe.

You're able to type here, so go to this website and turn on the rain sound. Crank it up.

http://www.rainymood.com

Next; Name 5 things you can touch Name 5 things you can see Name 5 things you can taste Name 5 things you can hear Name 5 things you can smell

Picture each item in your head. If you realize you've wandered back into hell and can't remember where you left off, start over. Don't be frustrated at yourself for forgetting, it's part of the exercise and not a failure. You will forget and start over several times.

Each time you start over, you're manually redirecting your brain like trying to throw the brakes on a steam engine. Keep trying.

Yeah, it's like, if you simply ignore all the abuse and neglect and don't hold me accountable to my choice of toxic behaviors, we could all get along bc we're "family". Utter nonsense that keeps perpetuating cycles of multi-generational trauma. Fuck. That. Noise.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season with your chosen family.

Also, since I am talking about sex, if you struggle with enjoying it, please read "Come as Your Are." I am giving it to every woman in my life.

Summary

>For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently - and far less seriously - than its male counterpart.

>That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual well-being; they are central to it - and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible.

Wow, you've been through a lot. =(

You know, I came across this book at the library once: https://www.amazon.com/Where-Am-Now-Girlhood-Accidental/dp/0143128221

I only read a few pages, but I remember her saying that being a child star was "like having 150 million parents who don't actually love you." Perhaps that book would resonate with you.

>You can only put up a front of fake perfection for so long before the ugly side of humanity that we all carry comes spilling out.

Fake perfection is toxic in all sorts of contexts. =(

Of course! It’s called Mindful Self Compassion. The book is by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. It’s not too long. And it walks you through exercises to help you create practices. But really what I liked is it uses your own words to help you through this feeling. And it’s more like a peer to peer vs someone commanding down.

Hope it helps you too! Here’s a link

The Mindful Self-Compassion... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Though I honestly can't recollect or source precisely when or where I first began using the term, one place to get a rough gestalt of the organizing ideas I'm meaning to reference might be this book: Loss of the Assumptive World: A Theory of Traumatic Loss.

It is a series of excellent essays generally directed toward an audience of clinicians (of which I am not). As the blurb says: "The assumptive world concept is a psychological principle of the conservation of human reality or "culture" - it is a lens for seeing the psychological disturbances that occur in times of change."

As the first Amazon review for the book notes, the essay blending the Assumptive World theory with Ernest Becker's work is particularly insightful and useful. Becker's book, The Denial of Death is of course an absolute masterpiece and I think woefully under-appreciated today. His ideas about the ways in which our participation in social, cultural realities effectively function for anxiety management provide a great conceptual basis for understanding too what happens when those assumed mechanism are shattered.

The book about the ACE research is fascinating and well worth the read.

https://www.amazon.com/Childhood-Disrupted-Biography-Becomes-Biology/dp/1476748365/

​

There's actually a lot of books about the ACE research but this is the one that I read.

Yes, hallucinogenics and MDMA have a really interesting healing potential, but be careful. Aya is one of the most potent hallucinogenics and even people who are relatively stable can have a violently negative experience.

If you want to look into the topic, you might want to start with microdosing shrooms and LSD, and trying MDMA together with a good friend or trusted person - you might also take turns in taking it, you on one day, the other person the second day.

Those two are much more gentle than a full-blown Aya experience, and if it's a bad experience, it won't make you go crazy. I've microdosed about 20 times and 2 of those were a negative experience - however, because it's only a microdosis, it was not beyond the negative kind of experience I have in my everyday life. The positive ones, however, gently opened a crack here and there that made my life brighter.

You might also have a look at things like theta drumming or shamanic drumming. Those are also mildly psychedelic.

Also, you might have a look at Propranolol. It's a beta blocker that lowers the adrenaline response and I've had good success with combining it with microdosing shrooms.

Have a look at this drumming generator: https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/polyrhythmBeatGenerator.php?c=0&l=4900650000000051000000

Also, if therapy where you live doesn't work at the moment, consider internet counseling? :)

I'm struggling with this as well, OP. The frequent dissociation episodes I had after an acute trauma disappated after a while.

But this feeling you're describing... it's like chronic dissociation. It's becoming more intense as I get older. Maybe because I've done more work on deconstructing my long term, complex trauma I'm more aware of the feeling? I don't know, but it sucks.

Mindfulness exercises are helping. Meditation, breath work, walks / being outdoors, journaling, and checking in with myself emotionally throughout the day are all activities that help me stay present. I'm trying to make them daily habits. And I'm trying to identify those activities that make it easy for me to slip into autopilot mode, like endless scrolling (aka Reddit), isolation, lack of routine. That is still a work in progress.

Unsolicited recommendation, but if you don't already have a meditation practice, I had great success with the Atom meditation app. I tried a slew of apps and even had in person therapy meditation sessions and none of those stuck. I think the incremental structure of Atom was the key. 21 days with the app back in January... And I'm still meditating (almost) daily.

Sorry for the novella. Thank you for sharing--I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You are not alone in feeling this way.

I got mine on Amazon. It was a bit pricy, but I think you could go cheaper and be fine. Here’s the link to the one I got. I went with 25 pounds because I’m large, but there are guides for appropriate weights based on body size/weight.

"Attached" is great (by Levine and Heller). It's easy to understand and explains things clearly. Really interesting stuff.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_ZT2N77MCS7AVEPG6P69Z?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

This is about being married, but also talks extensively about how churches can support and defend abusers both among the congregation and within its power structures. I got a lot out of it.

“Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse” Natalie Hoffman

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1732894302/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_t1_3uBbGb3408ZSS

I just want to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. I can relate..I had my childhood cat from age 9 to 29. She was my witness to a lot of the abuse that I went through, and the only one who truly was able to see and understand how I felt. She also walked with me through a significant part of my recovery.

I think that acknowledging your cat as an important attachment figure might be helpful, because it really makes sense of the loss (even though society can sometimes downplay our bonds with animals). I don't generally draw, but I ordered a cheap art book for grief that was recommended to me: https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-Very-Special-Dies/dp/0962050202 Completing this book bits and pieces at a time was incredibly helpful, as well as discussing and processing it with my EMDR therapist. I can now be grateful that Scamp was a part of my life for so long, and in such an important way. I'm not destroyed by sadness when I feel it.

Sending you thoughts of comfort and healing💜

I totally feel you on this. I used to beat myself up about it alot, but one thing that really helped was starting to practice Learned Optimism (which is like CBT with a kick) - it helped me build my self-esteem and also to continue to try and practice being openhearted and not shutting down in defence. A lot of my disconnection personally came from such shitty self-esteem that made it impossible to connect to anyone or to maintain connections. It's still hard but this made it a lot easier. Also, aside from that, finding GOOD people who mirror and can be kind and understanding, also hard to find and you can really think it's 'you' when such people aren't in your life. Sometimes it is them, we just don't connect with everyone - CPTSD or no CPTSD. That said, there are few people who I really enjoy enough and trust enough to have friendships with, as it can be alot of effort.

Have an absolutely free PDF.

This one’s been really helpful for a lot of people

The question is why continue asserting boundaries with people who don't respect them?

This book may be helpful. Don't be put off by the title (all due respect to anyone diagnosed with BPD/NPD). Full disclosure, I have BPD, NPD traits, and found this book excellent.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI

First off I wanna say how proud you should be in working to r/HealfromYourPast

Have you read <em>Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving</em> by Pete Walker?

What I love about his book is that he comes at it from many angles and definitely provides a myriad of techniques to help you regulate and manage. He has a whole section on emotional neglect

Additionally here are some more resources . Check out my Emotional Resources

I wrote this but I don't wanna put a wall of text here. I hope they help you.

I suffer from Learned Helplessness. As per definition: Learned helplessness occurs when an individual continuously faces a negative, uncontrollable situation and stops trying to change their circumstances, even when they have the ability to do so.

I also continuosly abuse by my parents, teacher and fake friends.

I totally give up. I don't even try for out the situation that makes me worse. I have no idea what to do. I am not trying to out of this place.

Now I'm 21 male. I'm far better from my previous toxic life. I played video game when I have flashbacks.

There are several video games. Choose those games where you found levels. I recommend try Cut the Rope

Reference https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/learned-helplessness

I have tried a few of the best light boxes. My favorite is one I got on Amazon, though it's rather expensive. But totally worth it for me. Bright Light Therapy Box - Alaska Northern Lights - North Star 10,000 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003OWJCIM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_ggaaCb96NG3VJ

Sorry I'm on mobile so I hope the link works. If not, the name of the product is right there. Unlike other cheaper lights, you can sit two feet away from it and get benefits. With other ones you have to get close, like 6-12 inches away.

This was kind of my situation too. I didn't have full blown CPTSD until after my marriage. Basically it's most books that discuss domestic violence trauma focus mostly on the DV part and not the trauma issues. I know of one book that is trauma specific: Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence. It refers to PTSD because it's from before CPTSD was used to denote between the types of trauma, but that's just an academic thing. It is however very DV focused so it doesn't really have much on the general PTSD/CPTSD symptoms. Still I quite liked it and learned a lot from it. The exercises on self-blame (the "should have known") and guilt in particular were very interesting. It also has a chapter on how to spot and avoid abusers in the future.

But I just want to add my voice to the "don't be so quick to assume your childhood didn''t have anything to with this." I went to a trauma therapist after my marriage and after about three months she told me we needed to look at my parents. In her words: Abusers always have early behaviors that warn most people away from them. At some point in our past, we learned those behaviors were normal and even healthy. 99.8% of the time, we learned it from our parents. I spent 6 years in trauma therapy. 1 year working on my ex and 5 working on my mother.

here's the link :)

Yeah, you sound exactly like me. The longer you stay, the harder it gets. You're confused because of the mind games, you can't believe that this person that can be so incredibly sweet can also be so manipulative and hurtful. It's hard to accept that they aren't all they can be. Your brain can't hold these two ideas because they are so vastly different. That creates the cognitive dissonance. Financially, my ex was very poor growing up, but wouldn't really talk about it unless he was using it to manipulate me into believing that what he was doing was normal and I was the one that was fucked up. He'd use it and the rest of his childhood as a scapegoat while also making me feel like I was worth much less than him, and I should be grateful to be with him. It's okay, and once you're healthy, which you will be, you'll look back on this as what it was, abuse. You're strong for telling your story. I appreciate the chance to potentially help you. You deserve it and it will be okay!

I’ve been there. Been there a lot. What helps me is to focus on what I can improve and to set realistic expectations about my recovery in my current position. I’ll be honest, I still get suicidal thoughts, there are days that are rough. But there are more and more good days. There is more and more healing.

Here’s my question to you, do you think it will be possible for you to heal? Do you think it is possible for your life to be better and for your to find joy and happiness?

5 years ago, I was ready to take my own life. It is only the belief in possibility that pulled from the edge. Other people are not me, I am me. My recovery path is my own and what I make of it. There are many fellow travelers on my path, but it is still my own journey and I believe in the possibility to heal. Practice patience persistence, progress not perfection.

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/26659/26659-h/26659-h.htm#P32

USPS if you're American? I don't know how viable that is these days though.

Trucking might be an option, but I don't know how the lifestyle fares with CPTSD in mind.

For longer term viability, you could try web programming? I only bring it up because there are free resources like The Odin Project.

For me, the other reasons I struggle with intimacy are things like not feeling deserving, being scared to be vulnerable, or transferring my abusers onto my (very non-abusive) spouse. If you're grasping for any kind of starting place, I would start with something broad. This book was my starting point to all of this, and certainly addressed many of the problems that caused my troubles with intimacy.

I'm sorry I do not live in Serbia.

This probably isn't the best suggestion (sorry) but if you need to talk to someone and can't find a doctor out there in the meantime, you could try https://www.7cups.com/

It's an online therapy site where people sign up to be listeners, and people sign up to talk. The listeners vary from just regular people to people with actual training in certain areas.

It won't replace a doctor, but it could be a start for you to talk with someone in private and have them give you some space to get it out. I hope you're able to find some help for yourself!

I use noise-cancelling headphones while I'm at my office job - sensory overload is definitely in my top 3 biggest daily issues.

I like playing &quot;rain noise&quot; white-noise generators through them - I'm pretty big on rainy days so I've found it fairly calming and not too distracting, at least compared to playing music.

Lastly, some of the grounding tips from the sub wiki/sidebar might be useful - I've found a lot of them are good grounding tools for a lot of situations, from dissociation to sensory overload to emotional flashbacks.

Take a look at https://youtube-dl.org/. That's a program that will download just about any embedded video. You could also try asking /r/datahoarder or /r/archiveteam for help backing up your sisters old content.

DSM is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Currently, cPTSD is not listed in the book and therefore unrecognized. However, it shouldn't stop you from getting any help...

I posted the question on Quora too and there's someone who's pushing really hard for it's inclusion in the next publication. https://www.quora.com/Could-you-give-me-feedback-on-a-document-about-Complex-PTSD

Yes. But in my area the singles groups on Meetup.com seem to be a magnet for fellow social misfits. I'm 51 and just married a fellow misfit (also has some cptsd) that I met a "singles bar trivia" meetup last year. The singles meetups tend to structured which makes it sooooo much easier for people like us who tend to have severe social anxiety as the number on cptsd symptom. Hopefully it's a resource in your area too.

You just need to find your fellow cptsd misfits on campus. Most of them probably don't know they have cptsd, but they are there hanging out in the clubs for nerds (i.e. service and academic fraternities). Another hidden gem is Meetup.com. Because the social settings are usually structured, it's also a "misfit" magnet. I met my wife there at a "singles trivia" meetup.

That's some good advice.

But I meant more specific tips on how to learn to identify abusive behavior when you see it, instead of just seeing it as normal because we grew up with it, or because it's just barely socially acceptable.

I've read In Sheep's Clothing by George K. Simon, and When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith, and other books which were good to increase my vocabulary about this stuff. I'm looking for more resources that name specific behaviors and describe why they are toxic.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Your mother seems horrible and a kid should not be in a situation were she witnesses abuse towards you and it is something very wrong when she is obsessed and worried about adults. It is never a kids job to feel responsible for grown ups. This might be a sign of covert incest: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covert-incest

You will need to remove her from your abusive family, but I do not know how to best do this.

If you can afford therapy that would probably be the most effective. There are also a lot of good books on parenting from a scientific perspective that will tell you how a kids brain and emotiobal systems develop. This was one of my favourites: https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing/dp/0553386697

It might be better ones for older kids though. Make sure you pick books written by someone with a relevant degree. There are also a lot of misinformation out there as anyone can call themselves an expert on rasing kids.

I've struggled with strong emotions, too. For me, I had to stop using the framework of "control". I tried to tell myself that my anxiety was unreasonable, that I had no reason to be afraid, and so on. You can kind of stuff those emotions in a box, and pretend for a while, but they're not really controlled.

For some added difficulty, as men, were taught that anger is the only acceptable negative emotion. We don't get to feel grief, we're supposed to get mad.

Anger can be useful. It feels powerful, and that's a balm of sorts when you're powerless. It's a defense mechanism. Like an abused child might feel. Better to be angry than to really feel the betrayal, the violation, the grief.

It sounds a little goofy, but the only peace I've found is by re-engaging with that part of me that's still that injured child. The 6 year old version of me who was happy and in love with the world. It took a while to buy into the idea, a good therapist to help me through some tough spots, and this book as an inspiration https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0757319149/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_B9VHWP66MFNKXQPZJ5T3?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

My dms are open if you'd like to talk. I'm still working on my healing, too. It's a long road.

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703

I'm just gonna leave this right here.

But seriously, this book has really helped me and it sounds like you may benefit too.

Also, have you heard of borderline personality?

Just don't compare the specifics of your story to the stories told in the book. That's not the point. Look for the similarities. The repercussions on our systems after experiencing trauma, whatever that trauma might be.

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

I know it feels like you're a terrible daughter, but in reality, you're not terrible for wanting to be treated with kindness, love, and respect. Your mother is an adult who is responsible for her feelings and shouldn't be taking it out on you. You're not responsible for any of her trauma either. You can't fix her, because she's responsible for her healing journey. It's unfair to expect yourself to do all the work to repair the relationship if she's not putting any effort into it. You deserve more than that. A book that I found helpful is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents.

I'm so sorry you've been struggling. That sounds exhausting and infuriating.

I've never tried CBT but I can tell you from my experience Internal Family Systems is very trauma friendly and has models that work incredibly well for me and is something I can practice with my therapist or at home safely.

This book in Audio has amazing meditations that are really helpful for me.

https://www.amazon.com/Greater-Than-Sum-Our-Parts/dp/1683640616 Greater Than the Sum of Our Parts: Discovering Your ... - Amazon.com

Most safes also have a key in case of emergency too. I have this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CSMV7BE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_DNyQFbC5MQKPD?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

I've had it for about 7 years now and I think the batteries died one time. Never had an issue with the lock sticking, and its only 4 digits for the code. I highly recommend it as its small and portable too.

Imi Lo also has a book that I highly recommend! I relate so much to your post and her book speaks directly to what you've brought up here.

I’m reading it on Kindle- but here’s the Amazon link to it! I can only read so much at time without triggering myself... :/

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_XzB-AbR5R6QFE

Every few months there’s a thread on the r/aspergers sub or another ASD sub about showering with sensory difficulties. You might want to search those for tips.

For me, the most important factor is a good showerhead. It can’t be clogged or be one of those water saving needle spray showerheads or I get completely overwhelmed. It also can’t be too high up on the wall. I find the easiest thing is to have a bar that the showerhead mounts on that slides up and down, so my taller husband can still wash his hair but I can have the showerhead just where I need it. Do you rent or own your home? If you own, I recommend one like this. If you rent, maybe something like this.

Having a high quality water softener system with potassium also makes a huge difference. My skin doesn’t get itchy and irritated the way it does with hard water. You can rent a system and they will install it for free and also remove it for free when you move. This won’t work if you live in an apartment.

I don’t have anything brightly colored in my shower. Everything is pretty neutral looking. White towels, white/grey tile, no flash bright shampoo bottles, etc.

I reduce sensory input by using only unscented products, as well. This is mostly because I’m allergic to most fragrance and essential oil, and it gives me a rash, but it’s also because I like a peaceful shower experience.

Yes. Not having words for emotions or not being able to feel what you're feeling (if that makes sense) is called Alexithymia.

Being "numbed out" is one form of disassociation and feeling "detached" sounds a lot like depersonalization.

Putting a name to the ways you've adapted to protect yourself and persevere in the midst of a chronically traumatic environment entirely understandably has made you question much of your reality around your sense of self.

I cannot recommend the book The Body Keeps The Score By Bessel Van Der Kolk on understanding how your trauma has impacted your neurological and physiological state, and how you can regain control, process your experiences, and discover a much deeper understanding and experience of who you are.

I highly recommend DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skills, and you can find a lot of information on them if you google it. There’s an official workbook you can get on Amazon here. It’s worth it if you have the money, but there are also lots of good free resources out there.

I’ve found Pete Walker’s book very helpful in understanding what’s going on with me and how to feel more peaceful about it. It’s relatively cheap on Amazon.

Wrote a big old list coz I couldn't stop haha!

1. Almond butter!!!
2. Learned Optimism/DBT - finding wonderful therapies that work and that I can apply myself.
3. My lovely, supportive, funny, wonderful best friend.
4. New friends.
5. Feeling happier and more confident.
6. Good comedy.
7. A cheap TV subscription service.
8. Meditation.
9. Realising my worth in dating/and tendency to relationship hop for the chemical rush that means I don't always get with people worth my time or who can make me happy.
10. Going away for Christmas.
11. Dance class.
12. Travelling to Asia soon.
13. Sent some money from my nan.
14. Comfy bed.
15. How happy the lovely homeless guy was when I gave him some change.
16. Inexpensive food shop.
17. Finding the last bottle of foundation in the shop.
18. Waking up when I want.
19. Working freelance and parttime and being able to do what I want.
20. Going out for a nice meal.
21. Quiet, peaceful, clean home!

Try Healing Trauma by Peter Levine, I think it's called - it's a guidebook to SE. Also try therapeutic writing, where you just write down all your thoughts and feelings for 20 minutes. I also use self-applied Learned Optimism from the book by the same name - it's super helpful. And pushing myself to socialise.

Try reading "Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Mindfulness has been shown to be a great tool to help live in the present. It also rewires your brain. DBT therapy works for emotional regulation.

Nope, wrong coast. But Meetup.com has psychedelic/entheogen peer support and info groups that I suggest joining. They are often run by PAP guides, and can be a great place to network to find what you need.

I first downloaded Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Then I purchased the book on Amazon. Then I continued reading from the download on my phone. Books seem inconvenient in comparison to reading on my phone.

Multiple times I asked myself do I feel any better reading the book than the download, or reading the download after I purchased the actual book. As far as I can tell, I don't. I don't seem to feel that piracy is wrong and comparisons of piracy to theft seem ridiculous enough to be crazy.

I wonder if that means I'm dissociating some feelings in some way, or if that's simply how I feel. BTW there's a subreddit for those "who believe copyrights, patents, trademarks, and other legal privileges in patterns are against their interests and against the interests of most people.": /r/noip

Avoid https://the-eye.eu/public/

good tactic, i usually do that when i am in a flashback, just popping a favorite show or youtube animation for the sake of aura

you might wanna check this one, you can customize the noise as you wish with sliders, pretty cool imo

https://mynoise.net/

Free Online PDF of Pete Walker's "C-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving"

http://the-eye.eu/public/Psychedelics/Psychedelic%20Praxis%20Library%203.0/Collections%20by%20Subject/Neurodiversity%20%26%20Traumacentric%20Therapy/PTSD%20%26%20Dissociation/2013%20-%20Pete%20Walker%20-%20Complex%20PTSD%20-%20From%20Surviving%20t...

I once heard renowned traumatologist, John Briere, quip that if Cptsd were ever given its due, the DSM [The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders] used by all mental health professionals would shrink from its dictionary like size to the size of a thin pamphlet. In other words, the role of traumatized childhoods in most adult psychological disorders is enormous.

• Pete Walker, Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving

Here's a link to the PDF. You could find a relevant section and read/send it to her, and ask her thoughts.

Here's a link to the PDF.

http://the-eye.eu/public/Psychedelics/Psychedelic%20Praxis%20Library%203.0/Collections%20by%20Subject/Neurodiversity%20%26%20Traumacentric%20Therapy/PTSD%20%26%20Dissociation/2013%20-%20Pete%20Walker%20-%20Complex%20PTSD%20-%20From%20Surviving%20t...

Here's another one... This is super super wordy if you actually read it, but it's basically saying that positive change and growth after trauma is not correlated to your race, age, or gender, but is correlated to the way you think about the trauma and mentally respond to it.

https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Positive-Change-Following-Trauma-and-Adversity%3A-A-Linley-Joseph/bf3d0c6f34f2dd266406625b4bc6ddbb483be513

Yeah, I was hoping it would be as hopeful for you as it was for OP, 'cause I could see throughout your comments that you were circling around and around this philosophy without being able to pin down a name on it. 😅

Did you grab a copy of the worksheet I linked to? It cuts straight through to the heart of it and explains the whole thing in two paragraphs of infographic. 😂

>So, I'm wondering, is it normal that disregarding my desire and/or gut feeling to not spend time with her and spending time with her drains me of love, and turns me toward hate and anger?

Yes, that seems very normal for someone with CPTSD.

>Am I a bad person or am I making a bad choice here in spending time with her?

No, of course you're not a bad person, but you may not be acting in your own self-interest. That just means you're on the right subreddit.

The way you describe your interactions with her seem to imply that she's still abusive. (Trigger warning: All): This section of It Wasn't Your Fault goes into all forms of abuse; focus on the forms of emotional abuse, specifically the section that starts with "Subtle forms", and see if that rings any bells.

Being around an abusive person will make you feel bad. That's all there is to it. The harder question is why you want to be around her anyway, but again, that's very common among CPTSD sufferers. As you learn more about yourself and your trauma, that behavior will be explained and will subsequently disappear. I assume that since you have access to medication that you have a therapist; this is something he or she can help you with.

habitica.com is a nice habit/goal app which I've found very useful for setting goals without the guilt. I personally love the habit feature, where you get rewarded for doing the thing, but there's no requirement for you to do it on a regular schedule.

daily practice of this https://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Therapies-Kundalini-Meditation-Handbook-ebook/dp/B00H4SVSNO

and this (just the exercises I didn't read the book) https://www.amazon.com/Open-Focus-Brain-Harnessing-Power-Attention-ebook/dp/B00AITRK24/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&amp;keywords=open+focus&amp;qid=1628989532&amp;s=digital-text&amp;sr=1-2

May I please, please ask you to read this book: https://www.amazon.de/Anxiety-Using-Depth-Psychology-Balance/dp/3866492189#:~:text=Anxiety%20%2D%20originally%20published%20as%20Grundformen,her%20own%20anxieties%20and%20onesidedness.
?
The first chapter basically describes your issue and makes you see, you are not alone at all with it. It is a very common defense mechanism. It will be eye opening for you!!

I’m so sorry to hear this. My therapist recommended this book to me: The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061686077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_7JH5A0ZDR6WNYGPESKWA

Are you in contact?

This book I read gave a neurological explanation for procrastination. They stuck someone in a fancy brain scanner gizmo and gave them a task that would trigger their procrastination. What they saw was that the anticipated discomfort you mentioned lit up the actual pain centers in the brain. They also saw, however, that this brain activity stopped when the person actually started the task. Based on this, their advice was "start by just doing a little." But in your case, it sounds like the pain response continues while doing the task. Emotional flashback?

If their model is correct, then maybe your problem isn't actually "procrastination," but you're getting the same end result of avoidance and dissociation. If so then tactics for dealing with procrastination aren't going to help as much as expected- and obviously you've tried quite hard!

You can read the first 2 chapters of the book on amazon for free which gives a great overview of it: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy-ebook/dp/B00452V8EG/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1625217470&amp;sr=8-3&amp;asin=B00452V8EG&amp;revisionId=f9eda5f2&amp;format=1&amp;depth=1 (just scroll down and start reading from chapter 1)

i know this toothpaste is very expensive, but you could give it a try

it reduces sensitivity a lot for me

it may not help you much, but you could give it a try

pretty sure i have cavities and i am too poor and too scared to go to dentist right now

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0016GCZSC/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1

There’s two parts here... healing and relationships. You’ve not had healthy relationships modelled to you. In fact, you’ve needed defences around people to stay safe. Now, you attempt a new relationship. Your body is wired to protect you against things it needed to before. The process to stop is therapy.

You might gain a lot of insight in The Body Keeps The Score - I found it was really helpful. I wish there was an easy answer!

Ya definitely common with this Disorder, I actually was diagnosed w/ narcolepsy (full on electrodes on the scalp sleep study) due to the level of fatigue measured, before I was diagnosed CPTSD. Its crazy because most advice out there is usually about how to LOWER cortisol and I guess we need much more specific advice since our cortisol could be actually too low.

Glad the mindfulness stuff helped! There’s also a concept and book w the same title called ‘Flow’, meaning that ‘flow state’ where we are engaged and lose track of time like that. Its pretty technical but has some great advice for how to get into that mind-state.

https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

Cool, yeah the article is really helpful.

I mentioned a book in that post too: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Fragmented-Selves-Trauma-Survivors/dp/0415708230/

That goes into much more detail about structural dissociation, how we are these fragmented selves and not a whole individual. If you're looking to understand the where these things come from and techniques for how to deal with it, it's a great read and pretty accessible.

you could start seeing an online therapist right away if you have health insurance. If you suspect trauma, make sure that you look for a therapist who specializes in trauma. If you don't have health insurance, look for a local ACA group (they all meet online now and they are donations based) or a low cost trauma/therapy clinic (usually for new therapists in training). you can also check out the FAQ and Pete Walker's book for more info. good luck!

ContraPoints just released a great video (it's long and worth it, imo) on the JKRowling thing that really touched on what you mention. In it, she mentions the book: Conflict is not Abuse, which I plan on reading. These abusers, enablers, and bullies, are deliberately conflating conflict with abuse. Entirely projecting their abusive nature onto everyone else. Like yeah, you're getting backlash (and I will grant them that I am sure some of it is actually abusive). However, their ideology is based on hating, controlling, exploiting, and manipulating other humans. And I, for one, am fucking sick of it. They create plausible deniability in order to continue abusing with impunity and use DARVO (Deny the abuse, Accuse the victim of being abusive, thereby Reversing the Victim and Offender), classic narcissistic behavior as a cover-up. I watched that video and saw all of my spawn point's insecurity and hate disguised as "concern" pop right out at me. So clear.

I still can't believe in fucking 2021 we have to argue to "allow" humans to be authentically fucking human. We are all the same species, what the actual fuck. It's not okay to discriminate. It is okay to be intolerant of the intolerant. (Yay, ambivalence!)

ContraPoints just released a great video (it's long and worth it, imo) on the JKRowling thing that really touched on what you mention. In it she mentions the book Conflict is not Abuse, which I plan on reading. These abusers, enablers, and bullies, are deliberately conflating conflict with abuse. Entirely projecting their abusive nature onto everyone else. Like yeah, you're getting backlash (and I will grant them that I am sure some of it is actually abusive). However, their ideology is based on hating, controlling, exploiting, and manipulating other humans. And I, for one, am fucking sick of it. They create plausible deniability in order to continue abusing with impunity and use DARVO (Deny the abuse, Accuse the victim of being abusive, thereby Reversing the Victim and Offender), classic narcissistic behavior as a cover-up. I watched that video and saw all of my spawn point's insecurity and hate disguised as concern pop right out at me. So clear.

I still can't believe in fucking 2021 we have to argue to "allow" humans to be authentically fucking human. We are all the same species, what the actual fuck. It's not okay to discriminate. It is okay to be intolerant of the intolerant. (Yay, ambivalence!)

Those of us who got into neuropsychiatrist Iain McGilchrist's 2012 book, The Master and His Emissary, after being exposed to Bruce McEwen's "allostatic loading" in his 2002 book, The End of Stress as We Know It, started connecting the dots and jumping on this bandwagon before we were halfway done with it.

I don't recall Teicher lecturing at any of the Evolution of Psychotherapy conferences (though he certainly may have done so), but the dot-connecting from allostatic loading to various intra- and inter-hemispheric damage was on by 2015 for sure.

Some of us started making noises about the use of non-steroidal anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen and naproxyn (brand-named Advil and Aleve in the US) to see what they would do for people with extreme anxiety. Not surprisingly -- based on McEwen's & Teicher's work -- they produced a measure of symptom reduction 20 to 25% of the time anecdotally. And over the last two years we're starting to see formal efficacy research on that.

This is an excellent book that deals with the topic that got me interested in learning more about it. Maybe it can help you.

https://www.amazon.com/Widen-Window-Training-Thrive-Recover/dp/0735216592

oof i can’t say i relate but i can imagine how frustrating that is for you. it sounds related to that trauma response where people replay abuse through relationships that have a similar dynamic which i’m definitely guilt of too.

i have this book called healing sex. i think it may be hetero focused but maybe still helpful to you even if that’s not you. author is a csa survivor.

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Sex-Mind-Body-Approach-Sexual/dp/1573442933

You said it well in your post, but yes, it's true. Finding the right words for these types of feelings and progressions is improssible because it's all so intangible.

If you are in the process of this type of work, I recommend the 'Your Brightest Life Journal' a lot to people who are open to interactive workbooks. It's self-help in the style of a journal, but digs down into the core of who you are as a person, which many people with trauma backgrounds never got a chance to fully develop. So, the simple exercises in that book are HUGE for people like us because we often have zero tools for how to get in touch with our childhood brain and ask it, "Hey, what did you want for yourself?" The book helps with stuff like that.

Here is a national care crisis number. 1-800-273-8255 Please call. They are very nice and have special training. We all want you to stay here. . Also call your therapist (glad to hear you have them) and set up an appointment soon. Hugs.

........ If you want to do a workbook, the best one I know is for ACT, which is pretty similar to DBT. My library has it but it's also on Amazon:.

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572244259/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2B1VCbQPY3CPT

Oh hey Peter Walker! For those that don't know this is a direct quote from CPTSD: Surviving to Thriving. If you'd like to learn more about freeze types and other symptoms, situations, and obstacles facing people with CPTSD I cannot recommend the book enough.

Link to amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842

I am looking for the free version I found but here is the same one on Amazon. If I find the free WB, I will come back and post it.

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

I've been working on this because I have this problem too.

Apparently emotions live in the body, who knew! Somatic therapy has helped me a bit with that, as well was mindfully watching myself during meditation. I got this book to help: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1683731352?pf_rd_r=MGP7WR53ZDJCPK5PH9H3&amp;pf_rd_p=6fc81c8c-2a38-41c6-a68a-f78c79e7253f

I hope you find the care you need. Another book that I recently read that helped me feel seen is "But it's your family by Sherrie Campbell, PhD. I cried tears of relief and joy at one point. I also follow her on social media, she gets it bc she lived it. I'm so glad she is speaking out and helping other survivors.

Yup. I was raised in a very strict Jehovah's Witness family. :( Highly recommend the book Leaving the Fold. It's about evangelical Christianity but is relevant to any authoritarian religion. https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

My parents weren’t restrictive with any media growing up, so I came to love horror and other scary movies and shows, even as a very sensitive child. I watch a lot of true crime; my husband was going through my iTunes and said someone would probably think I’m sinister because 90% is true crime shows/documentaries. I also own several bookcases of true crime/crime analysis books, too; I’ve read many of them.

Some content I really can’t watch, but most of the time I just take meds because I want to watch. Even though I can’t watch specific types of crimes on those shows usually, I do think I watch things that have intense content that I know can trigger me. Maybe I also need to feel those emotions since I try hard to just bury them with meds.

I can strangely sleep quite well to the (original) narrator on Snapped, and I own all available seasons on iTunes.

I did recently watch a movie that I wish so much I could take back though. I took medication and was prepared, but I can’t get it out of my head - but maybe that’s why I watched it? I made the excuse that it has an actress I like in it, even though the lead was someone I don’t much care for, but really I knew beforehand that it would have seriously disturbing content and still watched it. Even here I often click sub links I know I don’t want to see, but I can’t help myself; it can be disgusting or deeply disturbing or both, but I click, see, and regret, but then do it again.

So maybe I do watch on purpose?? I’m watching a true crime show now; Signs of a Psychopath. I’m also reading a book: Violent Attachments https://www.amazon.com/dp/0765700611/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_WmUtFbHM3RC8E

Fair, but those of us with this condition have a tendency to sell ourselves short and have a very narrow view of our capabilities re: the future (depending on where your trauma lies and how it originated). It isn't that your point isn't valid. It is, and it's a good one. Actual skills are needed to persue any vocation, obviously. But I'd be willing to bet that we all undervalue a set of skills we all have, and have underutilized and have been under-cultivated by those around us.

Basically, you probably have skills you don't even realize you have, and this illness keeps you in the dark about it. It takes so much work for us to see ourselves as valuable human beings, and that's just one reason why work (traditional or otherwise) and education can be so challenging for us. We try our hardest, and still come out the other side thinking (and often being told directly) that we're bad at everything. But seriously, we're not. We're often extraordinarily good at lots of things because we're so conscious of everything we do.

Go back to your core values and loves. These will show your skills. A book I recommend to people, potentially trying to dig down to their "true" self, is Your Brightest Life. It's a simple journal that does a surprisingly efficient job at getting to the root of your wants/needs/passions and reminding you what you're really good at.

I cannot recommend the book "The Body Keeps The Score" By Bessel Van Der Kolk enough