No I don't think you're overreacting. It's reasonable to expect a certain amount of privacy.
I'm guessing that she thinks you're underwear is getting mixed up in the laundry?
They make laundry bags specifically for delegates. So you put the whole bag in the washing machine that way it can't get mixed up with other stuff.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B017NEYOQQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_n0f-FbFJXPZF9?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Yeah, but now he is being evicted (maybe). Now you get a car and he doesn't. The stakes are higher now. Consider a dorm-type lockbox that has a cable you can attach to something solid. Something like this.
Yeah, the tampon box has worked, but people who are suddenly facing the consequences of their actions can do stupid and desperate things.
Here is a similar thing to what I got my son. Look around, read reviews and when you get one make friends with it so you're not trying to figure it out when you need the video right now! Get a card reader that plugs into your phone. Things can happen at the handover of the child and being able to pull video right there for the police is critical. Also consider a dash camera, get there after him and park so your camera will see anything that goes amiss.
The dash cam I think is legal everywhere but the pen may or may not be. Ask your lawyer. Also don't let him bait you. You want all texts, emails and video you bring to court to make you look good and make him look bad. Don't swear, control what you say. You absolutely CANNOT have enough ammunition for the fight you're going into.
If you use pot recreationally, legally or not, stop now. You need to be squeaky clean as of last week! Get through this, don't give him anything he can use, let him load your gun for you. Figuratively speaking!
What else. My son had a metal band phone background that caused the judge to dislike him which was clearly visible when he presented the text messages. Little stuff, just make yourself super presentable. It helps you're the mother. Most courts still favor the mother even though that's changing a bit.
Amusing thought... you might want to get one of those pocket laugh track things.
She opens her mouth, hit the button... the "Blah blah blah" one might be useful too.
Those are products that really need video...or even audio..
And if she’s up for something different I highly recommend the game of thrones cookbook, A A Feast of Ice and Fire , There is a blog too , so you don’t need to invest. I love the cookbook and trying out the medieval recipes vs the modern versions. It’s fun and gives perspective on how food and cooking/baking has changed.
And if you pm me an amazon wishlist link I would more than happily gift it (that’s how much fun I find this book).
Also, I’m glad you made caring for yourself a priority it’s a great example for the kids. When they see you making self care a priority they will too. ❤️❤️❤️
Get yourself a pair of noise-canceling headphones and look into using the free version of Krisp
Also, if your parents are tracking what websites you visit, get a VPN. Get Betternet for your phone, and download Ultrasurf for your computer if you have one. I was in the same situation as you, once. Depression and privacy issues.
Here’s what I did:
DISCLAIMER: before you do any of this, confront her. You probably already have, but I had to say this just in case you haven’t.
Change your passwords. You’re 18 now, and she has no right to look at your private conversations. Make sure to disable fingerprint login on your phone as well. VPN up. Get an app locker for your social media. Create a false persona (for a couple years I was Weston M) and email for yourself and make new accounts using them. When your mom searches for your name, your new accounts won’t show up.
The whole “false identity” thing sounds shady, I know. But if your mom is that determined to spy on you, your attempts at privacy need to be just as, if not more determined.
I have a great book for toilet training. It is called toilet training in less than a day. It was written in the 70s I think and the language reflects that. However the method has served me very well for 2 kids.
I can send you a link if you would like.
Edit for link (sorry mobile and amazon.com): https://www.amazon.com/Toilet-Training-Less-Than-Day/dp/0671693808/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1530790058&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=toilet+training+in+less+than+a+day+book&dpPl=1&dpID=51pm2vhyXSL&ref=...
This usually happens to people who reuse passwords and have been in a breach. Check out https://haveibeenpwned.com/ to see what breaches you're in and get a password manager. Give every account a unique password no matter how unimportant you think it is.
As for the IP address, it's pointless. People can use VPNs to hide themselves and even ISPs can change an IP address often too.
Phone recording - there are a number of different apps out there, all with identical or very similar names. This is the one I've used for years, and I can vouch for it. It's one of the 2-3 apps I've ever bothered to get a paid version for, it's that good.
It saves all calls with a filename that includes full date and timestamp, and contact name (if the caller is in your contacts), or phone number if it isn't. The files are mp3, so easy to move over to a computer, and you can set the app to not record calls from certain numbers (eg spouse).
You can technically helmet them when they are learning to crawl too if you want to. But my baby hasn't really started bumping her head until she started learning to walk. She has slipped, fallen backwards and hit the floor and the helmet helps a lot. Here's the helmet we have been using: https://www.amazon.com/Thudguard-Infant-Toddler-Protective-Safety/dp/B086MQFZ67
I am so sorry that you and your family have had to go through this. She needs to be held accountable for her actions, both past and present. My book recommendation is Gaslighting: How to Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People and Break Free by Dr. Stephanie Sarkis. My mother and I both read the book and found it immensely helpful. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gaslighting-recognise-manipulative-emotionally-abusive/dp/140918787X
There is a really nice app called call recorder
It does that the title says. It could help with saving Voicemail messages. And saving them on a cloud as a back up so you won't lose it.
There are always risks, but there are fewer risks with the password manager.
The passwords in the password manager are encrypted. They cannot be decrypted without your password to the password manager. If you lose or forget that password, you're SOL.
People tend to use the same set of passwords on everything. So if one password is discovered for one site, it may also work on others.
And people suck at creating passwords. We tend to use things that are easy to remember and type. We all know that we need to use a mix of uppercase, lowercase, numbers, and punctuation, but rarely do. How long will it take to crack your password
But a manager can generate a random password for you for every account you have. When you need it, it copies the password to the clipboard and you can paste it in.
I personally don't trust the web-based password managers. Too many points of failure. The one I use (Password Safe https://pwsafe.org/) stores the passwords locally, so it's not on the web at all. Plus it's free.
We own these. Hide the magnet somewhere and she won’t be able to open it.
Child Safety Magnetic Cabinet Locks - Vmaisi 4 Pack Adhesive Baby Proofing Cabinets & Drawers Latches https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07919W2C4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_k9h-FbQDAZ0NX
I cant do much but tips either so more tips here! If you dont wanna do premixed, get a baby mixing pitcher! This thing makes it quick and easy to make a bunch. I'd make one in the morning and itd last the rest of the day.
Boppy lounge pillow was my life saver. I put the boppy on the floor on top a fluffy thick blanket. Helped me so baby would be safe/come to bathroom with me so I could pee/take quick shower without leaving baby in crib alone. (Before rolling/crawling began)
Bummer.
Do you still have anything to do with shitheel bro? I sure wouldn't.
Have you tried just joining up with people with similar interests? You could start on line, then meet up in person later on when you're more comfortable. I've done Pagan Pride Day. Chickenstocks where people buy, sell, trade their birds and other stuff. I do NaNoWriMo and the write ins associated with that.
There's a site called Meetups where there's things to do with others. You could even try Group on. They have classes where you could learn new things and maybe meet others with the same interests.
This is Boston's Meetups: https://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ma/boston/?_cookie-check=Qnd-fwG8BZvGhTL0
SIL doesn't really take COVID seriously. (She used to go to parties etc. prior to the vaccines being available.) We were quarantining the baby before the vaccines but now we are vaccinated so we have been letting some people see the baby and taking her out some.
Here's the helmet we have been using: https://www.amazon.com/Thudguard-Infant-Toddler-Protective-Safety/dp/B086MQFZ67
you can try going to a pet store and looking for something called eye wash or eye rinse. or on amazon, something like this. I used to be a dog groomer and we'd basically use this for rinse dogs eyes after baths, to get out any soap or dirt that might have gotten in there to prevent irritation. I'm not sure if it would help, but it's inexpensive so might be worth a shot.
they also sell lubricating eye drops for dogs, basically visine for dogs. it's more expensive, but if money is tight it's probably still cheaper to try that than pay for a vet visit. things like this have good reviews on amazon, but I can't personally vouch for whether or not it'd work.
and man, you gotta go what you gotta do. I haven't been in nearly as serious situations as you have, and I still come off as either weird or an asshole because of anxiety issues.
Try meetup.com. They have local groups for everything, cycling clubs, movie clubs, dog walking groups, people walking groups, "new to the area" groups, groups for shy people, groups for extraverts, brunch groups, dinner clubs, writers groups, readers groups, philisophy, wine groups... literally, if you can imagine it, meetup have a group for it.
Obviously the more metropolitan your area, the greater your choice.
Ok, there seem to be quite a few issues limiting your options.
If your mom insists on doing the laundry, how about asking her if you can have a dedicated mesh bag for just your panties?
The bag stays with/in/near the hamper, so you don’t have to keep it in your room. Whenever you would normally throw your panties in the laundry hamper, put them in the mesh bag instead. Whenever your mom is ready to do the laundry, she just throws the entire bag as if it were a single garment in to the washing machine and dryer. When laundry’s done, you take your laundry to your room with the panties still in the bag, put your panties away, and put the mesh bag back in/near the hamper. Rinse and repeat.
This way, your panties can only be in one of two places - in your room put away in your drawer, or in the mesh bag waiting to be washed or being washed. More importantly, there is no chance of them getting mixed up with your sister’s because they’ll always be separated in the bag. And this system isn’t disruptive to your mom’s laundry routine.
It's like we have the same dad.
It is unfair that we have to be the adult with our parents. But they never grew up. The best way to heal is to have distance, and likely separation.
I'm so sorry you have to endure this. But you can. You will get through this and one day your life will be better than you could have ever imagined. I am proof of that.
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Check out this book, it has helped a lot of people: https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&hvadid=77996657378121&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&keywords=children+of+emotionally+immature+parents&qid=1609893953&sr=8-1&tag=mh0b-20
thanks! It was actually a lot easier than the youtube videos made it out to be.
Now I just need to design some plans for the microwave cabinet. I saw some white ones on Amazon, but after seeing how much I like having the microwave that high up, I want to make a custom one so it can remain that high up and maybe leave the 'counter' space under the microwave for like food prep. Instead of on the side or on top of the microwave. Might be a fun project and I don't believe it'll be too hard, it's not the first time I've done custom shelf building (I tore out the closet in my room as it was one of those 2' x 12' closets with a door on one end so you couldn't get inside the closet without removing everything else first. With the wall gone, I patched it up a bit but left the stud with the closet light wiring in (I'm not an electrician!) and then made shelves in it so it has a mini-exposed closet for clothes and a built in desk. Which is where I'm typing at. )
You really should send him a sympathy card. One that just says "thinking of you" or something equally bland, so he knows that you know he is suffering. (the one in this set is perfect, that cat looks so pissed off! You could send the "sending a big smile" one too. People not in the know will think you're trying to cheer him up, not gloating over the karma)
As for your mother, I'd consider booking a few sessions with a therapist who is trained in CSA. Someone you can talk through the likely scenarios with and decide how you want to react to each possibility, and if reconciliation is something you decide you're open to, then you can discuss what conditions would have to be met for that to happen?
Alright, start taking your online security seriously.
Enable 2 factor authentication wherever allows it. It’s a tiny hassle, but worth it. For Google, that means downloading the Google Authenticator app and linking it to your account through the settings.
Change your security questions. Don’t use any information they know about you.
Block, block and block. You already know how to use Facebook privacy settings; lock down the rest of your social media account.
Also, definitely buy a chain lock for your front door ;)
They’ll have to declare the gift of equity for the amount in excess of $24,000 however they probably won’t have to pay any gift taxes on this at all since excess gifts then spill over into a lifetime maximum which is millions of dollars. So unless they plan to leave an estate worth millions they shouldn’t have to pay gift taxes. They will not have to pay a capital gains tax if they are gifting you the equity. You can use the gift of equity in lieu of cash for your downpayment. So basically they’re going about this the wrong way and it’s not actually a problem at all. They need to hire a real estate lawyer to handle the paperwork and give them guidance.
“Once you have an appraisal in hand, subtract the price you wish to sell the home for, and this is the amount of equity you'll be "gifting". So, if your home appraises for $250,000 and you'd like to sell it to your grandchild for $220,000, your gift is valued at $30,000. It's worth noting that your equity gift can be for any amount -- up to the home's full value.”
“Rather, the amount of your gift will count toward your lifetime exclusion amount, which for 2015 is $5.43 million. The IRS keeps a running tally of the gifts you give beyond the annual $14,000 limit and subtracts this from your lifetime total. If your estate is worth more than $5.43 million, you or your heirs may eventually have to pay more taxes because of the gift – but not until your total giving (or their inheritance) exceeds this amount.”
https://www.fool.com/knowledge-center/for-wiki-how-to-give-equity-as-a-gift.aspx
And yes—Hoover Dam is also pretty cool. They have a tour that takes you down to the big intake pipes and all that jazz. I won’t lie, it makes me shiver imagining somehow getting inside one of those huge things. Eep. But informative nonetheless, especially the museum. Museums are great. And, if you’re going to go out by Boulder City area, I’d recommend stopping by the Railroad Tunnels.
https://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/nevada/railroad-tunnel-trail
It’s now closed at the third tunnel due to issues, but you still get to go through the others, and honestly it’s a bit creepy, but also cool. I’ve had my pictures taken over there. Yet another random thing, but that’s another easy hike I’ve enjoyed.
All of this just makes me want to pack a lunch and go to Red Rock or something, haha. I miss it.
Do you have an Android phone? https://www.android.com/intl/en_ca/digital-wellbeing/ digital wellbeing features might help you manage those phone calls.
As for everything else.... You need to have a real conversation with your sibling. "I feel disrespected when you stomp on my boundaries." Go over the old issues you are still steaming about. Tell her she doesn't react well to criticism, and because of that people let her do things that are absolutely unacceptable simply not to deal with the fallout. You want a relationship with her, if your boundaries are respected, and you can complain to her about her actions when she does something legitimately inappropriate. But if everything is going to blow up with every issue, or make up lies to plaster over social media = you don't want a relationship. You refuse to tip toe around her eggshells.
TLDR you are justified, but you should talk to her in a brutally honest way first. Just avoiding her, doesn't deal with the problem. You have been trained by your parents to not rock the boat... you need to rock the boat before you cut her out.
https://www.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6
This shows worldwide stats. The death rate isn't high at all. Looks like less than 6% of total cases. Don't add to the misinformation.
I am so sorry you were attached and so very glad that you are OK and you have such wonderful neighbors. May I suggest treats for them?
I went back to your other post. You talked about having a landline at home. Do you have an answering machine? Not voice mail, an actual answering machine. I know that they are dinosaurs now, but back in the day when I had them on my landlines, I could push a button on them and they would record the call. It's been years since I had an actual answering machine, and they all seemed to activate the record function differently, but they all had one. You would be restricted by the amount of storage on the machine, but you could do that. If you have voicemail on the house landline (My last landline did.), you can set the machine to not answer and let voicemail calls go to the voicemail system, and just use the answering machine to record calls.
A quick Google shows this. It's expensive but will work with regular phone jacks. May be worth a try if you think you need to expand into that.
I think now would be a good time to get some home security cameras. You can get smart cameras for $30US each, they will send your phone a notification if theres movement, will upload all videos to the cloud etc. They just connect to power and then connect to your wireless internet connection. Couldn't be easier to setup!
Just a thought, might help you feel more secure. And would get evidence if anything similar happens again.
Product information: https://www.yitechnology.com/yi-1080p-home-camera
I suggest you babywear whenever she comes around. It should stop her from being able to grab your son from you.
Something like this: https://www.babylist.com/gp/babylist-solly-baby-collaboration-wrap/14559/31609
Or this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005SP2LWW?tag=hello-baby-20
1) Order or purchase one of these, immediately. Doubly so since your landlord refuses to change the locks.
2) Go to the apartment appointment. Lock your pets in an area of your current place that doesn't contain his laptop/necessities. They will be fine not having the run of the place for a few hours. If you don't like this plan, take them, and all up to date vaccination records (esp rabies) to a pet day care location. Explain your situation. Tell them you only need a few hours, and that you'll pay whatever they charge you.
3) Sue him for the damages to your car in small claims. Even if you don't have a written document, him telling you he would pay for the repairs at the end is still a verbal contract. Talk to your lawyer (the same one for Ramon[a] situation) and get his input, but IMO this case should be worth the total value of the car, not just damages, because you asked him to maintain the vehicle, and running it into the ground is not "maintaining".
4) PM me if you're in NC. We may be able to figure something out with your pets.
5) Did they already do the repairs? I'm sorry, but I wouldn't have done them. If the car won't be worth $5k when you sell it, it's a lost cause already, and you might as well just buy another cheap car for that price, if you even need it. Since the repairs are done, they will need to be paid. If you don't have the money, can you ask for a moderate payment plan? They may be willing to accommodate.
Could you get something like this so that you can be safe? https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00186URTY/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 Since you use it on the inside your parents don't have to know.
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I hope you will be OK.
Good luck in the coming storm. You're a good son and uncle.
Here is a link to a waterproof wallet cover: https://smile.amazon.com/Waterproof-Water-Tight-Wallet-Pouch/dp/B00ICMJ586/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1517352774&sr=8-8&keywords=waterproof+wallet+pouch
> I don't even know if I'm justified in my feelings.
I totally get this. This is what I try to tell myself: You don't need anyone to tell you whether or not you are justified in your feelings.
Your intuition is very good, you just need to learn to trust it fully. It sounds like your sister needs a lot of help, and you have tried helping her and she is not receptive to it. I honestly think the best thing for both you and her is to not have contact. If your instincts are telling you you shouldn't even be seeing her at family events, then don't. I mean, I do feel badly for her, as she is clearly struggling with something and is putting herself in danger, but that doesn't mean that you need to invite that danger into your life.
Unsolicited advice that you can choose to ignore: I told my husband about my past sexual assaults and emotional incest by a family member. It was one of the hardest things I've done, and I had to work up to it, but I'm glad I told him. Those past things were affecting me in ways I didn't realize, and it was putting strain on our relationship. If you are interested in reading an amazing book, I recommend The Sexual Healing Journey. I had read a lot of other books about sexual assault, self esteem, etc., and none of them ever helped me or spoke to me. This book wrote out and explained all of my feelings and actions. It was so amazing. It detailed things that I do in my life that I didn't even realize I was doing, or why. It was so validating. The book is even for people who were never actually assaulted, but have negative views on sex due to upbringing or the media. Anyways, I'm sorry if my advice is unwelcome or hurtful in some way. I just wanted to share since that book is changing my life so much for the better. I feel so lucky to have found it.
> I don't even know if I'm justified in my feelings.
I totally get this. This is what I try to tell myself: You don't need anyone to tell you whether or not you are justified in your feelings.
Your intuition is very good, you just need to learn to trust it fully. It sounds like your sister needs a lot of help, and you have tried helping her and she is not receptive to it. I honestly think the best thing for both you and her is to not have contact. If your instincts are telling you you shouldn't even be seeing her at family events, then don't. I mean, I do feel badly for her, as she is clearly struggling with something and is putting herself in danger, but that doesn't mean that you need to invite that danger into your life.
Unsolicited advice that you can choose to ignore: I told my husband about my past sexual assaults and emotional incest by a family member. It was one of the hardest things I've done, and I had to work up to it, but I'm glad I told him. Those past things were affecting me in ways I didn't realize, and it was putting strain on our relationship. If you are interested in reading an amazing book, I recommend The Sexual Healing Journey. I had read a lot of other books about sexual assault, self esteem, etc., and none of them ever helped me or spoke to me. This book wrote out and explained all of my feelings and actions. It was so amazing. It detailed things that I do in my life that I didn't even realize I was doing, or why. It was so validating. The book is even for people who were never actually assaulted, but have negative views on sex due to upbringing or the media. Anyways, I'm sorry if my advice is unwelcome or hurtful in some way. I just wanted to share since that book is changing my life so much for the better. I feel so lucky to have found it.