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I think you would find a lot of help in the belief system of the Stoics. Look into some of the books on stoicism. Ones I know off the top of my head are: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, The Art of Living by Epictetus, and A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine.

The Stoic belief system looks at everything as temporary, and hardships as an action/object to overcome. It is a way to find peace within the chaos of emotions, and realize that you are the one controlling how you feel.

Upon the same lines as you would see in the Enchiridion of Epictetus: If you lose your wife, understand that you miss her because of the companionship and the time that you shared together and the memories you built together. You must also understand that there are other humans out there that you can share these experiences with. Be thankful for the time you had together with your wife, and be thankful that there are others who you will able to share these experiences and emotions with in the future.

Any of the following would be suitable:

• 10% Happier by Dan Harris (I recommend the audiobook of this)
• Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn
• Mindfulness in Plain English by Henepola Gunaratana
  

Read 10% Happier by Dan Harris and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Envy and jealousy are products of the ego, and at best you can simply note and be aware of them, observing them but not letting those desires and emotions become you, consume you, or drive you. Use them as jumping off points to explore what you want and why you want it, rather than causing you feelings of incompetency or failure.

TL;DR: I prefer Calm, but it's up to you, they're equivalent.

I've been using Calm for almost four years now. I picked it over Headspace because I find Tamara's voice a lot more soothing than Andy's voice, which I find grating and annoying and somehow patronising. I also prefer the more muted and serene overall look of the Calm app over the modern and slightly too energetic (for my liking) look of Headspace.

I can't comment on Headspace's content at all, although I guess it'll be pretty similar these days. I personally mostly use the Daily Calm feature, which offers a different meditation each day - I have too many thoughts going through my head for me to move to a non-guided meditation, so I appreciate Tamara's voice and content. They have a tonne of content, and they have collections of relevant meditations for students, professionals, or if you want to improve your focus or manage your stress. You can also save your favourite ones, and they have a bunch of different backgrounds you can choose from that have different soundscapes (mine's a fireplace crackling, there's thunderstorms, crashing waves, etc.)

They also have a collection of bedtime stories read by different people (there's one about Scotland read in a Scottish accent and it's delightful), and they have masterclasses on topics like social media addiction, breaking bad habits and health. They also have a "breathing bubble" to help you coordinate your breathing (it's also available online).

They're probably equivalent, and I have no doubt plenty of people prefer Headspace over Calm, so I think it's more down to which one you'd rather spend money on, really!

Absolutely. I was like you, always concerned with "what if." I would then kick into high gear with reassurance seeking and checking, feel better for a bit, and then repeat the cycle, over and over again. You need to learn how to sit with uncertainty, and it's sooooo much easier said than done. This book also helped me, too, as I learned to allow the feeling of uncertainty to expand, and to observe it non-judgementally. I recommend this book for anyone who is struggling with anxiety and depression. It will get better. Be patient with yourself, and do the work.

When I started to practice mindfulness, I was advised to focus on sensations of breathing in the nostrils, according to Mindfulness in Plain English. I practiced this kind of mindfulness daily over two years.

However, last summer, I spent a week in meditation retreat, and my teacher told me how he focuses on belly breathing. Later I read the book called Mindfulness, which also said to focus on sensations in a belly. I gave a try to this approach, and my "relationship" with mindfulness became much deeper and rewarding.

I would like to know your experiences on this topic.

Thanks for posting! I'm interested in the same thing.

Sam Harris has published his own guided mediations. I found the 26min one to be the best guide to meditative investigation of reality and consciousness. I was experiencing some pain during the sitting and when he said "now open your eyes and notice what changes" I knew that nothing really changed but I noticed that my experience of the pain was much less prominent. It was the first guided meditation to actually show me how subjective our perception is. https://www.samharris.org/podcast/item/mindfulness-meditation

His article below links to his guided meditations and was a great simple intro to read: https://www.samharris.org/blog/item/how-to-meditate

In the article he recommends this book which has been the most useful and simple guide to vipassana meditation I've read. It's a great reference to turn back to, especially if you are without a consistent teacher: Mindfulness in Plain English, by Bhante Gunaratana

1) I think if you become "detached from everything", you're doing the practice "wrong". For me at least, the "point" of mindfulness is to become more aware, and thus to be able to decide the path I wish to take in the present moment.

2) Maybe unearthing hidden emotions and traumas can happen for those who've experienced them. JK-Z's "Full Catastrophe Living" mentions such a case where a woman uncovered childhood trauma through her mindfulness practice. But I would question whether this is a "danger". Is knowing yourself and your emotions and trauma really a bad thing? Maybe it will set you back in the short term, but perhaps it will leave you more fulfilled once those hidden emotions are properly dealt with and processed. Yes, these emotions and memories may require professional help to deal with properly, so perhaps one should assess for themselves whether they have access to the proper resources if they have had trauma and wish to try mindfulness practice.

There are many instances where something that is good for many will be catastrophic for a few individuals. Maybe mindfulness practice can harm people's psyche in certain instances.

But overall, I'm convinced this world needs to be more present, not less.

I know Mood Gym is often recommended

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Also Headspace

https://www.headspace.com/

Online CBT is quite well established these days. I know quite a few doctors and psychiatrists who would be positive about it.

I've just started The Power Of Now on the recommendation of a friend.

It's certainly an interesting read and makes sense to me. Not a book I can read at my normal speed-read pace either. It needs to be absorbed

Well you are posting on r/mindfulness, and it seems that you are looking for aome guidance, although you don't actually say so. So here is my advice.

Money is great, and we need it to be comfortable. So you can't just ignore it, but at the end of the day if you have enough money to live comfortably then that's enough. (you define comfortable for yourself) Anyone telling you how to get rich online is lying. If they have some secret to becoming rich, why would they share it and risk competition?

My concrete advice is to develop a meditation routine. The goal to begin is to meditate at least 10min per day. If you can achieve this, then everything else will come in time.

In order to achieve this initial goal, I suggest two things:

1. Get enough sleep. If you don't wake up refreshed in the morning, then go to bed ealier. If you have problems going to bed early enough, set youself a "go to sleep" alarm.

2. Download the plum village app. Use the short meditations to reach your 10min goal, and if you are feeling ambitious, try a longer one.

If you can develop this mediation routine, it will help you in ways you cannot imagine. Once you feel comfortable in the routine and have started meditating for longer periods comfortably, you back to youtube. But don't search for get-rich schemes. Search for meditation teachers, other types of meditation, and let your intuition guide you in the choices of your every day life.

I hope this advice helps. Namaste.

>From what I gather about mindfulness it can often involve silencing/not paying attention to your thoughts and rather just let them play out not internalising them or thinking further about them....If mindfulness asks me to ignore and not pursue or investigate these thoughts that can very often be very fruitful, then I am very suspicious of the practice.

That is not what mindfulness practice is. You don't silence your thoughts nor do you ignore them.

You might be interested in reading the Mindfulness (Sati) chapter from Bhante Gunaratana's Mindfulness in Plain English

> 10% Happier by Dan Harris (I recommend the audiobook of this)

A million times this. I've read a bunch of books on the topic and most are too out there for me. This book was entertaining, sometimes funny, and genuine. It's really an autobiography dealing with a specific period in Dan Harris's life, with some self help thrown in. As a skeptic, it was actually one of the most helpful books for me in terms of meditation and mindfulness.

Wow, talk about timing. I have to return "The Power of Now" to the library today and yesterday I decided that I would check out "Wherever You Go, There You Are" as my next read. This makes me feel good about my decision for sure. Glad you're making progress !!

I'm interested in the recommendations too, but I just finished Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, and it's my introduction book into mindfulness, and I loved it. It's something I highlighted, digested, and will definitely reread over and over. He focuses more on science than spirituality, and actually has a section about why he doesn't call mindfulness "spiritual". I really appreciated that. I look forward to more suggestions.

Mindfulness in Plain English seems to be recommended around here quite often. There are also some apps out there that can give you the very basic concepts. Try out calm, head space, or any other one that interests you.

Saw this and wanted to say I struggled with exactly the same thing! TIME so challenging.

I was an avid Headspace user but needed something more tailored for moms. So I went to the web and found ones I could download and make my own little library and it worked really really well. I also started doing more timed meditations. Recently a program that I did when I went back to work shared a site called Motherful which seems to be great but I just started using it.

I'd be open to hearing other ideas too b/c I definitely still struggle.

If you want a really handheld, but effective approach, I highly recommend Atom. It's 21 days, very basic, and covers a few methodologies/practices. The sessions are only a few minutes long, gradually building up. It's basically Atomic Habits meets Meditation app.

It's a good way to reboot in my opinion.

The instructions of his MBSR training CDs are not bad, at least the Full Body Scan technique was helpful to me to get started with longer-duration meditation. And the things he sais in Full Catastrophe Living can be a good introduction to the effects of mindfulness for those who have previously considered it esoteric or new-age bogus.

But... I would not treat him as any kind of role model to be associated with mindfulness.

Mindfulness will probably improve your "busy" life a lot because you will be doing things with a lot less stress and you will be able to focus more on the things that really matter. That doesn't mean you lose your drive or personality. In fact many people say it allows them to be who they really are. I was just reading Tim Ferriss' book Tools of Titans, and he says 80% of high performers he interviewed have a daily mindfulness or similar meditation practice.

Also it's also not like it happens all at once. It's like being afraid to start lifting weights because you don't want to end up a huge bodybuilder. The changes are usually gradual after doing lots of practice. So just try it out.

When I broke up with my ex, I decided that I would not change my routine. I meditated and exercised as scheduled. After that, I cried and lived the negative emotions mindfully. I repeated the same the next days until it was more manageable.

If you decide to give it a shot, it will not be as productive as it should be, but it will solidify your willpower and make you more resilient when facing difficult moments.

Just live your emotions without thinking too much of the story behind them and try to do what you would normally do even if you are devastated. The first days are very hard, but by doing this you will get better way faster.

Try to ignore the past. Try to ignore the future. You can plan ahead, but don't fall in the trap of anxiety caused by thinking about the future and the past.

Try to focus on the positive things you take for granted. It's hard at first, but by doing a small list in your head 2 minutes a day will help incredibly in the long run. (Ex.: access to clean water, family, not blind, etc)

If you feel terrible, do not run away from that feeling; let it sets in. Examine mindfully how you feel, accept and tame that sensation.

Take one habit and make it your top priority. Be it meditation or workout; anything, but don't drop it no matter what. It just take one habit to solidify your willpower (Read The Power of Habit).

It really sucks, but that's when something bad happens that you are the most vulnerable to fall back to your old patterns. Your willpower is drained; that's normal. Try to keep yourself on your feet as much as you can and try to see that difficult chapter of your life as a test or a challenge. If you do so, you will become a stronger person and you will be prepared to face the other fatalities of life we must all endure with the resolve of a warrior.

Take all these advises as you will. I wanted to share them because they changed my live completely.

I agree with you. I had an incredibly difficult time trying to wade through the pool of jargon he used. I think I only made it about a quarter of the way through the book, so maybe I didn't give it a fair chance, but I found his writing style and his terminology to be very off-putting.

I'm reading 10% Happier by Dan Harris right now (which is another book about mindfulness), and he had the same problem with Tolle's book. Aside from the pseudoscience (for example, his claim that living in the present slowed the aging process and made the molecular structure of the body less dense), Harris also had a big problem with Tolle's "lack of actionable advice".

I'm about halfway through Harris's book, and while it took him a while to get to the meaty stuff (it moves more slowly through his life than I would prefer), I like his practical (if a bit sarcastic) take on mindfulness. You might give it a try.

I may go back and read The Power of Now at some point, but I'm in grad school right now, and I currently don't have enough spare brainpower to digest nuggets like "being is the eternal, ever-present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death".

Yes, there is. I'd recommend two books. 'Wherever You Go, There You Are' by Jon Kabat-Zinn and 'Full Catastrophe Living' by the same author. The first one is an easily accessible introduction to mindfulness from a scientific, non-"spiritual," approach. 'Full Catastrophe Living' is a much denser tome that describes the entire 8-week treatment program the author runs for patients at one of his facilities. While overly dense in many cases, it has an 8 week outline, complete with alternating daily mindfulness exercises, that he puts all of his patients through. The book is also helpful if you read the first and would like the same instruction but said in different words.

Ronald Siegel's The Science of Mindfulness and Jason Satterfield's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Techniques for Retraining Your Brain helped me make major improvements on the same issues over the course of a couple years. I found the concepts in those books to be all I needed (along with determination).

https://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/The-Science-of-Mindfulness-Audiobook/B00MEQRUG0

https://www.audible.com/pd/Science-Technology/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Audiobook/B00ZB7Q1RS/ref=a_search_c4_1_2_srTtl?qid=1512712522&sr=1-2

Might sound more broadly related to productivity, but i've lately taken to using the android app 'Thing Counter' for its home screen widgets that i can modify with text reminders such as 'Awareness returned?' 'Continously aware 1min' 'Hearing 1 min' 'Attention/Peripheral' 'Body Scan' - So i'll hit the counter for every 1 minute of continuous awareness and every time the home screen reminds me to be aware, and it will keep a score. You can modify the values to countdown if you want too. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=de.sleak.thingcounter&hl=en

Aside from that i'll use google keep reminders throughout the day and MindBell for random bell ringing.

The Mindful Geek and The Science of Enlightenment are the two I recommend if you are into a secular take for sure. The Mindful Geek is really accessible for people just starting out and The Science of Enlightenment is a must read for mindfulness in my opinion.

If you want one within the framework of Buddhism "Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha" a cult classic that has very detailed description of Vipassana (which is basically mindfulness, but could be argued to be different depending on how you are teaching mindfulness). However, I would take the "stages of insight" and spooky warnings with a grain of salt if you go that route. I had intense experiences following the guidance of that book (along with Shinzen Young's teachings), but I feel the view MCTB sets up most people with is more dramatic than it needs to be. I also have found not everyone progresses the way the map describes. You can also get the free PDF here

You should check stoicism OP. A great book to start is A Guide to the Good Life, The ancient Art of Stoic Joy.

Anyways, Assholes don't have power; they convince others around them to give them power. Therefore, Assholes are parasites. They would never admit it, but if an asshole gets rewarded, it's merely because most people are trying to be good (in their own way). Anthropology and biology both tend to show that we are a cooperative specie. Personally, I don't want to be a parasite.

Hey for books you can try

Mindfulness in Plain English, The Mind Illuminated

Those two books are straightforward and well respected.

The Insight Meditation Center has a great free audio class at

http://www.audiodharma.org/series/1/talk/1762/

If you go through those slowly and practice what you read then you'll have a great start.

>Do you just start becoming mindful of every action, thought, sensation, etc like suggested in The power of now? Do you practice sitting meditation and if so for how long?

I practice vipassana as described in Mindfulness in Plain English, walking meditation and "just sitting" as practiced by some Zen practitioners, shamanic journeying, a little yoga and I also attempt to practice mindfulness in all daily activities.

Mindfulness is my primary focus, but living a healthy (nutritious food,sleep,sunlight,exercise) and moral life helps.

I approach it all from a secular perspective.

I typically sit or walk for 15 - 45 minutes a day. When I want I may sit for an hour. I find it painful to sit much longer. I had bad posture for a long time and a desk job so my body isn't great. Sometimes I'll practice longer but I may lay down or alternate sitting and walking in short sessions. Something like a Zen sesshin.

If my concentration is weak I may practice body scans or counting.

If my moods are irritated or grumpy I may practice Metta.

Most often I just observe what is happening. :)

I disagree. Mindfulness in Plain English clearly makes statements about past lives and psychic phenomena that may be off-putting to the OP. Even though these topics are not the main thrust of the book and are only briefly referenced, they're still there.

This, and Full Catastrophe Living

"Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn is a great introduction. It's a pretty long book, but has a ton of great info. I really didn't have many questions left after reading it until I got further into my practicing.

I'll go for the simple explanation.

To meditate, sit still for a short, but not insignificant amount of time. You can do this sitting or standing. Shoulders back, feet on the ground. Focus on your breath, try for slow, deep breath with possibly a pause in between inhale and exhale. After that, just focus on your breath and relaxing your posture. If you want, put on some relaxing rythmic sounds or music - ocean waves usually work great! Set a timer - 5 minutes a day is a great place to start.

When your mind wanders, which it will, gently bring yourself back to breath and relaxation. That's the practice, not to NOT get distracted, BUT to bring yourself back from distraction. Sometimes you can get anxious while doing this, just try to tolerate it for a little bit longer.

Meditation works because we have two switches in our brain. In modern times, one is turned on too often - the "fight or flight switch." Using meditation, we turn the switch back to the other side - the "rest and digest side." Meditation also releases a chemical that helps snip unneeded wiring in our brain.

Simple image:

http://www.sowhealth.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/sympathetic-and-parasympathetic-nervous-systems.jpg

Check out these two pictures for a before and after

https://www.researchgate.net/figure/280626837_fig4_Figure-8-Responses-associated-with-sympathetic-dominance-The-dual-sided-autonomic

So sorry you're going through this. I remember going through a similar thing when my ex dumped me a few years back and it was really awful - my anxiety skyrocketed basically. Was one of the worst gut wrenching time in my life.

What helped me though was practicing mindfulness through meditation - the app Headspace (https://www.headspace.com) honestly helped me get through that period a lot.

> dan Harris' podcast "10% happier" episode #47: Jessica Morey: teaching meditation to teenagers.

Link

Careful though, some of them most certainly head into the direction of misogyny and a strong bitterness, where some place the blame in a scapegoat- specifically women here.

I was a part of their communities, but the mindset there was warped in ways I didn’t want to be constantly saddened about. I chose to just go through this on my own, through the book that is highly revered within the groups, and rightly so. It’s called “The Multi-Orgasmic Man” It’s rooted in Tao philosophy, and incredibly insightful. I really recommend it.

A similar but different suggestion to OP's is just a small round sticker (like these). I have one on my phone, on the dashboard of my car, on my computer, on the fridge, on the inside of the front door. Just small inconspicuous stickers that you know are a reminder to be present.

First, I recommend reading Mindfulness in Plain English. That book will help you further understand the basics of practicing mindfulness meditation and will be a good resource to turn to when questions arise in the early stages of practice.

>Am I supposed to stop my thoughts?

No, the point of mindfulness is not to stop your thoughts but rather to observe your thoughts simply as passing sensations. HOWEVER, in the early stages of practice, and by early stages I do not mean days or weeks but rather months or even years, it will simply being impossible to observe one's thoughts with any degree of continuous mindfulness as the mind has yet to develop a baseline of concentration.

>I feel like observing my thoughts adds/triggers more anxiety.

Yes, this will happen. The best advice is not to be mindful of thoughts just yet but rather to be mindful of your body.

>I just feel like when I’m sitting being there and acknowledging my thoughts and body my thoughts snowball. I don’t achieve calm. How do I slow it?

You achieve calm by meditating more and allowing the mind/body to relax thus developing a bassline of concentration. Right now, when you practice sitting meditation simply focus your attention on the physical sensations of breathing. And when you notice you are lost in thought, silently note "thinking" and calmy return your awareness to the breath. That is the basic practice. If however, you are experiencing some bodily sensation that is "stronger" than the breath, making it easier to rest your awareness on the sensation instead of the breath, shift your focus to observing the bodily sensation for the duration of the meditation or until it goes away, at which point you would shift your awareness back to the breath.

Generally, make the focus of your attention, your "anchor," some sensation within the body, not the mind. With time, your mind will settle.

Awareness is the first step to cultivating more mindful presence. You're on your way! :)

Three ways to become more mindful over time:

1) Learn: Books like "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat Zinn, and "Being Peace" by Thich Nhat Hanh are rich resources to deepen your understanding of mindfulness.

There are a lots of blogs and podcasts interviews on mindfulness that can be very informative too.

2) Meditate: This is the basic practice involved with cultivating greater mindfulness in life.

3) Practice: Meditation is one form of practice, but everything in life can be done mindfully. Slow down. Breath. Act with intention. Pay attention to what it feels like to move more slowly and with intention. Notice the space it creates. See the why of your actions, not just the what.

Practice metta towards the people around you throughout your day.

I think the book Search Inside Yourself (or maybe it was Joy on Demand, same author) talks about how this dramatically increased people's happiness at Google.

Basically whenever you see someone say to yourself something like, "This person is a human being just like me and they just want to be happy"

Search Inside Yourself is actually a whole book mostly on practicing mindfulness at work, highly recommended.

Mind if I recommend two books?

The first is Doing Good Better, which is a book on how anybody can use their skills or money to make the world a better place. Since I finished that book I now donate 10% of my paycheck to the most effective charities or the top rates charities on Charity Navigator. I feel like I'm contributing more to the world not only in my job, but also in allowing other people to perform their jobs.

The other is So Good They Can't Ignore You. The author pretty much says that following your passion is BS, and that you should take a craftsman approach to your job. There's data that shows that job fulfillment is less correlated with your passions and more correlated with how mindful you are at your work, and how good you are at it. The main argument of the book is that passion follows practice, not the other way around.

As a twenty-something myself these two books have changed my goals in life and have helped me find a more fulfilling life. I enjoy my job, even though the industry it's in isn't really that sexy, and I know that I can help others make the world a better place with my donations.

Based off the book "Mindfulness in Plain English" you shouldn't be completely ignoring the anxious thoughts, nor should you be controlled by them. If you meditate focus on the breath and when the thoughts arise simply observe them for a brief time. Then, bring your attention back to the breath. Don't judge yourself for getting caught up in the chain of thoughts, as long as you identify you're not being mindful, you're actually practicing a bit of mindfulness. Have a read of some chapters in the book: http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html

Here, from the book 'Mindfulness in Plain English,' chapter 2:

• What Meditation Isn't

It's not a perfect explanation, but it's a good start from a respected monk who can explain this stuff pretty well.

Hope this helps!

I have struggled with the same problems since I was really young. The impermanence of life and all things has always been a source of huge anxiety for me. However, I'm finding that the same thoughts that cause so much anxiety can also cause feelings of freedom, happiness, compassion, and so on.

I have only discovered mindfulness recently, but I have high hopes it will be helpful. The fact that you're posting your question in this sub suggests you can see the potential as well. Everything that u/njester025 said seems like a great place to start.

I am about half way through reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book The Miracle of Mindfulness and would recommend it.

A video with Thich Nhat Hanh that I've found comforting

Edit: spelling

I think this is a good simple way to understand some distinction. At the same time it deserves to be pointed out (for those unfamiliar with mindfulness practices) that many mindfulness practices involve some of both the items you mentioned. That is, a lot of accepting and some challenging, inquiry, examination and effort towards replacing something unskillful with something skillful. That is, mindfulness does not directly equate with acceptance. Mindfulness involves equanimity, resilience, acceptance, awareness, etc.

Just wanted to point out that the distinction isn't so black and white.

For example here are some techniques in Mindfulness in Plain English( by Ven. Henepola Gunaratana) that I wouldn't categorize as accepting: Check out Maneuver 5 & 6 in http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe11.html

Obviously these are techniques used in mindfulness practice and may not constitute mindfulness in and of themselves, but that is partially my point. Mindfulness can refer to the practice, a host of techniques and methodology and also a state of being.

> Mindfulness in Plain English

Thank you very much. I will check out Mindfulness in Plain English. Curious if there are any guided meditations you'd suggest for breath meditation followed by Metta? Thnx

Of course you can be mindful. Just keep practicing, and stop judging whether you're doing it correctly or not. I was reading "Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn, and in it, he guides us to be rather than to do, and he suggests that being goal-oriented in our mindfulness practice is a little counter-productive, since it's more of a "doing" than a "being." He also repeatedly advises that during our practice, it's the brain's nature to wander, so don't judge it. Just gently bring it back to where we choose to pay attention. He constantly reminds us to be gentle and compassionate toward ourselves, and to not worry about succeeding or failing at mindfulness. That dedicated practice alone is enough. He also points out that it takes real effort. So, don't despair. 20 of seconds at a clip is where you are right now. Enjoy those 20 seconds. That's not a bad thing at all.

Others have asked how here to achieve (or indulge) in creative endeavors when we're supposed to be in the current moment all the time. My answer, fwiw, is that mindfulness allows us to focus our attention. Sometimes, we choose to focus on the raw sensations of reality, because there's serenity there. Other times, though, you can use that same skill of intense focus on competely abstract or artistic ideas. With practice, you might find yourself able to concentrate better than before. You won't be in the "now" but you'll nevertheless be very mindful of the topic you've chosen to spend that time being mindful of.

Keep practicing and practicing and practicing. Kabait-Zinn starts people off with weeks-long programs that require 45 minutes of body scan meditation every day. I have a hard time with that level of commitment, but it gives you a sense for how much work others have put in to practice this mindfulness thing.

Good luck! You're fine now, and will be fine going forward.

Get the Guided Mindfulness Meditation CDs by Jon Kabat Zinn. They're basically his MBSR (Mindfulness based stress reduction) course that he teaches at MIT. Use them in conjunction with Full Catastrophe Living. It's not easy and you really have to do it every day but it's the best thing you could invest your time in.

I might have phrased it incorrectly. My bad. But thank you for your answer! Another follow up question; could mindfullness be dangerous because I've read some conflicting things on this subject; https://www.researchgate.net/post/Can_meditation_have_negative_side_effects

Really thank you for your answer!

Buy and read this book ASAP. Tara Brach is amazing and this book really helped me with some of what you are going through.

https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990

Agree with you totally. We’re genetically programmed to be anxious. Certain Congnitive Behavior Techniques are helpful. This book is not well researched just an ephiphany. You can try a more structured approach by seeing a qualified medical professional. If you want to read a book try “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380731762/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_u.V-Fb16E8QJ9”

Another great book is Ending the Pursuit of Happiness: A Zen Guide https://www.amazon.com/dp/0861715535/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_7sW-Fb7RPK3SK

Hate to advertise amazon but here.

Verilux HappyLight VT10 Compact Personal, Portable Bright White Light 10,000 Lux Therapy Lamp with 20 sq. in. Lens Size https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K08ZDBI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_UxdTFbCQ045CS?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I think you’ve answered this yourself already. ☺️

If something’s working, do more of it...

“The only time I breathe like a normal person is when I actively think about each breath, or during meditation.”

Then this is the key for you.

How can you incorporate more of these moments into your day? While the kettle’s boiling, while you’re digging the garden, walking the dog, or brushing your hair.

Coupling things together in this way is a sure-fire way to create a new habit.

Also, consider attending a breathing class, or using an online m’pal[breathing room](doasone.com)

You might also like to take a look at this article aboutthis new book.

Go well. ☺️

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jul/26/every-breath-you-take-the-lost-art-of-breathing

This is another popular resource for managing your thoughts using CBT, for anybody who is interested:

https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421/

The top review is correct in that it can seem almost insultingly basic, but I think it's kind of like meditation in that way. It's simple, but it's not always easy.

I've been using Aware on my Android.

Aware

But I also have Buddhify installed which is good too.

Buddhify

I would suggest that you read The Mindful Way through Depression. It provides a straightforward approach that cuts out a lot of the unnecessary stuff that you'll likely encounter from many other sources. It really helped me a great deal.

I'm all for meditation. This book is really good. There's even a subreddit for it. The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Integrating Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science for Greater Mindfulness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501156985/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_dxeOBb3FWF4V5

If you have actual depression and anxiety I'd really recommend seeing your doc and getting a med. It's the only thing that's helped me. Really, there's no shame. It's just like having high blood pressure, it needs to be treated.

The first few chapters of this:

https://www.amazon.com/Attention-Revolution-Unlocking-Power-Focused/dp/1536609684

The rest is an interesting read, but not really relevant unless you are planning a life of meditation.

Waking Up (that Sam Harris book) was actually really helpful to me especially in overcoming my own skepticism of even trying something like mindfulness.

"Mindfulness in Plain English", especially, and come to think of it most of the books over on the sidebar that I've read have been very helpful as well; "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind," "Wherever You Go, There You Are," and even for the most part "The Power of Now."

><strong>Eckhart Tolle - Living Luminaries - The Power Of Now [98:28]</strong>

> <em>^gfawkes2k</em> ^in ^News ^& ^Politics

>^1,536 ^views ^since ^Oct ^2016

[^bot ^info](/r/youtubefactsbot/wiki/index)

> moments of reflection to decide what path you are on in life and how you could change things for the better. With the caveat: these should be focused moments that are infrequent, we shouldn't constantly be doing this.

I completely agree with this. I was in a bad habit a couple of months ago - if I was unhappy, I would constantly be trying to work out why. I would think about it all day, then write about it in the evening for an hour. I was able to work some stuff out and put myself in a better position to be happy but I was still stuck in that analysis mode and it's incredibly hard to break. You think if you are unhappy there has to be a solution and it is your responsibility to find it.

I really like how it was described in 'Mindfulness in Plain English', talking about how we are constantly in doing mode - it is our natural tendency to want to solve everything but our natural state should be 'being mode'. There is definitely a place for reflection but perhaps not as often as people would think.

I second moomba89's recommendations of Eckart Tolle - 'The Power of Now' and Jon Kabat-Zinn - 'Full Catastrophe Living' and would add 'Siddhartha's Brain' by James Kingsland (https://www.falconteachings.com/single-post/2017/06/04/What-Would-Buddhas-Brain-Look-Like) and Jack Kornfield's 'A Path with Heart' (https://jackkornfield.com/a-path-with-heart/)

The author is taking a lot of things for granted, in particular where newcomers to mindfulness get their advice about the subject. Regardless if Kabat-Zinn is teaching corporate mindfulness classes, if someone, for instance, was reading Wherever You Go, There You Are as an introduction to mindfulness, it would be obtuse for them to come out of that experience with an impression of the practice that lacks the ideas of "compassion, empathy, and caring".

Just finished Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat Zinn and I would definitely recommend it.

JKZ is often credited with helping to popularize secular mindfulness, but don’t let that suggest that he is too irreverent or a proponent of “McMindfulness”. He’s a very thoughtful and well-spoken guy. The book is broken up into many very small chapters and as such is very digestible and easy to read.

He’s on an episode of Dan Harris’ 10% Happier podcast if you’d like to hear a bit from him.

Also I would recommend Harris’ book, which is also called 10% Happier. The audiobook version is read by the author and is quite entertaining. It recounts the author’s career as an ambitious journalist, war correspondent, and eventual drug user, which combined with depression to result in an on-air panic attack which acted as a catalyst for him to start getting his mind in order. In the book he has some interaction with both Eckart Tollé and Deepak Chopra and eventually found his way to mindfulness practice. Worth checking out.

Check out Search Inside Yourself by Chade Meng Tan. He was a Google engineer that went full time into running a mindfulness program at Google. It's one of my favorite books on mindfulness because it's super practical, and it includes a lot of great stuff on workplace mindfulness (and lots of great stuff on outside the workplace mindfulness). I remember a few sections on how he taught managers mindfulness and how it benefited everyone involved.

I am a very anxious person and have struggled with depression since I was a young child. My struggles, but most especially after a serious head injury in 2015, are what took me on the path toward mindfulness which has helped my tremendously (in addition to the book "Full Catastrophe Living"--which I'd highly recommend to anyone). I have, maybe, 5 beers a week. I may try to bring that down, though.

When I was new to mindfulness I really got a lot out of "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana. That book got my interest going and turned me on to more specific avenues of the topic and eventually people like Stephen Batchelor.

There are two sides to clinical depression. The physical and the psychological.

Saying that depression is a purely physical phenomenon ignores the fact that your thoughts directly affect your physiology and the release of hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.

Eckhart Tolle's "The Power Of Now" begins with the author describing the depths of his own suicidal depression and his sudden release from it.

I strongly recommend that book to anyone suffering from depression (clinical or not).

> Can anyone relate to this?

I can tell you this - you are absolutely onto it. This is absolutely the crux of mindfulness meditation so well done.

Anyone who thinks they are actually purely mindful and without thought and therefore experiencing "things as they really are" is most likely kidding themselves and therefore inhibiting their progress. Effectively, in order to not be experiencing things through thought you are meant to not have an ego (or have ego death) such as Eckhart Tolle or other Buddhist masters. However it is a continuum of mindfulness so good on you for being so self-aware.

I am not an expert or an instructor or any of the above, but what I would suggest is that if you think you are thinking about feeling something, come back to the breath and pay attention to that. Mindfulness in Plain English (top link on sidebar) tells you how to "properly" pay attention to the breath and that is the best advice I've ever read.

As mentioned elsewhere in this thread, Jon Kabat-Zinn started Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program in Boston and it uses a science-based approach to meditation without mysticism.

In San Francisco, a quick search found this: Osher Center MBSR Program. I don't know anything about this program, but if they follow Kabat-Zinn's approach, I think you will find it palatable.

I would also suggest you check out Kabat-Zinn's book, Full Catastrophe Living.

(Jon Kabat-Zinn is Professor of Medicine Emeritus and creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.)

Well you've posted this to /r/mindfulness, which has helped me a lot.

I did go see a therapist, which helped but I found my own research is what really led me to a self-breakthrough.

I read:

• 10% Happier by Dan Harris
• Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
• The Four Agreements

And I listened to Tara Brach's talks.

Basically what they did, was help me see the mindset/emotions/ego that I had developed due to the life I've lived. I realised that my past was affecting my present and future. It helped me disassociate myself from those things and forced me to consider what matters in my life, what am I investing my energy and thoughts into. Life overall is a lot better and my relationship with my SO is infinitely better than before, we communicate on a different level now and there is an intimacy there that we had lost. Now is constantly going by and you're never going to get now back.

>Whenever I feel a little anxiety, I clamor to focus on my breath or something and just feel worse. Any thoughts?

This doesn't sound like mindfulness. This sounds like escapism.

In mindfulness practice we turn to face our fear, our anxiety, our panic. We cultivate mindfulness of all phenomena.

Mindfulness of breath strengthens concentration and is a way to practice awareness with a simple recurring phenomena that we all have. You can establish the breath as an anchor.

Using this anchor as a safe place to return to - you should turn your awareness on the anxiety itself. When you are overwhelmed totally you can retreat back to the breath for a bit before moving back to the anxiety.

Clamor to be mindful of this anxiety! It is your new teacher.

An excellent Tibetan teacher who worked through panic attacks- Mingyur Rinpoche says that we must become friends with our panic.

We rush to greet a friend with a kind and compassionate demeanor. We do not clamor to run away.

Try metta or compassion practice with your mindfulness of breath. Then find mindfulness instruction that takes you into working with emotion, thought, etc..

Have you read Mindfulness in Plain English? There is also a great mindfulness track in the recommended talks on audiodharma.org

I'm with you. I take a view like OP, but I can take the mystical stuff in context. I really appreciated Mindfulness in Plain English as well. But I know some folks can instantly have their hackles raised by any sort of mystical beliefs, and, given that the OP is specifically requesting no mysticism, I figured I'd steer them away from Mindfulness in Plain English, even though I think it's great as a pragmatic guide. Luckily, there are plenty of other good resources in this thread.

This, by the way, is taken straight from Thich Nhat Hanh's "The Miracle of Mindfulness". I recognized that passage immediately. And yes, when I have been mindful when washing the dishes, I have noticed a definite release of stress as a result.

JKZ is intense and can be a bit too academic for most readers (myself incl) - especially Full Catastrophe Living that I thought I'd really enjoy but is heavy going for much of it.

Best meditation book I've ever read was "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Henepola - and bonus, its free!

Oh, "The Feeling Good Handbook" says that you shouldn't be on benzos for longer than 2 weeks because they're very addicting so they're really just a short-term solution. To get rid of fear, you have to face the situation and you can do that through CBT.

I'm a beginner to mindfulness practice and in the process of reading a book called "Search Inside Yourself," which I highly recommend. Anyways, this quote really resonated with me and I figured you guys would enjoy it.

I hadn't heard that example, but that's really neat. Thanks for sharing. I have heard of many instances where mindfulness makes big differences for company. In fact, a teacher I had in "mindful leadership". named Maria Gonzalez, teaches from an organizational leadership perspective and cites mindfulness meditation as what made a HUGE difference in her ability to more successfully negotiate business acquisitions and mergers better than most others (as evidenced by her closing and successful tradition records).

In fact, Google has a mindfulness program for business leaders called "Search Inside Yourself" that has gotten quite a bit of attention.

In any case, it is also a controversial concept. For one, there is a tendency to "water down" the core concepts of mindfulness for use in the workforce. Second, there are ethical questions about whether we could be using something that is meant to promote balance, peace, compassion for the purposes of productivity, profit and increased effort from employees. On the other hand, those last benefits are often the "hooks" for businesses to introduce mindfulness and the other compassion/peace, etc. benefits can still be there, so is it just a more realistic way to introduce those things through a bit of a "back door"? Interesting and important questions I think.

It has helped me run mine better from more concentration, being consistent, probably better to be around, haha. The author of Search Inside Yourself was also there that year. I saw their breakout session. It's really cool to see that program roll out.

One old marketing saying is "Sell them what they want, give them what they need." I don't mind some sizzle as long as it's fulfilled well. The way I first looked into mindfulness was from a psychological benefits-only point of view because I wasn't interested at the time in any spiritual aspects. I think it should be different hooks for different people and groups.

I kind of worry about it getting sold out someday. Like when Caffeine-Free Mindful Coke comes out someday, we'll probably have gone too far:)

Reading Peace is Every Step right now, and I reread Miracle of Mindfulness every once in a while and recommend it frequently. Honestly, I think Miracle of Mindfulness is a better introduction. It goes in a lot more depth, whereas Peace is Every Step covers a lot more ground, but in an almost aphoristic style.

Probably the The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation, but in general I always like to "follow my joy" or my feelings/what interests me, so if you feel drawn to "Peace Is Every Step" - do that one :)

OK, but what's with attachment? Our mind will be getting attached, but we'll be able to control it and decide to get rid of all of them, right?

I just started reading Mindfulness in Plain English for the second time (first time I ended after "what meditation IS" chapter) and it feels very extremist. No good things, no bad things (because only neutral things are left), no attachment to the future/past... I've read some stuff about this here and there and still feel like something's wrong with this!

I've read both and liked them. I feel that The Miracle of Mindfulness would give a better grounding in the practice, if you're interested in the theory of mindfulness. However, I think that Peace Is Every Step will give you more steps to practice mindfulness without the theory. Both books are easy to read though & I recommend them both to friends & colleagues if they ask. HTH.

There were parts of it that I loved, but some of it was just a bit too, well, dry seems the perfect word.

A rather dumbed-down version of his book that I nevertheless enjoyed was 10% Happier by Dan Harris (no relation). Have you read it?

I can identify with this. Up until very recently, I didn't have too much of a problem zoning in and focusing on the breath because I found I didn't have loud, intrusive thoughts to interrupt. However, I've now changed my meditation practice to be less about focusing on the breath and more about noticing the breath, and I consider this an improvement.

I find that no longer attempting to relentlessly focus on the breath allows a heightened sense of awareness. Sounds, sensations, and visual stimulations (even just the sense of "blackness" with my eyes closed) now freely enter the contents of my consciousness and I am free to deliberately and consciously recognize them, before very gently bringing attention (distinct from focusing) back to the breath.

This insight came to me when when listening to Sam Harris' 9 minute guided meditation on soundcloud and noticing how he doesn't place overwhelming emphasis on focusing on the breath, but instead just being open to noticing all sensations and then gently directing your noticing back to the breath. In Mindfulness in Plain English, mindfulness is described as "soft-focus", distinct from the hard focus that I was used to practicing. I think you might find experimenting with this allows you to notice the more subtle background thoughts better.

I think those can be mindful, in the sense that you can use them to handle emotions. Stoicism seems to be pretty similar to Eastern Philosophies in that regard. I'd say Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is an example of someone being mindful through writing contemplations and reflections.

Kabat-Zinn is my favourite teacher as well, followed by Eckhart Tolle and sometimes a bit of Alan Watts (who has a lot more poetic way of talking, but also more enigmatic).

"Wherever You Go, There You Are" is the very first book I got on the subject of mindfulness and meditation and still my favourite.

Agreed, Jon Kabat-Zinn's 7 &quot;attitudinal factors of mindfulness&quot; includes "non-striving".

> “Almost everything we do, we do for a purpose, to get something or somewhere. But in meditation, this attitude can be a real obstacle” (op.cit. p. 37). The tendency to ”driven-ness” in our culture and society has enabled us to enjoy unprecendented standards of living, comfort and security. However, ”driven-ness” has resulted in extraordinary levels of unsatisfactoriness, stress and other associated problems, and we can inevitably bring this tendency into our meditation practice. Within this context, the attitude of “non-striving” is best understood as not straining or forcing for a result. Loosening up expectations of our meditation practice can be both challenging and liberating.

Kabat-Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living is dense, but worthwhile reading if you're looking for a more guidance for self-exploration.

I definitely recommend an MBSR class, though.

Have you read Joh Kabat-Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living? Looks like he also sells some CD's

Hi /u/DrRomanKel,

Have you spoken with your doctor about this? They may have some good suggestions or insight.

Is it possible for you to find a class/teacher that can work with you in person? That may be helpful initially, until you are able to realize you're auto-pilot is kicking in, early enough to short circuit the process.

What you're doing takes a lot of determination and courage. Make sure you aren't trivializing any progress you may have made. Take time to celebrate when you meet challenges successfully, even (and especially) small ones.

For me personally, body scans helped put me in better touch with the pain and discomfort I had been trying to shut out. Once I was more aware of my body, emotions, and thoughts I was able to experiment with forgiveness (to myself and others) and surrender (to the present moment, to what is, to love) and eventually, even gratitude. The body scans put me in a position to do that, but first the negative was intensified.

I'll list some resources that helped me greatly. If you're interested, take a look.

>Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn

>Anger, by Thich Nhat Hanh (I used 'anger' as a place-holder for any emotion while reading this book)

>Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child, by Thich Nhat Hanh

I am thankful for the reddit community. I received a lot of good advice and support here, especially from /r/meditation, /r/kundalini, and /r/buddhism (despite not subscribing to any specific religion).

Good journey.

I think you are a perfect case for praticsing mindfulness/awareness. From your posting it seems you have no dire problems. I get the sense that your life lacks the colors. Mindfulness does pick this up perfectly.

As a starter I would recommend you reading Eckhart Tolles "Now" and/or John Kabats "Full Catastrophe Living". Give it time, trust in it and reserve judgment only for after practicing 3-4 months. Do it for its own sake not for expectations or a colorful future.

It sure can!

Inner child work is a great way to combine mindfulness with trauma healing specifically. I suggest Cathryn L Taylor's &quot;The Inner Child Work Book".

There are a ton of meditation and visualization exercises that help to re-write traumatic memories. I cannot recommend it enough!

A few more suggestions for you. First, when it comes to meditation, there are a variety of methods out there. The simplest, at least for me anyway, is the counting breath method. Another commenter left a link for Insight Timer. It's a great meditation app to help you get started. And even better, it's free.

Second, I'd also suggest reading The Mindful Way Through Meditation. Granted, it's about depression specifically, but the methods and insights found in the book are universally applicable to a variety of issues. https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2OLILL5MSGLSQ&amp;keywords=mindful+way+through+depression&amp;qid=1670382226&amp;sprefix=Mindful+way%2Caps%2C131&amp;sr=8-1

Since you mentioned trauma specifically, my third and final suggestion is to consider therapy, if you haven't already. Therapy, combined with meditation and mindfulness, could be a powerful strategy to help you deal with whatever trauma you have or are experiencing.

What helped me, was someone telling me "thoughts are not real." I hadn't really considered it like that before and tended to give my thoughts my full attention. But thoughts are just thoughts. It's as simple as that. Just thinking a thing doesn't make it a fact. Now I have no trouble letting thoughts go and being mindful ebacsue I've changed my perspectvie on their improtace.

This book sums it up really well.

I love this and have practiced this “one truth, one law” often and sometimes effortlessly.

I recommend the short book “I Am, I Create” by Erin Worley as well. Here.Thank you for the recommendations, can’t wait to delve in.

Reminds me of a book I love that might help you as well! It’s about how to work with each emotion. It’s amazing!

‘Letting Go - David R. Hawkins’

https://www.amazon.com/Letting-Go-David-R-Hawkins-ebook/dp/B00EY818TQ

There's a great book called how to break up your phone. It talks a lot about the science behind our addiction to our phones, why it's so harmful, and provides the tools to help reduce the addiction.

I managed to get rid of all of my social media except for Reddit about 6 months ago and it has been huge. I'm even not on Reddit that much though the last week I have been just because of some stuff in life that's keeping me from doing much else for a little bit. So I'm bored but still managing to keep my relationship more healthy with Reddit than I have in the past. And in the next few days I will disconnect from Reddit except for specific conditions.

I highly recommend the book. And yes I understand the irony of me telling you this on my smart phone ..

https://www.amazon.com/How-Break-Up-Your-Phone/dp/039958112X

I started talking to a therapist about it which helped tremendously. The therapist introduced me to mindfulness to help with it, but that was only a small part of a greater process. We used dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT) and medication to help with it (turns out there was an actual medical disorder contributing to the depression). DBT is helpful because it attempts to ‘rewire’ your mind to not go into the same bad thought processes.

So my recommendation is talk to a professional, or if you can’t do that you might want to take a look at the DBT guide I am using. Mindfulness is the basis of it so it would probably make a lot of sense to you.

https://www.amazon.com/12-Week-DBT-Workbook-Practical-Dialectical/dp/1638784922/

Mindfulness in Plain English. This is without question the most thoughtful and informed book I have encountered on the subject.

https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069/ref=asc_df_0861719069/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312143170987&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=5381169335681804249&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hv...

Beware “karma farmer” type authors who steal quotes here and there and pretend to be informed and well read. The majority of authors on this subject are not. This guy is the real deal. And he presents multiple points of view. I bought it for a dharma class that assigned just a few chapters. It’s so good that I read the whole hardcopy. And then bought and listened to the audible book. It’s authentic, amazing, and I just can’t say enough about it.

I bought this audio of a 3.5 hour long live talk of his given at a retreat in Scotland. Unfortunately the longer clips of his live talks have been scrubbed from YouTube. Around a decade ago there were a lot of them.