What are /r/sexover30's favorite Products & Services?

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Normal is a mostly useless term in this area, but it's not uncommon for many different reasons. Not everyone derives intimacy or feels bonded from sex. Your wife may be one of those people. Someone who doesn't get their intimacy from sex may not understand that sex is not just a form of recreation to the partner, so they have no idea that unenthusiastic participation is often worse than no sex at all. On the flip side, which I think you are experiencing now, the partner that gets intimacy from sex doesn't always understand how the other doesn't.

This isn't an insurmountable problem, but it does take commitment from both partners if it's going to be over come. The first step is actually defining what intimacy means to each of you, and how each of you feel connected and bonded. For you, as someone that gets intimacy from sex, you have to focus on the feelings, and not the acts. You also have to be open to, and accepting of what is intimate to her, even if it's something completely non sexual. In order to find a happy medium for each of you, each of you must understand the specific things that the other needs to feel those "warm fuzzies", and you must both commit to providing that, without strings. Once that understanding is there, if your wife is open to it, she can look for things about the specific sex acts that have meaning for her, and make them something that she can desire and seek out. On your part, you have to let go of any need you have to dictate what the focus of her desire is.

It's not that there is anything wrong with either of you, it's just a difference in what makes you feel connected. Reading The 5 Love Languages may help bridge that understanding gap.

And you are right about the back rubs. If you do that now, you'll be turning intimacy into currency, and making your sexual relationship a transaction, which you'll find is even worse than what you have now.

A big thing for my husband and I, when we're not both in the mood/mindset for sex at the same time, is to still be present for the other, with no expectations. Often this means that one of us will masturbate while the other just holds, cuddles, or caresses. This provides connection and intimacy without either of us having to "perform" when we're not feeling it. The happy bonus is that around 50% of the time, whichever one of us wasn't in the mood ends up being in the mood. Other times, it's just cuddles, no masturbation, and that's good too, as it usually puts us closer to being in sync for sex in the near future.

If you haven't already, try reading Come as You Are. It may provide some insight and ideas to both you and your wife.

Standard Responses:

1. Look up "Responsive Desire" v.s. "Spontaneous Desire".
2. Read the book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.
3. There's a book out there about "Love Languages", but I can't remember what it is.

I (30F) was in the same boat as you 9 months ago and finally got a vibrator. Seriously changed my life. Now I know what I need from my partners and have been having mindblowingly amazing sex ever since. Only wish I’d gotten one sooner. Highly recommend this one: magic wand rechargeable The name of it is no lie...

The BEST BEST BEST book either my partner or I have ever read about all of this is Come As You Are . Get it. Read it. Make your partner read it.

It will change your sex life. We recommend it to everyone. (And it covers arousal, which is why it’s relevant here).

As a guy it can be super fun to add applying a condom to foreplay. Another thing that was helpful for me was incorporating condom adjacent toys into foreplay. Such as a Tenga egg or a masturbation sleeve. - Tenga Egg on Amazon

You have a very special wife. She's admitted to you that she has a lower drive than you but she is still right there with you, having, and enjoying, sex 3-5 times a week. Never take that for granted. I know it's fantastic to feel desired and wanted by a partner that can't wait to tear your clothes off and throw you on the bed, but that's just not what some people do. The fact that after all these years your wife is still an active and enthusiastic participant in your sex life is her showing you how much she wants and desires you.

I think you might both benefit from reading Come as You Are, which explains Responsive Desire. It's not a reflection on you at all, it's just the way some people work sexually, and there's nothing wrong with it. Knowing what it is, and how it works can make a world of difference.

I'm 70 and have a similar issue (due in part to my age) and this soft silicone cock ring works very well for me.

Stretch it (this style is soft and stretchy) and slide it onto your cock when you're erect, about 3/4 of the way from the tip. The blood vessels that carry blood INTO the penis are pretty near the center, while the veins that carry blood out and back to the heart, are close to the surface. So blood goes in, no problem, but the ring SLOWS the blood getting back to the body. This set has three sizes; use the one that's snug, but not actually tight.

ED drugs such as Cialis or Viagra relax the muscles around the blood vessels leading TO the penis and allow more blood IN, so the pill and the ring work together.

You and her should both read his book . Unfortunately women’s sexuality has been treated to much like men’s and we’re completely different. This book is the most accurate one out there. I loved it.

For sheer versatility and enjoyment, get a good massage table. The ones by BestMassage seem to be real favorites here on SO30. They usually cost around $80-90 on Amazon, and it's money well spent.

We've had ours for years and the top surface is finally starting to show a tiny bit of wear, but it's still solid. We do erotic massage/tantric sex on it at least twice a week and it doesn't wobble at all, even when we're both on it or when we're doing PIV with Z standing at the foot of the table.

It folds up out of the way in a closet, and it's portable, so we can take it out to the back patio for a sunny al fresco massage, etc., on nice days. (Yes, we have a VERY private backyard! :)

It shouldn’t all be on you, he needs to be an active participant as well. I only provide suggestions for you because you can control your own actions.

I’m currently reading Come As You Are. It’s pretty popular lately, and might be an interesting read for you both.

Actually you very wrong. Women are just as sexual as males we just operate differently. Dr Emily Nagoski who wrote come as you are . Writes about the dual control model of sex (calling it sex drive isn’t actually accurate). We both have a sexual accelerator (gas) and sexual inhibitor (break) systems. Men tend to have sensitive gas panels and women tend to be more sensitive to the brakes. If you both find out what’s hitting her “breaks” (not feeling safe, poor self image, feeling lost, etc) and work on that the sex will improve.

Evolutionary phycology isn’t real science, and is just theoretical bs that sounds good. The truth is women and our sexuality have been treated for to long like men sexuality lite. We love sex just as much as men do we just operate differently and have different sensitivities. We are a lot more sensitive to context in our environments than men are.

I had hemorrhoids and my gastroenterologist remove them painlessly. They have kind of rubber bands that wraps around it and it just basically chokes off the blood supply in falls off. And it was no big deal and I have not had any trouble since.

rubber band ligation

This is an amazing book and it has really helped me a ton. I love words of affirmation too, it's Admiration in the book. I told my guy to skip to that chapter but he's actually enjoying the whole thing.

Each chapter has a great example, and what you're writing matches the examples perfectly.

I think spouses do that a lot, "now that we're married, I don't have to do that chit-chat thing with you, I already know everything about you!" and woosh, pleasant conversation that women enjoy for bonding goes out the window.

"I don't have to pretend I like fishing with you!" etc etc.

"All that romance stuff" that made you fall in love with him goes out the window, and it's obvious that you're falling out of love with him

Here's his website and a TLDR but yeah, your hubby is insisting on only having his needs for sexual fulfilment met and that's some selfish bullshit that will end badly.

First, read Come as You Are, preferably together. Second, start believing the best of your wife, and her intentions, instead of second guessing her motives, or assuming that she's lying to you. That is going to mess up your sex life, and your marriage, faster than anything else.

Just FYI, Sex at Dawn is a seriously dishonest piece of crap. Yes, it's entertaining, but the supposed "science" in it is all lies and the claims about evolution are bullshit.

It's so bad that the researchers cited in the book have denounced it for misrepresenting their work and twisting or falsifying their results.

A much better alternative is <em>Sex at Dusk</em>, which documents the lies in Dawn, and also provides a well-written description of the current state of research on human sexual evolution. It turns out that the real work in the field is much more interesting than Ryan's crappy hash-up.

BTW, this has nothing to do with being pro- or anti- monogamy, polygamy, or polyamory. But you don't have to build a stack of lies about evolution to make a case for any of those.

For more on this, I recommend u/greynob's masterful reply to something Christopher Ryan wrote elsewhere. It concludes:

> There's nothing wrong with a poly lifestyle. But you go a lot further and falsely claim that "science" somehow proves that poly is the only right choice and that monogamous marriage is a damaging and immoral alternative.

> And that's nonsense. "Science" shows overwhelmingly that, as Dr [Emily] Nagoski said,

> > Human sexuality is not designed to function in open relationships any more than its designed to function in socially and reproductively monogamous relationships. What human sexuality is DESIGNED to be is massively variable, plastic, adaptable, and diverse. ALL of it is “natural” – and that’s all evolution can tell us.

me too! This is highly possible - also, wand sessions generally last significantly longer than I am comfortable having intercourse. I have had partners that could figure it out and some who couldn't - it's just easier when I do it.

I'm a sex toy addict. I love researching them, trying new ones, seeing the new and "weird" stuff that's out there. Also love intercourse. High sex drive, low frequency of orgasms during sex without toys.

A previous partner and I would switch whose "turn" it was. Usually, we would both get off, but if it was his turn, I was firstly focused on his pleasure, and vice versa for my turn. It's extremely difficult/next to impossible to focus on giving and simultaneously allowing yourself to fully feel pleasure. She may be a giver too and have a harder time trying to 'turn off her brain'. I found it much easier when it was explicitly stated to (despite my nature) not worry about pleasing him for the moment. When it was my turn, we didn't always have PIV.

Maybe something worth trying!

A second thought - these two hands-free toys can be used during. May not be her thing but I thought I'd share anyways

the 'egg'

butterfly

cheers

Shaving is probably the worst way to remove genital hair FYI. Waxing is much healthier but it's best to have a professional do it, which can be kind of expensive.

Some of the people I know who are big into being hairless swear by this stuff: https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Shave-Shaving-Powder-Gold-5/dp/B00HDONBX4/ It's a bit like Nair lite, but it comes as a powder and you mix it up yourself. Just be careful and don't leave it on too long, because it can burn your skin.

I'm going to second the poster who suggests that you try out anything you are considering asking her to do before you ask her to do it. This has the added benefit of you being able to troubleshoot for her, so you can back up your request with helpfulness.

Holy shit this has more red flags than a communist propaganda parade.

This guy is abusive and controlling. You may not see it yet because it’s early and I’m sure he has also been fun/sweet/a good time/whatever. But his reaction to you being proactive in sex is a ‘fuck that nuke this asshole from orbit’ situation.

Who in gods green hell gets mad at you’ve sex partner shifting or helping to become more accessible? Does he prefer fucking starfish corpses? That he is getting irrationally angry about you offering a helping hand or shifting position is just so fucked up I can’t even fathom.

Also the comment about you being loose is bullshit and has r/badwomensanatomy written all over it.

There’s a book I like to recommend to young women, I think you should check it out too called The Gift of Fear it’s about how to recognize when you might be in danger, how to identify if someone has abusive or manipulative tendencies, how to trust your gut (we women often ignore and second guess our instincts). It’s an easy read and will give you a lot of food for thought.

I’m sorry this happened to you. This wasn’t your fault. Do not for the love of all things that are good go back to him. He’s an asshole.

My wife just bought this for me https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H8SV4V4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_uLOOCb42GXNZR my wife is pretty particular that not much in terms of sexy clothes for men get her aroused or do much for her. But she was excited to order this.

If this is something you're really concerned about, you could invest in a very affordable bidet seat for your toilet

This will spray and help clean your ass a lot more than using TP. These are very common in Asia and formal bidets are found throughout Europe. Feels good, cleans good!

Definitely read into the concept of Responsive Desire, or even just read the full book Come As You Are. It's helped me a lot in a somewhat similar situation.

My wife and I had a minor blowup a month or so ago. I felt for a very long time that she was just "indulging" me in sex and didn't really want it, despite us having a very active sex life. I thought that since she wasn't chasing me around begging for dick, she wasn't attracted to me.

Instead, she's just a lot more reactive than proactive compared to me. The best analogy I was given was popcorn. You can really like popcorn, but you might not think about popcorn all the time. But when you smell that fresh popcorn smell, the butter, hear it popping, walk into a movie theater, or something else that triggers that popcorn urge, you can really enjoy it.

My perspective was way off, and my understanding of sex drive or libido was uninformed. You can look at a couple of my early threads here if you want.

Norelco Bodygroomer

https://www.amazon.com/Philips-Norelco-Bodygroomer-BG7030-49/dp/B07H41JQVR/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=IOSJVW0CWJ0V&amp;keywords=norelco+bodygroom&amp;qid=1556041598&amp;s=beauty&amp;sprefi

As others have said, lotion or lube. I know that you can get single packets of coconut oil. Great for keeping in a purse, or tucked away for spur of the moment inspiration.

Also, if your partner tends to have a lot of precum, slowing working that down can be enough to keep things slick.

Boxer briefs are so much sexier than regular boxers. I recently bought my husband these. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B075SSKPBX/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1 and he looks so hot in them. He loves the way they look and feel. I am always shopping for sexy boxer briefs for him.

Consider purchasing the book "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski for her. I think it could be helpful if she's receptive. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1982165316/ref=cm_sw_r_u_apa_glt_fabc_2W5KTTBS55HFZQS1RFTH

Yeah, if my vagina was burning with every encounter, I don't think I'd be too amped up for sex either. That'd take me out of the mood real quick.

I'm including the links so you can look at ingredients and read reviews, but I personally have loved Penchant Premium lube and Isabel Fay lube. Both are condom-safe, don't contain glycerin, are good for sensitive skin, and perform really well.

Mannnn their is so much wrong with your statements I don’t know were to start but let me try....

First, women love sex as much as men. We’re just different. 80% of men (and 15% of women, me included) have what’s called spontaneous desire. We can get aroused just thinking about sex. However 70% of women (and 20% of men) have responsive desire type. Meaning they’re desire is dependent on environment.

Also sex isn’t a drive, it’s more a dual control model. Like the gas and breaks on a car. Men are generally more sensitive to the gas, women are more sensitive to the breaks. This makes sense because sex is more risky for women.

Hormones don’t have any affect on desire for women, with rare exception of some birth controls lowering it.

All of what I said and more can be found in comes as you are. I would suggest you read it. It’s the best book on female sexuality out there. I and my husband both have spontaneous desire and he works to make sure my brakes aren’t triggered so we have awesome sex 6-9x a week (even after 16 years together). You don’t have to live with a dead bed.

You and your husband should both read the book Come as You Are. There could be a hormone issue, or you may just have responsive desire.

As far as lowering your inhibitions without relying on alcohol, check into CBD oil. It doesn't get you high, or make you mentally addled at all, but it does relax you.

If the sounds of sex squick you out enough to lower your enjoyment, it might be time look into some therapy. This is something that you can learn to be okay with.

Let me suggest this amazing book that talks about just this issue. Emily Negowski wrote this book to women for women. Emily also wrote a follow up to this book. Breaking the stress cycle or something. It also comes in audiobook. Please check it out. This information is so key for us men to understand. I had so many issues with the “breaks” in my last marriage that it just drove us a part. If we have language around these things then we can communicate better on how to overcome it.

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476762090/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Y9jWCbNY987XP

Also, female sexual boredom is a real thing! Dr. Wednesday Martin talks about this a lot!

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/women-get-bored-sex-long-term-relationships/582736/

Try reading She Comes First as a start. After that, be sure that you're paying attention to how she responds to you when you're going down on her. Not every woman is going to like it the exact same way, and even with the same woman, what works will not always be the same thing depending on a lot of factors. Learning to read her body language and the sounds she makes will help guide you in knowing when she's enjoying what you're doing or when you need to change it up. Lastly, don't make orgasm the point of the oral, not every woman is able to come that way, but it stills feels good. Pleasure, without pressure to come, should always be the focus of any sexual activity.

People here mention varies forms of encryption for storage but that completely misses the point.

It is possible to use your phone securely for this purpose, just don't use anything 'cloud' related.

My advice would be to use Signal by Open Whisper Systems. This app is secure enough to use by political dissidents and investigative journalists all over the world, it should be secure enough to hold your nudes. You can take pictures right within the Signal app and then send them to your loved one. You can then even have the pictures self destruct on a timer which is fun. It supports text messaging, video messaging, picture sharing etc.. everything is end to end encrypted so nothing can be intercepted.

The only caveat is that if your device itself is compromised there is nothing Signal or any encryption software can do to protect your data. Encryption only works to secure content in transit or at rest. Data that is 'in use' is potentially susceptible to malware.

Technically here is what makes using Signal more secure than other apps.

1. End to End Encryption with PFS (perfect forward secrecy) This means key exchange is done securely and belongs to the device itself. There is no middle man who has the keys to decrypt your messages.
2. Open source which has been audited by expert cryptographers to make sure the app does exactly what it says it does. Other apps are closed source meaning we don't know if there is a backdoor or not.
3. You can protect Signal with a password which also encrypts the storage used to store your message history and files related to communication.

It's not this exact one but this is basically it

We also have a "sleeve" style attachment that is open on both ends. It's seems like a good idea but that one doesn't do it for me. I prefer the "head cover" style like in the link. I am far from huge but the sleeve one is too snug to actually move up or down and the shaft is not as sensitive to the vibes.

This is what I was going to recommend. We have about 5 mats that we use. They are way cheaper than the fancy sex blankets and are soft and quiet! Something like these: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00M0PRKRE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_mQdNBbDJ15X4C

We recently (literally) destroyed a platform bed with dresser drawers built in that I got from Wayfair so I did a bit of research. I have very limited space and don't place great importance on aesthetics. I got this bed from Amazon. I got the full size portable version that came in two folded pieces and required nearly zero assembly - just unfold and link the two frames together. It's cheap, it's effortless, it's solid, and it's quiet. I have a memory foam mattress so I put plywood down but THAT kept banging against the wall. I solved that issue with a pool noodle. Good luck.

>Did sex get better/worse/different after you hit 30? 40? 50? 60?

>To what do you attribute that?

Oh my gosh, sex is so much better now that I'm 50. "They" say that takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert at anything, right? (Yes, I know, this is controversial.)

I attribute the difference mostly to practice. Sex is a learned skill.

>Did something/someone make you change your approach to sex?

Yes, I'd never had gentle, affectionate, intimate sex until my current partners and I fucking love it. That's the way they like to do it. What changed for me was having sex with several new partners (after a long, long monogamous relationship) and realizing that men over 30 are all so different from each other in the kind of sex they like to have. Some ways of doing it don't work for me, but others are just ecstatic.

>If you could talk to your 20s-30s self, what advice would you give?

I don't really have any advice for my 20 year old self. I think I did alright. Sex wasn't that great, although it felt great at the time. My partners and I just needed more experience to get good at it, so that was all part of the process.

I have advice for myself a couple of years ago, when my marriage was falling apart though -- There are so many wonderful men out there! Don't be afraid that no one will ever want you again because you're too old. Splitting up is really hard and painful, but there are some big upsides as well.

You're going to get to try lots of new things (and people). Some of it will suck, and some will be amazing. Just get out there, take some risks, and be open to whatever happens in the moment. Say "Yes" a lot.

Care about the men you meet. Don't be suspicious or bitter or guarded. Even when things don't work out, be as kind and honest as possible.

Have fun.

sexy self-care stuff like massage oil, or bath gel ( Lovebath Ocean Temptations Bath Gel: Amazon.ca: Clothing &amp; Accessories) or kama sutra honey dust Kama Sutra Vanilla Creme Honey Dust, 6 oz: Amazon.ca: Health &amp; Personal Care

I bought this one king size from Amazon and two years later, LOVE IT. It can take a serious pounding and doesn’t move at all.

Zinus Kellen Upholstered Scalloped Button Tufted Platform Bed with Wooden Slat Support / Design Award Finalist, King https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XGP6DXH/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_eQ5qsOovMYB8F

I’m very very sensitive and the water based original lube from lube life is my favorite. It’s water based, no fragrance, no glycerin nothing that disrupts the ph balance, stays slick and doesn’t get sticky.

https://www.amazon.com/LubeLife-Personal-Lubricant-Lube-Couples/dp/B075SN1MY9

u/razzordragon

> Get an inexpensive folding massage table. (Under $100 on Amazon, the best investment in good sex you'll ever make.)

The truth of this humble statement by u/TantraGirl cannot be underestimated. Missus and I bought one for $80 bucks and it is absolutely the best sex toy we ever bought. To put that into perspective, we've been together 40 years and introduced toys into our sex inside the first six months. We bought the massage table 2 to 3 months ago and it absolutely rejuvenated and supercharged the intimacy of our sex sessions. We don't practice trantric or sensate focus techniques per-say but the table did create the space where we slow down, touch and feel each other, and take time to bring the extra pleasures of caressing and massage into our love making. The table is the best money we ever spent on our sex life. We also had this book on massage some 30 years ago and found it very useful as well.

>Do you seriously just pop them up and off you go?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: You wet the sponge in the sink and squeeze out as much water as possible. Squish it up tiny and insert high in your vagina, but below the cervix. Wash up your vulva and you're ready to go.

>Do they absorb all of your natural lubrication? So extra lube required?

I haven't needed extra lube, but I lubricate "too much", so some women might. The sponge is high up in your vagina, and lubrication comes from the vaginal walls, so I don't think it should absorb most of it. Also, you wet the sponge with water before inserting.

>Does your partner feel them? My SO occasionally says he feels my IUD strings.

My partner hasn't noticed the sponge. The texture of it is a lot like vaginal tissue. Your partner might feel it, but that shouldn't be a problem unless you're hoping to use them without him knowing about it.

>Anyone got a link for them? Pref uk 🇬🇧 if poss.

I purchased mine at the pharmacy, in the cosmetic area, but here they are on Amazon.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=kegel.kegelexercises.pelvicfloor.pfm

I'm on android. I know it says "for women" but when you first open the app it asks if you're a man or woman.

There's another more popular one on the app store but I liked this one more.

I think you're not being over empathic about this and if you approach the subject the wrong way there is a real risk of her taking it badly. I do also think that you could bring up the subject in some way that should work - maybe talk about that neither of you have to orgasm every time you have sex?

In the mean time what you could do to minimize clean up is getting some sheets like these (https://www.amazon.com/Lux-Fetish-Vinyl-Bed-Sheet/dp/B008BZUS4E), not putting them around the mattress but simply on top of it (while covering most of it) and then putting one (or more as need be) towels over the latex sheet.

The towels will soak up most of the urine and whatever seeps through the vinyl/latex/rubber sheets will stop from getting on the bed and can be easily wiped off and the bed will not see a drop of urine.

Always the rails on the frame. The new platform bed doesn’t have posts so much Mellow Metal Platform Bed Frame... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NHSFFYB?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share I’ve thought about adding a non abrasive grip tape to the whole bottom rail

I'm 70+, and have similar issues. I have a soft silicone cock ring that works very well for me.

Stretch it (this style is soft and stretchy) and slide it onto your cock when you're erect. It also works well before you're erect.

The blood vessels that carry blood INTO the penis are pretty near the center, while the veins that carry blood out and back to the heart, are close to the surface. So blood goes in, no problem, but the ring SLOWS the blood getting back to the body. This set has three sizes; use the one that's snug, but not actually tight. If you're a big guy, you may need a different style.

ED drugs such as Cialis or Viagra relax the muscles around the blood vessels leading TO the penis and allow more blood IN, so the pill and the ring work together.

One trick that works for us; she kneels on the bed with her feet just over the edge. I squat down and lick her from behind; the view and the aroma could give a manikin an erection. It works for me, at any rate. Stand up, lube up and dive in.

u/Affection123, I just wanted to add a personal testimonial to Myex's advice. My husband and I did sensate focusing our first year together and it made a BIG difference in terms of making sex better as well as being more comfortable with casual affection.

Just a tip: get an inexpensive folding massage table. It makes SFT much easier. Amazon sells them for under $100, including shipping.

I've taken a natural product in the past called UT Fem. I was very suspicious of it because I tend to believe that most if this stuff is snake oil, but I figured wtf might as well give it a shot. It actually worked!!!

I take it periodically whenever we've been having a lot of sex in a short period of time (vacation, whenever I get back from a business trip, Sundays, etc) and also whenever I feel like I might maybe kinda possibly be getting a UTI. There's a distinct feeling, your gf probably knows. I take it for 1-3 days as the label instructs and symptoms immediately disappear.

I buy it on amazon but I'm sure it's available elsewhere too

UT-FEM UTI Solution - Help Eliminate a Urinary Tract Infection Quickly & Naturally - Designed Specifically for Women - contains D-Mannose & even more proven ingredients - 42 Capsules (1 Bottle) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00Q3EHUHS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_bSUnzbCT6G22Z

Emily Foster, the author, is the pen name Emily Nagoski uses when she writes fiction.

Want to read along? It's less than $5 if you have access to Amazon Prime, or $5.50 if you buy a used copy. (My library didn't have it.)

Congrats on the weight loss and the confidence boost. I also enjoy dressing up for my wife. I recently purchased a pair of black faux leather briefs, and I'm just as pleased as you with the purchase. Here's an Amazon link for those curious.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B072WP7LK7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_I9EAAbFH7YK0X

Now this is in my Amazon suggestions.

I can't lie, I might buy it.

Worth it to buy the Fleshlight toy cleaner. It lasts a long time and even though it is over priced it does a good job keeping your expensive fleshlight from trapping any bacteria and getting ruined. And it doesn't destroy the material like rubbing alcohol does.

I use a cheap sleeve style toy from Amazon more than my Fleshlights though because it is easier to clean.

https://www.amazon.com/Doc-Johnson-Super-Sucker-Masturbator/dp/B002X78EYC?th=1

I apparently bought from someplace other than Amazon, but I found an Amazon link. By the description I thought it would be a single use only item, but it was way nicer. It even came with the modesty pin, which tickled me pink with the absurdity of it, considering its purpose.

Sorry, not sure how I missed that.

Are you accidentally hitting your molars or is his dick so huge/your mouth so narrow there’s no way to avoid them? If it’s a size issue, the only thing I can think of would be to get some orthodontic wax - the stuff people put on their braces when they rub against the inside of their mouth. You can line your molars with that wax and if his dick hits them, it won’t be sharp at all. It’s cheap and you can find it any drug store, Amazon or even Target/Walmart (look in the oral care aisle).

The only downside I can think of is accidentally swallowing the wax, but I’m pretty sure it won’t hurt you since it’s designed for oral use.

Edit: Some brands sell mint flavor wax. I’d avoid that because it could irritate his penis. My source is an oral sex disaster involving breath mints.

We buy big jars of Nutiva virgin coconut oil from Amazon.

I don't know if it's the "best," but we've tried a lot of oils and haven't found any we like better.

It's cheap and convenient. It tastes and feels great. It doesn't get sticky. It's good for your skin and won't hurt your inner bits. And the way it goes from semisolid in a bowl to liquid on your skin in just seconds makes it really easy to handle.

(If you prefer a squeeze bottle, 30 seconds in the microwave will make the oil warm and clear.)

I like Signal Private Messenger, https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.thoughtcrime.securesms at the Google Play Store, or on the iOS App Store for your Apple devices. Also; end-to-end encryption of your messages.

Can you bring a Plethora of Pinatas

It's not sex related per se but The Willpower Instinct was fantastic. The general ideas in the book can be applied to all parts of life but in particular, those ideas involving the reward center of our brains have sexual implications that can't be ignored. I can't remember the last time a book has such a profound effect on the way I think.

This guy sells molds for casting replacement heads.

With a bit of modelling clay, plaster, and effort, making a custom attachment at home could be a fun project. Platinum cured silicone is apparently the stuff to use as it's safe for skin contact.

If you are exercising you need protein to rebuild the muscle fibers you are breaking down as well. So, I use Lose It, and it's easy and great. I'd just say check it out and see if you find it useful. Lots of great charts you can keep track of regarding carbs, sugars, protein, exercise, vitamins even, etc. if you are so inclined. You might LOVE it.

She cooks dinner for me, and generally pays attention to the stuff I like and don't. Sounds pretty basic, but it means a lot to me.

We are nerds together. It is awesome. We have more in-jokes than you can shake a stick at. I'm convinced there will come a day when we talk only in mutual in-jokes, obscure media references, and sarcasm.

She loves animals, and while she has taken it too far from time to time (stupid bird), generally I love that about her.

And sexy? Her ability to get out the door in 15 minutes if needed. Her ability to find what she needs in a store and then check out. Then there's her body, of course--I've told her what I think about when she bends over to check her fish tank (which you can probably guess).

Also she's creative. We met playing Shadowrun (the tabletop version, that is), and we're working on our very own setting for a different game.

I recently started using Affinity Photo on my iPad for travel. I may have to check out the desktop version.

I've been weaning myself off Photoshop because the Nik Collection plug-ins are dead. I've been using Luminar https://macphun.com/luminar on my Mac (Windows version ships Nov 1) because some of the Nik developers worked on it.

This is the one that we got, although everything but the cups are long lost. I don't remember there being a third one with ours, and that's a shame -- using three at once would be very convenient.

We love it. Took a long time to get my whole hand into her pussy, but patience, lube and most importantly communication.

A good guide book is: https://www.amazon.com/Hand-Bush-Fine-Vaginal-Fisting-ebook/dp/B00A6VK2FG

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We're now trying to fist my ass.

Sounds like my wife. She doesn't like the taste of my penis, but she will devour it when we use flavored lube. I recommend the Wet Flavored brand. This one is her favorite.

There's a subreddit called /r/RuinedOrgasms , the idea is that just before you cum, you stop all stimulation. You might still squirt a bit. And after a short pause you can continue. With practice you could probably do this 5+ times.

Another tip is to find a tantra teacher in your area, and go as a couple there and learn how to do the foreplay with intimacy, touching and massage. As you learn you they can teach you things like full-body non-ejaculatory orgasms. It seems far fetched, but some guys managed to achieved regularly.

If you want to start slow, try reading the book Tantric sex for men. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003ZHVB6W/

Butt plugs (I prefer this one since it's very simple) would really do the magic for that. When it comes to pleasuring the clit though I think this magic wand will really put itself to good use. It's fun to combine and use both to intensify the pleasure.

Boyfriend just got me this for exactly that application: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07YVQC4DR/

Rechargeable, so easy to use (no cord in the way). Waterproof, so fun in the tub, and easy to clean. Powerful enough to get the job done. Very happy with it.

Our last two bed frames had headboards and the squeaking became unbearable. We’ve been using this one from amazon and I absolutely love it! It’s so sturdy!

I bought an inexpensive glass dildo from amazon for my girls. It's currently under $15us with free shipping. When I found it it was a Prime item. This listing has free shipping as well. The packaging is great, and I even use the inner foam piece in our toy boy to protect it.

Speaking of that, I fixed up a wooden "Keepsake box" to work as our toy box. We have a spare room in the basement that is our play area as it's the only King size bed in the house. We have our toys in a drawer by the bed, but I wanted something in the basement with toys just for the triad to play with. This is the first purchase.

The spiral ridge and overall shape and size was, shall we say, very well received by both women.

In the oldie but goodie category, we have a Wahl "Massager" that works very well for my wife, but is too intense for our GF. We also have a Hitachi magic wand that we've put a lamp dimmer on that we haven't tested with our GF as of yet. My wife likes it ok, but it'll be fun seeing if we can find a setting that does it for our GF. I do so love exploring with those two.

...Checking Amazon now...

Welp, that was a big fail. However, I did discover this:

https://www.amazon.com/Oh-Susannah-tonight-Pillow-Valentines/dp/B01A1I24KY/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1466388904&amp;sr=8-2-fkmr2&amp;keywords=oh+fuck+bandage

Oh, cool! I have two of these already on my amazon wishlist, but I'm going to add the rest now! Thanks so much!

I'm reading What Do Women Want? right now and so far, i'm really enjoying it. I'll provide a better review when I finish the whole thing!

I used to be a lights-off gal simply because the lighting in our bedroom was atrocious. Not too long ago, I bought a Himalayan salt lamp with a dimmer for my bedside table and I love it! I don't buy into the health benefits of the lamp, but the soft, warm glow is awesome and easy access to the dimmer switch without leaving my bed lets me adjust the light easily to my desired level. My husband has taken to calling it the "sex lamp". Sometimes when I go to bed first, I'll message him a picture of the glowing lamp as incentive to come to bed earlier :)

This is the one I ordered from Canadian Amazon, but it is on the US site as well: https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B002LZUE76/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1

I just posed this same question to a girl on gonewild because like I said there it seems the choice is off the rack sex shop or Gucci levels of madness price/quality. There's no good middle ground that I've seen. She pointed me to these on Amazon (fits the over 30 theme right? I'm assuming we all have prime here) if that's your thing. I want to see what other people have to add too though

E: a lot of the stores also seem to be Europeon in origin which isn't a problem as much as an observation on maybe the societal reasons for the lack in the states

Just an FYI, but check Amazon. We bought our table from there. It was like $75 and prime so 2-3 day delivery. My wife and I are "full figured" and it holds us no problem. Here's the link : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K0OW60I/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_xFPtybYHTVW77

Can't speak to the liberator but have definitely enjoyed this much cheaper alternative from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NGKWKS6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_879XAbNP7KFKM

Good firmness so you can maintain some leverage, but still comfy enough to not be distracting, definitely worth a shot for the price! ($31)

If you like memory foam style mattresses you can get a nice Queen or larger sizes 8-12" thick foam mattress from Amazon from around $200-400. Here is one for $250.

Once I started making my own yogurt, I’ve not bought any at the store since... the only ingredients required are a 1/2 gallon of milk and three tablespoons of yogurt.

Here is a useful link: https://amindfullmom.com/instant-pot-yogurt/

I usually set my IP to incubate overnight and then it’s ready in the morning. I typically have it go 8-9 hours... it all depends on how tart you like your yogurt.

If you want Greek yogurt then you either need some cheese cloth to strain it or something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Euro-Cuisine-Yogurt-Stainless-Strainer/dp/B00IMH7SJY/ref=pd_aw_lpo_79_tr_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=JHTSBVKV24TWCX960S69

I hope I’m not breaking a sub rule by linking to Amazon, but that is what I use to strain mine.

If you strain it then you can keep the leftover whey for making smoothies or any number of other things!

I hope this helps! Cheers!

Edit: also, come on over to r/instantpot

I think this has been posted before in another thread but anyone looking to dip toes without breaking the bank should check this out on Amazon. generic wedge for $20 you can’t go wrong. We ordered on and it’s awesome.

Sadly, not available in android. Closest I've found https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=centertable.advancedscalendar&amp;hl=en_US

We use the novel on one blade hybrid. It trims just about as close as a razor and shaving cream without the need for cream or the chance of Knicks.

https://www.amazon.com/Philips-Norelco-OneBlade-QP2520-90/dp/B01D328BG6/ref=asc_df_B01D328BG6/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312168145874&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=9182502503688656267&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvd...

I'm in a similar situation with my wife. I just got bondage tape, (sticks to itself but not skin and hair) but haven't had a chance to try it.

>It is a huge turn on, incredibly distracting when you’re supposed to be working

Ha ha ha yes, I know that feeling

>Since you’ve posted pics before do you have any advice/editing apps on how to blur out identifying marks?

I use an app called Pixlr for Android. It's easy(ish) to use and it has a pixelate brush that I use to blot out my tattoos, as mine are also pretty identifying. You can change the size of the brush and the amount of pixelation so that you can have pretty good control over the areas you want to blot out.

Aha, thanks for that!

Ah, I'm an Android boy, and that page just gives me a "Your request produced an error. [newNullResponse]".

I'll Google around a bit.

EDIT: Here we go - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.tmsl.trackmysexlife&amp;hl=en_GB&amp;rdid=com.tmsl.trackmysexlife

I use Relay for Reddit for Android, not sure if there's an iOS version. There's a free version and a paid version, the paid version has no ads and a few other neat features.

Pertinent to this sub it will automatically hide NSFW thumbnails by default :) It also automatically shows low def versions of images and videos when you're over cell signal to reduce usage.

I've been using it for years, I really like it.

Also neato on the post flair.

You may want to search for "quarter cup bras" as you do not really need the full cup and they tend to be pretty cheap.

Get these. Fill them with melted oil and then pop them in the fridge. If your bedroom stays cool enough, you can keep some nearby. When it comes time to play, pop one out. I’ve just directly inserted them into holes and let them melt during foreplay. Or you can melt them in your hands and spread them wherever necessary.

https://www.amazon.com/BNYD-round-Flexible-Silicone-Bottom/dp/B00IOW4LME/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1536597503&amp;sr=8-3&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&amp;keywords=pop+out+ice+trays&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=51IEQY%2B%2BUvL&amp;ref=plSrch

I know part of it is his eyes: his vision really sucks. So when he was forced to read in high school, I think it gave him all kinds of negative reinforcement.

He owns maybe a dozen books. Most of them are hiking guides, but one is one of those Disaster on Everest books, and the other is The Art of War. (I put it in with my philosophy books, next to my copy of The Prince. I think that says a lot about our relationship!)

That is fucking great! I especially loved the bit with the cat reading military strategy: it struck close to home. Mr. D isn't a big reader, and one of the few books that he owned when we started dating was The Art of War.

(One of the things that cracks me up: he brought The Art of War, and one of the few "philosophy" books I actually bought (instead of just borrowing from the library) was The Prince. (Yes, technically its satire, but it works great when you work in an all male, sexist af environment) so yeah: that's the philosophy of our marriage: Sun Tzu meets Machiavelli! )

Edit to add: &quot;I'm coming to save you!&quot;

Our Canon DSLR has a basic USB remote ability to hook up to a tablet using a special cable and Android app](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=eu.chainfire.dslrcontroller). Might be worth researching.

But full WiFi control rocks, that's what my Lumix has. My phone is in my hand as a viewfinder in the portrait shots, next to me in landscape shots.

The app by Sony is good. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.sonymobile.androidapp.audiorecorder

It might be better to use the default video app and tell users up upload to eroshare, unless you know a dirty friendly site for audio only.

Emily Nagoski is also the much-beloved author of a book by the same name, Come As You Are. It has been probably the most-recommended book on SO30 over the last 6 years.

Thanks for posting the link to her podcast. I'm glad to see that it's reaching people.

Cordless Wand Massager,... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WHD86P4?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share it has a lot of settings, I have it on one of the lower settings w/ a steady vibrations. The vibration “patterns” are usually either distracting or too much.

I’ll totally second this and add my personal favorite: ONE condoms Pleasure Plus (or Pleasure Dome. I like both) there is extra room at the head and with a drop of water based lube on the inside before putting it on, it adds an amazing amount of stimulation. My girlfriend and I both love them. She actually made a comment yesterday at the start of sex how glad she was that I had found that brand.

It’s my opinion that modern day porn availability has led to lots of men using the “death grip” while masturbating which can definitely lead to problems in the bedroom if condoms are not giving you enough stimulation.

One additional trick that I found to really help is to apply coconut butter to the head of my penis as a moisturizer to help combat desensitization.

Just my 2¢ as a similarly aged man who also lost a lot of weight and experienced some similar issues early in my relationship when normal condoms wouldn’t work. Wishing the best for you! Stay safe!

I'd go with something like that for starters with some silicone lube.

https://www.amazon.com/Silicone-Training-Beginners-Advanced-Prostate/dp/B08FSSMYZ5/ref=zg_bs_17891899011_sccl_2/142-0199613-9681553?pd_rd_i=B08FSSMYZ5&amp;psc=1

When my wife and I first started dating, she was very sexually conservative and wouldn't blow me bareback, so we were using these Durex flavored condoms for a while. Her favorite was the banana flavor, but I don't think they make that one anymore.

Apparently they used to at least have a 30 day money back guarantee if you didn't have an orgasm from it (exactly the situation this man is worried about) https://lifehacker.com/this-ridiculous-toy-will-give-you-one-of-the-best-orgas-1731096212

I was looking a few months ago but I'm not seeing anything now, and this article is from 2015

There are better reviews but I couldn't find one rn. The Womanizer (which pioneered the technology) is completely unlike traditional vibes. There are direct rip-off competitors now, some of which are quite a bit cheaper. The Satisfyer (sp?) has received very good reviews here too. I have a newer model Womanizer and it's great. I have great difficulties achieving goal and this really helps.

https://lifehacker.com/this-ridiculous-toy-will-give-you-one-of-the-best-orgas-1731096212

Beta-sitosterol has also been linked to reports of erectile dysfunction (ED) and loss of interest in sex.

https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-939/beta-sitosterol

But if it works for you, that's a different story.

https://www.amazon.com/Satisfyer-Generation-Air-Pulse-Clitoris-Stimulator/dp/B071CPR2V4

This is the one I have. I think it would be a great option for her. I really have to crank it up to feel it, so definitely would not be too much for her. It also gives me nice strong (and quick!) orgasms. It’s become my preferred toy.

He could train you to orgasm on command using a trigger phrase he said (orally) or typed.

One method to train you would involve the following:

1) train you to have nonstop, rolling/overlapping orgasms. One method for such training is outlined in Alan Brauer's book:

https://www.amazon.com/ESO-Lover-Extended-Sexual-Orgasm/dp/0446677620

2) while in that state of experiencing rolling/overlapping orgasms, repeat the trigger phrase, over and over, either writing in so that you can see it or saying it to you.

When I train a woman to do this (#2), I write the phrase, in chat, for ten minutes (along with supportive statements like, "Breathe. Good to breathe."). Then, I 'test' for about 20 minutes, to make sure the trigger phrase 'took'.