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Yes. The thing is, it's not real anymore. It hasn't been real since it ended. It only lives now in your head.
Now is the only thing that's real.
I strongly recommend Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now.
I've been around the block a few times and I hear the stories from people around me and these hit and run relationships are ruining it for a lot of people.
I can't even look at match.com because all my matches looks like liars, fakers, and I'm going to leave you laterers.
And to be honest with you, I'm not even a bad guy. Maybe I should go out do drugs, or drink at the bar and then maybe I might find someone that wont leave me.
#bs
1: Yes I've stayed no contact. It's only been one day since she dumped me though, so hopefully I remain no contact indefinitely until I heal. Ah and I hung out with a friend who took a snapchat of her and me and uploaded it to my story.. I made sure to delete my ex but I guess my profile was set to public so she saw it. I don't want to hurt her by showing off that I'm hanging out with other girls or anything. I just want her to ultimately move on and become happy as well.
2: As I've said it's been a day. But honestly I've been through an agonizing break up before so I know only time will heal these wounds. Almost sad that I will eventually forget these passionate emotions for my ex. Almost.
3: My pals are the best, they comforted when they heard the news. And my elders gave me wise advance regarding the existence of relationships. My pain is real, but I know that it's temporary.
4: I've begun reading "Think and Grow Rich" by Napolean Hill. It was given to me by a dear mentor and I want to spend the time I spent texting my ex to improve myself and become a better man. I have written and promptly deleted an email to my ex telling her how much I miss her etc etc etc. I cried hard for the first time since the breakup so it helped.
5: Not keen on books but I enjoyed Models by Mark Manson when I was just approaching the dating scene awhile back. It really taught me how to woo and get a girl, but I should've stuck to it longer because I didn't realize the tough stuff came AFTER you got into a relationship.
6: I tried my absolute best to be with her. I would've walked through hell and back for her. But she didn't feel the same way. My love fell on deaf ears and that is what stung the hardest. There was nothing I could've done differently. And I accept that. Right now, my mind is turning to weird ideas like praying to God and asking for miracles. I know I'm being silly. You don't have to tell me that.
This subreddit has really helped me rationalize my thought.
I recommend archiving. Take all the things he gave you/things that remind him of you, put them in a box, and put in somewhere you won't see it unless you want to. Delete or achieve (if the feature exists) social posts. If you can't bring yourself to delete photos, cloud them so they're not on your device.
And get ready for a big storm. For the first while, your brain will take everything you see and spin it back to him. It's going to hurt. Cry when you need to cry. It really is a chemical, biological release. Reach out to friends and family, particularly people who will let you ramble until you're blue in the face. Check out 7 Cups of Tea to find someone to listen for free or use Relationship Hero for paid, professional help.
I highly recommend going no contact.
And little by little, you'll get there. I'm only three days in myself, but I've gotten so much good advice from the people around me, including family, friends, and Reddit.
I'm on the other end, but your situation is hauntingly familiar. Part of why I did what I did, staying together but feeling and acting a bit off, was trying to find something to fix. I want so badly for there to be a problem that I can blame it on so that we can work it out and be happy again.
But, after months of thinking to myself and conversations with him, I know that's not the case. I would give anything to have those feelings back and end the nightmare, but I just can't. I can't will it, no matter how badly I want to.
I don't really have any advice, but I will say that she cares about you. It's just not the type that makes these things work out.
All we can do is batten down the hatches and endure the storm. Someday, it'll feel like a past life. In the meantime, use a support system. There's Relationship Hero, though it's a bit costly. You can also use 7 Cups of Tea for free.
I'm so, so sorry. I wish you the best of luck.
In terms of your issue with sexuality and emotion, do some research about the asexuality spectrum. I find myself identifying a lot with demisexuality, meaning you don't get aroused or attracted to someone unless you've built a strong, emotional bond. You'd think that's just normal, but that would poke a lot of holes in the logic of romance movies and dating apps.
As for everything else, I'm so sorry. It sucks. It's gonna suck for a while. Someday it won't, but it does right now. If you need someone to talk to besides this sub, check out 7 Cups of Tea for free or Relationship Hero for paid, more pro kind of help.
Good luck.
It happens man, been there for sure and then some. Focus on you, do something that makes you feel uncomfortable/get out and do hobbies with people. Don't "go chase" to get over her. Meetup.com etc is a good to find like minded people and potentially girls that are into stuff that you are. You can't magically "get over it" Feelings take time to heal and hurtful ones take even longer. Doesn't help that this is just salt in the wound, but realize its ok for you to feel down/frustrated/angry/hurt etc. Don't be hard on yourself and take it day by day. Strive for a girl that treats you great, but realize you need to be great too, so work on yourself, spread good karma and open your eyes when the dust settles.
Well one I think you need to accept you do miss him. If you just miss being in a relationship. Then you can probably fine "someone" new. Remember its better to have loved and lost then never loved at all. If you really loved them then you need to accept their decision and be okay with letting them move on. Their happiness is important to you. As much as it hurts.
​
It hurts and it sucks. I still think of my ex most days. I loved her. I still think what if I didnt go see her that weekend. I have to remember that a relationship is to parts and if we broke up over something so small...then we never really had anything and it was already over.
​
You are strong. Someone else will love you because you are amazing. Right now you need to love yourself. Think about what great is in your life. I cant tell you knew the pain will go away. I cant tell you the day you feel okay the next day wont feel worse than the worst day. Just take it one day at a time. Start to go out and meet new people, I recommend meetup.com. I went to see a therapist in the beginning. You just need to do everything you can to go through the grief.
This may sound silly to you but I started meditating and learned how to handle my intrusive thoughts. It's helped me a ton! Here is a link to the page I'm using. https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app
You can add me on Wire private messenger, same username, and send a text whenever you're thinking about it. But I will probably challenge you to rethink it in unusual ways. I don't know if it'd help, but I suppose could help you get unstuck.
Right now what you need most is time. Relationships are an addiction and there's nothing you can do besides just wait out the withdrawal period until you're finally free. It'll hurt and drive you crazy, you'd do anything to make the roller coaster stop, but it will continue on relentlessly until you get to the end. The best thing you can do is just get through it and try to be in the best position possible when you finally get to the other side.
- Social Life: meetup.com is a great resource. You might also be surprised at how receptive old friends often are to reconnecting.
- Health / Appearance: have you thought about trying keto? On top of being effective, focusing so much on such a major dietary change has been a very welcome distraction with all my newfound free time. Once you reach your target weight, then get some clothes that fit well - just wearing the right size clothing is a huge style improvement for guys.
- Career / Housing: avoid making any major life decisions for the next while. The next long while. It differs for every person, but six months is a relatively safe distance. If your best friend or a relative were one week into trying to kick a cocaine addiction, would you advise them to think about their career or possibly moving? Don't do that to yourself.
- Mental State: See a therapist. Most people can benefit from that anyway. Don't be afraid to open up to any friends, old or new. Some people respond poorly to it, but for most it will help deepen the relationship. Just be conscious to cycle which friends you talk to about the depressing stuff so nobody feels like it's all you ever talk about.
Another important note: support groups like this one are a double edged sword. They can be helpful sometimes, but in moderation. If you find yourself spending a lot of time here, it may easily get to a point where it hurts more than it helps.
Meh, I'm loooooooong over that one now. That was way back in like 2011. Time really does heal lol Do you have any hobbies? Have you checked out meetup.com? Any good books you'd like to read?
Check out Susan Anderson’s book on healing from abandonment: https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=nodl_.
Hope you feel better man. You will get through this.
Man's Search for Meaning.
"Junk/Junky" by William Burroughs.
Both of them look at the "mundane", and where you find purpose, meaning and motivation to do whatever it is you want to do in life. If that is finding hope in a concentration camp, or becoming a heroin addict. They are both pieces of the same human puzzle from roughly the same time period (1950s-60s).
Hey mate, if you google it it should show up on Amazon :
So I got The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, but there's tons of different ones.
If you don't know which one, you can't get free PDF sheets online, just Google them
https://www.newharbinger.com/categories/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/B0843Q6FL8
I was in therapy for months even before the breakup was finalized, and continued it after the breakup. However I found talk-therapy (basically just rehashing my problems and emotions) wasn't really helping so I looked into therapists with additional tools or strategies for loss. I stumbled upon something called the Grief Recovery Method, which is a certification that therapists can get that teaches them to guide grievers through the process of, as they call it, "completing" their grief. The program is 7 sessions with homework assignments in between.
The program follows the Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman, which can be purchased for ~$20 and can be followed on your own if you can't afford the therapy. The first session and homework covered common myths surrounding grief including the one you identified in your post.
So far I've had 2 sessions which have helped me process the good and bad of my relationship, identify the many ways I've been affected by this loss, and deconstruct common unhelpful responses to grief. I'm looking forward to the remainder of the program which is supposed to provide tangible actions to take to begin the process of moving on from the loss. While time is important to heal, the authors say that what you do in that time is equally important.
I agree with your statement. I downloaded it about 3 days after a fucked up break up, from my ex who broke up because he couldn't communicate his needs. It was the worst decision I ever made. I eventually met someone but the constant mind fuck about your ex. What he's doing and the guilt alongside it. It just broke me. I work beside my ex so it made it even more difficult to see him everyday. In the end my ex breadcrumbed me and was vulnerable as I was and wanted so desperately to get back with him. I ended up hurting a guy who really didn't deserve it. The point is. You need to sit with your emotions.. as hard and brutal as they are. You can't make it go away by seeking connection with other people. It's just selfish and you are leading people on, who don't deserve it. I'm currently now single again as my ex who I got back with, decided 2 weeks ago to yet again break up with me than discuss the matter.
I'm taking time out to heal before I even think about going back to dating anyone. This time it's different. I'm super happy it happened because I can appreciate my own space and company. I don't have that urge I felt the last time. Just take care of yourself and what helped me to get over things was this. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Abandonment-Recovery-Workbook-Guidance-Heartbreak/dp/160868427X#
It was the best thing I ever read. I am currently re-reading it and taking better care of myself.
I recommend this book. It’s new and in the trenches with the hard stuff: You Can’t Stay There: Surviving a Breakup One Moment at a Time
I'm not done it yet but so far I like this, and looking ahead I think it will be good. It's been useful so far. It's not spiritual mumbo jumbo which a good amount of heartbreak self help seem to be. The author has a background as a counselor and does this professionally rather than a self-proclaimed expert or spiritual guru or something. So far it's had good practical advice and I think encourages the right mindset.
You Can’t Stay There: Surviving a Breakup One Moment at a Time by Jennifer klesman
YOU Can’t Stay There: Surviving a Breakup One Moment at a Time
Go seek therapy, it seems him cheating on you left you with some emotional trauma that you need to talk through. No one can tell you how to not have trust issues, alot of that is going to stem from insecurities and self esteem issues, so on top of therapy I recommend some books on self esteem.
This one being one I read to help me with my self-esteem issues:
My therapist is having me read a book called Coming Apart: How to heal your broken heart. And it is doing wonders for me… even has a section where it’ll have you do these projects to help you move on in a healthier way.
Coming Apart: How to Heal Your... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1642502987?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
In case you may want to try this.
How about a book? I finished one the other day about how to stop negative thinking (and other stuff). It was good! Take a look at it here maybe?
I know how you are feeling and I am sorry, I am going through the same thing...abandonment is a cumulative injury and when we go through it again all of the past pains come along with it. It IS a type of trauma. This book has literally been saving my life and can give far better advice than I could. Good luck on your journey, we will both be better people for this I really believe that!
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00G3L1BMG/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_29SXYMJD2PBXWHR1628M
But you're causing the very thing you fear the most. Don't you see that?
If this guy is so great, then this is a relationship worth fighting for. Have you done anything to try and get over this hump? Marriage counseling? Therapy? Read any books on how to build trust with your partner? I feel bad for you but I also feel bad for your partner because it seems like he's giving 100% but isn't getting it in return. I'm not saying that is your fault necessarily. You've been through something traumatic and it has left its mark, but that's not because of him either.
Try this. I still use this book to this day.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0609805797/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_8FG7AXV5Z4TB3VS955XG
It seems like no one wants to another person to be self aware about it. If your friends saw that you had drastic changes in eating and sleeping habits, weren't keeping clean, stopped working as hard, didn't make an effort to socialize…essentially, if they saw you falling into a depression over him, I'm confident that they would tell you to separate from him. It's because you know this right off the bat that they think you're selfish. And I think part of that comes from a personal fear they have of, "What if my most important person decides I'm too much? No, she's just selfish."
You are not selfish.
And there are resources online, free ones like 7 Cups of Tea. It's like Tinder except instead of a date, you're looking for someone who is willing to listen to you. As for financial problems, if he's a student, there should be someone at his school that can help him with that. And I'm a huge fan of Dollar General and their coupons app. And if he has a job right now, he has experience he can use to get a better one. Target offers benefits to its employees that includes 3 free therapy sessions. My point is his situation is not entirely hopeless. He can do this, and that's partially because he has to.
Also, a head's up - My activity on this thread will most likely taper off after a couple days. I don't use Reddit so if you reach out or comment/ask a question and I don't reply, please don't be offended! I just wanted to share this information in case anyone benefits from it and it helps them start their journey. :)
And, if anyone is interested, I've use art as therapy to help myself heal through my own traumas. It's been an amazing outlet. I've done this by creating a low fantasy web comic inspired by my Slavic heritage called Jarzebiny. Check it out!
Look for Eternal Sunshine, an extension for Chrome. You can block people by their facebook ID. Good part is, you can turn this feature on for now, and then when you've gotten over the whole situation, you can turn it off and be normal again. :)
Go here: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/feekljflolojpmfccnopoppafimmmlbg
I'm so grateful to know your story as well. You are approaching this with the utmost clarity, resolve, and maturity. It gives me hope, because I really believe that you are going to be ok. The irony of being hard on oneself is that it comes from a place of love. When we care deeply, we hold ourselves to standards that we don't even hold to others. However, then you find that your greatest power is giving away yourself too easily, until you are only an empty shell. I recently re-discovered the Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. It's a perfect allegory for how I continually fail, even though I am giving my all. Perhaps you can relate? https://www.slideshare.net/wicaksana/the-giving-tree-3293089
I'm also in that messy place of re-calibrating and re-establishing. I resonate with the statement that putting oneself out there only amplifies the loss, because we are so used to operating with him there. It's so lonely, because something is perpetually missing no matter what you do.
I don't have clear-cut goals like you have outlined. Thanks for the inspiration. I do know that I need to learn how to set personal boundaries, and regain a sense of self-worth independent from the relationship. How one does this? I'm not really sure. Too bad there isn't a manual to navigate heartbreak. Reading and writing help temper the strong feelings. Nothing makes me happy right now, because I can't share it with him. I can find peace in certain things. That's as good as it gets at the moment. I still don't believe on a cellular level that I am better off without him. I'm just not there yet, nor do I want to be. The hardest lesson for me is realizing that even though I am capable of loving deeply, it's entirely ineffectual. I'm trying to figure out why. A lack of self-love? Who knows? Feel free to reach out anytime as well.
People get married at all ages. Don’t settle
https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Settle-Marry-Were-Meant/dp/1504368096
Wanting to check on him, talk to him, and just know what's going on is a habit that's almost impossible to break. What you have to do is find the things he gave you in other people, like friends or family or Reddit (I don't mean a rebound). If the pandemic or distance Kees you from them, check out 7 Cups of Tea to find someone to listen for free or use Relationship Hero for paid, professional help.
All you can do after that is ride the feelings out. You'll have a peaceful minute here and there. Then, maybe a peaceful ten. And slowly, those moments where you still miss him but you feel okay will grow. And then you'll feel okay without missing him.
My breakup is only a couple days old, so I can't say I feel all of that yet, but I've gotten so much good advice from IRL people and Internet people, and I'm starting to feel like I can.
I also recommend no contact. It hurts like hell, but it's necessary. If she doesn't want to get back together, it's time to move to the next stage of grief. No more denial.
If you need someone to talk to, check out Relationship Hero for pro, paid help. You can also use 7 Cups of Tea to find a regular listener without charge.
I'm sorry, good luck, and you'll feel whole again, someday.
I know with me, I didn't want him to know that I was having doubts until I was absolutely sure. I didn't want to put him through pain that wasn't necessary. The thing that pushed me to do it wasn't a fight, though. By the time someone's ready to do it, they've been gone in their heads for a while. She just got a head start. You'll follow soon enough. Until then, cry whenever you need to. Watch lots of movies. If you're struggling to find support in people you know, check out 7 Cups of Tea. I'm so sorry. I don't feel like it's going to get better either, but I don't think everyone out there is lying to us.
Look, you should be in good working order mentally before dating. No one has to be (nor can they be truely be) at 100% with their mental health, but if you've got self-esteem issues that impact your love life, then you should be in talk therapy to help iron our your thoughts and CBT to help counteract the negative ones.
Once you feel more stable as a solo person, you should feel more safe to open up yourself to someone new. If you're still holding you're ex on a pedestool, you can quietly keep that too yourself until your feelings for the new person continue to develop... don't treat them like shit, but it's okay to recover in your own time I'm your own private life. And if you don't have big enough feelings for them, you can respectfully move on.
There's a podcast called The Savage Lovecast which is about sex and relationships advice, the most recent episode might be useful for you. There's a call towards the end of the episode about a gay guy who's in love with a demi-sexual. It touches on what you're stressed about, give it a listen I reckon
https://castbox.fm/x/1P2Qo
Good luck. I'm hurting too. Thats why I'm on the sub. We are strong, we will get by.
Yesterday I read this book and it opened my eyes — Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love.
https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139
I have an anxious attachment type and my ex has avoidant. It explains EVERYTHING to me and that’s why we never were good for each other.
Maybe after reading you’ll open your eyes on your ex too.
Stay strong.
I think the best thing for you is to maybe use a dating service like match.com. Maybe message a few of the people that you find interesting.
I think if you do this then there is a good chance you won't be single for a long time.
This is great advice - thank you.
found the book and have it on my list
As for AA, I didn’t want to quit but I was in a very particular corner of it that I came to realise was extremely controlling - sponsors literally run just about every aspect of our lives - and I got to a point where I just couldn’t handle it. I was constantly told I should be happy or must be doing something wrong and my heartbreak was chalked up to pure ‘self pity’.
I tried to attend as many meetings, call as many newcomers as I could, but it didn’t get better and eventually I just felt like the odd one out. Sharing my ‘gratitude for the programme’ felt like a lie I was being forced to tell, and whenever I deviated slightly from the script I was subtly reprimanded by being accused of not having prayed beforehand. I just couldn’t stand it any longer.
But now, exactly as I expected, I’m alone without the support structure I’ve had for over a year feeling like an utter failure for quitting.
I’m just completely lost - I wanted it to work so badly. Just like I wanted my relationship to work, just like I wanted my career to work. None of them are and I’m painfully aware the common denominator is me.
Question is whether this is just some terrible bad luck, or - as my sponsor so often reminded me - it’s that my brain is broken and I can’t change my perspective without an outside opinion.
This message is cheesy, but you might enjoy it. Just enjoy the experience.
Just think about what things you want to accomplish and who you want to become. In fact click these two links while you think about it. I'm sure you'll understand the person you have the ability to become. Self-respect is when what you are doing or working on aims towards becoming this person.
Click these links, stay a while and reflect. Deckard Cain is up in your head ready to offer advice, but he can only do it once you give him a target to advise you on. You have to stop everything and figure out who you are and know what targets you want to aim at.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvvXsreyo30 http://www.rainymood.com/
heartbreak anniversary
This one's musical arrangement is just amazing. If you are a musician, you can learn it here.
This was something I had read a while back that ironically now is providing a lot of clarity during my breakup. At the very least it may help you learn about yourself for the next go around.
This other one I am just about to start, so no promises that it's going to be any good but if you're looking to stop idealizing a relationship that has ended and be at peace with moving on it might be a good option.
This isn't a joke, either, but the thing about that craving. It's a storm. It will pass.
My favorite book, The Boy, the Fox, the Mole, and the Horse, helped me learn that lesson.
I wrote it, so I'm a little biased but here's the link and I think you can read a sample: https://www.amazon.com/Solidarity-Finding-solidarity-heartbreak-depression/dp/B08BW8KW4C/ref=tmm\_pap\_swatch\_0?\_encoding=UTF8&qid=1594151647&sr=8-1
You're not blind, it isn't mentioned there. The book I read is called "Attached":
https://www.amazon.ca/Attached-Science-Attachment-Find-Keep/dp/1585429139
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ishafoundation.app
There's different types of meditations in yoga section of the app, I recommend doing the Isha kriya guided meditation. It's only 12 minutes
Also, you just have to prepare yourself for the aftershocks. Storms will arise in which grief overwhelms you. If you can remember that they're storms which will pass, it will help.
There's a great book which isn't about breakups, exactly, but about emotional health: The Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse. I couldn't recommend this book more strongly. 46k+ reviews and it's still at 5 stars. That speaks for itself.
It's beautifully written and every page has an important lesson about simply existing.
I think of it because that's one of the lessons: storms pass.
This was one of the Buddha's big realizations: nothing lasts. Nothing.
You are on a journey and it has nothing to do with your ex. It is about you.
Now that we've covered ourselves. :)
Reality is no one knows the future. That's one of the big things dumpees have to realize. We're having fun, but seriously. That's one of the big fallacies people who consider killing themselves fall into. The Power of Now is a great introduction to this issue.
I know it might seem like you will never get over the heartbreak, but you absolutely will. I'll be honest it will take time and conscious effort, but if you stick with it you will overcome the pain! After going to a tough heartbreak myself and having put myself back together, I decided to write a book that outlined the process of my recovery in hopes that it helps others who are dealing with a similar situation. Many people have encountered or will encounter heartbreak in their lives, I know I certainly have and the method I outline in the book has changed my life after heartbreak and has truly helped heal from a deep wound. If you are in a toxic relationship and contemplating leaving but are afraid to feel lonely or heartbroken, or if you are currently broken up from a relationship I believe you can benefit tremendously from my book. You can find the book by clicking on this link : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MVB1VJL/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=heartbreak&s=digital-text&sr=1-6. The book is available on kindle and it’s titled “How to heal when Heartbreak is real: 10 effective ways to heal and bounce back better than before”.
I know it might seem like you will never get over the heartbreak, but you absolutely will. I'll be honest it will take time and conscious effort, but if you stick with it you will overcome the pain! After going to a tough heartbreak myself and having put myself back together, I decided to write a book that outlined the process of my recovery in hopes that it helps others who are dealing with a similar situation. Many people have encountered or will encounter heartbreak in their lives, I know I certainly have and the method I outline in the book has changed my life after heartbreak and has truly helped heal from a deep wound. If you are in a toxic relationship and contemplating leaving but are afraid to feel lonely or heartbroken, or if you are currently broken up from a relationship I believe you can benefit tremendously from my book. You can find the book by clicking on this link : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MVB1VJL/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=heartbreak&s=digital-text&sr=1-6. The book is available on kindle and it’s titled “How to heal when Heartbreak is real: 10 effective ways to heal and bounce back better than before”.
Hey so sorry to hear you have gone through this! I know it might seem like you will never get over the heartbreak, but you absolutely will. I'll be honest it will take time and conscious effort, but if you stick with it you will overcome the pain! After going to a tough heartbreak myself and having put myself back together, I decided to write a book that outlined the process of my recovery in hopes that it helps others who are dealing with a similar situation. Many people have encountered or will encounter heartbreak in their lives, I know I certainly have and the method I outline in the book has changed my life after heartbreak and has truly helped heal from a deep wound. If you are in a toxic relationship and contemplating leaving but are afraid to feel lonely or heartbroken, or if you are currently broken up from a relationship I believe you can benefit tremendously from my book. You can find the book by clicking on this link : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MVB1VJL/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=heartbreak&s=digital-text&sr=1-6. The book is available on kindle and it’s titled “How to heal when Heartbreak is real: 10 effective ways to heal and bounce back better than before”.
Yeah its an app. Im on android so i dont know whats available on apple. I've been using habitbull(just called 'habit tracker' on play store) if you only want to track a few, it needs a subscription to track more than 5 activities. Ive also used loop habit tracker its totally free and really easy to use and can track a lot. Id recommend looking at both but there is plenty out there.
Ive been using them to take care of myself too. Making sure i drink enough water, wash enough, get up at a reasonable time, etc. All helps towards self care.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.isoron.uhabits
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.oristats.habitbull
Np. I think a great book to give her would be “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken”
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Called-Breakup-Because-Broken/dp/0767921968
I read it online in pdf format and it focuses on acceptance and has so many funny anecdotes and covers all the crazy things we do to ourself or thoughts we have during a breakup. So validating to be like — oh, ok. So at least I’m not the only one. It also focuses on recovery in the second half. So I plan on re-reading it again in a month or two but it was good to read it now and know what should come next.
It takes up enormous amount of strength to not give in to the temptation of contacting them and rather start a NC. I wish you more and more strength to continue as I'm in this with you too. I'm posting a link below for the same. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.rxbreakup Try this app.. I am currently using it for my no contact. See if this helps :)
you’re not doing anything wrong, the only “wrong” thing is being impatient. healing is nonlinear, and the more you’re emotionally invested, the greater you’ll be impacted and therefore take a longer time to heal. its good you’re crying, talking to someone about it. these are very healthy ways of acknowledging your feelings and then feeling them. its a lot better than many men who either sweep their emotions under the rug or go for a rebound rightaway because all these unhealthy distractions will just come back and bite them in the ass. also, dont give yourself a timeline, because you’re not in a race or a competition to see who’s gonna get there first. so be gentle on yourself and take alllllllll the time in the world to heal. you WILL get there, at your own pace. journaling can also help.
meanwhile check out this book, it helped me during my healing journey :
https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Again-Rediscovering-Relationships-Emotional/dp/0143133314
This book will help.
http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/l/lewis-love.html
And this book:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Essays-Love-Alain-Botton/dp/0330440780
but most of all, like all wounds... You need time. And time will help.
(these stats are based yesterday)
0) I guess be more active?
1) oh yes, i try my best to avoid her.
2) After a friendly date with a good friend of mine. I've been very happy lately.
3) Definitely
4) Finish some of my school and move out.
5) yes, i'm barely at home.(too many memories)
6) A photo of me and my friend.
7) I fall in love way too fast. I'm a hopeless romantic.
8) Just now =)
end of the day:
9) Play the guitar, go to church, finish my exams, and worked out.
10) Yes, i try my best to eat healthy everyday.
11) If playing the guitar is considered meditating . then yes.
12) Yes.. See above.
13) Amazing. Of course i still think about her but it's miles away from the start of the break up.
14) Yes, I've been reading the book mind over mood. Its a great book. It teaches you how to deal with your emotions by thinking differently. https://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1502886869&sr=8-1&keywords=mind+over+mood
15) I love being with people that loves me back. I should take it slow.
16) sigh, i fell in love again. I'm doing my best to take it slow. She's an amazing person. I'm planning to serenade her at the end of September
ps. Do you mind paging me when you make these threads? if that's ok =D.
I enjoyed doing this. You're a great person!
Some days almost killed me. Some days I almost, almost tried. But that's what reddit is for. You know in life, when you really need help most of the time you can find it. Either in someone else, or in yourself. You just end up doing what you need to, to get what you want.
Try reading this book, it'll help a lot:
https://www.amazon.com/Manifesting-Love-Attraction-Specific-Relationship-ebook/dp/B00AGKV59Y
I found a post on here with breakup advice. I can't find it again but the guy wrote a book. Even though it was for men being broke up with the healing advice really helped me. It's on Amazon for cheap too https://www.amazon.com/Breakup-Can-Break-You-Definitive-ebook/dp/B00QIGRJNQ
Oh I know man, I'm in your boat (not 7 years, significantly shorter but I thought it had a ton of potential). I know when people throw the "time heals all wounds" and "there will be someone else" statements at me I struggle not to roll my eyes. I'll probably be hitting the gym as well to get my mind off things.
Here's the link to the book on Amazon. It can help you in your personal and professional relationships as well. Good multipurpose book that's helped quite a few people. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-2-0/dp/B003MSCSD4/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1472789190&sr=8-1