What are /r/LifeAfterNarcissism's favorite Products & Services?

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When I had children, the thing that helped me was just to read all the parenting books I could find. I was determined to raise my child in a healthy way. I knew what not to do, but I didn't know what to do.

The book I used most was Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking. I know that some parents spank and some don't. I always had a fear in the back of my mind that I wouldn't know when too much was too much, so I never spanked.

Another thing I used a lot was a concept called Fighting Fair. It's aimed towards couples, but the principles work between parents and children.

I think that the two most valuable things I learned were what I call the Ten-Second Rule and the Walk Away.

Ten-Second Rule: Because my first reaction was to do what I knew and that wasn't good, I taught myself to just stop for a count of 10, then react. I can't tell you how many times that saved me. That 10 seconds gives you time to think, and concentrate on what you want your child to learn rather than yourself and your feelings.

Walk Away: From the time my children were small, I always had a safe place for them. The crib, or a playpen, or (when they were older) their rooms with a baby gate on the door. If I felt myself getting frustrated or impatient, I'd put my child in their safe place and walk away. Go to another room, cry for a minute, pace off my frustration, get a glass of water, relax and breathe. Whatever it took for me to get into a place where I wouldn't dump my feelings all over my kids.

I use multiple VPNs. If he's finding you via IP address, there are a fair number of useful VPNs. Proton VPN, NordVPN, and TOR are good, if your phone and computer have good antivirus. (If not, don't use TOR.)

But IP addresses are huge. In some places, they cover geographic areas that are fifty miles or more. What you probably want to do, is get a new email, and stop using the old one.

Check out the Writing to Heal program by Dr. James W. Pennebaker of UTexas. He has a book of the same name and several videos feature him.

The program is basically designed around a very simple exercise: over 4 days, writing about the thing that is weighing most heavily upon you for 20 minutes. Don't censor yourself, don't grammar check, just write. After this is over, treat this story as a narrative and write from a different point-of-view (e.g., write as if you were giving advice to someone else, or write the story in a distanced 3rd person).

The point is not that the negative self-talk gets destroyed; it is that it gets treated as an expression of an inner voice that is validated but kept from bogarting the forefront of your thoughts.

Mind you, Pennebaker is a social psychologist, so one of the advantages is that it's been put through some rigorous testing, experimental design, etc. In fact, the program is used among returning veterans to good effect.

This is something I'm still struggling pretty hard with. What really made a difference to me was the book "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns – it has a lot of great CBT techniques for handling your negative emotions well.

There's one particularly great worksheet that has you list your negative thoughts about yourself / your life and helps you figure out how to look at it from a more realistic standpoint (which often means giving your emotions the space they need to just happen). I've been doing that every couple of days at least, and it's always amazing how many things I'm being negative about and don't realize it. Doing this consistently has given me a bit more confidence in my ability to deal with things in a healthy way. Yesterday, I spent about an hour just crying really hard about nothing in particular, and it really helped for me to let myself do that without accusing myself of being weak, worthless, etc.

This might not work for you, but I wanted to share it anyway in case it did.

A book on mindfulness that I found helpful is Full Catastrophe Living by Kabatt-Zinn. The author uses Buddhist principles to teach mindfulness (without teaching Buddhism). He has a few other books too.

Both Buddhism and Al-Anon helped me learn how to deal with my N-upbringing.

EMDR can help because it causes the body to process trauma and release it.

Healing Trauma by Peter Levine is a great book on trauma work.

Yes, me too. There is no brick wall at the neck … our brains and the rest of our bodies are constantly interacting in ways science does not yet fully understand.

I like Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky. That's more of an explanation of some of the science than a "and here's how you fix it …" guide.

I'm also okay with Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn, although I struggle a little more with him, and with all the "how to" books, because I find them to have a slight "and if you don't get it better, it's because you did it wrong" tone that makes me a little reactive.

I think we understand these systems so poorly that it's hard to "fix" these problems. But, that said, I also have found a number of things in my own life- meditation, increased personal awareness, CBT, rational-emotive therapy, exercise, establishing firm SC with my family, have really helped. Not ignoring the signs of stress is important for me. Telling the Ns to fuck off hard is good, too :)

No problem, I'm really happy to help you. You can always go to 7Cups too and find a lot of hope and relief there. Also ifred Don't let your past direct your future. You can message me if you need to.

I highly highly highly recommend this book. If you can afford it get it from Amazon or go to the authors website message boards. This book is what finally helped me understand narcissism in a relationship.

That’s great that you blocked her on Facebook. Block her everywhere and go no contact. That’s the only way I got over my narcissistic ex. Now I’m in a relationship that’s 1 million times better. Better is out there but you have to cut your emotional ties with her!

I picture it like this. If you have tendrils of energy reaching out toward her, it’s going to prevent you from meeting somebody great.

I made a calendar and crossed off for every day I did not contact him. It was really really hard for about eight days and then it got easier. I gave myself a reward every five days I went NC.

We’ve been broken up 2.5 years and I STILL sometimes feel a strong urge to stalk his social media and see what’s going on with his new wife because I really want them to have problems! Which is so selfish because she’s a kind woman and she deserves better. But I distract myself by coming on Reddit or doing something else!

Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425279995/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_tJB3AbK2355YY

I had this same issue. I still struggle with it. I think it is a really bad FLEA, a symptom of PTSD.

I think this is one of those things where you just have to start making plans, and accept that the truth really is that you can't know the future. That's true for EVERYONE, it's just that they have the happy delusion that they know what's going to happen.

I can recommend the books "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert, and "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. What I took away from both books is the astonishing degree to which happy people are, in fact, delusional. Both authors are completely up front about it. Research shows that it is depressed people who see the world as it truly, terrifyingly is. So, if you want to be happy, you have to choose delusion. Crazy, huh?

And I also like the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. It's not about happiness but it is about learning how to trust your instincts (kind of). It's a really great read about how the mind works. You might find it helpful.

You have it right .... document, document, document. Document what has already been acceptable, document what she says, document what she said in the interview, write it all down!

I agree, she doesn't need to know what your appointments are for. If she asks, wouldn't that be a violation of your privacy? Can you ask your departing supervisor how to respond if the head supervisor asks inappropriate questions? My guess is to very politely respond with some version of "Why do you need to know?" I'm not too sure how to put that in work-speak.

It sucks to hear you've run into an Nwall so soon! But if she gaslights you, document it and move on. If she's treating you differently than others, document it (and then later (politely) ask her why). It's a lot of work on top of everything else, but at the very least it will help you keep your sanity. I have found that if I don't document bad treatment I tend to forget stuff and then it just hangs over me like a black cloud.

Good luck and big hugs! Here are some puppies:

https://giphy.com/gifs/puppies-qzJPSZ0mClSUw

And more puppies, this one made me giggle : https://giphy.com/gifs/dog-gif-puppy-DdotCCeucTHmU

Sure; attachment is an umbrella term for how we form relationships. In short, there are four primary attachment styles - anxious, avoidant, secure, and disorganized. Dysfunctional parents, for example, tend to raise insecurely attached children, and when insecurely attached children grow up, their insecure attachment style can lead to relationships with insecurely attached adults.

Functional families, however, tend to raise securely attached children, and secure attachment is the key to healthy, happy, stable relationships.

There's a ton of info on attachment styles online; as a survivor of Narc abuse, it's possible to change your attachment style, avoid falling into the disorganized attachment push/pull dance, and attract the securely attached relationships you need and deserve. Here's some resources to help you get started:

Attachment style quiz - learn about the 4 main styles and identify your own

"Attached"- my therapist recommended this book early in my trauma recovery. It was eye-opening and a must-read for narc abuse survivors.

Regarding FLEAs, it's an acronym for "Frightening Lasting Effects of Abuse", in reference to maladaptive relationship and behavioral patterns in adult survivors of narc abuse. Poor boundaries, oversharing, and sensitivity to criticism, for example, are common FLEAs; definitely read up on them online for more info. Like with insecure attachment styles, FLEAs can be overcome through hard self-work and treatment with a therapist who understands narc abuse.

Dr. Ramani's videos on YouTube are another great resource on narcissism and trauma recovery.

Best of luck on your journey!

Just to be safe, get a password keychain thing (I got TunnelBear for a VPN and got RememBear for my passwords for free). That way you can generate extremely secure passwords for all your accounts and don’t have to remember them. A VPN might not hurt either, it wasn’t too expensive.

I think science is a way of life. You don't need to get anywhere near a lab to do it. My favourite book about how to do science is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - you use exactly the same techniques to figure out why your bike's not working. That book taught me how to be a scientist.

"Full Catastrophe Living" and "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat Zinn helped me. I checked them out from the library and ended up buying them because I felt they were valuable to read more than once.

I came into this thread to recommend meditation, glad to see you're already doing it. In case you haven't read it, and in case you end up feeling a need to grow your practice or get out of a too-habitual groove, I recommend reading Mindfulness in Plain English. I found it very useful. Good luck. :)

And that's pretty much textbook effective therapy. You face the stuff you don't want to face (but need to) in a supportive environment and get out all the feels. You feel validated, gain perspective, feel a little better, and in time you're much better. Sometimes it comes back, and that's okay because you've learned some skills to cope, and sometimes you go back to therapy for a tune-up, and that's okay, too.

I read your other comment about not clicking with a therapist, and that's totally normal. Not all therapists are a good fit. It's good that you stopped seeing someone who wasn't right for you.

If you absolutely cannot afford therapy, check out the book "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns. It's basically everything that you learn/discuss in therapy. Better to have an actual live therapist, but in a pinch, the book is helpful.

Also, this might make you feel validated.

Late to the party, but "Mindfulness in Plain English" is fantastic. It's intended to be a very stripped down, very practical guide to mindfulness meditation (without getting into any particular belief system, etc.). It's excellent. I found it indispensible, personally speaking.

Also the good folks at /r/meditation are very helpful, supportive folks.

I recently bought this book too, as I am having a difficult time with NPD and BPD's running amok in my life. I haven't started reading it yet, but it was highly recommended by my counselor that is helping me avoid these toxic relationships. Just had a run in with a dear friend tonight (who I feel is an NPD), who won't let go of something dumb I did over a year and a half ago, that made her not trust me and told me today that she no longer wants to be my friend. I admit, I have made mistakes but this is so silly. This whole thing hurt me deeply because I am loyal friend. I'm also way too nice and I let people like her get to me. I'm debating putting aside "Learned Optimism" now to start reading "No more Mr. Nice guy".

Kabat-Zinn is excellent. Check out the book "Full Catastrophe Living". Here's a quick video. I see he has a full audiobook on YouTube as well. Wherever You Go There You Are.

Patrick Teahan is wonderful, as is Harriet Lerner.

I’ve been scapegoated by by the FOO, my ex has done it with my own children. No human being is supposed to live in isolation. I was actually doing okay this spring, and even this summer after my sister in law died.

Then … foolish me, thinking maybe I could have a text relationship wry my very sick mother (and I’m embarrassed to admit that—I’ve known what she is for 20+ years and went NC then, then again 8 years ago).;

At 11 o’clock one night in late august, a text comes in. Holy good, my heart pounded . “Hi!! ! Mom gave me your number!!! “ oh my god, I have not been okay since.”

She keeps texting. I have blocked her but the messages come through anyway. I have spent a few hours with Apple trying to figure it out. If I have to, I’ll change my phone number again, but this will make 4 phone numbers in just over 4 years.

I’m hogging up this thread. I apologize. This has been what has really had me so upset about since late August.

I Figure snail mail is probably next, so I ordered this from Amazon today:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07CMP4RTF/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I'm so glad you are away from him. Make a "crime sheet" of all the shitty things he's done in case he tries to come back and love-bomb you. Do it now while your memory is intact--distance can make things look not as bad as they were.

I highly recommend this book:

Are You The One For Me? Knowing Who's Right, Avoiding Who's Wrong

It helps you look at your relationship missteps and avoid red flags next time. I found it invaluable.

I highly recommend this book. It helped me a lot. It helps you free your headspace of toxic people. Take Care ❤️

Surviving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery: Whether You’re Loving, Leaving, or Living With One https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00O2K4BHM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_2GPCCK151NYRJGH4EHMG

I agree absolutely with what you're saying about narcissists and manipulation. I published a book (Being Me Being Free) last month that will tell you exactly why narcissists are the way they are (as well as a lot of other stuff about growth and releasing yourself to move forward). Basically, you can open up your life if you know how your mind works. BEING ME BEING FREE explains everything with simple words and pictures. Change your thinking, change your life! Learn more here. Good luck!

The book you want is called The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick Carnes. It directly talks about this question, and why it is so hard to break free of these sorts of bonds.

I'd try to describe it in detail, but it has been a while since I read it, and this is a bad sleep day withdrawal symptom-wise (good news, the antidepressants used to treat my stress-based insomnia are finally out of my life and I've hit a turning point in my detox; bad news, I've still probably got a month or so to go before I'm free and clear of the withdrawal symptoms). The Amazon.ca link for the book is https://www.amazon.ca/Betrayal-Bond-Patrick-Carnes/dp/0757318231/ref=pd_lpo_1?pd_rd_i=0757318231&psc=1

Thanks, this was helpful. There is a book by David Emerald on the empowerment dynamic (TED) and saw some videos too. Thanks, checking.

Have not tried CoDa. I tend to feel people are mocking me or it is a superficial waste of time.. it must be my perception. Forgiveness is a good tip too.. i wish I could relate to people in an authentic safe way. I don't need it, very self sufficient, but people who are easygoing care free laid-back just hanging out together . Not had that. Productive, friendly smart, funny but can't relax or relate around people (other than kids). I guess it is a process of trial and error. Overreacting to criticism or rejection, feeling persecuted and triggered over little things https://www.amazon.com/POWER-TED-EMPOWERMENT-DYNAMIC-Anniversary/dp/0996871802

Thank you! I only ask that folks who have actually tried to seek out therapy fill it out. Here is a link to the survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/6THQ9R7

Feedback outside of the survey is welcome as well. Thank you for helping me out!

Seems like you're getting a lot of good responses u/hooktenay, but I didn't readily see a response to this:

>On days I dont shower(every other day), I wet my hair in the sink because I have long hair and when its dry it gets ugly. The problem is it causes the sink to get blocked because 1 or 2 of my hair falls in the sink multiple times a week. I called a plumber and even tried an unblocking gel but the solution is only temporary.

As somebody who can only style their hair when it's wet, I get what you're saying. Have you considered buying some drain screens? Whether from Amazon or a hardware store, they tend to be fairly cheap, should be able to catch at least most of your loose hair, and thereby help prevent clogging. Just make sure to clean the dead hair out - depending on how much, it could be every time to every few days.

I’m glad the comment was helpful. Our cat also hates cars, but finding this carrier changed everything. It’s open air and very easy for them to see. Perhaps you can walk her first around the neighborhood in the carrier, and then start with little trips. Ours associated the car with the vet, once we broke that connection it was ok.

You’re doing so well, and doing so much. Take care of you. Sending New Year’s hugs.

There's a book that I think will help you out a lot called The Betrayal Bond, by Patrick Carnes. It talks a lot about what happens in abusive relationships and the complexities that arise (which include the roles of attacker, victim, and rescuer shifting from person to person).

The Amazon link is here: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0757318231/?ref=idea_lv_dp_ov_d

You said, 'if you think I'm justified, what can I say to my mother to make her feel that this is truly the right decision for me?' Maybe this will help

You poured a lot of time, energy, love and hope for the future into that relationship. It is totally normal for you to grieve the loss of that. Whether it's with a narc or a normal person who just isn't right for you, breakups are awful.

That's awesome you have so much going for you, but you didn't mention friends or family? Right now, it is so important to spend time with people who love and value you, who will remind you that you have a lot to offer, and just keep you company when that horrible 3am dark night of the soul feeling hits. If you don't have a good social support network, pour as much of your energy as you can into building one -- join a club or sports team, check out some Meetup.com groups, or just make an effort to reconnecting with old friends and asking people to hang out.

I've REALLY got to recommend Pete Walker's book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma - to the point of say, seriously, just go and buy it now. Right now. I'm not kidding. Here's the Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

So, what you're describing is what Walker calls your "inner critic." The abuse and trauma has basically turned your own brain against you, and your abuser's voice has been implanted to augment, if not replace your own. Part of healing is knowing that this has happened, and telling it to shut its teeth and f--- off whenever it starts up.

Walker's book will help you do that, and walk you through the re-parenting you need to fix this and reprogram your brain to be on your side again.

I'm currently reading Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker, and he calls these episodes emotional "flashbacks", and describes a strategy for dealing with them that begins with recognizing that they are flashbacks that put your brain back into past trauma. I'm still reading the book, but so far it's been pretty insightful for me.

Are you interested in doing something about this, willing to invest professionally? If so, set an appointment with me the first is free.

What I see is that you have had an awakening, but there is nothing new, you are still in shock from the loss and there are many small attachments that need to be healed before you can move on. This is a critical time and I would really like to see you receive the guidance you need. The reason is, if you miss the lesson, and just go back to a different version of the same behavior this will happen again. I can show you how to break these pattern, but it will require a level of commitment from you.

https://about.me/jeffrounds

The first session is free and even if it is the only time we meet, you will find something that you have been looking for, everyone does.

​

OK, here's another way to get a transcript, if you need to create your own. https://otter.ai/login
I'm pretty sure it's possible to just upload audio files without having to run them, too.

There are quite a few relatively inexpensive ways to strip audio from video, and then automatically convert, but if you have the $ for it, a transcription site would work, too.

Just how long is the Webinar? That might make a difference in the ease of using some alternate tools.

Unless your boss is a good friend - or is known to think highly of - your father, I'd be honest with boss. Matter of fact, but honest. And use the "I looked for an alternative presenter, haven't found one, a transcript didn't seem to be available, so now I'm in the process of having my own transcript created."

Also, "It's important to me that I learn this new material, but the distraction of being triggered by my abuser would be detrimental to that, so I'm actively seeking ways to make sure I can obtain these new skills while remaining effective."

This is encouraging. Good for you for getting away from the toxicity. The wool is being pulled off the eyes and how we worship family. Lots of people are detaching and striking out on their own. Have you been able to form community? Its sad that more awareness and resources aren’t really out there. There’s an organization in the UK called Stand Alone but there’s not many resources here in the US dealing with estrangement. The last I checked, this was the only book that dealt with it head on Leaving Home. I read it and highly recommend it. Thanks for sharing, stay encouraged and wishing you the best.

I am so sorry that you are going through all that. It Is NOT fair and the damage that was caused to you is deep but it is repairable. YOU CAN HEAL.

​

I HIGHLY recommend :

• <em>Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving</em> by Pete Walker

Pete is a "general practitioner" who specializes in helping adults recovering from growing up in traumatizing families, especially those whose repeated exposure to childhood abuse and/or neglect left them with symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder [Cptsd]. He has a great deal of recovery from his own Cptsd, and his professional approach is highly enriched by his own 40 year journey of recovering. 

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425191656/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_PNYN29WAB1ATQSS29RAF This book helped me so much. It explains the tactics and manipulation an abuser uses. It takes time to heal from the abuse, during that time you are still vulnerable and hurting, trying to sort out how you got to that place.

I recommend books that focus on learning to set emotional and physical boundaries.

Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no and take control of your life by Henry Cloud

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=nodl_

Highly recommend you read this book before you seriously consider trying to let him back into your life: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000Q9J0RO/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1

"I am hurt and alone and I miss you and I love you and I recognize that I need to heal and I'll do everything right and CHANGE" is one of the most common manipulation tactics to get you back into the abuse cycle. Including truly changed behavior in every interaction with him during the separation.

Usually it is an act, not a true change. Is his motivation for changing to get you back? If so, it's likely just another control tactic.

Educate yourself and recognize that while you may have strong feelings for your abuser, you should not go back to him unless you have absolutely zero doubt that it will never, ever happen again AND you are prepared to get the hell back out the second it resumes.

You can get a flashlight/stun gun on amazon.

VIPERTEK VTS-T03 - Aluminum Series 53 Billion Heavy Duty Stun Gun - Rechargeable with LED Tactical Flashlight, Pink https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FHJGJ6C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_C35hEbW8M0FAN

Philosophy is something I'm fairly familiar with already. Nicomachean Ethics is one I got a lot out of reading. Some of Nietzsche is interesting, particularly his eternal recurrence thought experiment (given that I did succeed, would I hypothetically be okay with doing so again if that's how physics worked [not that it does]).

On the therapy side, I'm generally opposed. My main problem is that the few professionals I have met before, outside of a 1-1 setting, seem to focus on getting better, but not actually being better which is the point. I'm not an addict by any means, but I've noticed that they are 'recovering addicts' but not really 'recovered' addicts. I'm not bashing those programs - I know little about them - but I mean to highlight that I won't define myself indefinitely by the experience, so why act like I would? Aristotle put it, 'We are what we repeatedly do' - so why would I do things that, for lack of a better word, a broken person would do? I've carried on well, doing physics and all, to suppose that time and some introspection is all I need. Hence the reddit question - to find a different folks with different viewpoints. You could argue that posing a reddit question is such a behavior as I've likened to seeing a therapist, but simple point is if I want to think the way I do I have to draw the line somewhere, and that line is therapist. Besides, I enjoy working on myself and wouldn't really have it any other way. It's like going to office hours when instead I could work out the homework by myself. Even if it takes longer, I end up with a much sharper understanding than if I just took it in from someone else.

http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/setting-boundaries/

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud

There is a whole series by Dr. Cloud about boundaries in all aspects of your life, as well as how to identify healthy and abusive people. His books have a definite religious tone to them, but they are valid resources nonetheless.

Hope this helps.

Do you stand on anti-fatigue mat? I have this one: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007PQXJUA/ref=pe_825000_114212990_pe_635370_88603980_n_id but there are cheaper ones.

Standing all day when obese is like a non-obese person standing all day while holding a 50 lb weight! Of course you are sore. Of course you are tired. Of course your joints hurt. Could you sit on a chair or a stool for part of your shift?

The Emotional Incest book

Adult Children of Alcoholics (surprisingly relevant regardless of alcoholism)

What you need is Great Stuff. It's a spray foam that fills the gaps around plumbing under sinks, which is where most of the smoke is entering your apartment from his. It's even better if you can get the landlord or maintenance person to do his apartment, too.

Here's a video on how it works. It's best if you identify everywhere you want to use it before starting - make sure areas around under sink pipes are clear of items so you can work as quickly as you can. The product dries quickly and gunks up the little straw and renders it useless after one use.

I had the same smoke problem at several apartments I've lived in. Once I sprayed around the plumbing in my apartment, it cut down the smoke considerably. At the apartments where I was able to convince management that the offender's apartment plumbing should also be treated with Great Stuff, it completely shut off the smoke problem.

As for the midnight door knocking and other aggressive behaviors, document, document, document. Keep a log of date, time, witnesses (if any), what happened, what was said. Before opening the door, have a video camera running (or a smartphone camera) to document any aggressive behavior. If you feel the need, install a security camera.

I did some searching and finally found a book that goes into detail about how illogical a belief in "self-worth" is. It highlights a lot of other common irrational thinking as well that causes people unnecessary emotional turmoil. I'm not done with it yet but so far I love it and it's given me some really good new insights. I thought you could probably benefit from it as well:

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Myth-Self-Worth-Fallacy-Yourself/dp/0963938703

Has anyone here read the books by this author? I wonder if they're helpful. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1476748357 http://www.amazon.com/Last-Best-Cure-Awaken-Healing/dp/159463128X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1444918105&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=Donna+Jackson+Nakazawa

Understanding the Borderline Mother was very helpful for me.
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1442122921&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=understanding+the+borderline+mother

Psychopath Free was extremely helpful in supporting my initial efforts to understand the abusive environment I was entwined with.

http://www.amazon.com/Psychopath-Free-Expanded-Emotionally-Relationships/dp/0425279995/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1442089972&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=psychopath+free

They also have a website with forums and additional resources, though the community is mostly female. However they do support a smaller male community/forum on the site as well. Check out those materials and they'll know whether or not they're in a pickle.

Memory suppression is one of the legs that support the trauma inducing chair. I.e. seeking to overcome a past trauma by pushing it further down or wiping it out entirely is counterproductive to healing. Flashbacks and surfacing memories should be approached as something that has negatively affected you in the past but is still influencing your current experience in life.

A very good resource that offers methods to tackle flashbacks so you can integrate them (no longer gonna bother ya) is Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation by Kathy Steele. The book is a wonderful tool to utilize because it's for both practitioners and victims alike. Hope that helps and best of luck to ya sorting through your past!

http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1442513505&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=coping+with+trauma-related

Here's the (EDIT: Most commonly used) workbook. I had it at one time, but I don't anymore.

And here's Linehan's (The person who created DBT) original book outlining DBT, designed for Borderlines but really revolutionary in a lot of ways. It can help anyone missing coping skills from early childhood trauma (BPD diagnoses or not) with life, and anyone suffering from PTSD or addiction with radical acceptance and wellness practices.

I want to add: http://www.amazon.com/The-Buddha-Borderline-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X

I saw it in several forums and picked it up. It gave me amazing insight to myself. Someone had pointed out that I appeared to be in Cluster B and I went through (and am going through a neurological diagnosis) the diagnostic process, got on medication, took a look at what I was doing versus how I perceived others and what they were actually doing and this book was amazing. Just for frame of reference, my only diagnosis turned out to be C-PTSD, however, it is a straight up twin for BPD, some Bi-polar disorders, NPD in many, many regards. Mine was complicated by a neurological problem/disorder. It gave me some really good ideas and baselines for measuring what I was up against even if I wasn't BPD. I'm also dealing with BPD/HPD in a co-parent and that can be challenging, even with SC or VLC. This book helped me regain some of my empathy/sympathy for that person as well. Great read for HSPs in general.

Speaking of: I highly recommend http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Elaine-Aron/dp/0553062182

Great if you are an HSP or have one in your life. Thanks for your list!

Oh, and if anyone has a good recommendation on Alexithymia I would be greatly appreciative of the rec. I am hunting, but no luck so far.