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http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=suicide&defid=1633718

A surprisingly insightful post about suicide on UD. Cleared up my perspectives on suicide a lot. One relevant quote:

> Suicide is NOT a selfish act. You all say that they're leaving their loved ones behind and hurting them, but that really only makes you selfish. How can you expect this person to continue living through all the pain that their life is giving them? To go through the feeling of being invisible, like they have no one to confide in? To go through feeling like everybody that once loved them has now abandoned them? And to go through feeling that everyday the walls are closing in on them and that everyday they are sinking further and further into despair? Into loneliness and heartache? How on earth can you expect someone to live with that all the time, just to keep everybody else happy? It's not like it's their duty to make everyone happy. So stop being selfish yourself and think of the individual for once.

And I completely feel ya, teaandyarn. Accepting and understanding yourself, and asserting the contrarian view, is a difficult thing, especially in psychological issues; but when you're sure that you're on the correct side, the relief it gives is beautiful. This is a huge step forward, congrats.

Sorry you've been going through a rough time! I went through a traumatic breakup last year too, and have dealt with a lot of emotional nonsense, which landed me into a pretty similar state of mind as you are in. Throughout my journey, I came across this book called The Presence Process by Michael Brown. I'm generally not one to recommend books or call them life changing, but I feel this book is one exception. It's a 10 week process, where you learn to be emotionally responsible and deal with your emotional baggage through present moment awareness. You learn to truly feel your emotions, and fully process them so they're no longer a burden. I was pretty skeptical when I began the process, but after finishing I can see how truly transformative it is. I will warn you though, that it can be really intense. I hated the process, but I'm also so glad I did it. I'm pretty awful at book reviews, but if you check out the Amazon page you'll see way better explanations haha.

Childhood emotional neglect and attachment trauma can be present despite material wealth. These experiences can be damaging to children and may cause mental health problems that endure into adulthood and until they are dealt with. If either of these ring a bell with you, then you might want to look them up.

The following books may also be helpful

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536758061&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=adult+children+of+emotionally+immature+parents&dpPl=1&dpID=51aZ...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Not-Price-Admission-relationships-childhood/dp/1517683408/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536758108&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=not+the+price+of+admission&dpPl=1&dpID=61BgEJgbp2L&ref=plSrch

(In particular, page 45 of the latter explains how emotional neglect may affect a developing child. Please be aware that the video it links to may be triggering if you have experienced these issues in your life)

No one here can say whether these things happened to you or not but talking about your feelings and their origins with a good therapist might be a good start to working out why you feel this way and how you can start feeling better.

As someone else said, there are people with judgemental attitudes out there, but we have the choice to approach ourselves with kindness and compassion throughout our efforts to recover. Wishing you all the best in your recovery.

Listen: my life started at 29, after I had spent about 15 years trying to re-raise myself, since the people who did it the first time meant better than most but just sort of half-assed it somehow anyway.

But what changed for me at 29—and you have a year or so to get there, because I was closer to 30, was that I started to change my relationship to failure.

If you are ALREADY failing, BE PROUD OF YOURSELF. When your brain tells you "I failed," it is telling you that you have not settled, and your desire to live and grow is more powerful than all of the messages you are getting to settle, accept, blah blah blah.

My whole life I had tried to fail less. That didn't work. At 29, I started to try more things, stick with them longer, and fail way more. That's when things got fun.

So don't try to fail less; try to fail more often, more ambitiously, and at more things. Recognize and embrace each failure as proof of your life force, vitality and courage. Study it to see what you could have done differently. If you plan to keep track of rejections, disappointments and losses, use them as a record the way athletes keep track of their reps and splits. Each avoided failure is an avoided victory. Each embraced failure brings you one attempt closer to victory.

Also, read Mindset by Carol Dweck. Edit: BTW, I am still in therapy, still medicated, still failing at everything, but much happier and even sometimes a little proud of myself.

While you're waiting to get diagnosed you can get one of the books mentioned in this article.

>Dr. Neil Frude noticed that some patients, frustrated by year-long waits for treatment, were reading up on depression in the meantime. And of the more than 100,000 self-help books in print, a handful often seemed to work.

>This June, a program was launched that’s allowing National Health Service doctors across England to act upon Frude’s insight. The twist is that the books are not just being recommended, they’re being “prescribed.” If your primary care physician diagnoses you with “mild to moderate” depression, one of her options is now to scribble a title on a prescription pad. You take the torn-off sheet not to the pharmacy but to your local library, where it can be exchanged for a copy of “Overcoming Depression,” “Mind Over Mood,” or “The Feeling Good Handbook.” And depression is only one of over a dozen conditions treated. Other titles endorsed by the program include “Break Free from OCD,” “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway,” “Getting Better Bit(e) by Bit(e),” and “How to Stop Worrying.”

yes, I have. but it won't make one feel better, and one can't do it with the intention of feeling better. However, the overall increase in awareness that results can easily and gently provide the information necessary to help one recover.

I recommend Full Catastrophe Living by John Kabat-Zinn, and reading Mindfulness in Plain English after you have at least 30 minutes' experience with meditation.

In the end one may discover that meditation is not an activity, it's not something we do, but rather, it is a way of being. And that way of being is innately less painful than suffering from mental illness.

I wish you good luck in your journey and welcome any questions you may have, now or in the future.

One of the things that I remember from Man's Search for Meaning was the comfort he was afforded from the memory of a small moment with his wife. His wife had already been assassinated but Frankl didn't know it.

What it told me is that human relationships matter. Lately, it seems, there is an unhealthy emphasis on oneself. One is encouraged to do things "for yourself." No matter what it is, it's best experienced for ones own benefit. I've heard people use Frankl as evidence of the benefits of self improvement. Surely one doesn't need to harm oneself but I think we've taken it a bit too far.

I read something about how meditation improves areas of the brain that control compassion and empathy. My question is how, without a moral or ethical framework that includes alleviating suffering, what does it matter how compassionate and empathetic one is, if the only person to whom one is compassionate and empathetic is oneself? That seems to me the disconnect with our Western appropriation of meditation. There's no context and it's very easy to congratulate ourselves on being "good people," without having to be mindful of those around us and how our behavior effects others.

You describe yourself as depressed, which I don't doubt, and trying to get that under control will probably go a long way towards finding your 'spark' as you put it.

There are 4 things that I know of that have some evidence behind them that can potentially affect depression positively:

• Regular exercise
• Meditation
• Talk therapy
• Meds (most likely only in moderate to severe cases, which doesn't sound like you)

There are also some factors which, if missing, seem to contribute to inducing or intensifying depression:

• Social isolation (big one!)
• Habits of negative self-talk (for example, the negative sides of the 3 aspect of Explanatory Style
• Poor self-care (hygiene or enjoyment of hobbies etc).
• Poverty

I can't remember any more at the moment, there may be others.

I would say, if you can at all, find a counselor to work with you on your depression first. Talk therapy is probably going to be your best bet. But if you can't afford it, please at least try to self-treat with a book as a guide (possibly "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns).

Do that first before trying any of the other 3 things.

If you can get your depression under control a lot of other good things will come from that.

One note on confidence: I found I become more confident socially when I realized, then conditioned myself through practice, to care less about what other people thought of me. There's no way around it other than practice. If you don't already do social tabletop gaming events regularly, I would recommend you find them (or start setting some up!) as a way to practice social interaction and practice not giving a fuck what others think of you.

Let me know if I've said anything that's unclear (assuming any of this sounds good to you!)

Good luck!

powen01 and meaningful_username both gave really good advice. Water and snacks are important. Having quick snacks like that also makes it easier to cook something since, as powen01 said, usually we wait until we're starving to try to eat. I usually end up snacking while I cook.

I was thinking about updating this folder with some of my recipes, photos, and simple instructions. There's just the start of the chili recipe there now but even though it takes a while to cook it's easy and gives you healthy food for days. My Google Drive

In a similar vein, get RES (Reddit Enhancement Suite) to filter out The Donald, Hillary, and Bernie Sanders (among any other subreddits you don't want to see) from your Reddit feed.

Your sanity will not be taxed nearly as much.

2 more ideas for dealing with the drugstore being overwhelming.

1. Get a “convenience kit” from Amazon (I’m sure other places have them too). They’re a kind of hygiene starter kit: https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=personal+hygiene+kit&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=241907974780&hvpos=1t1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=464194627613834239&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&am...

This way you can start to learn what you like and don’t like.

1. Use Amazon again (but you don’t have to shop there) and just search for the most recommended product in any category. For example, this shampoo is under $5 and has 1,132 ratings at an average of 4.5 - it might not be perfect for you, but it’s got a good chance of being good: https://www.amazon.com/Pantene-Moisture-Renewal-Hydrating-Shampoo/dp/B012GJSGMG/ref=sr_1_6_s_it?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1517067781&sr=1-6&keywords=Shampoo&refinements=p_72%3A1248873011%2Cp_36%3A-500&th=1

It takes some of the stress out of choosing.

HTH

Your title made me think of the book The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, and it might actually be really helpful for you. Despite the gimmicky naming scheme (his other self-help books are The Reality Slap and The Happiness Trap), Russ Harris writes good stuff that's based on acceptance and commitment therapy. Acceptance and commitment therapy is a therapy approach that resembles cognitive behavioral therapy in some ways, but where cognitive behavioral therapy seeks to change or eliminate painful thoughts, ACT focuses on changing the relationship with painful thoughts, so you can have them and not really give a crap and go about your life. Basically, to simplify massively, it's about learning how to take your inner critic's bullshit with a grain of salt and pursue the things that are important to you regardless of what shit's being thrown at you internally.

I don't have much to say in terms of real advice, but nobody has commented yet. I'm in the middle of reading Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. He survived concentration camps during the holocaust, and was a psychologist.

His points so far (still reading, mind you) are mostly that people have an inner buoyancy that enable them to survive the extreme lows, and you have to embrace it. He remarks that the people who found meaning and looked to the future despite their circumstances were the ones who lived more often rather than succumbing to starvation, sickness, apathy, and death.

Give it a read. Worst case it'll take your mind off of things for a bit.

Hey there. It's always great to tackle problems with willpower; ultimately it's you that is going to need to put the methods you learn about into practice, and these books may help give you hope, and a strategy as to how best to apply it to depression.

What gave me the sense of "good fortune" (more an exercise in positive writing) was the diary experiment in the Happiness chapter of 59 Seconds.

I would recommend Learned Optimism for anyone wishing to supplement therapy with self-help, but keep in mind it may not work for everyone, so keep on pursuing other routes until you find one that helps. The book contains quite a lot of information explaining the scientific validity of the claims it makes, so you might want to skip that and dive in to the bits that will help you the most.

Looking at the book, I'd say reading all of Part One of Learned Optimism is crucial, as well as Chapters 12 and 15.

Good luck, PM me if you need any help.

Dr Phil is a bit of a quack but his podcast has made a huge impact on my life. https://www.amazon.com/Depressive-Illness-Strong-Overcoming-Problems/dp/1847092357 No one is going to help you like yourself. Try calling some friends and family too. It’s all about the stories you tell yourself and I’m sure they’re bad, but you are in control of all the actions, take back control.

First, welcome, I'm glad you are in a place to get help.

I have been trying to distract myself with tv, games, books etc, but so far nothing is helping. Does anyone have any advice? Thoughts? I found reading and responding on the BPD subreddit has helped a little, so perhaps other sites or forums where I can get more engaged with people would be useful.

All of those are solitary activities; I think you crave relationship. My advice would be pick some very small things to do each day:

a) Make your bed when you get up. Don't lay in it until bed time.

b) Go to the library. Walk if you can. Smile at people. Say hello (unless you are in a big city where that's weird). Enjoy the sunshine. Check out a book. Walk to a coffee shop. Make conversation with strangers - the point is to turn this into a social activity.

c) Once you've done b, pick a hobby that has a social element. The gym and exercise are good - but ideally, find a meetup. Do things WITH people. Join a club (kiwanis, elks, odd fellows, optimists, lions, eagles are fine tho they skew older.)

d) Talk to your therapists about improving for yourself and setting your own goals. If the doesn't realize how important this is, consider a different therapist. Read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Frankel.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes! I hope this helps!

I have this too. I managed to quit it all. Gaming, porn, youtube. I have these 'addiction' genes and kind of a ADD brain. Makes it so that I am very sensitive to reward systems and constantly distracted.

I do not know how I managed to change myself. But what helped was the realization that youtube, gaming etc. are a cause of the problem as well, not only an effect. It messes with your dopamine system. We are so used to getting those rewards all day long, that we no longer derive pleasure from other things and can no longer bring up the energy to make long term investments. Because our brain is already satistied. Our dopamine is 'depleted'. Might be a bit weird to say here, but internet porn is one of the biggest causes. It gives the same dopamine kick as some harddrugs. It makes you so passive. Check out /r/nofap.

For me, the only thing that works is quitting EVERYTHING. I replaced it by music, mindfulness, reading, more sports, going out with friends more.

I also started reading this book: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

Good luck!

Mindfulness meditation was really helpful for me.

There's a book called Mindfulness in Plain English that is highly recommended. I bought it off Google books for $15 and I'm reading it slowly. It's very good so far.

I like the app Breathe2Relax and Headspace is a great app too but it costs money.

I'm currently pumping myself up to go through the intake process at the mental health clinic to get counseling for self esteem, mine is struggling for years of self hate.

Sometimes making a list is helpful. Like all the things you like, don't like, and things you can change about yourself. That can lay the groundwork for what you need to work on.

This may sound like strange advice or like it's only tangentially related, but I encourage you to check out The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and Spark Joy. I had quite a lot of sentimental attachments to many, many things, and those books really help lift what I would describe as a thick fog over my eyes. Those books may help you with letting go of the house and your mom's possessions, and to find some peace with that process.

Thanks again. Will definitely check out The Power of Habit. I think starting small with exercise is definitely the key for me - in tend to fall into "all or nothing" thinking and in the past I have told myself that exercise is only worth it if I do an intense workout for 1 hour every single day and I only end up burning myself out and feeling worse. So 12 mins sounds great to me! :)

I can see that you are someone who puts a lot of energy into self improvement and getting better and I think that's amazing. Just wanted to say you are doing an awesome job and that you're really inspiring. Depression is such a huge beast to tackle and I'm really impressed with all the info you've given and how much knowledge you have about yourself. Please feel free to PM me anytime you need a chat or want to talk to someone about your progress! Or just for anything, really.

Very, very easy way to bring your stress down - paced breathing. You can look up research that explains how this affects sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. Through the nose - slowly and deeply. Inhale 4 sec., exhale six seconds.

The Internet has simple stress reduction methods. Something more involved - MBSR. Find out in book Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Mindfulness for Beginners - audiobook. Also, basic healthy lifestyle - U of Kansas therapist/researcher Steve Ilardi, review of his book Depression Cure @ Metapsychology.

Of course, irritabiliy is a symptom of the depression, and it will subside as you get better. Regurgitating your bad memories is also a symptom. One way to deal with this that's amazingly simple is what's sometimes called mindfulness in daily life, an idea that you may have come across if you meditate. There's actually research on how using mindfulness combined with a cognitive therapy method - spotting negative thoughts - is very effective in preventing relapse after recovery from depression (MBCT.com). They haven't established how good this can be in treating a case of depression, but it wouldn't hurt to give it a try if you're getting good treatment besides this.

The simple trick is based on the principle that this shadow boxing you do happens because you're not fully aware of where you are. A part of your mind thinks you're in the past, as if you were half-asleep. In the mindful state, you're fully aware of the here and now. The enemy vanishes and you don't have to fight it. This principle works in meditation because the things that bother us are generally bad memories or things in the future that might happen.

Mindfulness is not hard to learn but getting into the habit of using it in daily life is like getting the habit of brushing after every meal. It's very good if you have a feedback mechanism that reacts to stressful moments. When you feel a bad mood shift or an unhappy thought, take a few slow, deep breaths till you're calmed down and, feeling the breath in your nose or your belly, remind yourself where you are. As the song "19th Nervous Breakdown" says, stop and look around.

The researcher who started the mindfulness therapy movement, Jon Kabat-Zinn, has a book - Full Catastrophe Living and an audiobook - Mindfulness for Beginners.

Anger is just a noise your nervous system makes - comes and goes like a thunder storm. Don't worry about it.

I have Full Catastrophe Living byJon Kabat-Zinn. I'll check out those other books. Thanks for the suggestions. I switched from /r/depression to this sub because there's a focus on...well getting over it. This illness is too fucked to figure out on my own. I appreciate your input, as well as everyone elses in this sub.

Thanks! Have you read anything about mindfulness? I've read a few books that I thought were really helpful: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine, The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts, and The Reality Slap by Russ Harris. They all discuss a lot of similar concepts, but from different perspectives. The Stoic Joy one is about applying the Greek philosophy of Stoicism in a modern context, the Watts book has a lot of Buddhist influence and man's disconnection from nature is a major theme, and the last one is the most self-helpy of the three and is just basic mindfulness with the philosophical or metaphysical stuff stripped out (it's good, though).

There is a really good book on this subject called "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. While the first 2 3rds go through his history and theories, the last 3rd is almost like a practical tutorial which helps teach the skills needed to help gather the evidence against the negative thoughts, and bring back the thoughts into a positive or optimistic level. I wish I still had it, but I will try an pick it up again.

Its probably the most useful book I have read on this subject, mainly because of the practical assistance and self-tests which make it a very effective self-help tool (at least for someone like me who is experience and evidence based).

http://www.behaviortherapist.com/

This collective recommends reading a few books by Dr. Burns, a terrific author on CBT and depression/anxiety. In fact, I would suggest that you order The Feeling Good Handbook or When Panic Attacks from Amazon. This could get you started with some self-help exercises.

They also recommend great books by Albert Ellis and others, who are well-known in the field of depression/anxiety work and pioneers of CBT.

read "Learned Optimism", I just wrote a bit about it here: http://yana.com/blog/7 Basically you want to change your thought pattern, change your mind to think optimistically instead of pessimistically.

I totally get those feels! Sometimes it's like managing my depression is my full-time job. But then, I think that's probably ok right now. Self-care is really important. I also think most of us tend to be hard on ourselves and have unrealistic expectations, so the way I see it, starting where you are and not beating your self up are wins.

I also think that ritual is really important. For me, depression and perfectionism are co-conspirators, so ritual helps me focus on being consistent, rather than perfect. I use an Android app called The Fabulous that is a huge help for this.

I would suggest a couple other things:

Get a therapist if you don't have one. You need an ally on this journey who can see your situations without the distortion that depression brings.

Try meditation or some sort mindfulness-based CBT. Meditation works for me. It helps me recognize thinking errors (like my old pal perfectionism) and make different choices. It helps me work with difficult emotions. It improves my focus and willpower and it decreases my stress. It helps me to be clearer and to see ways to take care of myself better instead of automatically spiraling into shame and self-loathing. It's basically saved me. :)

Finally, remember that this is really effing hard and that you will good days and not-so-good days. Give yourself a chance to recharge and fight another day when you need it.

Running on Empty.

Yes, your mother worked a lot. But children need more than a roof over their head and food in their belly. We have emotional needs, too. And she may have tried her best, but sometimes even our best intentions fall short. Sometimes, we don't have the role model we need to create a healthy, stable perception of self and responsibility.

This leads to something called Childhood Emotional Neglect. Running on Empty, by Jonice Webb, is a phenomenal book, and breaks down the different ways CEN can be generated and manifest.

Childhood Emotional Neglect manifests in so many different ways. While it's something I experienced, my reaction was different from yours, so I can't speak to it unfortunately.

Running on Empty by Jonice Webb is a godsend of a book, covering the different types of neglectful parents, and the different ways their children can react. I'd highly advice going over this and its sequel book, Running On Empty No More.

Here is a potential gateway to friendships:

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/6-tools-find-awesome-people-similar-interests/

And if you want to pen pal with me for a little while, shoot me a PM. Else, I remember that there are subreddits where you can find penpals

The depression and anxiety really became problems in high school.

I struggled through college and barely graduated. I made one friend there, but they live across the country and don't answer the phone when I call, so I probably shouldn't call them a friend anymore.

I still have mental health problems. I work 40 hours a week at a job I don't care for, and my coworkers were harassing me and trying to get me fired. My supervisor had to talk to them and get HR involved because of their behaviour to and about me and my only female coworker (who I don't work directly with) and a couple other people at the company.

But I graduate university. I have a degree. I make well over minimum wage, and will make more money in the future. I can afford my asthma medication and to see a doctor and all that. I can buy groceries, pay rent, and save to retire. I can buy fast food - or even restaurant food - when I'm tired and lazy and hungry.

I don't have to take the bus in a city with horrible public transit.

I don't have to live with people that drive me crazy.

I don't have to study for school or worry about whether I'll pass.

I found a group that does stuff I like to do on meetup.com, and I'm doing two different things this weekend with friends I made there.

College is short, and it gives you the certification you need to make enough to live off. It's great if you do, but you don't need to enjoy it.

I have a lot of sleep trouble too. A few years ago, I'd only feel rested when I slept from ~8am to ~4pm. Trying to 'force' my sleeping time away from that (through meds, alarm clock, forcibly staying awake, etc) would just result in my sleep time getting messed up unless I let it reconverge back.

The only thing I found that helped was controlling the lights around me. I use bright (white) lights during daytime, and dimmer, 'warm' (yellow-orange) lights in the evening, nighttime and early morning. If you're on the computer a lot like I am, I highly recommend f.lux, which automatically adjusts your monitor's brightness depending on the time of day. Nowadays, I usually sleep comfortably from ~2:30am to ~10:30am. Some days I'll still have trouble sleeping, but usually the disruption is only for a day or two.

> If I work on my hobbies, I feel I’m wasting time I could’ve spent resting.

that's not quite how things work. sometimes you can gain energy by spending it (for example, when you work out, you boost your stamina and get endorphins; when you do something you love, you once again get endorphins) - you can recharge actively (by expending some brain power for drawing) rather than vegging in front of TV (which gives you fewer rewards). https://www.headspace.com/blog/2016/06/10/are-you-relaxing-the-wrong-way/

> If I don’t sit on the couch thinking about wanting to play games or drawing, I’ll open up my computer, sit there for a few minutes, and turn it off. Or open a game, take 5 steps, and close it.

i'm in the same boat here, unfortunately. sometimes i can even muster the motivation to want to work on my hobbies. but i can't quite do it even then. i think in my case it's behavioral apathy. yours might be less apathy but more something like executive dysfunction? at any rate, sounds like a sign of depression too. get help from a medical professional (maybe start with the GP or family doctor). also make sure your diet, sleep, and social interactions are solid - these things aren't the cure, but still a necessity. taking vitamin D is a good idea

I hope this doesn't violate a rule, but maybe the superbetter app. As far as I know, it free, and I'm sure it's been suggested before, but it TED talk that goes along with it (worth watching) is about using a video game model to overcome obstacles in real life.

Of course this may only ameliorate the need for actual help, but hey it's a place to start.

Are the dreams repeated or different every time? Is there anything that comes up repeatedly? It sounds like there is something bothering you at the moment, do you know what it might be? Nightmares are our brain’s way of dumping our fear and the dissociation comes as a coping mechanism when whatever stresses us is too much to handle.

This link might help you It might help to also track down your dreams everyday to see any patterns and if you need help with knowing what is bothering you I highly recommend you try out an the app “Youper”

I hope this helps!

Meetups for social anxiety/depression could help. I went to one before and it was good to be around people who understand. You can get your socialization fix without being too uncomfortable. Although the initial stage of going to the first one can cause anxiety, but once you're there you might feel better and then it's about just about practicing for exposure.

(meetup.com)

YES! go to meetup.com to meet a ton of people in your local area that do hobbies together! its one thing to pick up a new hobby BUT to do it with other people who like the hobby also is SO much more efficient and enriching!

Let me know what you think! I use meetup personally for dance classes, exercising, business seminars, etc.. I have met amazing people here and you will too!

Give HabitRPG a shot. https://habitica.com/static/front

It's an application that you can put on your phone that glorifies your to do list a little, and makes it sort of a game. Not perfect, but good to play around a bit with while you're still in the early skills of making and following through with routines.

This is a really good comment.

There are a few apps that can block you after you spend like an hour on social media (like the freedom app ).

You can try going for a walk if you enjoy that. I personnally start my day with a bit of yoga (search up yoga with Adrienne on youtube if you want a good place to start). And then I meditate for 10 minutes.

Try finding something "good" and "easy" to start off your day.

I used to go to the gym before the pandemic, but now I enjoy doing body routine stuff at home. If you have a Nintendo Switch, I cannot recommend Ring Fit Adventure enough. I was skeptical at first, but it definitely kicks my butt from time to time and I'm always breaking a sweat.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am currently struggling with the loss of my grandfather, step-father, and close friend. The grief recover handbook and counselling has given me some relief and helped me work through the complicated emotions that comes with losing someone.

https://www.amazon.ca/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

There's a website for free listening, if you think that might be helpful for you: https://www.7cups.com/

I have anxiety, and I recently bought some workbooks that are for working on it on your own. There are some for depression, too, like this one: https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Workbook-Depression-Step/dp/1608823806

Of course, talking with someone would be ideal, especially since it sounds like you don't have people you feel like you can speak with. I hope you find good suggestions here that help you.

Definitely make sure to bring this up in your follow up dr visit.

For now, you might be surprised what mindful meditation can do. I'd highly recommend guided meditation like Headspace, but if you're not on android, try a Google search or use one of the Spotify playlists.

I use this occasionally as I'm waking up, or to help me get to sleep.

You have some great resources and advice already, so I'll second all of it and try to stick to ones I haven't seen yet. I really like Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It's similar to CBT but with a meditative bent, and it emphasizes radical acceptance. I really liked this workbook in particular.

Therapy and medication have been very important tools in my recovery, but it took a while to find the right balance of everything. I know you can't afford that right now, but I think it's worth continuing to keep it in mind as an option for when you're able. Medication is different for everybody, but I can tell you my experiences. I tried some drugs that were not helpful or that had side effects that negated their benefits. It was difficult finding the right medication for me. Even the medication I'm on now took a while before the side effects went away. But it makes me feel like I'm just myself but without the depression. My experiences with it have convinced me that depression is a fundamental part of my biology. That doesn't mean it's the same for you, but I do suspect that a lot of people could be helped by mental health drugs but resist them due to internalized stigma or life circumstances.

Another thing is that I know a lot of mental illnesses become more acute in the late teens and early 20s. It sucks and it is so painful, but it doesn't mean you will be that depressed forever. I was suicidal for about two years and very, very depressed for another two years before that and one year after. Now I still have depression, but it's very well managed. My depressive episodes are rare and mild as long as I'm mindful of my treatment regimen. I hope that you can get to a better place soon, too.

It sounds like you're being really proactive about this. I wish you the best of luck!

For anyone who is interested, I can recommend this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure-6-Step-Program-without/dp/0738213888/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1519117080&sr=8-3&keywords=the+depression+cure

it's basically a 6-step program:

• omega-3 supplementation
• vitamin-D supplementation + sunlight lamp
• exercise
• socialize
• good sleep
• engaging activity.

it worked for me.

Also I recommend meditation

No worries, we all do better when we help each other out :)

It's good you're not giving up yet. Just keep experimenting and trying things out. Your first job might be pretty tough, but people have all sorts of unusual career paths that end up in interesting places. Keep your eye out for people with similar backgrounds to you who seem to enjoy their work and maybe ask them how they got there. Skilled trades like plumbing or electrician might be a good route to try to get into eventually because you can often work independently (so you keep all the money you earn) and apparently the work can be quite interesting (though I don't really know anything about these fields). And try to enjoy the rest of your life outside work - then even if work is bad, it doesn't matter so much.

You said that you're not sure whether there's any way to get out of your mindset. I've found cognitive behavioural therapy really helpful for this. It's all about getting a more reasonable view of life and not seeing everything so negative. If you can't access free therapy, there are books where you can do it yourself. I found the book feeling good really helpful for this. There's a free pdf of it here. It's kind of a cheesy title, but it's not about faking positive thinking. It's more about getting a view of life that's not distorted by overly negative thoughts. Maybe you can also seek out the happiest people at whatever job you end up in, and ask them how they manage it.

yeah publishing today is weird. If you aren't published before, traditional publishers want to see an MFA credential. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

My advice today would be to start a blog. Find a copy of "writers market" and look for people who will buy short stories. Write and sell some short stories. (You might not want to blog them as that MIGHT be considered "published", but you can do prototypes and starter pieces on the blog).

Do some small stuff to build up your confidence.

Also, two good books to read: Gerald M. Weinberg's Fieldstone Method book and Steven King's "On Writing." Those will likely help a lot. One of Jerry's points is that people who want to /write/ and can enjoy the process will tend to be happy than those who want to /have written/ or been published.

Good luck!

Negative Visualization (thinking about how things could be worse, which makes you appreciate what you have) is described in "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" is another way to do it. Get it from your library.

Quick free summary here:

https://howtobeastoic.wordpress.com/2015/03/26/irvine-on-negative-visualization/

Hey, writing is a huge passion for me as well. I was just in the middle of recommending Stephen King's "On Writing" when I decided to read your other post and realized you were way ahead of me.
It seems you are really concerned in being the best and that determination to be the best can be used to fuel your success. At 15 you have an incredible potential to improve. Your brain is still developing and forming new connections, your perception of the world has only begun to form. Personally, those high school years were rough. I was always incredibly hard on myself for everything that I did. Even if there was an objective scale that declared my work as the greatest in all of time and space, I would still deny it and continue reaching for more. I did some quick looking around and found this, I think it will best explain what I think will help you. http://soulanatomy.org/the-psychological-reason-creative-people-are-their-own-worst-critics/

Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to expose your work to the world. You will improve with time, there is no sense in condemning yourself to obscurity so early in the process.

Supplements This isn't a daily supplement, but for really bad spots I will use kratom. It's legal in my state, it gets me into a positive state of mind, and I don't feel worse afterwards (like I do when resorting to other things to change my state like alcohol or energy drinks).

Meditation I found a free online book called Mindfulness in Plain English that was great. You'll find that most of the perceived difficulties are just part of the process.

Well, that's not nothing. It's really hard though, because we're pushed to be "passionate" about everything. Not everybody has the romance of the century, and not everybody is fantastically passionate about their job etc. either.

I watch a lot of TV too lol. I wish I could be more help? I mostly want you to know that someone's willing to try to help you brainstorm a bit.

All I know is what helped me: a combination of a lot of buddhist/hindu/catholic teaching, some great meds, and falling in love. So, I really recommend reading The World's Religions, by Huston Smith, or The Miracle of Mindfulness, by Thich Nhat Hanh. They made me feel better, at least. Made me think that maybe life isn't about being happy.

In that vein, I recommend The Happiness Trap.

I know, of course, that you are going to have a lot of trouble doing any of this, and I don't blame you. Sometimes brain rest is more therapeutic than whatever else you could be doing.

I heard the story of a man who had so much trouble getting out of bed he just never did a lot of days. So his therapist told him to get out of bed one toe at a time. Every toe you get out of bed is a victory.

IDK if that story is helpful, but I liked it. So if I'm struggling to do a thing, I break it into embarrassingly tiny chunks of work. If I'm having trouble eating, I make myself a big plate of something, and eat it over the course of hours, a few bites at a time. Yeah it gets kinda gross and cold but at least I haven't starved yet.

Anyway, yeah. I wish I had a magic bullet for you. What's changing? Has this been ongoing for a while?

I really enjoyed 10% Happier by Dan Harris and How to Train a Wild Elephant by Jan Chozen Bays MD. I also subscribed to /r/meditation, /r/getdisciplined and /r/GetMotivated, which helped me plan and stick to my new meditation and mindfulness routines.

I'm glad you're coming to terms with loving and forgiving yourself - best of luck!

Efficacy depends on the type of counseling. I'm pretty logical and like CBT as opposed to mindfulness or interpersonal training. You can try CBT yourself with "The Feeling Good Handbook" but it's a lot more likely to work with some guidance -- luckily it usually takes less time (a couple of weeks, meeting once or twice a week).

Support groups are also great -- being around people with the same issue made me feel human again.

I think you need to adjust your understanding of "meaning" so it is more in line with the reality of the human experience. Death and suffering are an inevitable part of life, they are not some failure that makes the rest of it pointless. You're focusing only on the result of your actions (saving lives) and not on the process itself (making an effort to save a life, despite knowing that you might fail). The process is where you will experience meaning. I recommend you read Read Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning" or listen to the audiobook on Youtube. Viktor Frankl was a Jewish philosopher who survived a Nazi concentration camp. The premise of his book is that there is meaning in suffering itself. He wrote, "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." The meaning you are looking for is in how you will rise to the challenge of being a police officer even knowing that you are ultimately helpless to defeat death. The audiobook is available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4ulov680X0

I am with you. I'm your typical INTJ tech worker.

Except I read books on positive thinking. Think and Grow Rich. Power of Positive Thinking. Rationally speaking, there's a power to pure optimism. It works.

You tend to become your thoughts so it bheooves you to stay positive and not set false barriers.

Try this as an experiment: one day with no negative thoughts. Don't question it or how, just do it and seen how you feel.

There's no one single idea that solves the problem. The best I can do is give you what seems like the short list of important ideas.

Healthy lifestyle - We're living in the modern world with our prehistoric genes as best as we can. What hurts us is stress and isolation. What helps us is fun, interesting activity, esp. physical, out in the sunlight with friends. For more on lifestyle therapy, go to Metapsychology and read a psychologist's review of the book by Steve Ilardi, PhD, therapist/researcher, head of the Univ of Kansas lifestyle-depression project.

A lot of our trouble comes from excessive use of the word "must." A good habit is staying in touch with your feelings, noticing bad mood shifts when they happen and the thought that comes along with them. You don't have to struggle with false or otherwise useless thoughts that trouble you. Recognize them for what they are. A good rule of thumb is to spot a negative thought and replace it with two positive ones. The book recommended most often for depression by professionals is The Feeling Good Handbook by CBT expert David Burns, MD.

Stress is a very important factor among the causes of depression. Time magazine had a cover story in Jan., '14 - "The Mindful Revolution." Anderson Cooper took MBSR for his 60 Minutes report and said, "It changed my life." Universities and mental health professionals have recognized the free online course Palouse Mindfulness, described by its designer as, "a complete eight-week MBSR course, designed for people who are not able to take a live MBSR course for financial or logistical reasons."

> I will have nothing to say

If you're meeting people for the first time, then do a relaxation exercise to calm down. Yoga poses and/or breathing exercises could help with this.

Have you read "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie? It recommends asking people questions about themselves and acting interested because people love talking about themselves.

> I will be boring

Are you bored in your life right now? Are there any activities that you like doing? Any hobbies you could try out?

> I wont be entertaining I am not fun

Do you take time out to relax and do pleasurable activities?

> They wont like me

Write down your positive qualities. And think of this way, what if the worst happened and they did dislike you...would it be a catastrophe or just an inconvenience?

Also-do you like everyone? I'm sure you have your likes and dislikes just like everyone else has. The world is not fair-sometimes there is rejection but you have to practice meeting new people and socializing over and over again in order to get good at it.

I'll second this and suggest you read Full Catastrophe Livingby Jon Kabat Zinn. I've spent the last 10 years going nowhere with CBT. Been suicidal for 4 years. This past month has been the first time that I may be able to work around mental illness. As the previous user suggested it is MBSR- Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction

Read Models by Mark Manson. You seem quite young and I just wish I could have read it 10 years ago. It's not a book on how to pick up girls with good lines or how to dress to find a girl. It is much better than that.

I would try getting a copy of David Burn's book "The Feeling Good Handbook". That book will systematically teach you how to to overcome depression by teaching you to talk back the distorted negative thoughts that keep depressed people feeling down. The techniques in that book are amazing and helped me tremendously when I was very very depressed two years ago, after years of being fairly depressed. The general approach Burns takes in that book has been validated by 30 years worth of empirical research and now there are some studies suggesting that reading that book and doing exercises from it are as effective as going to see a psychiatrist or antidepressants.[1]

**Shameless Plug**

I am practicing teaching these techniques to others, if you are interested contact me at .

[1] Gregory, R. J., Schwer Canning, S., Lee, T. W., & Wise, J. C. (2004). Cognitive Bibliotherapy for Depression: A Meta-Analysis. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 35(3), 275-280. http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/pro/35/3/275.pdf

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl - An existentialist's story of his experience surviving Auschwitz and a very good book about the human condition. It puts things in perspective, but it doesn't belittle your problems, quite the opposite. I couldn't put it down when I read it in High School, and I'm sure even then some of it was over my head.

I also have been reading The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, which is a very insightful book regarding the definition of confidence. It dispels a lot of myths about what it is and how one goes about getting it, and uses a type of Therapy to help understand and prevent many of the negative thought processes that cause and propagate depression. I liked it because it offered a cognitive approach to sorting through my problems that talk therapy did not.

Hey dude. I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now.

You've made a good list of things that are subpar, and you want to change. You don't have to fix everything right away, or fix everything right now. Fighting against depression is a pain in the ass. Sometimes meditation, or gratitude practice, or exercise doesn't help that day, but you know what? It's not always about moving forward, or success - it's about just keeping on and trying new shit, when the shit you're doing isn't working for you. And sometimes seeking help when you're at a total loss - if you're not comfortable opening up to friends or family, a therapist might be a really helpful person to have on your side. I know I'm a DIY kind of person, and I found this book really helpful.

I think it's hard to make really specific recommendations to a situation, because you'll always know your situation better than anybody here. A lot of feeling alright is changing the relationship with you have with yourself, and how you narrate your life. When I'm beating myself up particularly hard, I try to imagine what I would tell a friend in the same situation.

Anyways, best of luck. You're certainly not alone.

Well the good news is you can overcome this, the bad news is it takes effort and time. Get this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Gillian/dp/1849010005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1425218074&sr=8-1&keywords=overcoming+social+anxiety[1]

It's prescribed by the NHS, written by specialist doctors etc. It's the real deal, not some bullshit written by a self entitled self help guru. As for the physique, join a gym and start doing strength training and bulking. /r/gainit is a good community with lots of good guidelines.

Don't worry, I guarantee that if you're committed to change then in a few years you'll look back and see how far you've come.

Depression and being sad are two different things. You do sound depressed to me. I've had depression for quite a while and the first thing I notice during low points is that I sleep more and feel detached, not that I feel sad.

Have you heard of the tiny house movement? Or have you considered homesteading or something similar? Try reading this book. It seems like that sort of life might appeal to you. If you're attached to having a lot of stuff and etc, it might not, but it's possible to seriously cut down your expenses and not really have to work.