What are /r/hoarding's favorite Products & Services?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Learning to Leave: A Women's Guide https://www.amazon.com/dp/0446394831/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_GRCHJ5ZXQZGVA8DPHYAJ

This is the book that saved my life and my infant daughter’s life 30 years ago. I cooked and cleaned, nodded and smiled, then disappeared. No regrets. God bless you

A good update!

>I was a bit disheartened by the behaviour of two of the kids. I can be sympathetic, as they’ve been dealing with the hoarding for much longer than the spouses have. The guys would make jokes about an expiration date, and make other insensitive comments, IMO.

So this is one of the toughest parts of dealing with a hoarding parent.

The children of hoarders (CoH), as you say, have been dealing with the hoarding for a long time Chances are good that they have some frustration and even anger about it towards the parent's hoarding. When confronting the hoard itself, they'll probably express it.

The hoarding parent, on the other hand, has a great deal of shame and embarrassment about their hoarding. Hearing their children express their thoughts, even jokingly, about the hoard is deeply hurtful to the hoarding parent and can result in set-backs.

So you're left with a conundrum:

• The children of hoarders, who need to express their feelings
• The hoarding parents, who aren't ready to process those expressions and who can suffer serious setbacks

I suggest you get your hands on a copy of Children of Hoarders: How to Minimize Conflict, Reduce the Clutter, and Improve Your Relationship by Dr. Fugen Neziroglu. The book explores strategies for communicating with hoarder parents, and outlines practical intervention skills. It also helps the CoH process their own feelings about the hoarding.

I'm sorry that you had to give up things when you didn't feel ready. I'm sure your son was only trying to help.

I think the emotional loss you feel right now is greater than the actual replacement-value loss of the items - but no mistake, your feelings are valid. But maybe it will help to focus on 1) son's good intentions and 2) knowledge that youngest son's needs can be met relatively inexpensively?

Old textbooks really don't hold up, even writing. Your mother's books have great sentimental value for you but I don't think they would do the best job for your youngest. Also, you can get the Herroit box set for $35 from Amazon, if you really need it. But your library should be able to place an inter-library loan request for you, too. Your son's school should also be able to do that and get the books pretty quickly.

Edit: Maybe you can try also recognizing that the value of the books lies in your awareness of them, not the physical shells. Physical items are replaceable. The fact that you had knowledge of certain books relevant to your child's interest, and could tell him -- that's the real value. You might be frustrated that you need to do things a little differently (place a library request, order online) in order to get the physical book, but it's do-able.

So here's the problem with negotiating with hoarders:

You can't reason someone out of a position that he didn't reason himself into.

Hoarders don't hoard because of logical reasons. Hoarding in and of itself is a fundamentally illogical. Collectible items and things with monetary value have to be stored in ways to preserve their value and they have to be insured. Hoarders don't do any of that.

Hoarders hoard because of emotional reasons. They justify their hoarding behaviors with what they perceive to be logical reasons ("It's valuable", "I might need that someday", "I'm going to use it for a project", "I'm going to sell it", etc.), but their logical doesn't bear out because they don't do any of the other things their logic would demand they do.

What researchers have found is that many hoarders acquire and keep things as a coping mechanism for extremely intense emotional pain. That pain can result from anxiety disorder, PTSD, depression, and more.

Before you attempt to help your hoarders, take a look at this post:

"I Have A Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!" Your Hoarding Quick-Start Kit

Hoarding is a bona fide mental disorder, so it's critical to educate yourself on it before you try to help your parents.

We also recommend the book Children of Hoarders: How to Minimize Conflict, Reduce the Clutter, and Improve Your Relationship by Dr. Fugen Neziroglu. The book explores strategies for communicating with hoarder parents, and outlines practical intervention skills.

> I don't know what to do at this point. I'm frustrated. I'm trying to wait to confront her until I can do so calmly, because right now I'm angry, but I need her to understand that the smell is not acceptable.

I don't know where you're located, but you might consider seeking counseling support for yourself. Learning how to establish and keep boundaries with someone who's dealing with a mental illness is very difficult, and a good therapist can give you the right tools for it

I also recommend the book Children of Hoarders: How to Minimize Conflict, Reduce the Clutter, and Improve Your Relationship by Dr. Fugen Neziroglu. The book explores strategies for communicating with hoarder parents, and outlines practical intervention skills.

Have you tried boiling vinegar to remove bad odours? In the short term, it smells pretty nasty but it goes quickly. It's good for getting rid of really bad smells.

I don't think you can rely on your depressed friend, he sounds like he's going through some pretty tough times himself. I'd keep saving, and keep looking for alternative living arrangements in your area if you can.

If you sign up for Good Reads, you can scan covers (maybe barcodes also) for your books and keep a digital library!

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.goodreads

https://itunes.apple.com/app/apple-store/id355833469?mt=8

I am in the same boat, one thing that helps is the long handled brush like OXO Good Grips Extendable Tub and Tile Scrubber https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00L9X4WCE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9NT6G0ZCMWNKXH56NQWX

I spay with scrubbing bubbles and then us the brush after a minute be kind to your self just do the inside the edges can be done at another time. It doesnt have to be perfect. Sometimes talking to myself helps like “just do five minutes” out loud. Youd be surprised how much you can do in 5 min. I just threw out 5 bottles of lotion from more than two years old and it was tough! But we can all do it!!!

I was around a level 5 out of 9 hoarding-wise and what really helped me was following the method in Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. It's the closest thing to a step-by-step guide as you can get in my opinion and it's how I dug myself out of my growing hoard. With it, I got rid of around 12 bags of clothes and at least 10 bags of trash and recycling (mostly boxes). I still have one last giant bag of clothes to donate and then I can get started on the next four categories. (The categories to go through in this order are: clothes, books, papers, komono (misc. stuff), and sentimental things.)

Kondo actually also has two other books that illustrate the how and why of her decluttering method, Spark Joy and The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up. Both are great for visual examples and are quick reads.

I'm currently reading Fumio Sasaki's book, Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism, and I can't recommend it enough.

I also recommend looking at The Minimalists' website and their documentary too. They were the ones who introduced me to minimalism.

I've not used it, but I've been told that www.bookscouter.com is a good choice. You plug the ISBNs into the website, and it'll show you how much 50+ online book buyers are willing to pay for them.

They even have a free mobile app that you can download:

• Android
• iOS

That app is handy if you want to check thrift stores, yard sales and estate sales for books that you can resell at a profit. Just scan the ISBN number to see what a particular book is currently selling for, and if it's more than what you can buy it for, snap it up and resell it.

Oh, and they have a price history tool on the website, so you can see how much a particular book has sold for in the past. That might could help you to identify a particular time of the year when your book will sell for more (esp. useful for college textbooks).

advion 383920 4 Tubes and 4 Plungers Cockroach German Roach Pest Control Inse, Brown https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00730QW70/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_550TQTNB3APY1CZ84SDJ

I don’t sell or have any gain from posting this! But I used this stuff after moving in to a roach infested house and it killed every single one of them. I was shocked. You can put it where the cats can’t get to it. I used maybe two tubes of it for a (smallish) 4 BR house with a full basement.

There's a couple of scales that might help you figure out where you are:

OC Foundation - Clutter Image Rating Scale A 1 to 9 scale

Nat'l Study Group on Chronic Disorganization - Clutter Hoarding Scale A 1 to 5 Scale

This book is helpful. https://www.amazon.com/Its-All-Too-Much-Living/dp/0743292650

He also has a video, which I have. The main thing is LIMITS. Determine what is a reasonable number of clothing, shoes, purses, etc., give yourself a timeline to get to that number and do not add any more items.

Selling clothes may not be worth your time and can simply prolong getting rid of things. Join a "Buy Nothing" group on Facebook or use Freecycle and give the items away.

Regardless, talk to the folks over at r/personalfinance about this.

I suggest, in the meantime, that instead of "loading a certain amount of my pay each week into a separate account to go towards repairs and cleaning costs", you instead write your parents a check every pay period. When you give them the check, they have to sign-and-date an invoice using one of those invoice books where you get a copy and your folks get a copy. By doing that, you're setting up a paper trail so that your parents can't conveniently forget that you gave them money.

I would also insist on seeing any repair bills, so that you're not paying for home repairs and cleaning beyond what you and your wife caused. For instance, if they need to replace a section of drywall and it's going to cost $400, make them give you a copy of that bill before you give them money. That way you know it's done, and they can't come back in a year and say "we need money for the drywall you damaged."

>advion 383920 4 Tubes and 4 Plungers Cockroach German Roach Pest Control Inse, Brown
>
>https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00730QW70/ref=cm\_sw\_r\_cp\_api\_glt\_fabc\_550TQTNB3APY1CZ84SDJ

I second this. This stuff is amazing.

Have you looked at a stainless steel cleaner like Cameo? My parents and I always use this on our stainless steel and aluminum, so I've never needed to use steel wool.

You can get it on Amazon, and I've also seen it at some grocery stores. I may have also seen it at one point at Bed Bath and Beyond, but I have no idea if they still carry it or not.

I know how hard it can be to be around a subtle trigger; I hope you can find a workaround that works for you! (Also, congrats on the new cookware! That's always a fun thing.)

I learned (in an Irrational Behavior course through Coursera) that once we possess something, it's harder to give it up. I suspect this is particularly powerful for those with hoarding issues. That's why there are 30 day offers of take items home and try it. The psychology behind this is once someone takes a product home, it's hard to return it because the person now possess it.
Dan Ariely addresses this in his book, Predictably Irrational: Ownership increases perceived value to the possessor People focus on losses (parting with a possession feels like a loss)

http://www.spring.org.uk/2008/04/6-quirks-of-ownership-how-possessions.php

Even though non-hoarders don't value what they see as 'junk.' Many hoarders see value in many of the items they have which makes it so hard to part with items. I do think everyone has to develop their own way of parting with excess (rather like dieting--one approach does not work for all but it's basically consume less, expend more and one has to become more active).

I think SammaATL is thinking of a comment I shared from Metafilter some time back.

MeFi had a a thread about someone who collected (and restores to working order) hundreds of old Apple computers, which led to discussion of how some of the users would collect lots of things if they could afford it:

> Coveting possessions is unhealthy. Here's how I look at it: > > All of the computers on Ebay are mine. In fact, everything on Ebay is already mine. All of those things are just in long term storage that I pay nothing for. Storage is free. > > When I want to take something out of storage, I just pay the for the storage costs for that particular thing up to that point, plus a nominal shipping fee, and my things are delivered to me so I can use them. When I am done with them, I return them to storage via Craigslist or Ebay, and I am given a fee as compensation for freeing up the storage facilities resources. > > This is also the case with all of my stuff that Amazon and Walmart are holding for me. I have antiques, priceless art, cars, estates, and jewels beyond the dreams of avarice. > > The world is my museum, displaying my collections on loan. The James Savages of the world are merely curators.

The point of the comment is that, rather than lamenting that you don't have the stuff you want, think of it as already yours. It's just in storage on eBay (or Amazon, or wherever), and all you have to do to get it is pay the storage fee.

It's a mind hack designed to help one manage the urge to buy something just to have it in your possession. Instead, assume it's already in your possession.

A simple solution you're probably already familiar with using would be an Excel spreadsheet... or the very popular free/open-source clone LibreOffice's spreadsheet app Calc. (LibreOffice also has a database app Base, if you prefer something more like Microsoft Access.)

And on eBay, be sure to check the search option for Sold Listings to get a more accurate valuation....

I feel for you. I cannot recommend this book enough: Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things

It was an absolute game changer for me. Filled me with empathy and understanding and helped me let go of decades of resentment.

There is a book called "Brain Lock" on the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder which you may find helpful. It shows that the brain can change with treatment. There is hope.

OCD may be a component of hoarding behavior and you may find the approach described would be useful.

Here is a link to the Amazon listing so you can check a preview of it.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CY3A8V6/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

See if she will read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It is sort of a minimalist book, very easy read, and she only keeps things that bring immense joy to your life. It helped me accept trashing all my old school binders and notes, sentimental photos, etc.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. It's a really stressful situation, I really hope that your dad becomes more self-aware of this problem soon.

In the event that he doesn't, or if you'd just like a better understanding on what kind of hoarding he's suffering from and why, I recently read a great book called Children of Hoarders. It breaks down the disorder really clearly, helps you identify what type of hoarding behaviour your parent is prone to, what motivates them to be that way, and then focuses on helping you cope with your parent's behaviour without enabling them.

It's not a book about how to help your parent clean up - it's about salvaging your relationship with them outside of the hoarding, and healing if their hoarding behaviour has affected your life negatively. If you know your days with your dad are limited and you want to learn how to communicate with him better and make the most of your time together while you can, this may be a great start. There's also a section on how to cope with being left with the hoard after your parent's death. I really hope I'll never need that chapter, but I'm very glad I have it just in case.

Best of luck with it. I wish you all the best.

I have gotten rid of lots of items via Freecycle, I put them on my porch and they are gone and put to good use. You should join, Freecycle is an online community of people who freely give away items that are still useful to those who have a use for them, see:

http://my.freecycle.org

I have read a lot on this topic and the books have all kind of morphed into one so it's hard to remember what has been helpful. I do remember Stuff enlightening me in new ways but you said you needed something more practical so this one might fit the bill:

Throw out fifty things : clear the clutter, find your life Author: Gail Blanke

http://www.worldcat.org/oclc/225870185

A buddy might also help, I do have me some clutter and people were coming to photograph my house last week so my sister came and helped me a few days before, we kept each other on task and were able to move big stuff around that I could not move myself. We made a trip to a local thrift store and another place to donate some items. I might be interested in being clutter busting buddies if you don't live too far.

Regardless of the cause, it sounds like executive dysfuction is the issue, and tips written for people with ADHD will probably help.

I've gone the route of being glued to my phone and using apps like Loop Habit Tracker and Regularly along with the calendar to tell me what needs doing when, otherwise months would pass and I'd not notice I never washed my bedding... I'm still not doing everything to keep my place clean and tidy, but as I feel less overwhelmed I add one new task at a time. First it was taking out the bins each week, then laundry every week, then changing bedding every other week, now I've added cleaning the toilet every week. Fortunately I live with a partner who does the washing up, living alone that's probably the one to start with.

Get yourself a copy of the book Children of Hoarders: How to Minimize Conflict, Reduce the Clutter, and Improve Your Relationship by Dr. Fugen Neziroglu. The book explores strategies for communicating with hoarder parents, and outlines practical intervention skills.

It’s a Whitmore - this one. I’m not sure they make this particular one any more, but they have one very similar, and you might still be able to find one at Lowe’s or Home Depot. It holds 36 pairs of shoes.

Armor up. Head-to-toe denim, cover your hair and put peppermint oil in your face mask. I like the gloves I bought at the auto-parts store even if they are a bit pricey. I'm not endorsing this specific pair. https://www.amazon.com/PRlME-DAY-ONLY-MECHANIC-Working/dp/B01ISSRYZ4 Cover them in plastic if it makes you less-unhappy.

You just need to unmouse what you aren't throwing away. You can call an exterminator once the house is empty if it isn't being condemned. Daylight everything that is being moved and put it into a new box. Do not give mice the chance to hitch a ride.

It would be nice if the local animal shelter could give you a sterilized cat that they don't mind if it becomes feral again.

I used this stuff after moving into a place that was infested and the landlords wouldn’t do anything about it:

advion 383920 4 Tubes and 4 Plungers Cockroach German Roach Pest Control Inse, Brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00730QW70/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_V4dYFb2ZDDMGX

I swear it was like a miracle. I put it in the corners of the kitchen (as well as other places) and the next morning I found dozens of dead roaches on the kitchen floor. I swept them up and the next morning there were dozens more. It literally killed all the cockroaches in the entire place, which I didn’t think was possible. After a week or so, I used my vacuum and vacuumed the inside of all the cupboards and washed the shelves to get the hidden ones disposed of.

I made an effort at getting all the food and trash out of my place but I had three teens and honestly it was never fully clean, and this still worked. So do what you can with the trash and food but you can start using this right away, you don’t have to get all that stuff out first.

I had two cats so I put it in obscure corners they couldn’t reach and they were never harmed.

Your thoughts on sentimentality and on the obstacles to selling/donating/freecycling are very relatable to me. I could have written parts of this. Thanks for your sincere words, they really help not feeling alone in it. Give yourself permission to get rid of lower hanging fruit. I can happily burn sentimental journals now if I first scan them into cloud storage. It might work for some of your material.

Scannable (iPhone) Office Lens

Those are the apps I use. I have both on my phone and use them all the time.

So sorry you're dealing with this.

If you haven't already, check out Children of Hoarders: How to Minimize Conflict, Reduce the Clutter, and Improve Your Relationship by Dr. Fugen Neziroglu. The book explores strategies for communicating with hoarder parents, and outlines practical intervention skills.

Now, this book was written pre-COVID, so some of those strategies and interventions aren't going to be useful right now. But there's a lot of good information about why your parents might hoard, and how you can start planting the seeds in their minds of them getting comfortable with the idea of decluttering critical areas of the house.

Going to add one more, from The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. Does this item bring me joy? I think the author is totes OCD and not at all somebody I'd want to work with but it's a very different question than "it is useful" to me.

She also discusses the burden giving stuff to people to avoid throwing it away can cause, where they don't need or want it but experience guilt over getting rid of it. She does admit that she doesn't work with hoarders specifically in the book.

This totally is not going to help someone in the thick of it and not making progress, any more than the above list, but for the recovering, some of the baby steps out.

I also want to suggest www.7CupsofTea.com. It's free and available 24/7.

You can pick out what you need help on and the service pairs you up with someone with that specialty. You can chat with therapists or group chat, and you can even use it anonymously if you’re not up to revealing yourself to strangers.

EDIT: There's an App version, too. iOs Android

I am not normally in favor of allowing compulsions to drive decision making, but I feel so bad for your poor hands.

I don't need to know the details of your fears, and I apologize if this is intrusive, but if your issues are related to your perception of germ and bacteria contamination, you might really benefit from a UV sanitizing wand as a stopgap. NOT for your hands, please do not do that, but for the surfaces you're concerned were contaminated: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0894X5NMT

>My goal is to add sweeping under there to my every other day house sweep in hopes to keep it clean.

NOT to add to extra stuff in your house, but can I suggest a bona (or bona-type) mop/broom? The microfiber pads are washable and they pick up stuff that are tricky for brooms. They're great for hard floors and getting under furniture.

Bona Microfiber mop

I have this one . I've had it for 3 years and I love it. I do have a platform bed though.

Ive been browsing around here like crazy and i saw this link that might help you. It looks like it has some content around overcoming the shame and guilt of growing up with hoarders. Maybe its worth looking into?

Hoping for great outcomes in your life.

Children of Hoarders

I'm not sure bringing more things into the house will help here, but, this thing was worth every dime to me. Made cleaning the litterbox take less than a minute and no longer felt like a chore.

Omega Paw Roll 'N' Clean

Have you tried a mask like this? I have a similar one when I use a saw or spray paint and it’s great.

Something that can be used for cleaning walls, after you get the dust off, is a dry cleaning sponge.

For dusting I love microfiber cloths, they pick up a ton of dust without having to use water or cleaner. Get the kind that feel sticky, can find them in the automotive section. They can be washed and reused, just don't put them in the dryer.

They make smart labels, so you can put a qr/barcode on the box the item is in, and assign that barcode to every item in that box. Then later if you're searching for an item, you can search within the app and it'll tell you what box it's in and where it's at.

There are many variants of these

Also, I’ve donated some supplies to both my local women’s shelter and the local day program who serves adults with disabilities.

Also, you have permission to let the things go. Remember, the money is already spent. So fretting about it won’t make you richer. Instead consider viewing yourself as an optimist! You have lots of interests and that’s fine! Now time to give yourself space and time to work on those current interests.

In her book, Decluttering at the Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle with Stuff, Dana K. White talks about decluttering dreams and identities. Chapter 25. That book changed my life. I strongly recommend it.

Haha I do!

So I used to be a clothes hoarder. I had so many clothes, I was constantly in a mess as I couldn't wash, dry and organize them fast enough, and it got completely overwhelming.

The thing that changed everything was getting a chest of drawers and giving away my wardrobe. Now (nearly) everything has to fit into 3 large drawers and that's it. There's seasonal changes of clothes, but for that I just use 1 storage organizer, similar to this: https://www.amazon.com/Ziploc-727132-Flexible-Totes-Jumbo/dp/B003UEMD1M/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=zip+storage+bags+for+clothes&qid=1650042779&sprefix=zip+storage+%2Caps%2C163&sr=8-8 For me, having to put things individually on hangers was so time consuming and inconveniencing.

Now, I don't have clothes lying all over the place, my washing is completely manageable and I can find what I need straightaway :-) In fact, I recently decluttered my clothes further and it's even more organized now.

I have a 3 drawer chest of drawers, but you can get some with more, dependent on your requirements. I try and pick one with deep drawers, so more storage in a compact space. I also roll my clothes to make better use of the space.

I hope that helps :-)

Here's an example of diamond painting: https://www.amazon.com/Diamond-Painting-Round-Adults-Butterfly/dp/B096NJ1S7D/ref=sxin_14_pa_sp_search_thematic_sspa?cv_ct_cx=diamond+art&keywords=diamond+art&pd_rd_i=B096NJ1S7D&pd_rd_r=13e6d5ac-ebf1-43cf-98cd-5391957b9049&pd_rd_w=a...

Basically you glue tiny colored beads (diamonds) onto an adhesive surface to make the painting. So it's like regular painting, but instead of paint, you stick individual diamonds onto the canvas.

Maybe look at a wall planter basket? They have mounting hardware on the flat side, and normally include the coconut coir liner, which you could take out for displaying things, or leave in for fruit and such so it won't fall through. Something like this is the type I'm thinking of.

For easier wall washing, try one of those big flip mops. Come more square inches in less time.

The walls will not be as clean as hand washing, but if we are talking easy steps, this will help.

I have one like this, but a cheaper one might do just as well:

O-Cedar Hardwood Floor 'N More Microfiber Flip Mop https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B06XWGW243

I've removed carpets in many homes when we do a remodel. All carpets in all homes (no matter the cleanliness level) are disgusting. There is just no way to keep a carpet and underneath it clean long-term.

If you take a "box cutter" Link (this is one of my favorites) you can cut one-foot wide strips and roll the carpet up for disposal. This way the carpet can be easily handled and disposed of.

You should have plywood or chipboard for sub flooring. If you are lucky, there may be a luan or (finger's crossed) hardwood under that carpet. If it's plywood or chipboard, paint it! They make all kinds of floor paint in many colors. If it's hardwood, well, you hit the jackpot! Even old hardwood looks great once it's uncovered and washed with Murphy's Oil Soap.

Good luck!

We like this scratching post, it's cheap and effective. It's right in front of the couch side our cats wanted to scratch.

TRIXIE Scratching Post | 24" to 32" Tall https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B000NE2X3U/

I tell other people that they deserve new clothes after weight loss.

I did keep a new pair of pants that was only 4 men's sizes too small, which I know I can do in a matter of months if I start walking several miles per day. (I'm mentally handicapped and can't hold down a job anyway.)

I would just replace the other pair, but I can't figure out what they're called and I think they phased out in the aughts... Here we go, mine were simpler and not zipp-off. I miss zipp-off pants. https://www.amazon.com/Tripp-NYC-Lockup-Pants-Black/dp/B09GP14T4L

Someone I know decided to move to using biodegradable plates and utensils because she hates doing dishes . She's fine cleaning pots or skillets from cooking, but feels like dishes and silverware are just a too much hassle.

>Ever since I found out about Marie Kondo and her own techniques of cleaning around the house, I've been actively trying to declutter parts of the house on my own but it's honestly been draining my mental health so much when I should be doing my assignments/projects that have been due for weeks and everywhere I go, I'm still seeing so much mess that we should be getting rid of.

Marie says in one of the first chapters of Tidying Up that you can't clean others' stuff. She tried. And did it. For years. It creates a huge amount of resentment. She recommends, with a very strong argument, that you not do that.

high five

Recently they renamed it to Habitica. Can you put that in your post?

It's still working well for me.

This week I started to slack off about my new habits, coz I was focussing on intensive decluttering. The previously cleared surfaces started to rebuild, and I stopped some of my self-improvement stuff. I figured that the short-term deterioration was worth the huge long-term gain. Interestingly, my mood and motivation decreased, and I felt like I hit a wall.

But then my party started a new quest fighting a dragon, and I had to get back onto my chores so everyone doesn't die. The living area quickly became nice again. And yesterday I started to feel better again. I wonder if it'll become easier to declutter again?

Luckily Habitica saved me before the situation deteriorated very far.

Also, your post title is funny. I thought "ooh, there's someone with my attitude to username creation." It took a while to reslise: nope, that's me! :D

I have 4 cats and 2 boxes that I clean daily. I bought a sifting box that I use exclusively for cleaning purposes (I do not use it as the manufacturer suggests!). I keep the sifter in the garage until cleaning time. That cats actually potty in high side litter boxes that I keep filled with scoopable litter. Once a day, I get out the sifter pan, pour the all litter from one high side potty box into the sieve/ sifter pan, lift out the sieve to remove clumps, transfer the sieve to the extra pan that comes when the sifter, and dump the cleaned litter back into the high side pan. Then I do the second box. When I’ve sifted both, I just dump the clumps straight into the trash, no bagging required. I do keep a traditional scooper handy because occasionally I need to scrap a clump out of the bottom of the box, but this is minimal as long as I keep the litter at a decent level. Most days I spend a total of 5 minutes cleaning up litter after my 4 cats.

Van Ness CP5 Sifting Cat Pan/Litter Box with Frame, Blue/Gray,19'' x 15.13'' https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0002ASCO4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_Da7fgvHByExHG

When you are ready to play around, I recommend these: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07B88BZFL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_CWK0F8NJRDPDQBS5DRJ2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 They make moving heavier objects by yourself much easier. If you decide you don't like having the file cabinets elsewhere, you can just as easily move them back. No pressure at all: When you're ready :)

u/okpickle we have a post specifically for loved ones of hoarders: "I Have A Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!" Your Hoarding Quick-Start Kit. I especially recommend that you read the book Children of Hoarders: How to Minimize Conflict, Reduce the Clutter, and Improve Your Relationship by Dr. Fugen Neziroglu. The book explores strategies for communicating with hoarder parents, and outlines practical intervention skills.

Hoarding is a very complex mental disorder, and about half the time it's co-morbid with other mental health issues such as depression disorders, anxiety disorders, trauma disorders, or more. It's critical to educate yourself on hoarding disorder so that you don't inadvertently make things worse.

I have this awesome hexagon timer clock I got from Amazon to help me do just that! I use that method (or a modified version) to help me be more efficient in so many tasks in my life!

TERRO T300B Liquid Ant Killer, 12 Bait Stations https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00E4GACB8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_4XJZQW7J0WH2K5TS4S2C

This or the Diatomaceous earth someone else mentioned. Both are awesome. You can sprinkle the earth around window sills and doors

There are two books recommended in our Wiki that you might wish to read:

• Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself, by Melody Beatty. From /u/hubbyofahoarder: “[This book] will be a revelation to you; when you read it, you'll feel the cold slap of recognition of your own behaviors. Co-dependence is often thought of from a substance abuse perspective, but in my anecdotal experience, and that of others, many SO's of hoarders are co-dependents".
• Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Dr.s Cloud & Townsend. Firm, consistent boundaries are the most important tool in your toolbox. Some people who live with their hoarders have had success by requiring common rooms and shared spaces to be clean and clear, while at the same time allowing the hoarder one room of their own to keep as they see fit (minus filth and vermin, of course). You'll have to be consistent and diligent daily to defend the clean spaces, but it can be done.

> and they’re covered in mouse droppings.

Viruses: you've heard of Hanta Virus

https://www.cdc.gov/hantavirus/index.html

This book from about 1995 predicted Coronavirus:

https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Plague-Emerging-Diseases-Balance/dp/0140250913

It starts with a mouse born virus that makes a whole bunch of CDC scientists Dog Sick--thankfully they did not bring it back to USA back then, and that is only because they were scientists who knew that would be bad. Really bad.

NO!

I will tell you that the Simple Cleaning Schedule basically changed my life. :)

If you'd like a book that gets into the specifics of how to clean quickly, I highly recommend the book <em>Speed Cleaning</em> by Jeff Campbell and the Clean Team. This is a specific plan (not tips! a plan of action!) on how to clean your home room by room: what room to start in, what tools you will need, where in the room to start, and so forth. This is, of course, the method to use once your house is organized. I use it and LOVE it!

If you haven't already, take the time to read Children of Hoarders: How to Minimize Conflict, Reduce the Clutter, and Improve Your Relationship by Dr. Fugen Neziroglu. The book explores strategies for communicating with hoarder parents, and outlines practical intervention skills. It also shows readers how to let go of the personal shame and guilt associated with being the child of a hoarder.

Yes, your tool example would be an example of the kind of thing I was trying to describe.

To you, and me, "tools" are a category, and so they match the subcategory "tool box" and thus tools go into the tool box.

But for your husband, it's probably about location and being able to see the tool. He probably struggled mightily with categories.

There's all sorts of speculation among researchers as to why hoarders have such a tough time categorizing, but there no definitive answers as of yet.

In the post I shared ("I Have a Hoarder In My Life, Help Me!"), we recommend a few books. The one I would urge you to read first is Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things by Doctors Randy Frost and Gail Sketekee. It's a great layman's introduction to hoarding disorder and how hoarders view their items. You'll probably recognize a lot of your husband's thinking in that book.

I’m a toy collector... what worked for me was just those cheap “shelving units” they sell at target. They’re made up of cubbies that you buy the cloth bins Target sells and slot the bins in the cubbies. We put a 2 cubby wide by 4 cubby tall unit on both sides of the bedroom closet and in the cubbies for me, I have one cubby with, like, all my Tamagotchis another holds Monster High dolls, another is my crochet yarn and tools and so on. My husband just uses them to neatly store his huge shoes and folded pants.

For my plushies, I got these wire shelving things from Amazon they’re actually incredibly sturdy, I could make the cubes in any size and shape arrangement I needed, and the 14” cloth bins Target sells fit perfectly in them, so some of the bins the opening faces up and I put smaller plushies in them while others the opening faces “out” and the plushies that sit in the cube are protected from any wire lines in the fur. They could also hold clothes or books or whatever. Just a great storage solution for me.

>to me, he doesn't sound so much of a hoarder as much as chronically disorganized brought on by untreated adhd. he has more a case of decision fatigue which is just as real as muscle fatigue from strenious exercise of muscles you don't normally use.

This, right here.

OP, are you familiar with the book You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! by Kate Kelly, et. al.. ? It's written by adults with ADD for adults with ADD, the is arguably one of the best books about ADD ever written. You might recognize your dad in it. See if it's at your local library for e-lending. It can help you talk to your dad about how he approaches his projects.

See also ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life This book was recommended by the parent of one of our Redditors. The parent has AD(H)D and hoarding tendencies, and found this book extremely useful. They said it was a relief to read a book written for the way their mind works.

Gloves.

I am a rancher and have to deal with really gross things all the time. Wearing gloves gives me a barrier between my skin and the object I am touching. I would recommend vinyl gloves for the food mess, (Amazon Link) or anything wet/damp. If you'd like, for the rest of the mess you can use cloth or leather gloves.

Start with a large trash bag and get all the food mess out of there ASAP. Dirty clothing/bedding is next. Do not just remove it, put it in the washer and get it going. Next will be any paper mess not food-related. By this time you should be able to see your floor and deal with the smaller items.

DO NOT worry about the unopened totes at this time! Your goal is to get rid of the mess that is causing you to have an insect infestation and not allowing you to walk through your room.

You CAN do this.

You just have to start building habits. Our grocery store was nice and put signs on the cart-corrals.

Go ahead an invest in a few nice bags. We ended up with 4 when they were 50 cents, and that's usually the right amount.

If you make some of these out of old t-shirts, it might be easy to carabiner them to your belt. https://www.amazon.com/Reusable-Grocery-Foldable-Integrated-Ripstop/dp/B00KGHPSNQ?th=1&amp;psc=1

I think I read about some of the same kinds of decision bias in Kahneman's Thinking, Fast and Slow. Sounds like Predictably Irrational might be even better for understanding how Behavioral Ecomonics applies to hoarding.

>Amazon donates 0.5% of the price of your eligible AmazonSmile purchases to the charitable organization of your choice. By using the link above you get to support a chairty and help keep this bot running through affiliate programs all at zero cost to you.

Totally agreeing with /u/redheadedgnomegirl. IANAADHD-specialist of any sort, but that's the first thing that I thought of. Hie thee to a qualified ADHD pro!

OP, if you like to read, you might also take a look at the book You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! by Kate Kelly, et. al.. ADD can absolutely be a factor in hoarding and in chronic disorganization. The book is written by adults with ADD for adults with ADD, and is considered one of the best books about ADD ever written for the general public.

Try these mouse traps. They're safe to be around humans. I've used them to good effect.

Greetings /u/BearFeeled and thanks for posting.

I can relate.

I have found solace in the open discussions here and through some of the reading I have been doing. Currently Co-Dependency No More is helping me to understand how I was able to get into this situation and hopefully help me to develop some skills to correct myself.

One major thing for me has been to REALLY understanding that you can not control another adult. And if someone is following a compulsive behavior then it is pointless (actually harmful) for me to "fix" them.

Additionally, I have found that therapy has allowed a "safe" place to discuss some of these issues and has greatly improved our communications (there is still a ways to go yet). I would highly recommend this as a starting place if possible with your spouse.

I am learning slowly how to set boundaries and how to enforce them, but it is difficult for me. I can hear that you desire to do the same, I would warn that doing this to abruptly/quickly without knowing what you really need/desire and how to present it in a focused way can really add gasoline to the fire. From what I have experienced and what I have learned, there is NO WAY your confronting/decluttering/etc is going to make any positive impact on her compulsive behavior (sorry for the bad news, but it just doesn't work like that).

Finally, I would be happy to talk about anything (no matter how small) with you on here or via PM at any time.

Once again, thank you for taking the time.

Your words are extremely helpful. Your idea of focusing on what I can do is very helpful.

This also goes very well with what I am learning from my reading in Codependent No More.

I know this is a process and I can only control myself, but I find it to be such an uphill battle cleaning something up after my wife only to find it almost immediately filled again with clutter. Or seeing my kids learning these bad habits. This coupled with the condemnation from her for doing her work is very difficult for me. I think this is why learning to focus on what "I" can control as you (and the books) suggest is so important.

Many thanks internet friend.

There's research indicating that more than 5% of households in the US are hoarded to some significant degree, and that less than 10% of hoarders are capable of discussing their problem consciously, let alone doing anything about it. The numbers are very much against you solving your problem through your independent willpower, but good luck! It's certainly not impossible!

If you have fixated on not only getting rid of the trash, but also excess non-trash, a good book to read is Marie Kondo's "Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" -- maybe check it out of your library. There is a specific and powerful psychological effect to purging everything that does not "spark joy", as she puts it. If you can do it all at once, category of possession by category, you'll probably be less likely to revert to your old ways. It's sort of more of an ancient religious discipline than a self-help trick.

Another way to surrender your attachment to material things is to go camping or biking long distance with very few possessions for a week or so. If you find yourself collecting things or needing more stuff to be comfortable, you probably aren't capable of going home and living light, but then at least you'll know that about yourself and can work on it.

Again, good luck! :)