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Brother I’ve been through this 4 damn times with my wife. It’s hell. A couple things, you can’t fix this. You can’t make it better. Because of that, you’re going to feel worthless. As men, we are “fix it” natured and this is something we cannot fix. Best thing is to be patient with your partner. She’s going to go through a lot so be patient and know that it will get better.

A couple resources for you: - https://www.miscarriageformen.com/ I know the guy who runs this and actually working with him to expand. - “Men and Miscarriage” by Aaron and MJ Gouveia

Men and Miscarriage: A Dad's Guide to Grief, Relationships, and Healing After Loss https://www.amazon.com/dp/1510763600/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_R64JX6QYAD20FADRMMF8

This book is great and I’ve been chatting back and forth with the author as well. I’ll even buy the book for you and send it your way if you’d like to give it a read. Send me your info in a DM.

Even apart from the book info, shoot me a DM if you want to chat.

Well here is what we brought that was actually helpful:

1.) 1-2 pillows from home for wife, 1 for you. Gotta be comfortable even once you get to your hospital room. I was there 2 days never leaving my wife and baby.

2.) Rechargeable portable fan. The hormone swings are real powerful after birth and keeping her cool can be important too. We got this one from amazon. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07D5BQBH9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

3.) Snacks. My wife was starving 2 minutes after birth. Trail mix, gogurt, juices are all very helpful in keeping her energy up during labor and right after.

4.) Long Charging cables. You never know how far away plugs are until you need them.

5.) Some simple toiletries. You both may need a quick shower for whatever reason if labor takes a long time.

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Hope this helps! Good luck to both of you.

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Remember to pack some patience for each other. This is a marathon not a sprint. You will make it!

I've been there. You have to realize that she's got a hurricane going on inside of her. Some people internalize it, some people externalize it, and it sounds like she is the former. It sucks. It's OK to be honest with her, but do so from a place of empathy for what she's going though (and with the knowledge that you can't possibly know what it's like for her). It's not that pregnancy gives someone a free pass to check out of their role in a relationship, but it can be scary as hell, and people deal with that kind of fear differently.

Talking to a therapist or counselor might well be your best bet here, because (a) you say you're experiencing depression, (b) you can vent without feeling like you're attacking your partner and (c) those feelings of fear and inadequacy about being a husband and father are things therapists have dealt with in other soon-to-be fathers, and they can definitely help you overcome them.

My situation may be very different from yours, but I definitely had some of the same fears you do. I once heard somebody say that childbirth is the most amazing thing that's happened to every single person on Earth. Fatherhood is the same. Just because your fears are common doesn't make them any less valid or painful. Talking to someone can help you get real context and understanding of them and keep you from making a decision in the moment that might have long-term consequences.

Once the baby is here, you might also check out And Baby Makes Three, which deals with how to maintain your relationship after the birth of a child. A good friend is a therapist and frequently recommends it to new parents.

This is a research done on Europe and USA showing the rates of STDs and HIV, Europe has much lower rates than US, even tho 90% of the males there are uncut.

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/storage/advfy/documents/fsest.pdf

I think Europe must just shake their heads when they hear institutions like CDC using circumcision as a HIV protection.

And this is a doctor from Oxford University criticizing CDC for releasing this new guidelines.

https://www.academia.edu/9603843/Brief_comment_on_the_proposed_guidelines_concerning_male_circumcision_to_be_issued_by_the_CDC

Belly pillow is not a sexy gift but she will thank you x1,000,000 late in the pregnancy. I think you should get it as an add on gift to whatever else you come up with. The last trimester, that pillow will be your wife’s new best friend. It’s called a Snoogle and they have multiple options. Here’s the one I bought two pregnancies and it’s been used A LOT. https://www.amazon.com/Leachco-Snoogle-Pregnancy-Maternity-Soothing/dp/B077SMGNW4/ref=sr_1_6?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIq9verLy15gIVCYvICh3gVAQ2EAAYASAAEgJs7PD_BwE&hvadid=323769035006&hvdev=t&hvlocphy=9011587&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqm...

https://www.webmd.com/baby/labor-signs#3-12

Give this a quick read. It explains dilation and effacement.

https://www.google.de/search?q=station+birth+canal&rlz=1C9BKJA_enDE590DE590&oq=station+birth&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l3.8431j1j4&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=Oo6tgMqyDLdQCM:

This is an image that shows you what the stations mean.

Instead of trying to explain it myself here’s a good article by the Mayo Clinic describing preeclampsia, it’s symptoms and risks.

Preeclampsia is serious. But it’s really good that it’s been caught. Listen to your doctors now. I wish you all the best.

Mild contractions, the ones that are 15-20 minutes apart, can fill a period anywhere from 8 to 12 hours on average. This is early labor and you aren't rushing to the hospital yet. You have some time to get home at this point. (I personally wouldn't use up the whole 8-12 hours to get home, but I also wouldn't stress as I am on my way.)

When contractions are 3-5 minutes apart and lasting 45-60 seconds, you are in active labor and should get to the hospital. Active labor can last 3-5 hours, so don't drive crazy now, but do drive to the hospital.

Transition phase is last. Contractions are 60-90 seconds long with no more than 2 minutes in between. You should be at the hospital by now.

Disclaimer that no two births are exactly the same, and your wife may slip between these phases more quickly than average. Get a contraction timer to take some of the guesswork out of things.

The ACA made coverage of breast pumps mandatory. You can't just go out and buy it at the store though, you have to go through certain agencies. After our son was born, we made arrangements through our chosen pediatrician to receive the breast pump from a company that accepted her insurance. We weren't able to order it until after the kid was born though.

Our options were a Medela Pump In Style for free, or a Medela Freestyle for $100. The Freestyle is definitely worth the upgrade.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find this statistic reassuring. While every pregnancy carries the risk of miscarriage, you're not more likely to have another just because you've had one.

Miscarriage is usually a one-time occurrence. Most women who miscarry go on to have healthy pregnancies after miscarriage. A small number of women — 1 percent — will have two or more miscarriages. The predicted risk of miscarriage in a future pregnancy remains about 14 percent after one miscarriage.

I hear ya. The pile tends to grow pretty damn quickly. My brother shared this prioritization method that might be helpful for you, as well. It basically has you write out every single thing swirling around your bran and then categorize it by 1) Important and Urgent 2) Important but not urgent 3) Not Important but urgent and 4) Not urgent and not important: https://weekplan.net/academy/weekly-planning/4-quadrants-of-time-management

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You got this!

Acetaminophen/ibuprofen/medications The staff cannot give you any if you aren't a patient.

Warm socks, 2 more pairs than you think you need, hospital's are cold and surprises happen

Blanket and pillow

Robe and slippers

Entertainment (Wi-Fi may be weak in the hospital)

Which hazel cleaning pads

Power strip

Long charging cables/battery pack

If you plan of getting pictures of the L.O., a cute outfit will be handy

A little something for the nursing staff, like chocolates. The nursing staff are the key to having a great stay or a mediocre one.

Sorry if this is redundant/something she’s doing already, but you could tell her that you did some research and wanted to know if she wants to try using ovulation predictor kits (I got these and they are cheap and easy, and come with much cheaper pregnancy test strips too https://www.amazon.com/Wondfo-Ovulation-Test-Strips-Pregnancy/dp/B00RY8UBNC/ref=mp_s_a_1_16?dchild=1&keywords=ovulation+strips&qid=1614124497&sr=8-16 ) also highly recommend tracking on the fertility friend app.

I’m a data nerd so having all that information to go on really helped me not to stress too much.

Good luck to you both, it seems like you are heading in the right, supportive direction!

Lurking mom here, I had a scheduled cs 6 months ago. A few quick thoughts:

She may be ill after the surgery, I vomited for a while, it sucked but once it passed I was fine. The days in the hospital are rough, it's going to be all on you to change diapers etc. You're going to be a pro!

The first shower is rough but easier in the hospital with the shower stall. If you have a tub shower at home like I do, stepping into it sideways was the only way to do it pain free.

Pack a blanket or small pillow for her to hold against her incision on the drive home. Bumps in the road are uncomfortable (this also helps with laughing, sneezing, etc.)

Make sure she sticks to her tyleonol/advil rotation (or whatever the doc advises). Sometimes you feel great and you forget a dose and then you will feel really not great at all.

If you have stairs at home, pick a floor each day and have her stay there. I ended up finding I slept best on our couch downstairs, with my husband bringing baby downstairs to me for each feed.

You can ask the hospital for a belly binder thing, it helps to keep everything sort of supported. This helped me feel better when walking, which helps you heal faster. It seemed to me that once I was able to stand up straight, that was really the point where I felt almost normal very soon. It's a long recovery, some people say they are fine right away, but it's OK if she isn't! It's major surgery and she should take the time she needs to heal.

After the binder, these were helpful to feel supported as well: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BCCWJZ9/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_asin\_title\_o02\_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Also this is a weird thing no one told me, the area around the incision becomes numb. I still have numbness, tbd if it will come back. It was just sort of a surprise that it wasn't mentioned to expect that.

Good luck!!!

I purchased The Expectant Father though I haven't gotten it yet to give any personal thoughts on it. It is highly reviewed on Amazon and have seen it in some lists of best books to get when expecting for dads.

I guess I'm the only one who'd vote for electronics? I just don't see myself wearing jewelry for a long while after birth.

I got a friend of mine one of these when she was done. It's inexpensive, sure, but well earned! :D

The "cheapness" is usually far overstated. It saves you $216 a year or 59 cents a day. I'll pay 59 cents for convenience.

https://www.mint.com/blog/consumer-iq/cloth-vs-disposable-diapers-a-cost-comparison-102011/

Also, there is no evidence that says they are better for diaper rash, only if your baby is allergic to synthetic materials

http://health.howstuffworks.com/skin-care/information/health-factors/cloth-diapers-better.htm

If you are willing to do so, or like the idea, or want to save landfill space, more power to you, but I once had someone tell me they saved $10,000 dollars, which is blatantly ridiculous.

I bought the book: We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook. I strongly recommend this, as it's basically What To Expect summarized for us with some additional advice on how we can make mommy's life easier during the pregnancy. I earned the moniker "Daddy Doula" during the delivery in no small part thanks to the advice contained within.

I will also add that YMMV, as no pregnancy is the same, and your significant other will tell you what she wants. Listen to that above all else!

We're Pregnant! The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/1939754682/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_2N3AQB045Z50HE77T5AK

Got the book Be Prepared - A Practical Handbook for New Dads in a Dad Box, finished it in one sitting. It’s hilarious and informative!

Jumping on here to recommend this workbook too

My therapist recommended it the first time around for me and it was super helpful

You're starting from a good spot. Try not to overcomplicate things, even the best laid plans get immediately derailed when it comes to kids.

I've found that a lot of pregnancy and baby reading can be very judgmental and prescriptive, so we mostly just avoid it. Keep it simple and you'll both be happy: Stay away from dangerous foods, don't drink/smoke/drug, get a lot of rest, get exercise, and eat a healthy diet along with prenatal supplements. Towards the end, the waiting gets stressful, so take a lot of walks, enjoy your last few days as a childless couple, and relax.

My favorite baby book is actually Be Prepared. Its light-hearted and has great info about what to look out for without being preachy about anything. It's very practical and my wife and I both agreed that it was more helpful than most of the mom guides which trend towards the "if your child has a french fry before age 10 you've failed them and they're going to become a crackhead" level of unhelpful specificity.

Edit: We're on baby #2, #1 is nearing her second birthday.

Chaaaaa brah! Congrats!!!! My wife just got into her 5th month of pregnancy. It's been a fun ride so far! Be there for her emotionally and physically by that just do the little things around the house for her. Be concious in trying to help her as she may feel like crap for those first 12-14 weeks.

Also, anti-nausea stuff. Try the pops, ginger candies, etc... We went through a bunch of those anti-nasua candies. What seemed to work best was honestly. Crackers. lol

Juices and Sparkling Water seem to do well with her.

This book has been good. It's super easy to digest on a week to week basis. https://www.amazon.com/Were-Pregnant-First-Pregnancy-Handbook/dp/1939754682

I'm a first time dad too. Cheers pal.

Here is, in no particular order, a short list of gifts I'm getting my wife, and the reasoning behind each.

• A pedicure. She really wants some form of pampering. I was also looking at massages, but I would be slightly concerned about a masseuse being too rough or using oils that might not be OK, etc.
• A new Android tablet. If nothing else, I figured it'd be something nice for her to have when she is in the hospital. It's also a little easier to use than a laptop when rocking the baby at stupid o'clock in the morning.
• A funny maternity shirt. Amazon has tons of them. She has so many nice maternity clothes that a funny one will be a nice change.
• An "adult" board game - similar to Cards Against Humanity in terms of humor. She can't really drink at gatherings but she loves to play board games, so risque games with a cheeky sense of humor are awesome.

These are the gifts I got her that actually reference her being pregnant. For other ideas...

• A funny book about babies or pregnancy. "Go the Fuck to Sleep," for example.
• A Snoogle. People rave about these things for good reason. They're absolutely wonderful things that are worth every penny.
• Baby clothes. "I love my mummy," that kind of thing. But don't get too much stuff that seems to be just for baby.
• Favorite books, movies, etc. that you don't seem to have picked up. Especially if they're ones that relate to kids in some way. For example, for my birthday I got the Bromeliad trilogy since they were the first novels I read as a child, and I'd love to read them to my own kids.

I wasn't aware of this either. I have a Chicco Keyfit 30 seat, and had ordered a pair of (not-Chicco) universal seat protectors from Amazon. The only protectors that I see that are made by Chicco are also universal. They fasten/attach exactly like the off brand ones I ordered.

https://www.amazon.com/Chicco-Universal-Protector-Undermat-Interior/dp/B01EAYVAJG/

I checked out that FB group but it has so much affiliate spam it's rather hard to find anything :\

Lots of hospitals use this blanket - our girl got one too! There’s a book about them on Amazon

For anyone looking for an alternative to Guva etc, there's an absolutely brilliant app called Chroma Doze that I can't recommend enough. It's free and open source (and also available on F-Droid). You basically "draw" the frequencies of noise you want: everything from hissy white noise to deep-space hums. Plus you can set it to have amplitude (to whoosh in and out, a bit like ocean waves) and other fun stuff.

This was our situation. We had our favorite girl names already picked when we found out we were having a boy. This app came in handy!

I just started reading So You're Going to be a Dad by Peter Downey. It's a funny nonpreachy breakdown of advice and anecdotal stories about making the transition into fatherhood.

I am a third of the way into this book and have not come across any religious slant at all. I was quite surprised when I looked for a link to it that the author has written a couple of Christian books and works as a Christian educator.

It's an old wive's tale that sex induces labor. Semen contains chemicals that ripen a woman's cervix (makes sense, because sperm wants to get inside). Obviously not enough to cause issues during pregnancy, but some say it's enough to tip a woman over the edge.

Yes, I've read about 10 so far, and it's top of my list along with Emily Oster's "Expecting Better"

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https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143125702/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_search\_asin\_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Science tells us that talking to the baby in-utero is important.

I do see your point. This is what I have been doing, just making a point to talk to mom while close to her belly. I tell the LO hello and goodbye and tell her that I love her.

I warned my dear wife well ahead of time that I would not be carrying a giant purse for this purpose.

She then turned up with a sweet Jeep (I love and own Jeeps) backpack with insulated pockets and even a gas-capped pocket for wipes.

It's not huge, but it fits everything we need and doesn't look odd when she's carrying it.

Under $50 on Amazon.com, here's the link.

Jeep Perfect Pockets Back Pack, Black https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D4LFDYA/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_RTXWtb0W2GVF1W90

Our doctor had this concern with my wife as well. In her case the placenta moved so its no longer a concern, but I did look up some information at the time. The biggest concern is that if it stays covering the cervix they will require a c-section, vaginal birth can cause too much bleeding so they don't even try. They've probably already covered this with you, but just making sure you know. Here's some more info on it that explains it pretty well. Best of luck to you guys, be sure she keeps an eye on any bleeding and report that to her doctor. And like you said, try to keep her relaxed as tough as that is.

I've heard something about testosterone levels changing when your partner is pregnant.

This was the first article that came up:

https://www.webmd.com/men/news/20141217/expectant-dads-may-also-have-hormonal-changes-study-suggests#1

Echoing the recommendation to get a pink dye. Here to add that these are reliable, and far more economical than the pharmacy ones.

Congratulations, I hope it turns out to be a true positive! I wish you both a healthy pregnancy and baby.

ETA: a plus with those is also being able to take multiple tests. I took them for 20 days to see the line darkening, indicating hcg levels were rising and I was not having a chemical or ectopic (due to prior loss).

Yep, for sure.

We definitely like the brushed nickel ones we got. They're a lot more comfortable to use and look better.

Here is the changing top we got- not necessarily this one, but something like it is handy: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B01CKOE0F4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_F6NK172CN257SX3TDC71?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

If you have a UV-C bulb for Covid, you can put it inside the Ubbi and run it for about 3 min after the bag is removed then take it out. Between the UV and the ozone, the smell is absolutely, totally gone.

Been doing this for a year now. Like magic.

We use one like this (ours has ozone too) in a cheap socket with on/off switch.

https://www.amazon.com/Germicidal-Sanitizer-Light-254nm-Ozone/dp/B08HFGSC3R/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=uv+bulb&qid=1624690484&sr=8-3

Another redditor I talked to was getting this and I thought it was a great idea. Wont be “useful” until the baby is here but I think she will really like it and the sentiment.

I really enjoyed From Dude To Dad. It has great info but also written in a very casual, funny and frank tone, and keeps it pretty simple. It definitely helped me realize some important things that helped us both get through the delivery.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0399166262/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_7NXYSTQW7913RAFEXGY3

I’m recently married and my in-laws are dreadful people.

This book is basically the “how-to” for establishing boundaries without pouring gasoline on the fire. And for providing perspective on the fire itself, and what you actually have control over.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

It has some Christian things in it, but it’s not cheesy and it isn’t preachy. You don’t have to be Christian to appreciate the logic and arguments of the book.

I wanted the same, more focus on personal changes and how fatherhood affects life rather than the nitty-gritty of “baby how-to’s”.

I can recommend “The Life of Dad: The Making of a Modern Father”; it’s by an evolutionary anthropologist, so it’s serious but not dry.

It talks through the science of bonding, including the hormonal changes experienced by men when they become fathers and how that impacts the bond they form. It’s also very encouraging of the unique role a father plays.

Mom of a 10 week old here! We take long daily walks in this: Chicco Bravo Trio

I love it. The carseat is great and easily snaps into the base in the car or into the stroller. The stroller collapses easily and is easy to get in and out of the car. Our walks are usually about 1.5 hours each day and we go on sidewalks, paved paths and sandy dirt walking trails. There's storage for my diaper bag and coat in the bottom and space for a drink and my phone up top. For my needs it's been great.

We went with Amazon. I think most importantly, buy and use the baby bargain book. It's updated every year , which is why I recommend buying it over borrowing it from a friend. What I particularly liked in the book is that they tell you what the must haves are and what crap you think you need that you actually don't (like baby wipe warmer and such). It also gives comprehensive reviews of items based on your budget.

I think I'm buying one of these from Amazon. My wife is very sentimental and will love something like this.

We got the Withings Home (currently $150 or so at Amazon). It has all the baby monitor functions you might expect except for a dedicated monitor:

• Baby monitor mode (I believe it goes audio only until it hears something, then alerts you and turns on video)
• Night vision
• Two-way talking
• Night light
• White noise and lullabies
• Air quality monitor

One feature I like is you can turn the cover to physically block the camera and shut it off. Plus it is also marketed as a security camera and hooks into IFTTT for home automation, so you can use it for that after it's done as a baby monitor.

There was going to be a new version this year, but it was only going to add Apple HomeKit support and apparently it was shelved over patent disputes, so the current model is the most up-to-date.

We got a cheap ~$50 video monitor on amazon and it's been great. Vid quality isn't stellar but we aren't exactly looking for Hollywood production. Monitor lasts about 5hrs on battery and the mic is relatively clear. This is it:

Video Baby Monitor - Night Vision Camera, Super clear picture and Two Way Audio System for Baby Safety & Security - Wall Hooks Included https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07333QWMW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_rs1Dzb0VEYTQB

Amazon! Not expensive either. The reviews say the hat is small but it fits our baby just fine

Newborn Baby Floral Sleeping Gown,Swaddle Sack Coming Home Sleepwear Romper Sleeping Bags Outfit +Striped Hat (Floral, 0-18 Months) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H26NMXS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Y.xkCbR95BAH8

Picture frame with the US is adorable.

Some other ideas:

-self massager. You can find this for cheaper I’m sure: Shiatsu Back Neck and Shoulder Massager with Heat - Electric Massage Pillow with 3D Deep Tissue Kneading for Foot, Legs, Body Muscle Pain Relief - Home, Office & Car Use https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DPKG8MT/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_GIs9Db3B3F2EH

-I did love my pregnancy pillow, so that’s a good idea also.

-my husband got me a picture of the graph of the baby’s heart beat, which was sweet. It has the date of the day we heard it and a sweet little message. He sent them a file of the sound of the heart beat. Not sure what site he used but I’m sure you can google it.

-wusic - this little device can pick up your baby’s heart beat at home. My bro let me borrow his, so my husband and I used it at least once a week and whenever I wanted to! We hooked it up to our little Bluetooth speakers (which have an aux port) and recorded it with our phones. I took videos of my husband looking for the heartbeat and finding it. Ugh it was such a nice bonding thing. You can also record your own heartbeat and play it for the baby when you have it, so it can listen to a familiar sound. I didn’t see my particular one on amazon (wusic) but there’s a website and they’re on Instagram. Thats something I loved while I was pregnant!

-Disney+? Now I’m just naming things that I do all day while taking care of my new baby.

Good luck!!

Edit: words.

Hey! I'm not a dad, I'm a pregnant mom of 2 (soon to be 3). This is an awesome subreddit.

I bought this for my pregnancy this time around because I have sacroilitis (SI joint dysfunction). It's terrible. Standing or sitting too long exacerbates the pain. This thing helps a lot.

https://www.amazon.com/Maternity-Belt-NEOtech-Pregnancy-Support/dp/B01GO2Q8ZS

HTH... Best of luck to you and your wife.

I honestly read one book, linked below, my wife did all the reading. Honestly each child is so different I just winged it and said I’ll figure it out as I go. It’s worked out so far!

Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!: How to Get (Both of You) Through the Next 9 Months https://www.amazon.com/dp/1440505365/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_BlhqFbWX1KR2F

Have her switch to having small snacks throughout the day instead of full meals, take B6 and Unisom at bedtime, and eat easy-to-digest foods (soft fruits, watery veggies, Google more).

No, you can't force her to go to the doctor. I think I get what you're trying to say with having "some sort of say," but man, saying you're entitled to it is a weird way to put it. Best to avoid that thought process. You should have a sit down and talk about how you are concerned, and talk about how it's not hassling—this is what the doctor's job is.

Depending on your wife's personality, she may be finding it difficult to have all these people telling her what to do—it makes it feel like other people don't trust her. Remind her that you do trust her, and that any information or advice you get from the doctor is just to help you help her better.

Learn how to communicate now, pronto, at just a few weeks in, otherwise you're gonna have a real tough pregnancy. I found it was easy to read this week by week guide and talk about what I had just read—took the edge off of it sounding like my neurosis.

I got this book and it was a really great guide, and helped put my mind at ease on a lot of issues. Enjoy the ride, my dude.

What has helped me was reading up on what to expect. I found this particular book very helpful:

The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance (Owner's and Instruction Manual) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1594745978/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ND0fFbYX0NJK5

Can you provide a recommended link?

Something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Frida-Mom-laboratorio-almohadillas-almohadilla/dp/B07TW86LR8/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=postpartum+kit&qid=1595258834&sr=8-3

It's called Feed Baby Pro and it's perfect. Both parents need to buy it, but seriously, it's amazing.

Pick up the book from Dave Ramsey called Total Money Makeover. It will help you step by step to get your finances straight. My wife and I are trying for a baby, but in the mean time we have been listening to and following Dave Ramsey's advice like it's a new religion. You can probably find it in your local library of you don't wanna spare the 10 bucks for it, but trust me, it's worth it!

Wife is a little over 14 weeks. We haven't decided on a name yet.

But we did find this cool android app called "babyname". Sort of like Tinder, but for baby names. Swipe left or right on names. It will pop up when you and your partner have a match. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=ru.drivepixels.babyname&hl=en

I just downloaded something called "Countdown Widget" and put it on my home screen. Screenshot and play link

I have pregnancy +, you get to pick if you are mother/father and it shows you progress day by day. Also has loads of other stuff like baby names, kick counter and so much more. There is a free version and a paid version. Give it a bash!

I really rate it: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hp.pregnancy.lite&hl=en_GB

Day one out of the hospital, if I recall. Everything about a baby is repetition and routine. Bed time is bath + settle down time (mommy baby snuggles, usually) + nursing/bottle + storytime. Each meal is the same, as best as possible, each day. It's super cliche to say it, but with a kid, failing to plan really is planning to fail.

Your wife isn't entirely wrong (and you should just tell her she's right anyways), just know that the longer you guys take to get the baby into a schedule, the tougher it is to break what has essentially become the baby's schedule.

BabyCenter is a pretty good resource on how to start a schedule. Let your wife be a mom for a little while, then when she's on her second week of sleep deprivation (because you've probably gone back to work by now), clue her in to this kind of information - http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-basics-of-baby-schedules-why-when-and-how-to-start-a-rou_3658352.bc

Help her out with anything you can do, because remember you can do everything but stick your nipple in the baby's mouth and expect milk to come out of it.

Oh, and comfort the shit out of her the first time you guys let him/her cry it out, if that's something you're going to do. 3 minutes will seem like 30, and you'll both probably be a mess.

I'd also recommend tracking...everything. We used an app on Android called Baby Connect to track bathroom stuff and every ounce that came out of Mom and into baby (as best as you can).

Edit: Also tracks sleep. I can actually go back and see all of that information.

We got the Infant Optics DXR-8 Pro which checks all your boxes except watch via phone.

We actually like having the dedicated monitor instead of on the phone. No worrying about the app chewing up your phone battery or otherwise not being able to use your phone for other stuff. No worrying about what company the video is streaming through or has claws in your data/privacy. No worrying about what happens if your internet connection goes out or your modem/router resets. No updates or app bloatware crap to deal with. Just a simple device that does a simple job well with no setup right out of the box. Also works really well as a baton to clearly hand-off who is "on duty".

The noise cancelling on the DXR-8 works incredibly well. It completely filters out the white noise machine we use.

If you want a suggestion that could help, try reading a chapter of the bible daily in the morning or before bed. Start with Matthew. Focusing your heart on God by meditating on his word will help your anxiety. This book could also help your heart to focus on God and loving your wife. Feel free to message me if you want to talk/pray

Well you didn't ask for help or suggestions but... there are things you can potentially do to improve your chances if you try again. My partner and I have had 2 miscarriages now. We are both in our early 40s. I'm guessing your wife may have been diagnosed with "Diminished Ovarian Reserve" which is more common as you get older.

My partner just got the book "It Starts with the Egg" and we have been reading it together. It is kind of dense on citing scientific papers and studies but it also has a lot of very good information about diminished ovarian reserve and what actually causes it.

TL;DR: The eggs themselves are probably still fine. What actually deteriorates with age is the infrastructure around the egg that helps it to mature in the 3-4 months leading up to ovulation. And there are things you can do to help support that infrastructure and improve your odds. A lot has to do with nutrition and there are supplements that can help - beyond standard prenatal vitamins.

We are trying again but might be looking into IFV if we have another miscarriage. This book has given me a lot of information that will help me come in to any discussions with a fertility specialist without feeling like an idiot toddler.

Good luck!

My wife and I both really enjoyed this book: The Simplest Baby Book in the... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1736894706?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Also check with your hospital to see if they offer any classes

I have Corsair K100 Let me tell you, when I say this is literally the best keyboard I've owned in my entire life, I mean it with every inch of my very being. This keyboard is absolutely PHENOMENAL. If you ever thought Razer had quality, then you need to set your eyes on this absolute beast.

I can tell you, the utility wheel does not get in the way of your gaming. In fact, there's a lock button right next to the wheel that disables it entirely. However, as someone who draws a lot on a tablet, I LOVE the utility of the keyboard as a whole. I can adjust the volume without opening up the slider, I can preprogram functions on my wheel that I can use on my art program, and I can even change the music on my keyboard with the onboard buttons right above the keypad. Even if you don't have a lot of use for things like this, the keyboard itself is fantastic.

I don't personally know a lot about specifics when it comes to what specs modern gaming keyboards have, but I really love the switches on this keyboard. I've always loved the clicky-claky tapping of a mechanical keyboard, so I was a little disappointed when I first started typing. Then, I realized, the sound of this keyboard is really therapeutic. The sound is so much more hollow, and relaxing, I feel like I want to write a book just for the sake of listening to the keyboard. Plus, it's a lot quieter, so you won't bother your friends as much over voice.

Careful on the oils, especially when there's a baby or animals. https://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/news/20170809/essential-oils-natural-doesnt-mean-risk-free

The firestick or similar is a good idea if she binges shows. An ereader. Does she have hobbies that can be done in bed like knitting?

How absolute is bed rest btw? She allowed to relocate to the couch for company? Get up and get water/food while you work?

Vtech makes a model that allows you to view from an included dedicated monitor and also an iPhone app. I didn’t like the idea of being forced to always use my phone to view the cam, but also didn’t like the idea of never being able to use my phone. I considered the nanit and other but ultimately the flexibility of a monitor/iPhone app and the cost won it for me.

VTech Upgraded Smart WiFi Baby... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WCV632L?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

We love our VTech audio monitor, because you can set limits on how loud it has to get before it actually transmits the sound. We use white noise machines, so having it transmit that noise is like torture. On top of that, we have the loundest freakin sleepers in the world! They made so many sounds as babies, we needed to tune it out to sleep.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B007NG5UF4/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_search\_asin\_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

My husband got me a gift card to a spa that offers prenatal massage and it was the best! Very nice to relax and take care of myself, especially when I was feeling so exhausted at the beginning of pregnancy.

A pregnancy/baby book if she doesn’t already have one. I got this one and LOVE it. It has room for updates until baby is 5.

I will also second the other suggestion about taking lots of pictures!

something like this

The kid we got it for is 5.5 years old so I doubt this is the same model

I’m a couple weeks ahead of you, these two books so far have been helpful. So many myths out there and felt like we’re head of the curve by figuring out diet and then some falsity checks

Real Food for Pregnancy: The... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0986295043?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Expecting Better: Why the... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143125702?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

https://www.amazon.com/Portable-Changing-Pad-Shoulder-Strap/dp/B09HXJM4GH/ref=sr\_1\_38?crid=1H5MEW926YMSR&keywords=diaper+bag+changing+pad&qid=1659734096&sprefix=diaper+bag+changing+pad%2Caps%2C104&sr=8-38

Mom of two here. I used these when I was pregnant with my second. I lost 35 pounds I was so nauseous all the time. I loved these. But to be safe, definitely have her dr confirm

https://www.amazon.com/Non-GMO-Project-Verified-Double-Tummydrops/dp/B01KEIPAHA/ref=sxts_rp_s_a_1_0?content-id=amzn1.sym.37bfdf6c-7ccf-4cc5-bf39-7ab64af31a28%3Aamzn1.sym.37bfdf6c-7ccf-4cc5-bf39-7ab64af31a28&cv_ct_cx=tummy+drops&keywords=tu...

https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=26KX89BHP52HG&keywords=nonviolent+communication&qid=1659561020&sprefix=nonviole%2Caps%2C161&sr=8-1

Great work!

For the really busy, there is also a cliff-notes version of The Birth Partner that is about half the length, but the typesetting on the print version is stupidly hard to read in low light. Never tried the kindle version.

The Expectant Father is what I see recommended. I actually like that he went into other fatherhood alternatives like surrogate, adoption, and infertility.

Everything you need to know for every scenario but not in long-form text…

The Simplest Baby Book in the World: The Illustrated, Grab-and-Do Guide for a Healthy, Happy Baby https://www.amazon.com/dp/1736894706/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Q4SBDFS40M7XN7SB2QE5

So much easier to consume to answer vital simple questions.

Nothing can prepare you adequately for parenthood. You learn on the job. Don’t have any expectations of what parenting is, love your kid and your partner with all your heart, and do the best you can.

Also reading these books helped me feel a bit more confident, but not as confident as my wife shouting instructions at me until I got it right.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0789214040/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_6Y1REKWZE1FSPXYB05JA

I HIGHLY recommend the First Time Fathers Handbook. I believe the author is a fellow predaddit reader and it breaks everything down very nicely. A lot of info is leaned towards the moms (understandably) in other research but this book was great for me.

https://www.amazon.ca/First-Time-Fathers-Handbook-Fatherhood-Pregnancy/dp/B09MYXXJ8R/ref=sr_1_2?crid=SK6XHGFSIQBW&keywords=first-time+fathers+handbook&qid=1652392076&sprefix=first-time+fathers+handbook%2Caps%2C109&sr=8-2

Hey man, good on you for asking about this. I was in the same boat before my daughter's birth and I was super stressed about not having this basic experience beforehand.

If they are available in your area, I highly recommend taking a baby-care class with your wife. We were set up for this through the hospital my wife delivered at. It did cost money though, so you should be aware. This class went a long way in helping me out of the fear that I could hurt my baby out of incompetence and just being more ready for her arrival in general. A very kind teacher used a doll to go over bottle-feeding, diaper-changing, bathing, burping, carrying positions, all that stuff. She gently corrected little mistakes and gave lots of tips that were incredibly helpful. Your wife could well learn something too (assuming this is also her first child). If you can find one and can afford it, this would be highest priority if I were in your shoes.

I personally read this book as well in the months before the birth: https://www.amazon.com/Mayo-Clinic-Guide-Babys-First/dp/1561487503

This was helpful for better understanding things like development milestones (when should my baby be crawling, sleeping well, things like that) and what-if scenarios like first aid needs.

These two things got me through the uncomfortable position you're in. A lot of people seem to assume that dads are just naturally incompetent, which is unfair. No one is born knowing these things - with a little effort, you'll get there too. Don't be afraid to ask questions to your pediatrician and also the nurses at the hospital in the post-labor recovery unit. The nurses were great because they helped showing us what to do with the actual live baby, not just a doll!

You got this, dad.

>Monzo?

Yep! Exactly.

​

So you need to:

• Set up an IFTTT account
• Open a Monzo bank account
• Create a Monzo Savings Pot (Mine is called Swear Jar!)
• Connect Monzo on your IFTTT account ( https://ifttt.com/monzo )
• Use an applet to move money from your main account to your savings account (use any at the above link that sound right for you).

​

I particularly use it on my Apple Watch, but make sure you have a good mobile or Wi-Fi connection to ensure that the connection gets through.

Congratulations! The next 8 weeks to hold the secret will feel like forever lol!

I’ve got this , people say it’s the good standard : https://www.amazon.ca/Caring-Your-Baby-Young-Child/dp/1984817701

Also the bump app is fun to follow along together!

Screens can be useful. Screens can be detrimental. It all depends on implementation.

The most 'mindless' use comes with cocomelon when Child #2 (1.5) wakes up at 3:30am and I just need another hour of sleep or at least rest to be functional at work.

98% of the time screens are educational if not academically, then emotionally. PBS Kids Games app has several little games associated with their shows, with very few that verge on mindless. NumberBlocks is a fantastic show to get your kid to understand numbers and their relationships to each other. Like Child #1 (4), could probably pass a 1st grade math competency test, solely because of that show and how the information is presented. Daniel Tiger is another favorite in our house.

That said, we also realize when things are starting to be on the verge of too much screen time and we actively tone it down for awhile.

The one thing I recently discovered which is kind of a screen, but not really. LCD writing tablets. These are literally just a modern doodle pad. Comes with a stylus, but can also use fingernail or something else hard but not sharp, with a single button erase. Child #1 loves it because it's easier to erase than that magnetic doodlepads ever were and he can create and recreate, practice writing his name, and he's recently started drawing us as a family of stick figures. Child #2 likes it because solely of the single-button erase. He does a quick scribble, then press button to delete, followed by sly knowing chuckle, every time.

If you want, you can also get something like this to check for protein in urine, just like you’re checking BP :

Complete 10-in-1 Urine Test Strips 100ct | Urinalysis Dip-Stick Testing Kit | Ketone, pH, Blood, UTI, Protein | Keto & Alkaline Diet, Ketosis, Kidney Infection & Liver Function | Free e-Book Included https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FC463FL/

I bought it for myself when I gained too much too quickly. I still use it to check the levels at random times.

someone on Reddit recommended it. She was diagnosed with preeclampsia post pregnancy due to some complications and for her 2nd pregnancy, she used it to keep a tab.

I’d not recommend it if your wife stresses out quickly. Then it’s better to let the OB’s office check this

Try these: Chimes Original Ginger Chews, 1-pound bag https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B005ISUOEQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_MKT0QS14VX9BEZCM7W3Y?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

But you can also buy ginger at any store and make your own tea by slicing a tiny bit and placing it in warm water.

We only use scissors, actually. Our baby's has fat little finger ends that protrude over the bottom of her nails if that makes sense. We couldn't manage to get under the nails with traditional clippers without also pinching her skin. The scissors we use are professional ones that (look like this)[Toenail Clippers, High-grade Stainless Steel, Professionally Paronychia, Thick nails, Ingrown Nails, Suitable for Men, Women and Seniors https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0856TNZ1G/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_BFGZ0ZKNTQ32WXEXYSSG?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1]

Get this book

You're Going To Be A Dad!: The New Dad's Guide To Pregnancy and The First Year of Fatherhood https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09GJKQTQN/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_415GCC2GRPDWG5RQZNJZ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

This was a dud. I'm into sports but it was drawn out cliches and too much God faith talk for me

The New Dad's Playbook: Gearing Up for the Biggest Game of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0801018978/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_SZZ3M6RB4G87VBVWGC73?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Try You're Going To Be A Dad!: The New Dad's Guide To Pregnancy and The First Year of Fatherhood https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09GJKQTQN/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_g_BSMP4PJS0XJJ5WXCG0NK

As for duds I'd have to check my stack

Buy a pair of house shoes a size bigger than she normally wears that can be indoor/outdoor and a relatively nice dress to wear out of the house that's loose and flowy but also comfy to wear.

These two things specifically are what I lived in for the first month after giving birth and I was so grateful to have them. My MIL bought me shoes and my SO encouraged me to get the dress.

4 Pieces Stretchy Double Comb Hair Clip Adjustable Elastic Hair Comb No Crease Hair Pins Hair Accessories for Women Curly Thick Wavy Hair Ponytail (Black) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08JTZN1MD/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_V5G1E973M026QKSDQD72?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

These are also fantastic if your wife has shoulder length or longer hair. Postpartum hair loss is a bitch and these things keep it contained. If you feel this may be something she will react badly to (a mini meltdown over losing her hair like I had), search up Miella Rosemary and Mint Hair Growth Oil and buy a bottle. Tell her to put about seven drops into her conditioner and mix it in. It doesn't help with growing it back quicker, but it strengthens the hair once it does grow back.

Any brand that has self cleaning dual nozzles. There are mechanical models, hot and cold water models as well. I bought this one to try it out I might upgrade in the future. This model was way cheaper when I bought it… inflation/supply and demand I guess.

Also Depends - much better than the hospital pads.

And these:

ICEWRAPS Instant Perineal Cold Pack - 2 in 1 Absorbent Maxi Pad and Instant Cold Pack - 12 Count Single Use Postpartum Ice Cold Compress for After Birth https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08HSRM1H7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_AQ73CQ4QAYP95CZG6EB1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Don't know if this would ease her mind at all, but its a baby doppler, there are tons that are like it and some are expensive some are not. But basically it will let her hear the heartbeat of the baby at home. https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-mp-renatal-fetal-doppler-listen-baby-heart-beat-monitor-lcd-gel-earphone?deal_option=f31bf7cb-6bcb-451f-8a8e-eb91e7524575&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=US_DT_SEA_GGL_TIM_TTT_PADS_CBP_CHP...

Babycenter.com app for Android

LA Baby 2-in-1 Dual Sided Foam Crib & Toddler Mattress with 100% Organic Cotton Top Layer on Waterproof Cover, Made in USA, Beige https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007A636S0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_e4cnPR6Mb78hv

Just bought a second one for number 2. It’s light so sheet changes are a breeze and it’s very sturdy.

1. Diaper Bag Backpack, RUVALINO Multifunction Travel Back Pack Maternity Baby Changing Bags, Large Capacity, Waterproof and Stylish, Gray https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C3SWZXK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_J9S6T9CETWH5P09NZFNZ

This is the backpack I’ve been using for the past 1.5 years. It has held up great. Looks good and I can stuff all of baby’s stuff and my stuff in it with ease.

1. I agree with some of the folks here. The Newton crib mattress. Helps to eliminate some of the SIDS anxiety for mom and dad. Junior loves it and sleeps like a champ. Kind of pricey but worth every penny. Newton Baby Crib Mattress and Toddler Bed - 100% Breathable Proven to Reduce Suffocation Risk, 100% Washable, 2-Stage, Non-Toxic Better Than Organic, Removable Cover - Deluxe 5.5" Thick- White https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00WR958TA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_Y6NNB32TANQ478X8XD6X?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I ended up buying a "tactidad bag" and it was honestly the best decision. My wife has "her bag" but we usually just grab the backpack cuz its has more features and is bigger and more comfy to lug around.

This is the one we got, its not "top notch" but its pretty well built, Ive had range bags and hunting bags that werent nearly this well put together, (Im most surprised by how nice the zippers are) and it comes with some awesome features that we love. (wipe pouch, fold out changing pad, insulated milk pouches)

Dinictis 40L Diaper Bag Backpack for Dad,Travel Baby Nappy Bags for Men,Baby Accessories for Daddy https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08P8DVMD3/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_JDEC7S110YSANW5DZV0N?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Yep! Just ordered these shelves from Amazon. The dresser itself is from IKEA. They are basically an exact fit for my dresser. Need about 17 inches wide for the mounting nails. I just drilled straight into the legs of the dresser and screwed them right in. Was super easy, all in all took about 20 minutes.

We had a hard time too, and finally had some success with the Lansinoh Natural Wave Good luck!

My wife had me get her one of those body pillows and she slept much better afterwords by laying on her side and hugging and throwing a leg over the pillow. She said it was the best thing i had ever gotten her.

something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Momcozy-Pregnancy-Maternity-Removable-Sleeping/dp/B08YYVRXLM?ref_=ast_sto_dp