What are /r/BDSMAdvice's favorite Products & Services?

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There's a really awesome book called <em>Enough to Make You Blush</em> that talks about why this question can be so hard for strangers to answer. One of the key takeaways from this book, for me, was that humiliation is extremely personal and individual. What one person finds humiliating, another may find liberating, or just boring. So while this group may have some great and inspirational suggestions, the best idea might come from turning inward and trying to understand what really would make you feel humiliated, or at least what areas might be in that zone.

Some broad questions to explore:

(Even the ones that seem like non-verbal activities might spark something for you, in terms of what he says or does to degrade you. Or you might be inspired to branch out, now that you've got a newfound love of being degraded!)

Are there specific words and phrases that would make you blush? Names that would feel degrading and hot?

Are there specific punishments, or the concept of punishment, that could make you feel humiliated?

Would having your control of your orgasms taken away from you be humiliating?

What about control of your bathroom privileges?

Would it be hot and embarrassing to be treated like an object? Or an animal? Or a child?

What about forced domestic service?

Are there bodily functions or fluids that make you squeamish, but maybe in an exciting or thrilling way?

What about forced nudity or something in public?

Hope it helps!

If I want a sub to wear a plug for an extended period of time I choose an all silicone plug with an elongated narrow base. It is more comfortable and won't slip if the anus relaxes during the day.

Example

I mean there's a cookbook and a bartending book.

Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes https://www.amazon.com/dp/1481227041/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_CispCb7CHFK5A

Semenology - The Semen Bartender's Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/1482605228/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ajspCbDKNMGC7

Use a regular Jenga set and just write numbers (not the actual tasks). Then have a sheet with tasks assigned to numbers. That way you can continue to update/change it in case your M doesn’t like something.

My ex and I bought something similar like this on Amazon , but a lot of it is vanilla or just goofy, so I want to do the above with a future partner.

Something to note is there are a lot of Jenga pieces. So you want to leave like half blank to tease, maybe with a couple “anything you want” pieces.

Well, you are in luck, because there are a whole lot of kinky black people and kink organizations for black people.

Onyx is probably the most well known national organization for kinky Black men.

Onyx Pearls is their sister group for Black women.

The Carter Johnson Leather Library was founded and run by People of Color.

There is even an entire BDSM conference devoted to kinky POC. The Journey! conference, they plan to host again in 2021 but they are still working on the logistics due to COVID.

There are groups and clubs that are POC exclusive, that provide a safe space for you. Because you live in a big city it's very likely that you will have one near you. My advice would be to see if you have an Onyx or Onyx pearls chapter near you. You might also want to reach out to the Leather Houses of Color Coalition. They will probably know who you can contact in your city to find the resources you need.

You are not alone, there are many black people in the BDSM community. People who have had to deal with the same issues and discrimination you have faced. You have a lot of role models and history that you can be proud to be a part of.

As a side note, if you have the time. I would recommend listening to Daddy Zulu's BLACK to Leather podcast. He interviews some of the best known Black and POC members of our community. Especially the episodes where he interviews Mama Vi and Mister Blue and BlueFrost.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1206206

Ok honey, I'm going to be completely blunt. You're already self aware that your in danger so I want to give you some pointers. Easing out is the right thing to do. DO NOT blow up at him, or one night have a few drinks and let it slip. Sadly the most dangerous time during an abusive relationship is when the abuser person leaves. That's when the most violence occurs. It's called seperation assault. The abuser is losing control and the abused is taking it back so they start losing their shit. My advice is maybe a month, but for your safety LEAVE WHILE HE'S NOT AT HOME. If you feel the need leave a letter or call him later and tell him you're done. But don't tell him where you are, and if at all possible go somewhere where he hasn't been or knows where it's at. The first place you would normally go needs to be the last. The first 3 weeks are when you need to be the most diligent and aware of your surroundings that's when the danger is at its peak. Don't get me wrong you'll still have to be diligent for a while.

Now there is an app, PLEASE DOWNLOAD IT! Please honey. It's called the Aspire News App. It's on Google play for free.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com. aspireapp

This app has a ton of information on leaving safely and how to handle it. Make sure you keep your phones location on. You put three contacts in it even 911 and if you feel it's fixing to blow up you press a button 3 times. And it sends them a message you have pre-written. It's also got other special features to disguise it. A good place for information is When Georgia Smiled Foundation website.

Wear black.

Safe discussion topics are things like: How long have you been coming to this event? Have you seen anything you've liked? Is there anything you'd recommend I check out?

Stay away from prying into people's personal lives -- people don't like to talk about what they do, where they live, or other identifying information.

The two key concepts to remember are consent and respect.

Consent means asking before touching someone or their stuff, doing things to someone, approaching too close, etc. Good consent type questions:

• Is this a good time to talk? (If you see people wrapping up a scene and want to ask them some questions.)
• Can I ask you about your rope?
• May I touch your rope?
• May I hug you?
• Can I kiss you?

Basically, assume nothing and ask.

Respect means things like:

• Staying an appropriate distance from scenes
• Observing what's going on around (not walking into people's scenes, talking over people's scenes, interrupting a moment of intimacy, etc.)
• Being aware that toys, collars, and other symbols of kink carry a great deal of meaning to people and aren't something to treat carelessly.

I highly recommend the book Playing Well with Others if you would like an introduction to scene etiquette: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009DP5P26

Arnicare bruise gel. My girlfriend uses it during the summer when she gets a bruise in a more obvious place. You should be able to find it at most drugstores or it's sold on Amazon. ��

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CMDX3ZG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_8HQfCbM367V2Z

The time it takes varies from person to person, but I was surprised how easy it was for me.

I drank loads of water. I shot for a gallon a day. I stimulated a few times a day. A lot of info says to stimulate each nipple a few times a day for 10-20 minutes, but I didn't find that to be necessary for me. I also ate foods that are known to help production. I ate a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast most days and also bought a bag of flax seeds to put a couple tablespoons into my protein shakes. You can also purchase nipple suction devices like these: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A8D7CUU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_hWd7BbYKWED57 That's actually how I got my first drop or two before I'd even started trying to induce. And, lastly, you can take fenugreek. You can buy it OTC at most drugstores that have any kind of holistic choices.

With some patience, you should be lactating relatively quickly.

This is a really great question.

I'm seeing a lot of service type answers in the comments, and for that aspect, I think it depends upon the style of service that you and your dom enjoy. For my Dom, he has a very stressful job and would rather I just "make it so" with a lot of the assignments/tasks he gives me, so he can relax and think about other things. The tasks can be anything from making dinner, doing laundry, buying household items before we run out(tp, medication, lotion, etc.) to things like plan and prepare international trips including things like airfare, hotel, activities. Other people may assist their Dom, by providing them a choice of options and then the Dom would get final say. Of course, as with anything, there are lots of ways to provide service. If you're inclined towards service, I would recommend the book Real Service as it helped me and my Dom have the conversation of what kind of service do we like, what style do I tend to do, what is acceptable for us, the mindset behind certain styles, and gave us ideas on what is realistic for us.

More importantly how do you define soft or subtle dominance? How subtle are you wanting?

I think the biggest thing you can do is just reassure her. “I loved the time you tied me to a chair!” and “you don’t need to know what to do, I’m very happy just being close to you while you go with the flow” and “there’s no way to do it wrong, don’t worry about it except for tight bondage or injuries” and “it’s so sexy when you tease me during sex” and etc. don’t tell her what to do, don’t give her ideas, don’t give advice, just encourage encourage encourage and tell her when you like something she has done. Let her blossom in her own time. Giving commands during sex is a great way to practice. Also if you wear a blindfold, it takes away a lot of the “ahhhh what do I do, he can see me being indecisive?!” and she can slowly decide what to do next

If and only if she is interested and asks for ideas: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1984068016/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_3738FT79YBEN6P1SJA0N

well. good to know you can even safeword unconciously! Not a bad thing really. yeah you could use a second safe word... but like you said that is problematic. Can i suggest a longer term solution?

Have him wake you up anyhow. even if you safeword or tap out, have him go ahead and wake you up gently.

it sounds like your body is in sleep mode.. and your body is uncocously trying to stay asleep. I'm guessing you hit your snooze a fair amount as well?

by waking you up anyhow... your going to teach your body that "safewording" doesn't let you go back to sleep... in fact it leads to you being awakened fully anyhow. be very thoughtful about this, since there could be grumpy moments. but the key here is to wake up, sit-up, talk for a moment about how you safeworded, and it is ok, you will just need to try again. the kind of conversation you can't sleeptalk your way through. lol.

Another thought. there are "sleep" timer apps that try to gently wake you up by monitoring your movement in bed. they try to guess where you are in your sleep cycle and wake you gently. this is the one i've used for this : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.urbandroid.sleep

basically the way we do it is... let the app wake us up "gently" then I could let my partner start to snooze off again and then intiate sex. this way i know she isn't in a deep sleep... its worked for us. since its a distincitve wake-up that it uses that is diffrent then the usual alarm, it signals to her that I am going to be initiating something in the net few minutes. we don't do it often, but when we do, when the gentle alarm sounds she will roll on her side and curl up so i can get the access i need to start things off, all while stil asleep.

First he will find people to be jealous over, then he will find things to be angry at you about. And the first chance he gets, he will take that anger out on you.

https://www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

I wear plugs 8-10 hrs daily, and this is my favorite one that doesn't fall out.

https://www.amazon.com/Comfortable-Long-Term-Silicone-Training-Prostate/dp/B0839JQ843

Super comfy and long wear friendly.

I got this one for my boyfriend who is not as experienced either. It may seem scary, but if you use the right amount of lube and you try it out it does wonders. It’s only around $20-25. Comes with a remote control.

It is for men and women. :)

Vibrating Butt Plug Prostate Massager, Rechargeable Silicone Anal Vibrator with 10 Powerful Stimulation Patterns Remote Control Waterproof Anal Sex Toys for Men Women and Couples (Full Black) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y2GYXSS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_SgMfFbX9YF0YJ

There's this kind which my subs like:

https://amazon.com/Lesik-Silicone-Breathable-Bondage-Restraints/dp/B07DC9YFXG/

I would suggest against this. Dull or not, if you nick the inside of your vagina you could bleed out. Not a way that I would personally want to die.

If you want to do this I would potentially consider using something like this.

Boker 02BO544 A-F Rubber Training Knife, 2-Pack,Multi https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B003GUFU4C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_REKP5GS2S791R9N5QERJ

I have not used these nor tested them, your mileage may vary and even then these could still cause you to bleed out.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086DLFYVY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_N7HXV6TF4YE2QX4E5KZB?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

I have two of these I use for lube and when I tell you that it's one of the single best bedroom hacks I use I am not lying. Messing with lube in the middle of a scene then putting down the bottle (read throwing it some place random because my attention is not on lube) is frustrating.

This dispenser works great. The motion sensor is halfway up the device and faces up. This keeps the activation area small so when you move it, you don't spray lube every where. I have one for massage oil as well.

Honestly get a few they are cheap enough and worth it every time.

Especially if money isn’t an issue, you’re better building your own “starter kit”. Instead of spending $40 for shitty cuffs, overpriced rope, and low quality clamps on Amazon, check out Etsy for things that fits your tastes. If you don’t know where to start there, make a FetLife account and join groups like Fetish Flea Market, where a lot of sellers advertise. I’ve gotten a beautiful handmade flogger from there, super high quality, and cheaper than than most stuff from sex stores. There’s also groups like BDSM on a Budget that help you pervert household items, or build bigger projects like cages.

This is my favorite rope, because it’s cheap, soft, and colorful. I’d also suggest things like the We-Vibe Tango (I got the pleasures mates kit and it’s SO worth it) or a Magic Wand, which can be lots of fun for both partners. If you want to read some pretty rad sex toy reviews for suggestions/discounts/etc., check out oh joy sex toy.

TLDR; Never seen a starter kit that’s worth it. It may take more time, but DIYing it is the best long term.

oh it exists,

grab one of these and modify: https://www.amazon.com/Lisle-45900-Hood-Prop/dp/B0002BC0T6

They easily pull out longer/wider, but need to be manually released to shorten.

I haven’t had this exact issue but agree with the comments that PIV shouldn’t hurt. Sometimes lack of lubricant or position or force can make it uncomfortable (and that can be corrected, if needed) but for me, if it hurts, I stop.

Also second all the suggestions to read up in fake doms and red flags.

While a good Dom will look after you and earn your trust/consent, one key to being a good partner (vanilla or bdsm) is basic knowledge of yourself. Until you’re able to get to a doctor, it may be helpful to do some reading on vagina ownership 😎. One book I saw suggested here (that I just checked out of the library on Libby) is “Come as You Arelink” by Emily Nagoski. Good luck 😘

They're a bit more expensive and perhaps more extreme than you're looking for, but a ratchet-style Jennings gag might work for you guys cuz you can start where she can fit and then ratchet it up more so you can find your sweet spot between big enough to fit your dick but small enough to fit your mouth.

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https://www.amazon.com/Master-Ratchet-Style-Jennings-Mouth/dp/B00ZDNUFKO something like this

Then I would recommend the book “Getting Past Your Past” https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Self-Help-Techniques/dp/1609619951

It has a lot of EMDR-based self-help treatments you can use. It’s no substitute for an EMDR therapist but it can be helpful. Note that many of the example stories deal with pretty heavy stuff that could be triggering so be prepared.

If you truly want buckets of high quality lube for cheap, check out J-Lube. It's a powder you reconstitute with water. 10 oz makes 6-8 gallons of unscented good quality lube, which we've used (for example) in a kiddie pool for lube wrestling!!

Available in US for $16-$39. Sample Amazon listing: https://www.amazon.com/Powder-Mixes-Bottle-Gallons-Lubricant/dp/B07V3TJCHM

First - if she is reading Lexi Blake or Cherise Sinclair, those two authors are in the lifestyle and not the bs 50 shades crap.

Use her love of her stories to your advantage. Ms Sinclair for example - her first book in the Club Shadowlands series is a straight laced vanilla woman who ends up in love with the owner of the dungeon. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00B1N3EBC

As her Dom, order her to read it. Make her read aloud to you anything she thinks is hot. Ask her why it's hot, is it hot to think about, or does she want to try to it in person? Maybe have her keep a running list of things that they do in the book with her marking them Y -? - N

Think about how you want her to read, and how you want her to give her book reports. Maybe it's an hour every evening, naked, by your side as your hands just wander a bit (not leading to sex, but keeping the heat on). Maybe book reports are given naked on her knees in front of you? Maybe when she reads a hot part you do a wetness check to see how it's affecting her.

There are over 14 books in the series 😈 they cover a wide variety of kinks. Maybe you stop at the end of the first one? Or maybe you get as far as the infamous chain trick (fuck it's hot)?

If she really wants to go down this path you Commanding it will do wonderful things inside her.

I am betting once you can truly see this is what she wants, craves, needs, you will overcome your reluctance.

PS - the idea of being choked freaked me out - until the right person put his hand around my throat. <swoon>

We put up these up in our house to dampen the noise from our kids. They can go up with just command strips or thumbtacks. Just putting them against the wall that you share with your neighbor is likely enough.

You can always use gym wrist wraps. There are so many variations out there, I'm sure you can find a pair that fits your need. Or, if they are too thick, then you can always wrap your wrists up with some athletic tapes.

Everything depends on you having a good bedtime routine. Read the Sleep Lady Book. If intimacy is important to you, the baby should sleep in their own room. If you have local family, that free babysitting time is golden.

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• Babies sleep a lot so you'll have some time to play when the baby is sleeping if you have the energy to do it. You need to be able to quickly stop so quick-release ties, carabiners, or double-ended snap hooks are essential tools for bondage.
• After the baby starts walking your life will go crazy. You need to work to get a sleep schedule in place and keep it. If you have a solid bedtime, you're good for play after bedtime but you still need to be able to stop quickly. Usually for us the dominant grabs a bathrobe and serves as first responder but you may find that the submissive needs quick-releases to handle specific things.
• After a kid hits about 6-7 years old they can kinda function alone long enough for you to get a shower but not much longer than that. Again, bed time.
• At the 9-10 range you can often get them started on an activity and sneak into your own room to lock the door for a little time with your partner. Use music or ambient noise generators to cover any sounds you are making. Get a good lock for your door. Make sure the kid(s) know to knock and that you're watching a 'scary movie' or something like that so they know they can knock as needed but should give you some space.
• Once the kid is in school, consider taking a home vacation and have an extended session while the child is in school. This gives you hours of uninterrupted play time. The really good sex takes time and energy and this can get you both.

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Links:

• Easy to Install Door Locks
• Sleep Lady Book

A pinwheel is not good for blood play. A pinwheel is sensation play, not knife play or blood play. You don't have control over how much pressure you are inflicting in order to break skin. The two best surefire ways to cause blood for blood play is either a needle or a scalpel.

Blood play and knife play are both "advanced" BDSM. They are both RACK (risk aware consensual kink) activities. Both are edge play. Blood play is not knife play and knife play is not blood play but you can do one with the other and vice versa.

As someone else said, there is no guarantee that you won't scar. If you are going to use a knife or cause blood, make sure it's either in a spot where you can hide It or don't care if you have a mark.

Here is a pocket guide on knife play

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005HZ6E58/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_prinFbDW7BNAY

I use this wand as my everyday wand. it does take a long time to charge fully, but once it is charged fully, it lasts like a whole week on that one charge, and that's me using it like 3 times a day, sometimes for very long sessions (i'm a pervert). I will say, it's not quite as powerful as the hitachi is, but it is more than powerful enough to do the job, and it's much more powerful than other cordless vibrators I've tried. there are a lot of different modes, but only two modes where it's a constant vibration with different power levels, one for low, one for high. I just use the low. There's also a lot of pattern vibrations if that makes sense if you go past those first two. My favorite thing about it is how long it lasts between being charges.

You definitely need to sit down and have a serious check in with him.

Express exactly how are feeling and give the reasons why, e.g you don't feel he is being consistent or dedicated enough to your dynamic.

In my opinion, it is better to have a certain level of realistic and achievable d/s elements to a relationship, rather than try and incorporate too much, too soon. That's when things start to get neglected and then pretty much defeats the whole foundation of the dynamic. Its better to have 3 things that are working seamlessly, rather than 10 that aren't. Consistency is key, and I think the lack of this is the root cause of your current dissatisfaction.

I suggest scaling things back a bit for the moment, with more emphasis on making the things you do have more consistent and workable. You can gradually build from there. You've been married for 20 years, you have plenty of time!

Yes, busy lifestyles and everything that comes with it certainly can make things harder and get in the way, especially with his schedule being more hectic and less flexible than yours.

Try having a look at the obedience phone app. I think it's available on both Android and Apple. You can pretty much set up your whole dynamic, punishments, rewards, habit tracking etc on there. I've heard lots of people saying it has done wonders for their arrangements coupled with very busy lives...

Here's a link for you to check it out and good luck!

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.obedience

I just got a couple sets of these for my girl and a close friend/play partner so we don’t have to worry about any fluid bonding issues when used for genital torture.

Turkey lifters and pork shredders from the kitchen section, and garden claws from the gardening section are great sensation toys. Chip or hair clips in addition to cloths pins are great clamps. For fun, red vines are fun impact toys you can eat. Chop sticks are versatile impact and clamping toys. “Old school” plungers with removable wooden handle make deep impact toys for meaty areas. Those are just some “vanilla!things off the top for quick pervertables.

Liebe Seele 26.5’’ Pliable Rattan Caning Canes Whip Riding Crop, Black https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VHBK4LS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_W1MVT5XHJZGJQY5Q0288?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

This is the one I got and I like it! No soaking required that I know of.

Real silicone SAFE slow gradual anal expanders, great for even the tightest ass

They-ology 5-Piece Wearable Anal Training Set https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DPLB5HD/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_EF9KA7kjsnK8w

Use lots of thick, oily lube

10+ minutes per each size. Can wear while watching a tv show before having anal sex

Give her an orgasm (or edge to almost-orgasm) before attempting anal sex. It relaxes the whole lower region

Being dominant is not necessarily about size and physical strength. It is about attitude. I have a friend who is 4'11" who can bend most men to her will.

If you guys have some patience, I would recommend that she takes a women's self defense class, where she will learn just how easy it is to handle a much larger guy.

For the under the bed harness. Might I suggest a search for "anchor straps." (e.g. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GGGKFQJ) They can be attached to the legs of your bed and then serve as anchors for rope. These work much better than under the bed bondage systems and are much cheaper.

I will forever suggest a bone gag they're so cute and they don't hurt your mouth and just feel better https://www.amazon.com/Silicone-Bone-Adult-Slave-black/dp/B00QFI8X3M Or if you're looking for a classic ball gag theres this https://www.etsy.com/se-en/listing/861482464/breathable-silicone-black-ball-gag?ga_order=most_relevant&amp;ga_search_type=all&amp;ga_view_type=gallery&amp;ga_search_query=ball+gag&amp;ref=sr_gallery-1-3&amp;from_market_listing_grid_organic=1&amp;f... breathable and non sliding, much better 😊

Give this book a read. It will give you a framework on communication in regards to being a sadist. Along with more edgeplay types of play.

Check this out: The Forked Tongue Revisited: A handbook for treating peo... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1072273748/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdb_imm_FJ9NMTRZZSQB505GSPCR

As the other poster said, communication is key. You need to know your bottoms limits and respect those limits. A good sadist is creative, not an asshole, like the stigma would have you believe.

Just remember, just because you're a sadist, and you have a partner, it doesn't mean your partner can take what you can dish. You need to learn where, when and who it can be used with.

Your sadism is a gift and a curse. If you use your sadism on the wrong type of bottom, you can very quickly be labeled as an abuser. If you find the right type of partner or partners who play heavier than others, who call themselves masochists, or pain sluts or pretty much the bottom equivalent of you, you can have amazing relationships and form bonds with some very cool and creative people.

Be careful in this /r with sadism. It does not mesh well with the "loving Dom" mentality I've seen a lot of people to have here. Sadism doesn't make you any less loving, but it holds a heavy stigma to some.

What part of it intrigues you? You can be pissed on, you can be pissed in, you can be forced to hold it until you wet yourself, you can be spanked or tickled until you can't hold it, you can taste it, or even drink it. You can walked on a leash and be made to pee outside (in your private yard, not outside in public). You can be made to clean your partner up after they pee.

Stay hydrated and avoid asparagus!

Invest in something like this for easy clean up:

https://www.amazon.com/Tom-Finland-Water-Sports-Sheet/dp/B07752JMB2

I installed these tie-down anchors on my bed frame: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00SLTRAE6

They work great for rope bondage and other forms of restraint. They are very strong. And they are removable, leaving only a small black disk that could easily be a decorative element.

(That removability is also a nice safety feature, as it means you can easily remove tension at the press of a button.)

You can find them on Amazon, just be sure to keep in mind the diameter of rope that you’re using. I use 6mm jute, so most strap cutters will work for me, but I’ve definitely encountered some where the opening was too narrow to be effective.

There are a number of reviews by riggers who have used this particular hook, and I’m planning on ordering one myself since the last one I had decided to grow legs.

Gerber GDC Hook Knife [30-000637] https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B0I46OC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_VmNYAbHFYF8DD

What I've found most beneficial are soy candles, because they burn at a low temperature. I've purchase ones from Doc Johnson before and they ran a little hot in my personal preference. Honestly I bought Mrs Meyers soy candles and I like them a LOT! They're not nearly as hot, but I still get the anticipation, the dropping heat, and the cooling. They take longer to solidify fair warning. I just got them on Amazon for like $6-ish. (https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00GP258C2/ref=sxr_rr_xsim_2_a_it?pf_rd_p=9ddc66f6-9fc0-49ff-b2fa-06a39d9859e6&amp;pd_rd_wg=9lGX2&amp;pf_rd_r=XDYNJWXD2BGGPD94WV5X&amp;pd_rd_i=B00GP258C2&amp;pd_rd_w=wAEtA&amp;pd_rd_r=c6e9bd61-3168-4b56-9106-ebe0cf5e5d35&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1545176524&amp;sr=2)

Oh man, I feel her pain. My personal favorite is this microwaveable, warming, lavender scented stuffie that helps with cramps. Otherwise, have her look into a menstrual cup, they help relieve pain and cramps in some cases. Every body is different of course, but it has helped me!

Dressing gowns or scarves or other silky/satiny materials are not great for real bondage, as the knots tend to collapse and become very hard to undo. For beginners rope, just get some cheap cotton rope from the hardware store (which also gets very tight on the knots, but you don't care as much about cutting it off). Speaking of cutting it off, you shouldn't do any bondage without a pair of EMT shears like this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YFG1U86/ which are designed to cut through tough fabric.

A good impromptu bind is a pillowcase to use as a armbinder behind her, or just her t-shirt pulled over her head and down around her elbows.

As a submissive looking for a dominant, yeah you are more-or-less putting yourself at risk. But there are plenty of ways to mitigate said risk (I won't go into that here, as it's an entirely different conversation).

As someone who's successfully met kinky partners on otherwise vanilla dating sites (specifically <em>Match.com</em>) I can tell you what worked for me.

- I put that I am on that "other social networking site whose initials are FL".

- I have the BDSM emblem as one of my photos with an appropriate caption such as, "One of my main relationship interests".

- If I am getting on well with someone, around the third conversation I mention that I am "as kinky as a fifty foot garden hose". Around 2/3 say "no thanks" or ghost me, which is fine; I'm only interested in the 1/3 who find the idea interesting.

Different gals require differing degrees of education; some are utterly clueless, others have been around the block a time or two. But it's worked out rather well, especially so with my current girl.

I recently introduced a gal (58) to the scene and she's become a wonderful submissive (I'm 55). I met her on Match.com; after roughly our third conversation I dropped in that I was "as kinky as a 50 foot garden hose" (as I was wont to do with everyone). Not only did she not run screaming, she asked astute and insightful questions to which I gave satisfactory answers.

So I suppose the best advice I can give is, know what you're talking about.

This is my preferred program. https://app.prntscr.com/en/index.html

Install it, then when you hit your PrintScreen button not only can you select what part of your screen you'd like to capture, but then you can eithehr save the file to your computer or upload it and share the link all at thhe press of a button. Kind of like this.

http://prntscr.com/ned547

Hopefully that helps.

You might benefit from something like Living Ms and start to make the distinction between playing at power exchange and making it a full-time dedication to your relationship.

For me punishment is never physical. If I really want my follower to pay attention I let them know they disappointed me.

You could try barrel nipple clamps like

https://www.amazon.com/Master-Bondage-Barrel-Nipple-Clamps/dp/B005I64CXM/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Or

https://www.amazon.com/Fetish-Fantasy-Nipple-Barrel-Clamps/dp/B00FINNV00/ref=pd_sbs_3/143-2359324-8729740?pd_rd_w=9wmxW&amp;pf_rd_p=0f56f70f-21e6-4d11-bb4a-bcdb928a3c5a&amp;pf_rd_r=PEVARXN65W7HJ0CGRENA&amp;pd_rd_r=7f35a230-5923-47d5-8ae2-08eb6a38c...

My Sub already had some toys, she likes to be very clean.

The rule we always follow is that anything going in the anus never goes in her vagina - even when cleaned we have separate toys for each.

She has a smaller metal plug that she says feels good and prefers, she always uses lube and cleans it with a toy cleaner after (I've not seen how she does this, just how she describes it)
Like this: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Red-Heart-Anal-Plug-Medium/dp/B07DLH46CD

She has a larger plastic plug but apparently that hurts and she does not like the material, she does still want to try it so we intend to put a condom over it when she does so the material feels better.
To allow her to try the larger toy she is currently stretching herself by inserting and removing the metal plug linked above, and keeping it at the widest point for a while. She's also wearing it for extended periods of time during the day. She says however it's a bit pokey.
I did some initial research and apparently 'T-shaped' silicone plugs are better for extended everyday use in normal life and some come in various sizes as 'training' packs.

I've read that you should carry round some napkins and a bag so you can remove it when needed if going outside. Additionally if you do get something silicone, I understand you should not use silicone lube as it may damage it.

Lastly she does not seem to need the loo before or after, but we are just using smaller plugs currently.

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Best of luck, go at your own pace with plenty of lube, hope it's fun and hope this helped.

So when we get started in anal play (like anything more than just a finger during oral) we start with a water enema typically. Enema bulbs are cheap and easy to come by. Just take proper cleaning precautions this Enema Bulb is the one I have. We usually start with oral to warm up and then use plugs. It depends how much we are doing anal when playing, but sometimes she just pegs me and uses a dildo on me until I orgasm, then we do penetration. It kind of depends on our mood as to how far we are going to take it when doing anal play or anything other than vanilla sex.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001IN46NU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_7JG7W9ZDA64560EFPA6P?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

These. We make massive messes and haven't had these leak yet. Hundreds of washes later, still going strong.

A bonger is a (typically) blue rubber ball on a stick. Its intended function is percussive back massage. But it also works for percussive balls massage :-)

A riding crop has more sting than thud. It's a very different sensation. With the crop the pain is mostly superficial and focused on the skin. With a bonger, there's no sting at all. The pain is focused deep in the balls. Guys who're into ballbusting typically prefer thuddy sensation to stingy one.

It's a tool used for percussive massage, typically of the back. It presents as a blue rubber ball on a flexible stick. And it works great for ballbusting, which I guess is just a different kind of percussive massage :-)

Other than the super general books like The Loving Dominant, it would be helpful to know more specifically what you and your partner are interested in. The kink negotiation checklist is a good place to start.

L.T Morrison “The Devil in the Details” trilogy”

Dr. Bob Rubel is a prolific author on BDSM with multiple books on the topic of M/s.

I travel regularly

A large play bag

https://www.amazon.com/Lightning-Responder-Ambulance-X-Tuff-Oxygen/dp/B00D64AFIO?

Rope, paddles, floggers, belts, dildos, vibrators, clit suckers, cupping set, handcuffs, leather cuffs, spreader bars, nipple and vaginal clamps, clothespins, gags, blindfolds, hoods, vaginal and anal speculums , tunnel plugs, sewing tape (for body measurements), gloves, condoms, toy cleaner, adult flushable wet wipes, assorted lube.

It's about 60 lbs, and is my standard go to play bag. Other things might be brought along depending on what I have planned. I have a portable bondage table, fucking machine, and sex swing frame for doing suspensions.

You can get over-door restraints. They fit around a closed door.

https://www.amazon.com/Frisky-Over-Door-Entryway-Restraints/dp/B00DROUV6O

Found them!

Personally I can't recommend The Heart of Dominance (book) enough. It won't teach you any detailed technique, but it will teach you psychological, social, and philosophical theory about Dominance. It will give you a solid fundamental understanding of what it means to be an ethical Dom, which is far more important. Techniques can be picked up in a thousand and one ways that will reveal themselves once you start asking for more specific things, but for just starting out, read that book.

Eta: link to the book.

There is an excellent book called Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure which covers all things involved in pegging. It is an excellent source for info (as well as other fun things to try).

Happy second experience :-)

Ok I thought of some more. You can find nice plain nightgowns that aren't super frilly, are very comfortable, made of soft material (just an example: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SH8H5D8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_GWCNSRDK760786KTAE52)

Also fishnets! You can find all kinds of stuff now, like shirts and tights and fingerless gloves, etc.

Also an oversized button up shirt worn as a dress can be super cute if you do it right. Buttons give easy access, and it's fairly short at the bottom.

The new topping book is a phenomenal look at less of the how to BDSM, but more of the why we BDSM. My wife and I really liked it. I found it reinforced a lot that I already knew, while helping me to think about a few things in new ways.

Dr Bob Rubel has written a LOT of books on BDSM and M/s in particular. Another resource would be “The Devil in the Details” trilogy

The best advice I have gotten on this involves having you & your partner take bdsm interest questionnaires, finding a few places where what you both like best overlaps, then building a scene around those things. This is a great quick read that lays a step by step process out. https://www.amazon.com/Make-Your-First-Scene-Amazing/dp/1984068016

I got this for myself (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FUH4AGC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_FEDHASP1XY7M5YN6W3GB?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1) but took out the lobster claw link and with a flathead screwdriver and a pair of pliers made it into a solid chain with no end. Very strong, all you need to do is add a ring.

I googled something based off your questions, and happened across this... no idea if it's worthwhile, but might be worth a look? https://www.amazon.com/Feminizing-Men-Achieve-Maximum-Feminization/dp/1502959674

And the thought I had reading this was what if you picked out the nail polish and he wore it while edging?

Ok, you went there a Little to fast. Did you read something about It before starting ? A good read Is the new toppig book (https://www.amazon.com/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton/dp/1890159360?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_marketplace) aswell the bottoming book.

This Is only an idea but you could swap Roles (Is not Always the easyest thing to do but can help you understand the beauty of being a sub). This Is a World that you have to Explore with your wife, not alone, so bring those thought up with her, talk about It and see what best works for you.

For example my GF wanted me to regulate her diet, deciding what She had to eat. I didn't want to do It so After two days I sayed that those were things that I did not want to do and She understanded It.

The difficult thing Is finding the right spot, then After you found It All Will come naturally. The best thing you can do Is read and learn how does it works and how peoples view Power Exchange, there Is really nothing wrong with It but you Need to learn It with your wife. 🙂

I'd get something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Comfortable-Adjustable-Contoured-Sleeping-Meditation/dp/B072HH12K7/ref=sr_1_8?crid=3OBZ26Q3NRWJT&amp;dchild=1&amp;keywords=3d+blindfold&amp;qid=1609360879&amp;sprefix=3d+blindfo%2Caps%2C265&amp;sr=8-8

they are great. Not only they apply no pressure to the eyes, there's also no light whatsoever going in. As in, I can't tell the difference between eyes open and closed.

Put some of this on your finger (Anti Chew, Bitter Spray for Dogs and Cats-16 Oz, Extreme Taste-Stops Furniture Pet Chewing, Biting, Licking-Alcohol Free Deterrent/ Repellant -Made in USA, For Puppy, Kitten Training Aid https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NYB22QB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_IWc1FbXHFWM8J) tell her she will open her mouth now and won’t get the bitter spray. Or you can force her too and she’ll have her mouth open AND bitter spray

We use a dog shock collar purchased on Amazon. They are a lot of fun but require caution.

Of course it will never say safe to use on humans and there is some danger if you are not cautious.

We purchased three, one for each thigh and one for neck. He has used them on my crotch, first at low setting and increased. Yes, it is painfully delicious.

Start out very low and gradually increase. He wanted to be able to have each collar with its very own receiver rather than two collars with one receiver. You can order them with two to one receiver or individually. The link here comes with two collars to one receiver. He said he wanted them separate for easier control and less potential for errors, for instance accidentally setting off the neck at too high of a level because you thought it was the thigh. For him keeping them on totally different frequencies was important. Or just have one and not have to worry. The thigh can take more than the pussy and neck, for example.

We use it with the black covers for the prongs on. It was too hot for me on my skin without the covers. We ordered more covers for cheap on amazon because after a while they don’t stay on as well.

Hope this helps!

https://www.amazon.com/Dog-Training-Collar-Rechargeable-Waterproof/dp/B07N7CFMSY/ref=mp_s_a_1_108_sspa?dchild=1&amp;keywords=electric+shock+collar&amp;qid=1604376708&amp;sr=8-108-spons&amp;psc=1&amp;spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyUEVRWEZaQUpYOE5...

Hi, Amazon has a few books on this.

Femdom for nice girls

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Femdom-Nice-Girls-Self-Guided-Mistress/dp/1518804454/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1531808929&amp;sr=8-2&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&amp;keywords=femdom&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=41B6ErI2sxL&amp;ref=plSrch

You just wash them along with your normal sheets.

Not sure if amazon links are allowed but here you go: https://www.amazon.com/Sures-Waterproof-Mattress-Protector-Hypoallergenic/dp/B06VX4RR15?keywords=incontinence+bed+sheet&amp;qid=1534421500

I'm a trans guy who is also dealing with this issue. It's not DIY, but I just purchased the "Lobloo" on Amazon. It's an athletic cup for martial arts and such. They have a Female LoBloo version that lays flatter than the typical athletic cup. It's only $40 as well! I'm excited to get mine tomorrow! :D

There are some old pocket books that are incredibly hard to find. I think Amazon has the titles listed, but you'd just have to find them.

The Better Built Bondage Book is the main one otherwise other than leather braiding type stuff - that is best done with a book called Leather Braiding (I know ...)

Everything else really like more specifics of "quality" leatherworking are best from any of the like 100s of leatherworking books.

Tarp clips (e.g. these on Amazon), kitchen implements (e.g. spatulas), plastic or metal rulers, belts, bondage tape, clothespins, rubber bands.

We have used 3M Microfoam Tape - just tape it over the mouth...

Its pretty good stuff, and will pull out hair, so be careful if you get it in your hair. (We wrapped it around my head the first time we used it. Ouch! We have a swim cap for play like that now...)

I originally had one of these, https://www.amazon.com/Hisionlee-Medical-Silicone-Sensuality-Black/dp/B07GKYFFMJ/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&amp;keywords=butt+plug&amp;qid=1600378146&amp;rnid=2941120011&amp;s=hpc&amp;sr=1-2 .

Read Just Enough To Make You Blush

Here's a free to access pdf copy

http://wonder-woman.info/ds/Enough%20To%20Make%20You%20Blush%20-%20Princess%20Kali.pdf

Or buy the book

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B018J2QWVG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_GNTvFb152WZWY

It's a pretty broad topic really.

Not too mention the intricacies of human responses.

Take the word slut ....

Is being called a dirty little cum hungry slut humiliating?

What it's in the form of a question, "You're such a dirty little cum hungry slut, aren't you?"

What if it's one of ownership? " WHO'S dirty little cum hungry slut are you?"

Or, how's about "Tell me what a dirty little cum hungry slut you are."

I bet you'll hear answers ranging from "That's so hot" to "Say it and die."

Like most kinky things, there's no one true way and contex matters.

And respect the power in this BDSM tool, it's as dangerous as an uncontrolled single tail in the wrong circumstances.

So obviously listen to your doctor but here's a few ideas

• get a kneeling chair
• sit cross legged or with the legs to one side
• sit down straight legged with your legs under the bed, let him sit on the edge of the bed to face fuck you.
• sit with your back against a wall and your legs however is comfortable and let him face fuck you that way.
• Lay with your head over the edge of the bed to get face fucked.

Once you're ready to start kneeling again try getting a gardeners pad under your knees or a bolster to keep under your butt (to elevate it and take weight off your knees/ankles).

I highly recommend this. I wish I had this for education when I was learning to use single tails.

The author of Whips in the Dungeon has started to record some short videos about topics covered in the book. The videos are now available on this site. He is upto 46 101 level videos, 21 201 level, 12 301 level, and 51 401 level that are “real life” not porn level applications of techniques.

The author of Whips in the Dungeon Has recorded a bunch of companion videos since life has shut down. There are 46 101 series to start with, 17 201 videos, 6 301, and 50 401. The 401 are some of the most realistic of what you might actually see in a dungeon rather than in porn.

Pro tip: go on Amazon and buy a waterproof pet blanket. Much cheaper than the blankets "made for" kink but they are exactly the same thing. It will save your sheets from needing to be changed! And get a mattress protector of you don't already have one.

I found out I'm a squirter at the same age. It's been a bit of a learning curve for sure!!!

I would just tell him. A lot of guys are really into it! Or take a pic after you get off and text it to him with a winky face or say something like "I thought of you and look what happened!"

Eta: I have two of this blanket. It's amazing!!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BHZ8R8Y/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_dfe3EbVAQYSJ8

I have had great luck with a gag that does not keep the mouth *open* more than a cm or so, does not impede the movement of the tongue (and therefore lets you normally recycle your saliva), but still makes speech/sound completely unintelligible.

It's designed with, essentially, a pair of sports/martial-arts mouth guards, which are held in place by a secure strap. Amazon link

It is hard to find high-quality wooden clothespins. Most harm comes from splinters or sharp edges. Many times 1 clip will be loose but the next one super tight.

I have had better luck with the Laundry Aisle. Plastic clips with rubber teeth tend to be a lot safer and all exert a fairly uniform clamping force designed to NOT mar delicate fabrics. You can often open them and clamp a finger in the store before buying to see how strong they are. (The plastic hangers with 2 clips are also fun for adding weights).

The plastic clips can also be washed & sanitized while the wooden clips tend to be destroyed if you was them.

Go light because you can always add small rubber bands to increase the clamping force.

Yes - they work great for labia play and possibly the clit.

You might also look on Amazon for "Nipple Suckers". There are bulb and screw type:

https://www.amazon.com/XR-Nipple-Corrector-Cups-Breastfeeding/dp/B09CW8JGTY/ref=sr_1_10?keywords=nipple+suckers+for+women&amp;qid=1671561801&amp;sprefix=nipple+suckers%2Caps%2C139&amp;sr=8-10

Lube the rim, put them over nipples and apply suction. Your nipples will expand and then you remove the suckers and apply a clamp.

If your are shaved - this can be used to help expose your clit for more playing.

Good luck.

Look into these. We have them, She's a squirter, and we've never had one leak even after multiple uses and washes/dries. Plus, it's really soft and doesn't sound like plastic.

When? Or where?

When? As soon as you want it would be my suggestion...

Where? Amazon is where my Dom got ours... I don't know if the exact one would be available in your country, but is this one

https://www.amazon.es/Roiz-Potente-Deportiva-Entrenamiento-Cosplau/dp/B08PBQGR3N

Amazon has some good beginner ones. I love these 2 together.. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08N4CDHPQ?psc=1&amp;ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

https://www.amazon.com/Bmirth-Leather-Harness-Jewelry-Accessories/dp/B08J3YWZJC/ref=pd_aw_fbt_img_sccl_1/143-9816782-6791759?pd_rd_w=7Qbzh&amp;content-id=amzn1.sym.f353d175-26fc-4776-8298-842dab47b290&amp;pf_rd_p=f353d175-26fc-4776-8298-842dab47b2...

I found this thing on Amazon, wondering what you all think?

https://www.amazon.com/Yes4All-Professional-Adjustable-Multi-Position-Plyometrics/dp/B08YYTQS1C?ref_=ast_sto_dp&amp;th=1

I cant quite figure out how to get restraints attached to this, maybe a bondage board on the ground would be what's needed as an addition. of course, then it needs some cushions for the top and all that. hrm...

It can slow blood clotting in dangerous doses, but also of course G.I. Upset etc since it is a enzyme. Can always ask your provider a safe dose. I take 500mg and here is the product I use

https://www.amazon.com/Ultra-Strength-Non-GMO-Bromelain-Capsules/dp/B084KQV6N5?pd\_rd\_w=tKSaj&amp;content-id=amzn1.sym.deffa092-2e99-4e9f-b814-0d71c40b24af&amp;pf\_rd\_p=deffa092-2e99-4e9f-b814-0d71c40b24af&amp;pf\_rd\_r=THW42KZ3JMKPPNFDCRZ2&amp;...

My partner has ASD and ADHD and we're both very kinky and open minded. There are definitely a lot of folks with Autism in the kink community. I've read about that in several books (this one is our favorite).

I think you'll find the kink community very comforting. There is a real focus on explicit communication...so no more reading body language and implicit messages (or at least a lot less). It's refreshing in that way.

Good luck! 🍀

People eat some weird shit... Delicacies like bee larvae you may have to order from Japan, but Amazon has a snack pack with scorpions, beetles, and water bugs. If there's a good Asian market in your area though, you can probably pick up some dried squid chips, Century eggs, or natto.

Wrist D Link Cuffs

Get one of these:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Remington-Style-Cordless-Beard-Trimmer/dp/B084DK97R8/

It doesn't need to be this model, just a rechargeable beard trimmer. You don't need a million attachments, as you'll be using it with the guard off.

And one of these:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000PDZADO/

You want the attachment at the bottom, in the centre of the pic. It looks like a small, angled beard trimmer.

Have your partner go over everything with the beard trimmer. Then attend to the more delicate parts with the second product.

I used to do this for my partner most weeks. It was a bit of a ritual for us. She would feel quite vulnerable, and exposed, laying on the bed, with her knees up and apart. I'd finish with a kiss and a quick smack on her freshly shaved nethers. Then it was game on.

My girl is allergic to metals, I use a leather bolo cord with plastic barrel snap closures. I also feel these are very “vanilla” friendly.

I highly recommend she reads https://www.amazon.com/New-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352 and comes up with questions for you!!

But you can also read https://www.amazon.com/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton/dp/1890159360

My husband and I found this very helpful

These would work. The screws that come with it are too short (you need to go through 1//2" of drywall and a minimum of 1" penetration into the stud). Lags screws would be stronger then wood screws. https://smile.amazon.com/Capacity-Carabiner-Trailers-Campervan-Motorcycles/dp/B09MLKJ2F5/ref=sxin_16_pa_sp_search_thematic_sspa?content-id=amzn1.sym.b5b80b36-fed9-4412-8be2-fe5bba09d25a%3Aamzn1.sym.b5b80b36-fed9-4412-8be2-fe5bba09d25a&amp;crid=3RK...

Honestly, I was a little hesitant in recommending book titles, I image if I recommend 1, there will be 9 people saying it's a horrible book and don't buy it. This is the first book I was given to read. I read it cover to cover about 3 times, it remains in library to this day. That book was only 4 years old when I entered the BDSM Community !! Ha !!!

Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns

I’ll just leave this here…Verbal Abuse Book He’s physically, emotionally, and verbally abusing you. You deserve healthy love and respect. This is not kink or BDSM at all. This is sexual assault / abuse.

Hi I spotted this one which seems to be the best of both worlds then silicone and holes do you see any reason why this would be a bad gag? https://www.amazon.com/Lesik-Silicone-Breathable-Bondage-Restraints/dp/B07F854WW9/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=1OQN5J4GDH7PF&amp;keywords=red+silicone+ball+gag&amp;qid=1656348102&amp;sprefix=red+silicone+ball+gag%2Caps%2C120&amp;sr=8-3

Oh good advice on the time limit and vaseline thanks for your comments really helpful.

You do you!

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That said, if you want, you can look at some of the tricks that chastity players use, just to add a little sense of....excitement.

If the collar you got, or one of them, had a lock, you could get something like this and drop that key in there.

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Time Lock Container

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It gives some people some of that feeling of....helplessness?...risk?...spice? Probably spice.

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One way or the other, don't worry to much about what people may think. You could, if you wanted, just tell people that your Dom is out of town, or LDR.

I got (rightly) downvoted for suggesting Olbas Oil elsewhere, so as a possible alternative: have you considered hypnosis? Obviously care is required with this one (especially where history of panic attacks is concerned) but my OH and I had good results a few years back with this as a starter: Look Into My Eyes