What are /r/ExNoContact's favorite Products & Services?

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I got a good tip that helped me! It's also just useful in general to not be on your phone. I have an app called Forest. You plant a digital tree starting from 15min to 2 hours you can plant and grow a tree. If you look at your phone you will kill your tree!

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=cc.forestapp

Hope this helps!

Read "Why Does He Do That?" It will help you gain LOTS of insight on abusive men like your ex, and help you spot the red flags in the future.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Accurate self-reflection is the biggest part of self-esteem to me.

I recommend journaling, so that you can see how you feel at different times and create a more accurate representation of your feelings. I also use an app called Loop - Habit Tracker so that I can make sure I'm doing the things I want to be doing.

That really sucks man, my deepest sympathies. The only advice I can give is to keep pushing. Things will get better. Meanwhile I suggest two books for you: "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frenkl. A memorable quote from that book:

"There are situations in which one is cut off from the opportunity to do one's work or to enjoy one's life; but what never can be ruled out is the unavailability of suffering. In accepting this challenge to suffer bravely, life has a meaning up to the last moment, and it retains this meaning literally to the end."

Then read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. Since my breakup I have been a mess of emotions, like you. But this book has been such a help to me, it reined me in at a time I felt like I was flailing.

"So other people hurt me? That's their problem. Their character and actions are not mine. What is done to me is ordained by nature, what I do by my own."

>All I can think about now is how my heart just, hurts.

Could be constipation . When you are stressed it causes constipation and bloating and that will hurt you where your heart is.

Get more water, get more fiber, do some exercises.

Top things men do when they end relationshipes or if they get dumped MENS MAG .... POST Photos of yourself doing things your ex would not have enjoyed, which demonstrates how happy you are with your newfound freedom. You didn’t even realize how much they were holding you back. Photos of yourself out with a cutie. Bonus points if you’re sharing a beverage. Photos of yourself doing stuff they definitely would have enjoyed. It is especially important that someone else take the photo here. Photos of yourself looking hot AF. It’s okay if this is a true selfie, or even a mirror selfie.

so dont think he is happy might be sitting in empty hotel room thinking about you...

but here see this link https://lifehacker.com/why-focusing-on-yourself-helps-you-get-over-someone-els-1790949013

On the topic of getting over a bad relationship, I think you should read this book called Attached. You can check the summary here: http://fourminutebooks.com/attached-summary/ Make a list of all the negative sides of your ex, it will help you move on.

Sorry to hear about that OP. Dreams can be difficult to remove from our heads. But there are things you can do..

I think that since you have all these things that you are blocking, it would be best to write everything down. Just vent. Vent into an online private journal like Penzu https://penzu.com/ or as a draft in gmail. Just write everything down when it comes up. You are repressing yourself, causing yourself pain by holding everything back. Let it flow out of you.

As for your dreams, you have to put something else in your subconscious. Is there anything else that you are passionate about? Work? School? A sport? Dive into that. Get into "the zone" with a sport or a hobby. Try something completely different from what you usually do. Go do that thing until you are in "the zone". It will alter your neural pathways and redirect your focus in the long run.

Before you go to bed, think about something else. Listen to an audiobook, where you are listening to a completely different story. You can Youtube audiobooks like the martian, or whatever you think you might be interested in. Put some lavender by your bed-it is relaxing and will cause a different reaction in your brain. Rearrange your bed's direction in the house. Switch up your sleep routine.

tl:dr Switch up your life routine. Alter your patterns to make new ones that your brain will have to focus on.

Yeah! So if you want the workbook that was developed as a result of DBT that has all the skills including mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal skills and emotion regulation here is the link to it on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511290729&sr=8-1&keywords=dialectical+behavior+therapy+skills+workbook

Though you are much older than I am, I can tell that you and I are very similar. I, too, am dedicating my life to help others through poverty alleviation, disaster relief, mental illness resources, etc. What helped me start my own journey to help was by reading "Man's Search for Meaning," by Viktor Frankl. He is an absolutely incredible man with pinnacles of wisdom stored in this book alone. This is my absolute favorite book. If you are not much of a reader but you are looking for new things, I definitely recommend checking this one out!

It's titled Models by Mark Manson, about the models of masculinity, neediness/clinginess, why relationships fail because the men don't love themselves and only fawn on the women, etc. Message me your email and I'll send a free copy via Audible.

It's helped me a bunch already, and I've only listened to 20% of it.

Every day I stumble upon something new... not that these things are ruined, but they just bring about horrible pain when I think about them.

• Diners
• Black coffee
• Sushi
• The airport
• The dress I wore at my college graduation
• The Christmas lights he put up for me to come home to to celebrate me finishing graduate school
• The dress I wore at his basic training graduation
• The dress I wore at his beret ceremony
• The skirt I wore the night he left
• Salmon dinners
• The Pacific Northwest
• San Antonio
• Brad Paisley
• The color turquoise
• Larimar and tourmaline jewelry
• Gin and Tonic
• "The Odyssey"
• "Man's Search for Meaning"
• "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
  
• Autumn leaves
• Hummingbirds
• My anchor tattoo

Podcasts:

1) Relationship Advice: Relationships, Sex, Dating and Marriage (weekly podcast)

2) The Entreleadership Podcast by Dave Ramsey (leadership and people skills mainly, weekly podcast)

Audio Books:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Getting Back Out There by Susan Elliot

The Dating Playbook for Men by Andrew Ferebee

Humorous memoirs - stuff by Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Mindy Kaling, Chelsea Handler, David Sedaris. I recently started reading Scott Adams's (of Dilbert fame) book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big. First month post breakup I actually read a lot of books on medicine and loss/death (partially because I've been dealing with a lot of loss in general) and that kind of helped me look at things from a different perspective: Being Mortal and When Breath Becomes Air are both relatively new and great reads.

Humorous books that not only serve as points of focus but are really just laugh out loud funny with some moments of heart - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, David Sedaris, Jenny Lawson, Chelsea Handler, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, Aziz Ansari. Brene Brown is also great, and Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. I've also read a lot of books on loss just because I've been dealing with a lot of that (even aside from the breakup) and while depressing, it helps me see the bigger picture. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalinithi, Being Mortal by Atul Gawande,

It takes time. Be patient. Think of the pain you're feeling in this way: if you sustain a bruise, it switches through all its colors while it's healing. That's what's happening now. Your body is healing.

See, in reality there is absolutely no difference between a so-called physical injury and an emotional one. They're all the same, because they're all physiological; they're all your body trying to recover from a wound.

I remember the day my therapist told me: you're coming to terms with impermanence.

That's what you need to do. Buddhism helps with this. The Power of Now helps with this. Heck, check my post history just from yesterday. I provide a lot of resources to help you recover.

You still have to do the work. It's not going to happen overnight, or even necessarily over a few months. But it will happen.

You have handled every single challenge you've ever faced in your life. You will handle this one too.

You need to develop boundaries. Google them. Learn.

You will do this.

It must have been since a few other Redditors also have commented being dumped on January 23rd lol. I guess it was the sweet spot after New Years and before Valentines' Day. LOL It took me a while, too. If I'm being honest, I still felt loyal to him, up until he came back the second time and bulldozed through my heart from April 23 - May 4th. After that, that loyalty was cut and I started opening up my "attractive lens" to other people. He also had a fuck buddy, that he didn't want to get rid of the connections with. So, this also added another nail to our coffin.

Remembering all the terrible qualities about your ex will do you wonders. But, also focusing on all of your remarkable qualities will, too. And, if that still is a struggle, I'd recommend this journal: 5 Minute Daily Journal

Good luck! I'm rooting for you!

Edit- thank you!

Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. No family or friends that you can reach out to? If so, then that does make it even harder for you. Perhaps you can talk to your doctor and get a recommendation for a therapist? If it's at all an option and you really have no one else, please find a professional because at least being able to talk to someone about it is important.

There is a point in living without them, you "just" need to find it again. It's something we all have to develop little bit by little bit after we've lost so much. There are things that almost everyone finds beneficial in this situation. All or at least some may apply to you. None will be easy, remember that, but I think you should think about trying anyway.
First is contact with friends or family, or if not available, a therapist or some other professional person you can trust.
Is there really no-one in your life? Start thinking about how you could start meeting new people. This will certainly be hard in your fragile state right now, but it isn't impossible. I used meetup.com and started going to some events where people just got together for nature hikes and stuff like that. You could sign up for some class... yoga, meditation, a language course... whatever interests you.

Getting out into nature is good anyway. Go for a walk every day.

Exercise. Instead of walking, go for a run, join a gym, or better yet, some small group training session with a trainer. This has the benefit of combining socializing with exercise. I don't know where you live, but most places I've visited these days have "bootcamp" style training groups meeting in parks that people can join. I was doing this before my breakup already but I find it helped me immensely in my post breakup period as well and is better than just going to a gym on your own (although that's still better than nothing).

If I don't understand what you're talking about, why don't you make me understand?

>They’re synonyms. >No, they're not.

Actually they are.

http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/empathy?s=t

>I can articulate my thoughts however the fuck I want to articulate >them. You do not have to agree, which you clearly don't and that >is fine.

That's true, but then you must also accept responsibility for people misunderstanding you AAAAAAAAAANNNNND thinking YOU are an arrogant prick. xD

>You just said it was because of work.

And that is not justified by my estimation. It's a cop-out. A marriage and family is not sustainable without a job. Also, I'm not just talking about my situation. We are also discussing the general forum and that fact that you made the claim that there is "A LOT OF WRONG" with that people are saying.

I am not 100% certain. I do have a reasonable guess that it was her. The only people who I have searched for me have her and her family. I have a few looks from Albania and few other people from where she came from. I used https://www.academia.edu which shows the number of people who seach you and where they from. The city was the city she moved to. Those are my reasons to believe that she googled my name in hopes of finding me.

I strongly suggest changing your login(username, email, ect) as well as your passwords. I use Lastpass, which is free, to manage all the info for me. I only have to remember the PW for my vault. This will make guessing your info extremely difficult as it's randomly generated and makes it very easy to change in the future because all your login's are stored, even the ones you'd forgotten about. You can also activate filters in your email programs that will immediately delete any and all communications from him without you ever knowing they arrived.

There's some good info on available options and steps to take on the Take back the Tech webpage. Escalation options are found towards the bottom of the page.

YOU have the control here not him, he's simply grasping at straws. In his mind you're moving on with your life, leaving him in the past. This is his way of trying to stay relevant, to not disappear completely.

Good luck and don't let him insert himself where he's not wanted.

(Edit: Added explanation)

I actually didn't use an app. Enough of my girl friends have told me horror stories about getting stuck in grey areas or getting ghosted when dating via apps that I'm still wary of getting on one. I have good luck meeting new people in person. Specifically through meetup.com events. I think it's a lot easier to figure out if someone is in to you if you're talking to them in person. You can see their body language and how they react to you. For me, that gives me less anxiety than trying to decipher what someone means over text. So I knew a guy that liked me, I liked him enough, and I asked him if he would like to go out.

It's like the saying: if you want to be a certain kind of person, act like you think that kind of person would act. And then you become that kind of person.

You may want to read Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. That book was profoundly helpful to me.

i recommend reading the book whole again by jackson mackenzie. he talks a lot about a core wound we all have but doing external things such as jobs, hobbies, new skills, classes, likes & followers on social media, addiction such as alcohol, gambling, porn, drugs etc are just a way to feed the ego (protective self) but never getting into the soul where the core wound resides. the book empowered me and helped me to get into inner healing. you can either borrow from the library, amazon has it as well :

https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Again-Rediscovering-Relationships-Emotional/dp/0143133314

Take it from someone who did what you want to do.
I saw messages I can't unsee, I saw flirty messages she sent to guy friends, I saw messages she sent to her girl friends slagging me off and I saw messages from ex bfs all the way back to 2009.

Do what TA_NCR said, it's good advice. Change her FB password using a VPN (use the CyberGhost VPN Google Chrome extension, it's free) so she is forced to change it to something new.

Take it from someone that deeply regrets doing it - it is not worth it, I can assure you you will feel worse for doing it

I'm sorry you have hate in your heart for whatever happened. I pray you will find forgiveness and can let go and move on. Even Beyonce forgave Jay Z. The only one holding you back is yourself and the hate you possess. It's your choice.

The following book has helped me a ton:

"Moving on: Dump your baggage and make room for the love of your life"

https://www.amazon.com/Moving-Dump-Your-Relationship-Baggage-ebook/dp/B004BKIC8M

read this book, it has all the answers you need :

https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Again-Rediscovering-Relationships-Emotional/dp/0143133314

the reason why it hasnt worked is because you’re only focused on the external distractions - going to the gym, work, studies etc. they will not work. real healing comes from within. you need to do tons of inner work and the book will teach you how.

This is the app I use. Simple, no frills. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=info.intrasoft.habitgoaltracker

Two books I read.

​

How to fix a broken heart : written by guy winch

Self esteem 3rd edition: Matthew m Kay & Pattrick Fanney -Link ( After reading this book, I learnt to deal with self critic and managing myself. I spoke for myself. Learnt to setup boundaries, started believing myself)

I am reading this and its really helping: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284

Its cheesy but seriously doing the trick

I had a friend who got a workbook/journal type book that lead you through the thinking process and I think she liked it a lot.

Found it: https://www.amazon.com/Write-Him-Off-Journal-Prompts-ebook/dp/B00EMJP6X6

I read this book and thought some of the exercises were helpful in reducing certain thought patterns

https://www.amazon.com/How-Fall-Out-Love-Revised-ebook/dp/B00BFMJLNO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526503184&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+fall+out+of+love

You're not alone. I've been through this several times, although perhaps not as dramatically. It's a huge, devastating loss. Part of what's so isolating about it is that not everyone is an animal lover or understands the bond, so you don't know whom to trust or confide in about this.

There are some pet loss support groups, both online and IRL. They can be very comforting. I recommend contacting your vet's office or the local shelters to inquire.

Also, the book <u>Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet</u> is very helpful.

Take care.

It's titled Models by Mark Manson, about the models of masculinity, neediness/clinginess, why relationships fail because the men don't love themselves and only fawn on the women, etc. Message me your email and I'll send a free copy via Audible.

It's helped me a bunch already, and I've only listened to 20% of it.

Do you like reading?

If not, try audiobooks. Get an Audible account ($14.95/mo) and start listening to more books. Extra knowledge for sure will improve your life.

The Power Of Now by Eckart Tolle is a great audiobook to get and start listening to. Try it.

You were there at the end for her to get closure, to justify to herself to move on. She wasn't really thinking of you and how you felt.

A great book I am going through now is The Power Of Now by Eckart Tolle.

It will really help you control your emotions and feel okay with what is.

Check out the book 'The Power Of Now' by Eckart Tolle. I have it on Audible and listen to it while walking/hiking.

Check it, and the reviews, on Amazon. Master your thoughts and embrace now.

It will definitely help.

You'll regain your strength. Things will get better. It takes time. As long as you keep your goals (your daughter) in focus, you will get better.

I did a lot of reading after my BU. A good book I can recommend is Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

I also highly suggest No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

Both books helped me get a grasp on my life again and they are both fairly quick reads.

Maybe instead of thinking about all that negative stuff tomorrow, download one of those and engulf yourself in the story? I know it's hard, but you could give it a try.

Got into stocks a little while back and was planning on reading Benjamin Graham's "The Intelligent Investor." I can't say I have ever really been fond of reading but different times call for different activities. I have asked for advice on another subreddit and some people are telling me to look for a new lady. What are your thoughts? My current plan is to be single for a bit but will probably try to fulfill my natural urges at parties with consenting company if you catch my drift.

I'm fairly new to self-help books so I did some research and got two that seemed pretty popular. 'Six Pillars of Self-Esteem' by Nathaniel Branden and 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen R. Covey.

Girl, read this book! Read it now.

The No Conact Rule

You can be finished by Monday. He's manipulating you and using you. Don't let him take up space in your head rent free.

I know exactly how you are feeling! Something you might try is creative visualization -- it is where you visualize a situation and visualize how you want to act and feel in that situation. I've been practicing visualizing seeing my ex at a grocery store and feeling calm and acting collected. I think envisioning myself as being calm over and over again makes me more prepared and ready for such an encounter. It also helps you practice in your mind how you would like to be and feel when you do see him .

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creative_visualization

And check out this book -- it is considered a classic: http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Visualization-Power-Imagination-Create/dp/1577312295

Nice, thats a good start. Yeah if shes texting you, make a date to hang out. Attraction is not built through texts. Texting or phones should be a method of making dates, nothing more. Minor small talk is ok, but keep it short and be like. "Hey gotta run, but lets make plans to hang out, when are you free?" etc...

Then when you do hang out, just dont talk about relationships and jut have fun. Make her laugh and have fun and start building those good memories of how awesome you are.

Also I recomend buying this book. Yeah its $30 bucks and that sucks, (you can read a free digital version online on his site) But 30 bucks to improve your relationships for the rest of your life is a great deal!

http://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/0692552669/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1455557757&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=how+to+be+a+3%25+man

Im telling you, I read it and its gold.

> I fucking hate myself

Unfortunately, I know this feeling only too well.

I strongly recommend that you take a look at Self Compassion. I read this book, and it helped me a lot.

Life is hard enough without beating yourself up.

Absolutely.

I suggest reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People." There's tons of free ebooks of it online and also on youtube if you prefer to listen. This really helped me understand communicating with anyone regardless of situation and translated well into relationships.

Also, Cracking the Communication Code is really good I've heard.

Look into fair fighting as well. :)

Just keep swimming. It really WILL get easier. And I know it's hard to know that the person you loved is sad. That's because you're clearly a kindhearted, loving person. Right now, direct more of that kindness toward yourself. You will meet a man down the road who is worth your heart. For now, concentrate on healing it so it's ready. You can't heal yourself if you're too busy trying to heal HIM.

This book helped me a lot. This too.

This isn't for everyone, but Psychopath Free by Jackson Mackenzie was really valuable to me. If you were in an abusive relationship I highly recommend it - a lot of the pseudo-clinical stuff is to be taken with a grain of salt, as it is largely anecdotal. Additionally, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.

I have borderline personality disorder myself, and I have read so much about ASPD, but never really any NPD stuff

Ive always wanted to read Why Does He Do That? but i am not sure if its really related to NPD, but this one looks intriguing: http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Spinning-Start-Breathing-Narcissist/dp/1495253074/ref=pd_sim_14_25?ie=UTF8&amp;refRID=0EZC55EXANP06BZ9P4GR

edit: even if its not any good, its freaking FREE with amazon prime, and i mean the physical copy, HELL YEAH!

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing that Ever Happened to You

This is another good one:

Attached

It's going to be hard. You try reason with yourself that you should contact them, there will be happy ending even if not getting back together and all the feelings you have now will go away. It won't. It will make you worse and prolong your hurt. Being nocontact is what will make you feel better as it will stop giving you updates adding more fuel to your fire.

There is an app on Android for nocontact. It's very basic but its good if you get weak and need reminding - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hardy.nocontact