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So, in a nutshell. You're married and are planning on cheating/have cheated. You don't mention anything about your wife and your attempts to improve the marriage. And you're asking us or advice out whether or not you should be truthful to your plate.
"Guys, I'm a liar and want to know if any of you really experienced dudes can tell me whether or not to tell the truth while I'm lying."
How bout look up the word integrity.
But, but, but TRP is amoral.
15 months in and you still don't have a backbone. Here I was thinking "own your shit" meant actually owning it...
> I mean seriously, could this be any more fucking pathetic?
I've never seen a grown man so fucking triggered by other men making life choices that are different than his.
It's hilarious.
Here RPS. I found a site you will fit right in on.
You had me with the Grandmaster hook, but your message is an odd one and about 14 years late for an internet community mostly made up of power users. That being said, optimizing your searches is a worthwhile skill that will only benefit you.
Try these: Search operators & Advanced searching
This is true.
But, I listen to Audible in my car everyday, and I'd much rather do that than listen to music that I've already heard before. Only time I really ever listen to music in the car now is when I'm on my way to the gym.
The habit that I have gotten into is listening to one book, letting it digest while listening to a different book, then listening to the first again. I drive around an hour (sometimes more) everyday between work, home, and the campus, so I am able to get in a pretty good chunk of listening throughout the day.
MRP Books on Audible I've listened to:
- 48 Laws of Power
- Art of Seduction
- The Way of Men
- No More Mr. Nice Guy!
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (I consider this to be semi-MRP at least)
Non-MRP Books:
- Anything by Mark Levin
- Stephen King's On Writing
- The Prince (Not sure if Machiavellianism counts as MRP, so I put it here)
- A course on the evolution of conservatism
- The Vision of the Anointed
Future Books:
- Mastery -- I love Robert Greene's books, and this is the one that I am highly anticipating.
- Two Treatises of Government by John Locke
- Other political books
I agree with much of what you've said here:
- No employer loyalty
- Earn your own income
- Millionaire next door
Lots of good concepts. HOWEVER, I would urge some caution about becoming a landlord. In some situations, you can make very good money. When home prices are rising, you have a good tenant, and nothing goes wrong. HOWEVER, this is risk: home prices may not rise. You could get stuck with a nightmare tenant. Maintenance and repair is all on you. There's a HUGE amount of hidden costs and risks with home ownership, either primary or rental. It's not necessarily a bad decision, but go in cautiously and educated.
And for "Financial Investing", I'm old school, but STATISTICALLY there is no investment vehicle that will get you better returns than a low-cost index fund. NONE. Don't pick stocks. Stupid businesses are high risk (bars, franchises, etc). Alt-investing has risk (bitcoin, microloans, etc).
One component you haven't touched on is austerity. This is covered really well at Mr. Money Mustache. The Millionaire Next Door's primary thesis says that high net worth is driven more by savings than income. Go without at home. Be a penny pincher. Give up that luxury and status. Use THAT as a foundation for your financial investing.
Damn, TFA . . . you said this was not going to be easy and you were not joking. Throat punch on day 2. Here goes:
> You just want to be loved. Your wife doesn’t love you, ~~your family doesn’t love you, and no matter how hard you try you just aren’t good enough…~~
My biggest fear ~~was~~ is (don't know honestly) that I am a pathetic validation whore. I used to feel this through an insatiable desire for sex from either wife or myself. Through abundance mentality, OI, and no-fap I have broken that connection; and now enjoy sex for the pleasure and bonding. However, I still long to be appreciated and valued as demonstrated by words and deeds of a woman. I have twice directly stated my needs in the last two months (after 16 months of STFU about me needs); that she is not meeting my needs (non-sexual) and that she makes me feel like she does not value my time and attention. She did not argue with my assertion; and made no indication anything would change. I am now getting this need met by another woman. Sure enough, these are the feelz I was looking for.
One part of me says it is completely valid to have this need. Another part of me says your a pathetic validation whore. I am not sure which is correct. I started listening to "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" again this last weekend. I am starting therapy for the first time on Monday. I want to answer this question.
Fucking ugh . . . I need to go outside an hose myself off.
> It will probably take me a year+ to get down to where I want to be.
Physically, yes; but that is no excuse for you not to act like the Man you want to be right now.
> My path forward is to continue losing weight and lift. Up my SMV
TRP/MRP is about taking your life back as a Masculine Male, not just getting more sex from your wife. The increased sex, respect, and enjoyment of life are byproducts of becoming what you were born to become, a Man.
In a situation as bad as yours, I would be totally upfront. Take your actions through lifting weights and reading more (I have been listening to A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy on audiobook and can't recommend it enough. Take charge of your nutrition. Openly tell her that you're done living like this and you want you and her to cook some healthy meals together. Enjoy your wife, don't resent her, it's your fault you became fat and weak not hers, so don't project your anger from your self to her. Have fun in the kitchen, get her onboard the fitness train, and let her know that you're done being a weaksauce husband. Then don't discuss it again.
Usually I recommend you just doing these things without informing her, but you're so far out of shape and sexless that I think you need to get the air cleared and then you start improving without ever looking back.
Again, don't be disgusted by your wife. She's still with you after you blew up and she was forced to take the wheel. She embodies the woman you love, she's not the embodiment of your shit mistakes.
Check out Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman, if you haven't already. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400078393
It's a Cognitive Behavioral Technique that uses the acronym ABCD.
For example:
Adversity: I set a boundary, and my wife gave me a huge test. Belief: Her test means I didn't set the boundary right. I did something wrong. Consequence: I replay it over and over in my head and get emotionally wrapped up. Disputation: Her test is just her being a woman. It has nothing to do with the way I set the boundary. I did nothing wrong.
If you like this stuff, check out the book "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". Then read the main reference by the original Stoics. That shit really helped me with my frame.
I had the weakest frame of anyone here, and lifting, Stoicism, writing, reading really transformed me. Read my older posts, you will see how i changed.
Once you have frame, all is clear, and sexual strategy is very easy. You stop focusing on the woman, and focus on yourself, because you are the price, and they notice and follow.
The MRP advice on this issue is misguided. What you are describing are the actions of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or BPD traits. Before anything you should probably take look at /r/BPDlovedones.
Her behavior is not your fault and you aren't the only one that experiences the raging, manipulation, and blaming. There are many people like us.
Every book on the sidebar is there for a reason. If you skip a book, you'll miss important points.
And the section titled "General Awesome Guy Shit" isn't specifically related to MRP, but they are all either based on RP principles or will help you challenge yourself and think more like an RP man.
Example: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance has nothing to do with RP directly. But after I read that, I felt like an entire philosophical world had just been made accessible and was laid out before me, ready for me to explore. With the dramatic ending, I felt like not all feelings had to be feminine. I really sensed the struggle Pirsig was describing in myself, and that book helped me know that I wasn't alone.
That Awesome Guy section is also just the beginning. Check out TFA's book lists on his blog, and do your own research to find books that will help you, both fiction and non.
Another example: I got much value out of reading Mornings On Horseback. Nowhere to be found on the hallowed sidebar, so I made my own private additions to it.
If you don't have a lot of experience, your best bet is to join a gym has free weights and power racks . . . as opposed to a bunch of machines. Get a personal trainer for several months. This will get you the best start, get you out of the house, and introduce you to some new bros.
Your plan has a very sorta, kinda, maybe, when I get around to it feel. Make specific plans with goals and a timeline. Execute to the plan. A small plan executed well is better than a big plan not executed.
> How do you balance stoicism with wanting to be fairly open with the woman you’re sharing your life with?
this question shows you have zero understanding of what stoicism is. i would recommend you finish the prereqs first, but then read "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". in the meantime; start dialing back anything that feels like a victim puke to your wife.
> This is a decision YOU must make
The decision to go to therapy is like sexual desire - it can't be negotiated. He might be able to convince her to go, but if she's not engaged in the process then it will be a waste of time. How To Win Friends and Influence People has good techniques for engaging people and showing them different perspectives. Motivational Interviewing is also good. The book I read was pretty heavy, but they teach it to cops, so there's probably a simple guide out there somewhere.
> How would you handle this situation?
I'd punch myself in the dick, hard, and often for a combination of captain saveaho, marrying mommy, and being a pussy.
GO check out and read the sidebar reading, the back here, and stop asking people what you should do with your life.
But, if we are doing the twich plays pokemon with your life, may I suggest putting down 5 year old letters?
You're been the cruelst person ever to her. She wanted, nay, needed a strong man to anchor her shit to... you've denied her that for almost a decade. You're the parent who was too weak to say no to the kid eating all day, and now sitting here and saying that they can't figure out how they got diabetes. Your goto answer of waiting for someone else to tell you what to do speaks volumes.
Oh, and with the IUD, they are like electronics, if they break, it's in the first week, chances are there's something wrong with the install, go get her back to the doc and get it re inserted.
'By the way, this isn't the tough love' that you seem to be craving here. You need to realistically assess your shit right now. It's painfully obvious to everyone, and you shouldn't be thanking anyone for pointing it out to you
I fucked up my back one summer. I couldn't squat or put on my socks or shoes without pain. It was like that for months. There are these 3 movements, championed by this world renound spinal doctor, dr stuart mcgill.
These 3 movements done regularly, are good preventive medicine and can speed up recovery if you are in pain. This doctor has helped record breaking power lifters get back to lifting and breaking records.
If you get shot down, do some mobility work while you watch Netflix.
Stay healthy guys.
--Think and Grow Rich
--Everything I learned at the Top I learned at the Bottom
--Don't Let Anybody Steal your Dream
Just don't start drawing circles- although Network Marketing looks a lot like PUA game.......
Just going to second what others are saying here.
My wife was leery of me reading these "self improvement" books, as I called them. She especially freaked out when I told her the title to NMMNG, thinking I was going to become this insensitive asshole. Funny thing is, after reading it, I'm going to share parts of it with her because I think it will help her become less codependent as well regarding her parents.
Most of the books aren't directly connected to TRP, so if she asks I just say that I found them by searching for self improvement books for men and followed amazon's "customers who bought this also bought" suggestions (which is true, many sidebar books are closely related in amazon searches).
I also threw in more benign books like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and Aurelius' Meditations, so I wasn't just reading scary relationship books.
TL;DR: You got this man. Take a deep breath, pick up your balls, and open that book in front of her.
Week 10
Body
Body weight 215 lbs target: 176 lbs.
I meet up with a guy from boxing classes, who is also a fitness trainer - we gone through my forms and there is a lot room for improvement. Basically I moved to quick by cheating with my form. Nothing too bad, but I have to scale done the weight a bit.
Readings
~~MMSLP~~
~~NMMNG~~
~~WISNIFG~~
~~Models~~
~~Way of the superior man~~
~~Book of pook~~
~~The Game~~
~~48 Laws of power~~
~~Rational Male~~
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Mission and Relationship
I am on vacation which I use to go on home hunt and do nothing. It takes of so much pressure. On the other hand it feels like I accomplish very little beside reading and sports. Maybe its just hard for me to unwind.
I am seeing one of the plates more often. This girl is hot, she cooks, she draw me a picture - she got her life in order. I better make a separate post about this to get your opinion on it.
Househunt is going ok. All the flats have downsides. The smallest one is expensive, the cheapest one doesn't allow cats and is somewhat far from where I work, etc. I have till the end of this year to get out of this house but I don't want to just sit around here if I can start somewhere new.
Main Objectives:
Getting a new flat
Meditate
Rollo's Mental point of origin, https://therationalmale.com/2014/11/14/mental-point-of-origin/
Gorilla Mindset - Great basic understanding of frame with a list of homework actions to practice which helps you literally list out your "metal point of origin" as a foundation, though he calls it something different.
When I say no, I feel guilty - tactical, verbal sparing
Way of Men by Jack Donovan - A brutal definition of masculinity which helps your frame of mind.
Models by Mark Manson - A clear definition of what all women want in a man they are going to fuck
Stocism - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36k50h/stoicism_a_primer_for_how_to_be/
Also, /u/Sepean recommends Guide to the good life by William B. Irvine which I have on order but haven't read yet.
Also maybe skim "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu while you're in your lawyer's waiting room.
If you announce to your opponent that you're going into battle, and that your strategy will be xyz, and your position will be abc, you might end up getting outmaneuvered.
You probably know this already, but some of the advice you're getting here seems kind of panicked and rushed, based no doubt on your scissors / exploding glass / pushing down the stairs / etc. stories.
I am a big fucking fan of The Art of War and The Laws of Power.
Still, I think this scene from Bruce Lee's Enter the Dragon illustrates how to handle a Shit Test
>never apologize
I get the idea, because so often when blue pill we would apologize for everything. I think in this case though apologizing for things you did (as opposed to apologizing for her benefit) has its benefits twofold:
1) As per Dale Carnigie's How To Win Friends and Influence People: Utterly and completely agreeing (or admitting in this case) to a mistake or flaw in action or self completely removes any power they may have had over you. For example if you are late to a meeting and your boss says so, and you say "I agree with you sir I was late, that's completely irresponsible and not at all professional or what is expected of me" he has nothing else to go on. You've taken the power out of his hands. In the same way there's no way his wife could ever hold this over him (either overtly or covertly) if he owns it...and if she tries to he can simply say "that issue was discussed and resolved and we wont be talking about it again".
2) By apologizing for a real wrong, he actually sets the example for what he expects both for him, and his wife in the future. In a marriage where a man will own his mistake (again this is a mistake as percieved by him and his ideal relationship not as percieved by her and her often rediculous, farfetched list of wrongs that we used to apologize for as blue pillers) he is constructing a framework of ownership that he expects her to follow as well, so that in the future if she fucks up somehow, he can expect the same response (and if he doesnt get it, can judge what value she is taking away from the relationship).
Extreme Ownership, George Washington: A Life, The Obstacle is the Way, The Warlord Chronicles - I think there is a post with audiobook recommendations, you can look through my site for books I've read/listened to.
I'll second the recommendation of Your Money or Your Life. It is a bit dated, but 100% spot on for defining what financial independence is all about. I am 100% debt free and have my drop dead money just in case.
One item that your post highlights is that it is very difficult to be in charge of your life when debt cripples your ability to live. You can be in charge of the finances, but if you lack fiscal discipline, most of the other mrp goals will be unattainable.
Check out Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. You can get the book or some churches have video courses (which are great).
The courses directly deal with this, and have some great advice with finances as well. It has turned our fiances upside down (in a good way) for my wife and I who had nearly identical issues. We now have individual accounts for a variety of purposes, such as an Emergency account, a checking account for her and one for me which are strictly "fun money" and get $40 each paycheck put in there, a general account which we pay bills and buy household and child-related stuff, as well as investment accounts.
He will teach you how to have a zero-based budget (which is brilliant, I've never heard of it before this) and really know what you are spending. For the first time in decades we actually are seeing a positive cashflow in our house, and it's a dramatic difference. We made some major changes, sold a car we bought just last year, cut up all our credit cards, and generally are spending less overall.
The big take-away that you will learn is that buying a car is the #1 mistake people make. Just last year my wife wanted a new mini-van because kids, and we were looking at the Honda which was $30k+. Now after the course she's agreed we will pay cash for whatever we buy, and it probably won't cost more than $5k. That's a HUGE improvement.
Seriously. Check it out.
"I was nothing before and when I die I will return to that state of nothingness"
What do I care what my wife does when I'm dead?
In regards to life being a war, I agree and believe that this why 'The book of Five Rings' 'The Art of War' etc... are so applicable to every day living.
Also, for anyone who has a fear of death, I highly recommend reading some of the Stoic Philosophers writings.
Life is not about resolve. It is about discipline.
Be a man. Don't be a child that only does the hard stuff when he feels like it. Be a disciplined man, do stuff with discipline, keep going. These aren't changes you will see in a few days. 2 weeks is NOTHING. Estimate one month per year of relationship before you see changes. And then, you can never quit. If you stop improving, you will lose all the terrain you gained. These are changes you make in yourself, forever, all the time, always improving.
When you feel emotionally confused, go do something concrete to improve your SMV. Go to the gym. Buy new clothes. Read the sidebar for an hour. Heck, do pushups. The key is to reprogram your brain to take action instead of bitch.
For motivation read the book called "The War of Art" (not to be confused with The Art of War).
Stop whining and go lift.
> when I take command of our finances, nutrition, and organization of the house.
If you want it to work, then you'll need to do this strategically. Make her a part of it, make your healthier meals together. I recently got into cooking with my wife and we've made it fun and sexy.
Don't come across as the guy who says, Give me the helm, the captain hat, and all the things that come with being the leader because it's stupid and won't work.
Being able to walk away is key and will build a presence of dread that will always be felt on her end.
If you're tactful, want it to work, and have a solid wife - things will improve. You just have to own your shit and not be butthurt about the past failures on her part as well as your own.
You are a new Man, do not let the past infiltrate your newfound motivation and fuck it up.
I suggest you read (or listen to) the book A Guide to the Good Life: The art of Stoic Joy
I strongly recommend A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by Irvine. It specifically deals with overcoming hardships, like using negative visualization to keep things in perspective and find joy in what you have, and teaches you to place value on exercising your character in the face of hardship.
Try to find the documentary The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off. I don't think he's a practicing stoic, but he sure acts like one. I saw that years ago and it still stands out to me as an example of how great a human being you can be even when faced with incredible hardship.
I concur with the Irvine recommendation. A great read.
For me, mindfulness meditation is the mental equivalent of lifting. Meditation makes me more productive and in control throughout the day. For a first book, I suggest Mindfulness in Plain English by Henepola Gunaratana.
You can move in with your mom and get a head start practice gaming the post-wall single mom bracket.
Or you can move in with your dad and get more insight into asshole game.
Or you can move in with your girlfriend and practice real game.
This sub is not here to micromanage your life for you and this is a decision you need to make for yourself. It might be the first major decision about your life you have ever made. Make it- and don't burn your bridges!
Read Tsun Tsu The Art of War. You are going to need it:
Winning a hundred battles is not the acme of skill. Subduing your opponents (family) without fighting is the acme of skill.
Know yourself and know your enemy and you will always be victorious in battle.
Know yourself but do not know your enemy, or know your enemby but do not know yourself and you will only be victorious in 1/2 your battles.
Know not yourself and know not your enemy and you will never be victorious.
I suggested this in another thread, but Learned Optimism is a good way to head this off.
It's a very specific mental tactic to fight off overthinking.
It relies on ABCD. Adversity, Belief, Consequence, Disputation.
Adversity: Someone said "we need to talk later."
Belief: Mind goes crazy. Krap, I'm in trouble. What did I do at work. What's this about?
Consequence: You feel awful and keep thinking it over and over.
Disputation: Maybe "we need to talk later" means she wants to talk about sucking my cock later. Maybe my boss wants to give me a raise. Etc.
http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393
I'm huge on reading so I would definitely recommend a few books that I have to be pretty thought provoking. I'm at work now, so these are off the top of my head.
• ‘Washington: A Life” By Ron Chernow
• ‘The Art of War’ by Sun Tzu
• ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen R. Covey
• ‘How to Win Friends & Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie
• ‘Gates of Fire: An Epic Novel of the Battle of Thermopylae’ by Steven Pressfield
• ‘How to be your dog’s best friend’ by New Skete Monks
MrSex4UNYC talked about this in this post nearly 15 years ago.. (This link is a repost of part of the original thread from the old a.s.f. news group. This link is his reply post to an earlier poster.) It is referred to as "reflective listening", and sounds like validation. There is a lot of discussion about it in the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, and is a very effective technique for dealing with BPD.
Edit: Here is the original a.s.f, discussion thread mentioned above. I skimmed it briefly, but I think there is more in there to be gleaned. I might pull this out to a separate post later.
> Year salary in relatively liquid cash and investments along with retirement accounts and plan to retire by 55 ... Keep on top of expenses
Take a look at YNAB, by far the best budgeting / money system I've ever found.
> I got a bullshit vegan wallet. Literally only present anyone got for me.
Sorry man, this made me laugh out loud. Who the fuck gets a vegan wallet?!? A VEGAN WALLET!!!
> But it bummed me out that no one went out of their way to get me anything or even say thanks.
This year I bonused out an entire average paycheck to each employee ... and not one person said thank you.
Marcus Aurelius the Roman Emperor and Stoic practitioner will help us out:
“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.”
http://boldanddetermined.com/ is a very masculine website with tons of self improvement, latest fitness fads, and other content. In particular I like the Old School 1970's bodybuilding routines.
Edit:
https://www.mixcloud.com/RedPillPhilosophy/ is also kind of good. While not specifically towards married men will definitely give you some things to think about.
I can see how it comes off that way out of context. But truthfully the show largely avoids this temptation, and having her behave any other way would undermine the source material. Nor is the notion ahistoric, which combine to make the shows interpretation a reasonable one in my opinion.
>Parenting
>
>Haven’t been able to keep calm with the kids. This is my goal, but I get angry when they don’t listen after repeating something 3 times. I
I swear by this book, 123 magic. I didn't realize it before writing about it on here but it fits in perfectly with all the other mrp stuff. Stop DEERing to your kids, stop throwing shame and guilt at them. Create consistent boundaries and enforce them with little, if any, emotion.
> Squat has stalled due to my shit ankle flexibility, so I've added a lot of passive stretches and PNF to fix this rather than buying heeled shoes or raising my heels.
This doesn't make sense to me. What kind of flexibility issues?
I can literally bend my right ankle 90-degrees; years of basketball and multiple sprains. If I recall correctly, the doctor said I have no ligament or cartilage (one or the other/both???). This frightened me as I had this image in my head of my ankle giving way while lifting. Fuck, sometimes when I walk it just gives out.
I bought a brace he sold and then another off Amazon. I found no difference so wore the cheaper one for probably a year. I had no issues. Edit: I no longer wear it as it's no longer needed for my psyche.
The shoes - I don't get that, either. I bought these (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01A95PCX0/) not for my ankle issues but to help my lifts. Regular shoes have soles that depress which means you lose a lot of energy in the press transition. Weightlifting shoes have harder rubber soles. To my knowledge this has nothing to do with ankle flexibility.
Regardless, get shoes. You'll likely see a 5-10% boost in your squat, DL, and OHPs.
>It's essentially red pill for kids.
I'm so glad you liked 123 Magic. When I first saw you read it I thought, wait, that's not red pill. But the book is essentially just, set boundaries for your kids that you can be consistent with (don't rambo) and then strip out your emotions from the enforcement (Plus STFU and stop DEERing to your kids all the time about the boundaries)
Thoughts of a philosphical fighter pilot was transformative for me. I was whining and crying because my wife was mean. Boo hoo. Dude spent 7 years in a hanoi POW camp. Solitary for four of those years, in leg irons for 18 months, took 15 torture beatings for information. Dude held frame.
If Dude could do that, why can't I?
Why dude held frame: He chose to live, and to make sure that experience was used for some greater good later. This was a decision he made in prison. Wow.
He also had some insights into the nature of power in relationships that I found powerful.
Once I read that I was ready for the Enchiridion (by Epectitus) but not really his Discourses, which are thick and hard to get to the point. The Enchiridion is short and to the point. Also, I had previously listened to Meditations on Audio CD in my BluePill days, didn't "get it", and after Thoughts I was ready to "get it."
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1469259842/
Iron John was good for me, but I grew up with a father who was gone a lot (off working) and have been a disengaged dad/passive parent once my daughters got to be ~6 and 8 and didn't need me daily as I was off working too.
A big part of Iron is also the feminization of the man, the labelling of some strong elements of masculinity as "bad", denying the self, the coming of age process, the value of mentoring from older men ... very MRP compatible, good stuff. It is also mytho-poetical - he reverse-engineers what it is to become a man from classical and native/barbarian sources (some "primitive" societies still have these rituals, he studies them) - if you enjoy that, it's a good book. If not, it might be for you.
I literally had Iron John on my amazon wish list twice, decided "nah", then found it in a thrift store for $0.50. I do not think that was a coincidence.
Info | Details
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Amazon Product | The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband’s Time, Attention, and Affection
>Amazon donates 0.5% of the price of your eligible AmazonSmile purchases to the charitable organization of your choice. By using the link above you get to support a chairty and help keep this bot running through affiliate programs all at zero cost to you.
I will use this to promote the single most impactful thing I did for my attractiveness/hygiene last year:
https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Tungs-Tongue-Cleaner-Stainless/dp/B00064JGBO
This thing is FUCKING AMAZING
I know, I know, tongue scrapers. You've heard of this. "Why not just brush your tongue with your toothbrush?" as my sister in law asked.
Trust me.
I brushed my tongue every day, but the first time I used this thing so much white shit came off my tongue I had an existential crisis.
Buy it, use it, love it.
BONUS: read the amazon reviews. They are fucking bonkers.
WOTSM = The Way of the Superior Man. One of the most helpful and insightful of the Sidebar books, imo.
The Art of Seduction bored me to death, too. Day Bang by Roosh and Models by Mark Manson had the most practical carryover to my every day life and interactions with women. I can highly recommend them.
Based on this, the first chapters look like How To Win Friends and Influence People combined with Motivational Interviewing. It makes sense, since those are mandatory reading for negotiators. I don't remember the types of "yes" in those books, though.
I can see why you'd make this the next book after the sidebar prerequisites, especially with the "hostage negotiator" hook.
Will definitely check it out instead of re-reading the others.
Week 11
Body
Body weight 217 lbs target: 176 lbs.
Gained some weight by not sticking to my diet. More important than weight seems to be body fat percentage, so I update my scale to one that can measure it. After some initial reduction on my weight in favor of form I am back on track now and increase steadily.
Missed one workout last week - cause I mixed up opening hours at the gym. So at least I did something.
I am still not anywhere close I want to be with my body in other words not ripped. I know that 5x5 is not a program to get ripped but I also don't want to quit it before it is due.
I feel tired most of the time. Not sure why - I go to bed around 11pm and get up at 6:30am.
Readings
~~MMSLP~~
~~NMMNG~~
~~WISNIFG~~
~~Models~~
~~Way of the superior man~~
~~Book of pook~~
~~The Game~~
~~48 Laws of power~~
~~Rational Male~~
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Mission and Relationship
I have found a flat and moving in in September. This will save me about $100 each month. So I got this flank covered.
Plate is behaving nicely. But since I can have sex whenever I want I don't need it as much. Somehow I get the feeling if I have enough sex I get content and this in turn makes me lazy. This said I am rather discontent with me having missed one workout. It's just one workout in 11 weeks but I could have avoided it if I would have been in the gym in the morning like I usually do instead of having sex.
Main Objectives:
- Getting the work done that piled up on my desk during vacation
"Wife, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't dress our daughter like a whore. She has plenty of time to do that after she moves out. While she is here, she will dress modestly."
Then shut up.
The problem is, you told your wife your "theory" which is basically an attack on your wife. No one likes to get attacked and most women aren't stoic in the face of direct criticism. Attack the clothes, not the wife.
Go read Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People.
If I were you, I'd have talked to my daughter years ago about attention seeking and how it's low class. Maybe you still have time.
Week 8
Body
Body weight 215 lbs target: 176 lbs.
Lifting and Sports is going steady. No surprises here
Readings
~~MMSLP~~
~~NMMNG~~
~~WISNIFG~~
~~Models~~
~~Way of the superior man~~
~~Book of pook~~
~~The Game~~
~~48 Laws of power~~
~~Rational Male~~
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Mission and Relationship
Dated a second girl - scored - first time in 4 years with an other women than my ex-wife. I enjoyed it, but it still feels different. She enjoys the companie of a man, her last relationship was kind of beta. She enjoys not being in charge all the time.
The other girl (first girl) is totally manipulative. Wrote with her about other tinder guys - she dated a a guy for a car batterie. I think she want's to friendzone me as a soft next since I am not playing her game. Told her we could meet tomorrow if I can make time and pick up where we left (kiss). Pump and Dump.
But don't think second girl is better, she had one guy over to assemble her wardrobe.
So friendly reminder: If you do anything for your date you are beeing played. AWALT
Main Objectives:
Not getting oneits
Getting the house done (one room at a time)
Keep morning routine in place
My "goal" is creating a system for some level of physical exercise every day. What I chose is the smallest/easiest task to create the system with, and a baseline habit to build from.
This is based on Scott Adams Goals vs Systems & The Power of Habit.
The question as to whether there is a distinction is interesting. Ever since reading Chapter 13 of Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich" ("THE MYSTERY OF SEX TRANSMUTATION", the idea of of channeling that energy has fascinated me.
For me at least, horniness is required for sex drive - but not vice versa. Over the past number of years as I have struggled with hormone issues that have killed my libido at times and caused issues with ED. It has really driven home how tightly my identity is coupled to my sexuality, and how much a change in sexuality has negatively impacted me. I am really hoping that my appt at a mens clinic I have set up for next month can help with this. Without reasonable levels of T and Free T, it is hard to be the kind of man I want to be.
>I don't seem to be terribly interested in any work though, and even in my personal life, the things I'm interested seem to change with the seasons
Chapter 7 of "Your Money or Your Life" may be insightful to you. It talks about how we foolishly treat paid work as if it's the only kind of work, and then get confused when it doesn't satisfy us.
>How does one find/create drive/purpose? It feels like everything is already done for us in this modern world.
Start tracking (write it down) what you've done and what you would like to be able to say you have done. Life isn't about what everyone else has done, or what is done for you; it's about what you decide to do.
I'm currently reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius for the second time this year, Gregory Hays translation this time. So excellent. It really should be on the sidebar for reading (it's currently under BPP's advanced reading list but should be a course prerequisite).
5.20: The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.
Visualizing bad things happening to you and your loved ones. It puts you trivial challenges in perspective and makes you enjoy what you have.
I you're interested in this stuff I suggest you read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine
>and now being sick, I've slacked in helping with the kids and have not led the family well as a result the past 8-10 days. The problem is, I let myself feel like I deserved a break because of those things. I need to stop making excuses and be "on point" at all times, even if this means delegating some things, as opposed to just checking out.
Good job recognizing this. Being sick is tough, but we cannot expect any sympathy.
>Lifting Not happening. Too many excuses.
The hardest part is starting. Once you are able to go a few times, make it a habit. Speaking of habit, read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It will help you understand how to break bad habits and establish new routines.
>Reading I've slacked off on sidebar reading. I'm reading Extreme Ownership and some Stoic writings, but it's clear to me that I need to go back and read/study/implement the NMMNG, MMSLP, and WISNIFG. I also want to tackle /u/BluePillProfessor 's new book
I recommend doing this from experience. My second read of these books was much more helpful than the first. If anything, it will give you perspective on where you are: you will see what things you have fixed and what you need to work on.
Quite a few of the books from that era are rather dry reads that packed more information into its pages than the average human could absorb when reading it. How To Win Friends and Influence People is a similar story.
Read it a chapter at a time, spend a week testing and implementing it. If it's still not sinking in, repeat. If you aren't really getting it still, just move on and come back to it later. You'll likely find value in repeating the process after you finish the book or 6 months later, the context and experience will bring out meaning you didn't see before.
Another alternative is to do a quick skim of the chapter, then read it in depth, then read it at a quicker pace. It's 3 readings, but you'll grasp the material a lot better.
This sounds like you're looking for answers in extraneous behaviors while ignoring the fundamentals. Quit looking for quick fixes; when the initial rush stops, you'll just start looking for something else.
I'm currently reading through The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which explains the difference fairly well. I recommend reading it as it will help you discern between things that discipline you into being a better person and behaviors that only make you seem that way.
Solid decisions up to this point. I saw the site and as someone who is closing in on the CSCS certification anybody who is pushing the health message has my vote.
With that said, your girl is a part of this journey NOT the journey itself. Never make her a part of your identity and if she wants to fuck then fuck, if not then don't.
If it's out of your control don't worry about it. I recommend you check out A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy I've got it on audiobook and so far so good.
Work on the mental aspect of your growth as well as the physical. As I'm sure you know there is a Mind & Body connection that cannot be ignored.
To clarify. Although the Art of War is a great book written by Sun Tzu that applies to MRP, the book The War of Art is a totally different book written by Pressfield.
One is about conflict strategy, the other is about self-motivation and getting shit done to succeed.
"The War of Art" is a great audiobook about how to reach your goals, how motivation is bullshit and discipline is everything, and how to just get shit done.
From the sidebar, the book "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". I'm not a big fan of the book, but the audiobook is well done, and it is entertaining.
All Robert Greene (sidebar) is on audiobook.
"A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" is a great book about Stoic techniques that help with frame, and is also in audiobook.
The podcast "Knowledge for men" is all over the place. They interview the author of NMMNG, pick up artists, MMA fighters, etc. It is very broad in the topics, but all somehow for men. There are a lot of useless interviews, and a lot of gems.
edit for clarification: "The War of Art" by Pressfield is not related to the book "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu
Stoicism has been a big influence on me of late, so I love posts like this, showing the many ways it can affect our enjoyment of life. It is clear to me that there is a strong streak of Stoicism (in the original sense, not current dictionary sense) in TRP. I guess that is why I feel at home here.
Since you mentioned Meditations, I'll put in a word for the other Roman Stoics: Epictetus, Gaius Musonius Rufus, and Seneca. All of their works can be obtained cheaply, which is one of the great things about the modern world. Irvine (reference below) says this about them:
"The contributions these four made to Roman Stoicism were nicely complementary. Seneca was the best writer of the bunch, and his essays and letters to Lucilius form a quite accessible introduction to Roman Stoicism. Musonius is notable for his pragmatism: He offered detailed advice on how practicing Stoics should eat, what they should wear, how they should behave towards their parents, and even how they should conduct their sex life. Epictetus's speciality was analysis: He explained, among other things, why practicing Stoicism can bring us tranquility. Finally, in Marcus's Meditations, written as a kind of diary, we are privy to the thoughts of a practicing Stoic: We watch as he searches for Stoic solutions to the problems of daily life as well as the problems he encountered as emperor of Rome."
But I also want to recommend three new books that I have got a lot out of (apologies if these are mentioned elsewhere, I had a look around and couldn't see them).
Philosophy for Life: and other dangerous situations. Jules Evans. This one isn't just about Stoicism, but the other ancient greek schools of practical philosophy as well, such as Cynicism and Epicureanism.
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. William B. Irvine.
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness. Donald Robertson.
Welcome and thanks for your service.
I had a very similar 3 day reading binge when I unplugged. It hit me like a thousand pounds of lead. Don't worry, everybody reacts this way. It is worse when you are in your 40's and have lived an entire life in the matrix.
What I did next after reading NMMNG, MMSL, MAP and The Book of Pook was to begin studying seduction and pickup artistry. I read The Art of War, The Art of Seduction, Bang, Day Bang, and The Natural. At the same time (I usually read 2-3 books at once) I read several tomes on Men's Rights and the troubles with boys. My advanced reading list is on the MRP sidebar.
The Rational Male book and Blog is also required early reading.
Before you get back to your wife read When I say No I feel Guilty and "The Art of Sexual Massage." Re-read The Sex God Method right before you get back.
If this interests you, I can strongly recommend the book "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" by William B. Irvine. The tactics there helped me a lot to keep frame even before I found TRP and learned what frame meant. It isn't cultish or anything, it just spells out some psychological tricks you can do for yourself to just keep your cool and be happier overall.
Ok, I see what you mean. And indeed, the idea of being "open and honest" about your emotions is, at best, controversial in TRP. There have been a number of threads about this on the main sub and on askTRP, and it seems that the consensus is more about how you frame your emotional honesty. I.e., Mark Manson talks a lot about vulnerability in his book Models, but the vulnerability he's talking about is from a place of strength as opposed to a place of weakness. I.e., you can express your emotions to a woman, but only if you do it with a frame of "... but it's ok, I've got it under control." And I think that's consistent with what Glover is talking about.
The distilled TRP truth, as I understand it, is that you can't burden your woman with your emotions, or even your problems in general, because she can't handle it. She can barely handle her own emotions. But expressing your emotions with strength and conviction, and demonstrating your ability to handle it on your own, can be very attractive.
Another angle to this question is the way Patrice O'Neal talks about it. He often said "if I feel something, that means it's valid" and he talks a lot about how you shouldn't be "a phony" by suppressing your emotions. He was basically talking about how you shouldn't edit yourself to spare her feelings, which is a very similar concept to what we call in TRP "congruence".
Be yourself, but be your best self.
At least, that's my take on it.
Edit: Here are a few examples of this kind of discussion:
- [Being vulnerable - Mark Manson's Models; is it Beta?](/r/TheRedPill/comments/2hd9be/being_vulnerable_mark_mansons_models_is_it_beta/)
- [Highlights from Models by Mark Manson](/r/TheRedPill/comments/25aku3/highlights_from_models_by_mark_manson/)
- [What do you guys think specifically about Mark Manson's perspective on being vulnerable? Seems to clash a little bit with some of TRP.](/r/TheRedPill/comments/2kmal2/what_do_you_guys_think_specifically_about_mark/)
Besides the side bar stuff, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It's stoicism at its best. And it is a classic.
As far as lifting, look at programs like Starting Strength, Strong Lifts, or (what I love) Greyskull LP. There is a ton of info on all of those on either bodybuilding.com or r/bodybuilding.
Sure. RES is Reddit Enhancement Suite is a browser extension that overlays over existing Reddit and offers additional options. It offers features to enhance your Reddit experience, such as a tag feature that sits right next to each username. You click on it and can name it whatever you want.
On r/RPChristians I mostly use it to distinguish the men from the women. I also use it if I see something I think is important to remember, such as one user that started at over 40%BF.
And yes, for those I know I would be wasting my time with I tag them "Don't waste your time" and when I see that tag, I just click the "-" symbol next to their username to collapse that post. Saves me time.
You can also set it to default to the old layout when you click on a person's username to check their comment history. Most of the rest of the features I don't use, but there's tons.
No one is going to be able to tell you what to do in a single post. As always, read the sidebar. If you are working too much to set aside reading time, start with Rian Stone’s Sidebar series. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXmCJkDEG4Io9e0oqg96jyb4T9Me1sWRW
No more Mr Nice Guy on audiobook: No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life (Updated) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078927ZYL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_YCBJSK38TNBCAEKDK63N
The only actionable advice I can give right now, is don’t argue. Don’t get wrapped up in her emotions. Tell her instead of complaining as soon as you walk in the door, that she WILL instead smile and say, “I’m so glad to see you.”
>She decided to hide my work laptop in response.
I might've pointed this out last week, you could treat this like her flirting with you.
>So I find myself in a negotiation to get my work laptop back and have to hand her the TV cables ( I am still a VP in the office). I am completely ridicilous and an embarrassment. Will not do something like this again.
Are you talking about you will not do your original removal of the tv or your negotiation for your laptop back?
If you wanted to remove a tv from your teenage daughter's room how would you go about it? If your teenager responded by hiding your laptop, how would you respond to that? Speaking of kids....
​
>Oftentimes I get frustrated and raise my voice or even get physical (holding them not hitting). I am aware this is total weak ass shit. Grown man cant even hold frame with little kids and gets triggered - embarrassing. Will continue to focus on this and go broken record and without emotional outbursts.
What prompts your anxiety? Is it social situations? Thinking about divorce / custody? Financial stuff?
Fwiw, my wife's therapist recommended When Panic Attacks to learn to deal with her anxiety. It's in my audible queue.
I can't say I'm an expert on the matter, so hopefully others can chime in, but here are a few ideas.
- Strengthen your lower body and core (squats in particular).
- Increase flexibility (especially around the hips). Try not to be sitting all day or for long stretches.
- Belly breathing (in general, but also during sex).
- Breathe out FULLY through your nose when you're getting close.
- I've seen The Multi-Orgasmic Man mentioned on MRP a few places (I believe also touching on PE issues), but I haven't read it.
- Kegels & Reverse kegels. There is pelvic floor therapy for men too.
- Are diet, sleep, and stress all where they should be?
- Stop worrying about your wife's sexual experience and start thinking about how to enjoy yours. I.e., get out of your head about it.
- Masturbate slowly and stop before you ejaculate. Build up the time that you do that.
- I've read that anti-histamines help some people (allergy meds / benadryl).
- I'm not recommending this route, but a quick search over at r/PrematureEjaculation suggests phenibut, kratom, kanna, and DXM as things that can delay ejaculation. Each of them are addictive to different degrees though.
SSRIs often cause ED for men / anorgasmia for women and can cause permanent dysfunction even after discontinuing them (in some cases). see r/PSSD.
>My challenges with sex aren't around success rates with initiation or starfish. I'm not having the sex that I truly want but I'm still having good sex as often as I choose to initiate. I'm afraid of judgement/rejection/shame for asking/doing what I want when it comes to sex.
Do you really think your wife will judge and shame you for wanting to spice things up? Assuming you're not into something really nasty or painful or whatever, she sounds like she might be down. If not, I highly doubt she's going to shame you for it. [Ex: My wife is not very adventurous sexually. I tried to rub my wife's butthole during sex last week. She was like, "What do you think you're doing?" Me: "A lot of girls love it." Wife: "How about I rub yours first?" Me: "ok, go for it." (She didn't realize she couldn't reach during sex, but I half expect it the next time I get a blowjob.) Zero shame or judgement...and she can be pretty judge-y]
And what if she's even kinkier than you and you're wasting all this time being inside your own head when you could be having awesome sex all the time. Regret is worse than rejection.
Regret is worse than rejection also applies to your other fears / anxieties. At what point are you going to take a chance and be who you want to be instead of who you think others want you to be? (btw, props for recognizing / admitting it...now the hard part).
Reading suggestion: The Fountainhead . Roark has a really strong frame and DNGAF attitude about others' opinions because he's true to his vision/mission/work.
>the moment I stopped trying to reason out what I should want and just own what I actually wanted: everything clicked for me.
This is kind of where I'm ending up.
I want to fuck a lot, and I like a particular type of sexual dynamic. Neither of those things is fully present in my marriage and it bothers me.
I've spent years in therapy, journaling, working on myself, trying to remove any kind of desire for validation, neediness, oneitis, etc...trying to kill my weaknesses so a clear picture of my true desires would be left over. Honestly, I was hoping that doing those things would eliminate or modulate my sexual desire, and make all this less of a pain in my fucking ass. I hate rocking the boat with my fucking dick all the time.
But at some point, I just threw up my hands and said "You know what? Maybe I just like to fuck a lot."
Only problem now is trying to communicate exactly what "alot" means without talking all the goddamn time.
By the way, this might be an interesting read for you - I'm about 1/3 of the way through it, and would like to jump to primary sources after finishing.
Thanks for writing all this, and the thoughtful response. I'm going to need to really read this over a few times.
(also, oh shit Gilchrist has another book? fuck)
BTW, just based off your comments and what I know of your reading history, you might really enjoy Sadly, Porn. It's...a fucking wild ride.
I've thought a lot about your replies here and in the other thread since yesterday.
Rather than wade into it here, I am going to recommend you read this book.
You probably read too much already, but it sounds like you need it.
I'll share the quote that I think about the most, the quote that - I think - changed things for me in some subtle way.
"What did the men mainly dream of in the camp?
Always the same: bread, cigarettes, decent ground coffee, and, last but not least, a nice warm bath."
Hook grip is awesome. I start normal overhand... then switch to hook at the end.. it is only once I get to max load that I use straps - but you are far away from that. Train your grip before going for straps. You should not need straps until above 3 plates IMHO.
For hook, get a thumb nub. Like this -
It will help. Takes a while to get used to the pain. But it is worth it.
>Something I’m selfishly wishing doesn’t happen, but I know I feel I have the obligation to do so. This might be Nice Guy conditioning/behaviour, I’m not sure.
That feeling of obligation is based in the guilt you’ll feel from not doing it. Anytime you do something you don’t want to do to avoid feeling guilt or shame you’re in nice guy territory. Learning to say no without feeling guilty is so important somebody wrote a whole book about it.
This shit works for plantar warts.
>I realized how much choice I have over how much power I give emotions.
>I could refuse to acknowledge the message because of how it was delivered (what i have been doing), or I could listen to the meaning and refuse to engage further with how it was being delivered.
The difference you're describing here is a valuable way to think of this. What you did describes exactly how I would define 'boundaries' and is so much more advanced than the askMRP post where a guy announces "I will not put up with your treatment!!!" while engaging in an argument.
​
>I don't want to dismiss the feelings of someone that I care about. I am still working on doing this without feeling like a pussy.
She's just a little girl on the inside. When one of your little kids is throwing a tantrum, you don't tell them their feelings are wrong, or stupid, or try to point out all the reasons they don't need to feel that way. You give them a break. And you don't really even need to speak with them about it later. They'll learn how to communicate with you based on your attention.
>Anyone here who has had that problem with OHP causing neck pain, I’ll take any extra advice I can get.
I always recommend this book for several reasons. After you read/listen, you'll see how it relates to many things beyond your pain.
https://i.ibb.co/VSb9HVd/control.png
"Nice Guys are controlling. A major priority for Nice Guys is keeping their world smooth. This creates a constant need to try to control the people and things around them."
Something to think about.
Check out the Tao of Seneca, https://tim.blog/2017/07/06/tao-of-seneca/, they are available for free ( http://www.openculture.com/2017/10/three-huge-volumes-of-stoic-writings-by-seneca-now-free-online-thanks-to-tim-ferriss.html ) or as an audio book.
Those trap bars look funny, but there are definitely some advantages.
> Accepting the fear of the unknown on the other side once the wife is gone?
Abundance mentality isn't the same as plenty of fish in the sea when a relationship is ending. That idea is only a small part of it. Abundance mentality is the mindset that good things will come around.
>Lifting stats (1RM):
>
> Deadlift 124 kg, Squat 90 kg, Working weights are 80-85kg for the squat and 95-100kg for the deadlift.
​
Quit bullshitting yourself with 1RMs. 1RMs mean nothing - if you can't lift three straight reps of any given weight, then forget about it. I can lift 3 reps of 175kg on a deadlift. That's a 1RM of 185kg. Does that mean I can lift 185kg? Does it fuck. I'm not strong enough. Know your strength and work from a point of honest reality.
​
> Find an activity for Dread level 3 – it will have to be just lifting and business trips for now. That’s 3 evenings and one afternoon per week.
​
You need to have a social life - one that gets you out of your normal routine of just lifting and working. Join a social group, go out and meet new people, practice game, practice conversation, get to the point where you are comfortable going out, walking into a room full of strangers and not only being comfortable with that but enjoying it and bringing something to the party.
If there's nothing obvious going on in your area, sign up to Meetup.com - and if you can't find a group there that grabs your fancy, then start your own. Spend an hour or three a week at a meet up.. could be dinner, drinks, the movies, an art exhibition, a museum trip, a fucking pottery class.. it doesn't matter. Just do it.
Hi guys! I'm conducting a study for my thesis course on Internal Locus of Control and Healthy Living Behaviours. I'd love it if you could complete my questionnaire. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/JJ6G89N OPTIONAL: Submit your email at the end of the questionnaire for a chance to WIN a $20 Starbucks giftcard! Email addresses will only be used for the purpose of contacting the winner. Thanks!:)
>At a mentor’s suggestion we tried a therapist
We told you this weeks ago: A mentor isn't good for all areas of your life. If this is some kind of rabbi or some shit, knock it off. Plus, couples counseling never works. You've made more progress on your own than any therapist will ever help.
First, kill all the marriage counselors.
It's a good book for women.
> I’m looking for good sources of nutritional information so I can see where I am lacking.
I switched a few weeks back from tracking food in MFP to Cronometer and the data quality is leaps and bounds better. It's quicker to use too because you don't have to sift through mountains of user-entered garbage.
> I have a work trip at the end of June I haven’t told her about yet. I am still concerned about her “being mad at me”, when I know that waiting will only make this worse.
Rip the bandaid off. That is, if you're man enough to handle whatever shit tests she will throw at you.
> This hasn’t bothered me because I’m a car guy > > How I think I am more of a catch when driving a nicer car
Well, which is it? Do you want the car because you value the car or because you value what people will think of you?
> They all need nearly the same thing. Time: Attention: Praise: Boundaries:
1,000%
>I also modeled it so it wasn't hard. All this is leadership. They need it, and you can't LARP it. A lot like women, huh? Kids smell bullshit easily. Becoming a HVM exponentially helps what I just outlined.
Listen u/omured, this is critical that you're modeling a healthy example of an adult man for your kids.
​
My favorite book on parenting has been 123 magic. This is for kids under age 10. There's another book, parenting with love and logic and it's excellent but you need to implement 100% of the strategies they discuss. Some of the most dumb fucking pushover helicopter parents I've ever known are people who read PWL&L and just took away the parts that made them feel good.
The book is called Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus.
Hello, I'm a bot! The movie you linked is called The Taming of the Shrew, here's some Trailers
Symmetry will develop as you do it more.
Based on your responses in here it sounds like you aren't focused.
I recommend this progression:
- 5x5 initiation for 2 weeks (intro to lifing)
- 5/3/1 (Boring but big) for 12 weeks (get you strong, grow tissue)
- 8/6/3 for 4 weeks
- Repeat 5/3/1 in a different form for 12 weeks
- maybe 8/6/3 again... maybe a 5x5, maybe a 6x6 for 4 weeks
Focus on the 4 main, basic, compound lifts: Deadlift, Squat, Benchpress, OH Press. Do some accessory lifts around those, (Back, Legs, Chest, Shoulders) in successive order with the main lift.
Here's workout right now: https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=58FFC3A174B7376C!2162&authkey=!AIjWaxOUFFYn7QM&ithint=file%2cdocx
123 Magic seriously transformed my parenting. Before this I would DEER, negotiate, passionately emote and try to intimidate my girls into desired behavior. It doesn't have to be this book but it HAS to be consistent and congruent. Just like training a dog (or your oldest teenager in the house).
That book is not meant to be red pill but if you read it with your red lens you'll see all sorts of MRP stuff throughout it.
It's probably some idiotic ego thing but I refuse to use straps...or a belt. Natty for me is no assistance other than what I bring to the table.
For OP, especially if you sit at a desk all day, here. And if you have a gym near you, rock climb. This will improve grip strength more than anything else. I've also talked to /u/ReddJive about this and he suggested wrapping a towel around the bar when deadlifting, and pinching plates.
If you want to lift 365 x 10 without straps, it's possible.
A good craft beer/IPA will have > 200 calories and about 10 carbs. My favorite is even worse.
A finger of whiskey/bourbon/scotch has ~ 70 calories and zero carbs.
> a low/no carb diet...resisted the temptation to order chicken wings
Are you a retard? Assuming those wings are naked, skip the fries and get the wings, dumbass.
>Only true solution to my finances is to get a job.
Your fucking job hunt… If you're not applying to jobs LIKE IT'S YOUR JOB, you've got some time to get a shitty interim job. IME, the only people who can't start a job within two weeks of needing one don't actually want to have a job. It probably won't be a good job, but if you need money, a job is a job.
You must not actually need money because you're buying watches and shit.
That's pretty good. Hadn't heard of the Eiserhower method before. I'll give it a shot. Another tool I came across: https://freedom.to/
Kinda expensive for a tool that just blocks the internet for you.
Learn computer programming. Same basic reasons as learning some math - exercises lots of parts of the brain a associated with problem solving without requiring a real life crisis.
I’m using office365, confluence and redmine at work. Using apple calendar, confluence and apple reminders at home. You can set due times on reminders.
You might like Trello. I’ve also had click up https://clickup.com/ recommended to me a couple of times recently.
>Your shit's not adding up. We're the same height. You weigh 3lbs more than I. You have 3% less BF, and your squat worksets are 100# less than mine.
Perhaps my measure of BFD is off? I use one of these BF Tester. Additionally, 180lbs is not my max. I have not measured my max in over a year and a half. At that time it was at 350 lbs. I restarted after a year and a half off at a lower weight to rebuild without injuring myself.
My priorities are out of order. Lack of sleep is fueling laziness and probably depression. The nights I am not out until 2 am, I crash or have a hard time focusing. Some nights I do read, but not as much as I need to progress as I want to or need to. Most nights I should be reading.
I'm not going to say "dont", because WOTSM has hit a few guys in here strongly. What you want to look for in general is what in this universe defines the idea of YOU. Who are YOU? And what is your place in this world? Once you know who you are in relation to that which is bigger than the social construct humanity has made, you can rise above that construct and live comfortably as a being who came from that larger (whatever it is). If WOTSM answers that for you, yes reread.
If you find that answer in God, or a God, or science, or philosophy, or psychology, mother nature, or ethereal energy, then be that. Me? I found it in The Unteathered Soul in the line "I am the one who sees."
I believe consciousness is a manifestation of an ethereal presence of all known things that has chosen to inhabit this body of limited knowledge and perception. Because of that, my life is simply a succession of experiences of a subset of that entire possibility of known things, and I can choose to engage with those experiences and adopt them as "me" or choose not to.
To that effect, being flirty in line with a chick is me. Not being flirty in line with a chick is also me. Both are ok.