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I wouldn't worry about being beta, red pill, or whatever people think about women. Worry about how YOU think and feel about yourself.

You want to know the secret to getting better with women? Be better with yourself first. Learn to develop your own ideas and thoughts. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and when people cross those boundaries politely let people know you won't tolerate that kind of behaviour.

For example, I don't like being making racist jokes around me. When someone does I let them know. If they continue to do so I don't associate with them.

Have goals for yourself and set to achieve them. Hang around people who raise those around them to be better and avoid those who do.

Learn that being selfish is ok as long as you aren't being a jerk. You cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself first.

Many books are written about this and I haven't even scratched the surface on this topic. Some books I would recommend would be the following:

Models by Mark Manson as someone mentioned before No More Mr. Nice Guy How to win friends and influence people

Tldr; in order to get better with women you need to become improve yourself in different aspects in your life and you will develop confidence.

• Rethinking Narcissism - This book made me chuckle a few times because of how enlightening it was in making so much sense out of my 29 years of life.

• Loving What Is - This book made me embrace the whole "not my circus, not my monkeys" philosophy. It also helps with keeping things in perspective to limit wanting to punch things or curl up in a hole.

• Essentialism - This book paired with the one mentioned below has helped me get my shit together on a permanent basis.

• The Power of Habit - This ought to be required reading for all students.

Also I've now made a habit of falling asleep listening to lectures on YouTube. Listening to someone lecture on whatever I am interested in be it Spiritual, Psychological, Educational or just Joe Rogan carrying on about something interesting, has improved my quality of sleep. By falling asleep to a lecture it prevents me from doing what I call "Night Dreading" where all the shit I fell guilty or shameful about comes popping up in my brain. I've also heard that even though I'm sleeping that my brain is still (on some level perhaps) listening and absorbing the information. Regardless of this is true or not fact is I sleep better, fall asleep faster and I do feel better overall through out the day.

Stop. Because you already have more than twice what you should have. If you set too many goals and standards to change at once, you’re never going to do it. I’ve been there and it isn’t a good idea.

A big idea when it comes to this sort of thing is that when a person focuses intensely on a few good, foundational habits, other good more tangent habits fall in place. You need to be focusing on what is, to you, the most foundational areas of your life. For me this was Exercise, Proactiveness, and Career Building. Notice how I said exercise, and not health. Notice I said proactiveness, and not productivity. That’s because if you make these things to broad you’ll get lost, overwhelmed, confused, or all three with everything you’re trying to do.

Find the most immediate and foundational things you need to work on and let the rest fall in line behind it. I promise it will. I recommend reading The Power of Habit that goes into more detail about this, because it really is what helped me make a real change in my life instead of running in circles trying to improve myself and getting no where. If you want to talk more about it DM me.

I know that feeling. Most people don't think about it because it's usually what happens naturally when you grow up (or they don't care at all which is another problem).

I used to believe I would turn into a robot if I became more "efficient." But it did not happen. I'm still myself but I do what I like more efficiently.

Instead of playing stupid games on my phone (the glorified timers full of IAPs), I only keep the good games (RPGs...) Instead of reading stupid stuff all around the web, I listen to audio books or read ePubs. At work, I can focus on solving real problems instead of being stuck with small problems that can be automated.

Everything is better (but sometimes more difficult) if you focus on the useful stuff. It's like becoming a millionaire: you still have the same dreams but with more money, you don't turn into a robot if you win the lottery. Well, it's the same with being better.

Of course you can still have fun or waste your time, but you can do that too in a fun way. Play real RPGs instead of work, listen to new music instead of the same old bands, ... Enjoy life! And you can do a lot more than you think every day/week.

I don't personally care about my past (even if I still have a thousand things to improve). I only try not to waste my time with stupid stuff that I may regret later.

On Android, I use the /r/theXeffect method with the application 7 weeks and the Pomodoro method with the application Clockwork Tomato. It helps me a lot at work and in my activities.

And you're not arrogant.

The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh

It very well could wind up being the most important thing you ever read. Puts a lot of things into perspective and teaches you how to live life to the fullest.

I've stolen this list from Scott Adams (creator of Dilbert) from his book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big:

• Public Speaking
• Psychology
• Business Writing
• Accounting (basics)
• Design (the basics)
• Conversation
• Overcoming shyness
• Second language
• Golf
• Proper grammar
• Persuasion
• Technology (hobby level)
• Proper voice technique

The only one I don't agree with is golf but I'm sure that it helps for people trying to climb the corporate ladder.

I'd say pick any off the list that interests you and dive into it. Would help to know what your goals are, then we can suggest skills tailored for that.

Other ones I'd highly recommend are networking, building relationships, and depending on what you want to do eventually, how to interview properly. (Ramit Sethi has some decent material on this throughout his blog)

You have a long list of things there, and you're not going to fix them all at once.

Start with exercising. For sure. It's good for your body and it's good for your mind.

Follow up with reading books to put you in a better state of mind. I'm a big fan of Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl and A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B Irving. There are many others - find what you dig. Find people you want to emulate and see if they have written any books or were inspired by any books.

Finally, take up some sort of meditation practice. There are many resources out there, and you can always check in at r/meditation.

Our brains are wonderful feedback machines. If you get in the habit of putting better things into them, you'll get better output from them. The flip side of this is the situation you are in now, where the world seems scary because you have gotten in the habit of viewing it that way.

The hardest part is to start because of this fact. However, once you start it gets much easier. I absolutely, 100% promise.

You'll want to take the holistic approach.

• Take a few supplements to increase your energy - B-complex, NADH, Co-Q10.

• Have a regular sleep pattern, ideally 8-9 hours sleep.

• Exercise daily. Try this app: http://moveitmove.it

• Meditate in the morning. Makes your more mindful of your thoughts. Try this app: https://www.headspace.com

• Organise your life. Often having your environment and computer unorganised makes yourself feel unorganised. A tidy house is a tidy mind.

• Get a to-do app and write down the things you want to happen. Wunderlist is a great free one.

EDIT: The big one would be to take LSD, but is a bit too 'out there' for many.

Hey! I'm in the same boat, but recently I've started geocaching. It might seem somewhat silly and childish at first, but I really recommend it! I've been out more in the last week since I started than in the last two months combined!

geocaching.com and /r/geocaching for more info!

A therapist recommended I read Waking Up by Sam Harris. It talks about mindfulness, which can help you with a lot of things. Essentially it helps you live in the moment for greater and greater amounts of time. During those moments of awareness you can reflect on yourself to gain new insight.

Personally, these things have helped my own struggles with depression, anxiety, and social skills: Loving yourself and not judging yourself harshly, the idea that we chase things that make us temporarily happy and that you can choose to be happy in each moment no matter what, and getting excited about improving myself.

Good luck on your journey, I'm here to support you as well as many others

First, think more about BEING someone people enjoy being around instead of MAKING people like you.

Second, remember that you don't need to have hoards of friends and lovers. A few good friends and one lover should be good. Find you tribe.

Third, at least read How To Win Friends and Influence People. Better yet, take a Dale Carnegie course.

Good luck to you

I read Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" shortly before an unplanned (until the afternoon of) mushroom trip in the forests of Thailand.

I was hanging out with two british doctors on vacation at the time- both recently graduated from med school. One tripped with me and the other babysat. The sitter decided the two of them should leave for whatever reason, and I was left wandering this island in Thailand with no idea as to where I was or was going. I had no clue as to how to return to my guesthouse, and found myself on this empty road somewhere in the jungle. Then, my bag broke. The zipper on my shorts broke, in the process of contorting myself to fix the bag.

It was at that point that a favorite song of mine came on my iPod, a kind of inspiring pop ballad. And Viktor Frankl came with it.

I saw visuals of concentration camps. And the core message from Frankl's Auschwitz experience returned to me, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

At that point, I chose my attitude to be a positive one. The music sounded amazing. I found a material of some kind to loosely repair my shorts, and started carrying my bag in a way that the zipper didn't matter with a huge smile on my face. I decided, I would just enjoy this walk wherever it took me.

Sure enough, ended up finding this 24/7 Indian Chai cafe at the end of the road, ordered some chai and did some writing. Ended up having some very nice conversations with the other patrons, and after the trip calmed down, found my way to the beach where I walked along in the moonlight.

I always kept Viktor Frankl in the back of my mind after that.

I've read the book, "So Good They Can't Ignore You", and I think it has one of the best pieces of advice on career.

Don't follow your passion.

I know it is demotivating, but here is what it means. Don't wait for the passion or dream to show up, rather start doing something. All you need is a little bit of interest and a lot of focused work.

When we see other people. living their dream, and we say to ourselves, I wish I knew what my passion is.

The thing is, no one knows, people just do things, and eventually they find something that really sticks.

Then they do that thing over and over again until it turns into the only thing that they love doing and will do it for a long term.

Think. Think. Think. Think.

Think of all the things that interest you. ( Note: Please read the book. Even Derek Sivers recommends it. )

If you can't think of something that interests you, then just jump into various stuff. Try different courses, go to a library and read books on various careers.

The only way that you are going to find out what you want to do is, to do something.

Don't think of these questions. "What is my passion?" "What is the meaning of life?". I hate those questions.

I hope you got what you need. Also, read every article on Derek Sivers blog, particularly, Happy, Smart, and Useful.

All the best.

More relevant to art and creative hobbies, but I think the concepts apply well to anything in life. Worth a listen.

The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle

The 7 habits of highly effective people is the one self-help book that has impacted my life the most.

Other recommended reads:

• The Charisma Myth - charisma is a trainable skill
• Search Inside Yourself - developing your emotional intelligence will help your life

Honestly, you're going to hear this a lot but just get out there and do stuff. Social anxiety sucks, it's tough to break. The only way to break it is to put yourself out there.

Check out the app Meet Up and find some groups/activities youre into and go out to do them.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.meetup

In my area there's a free game night at a local library. Sometimes they have board games other nights it's old school Nintendo and Sega. Then on the other end of the spectrum there's a group that plans all these out door gatherings. Stuff like football games, kayaking, ect. Some are free some are $20-30. Either way there's a ton of stuff you can do for free/cheap and you'll meet new people that are into the same stuff.

If you're worried about transportation, you'll really just need to figure that out for the first few times you go. Bus, train, ride from your folks whatever works. I bet after a few times going you'll make friends who will be willing to drive you in the future.

Best of luck!

Not exactly self-love, but I think you would enjoy "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman:

> Known as the father of the new science of positive psychology, Martin E.P. Seligman draws on more than twenty years of clinical research to demonstrate how optimism enchances the quality of life, and how anyone can learn to practice it. Offering many simple techniques, Dr. Seligman explains how to break an “I—give-up” habit, develop a more constructive explanatory style for interpreting your behavior, and experience the benefits of a more positive interior dialogue. These skills can help break up depression, boost your immune system, better develop your potential, and make you happier.. With generous additional advice on how to encourage optimistic behavior at school, at work and in children, Learned Optimism is both profound and practical–and valuable for every phase of life.

"On Having No Head: Zen and the Rediscovery of the Obvious" by Douglas Harding. The premise of this little book is set of simple techniques that anyone can use to achieve instant enlightenment about who you really are. I got more results in 10 minutes from using Harding's methods that I have from countless hours of meditation. Some of the book is repetitious, because once you try the technique and "get it", that is really all you need to know.

"Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha: An Unusually Hardcore Dharma Book" by Danial Ingram. Probably the clearest, most detailed account of the methods to achieve enlightenment through meditation that I have read.

"Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit" by Daniel Quinn. Definitely one of the most thought-provoking books that I have read in a long time.

"The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are" by Alan Watts. This book is about "the universe and man's place in it, the mysterious center of experience which we call 'I myself' the problems of life and love, pain and death, and the whole question of whether existence has meaning has meaning in any sense of the word."

Mindfulness in Plain English has changed my life by finally giving me enough knowledge and motivation to begin meditating. There are so many positive effects from meditation, I don't even know where I'd be today without it. Granted, I also used the Headspace app to start with guided meditation sessions (which are awesome by the way) but without the book I wouldn't be aware of how awesome meditation is.

You absolutely can; it’s difficult but you can do it. A lot of people seem to think you can learn but you can’t get ‘smarter’ but just as you can train to memorize information you can train your brain to ‘think smarter’. I would suggest reading the book Mindset by Carol Dweck, and google anything that you feel you can’t do as well as your coworkers. For example, ‘how to increase your memory’, ‘memory techniques’, etc. Also, practicing storytelling might help! Check out the School of Life’s videos on YouTube; they might feature something that helps you.

It sounds like you're looking for validation or affirmation of your worth outside of yourself. Connecting with your value has to happen internally. You mentioned meditation. That's the known way to get there; maybe you didn't give it a chance. I've just started rereading Mindfulness in Plain English'. In the beginning the author explains why one would want to practice mindfulness. I think you might find some answers there.

Stoicism + mindfulness meditation is a great start. I recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, a quintessential read in stoicism.

The gist of the philosophy is that you can only control the world around you so much, and in mostly insignificant ways, but you can control your behaviors and reactions towards the world.

I got over a lot of my anxieties in life thanks to reading into stoicism and putting it into practice.

Read The Intelligent Investor by Ben Graham, there's an updated version that 'translates' a lot of the concepts to a more modern understanding. Then start saving money in a regular savings account and spend 3-6 months on Investopedia's stock simulator just trying things out.

• How to Win Friends, Dale Carnegie

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey

• Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers

These are the three texts you'll see cropping up often on this sub, and with good reason! Almost seminal books in the field of productivity and self-improvement. Another few that I've personally enjoyed are:

• Meditations, Marcus Aurelius

• As a man thinketh, James Allen

• Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl

• Your Money or Your Life, Rich Dad Poor Dad, Think and Grow Rich (financial self-improvement)

• Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albon, and the Last Lecture by Randy Pausch (not so much about self improvement, but inspiring lessons on valuing and prioritising the right things)

Hey man, just wanted to say that while I don't have the answers, I recognise a lot of the problems which you describe.

I highly recommend reading Models by Mark Manson, it covers a lot if the things you're dealing with in some way or another. You should try to focus on improving yourself and your life, put your own priorities first. Paradoxically, this will make you more attractive to women.

I'm just trying to figure this out myself as well. Stay strong.

CBT is THE recommended treatment for depression, anxiety and OCD, and numerous studies have proven it is EQUALLY as effective for treating depression as SSRIs/anti-depressant or anxiolytic drugs.

(However, for severe depression, SSRIs PLUS CBT therapy is the best treatment).

If you can't afford CBT, start by buying the books Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. They are the CBT Bibles.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

(Only $6.00!)

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

And make sure you actually do the little work assignments in the book. Just passively reading will not help you.

The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson is one of my favorite self improvement books. Of course you can never go wrong with these: -How To Win Friends and Influence People - Think and Grow Rich - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

• The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh to remind me to breathe, to be here now.
  
• Cosmos by Carl Sagan to remind me where I am in the universe and how it all works.
  
• Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson to make me laugh my ass off.

Total Recall by Arnold Schwarzenegger showed me a way to go through life I didn't know before. This man challenges everything and shows you how to get things done.

I've read The Power of Habit! Really good, also his new book is very useful.

This is a great question and you're in luck! Lately, I'm actually really into this question myself. I think many people are pessimistic and worse yet, they believe their pessimism and cynicism is an indicator of their intelligence, which is absolute nonsense. And people who claim to be realists often are just sad sack pessimists claiming their attitude is based on real events/facts. We all know the whole, "You're such a pessimist!" -- "No, I'm a realist" dialogue. At best, those people are pretentious and at worst pathetic.

Optimism (or perhaps careful optimism) is probably the way to go. Optimists are generally happier, they are more likely to cultivate and maintain social connections, they are less likely to let opportunities to slip by, they are often more resilient when things don't go well, they are less likely to let a failure in one aspect of their lives affect their entire being, and many more wonderful features! Check out Dr. Seligman, who created/popularized the incredibly interesting theory of learned helplessness (Bonus: check out the You Are Not So Smart podcast episode on learned helplessness). He has a pretty interesting book called "Learned Optimism" (there are also Wikipedia articles on both learned helplessness and learned optimism). He outlines why one should work on being an optimist. The book is based on and references many papers in the field of positive psychology, including an American Psychological Association published study by Seligman and Gregory Buchanan.

EDIT: resubmitted without links

"Follow your passion" is the most misleading bullshit that exists in self-development.

Passion doesn't just "happen." It evolves naturally. When we do something willingly (without being forced) and we are rewarded for doing it, our brain reacts by increasing our enjoyment of that thing. It's a basic evolutionary process.

"Doing this thing gets us more resources? Engage motivation circuit. Make my human do it more. Survival. Replication."

That's it. That's the secret to passion.

Is there something you vaguely enjoy, which is profitable? Well, work on it. It will organically evolve into a passion.

You have to work the right way, but 90% of "passionate" people got there by working, hard, on something that is mildly enjoyable and pays well. The more control you have over your work, the more your passion will grow. The more success you have, the more your passion will grow.

Don't fall for the bullshit. Passion is motivation plus fulfilment. Van Gough cut off his own ear. Starving artists are motivated - they are not happy.

This is how it worked for Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Elon Musk and just about anyone else you can think of who says "follow your dreams." Most of them got to where they are by accident. You think Steve Jobs planned to start a laptop company? They didn't follow their passions. They just did the things that allowed passion to take hold.

Cal Newport has a great lecture on this. It should be required viewing for anyone who ever mentions the word "passion." I can't post links because of the subreddit, but it is titled 'Cal Newport: "Follow Your Passion" Is Bad Advice' He has a book on the same subject titled 'So Good They Can't Ignore You'.

Wow, great to meet you! It's crazy that I've been having exactly same thoughts for a while now! While reading this I had this weird feeling of reading someone elses words that could easily be mine :). I have to run really soon, so I will just drop in couple things I've been enjoying and will expand on that later. From the podcasts I've been listening to quite a few, my favourites are Tim Ferris (recently I'm relistening to the ones with Derek Sivers - I love it!), a bit of Rich Roll, Surprisingly Awesome, Startup, used to listen to all of the MWFMotivation and the School of Greatness one, but not so much recently. And I love your book selection, I've read Think and Grow Rich long time ago and have Deep Work and The Power of Habit on my list, currently I'm reading Shoe Dog, as a break and I've been really enjoying it. Oh and one more thing that I really liked - course on coursera "A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment", I was very, very pleasantly surprised with it. Anyway, have to go now, one more time - it's great to meet you and thanks for writing about your experience and making me smile :)

Read Models by Mark Manson.

It's about being more successful with women by being more open/forward and accepting that rejection happens for a reason. Better to polarise women into those that don't like you, and those that do rather than have everyone neutral.

Personally, I think that the best way to improve your writing is to read more. Stephen King also suggests this in his memoir/how-to-write book, On Writing. Though his book is geared more toward fiction writers, the advice holds true for all writers.

Also, I wouldn't limit yourself to just non-fiction, technical reading (ie--stuff similar to the type of writing that you'll need to be able to do professionally). Let yourself go a little crazy and try stuff from fiction, non-fiction, articles, magazines, etc.. Personally, I have a goal to read at least 50 books (of all types) a year. Maybe shoot for one a week/month/etc. You might also try taking a writing class from your local community college or continuing studies program. (Many employers cover this kind of thing, especially if it's for professional development.)

Above all, I wouldn't stress too much or beat yourself up--I write for a living, and I still think it's pretty hard, but the only way to get better is to keep at it, read a lot (and think about what you like about what you're reading, and why), and improve over time.

Find out thing that you know you need to be doing everyday to better yourself. No matter how small or insignificant you think it is. Start slowly building it into a habit. It's all about the baby steps. You didn't suddenly become depressed and you won't suddenly get out of it either. But start making those small changes and they will help you build momentum and start doing even more healthy things.

You can read The Power of Habit if you want to go more in depth with what I'm talking about.

You can definitely get better! As long as you never give up. Just the fact that you're on here asking for help is a a huge step in the right direction.

Hi, in your situation I'd recommend "Rich Dad Poor Dad" first. It's a great introductory book to self-improvement and specifically changing your mindset about wealth. Because it's based around the story of Robert Kiyosaki's adolescence and the lessons he learned during that time it should be relatable to you at your age and it won't bombard you with too much jargon. It's an easy book to read that will make you hungry for more knowledge.

Of the books on your list I have also read "Think and Grow Rich" and "The Power of Habit". The thing you have to keep in mind about TaGR is that if you have the original version it was published something like 90 years ago so some of the ideas seem a little antiquated. However it is still packed with a bunch of great advice and it is a must read to be sure.

TPoH is a great book for learning a bit about how the mind works (combine that with "Thinking Fast and Slow" and you'll see just how silly our minds actually are). For me, just knowing more about habits has definitely helped me recognize my behavior and make some positive improvements. Though I honestly don't think you need to read this book right away because other books on your list will talk about how to create specific habits to achieve specific goals.

I've read a bunch of books like these so if you want any recommendations I'm happy to help.

I think that the root of your problem is low self esteem. You mention a few times that you don't think you are capable. And you mention that you are sometimes lazy. Often people with low self-esteem don't want to do anything because deep down they are afraid of failing. Low self-esteem ties into your tendency towards depression. And it is very common for children from a broken home to have issues with low self-esteem. So I think that is what you should focus on. Look for some good books on this issue and/or talk to a therapist. You need to learn how to change your habitual thought patterns.

I really like the book "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. It is interesting and has lots of practical advice.

Congrats on taking the first step! I'm glad to see you want to actively express yourself creatively instead of passively consuming the media all around you. I come from a film background as well, graduated a year and a half ago and I'm working a full time job in the field and a part time job at nights. Gotta pay those student loans, haha.

Getting into that mindset of just doing it can be hard, but once you do find it, you start learning all over again, you start discovering things about your creative voice, and it fuels that fire burning in your soul. As for failure, embrace it. It's inevitable, you will be knocked on your ass, and that's not a bad thing. You'll learn from your mistakes and become a stronger, smarter, better person because of it. Failure's part of the process.

As for the ADD, I don't have any solid advice except for write out your goals and progress. Get some index cards, write your stuff out, and tape it to your wall or pin it to your corkboard. Have it somewhere you can see it.

Also, keep in mind that in order to create, you still have to consume to an extent. You need some kind of inspiration, and that's perfectly okay. I'm getting into screenwriting, and sometimes while I write I'll put a movie on, whether it's on a disc or on Netflix. But don't let it get out of hand. I can't do binge watching of TV series, that's like a major black hole of my free time. I have two roommates who play video games all weekend. I'll sit down with them for a little bit, but I know in the back of my head I have things to do.

I'm gonna recommend a book to you, it's helped me so much with being able to harness my creative potential. It's called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. It's a game changer for creative people.

You can do it, man! You're on your way. Good luck to you, and if you have any questions feel free to PM me.

I'm a huge fan of Headspace for meditation (https://www.headspace.com/) It's like training wheels for getting started. Been using it for about 2 years now and find it incredibly helpful for focus, patience, empathy, and contemplation. G'luck!

Why not use an online journal like Penzu? You can put anything you like there, and nobody else can view what you write. You can also try Google Spreadsheets and make a table you can mark off. If you want to reward/penalize yourself for multiple daily (or other) activities without having an actual log, you might like Habitica, which lets you reward yourself for your accomplishments and/or penalize yourself for bad habits. Or, if you'd like to track one specific habit, check out /r/theXeffect.

There's a fantastic article by Mr. Money Mustache called "The Shockingly Simple Math Behind Early Retirement" (Can't link to it per subreddit rules - it's the 1st result if you google it) that clicked the light on for me. I was just coasting along as an Ultraconsumer before and that article, along with the rest of his blog and other authors', really gave me such a strong sense of purpose and vision about how I truly want to live my life. Good luck to you staying true to your goal!

One more little thing, I recently read Vicki Robin's book "Your Money or Your Life" which was amazing, and I'm going to start building a chart of my expenses/income and hang it on the wall so I get daily motivation to keep going. :)

I second The Power of Habit and also recommend A Guide to Rational Living. The table of contents alone speak volumes about the book... Get it? Ok, I'll take my downvotes now:

• How Far Can You Go With Self-therapy?

• You Largely Feel the Way You Think

• Feeling Well by Thinking Straight

• How You Create Your Feelings

• Thinking Yourself Out of Emotional Disturbances

• Recognizing and Reducing Neurotic Behavior

• Overcoming the Influences of the Past

• Is Reason Always Reasonable?

• Refusing to Feel Desperately Unhappy

• Tackling Your Dire Need for Approval

• Reducing Your Dire Fears of Failure

• How to Stop Blaming and Start Living

• How to Feel Frustrated but not Depressed or Enraged

• Controlling Your Own Emotional Destiny

• Conquering Anxiety and Panic

• Acquiring Self-discipline

• Rewriting Your Personal History

• Accepting and Coping With the Grim Facts of Life

• Overcoming Inertia and Getting Creatively Absorbed

• Additional Rational Approaches to a Good Life

• Additional Emotive and Behavioral Approaches to A Good Life

• Research Evidence Supporting the Principles and Practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

• Acquiring Profound Rational Philosophies to Make Yourself Remarkably Less Disturbed and Less Disturbable

From what I understand from these responses is that collecting isn't a bad thing and that when you reach the point of hoarding then you have a problem. My advice is to practice self discipline and hold off on your purchase until the next day. Personally I have the same problem right now and it's really draining my bank account. My steps to improve my addiction is to set restrictions for myself. For example I want to buy a new booster box on Amazon, I add the item to my cart and leave it for a day. Sometimes I forget about it other times I can't wait to get it. The point is that I am able to give myself time go asses the purchase rather than impulse buying. Granted this method has cost me a couple hundred dollars but that's because I didn't have much in my collection and I wanted to expand it.

The next advice I can give is to check if collecting is a habit. The book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg talks about the three steps to a habit. REMINDER, ROUTINE, REWARD. When collecting try to find the reminder that made you think about this purchase. Were you browsing Amazon and ended up looking for knives? Do you spend time on Reddit and happen to find a post on yugioh? Find those reminders and try to change your lifestyle to avoid them.

That's the best advice I can give.

In a way I am glad I have read two books from your list, namely, Viktor Frankl's, which has become my favourite and the lessons from which I practice daily in my life, and William Irvine's. Some books I would like to suggest are:

1. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.
2. Scrum: The Art of Doing Twice the Work in Half the Time by Jeff Sutherland.
3. The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale.

There's a great book that I've found very helpful with this exact issue. The authors talk about the two ways to carry out what they call positional bargaining: hard (no-nonsense bitch) and soft (doormat) then give an alternative called principled negotiation.

The book is called Getting to Yes, Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William Ury.

Instead of trying to paraphrase their strategy here I will just recommend picking yourself up a copy. It was an international bestseller so I would imagine it's available at your library.

How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie

Leadership and Self-Deception - the Arbinger Institute

The Talent Code - Daniel Coyle

Mindset - Carol Dweck

The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg

Any Stoic philosophy. Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Rufus. I know that's more than one book, but they all share (mostly) the same wisdom. If I had to pick one, it would probably be Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

Edit: Stoicism helps get my priorities straight, and helps me to realize what i need to change in order to be a happier, nicer person.

Shake things up: Turn your room around, re-arrange where your bed is. Maybe the novelty of a new room arrangement might snap you into wakefulness a bit more promptly.

Prepare the night before. I fucking hate waking up for work knowing I have ironing and shit to do. I do it the night before, only takes 8 minutes, I can brush my teeth at the same time.

Get rid of all but one or two alarms, this avoids the "I'll get up when the next one goes off" mentality that you might be inclined to develop.

I recommend reading "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg, it's a great book for learning how your mind controls your behavior through deep-seated patterns, your waking up late problem is related to that.

Wow, this sounds almost exactly like me right now.

I just got finished with The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. It's a good, quick read that might give you the kick in the pants you need to get started with something.

The most two most important things I've come to realize recently are:

1. You will never know if something is "right" or not unless you just do it. Even just trying it for a day or two is better than not trying it at all.

2. Creativity and inspiration are the product of action. It usually doesn't happen the other way around. I picture it as digging for treasure... you've got to pick up the shovel and put in the elbow grease before you can strike gold. Boring and tedious? Yes. But think about how many people never do it. You can be one of the people who did it. Use that thought as fuel.

Cognitive behavioral therapy and meditation. Both have been proven to be very practical, effective and relatively simple to implement. It's basically practicing healthy mental and behavioral habits, which in turn impact how you perceive and feel about the world and others.

You spent years practicing mental and behavioral habits that have locked you into the mindset you're currently in. You need to practice new habits to replace the ones you currently have. There are loads of practical guide books to CBT on amazon and at your local library. For meditation, you can find free versions of a book called "Mindfulness in Plain English."

Last bit of practical advice: you won't see people as basically good until you reflect those qualities yourself, because we see in others what we our selves have demonstrated to be human nature. You basically need to change yourself to be a good person before you can start to see that in others. Make it your goal to be kind to others, even if at this point you don't think people deserve it. That kindness will impact how you view them, and yourself.

Let me know if you want to hear more.

Yeah, I agree - I think one would be better off reading some primary sources of stoic philosophy, such as The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It will give you the same ideas, but cut out all the bullshit.

I did something similar a few years ago and, from my experience, less is more. If you pick a very good book from this list and actually put what it teaches into practice, you will end up with better results than from reading tons of books.

I would narrow this list down to no more than three books for topic.

I have read a few from your list ('Models', 'The Way of the Superior Man', 'No More Mr. Nice Guy', 'The Four Agreements', 'The Power of Habit') and can attest that they're great books, with lots of practical advice.

Hey! I recently went on a spree of signing up for different things like ball hockey and the gym (I'm overweight so exercise is what I need) and I have started to use reddit/internet a lot less. I also try to better myself when I'm on the internet by researching things rather than surfing through memes of seals and ducks.

For those times I have nothing to do for real, I also picked up reading books again (right now The Intelligent Investor).

I'd say that it's about a good bit of discipline and a whole lot of motivation. The thing with Arnold Schwarzenegger is that he sincerely wanted to succeed so much that doing it was easy for him.

If I told you to do four hours of some hobby that you hated, it would be hard and it would require will to do effectively. By the end of it, it might even tire you out completely. But if you did four hours of something you did like, even if it was really tiring, you'd be able to stick with it to the end.

Arnold Schwarzenegger got to the place he was in because he really wanted to get there. The guy went AWOL from compulsory military service to go attend a bodybuilding competition, he broke into the gym on weekends to work out, and if he knew that if he ever missed a workout he wouldn't even have been able to look at himself afterwards. He wrote his goals for the year on index cards and worked his ass off to get them. The guy's done everything he's done, not because of raw willpower, but because he sincerely wanted to and felt like he had to.

So if you want that energy for a specific thing you have to want that thing so much that the chances of you neglecting to do it are about the same as the chances of you neglecting to breathe. I believe that one of the very first self-help books, Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich was about that very subject (I haven't personally read it, but I've heard that it's very good). Build your desire to do things and keep motivating yourself until you want to achieve before you want anything else, and you will achieve.

By virtue of being human you can do the same things as Arnold Schwarzenegger. After all, the only thing that stops us when we try to work too hard is our feelings: not anything physical, what we feel. And we can always work through how we feel. Hope this helps!

Similar life situation three books that help me: *Codependent No More & Beyond Codependency *The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change *The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment -Still working through it all.

Personal Development for Smart People, The Power of Now, The Four Agreements, The Sedona Method, The Chimp Paradox, Think and Grow Rich, You can heal your life, A Life on Purpose, Unlimited Power, Awaken the Giant Within, The Compound Effect, Learned Optimism, Conversations with God 1, 2, and 3, The Big Leap, Eat that Frog

This should get you started!

Not sure if it would interest you or be helpful at all, but there's this app called habitica and it's basically a habit building/productivity app but it turns it into a game. Might not be of any use to you but I figured it was worth mentioning! Even if it's just to get you started, it's a pretty fun way of keeping motivated if you like gaming :)

Since you want to start a new chapter in life as a renewed person with a new perspective on life, I would highly suggest reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It's very short, super easy to understand but fuck man, did it change my outlook on life and myself. Such insightful and positive, yet simple wisdom on how to be the best person you can be and live a fulfilling life.

You can buy it for $3.00 on thrift books!

I would recommend two books that helped me:

The Power of Habit (deals with the habit loop) and Smarter Faster Better coincidentally they are both by the same author Charles Duhigg. He gives you tools to change your life, he doesn't tell you what to do, that is your choice but both books will help you make positive change in your life.

Cheers

I recommend "The Power of Habit" by Charles DuHigg, "The Power of Discipline: 7 Ways it Can Change Your Life" by Bryan Tracy (audiobook, I think) and "Getting Things Done" by David Allen.

"Getting Things Done" was by far the most practical of the three to me, and changed the way I run my business, and my life.

I second the advice by dolphinesque to seek out a different counselor. Counselors are not one-size-fits-all. Imagine going to one restaurant where you did not like the particular type of food and being completely turned off from the idea of ever eating out again because of that one experience. Seeking help is a big step on its own and its not any easier after having to face it again after a bad experience, but it is worth it and you can do it.

In a similar thread a while back, The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns was recommended by many users. I just ordered the book, so I cant give a personal endorsement, but I wanted to pass along what others suggested.

In the meantime, one thing my therapist has me do for similar issues: keep a notebook on you (or the notepad on your phone) and write down every time your SO does something that makes you feel loved and secure. Simple things like "called when he left work to see if I wanted to do dinner" or "kissed me before he left in the morning" or "unloaded the dishwasher because he knows I hate doing it". The list should be added to every time, no matter how small. When I feel the negative feelings creep in, I go to the list and read through it over and over to talk me down from the ledge. Its not a cure-all, but it does help.

Best of luck.

"The War of Art" - by Steven Pressfield

This is an awesome book that should light a fire under even laziest of asses.

http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/The-War-of-Art-Audiobook/B005CCLF32?action_code

I have a small obsession with books on self-help and the nature of the mind, spanning all the way from neurobiology texts to spiritual allegories. These are the books that have helped me most:

• Man's Search for Meaning- Viktor Frankl
• How to Win Friends and Influence People- Dale Carnegie
• Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway- Susan Jeffers
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (more business-oriented, but habit 5 has been life-changing)
• The Tao of Pooh- Benjamin Hoff
• Thinking Fast & Slow- Daniel Kahneman
• Godel, Escher, Bach- Douglas Hofstadter
• I Am A Strange Loop- also by Douglas Hofstadter
• The Selfish Gene- Richard Dawkins
• Walden- Henry David Thoreau
• Your Money or Your Life- Robin & Dominguez (for personal finance)
• Brave New World- Aldous Huxley

This is an eclectic mix, and I wouldn't describe all of these as self-help, so YMMV! But they've all helped me in one way or another- some through their advice, others by opening my mind, causing paradigm shifts, or inspiring me to re-assess what's valuable to me, and what I want out of life.

Read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.. this book shows some great real examples of how starting with a single change builds the self-discipline muscles and you find yourself making healthy changes elsewhere in your life. The opening example is a down and out woman who reforms her bodily health, gets out of debt, and travels the world by focusing on quitting cigarettes. It's a great book!

Podcasts, motivational seminars, and books on tape. Take the time to learn. I'll give you (and anyone else reading) some recommendations:

Podcasts:

• Dave Ramsey. He's a personal finance guru that has a radio show.
• 48 Days to the Work You Love. It's a career podcast with a lot on entrepreneurship.
  
• Eventual Millionaire. A woman who interviews successful people on various topics.
• This is Your Life. By Michael Hyatt, former CEO of Thomas Nelson publishing. It covers a wide range of topics from leadership to writing to general personal improvement.
• If you're religious I enjoy Joel Osteen and Andy Stanley.

Motivational Speakers (a bit costly because you'll be buyi(ng the seminars instead. Well worth the cost though)

• Zig Ziglar (head to his website, sign up for his newsletter, download the seminar that you get for signing up)
• Jim Rohn
• Tony Robbins
• Denis Waitley
• Eric Thomas (etthehiphoppreacher)
• Brian Tracy

Audio Books:

• How to Win Friends and Influence People
• Think and Grow Rich
• The Power of Positive Thinking

Of course there are many more. Those are just what I could think of off the top of my head.

To lose 200 lbs in a year, you need to be losing just under 4 lbs a week consistently.

First, you need to work out your TDEE. TDEE is the amount of calories that your body burns in 24 hours. You can get an estimate by using a TDEE calculator such as this: http://iifym.com/tdee-calculator/

To lose 1lb you need to burn 3,500 calories more than you take in, so to lose 1 lb a week you would need to eat 500 calories under your TDEE every day. To lose 4lbs a week (it's not recommended that you lose more than 2lbs a week, but maybe in an extreme case it could be okay - definitely check with a doctor first), you'd have to eat 2000 calories below your TDEE every day.

To calculate how many calories you are eating, sign up to http://www.myfitnesspal.com and log everything you eat in there - they have a huge food database which tells you how many calories are in everything you eat, so as long as you stick to your daily calorie target you should lose the required amount of weight per week.

Diet is the most important thing when trying to lose weight, but exercise can help too - exercise burns calories too, so exercising will help you lose the weight slightly quicker, or mean that you can eat a little bit more each day and still lose weight (among numerous other widely publicised benefits of exercise)

For help and inspiration, join the /r/loseit sub, where everyone is basically doing what I have mentioned above with great success. /r/progresspics is a good one too for inspiration to see that it can be done.

> Am I supposed to start drinking protein or something?

No. Just because you ate one big meal doesn't mean you are going to gain weight. Take the man's advice. Count your calories and make sure you getting 3500-4000 calories every single day. Keep your protein intake high, carbs should be around 2g/kg bodyweight and keep fat low.

Actually, screw your macros. Just make sure you eat a shit load of calories and you will gain weight.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com

Come back here after you've eaten 3500+ calories every single day for 90 days and if you still haven't gained weight then we will talk about your hyperthyroidism.

As someone who has just started to teach themselves I thoroughly second this. Also have a look at bento.io's full stack program which is a great resource to get you going

I would personally suggest Social Psychology, for it is the science of how people influence and relate to one another. Scott Plous will offer a wicked course on coursera this summer, I encourage you to check it out (https://www.coursera.org/course/socialpsychology). Otherwise, if you don't already know about it, Positive Psychology is at the crossroads of Social Psychology and Self-help. I'd recommend checking the work of Seligman or csikszentmihalyi. Hope this helps!

I have a goal to read 12 books before November.

I am pretty bad at making time to read books, so I tried Audible and The Power of Habit was the first book I read! Every time I walked somewhere or drove, I turned the book on and I got it done in 2 weeks! If you sign up now, the first two books are free and you can cancel before you get charged after 30 days.

Highly recommend you check Audible out : )

Psycho cybernetics is a fantastic book, can be hard going at times but it's really impactful. Also, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. Really good at helping you handle your emotions. Combine that with the Meditations and you're well on your way.

I've been mostly reading business books recently...

Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss is a good one, but you'd need to teach her how to read it. In little byte sized pieces.

Willpower Instinct is another good one that's an easy read, and has some good implications.

Also, maybe start her off with TED talks about self improvement. It's a nice couples exercise to watch them then discuss them. Most of them will have books, and be talking about what they've published on. So if something is intriguing, she can delve deeper.

Hey man, maybe seeking professional treatment is the best option. Specifically, look into CBT. It is extremely worth it, and with the right therapist you can completely control your life. Have more control over your thoughts, and in turn improve your perspective and outlook on life.

In the meantime though, the most important thing you can do is exercise. Exercise directly influences brain chemistry, raises endorphins, improves mood and increases emotional resilience. Either weight lifting or cardio will do the job, I recommend weight lifting. If you need a place to start check out Starting Strength, or any beginner weightlifting program.

Additionally, as for your perspective on women and vulnerability, check out a book called Models by Mark Manson. It seems like a pick up artist, sleazy kind of book but its actually incredibly deep and talks about the only way to attract others (men and women both) is to be secure with yourself, and that includes being vulnerable.

We're all human, and there's nothing wrong with feeling down at times. Here's to hoping you get what you want man.

I’m no expert, but reading continuously for self improvement (10-20 minutes daily) can definitely help you be more focused and in control. Books such as “The Power Of Now” had a big positive influence in my life.

Also, it may definitely be worth it to see a therapist. It’s definitely a solid option.

How much time you got? Don Miguel Ruiz - The four Agreements " " - The Voice of Knowledge Steven Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Robert Greene - The 48 Laws of Power Mark Manson - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck Search Results Arthur Schopenhauer - The Art of Controversy Robert Glover - No More Mr. Nice Guy (trust me on this one) Marcus Aurelius - Meditations (take your time and do this one in little chunks) Ryan Holiday - The Daily Stoic (This is a day at a time book) Brene Brown - The Power of Vilnerability Brene Brown - Daring Greatly Brene Brown - Rising Strong (see a pattern here?) I recommend reading the AA Big Book. (Really just the first 164 pages) Sure it helps people quit drugging and drinking; It works just as well as a basic framework for changing any undesirable behavior, spending, procrastination, recklessness, fear responses. Also with this one do not let the word god discourage you. God is mentioned a lot. God can be replaced with anything, family and friends, fellow travelers on your self improvement journey, ambition, the universe; so long as it is not you.

Sure but it may not be everyone's cup of tea. I prefer a more indirect approach for improving yourself/your social skills.

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The way of Zen by Alan Watts

A more practical book is Models by Mark Manson. It's focused on attracting women by having an attractive lifestyle. By the same author "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck:".

Also, the philosophies of taoism, budhism, zen and stoicism and relevant books are like a guideline for living a fulfilling life.

You may think that all these have nothing to do with social skills but trust me, it's all connected.

I second this. I skipped over the spirit part because I'm not religious, but later found out it's incredibly important in supporting the mind and body--particularly mindfulness meditation. I suggest Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn and 10% Happier by Dan Harris. The Headspace app has a good free introduction to this as well.

If anyone wants to read more in the style of this, read Models by Mark Manson. Don't listen to what people say, it is NOT a pick up book and he suggests attracting women(and people in general) through honesty.

I was happy to see that someone had already mentioned Stoicism. I second that vote. Pick up Irvine's Guide to the Good Life, Ryan Holiday wrote a good introduction with The Obstacle is the Way, then you can tackle the source material with Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

Also, start reading personal development books in your spare time (instead of watching TV, browsing Facebook, etc.) Just make it a habit to read 10 pages every day. One book I highly recommend is The Slight Edge by Jeff Olsen.

Through all of this, keep an eye out for anything that interests you, or anything that's causing you trouble. When you find an interest or a problem, dig into it until you do something great. If it's interesting to you then it won't feel like work all of the time, and if it's a problem you're experiencing, odds are that someone else is in the same boat, so there's an opportunity there.

George Bernard Shaw had an amazing quote attributed to him. "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." Get to it.

Yeah I'm sorry I was on my phone. Read "the glass castle" by Jeannette walls. After finishing the book you should realize that you can do anything you set your mind to. Anything.

Next is "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen covey. The title explains itself.

The glass castle is a very powerful book. I hope you get much out of the story Jeannette tells you.

Runner up, Tao Te Ching. Get a good version of it. Look up online on how to actually read the book. There's many ways to do so!

You will be a different person mentally after reading all three books.

"The War of Art" is pretty damn good too.

If you can get ahold of Earl Nightingale's "The Strangest Secret" audio, that's just lovely to listen to. The man's voice is like dark chocolate.

Also, "As A Man Thinketh" is great, both in audio and text.

I quite enjoy "YouAre A Badass" and "The Richest Man In Babylon" audiobooks as well. (I spend a lot of time in the truck and modern radio gives me cancer.)

I haven't found a lot of well motivated healthy people to hang out with yet. But I've divorced myself from poisonous influences and that's made an amazing difference.

Check out a book called "Learned Optimism". I'm currently reading it. The author discusses there are strong links between how you perceive the world (i.e. optimism and pessimism) and depression. By shifting your perspective style (using techniques they teach you) you can learn to make your depressions shorter, less sever, and less frequent. I highly recommend it.

Authentic Happiness by Mark Segielman (sorry if misspelled). It's accessible to the average person - but it's not pop-psych BS, the author is extremely qualified, a PhD and leader in the field of positive psychology. If you like this one, his earlier book "Learned Optimism" is also really good (I'm halfway through it now)

Grounding yourself in the present moment. Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius or the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Understanding that when external events occur we get to choose how we react and value them. Your emotions, while not easy, are within your control.

Don't worry so much. I envy your position.

Learn as much as you can, and never stop. You have 5 more years of having no responsibilities BUT learning. Make the most of it. (I cringe now when I think about how much opportunity/potential I wasted in school.) You'll eventually gravitate toward one field or another as you learn more.

Be skeptical of the "follow your passion" advice. It's dangerous. Read So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport to know why. Case in point, my GF didn't know what she wanted to do so became an accountant, and now kicks ass at it and makes enough to spend on her hobbies and lifestyle and is the happiest most carefree person I know.

Basically, no matter what you choose, you can work toward mastering the craft, and will end up happier than hopping industries trying to "find your passion."

Oh, and drop any pointless hobbies like TV and video games now. Time is your most precious resource -- don't waste it mindlessly.

Vulnerability doesn't necessarily mean you have to end up talking about your insecurities and negative thoughts. Instead, vulnerability could take the form of you standing up for your opinions & values (practicing self-assertiveness), you following through with what you said you would do, or you being more honest with yourself.

One way you can be more honest with yourself is to express the emotions you are feeling right now without judgement. The first step is to be honest that you are feeling the way you are - any feeling is normal. The next step is to honestly expressing it, unapologetically.

There's a lot more I could write on this but three books you should check out are:

1. Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
2. Models by Mark Manson
3. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Here's a good place to get started: http://markmanson.net/vulnerability

Cheers, Booya

Since you signed up for a gym membership, another thing to do is start reading non-fiction books. At this point try these three:

1.Meditations by Marcus Aurelius 2. Gorilla Mindset by Mike Cernovich 3.How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

the list could go on, but I think those are good for what you need at the moment.

It real depends on the path you are on. Emotional, spiritual, business, etc. So I'll name a few personal ones of mine in each field.

Spiritual: The Power of Now By Eckhart Tolle and The Four Agreements by Don Miguel.... just WOW

Mental: "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg... We are creatures of habits and habits form unconsciously. At the end of the day we don't even realize our own habits. This is a great book to understand how habits work and can be changed.

Business: "Good to Great" by Jim Collins ... This is an ABSOLUTELY MUST!!! Has changed the way I look and each every professional I met has read this book. --Also another great book I just read, "Disrupt You!" by Jay Samit. Definitely another must in this technological world and also learning how to disrupt yourself.

Start-Up: The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau. It's a great book paired up with "The 4 Hour-Work Week" by Tim Ferris. --> These books are awesome. You'll start thinking outside the box and have faith that you can do it too.

I hope these recommendations helped. I have A LOT more, but I think these should suffice for now.

Oh and you can't forget..... "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo . All time favorite.

The best way to improve your self confidence is success. Yes there are plenty of people who are very cocky but haven't achieved anything. Additionally, there are plenty of people who are very successful that are full of self doubt. But on a whole achievement and the respect of your peers will go further then anything specifically on confidence.

I highly recommend 'The Power of Habit'. It helped me start a program that showed me how to really achieve anything I wanted. That success inevitably lead to me feeling more self confident without even thinking about it.

Define yourself not by this but rather define yourself by what you want to become.

I'd highly recommend reading/listening to James Altucher (particularly his book Choose Yourself). If you can start from the beginning of his podcasts I'd do that.

The guy helped me get through my toughest times. I had a girlfriend who turned out to have a mental disorder get pregnant on purpose, constantly flip out at me (including hitting me in my sleep on several occasions) for things that she only imagined happened but were entirely fiction, and is now keeping me from seeing my son (oh, and did I mention she lives in Europe and I live in North America?). Oh, and I got laid off my job when I went to return to work 3 months after my son's birth.

Shit happens to all of us.

Recognize the solution won't come all at once. Everyday you need to find small wins. Big wins are just an accumulation of a number of small wins.

That was a bunch of rambling in different directions, but basically you need to re-wire your brain around positivity and taking small actions every day.

Here are a bunch of other things beyond James that have helped me the past 18 months:

• Calm.com and Headspace (both apps) and 8 Minute Meditation (book); 10 minutes of breathing and meditation each day have changed everything
• The Power of Habit (book); has helped me become far more self-aware of my mental game and how I can optimize it
• This video

Martin Seligman's "Learned Optimism" (http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393) is one of the very few books that actually improved my life. This book gave me insight into how my mind works and showed me the tools and patterns I needed to improve my quality of mind and self-esteem.

Nice strategy. I'm doing something similar, except my direction is hazier right now in terms of goals. About 'little victories', The Power of Habit calls them as 'small wins'. I tried explaining it but decided to just quote the book instead

> Small wins are exactly what they sound like. A huge body of research has shown that small wins have enormous power, an influence disproportionate to the accomplishments of the victories themselves. "Small wins are a steady application of a small advantage," one Cornell professor wrote in 1984. "Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win." Small wins fuel transformative changes by leveraging tiny advantages into patterns that convince people that bigger achievements are within reach.

I've also found just keeping track of every task I've finished at work has helped me with maintaining focus and direction on a work day - something that can be quite dwindling if I don't pay attention. Consequently also helps me to look back at my day and week and see everything I've finished/accomplished.

TL;DR : Good strategy

Read the book, "The Power of Habit", it goes in depth with studies and stories of people who underwent major habit changes. To answer your question, good habits and routines will spill over and every aspect of your life, studies have shown, start small, a big problem is people trying to start too much at once and giving up.

Not a recovering addict but walking the same path of fighting cynicism and (self-defeating) judgements. I don't particularly see judgements as a bad thing and I'm split on that one. I feel everyone judges (read, has opinions) and in fact the ones who embrace it are less annoying to me than the ones who judge you for being judgemental (someone has to see the irony in that). Its the people who embrace and then impose their judgements on you that I won't have for friends.

But I digress. I think a lot of 'recovery' is changing how you think. Or rather identifying where your thinking starts going off track. Currently reading 'The Power of Habit' and he talks about inflection points. Points where little decisions are made in your life and how you can make it a habit to think differently. So when my mind starts going the cynical route, I try and think of all my dreams and ambitions. It's still new so its only dreaming and the lack of action is starting to annoy me. More than you asked for but I mainly wanted to stress inflections points. And would recommend the book too. He talks about AA in detail as well.

Were there old hobbies you had when you were younger? Maybe take up one? Exercise sounds awesome. As someone else, suggested therapy might help too. At the end of the day, consistency with anything that you're passionate about might help.

Maybe see if your CC has a counselor. What you need to keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you personally, you just learned how to deal with your thoughts unhealthily. Check out the book Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and dig deep. In the meanwhile, school needs to be the highest priority for you, even pass your shame and self-worth, you must do well in school. It's hard but please try and you can rise above your challenges.

Habits are cycles. Habits form because these behaviors benefit us some how, even if they are destructive...like alcoholism or other addiction. The first step is to become conscious of what and why this is happening before even trying to changing your behavior.

There's usually some trigger (e.g. feeling anxious) that leads into some behavior that is somehow a reward that feeds back into the cycle. What patterns have you noticed when you start picking at your nails? What does nail picking do for you?

To change the habit, you can recognize the triggers, create another way to cope with the trigger that is less destructive, and then reward yourself for doing just that (give yourself a small treat or work with a close friend to tell you "good job" when you text him/her that you didn't pick your nails).

This is all detailed in the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg--which I highly recommend.

Good luck!

Been reading Napoleon Hill? I just finished Think and Grow Rich and took this idea. I already had a mind palace (that name makes me cringe, but it's insanely useful), so it's easy for me to just add in a new room to visualize. I currently have 8 people I respect sitting around a conference table. Literally 30 minutes ago I got to use it for the first time properly, and the effects were profound.

I was feeling like total shit, invisible, worthless, etc., walking around my college alone for a photography assignment. Then I just went into my conference room and one of the characters, a particular hardass, pretty much just told me to toughen the fuck up. Hollow words when I type them on a screen, but it improved my mood instantly.

The room itself is constructed from scratch. It's pretty much just a large, open room, perpetually at sunset with the warmest light pouring in through the huge windows. A square conference table sits in the middle. I find that having an aesthetically-pleasing visualization helps massively.

On a related note, some people who've come into contact with NLP stuff (which IMO takes intuitively-true concepts and drags them into the realm of bullshit) might be familiar with anchoring: thinking of an image along with a particular kinesthetic action (tapping a part of your hand, for instance) and associating both of these with a particular emotion or state of mind so that you can bring up that state of mind whenever you want. For most people, that doesn't work. However, with this technique of visualizing certain personalities, it seems like you can change your state of mind whenever you want. It all just relies on being able to enjoy going into the "conference", and visualizing these personalities clearly.

Just Start. Then do it again tomorrow. Then again. Soon you'll have a string of days you've created something. As the pile grows it becomes easier, and all of the sudden you'll find yourself not wanting to miss a a day, because now creating content - or whatever you want to do - is part of what you do everyday. No more (unplanned) zero days.

I was in a very similar situation not too long ago - here are the things that helped me get started and keep going.

Check out The War of Art and Turning Pro, both by Steven Pressfield.

Poke the Box - by Seth Godin

The #askgaryveeshow - he's great at content creation, and has a guy on his team that got there by creating a video for him, which turned into a job.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fsYWXrGGcE - One is Greater than Zero

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g - an invocation for those who haven't begun (stuck in a terrible place, between zero and one)

Try to see other non mainstream books and other opinions about philosophy and psychology, some old ideas need to be checked in those books you've read.

Other than that I recommend these:

The Compound effect

The Paradox of Choice

The Wisdom of Crowd

The Myths of Innovation

The Most Valuable Skills in Chess (Bad ass strategic thinking, chess game)

The Black Swan

Tao of Jeet Kune Do

The Nothing That Is - A Natural History Of Zero

Consumerology - The Market Research Myth

Encyclopedia of Wars

Flow the Psychology of Optimal Experience

Fumbling The Future - How Xerox Invented, & Ignored the first PC

History of Things - Where Good Ideas Come From - The Natural History Of Innovation

The Myth of the Rational Market - A History of Risk, Reward, and Delusion

Psychology (4th Edition)

This is Service Design Thinking

The Lean Startup

Music - The Art Of Listening (7th Edition)

Lean Mindset

The Power of Now

The Power of Silence

The Art of Dreaming

Marketing Warfare

Smartest Guys in the Room

Uncovering The Logic of English

Ageless Memory - Memory Expert's Prescription for a Razor-Sharp Mind

Brainstorm - The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain

Unmasking the Social Engineer - The Human Element of Security

Neuromarketing - Understanding the Buy Buttons in Your Customer's Brain

The Innovator's Dilemma

The Money Bubble

The Reactionary Mind

The War of Art

Thinking, Fast and Slow

The Story Book - A Writers' Guide to Story Development

The Sketchnote Handbook - The Illustrated Guide to Visual Notetaking

Emotional Intelligence 2.0

I'd say your # 1 issue is your mindset. If you are telling yourself you aren't good at being strategic, you won't get anywhere. Thinking strategically is human. You posted to /r/selfimprovement about being strategic. That is, in fact, a very strategic move, because you are tapping into the good advice of 50,000 readers of this subreddit, and taking steps towards improving yourself. So, step one, clarify to yourself that you do have this capability.

After that, I don't have much useful advice. Try reading The Art of War by Sun Tzu and The Prince by Machievelli as a fun starting point.

A key to being strategic is having vision. You need to know what you want. Write down your medium and long term objectives. Then begin working your way backwards.