What are /r/BPD's favorite Products & Services?

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Dreadful book, steer clear. There are much better and positive books out there. Try The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide by Alexander Chapman or anything by Daniel Fox instead. These are much more helpful, imo anyway!

Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, it sounds like you're going through a lot of emotions related to her.

The go to treatment for people with bpd is dialectical behavioral therapy, or otherwise known as DBT. I very much recommend that you try to get your daughter into a DBT program. As for how to deal with her, I think the validation section of the dbt workbook would be incredibly helpful for you, and also interpersonal skills such as SET and DEAR MAN.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

" he has been reading it and says it explains so much. she told me last night, "I always thought you were just an asshole, but now I understand why you are like you are. "
Two can play that game. Get your Mom this book for Christmas.
"How Dysfunctional Families Spur Mental Disorders: A Balanced Approach to Resolve Problems and Reconcile Relationships (Childhood in America)"
https://www.amazon.com/Dysfunctional-Families-Spur-Mental-Disorders/dp/031339265X
Let me give you the cliff notes version so you can feel better:
BPD came from your mom.

I'm reading "Sometimes I Act Crazy" right now and thought this passage might give you some comfort:

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"Trapped in a maze of inconsistent images, the borderline is unable to form a constant, predictable sense of self and the world; unlike the healthy child, the borderline is unable to establish a healthy object constancy -- a reliable, comforting, internalized image of her world -- that she can use to soothe herself in time of stress. Instead, she needs the presence of others to reassure and comfort her."

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The passage also has an anecdote about a woman named Arleen (who has BPD) where she is quoted to say, "I feel I really couldn't be myself without another person to reflect on."

Yes. From what we know about BPD, it's partially onset by a genetic factor of higher emotions than most people. What completes the onset is being raised in an emotionally invalidating environment. Abuse or neglect of our (high) emotional needs can very well stunt your emotional growth into full on BPD.

You mention your parents a lot. This book is free to read on Amazon Prime and it's wonderfully insightful to what you may have experienced with the parental situation you're describing.

You are not abandoned. I suffer from the same thing, I'm just not bullied. Find some online friends, I do this!!! I play COD with a group of guys I've never even met. I would also try meetup.com and meet people that way too, works for me. I have BPD and PTSD. If I can do it, so can you. I have to push myself but it is worth it.

I haven't personally used one yet, but it's on my wish list as a future purchase. Amazon has this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078VJRWGN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_xuZxBb808E1B4 You can choose a size and each size has different weight options. The reviews are mostly positive. It also recommends a duvet cover for it since it can only be dry cleaned. The same brand sells many different types of covers as well. I hope this helps!

These aren't specifically BPD books but they're the ones that have helped me the most.

When Things Fall Apart helped me embrace and value pain and suffering instead of making everything worse by constantly resenting and avoiding them.

The Power of Now taught me that I am not my mind, my opinions or my experiences, I am my consciousness, and that peace and love are always readily available in every moment. All I have to do is be present in reality instead of helplessly lost in my mind. This book explains very clearly how to practice and develop this skill.

Hi,

I'm using https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=de.jonathansautter.stimmungstagebuch which wants 3 entries per day, but not only mood but fear and tension too. It also can track whether or not your on your period.

Kind regards

Sophie

In a book I read a few months ago, perhaps The Power of Habit, the author wrote of a traumatic situation he was in, after which he sat down to journal for many hours. At one point he realized what he just wrote, which was "those who hurt are hurting" and spent some time reflecting upon that. It's stuck with me since then.

Libgen and Calibre is the greatest combo for books in existence

Just search for the book name in libgen and its likely there, sometimes in multiple formats, and if its not in the format you want then calibre can make it so

I work as a data analyst using skills I thought myself. Go to leetcode.com and learn SQL and get a job as a data analyst at an insurance company or something. I don't earn a ton, but I earn enough to live in Seattle. I also work from home and can travel. The people I work with are on the East Coast, so my work day is over at 2 pm. It's really deal.

IDK. Here is the link to the book. I find it extremely upsetting. The author wants to rename BPD to faultfinder personality disorder. Just ugh.

https://www.amazon.com/Faultfinders-Impact-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0986150916/ref=nodl_

I think your counsellor might be referring to something called emotional intelligence or (maybe even emotional literacy). There are loads and loads of online resources about it and it seeks to help someone be able to explain and understand their feelings in an age appropriate way. As a bpder, our emotional literacy gets left by the wayside by neglectful parents, so we don’t learn much past childhood, but we can ‘catch up’ now.

There are actually many different kinds of intellect! It’s well worth looking into it to see your strengths and weaknesses!

https://lifehacker.com/the-nine-types-of-intelligence-every-person-has-1772693736

Self-help books to the rescue! I use this book for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dont-let-your-emotions-run-your-life-for-teens-sheri-van-dijk/1100401092?ean=9781572248830

That's cool if it works for you, but I always like to give people a little disclaimer when it comes to weed. There's a lot of misinformation out there, and it's good to know the facts. Also keep in mind that drug react differently to different people. Things to keep in mind. also please don't misinterpret this post. This isn't an anti weed post. This is just me pointing out facts. A lot of this might not apply to you. But everyone who uses should know this. Things are a bit safer for you because it's legal where you are so you know that it's not lased or anything, which is good. Where I live there was recently a big problem with that.

First of it it can actually CAUSE anxiety and depression as a side effect and make things like psychosis worse. Even if your getting it from a legal dispensary you don't know how much THC your getting. Also despite common belief, weed is addictive. Not nearly as addictive as other drugs, and not physically addictive though. Only like 10% become addicted to it, but still something to think about, because people with BPD are more likely to become addicted to stuff. Especially because it's easier to become addicted now, because the amount of THC in weed has gone up in recent years.

This is the webmd article I got all this from.

Tl;Dr Weed actually makes things worse for some people (keyword being some)

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) for sure! Diagnosed at 20, 24 now. I've taken so many different antidepressants and mood stabilizers and while some helped for a while I always ended up plateauing or completely backtracking on my progress. My mom mentioned that she read somewhere that fish oil can be really beneficial for borderlines, so I looked into it, decided I had nothing to lose and started taking it daily. Weened off of my most recent meds because of side effects (with my doctors permission) but kept taking the fish oil daily. That was almost 6 months ago and I've honestly never felt more stable. I'm not saying supplements are gonna be total miracles for everyone, but you might find them pretty beneficial in tandem with your current med routine. Can't hurt, right?

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20030117/fish-oil-soothes-personality-disorder

A white noise machine or something off this website https://mynoise.net/noiseMachines.php to start

Earplugs, or headphones would help also?

Sleepy time tea could help.

Melatonin once in a while but it stops working if taken frequently supposedly. I've been prescribed benadryl for sleep before by doctors. Consult a doctor first probably.

And if it's legal as a last resort cannabis?

Or you could try meditation, there are guided ones on YouTube.

The book When Things Fall Apart helped me massively when I hit rock bottom. I honestly can't recommend it enough.

I hope things get better for you.

Not sure where you can access it online for free, but I'm using this one, it's available on Amazon used for around $6 plus $4 shipping if you don't have Prime.

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_LDZAyb4TRH683)

amazon link to workbook I use

This is the book I use. I just skip some of the activities that feel like old news, but I’m onto the Love & Kindness section after the Radical Acceptance section, and I know it’s helped me. I almost don’t fit criteria anymore, and it’s good to have this structure. I’d see if your psychologist would work through it with you (mine isn’t technically trained in DBT but she has no problem giving me “homework” from this book, which we then talk about for part of the session). Wishing you well!

Check out this post, maybe? It's from January but was the most recent result when I asked Google, and it seems to indicate the button for posting is hidden because it's dark text on a dark background. Sorry, I've never used the official app so I don't have any hands-on experience, maybe someone else will have more advice.

Here's a link to Reddit Is Fun, I know it's generally pretty well regarded and better liked than the official app, maybe you'll have better luck with it.

edit - I've gotta go to bed, but I'll check back in the morning and help however I can if you still need it! �� Good luck.

Anger and frustration are the hardest to overcome when it comes to Bpd in my opinion. I highly recommend a daily meditation practice devoted to focusing on the breath. I was skeptical when I started but I’m 22 hours deep now and I can tell you for a fact it will change your perceptions. Also a friendly read as well:

The Mindfulness Solution for Intense... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626253005?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf

"He said I'm not perfect I'm going to forget"

• My partner did that shit for years. There was always some reason why my REASONABLE requests were just too much to expect of him.

And girl, your forehead is just fine. I promise. The way he's acting would make me worry if I've got weird forehead cells that are more visible than other people's forehead cells. It's possible that he's just weird, but I doubt it. If I was a betting person, I'd bet that he is playing on your insecurities to get a reaction out of you, and then tell you your reaction is just your BDD or BPD. That's an abusive way to interact with you, if that's what he's doing.

It can take a long time to see things for what they really are. Start paying attention as best you can. The first few chapters of the book "Full Catastrophe Living" helped inspire me to pay more attention to what takes place in everyday life. Then I've had to use self-compassion and DBT skills to help me cope with reality as I slowly came out of my dissociative haze and realized he was being abusive.

Reading up on the dynamics of emotional abuse and narcissism has helped me a lot. I asked myself a million+ times if it's just all my fault / all in my head, but deep down I know it's not.

I'm still with him because my situation is complicated. Even though he hasn't changed much, I've changed my reaction to his stuff. He does stuff that makes me feel insecure, and I remind myself that he doesn't define my self worth. I empower myself by going to the gym for ME.

Sweet, I'll PM you later, wish I had more time to chat right now. I'm finishing up emotion regulation as my first module, but find I need to be practicing mindfulness skills most often. I also read Thich Nhat Hanh's The Miracle of Mindfulness, a wonderful book that I probably need to read again like every year. I'd love to pick your brain on what else you've studied for mindfulness, what's been helpful.

Along with getting out, DBT could help.

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dbt_skills_list.html

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=se.annadroid.Dbt112

Really just doing what ever you are able to engage in, can really help.

Do you have any hobbies or maybe interests you haven't had time for in awhile ?

Usually if you just google these things the links are all pretty straight forward! https://www.healthcare.gov/screener/ Is where I just got to. I would fill out some of the questions on this website and go from there. Honestly the documentation isn't too scary as long as you answer the basic questions. As long as you aren't making a ton of money you can get free healthcare. (A "ton" being like 20k+) and even if you are making more than 20k there are still discounted rates per income bracket.

I know it sounds like something you need to be taught. But I never had parents to teach me these things either and I was able to figure it out. I bet if you just tried to figure it out you could absolutely do it! They will word the documentation with confusing wording sometimes but if you just answer the basic questions it's all relatively simple!

Take a look at Dependent Personality Disorder (a Cluster C), which is like Borderline, but without the anger.

https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/dependent-personality-disorder#1

" A diagnosis of DPD must be distinguished from borderline personality disorder as the two share common symptoms. In borderline personality disorder, the person responds to fears of abandonment with feelings of rage and emptiness. With DPD, the person responds to the fear with submissiveness and seeks another relationship to maintain his or her dependency. "

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That said - Depression and Self-Harm make me think it's actually Borderline.

Depression is anger aimed at your own ego (your self).

It's like anger-in-disguise.

I should just write up a response that I can copy paste into these threads. Either that or I could stop resonding I suppose haha.

Anyway my problem with weed is this; if its illegal where you are, you don't know how much THC your inaking. The higher the dose of the more likely it is to have side effects like unstable mood and anxiety. There is no evidence that it helps with these things though I admit, for most people, it doesnt seem to hurt either. There's also the problem if the possibility of it being laced with something. This is actually a very real danger. It just happened recently where I live and quite a few people died.

None of that really bothers me that much though. If it was legal where I live I still wouldn't do it anymore because I am an addict (not of weed, something else) and I don't believe in using anything (substance or otherwise) to escape feeling emotions. Its unhealthy and if you do this, you will get no where in life.

Source: Personal experience, and Webmd

Yes that is definitely a problem I noticed too. I do play quite a lot myself but there are more games than I care to admit I haven't touched in years because they make me anxious. What we are looking at, however, are games designed to help with mental disorders; they can challenge the issues the player is having(see the game anxiety attacks as an example), but they shouldn't be too hard on them to make the game unplayable.

ADHD in women is VERY different than with men. Not the popular symptoms at all. My wife is INSANELY functional. She got THAT good at masking the ED. I on the other hand have awful ED but the motional side I'm fucking master at it whilst she sucks :D

Meds should touch your ED directly. They go directly at your capability to 'deal with/act on'.

I know of two types of meds (talking active substances) (there might be more) Have you tried the different types? (Vyvanse works great for me) You adjusted your doses with your therapist yet? You can ultimately try and doubling the dose ONE SINGLE DAY to see if it's more impactful.

Try this: Drink an insane amount of coffe. Like 3/4 espressos (yes has to be espressos) If you can get more done then meds SHOULD work and may require trying different types / higher dosages.

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Outside of this, it's all about what else in your life may be sucking up your executive function. I got a wife and 2 kids (3 since two months ago) a year and a half ago.

That completely sucked up all my executive capacity. I couldn't work. Couldn't do house stuff. Kids and wife related tasks sucked up all of it. That's how I got diagnosed :D

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Experiment. Dare. Make your life about making it easier to do things at every little action. even getting an electric toothbrush so you don't have the hassle to use your arm to brush your teeth. The easier life is to do, the less resistance to do things, the easier to get things done.

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OH OH OH! USE POMODOROS

In order to be diagnosed you'll need to see a mental health professional, and in order to do that you'll need to get health insurance. Please go here to see what your options are. It sounds like you're really struggling and you need treatment, and it will be very difficult to find treatment if you're uninsured.

If for some reason this is not an option, there is a possibility that clinics in your area offer free care in certain cases. If you ask local mental health clinics about this possibility you'll be able to find out what's available. Even if that is possible, however, it's unlikely that the treatment you'd receive for free would be very comprehensive.

http://patientslikeme.com/ - Track your mood, conditions, symptoms, treatments, weight, hospitalizations, fitbit, and lab/test results; also research conditions/treatments in the community

https://cronometer.com/ - Measure nutrient intake

I've found that, at least for me personally, it's usually easy to give in to these urges in a healthy fashion. Whether it's by reading about a random place on WikiVoyage for awhile or just taking a bus route I haven't been on before and walking around. Experiencing somewhere new is all it really takes for me. I always feel fine in an hour or two.

"Vacation" is part of the DBT <em>I.M.P.R.O.V.E.</em> skill, by the way. It's one of my favorites.

Does "work related correspondence" mean private messages? If so you can just use the Facebook Messenger app from the App store / Google play, or if you are using a browser via https://www.messenger.com/

This way you can receive messages from your co-workers, but ignore all the other things.

25M, no family contact, I'm also unable to get closer to any of the acquaintances I know. Even when I'm with people, I feel like they think about and value different things, like we're just on different incompatible wavelengths. I haven't found a solution yet to my loneliness. I think meeting more people would help eventually, I'd probably find a friend I could connect with eventually, but it's all hypothetical because I've never done it. I feel like I've dug a really deep hole in my brain garden and it's just so hard to relate to people.

I tried meetup.com. Large group format sways conversations to more mundane common denominator things I kind of have to fake interest for. I don't know how to connect with people even on the one on one side conversations.

Most of the people I've met just put up a friendly face, seem like they had a decent childhood and aren't interested in more than surface conversations. It just feels like a hit and miss wondering where the people are like the people on this subreddit, and nobody wears a sign.

I use an app called Daylio to track my mood. It's useful to see if dose changes or meds are making a difference. Also when I'm feeling hopeless it's hard to remember that I ever felt differently; I can open the app and see that most of last week I was fine.

I remember reading that most people who recover from BPD aren't taking meds anymore. My understanding is that meds can help with coping but to actually get better you need DBT. Which is annoying because (for me at least) it's taking a fucking long time.

Before you pay $1000s buy this book and look through it. See if anything helps you. It’s what I used for therapy.

DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_5FR80DWC3T118G2D6VVM

I'm sorry things have turned out to be so painful.

>It’s incredible how one bad mistake you make can make you lose everything.

I know that all too well.

You should read this book. It helped me a lot when I was at my lowest.

I wish you the absolute best.

I use lithium ororate because the potential side effects are trivial and would require an absurdly high dose. It also crosses the blood-brain barrier far easier than lithium carbonate.

The way it seems to me, lithium carbonate was developed in order to give "drug" status to a basic element and make it more profitable - regardless of the list of negative side effects it causes - because profit is more important than basic human decency.

Taking two or three of these pills a day for the last few weeks has had a very noticeable affect on my moods and overall outlook. I would look into it.

While The Pocket is not specifically DBT related, reading it while reflecting on “walking the middle path” is helpful for me mentally.

DBT has four parts: mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotional regulation. In each of these parts there are skills to help you control your thoughts and emotions. It gives you the mental space to slow down and be more rational during your interactions with others and more accepting of yourself. It's not for just suicidal drug abusers.

I encourage you to buy the DBT workbook, page through, and see if you find anything of value in it. If you have borderline this is the only effective way of treating it.

I don't know if your wife has read it or not, but I found the book "But I Love You" by Bon Dobbs super helpful for communication especially, and it's not one of the major books that pops up when you search for them. I found it after a long hard day of trying to find non-stigmatized information for people who love someone with BPD. It has really great tips on how to speak to someone with BPD who's in crisis without hurting them more, and I thought your wife might like it too.

It's on Amazon for 99 cents because the author wants people to be able to read it, and it helped so immensely with communication and my understanding how my fiancee feels so I can treat her with compassion.

https://www.amazon.ca/But-Love-You-Bon-Dobbs-ebook/dp/B004XWPV82/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&amp;keywords=but+i+love+you+bon+dobbs&amp;qid=1621623713&amp;sr=8-1

There’s a book that I haven’t used or read but that I’ve heard is very helpful to people who are involved with those with BPD. I’ll link it but FAIR WARNING I have been told that those with BPD should not read it at risk of feeling just… absolutely awful. Just reading the back cover makes me go, yeah I’m a piece of shit. But YOU’RE NOT. Our behaviors, that we’re working on, may indeed be toxic and awful and it’s good to be aware of those and to go to therapy for DBT and REBT. But for someone on the outside who does need to know how to protect themselves from those behaviors, as we’re working through them, and to understand what’s going on with us, I think it’ll be helpful.

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

Hey, hate to drop a link on your face. So I’ll explain myself after. Here’s a book. The ebook is good - kindle or through the publisher (same price, less drm) but either way it comes with a pack of PDFs so you can still do the exercises on your phone or a tablet or whatever.

Now- same same on therapy. I’ve been tracked into substance abuse because I quit my addiction right as the pandemic was starting… inertia, fewer resources, and my preference for how I trust people make it hard to summon my ideal care.

In any case, I’ve been doing that workbook. It’s super calming. It can be done in chunks - I’m going through and highlighting the sections to see how it works, then doing the exercises as they come up. It’s self paced and I’m trying not to push the accelerator down all the way.

For passive learning, I’m using the back catalog of the Skillful Podcast - it’s devoted to DBT education.

Both of these include discussion of symptoms that aren’t mine (such as mutilation) but there’s enough signal outside of that where it doesn’t feel alienating. Both are written in that fashion too. Turns out the section on self-harm in the workbook applied pretty well to some of my habits, including addiction and isolation.

Anyway. Not trying to fix you. Just having to bootstrap some of this myself, and wanted to share some of the good stuff - it can be hard to separate the wheat from the chaff on mental health internet, ya know?

Yes! I would recommend a physical copy of this self-help DBT workbook:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684034582/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_imm_awdb_DX25KSFEK0AA533C0DZR?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

While the group can be helpful, the individual work and application of skills is what matters most. You can absolutely do it on your own until you find a therapist. I'm not sure about the online services nor apps, but please let me know if you try a service and find it helpful.

For help with showering, I would actually recommend CBT skills, working through thinking traps (i.e. what is the worst thing that could happen from taking a shower). It can also be an interoceptive exposure. This workbook below goes through all of that, and I recommend doing CBT and DBT together. Go back and forth, flip ahead to relevant chapters, and move ahead at your own pace...

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0190686014/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_imm_awdb_6YBQKK8NXCHJWQFX73DF?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

This is the best workbook for CBT, and it's the latest, most evidence based protocol for CBT.

I got this DBT workbook online and it helped me so much! It helped me become self aware of my negative/bad traits and to accept them too! I really like it because it’s kind of guides me to making the right choices rather than telling me what to do. It’s much different to other self help books I have used in the past. I haven’t finished the book but I’m half way through the second part of it but I’ve been going very slowly so it’s easier to adjust the practices into my life.

But the biggest thing for me is to step out of every situation and tell myself what I think I’d going on, then what actually is going on, then deciding what to do and then actually doing it.

Also finding some down time to think. Meditation silently isn’t for me I prefer to go on long walks and sit in peaceful places and reflect on life and even write a lot of my views and philosophies on life down.

Everyone has different priorities but having a philosophy (religion never had me 100%) made me come to terms with a lot of my past trauma really helped me.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=asc_df_1684034582/?tag=googshopuk-21&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=394287714694&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=6347244953827076853&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&am...

That really sucks. I've been hospitalized 3 times in the past year and I'm currently on my 4th IOP/PHP and recently diagnosed BPD too. My IOP and PHP was in the same place and I've been to that place all 4 times for IOP/PHP. I agree that the hospital sucks and it honestly serves no purpose other than to keep people safe in really bad times. My therapist and psychiatrist think that hospitals are the absolute last resort.

I also want to say that even though you may feel like you shouldn't need the help to get what you want, you may need the help and it's okay to need help. Now what I'm not saying is that the PHP program is fine, it could be shitty, but trying to find one that will work for you is important. Think of yourself as an investment. You are investing into your mental health so that you can get a job and strive toward the goals you want. You want to get the best possible care so you can get yourself to those goals. Maybe you "should" be able to shrug off your BPD, but "should" doesn't help us actually get what we need.

You can certainly tell me to shove it and what I'm saying comes only from personal experience, but I would look into finding a DBT program or therapist, though I'm going to say that you're going to have a really hard time finding one that accepts Medicaid. DBT is built from the ground up for BPD and designed by someone who has BPD, Marsha Linehan. I've been through DBT programs and they have saved my life. There are cheap books on Amazon or websites like DBT Self Help that I've personally used and can vouch for.

As long as you're not a danger to yourself or others, you should remember that you haven't been diagnosed yet. Meaning that you aren't disqualified from joining the Navy. If I were you, I'd get the DBT handbook on Amazon, give myself a few months to really work on it myself, and then if I didn't improve at all, say goodbye to the Navy dream and go get a diagnosis and counseling (which will most likely just be group DPT anyway), and possibly medication if they think you need it.

But if it does help you, then join the Navy. Right now, before the diagnosis, you still have a chance. Take it. The worse that will happen (as I said, unless you're a danger to yourself or others), is that you'll join the Navy and not get better, get the diagnosis, and get a medical discharge. But if that did happen, at least you'll always know that you tried.

Maybe this is horrible advice. But as someone who has missed out on opportunities because of a diagnosis, I know how awful that feels, and I think you deserve to join the Navy.

The best book I've read on BPD is "I hate you...don't leave me". amazon I found it pretty hard to get a lot of good info online about BPD, the stuff is pretty fragmented. Subbing here over time helps when you can see people making threads about what they're dealing with and realize aspects of the disorder that you didn't of yet think about that you share.

>The main issues I have with the psychiatrists is the fact that I hate listening to advice and help and the only way I can work on it is if they work with me, which they usually don't.

The thing about DBT is it's about equipping YOU with the skills you need to deal with your problems, so in my experience, it is like working with you, but you don't actually work 'through' your problems in therapy, you just gain the skills and a bit of context, and then feedback how you used those skills the next week. There are a lot of online resources I think you can find some in the sidebar, or there's a book you can work through yourself that some people have found very helpful (about £13 on amazon) if you don't find therapeutic relationships helpful, perhaps give that a try first? It really helped me when I was waiting for therapy to start!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=MJA4WWJMB11WT8HA034N

I have that workbook. It’s super helpful. My therapist also recommended the one by Linehan , who created DBT, I believe. It’s the one my therapist uses. It’s in my Amazon shopping cart right now so if you buy it first, let me know if it’s worth while! I’ve done several pages out of it but I haven’t flipped thru the whole thing yet (obviously, since I haven’t bought it yet lol)

https://www.amazon.ca/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=asc_df_1572245131_nodl/?tag=googlemobshop-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=309806161563&amp;hvpos=1o1&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=13160612308154201826&amp;hvpone=&amp;h...

Sorry that’s such a long link lol but there it is on amazon!

"Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" is really good.

Listing on Amazon

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.isoron.uhabits

This app does require your own initiation, maybe Youper or Wysa is something for you.

It is an AI that helps you monitor everything and set goals. Both are kind of the same.

Also, Vent is pretty cool. It's kind of like facebook but just ranting and support.

This book has a lot more in-depth information on how to deal with these types of familial situations and is free to read w/ Amazon Prime. I hope that it is helpful to you!

My early guided meditations I did in office with my therapist. The book Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. has some good ones you do yourself. You could also search "guided meditation" on youtube. Probably depends on what voices or internal imagery you find soothing. There are tons out there for free. Don't feel the need to be all "higher consciousness" "I can sit still for 8 hours" kinda vibe. Even just 5 minutes of clearing your mind and focusing on your breathing/body can be very helpful.

Learned Optimism deals more with the definitive symptoms of depression, but it was such a good read for me. It really breaks down behaviour, and I believe its overall message to be one that helps our condition.

And two awesome books: "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl... can't say enough about how great this short book is... and Augesten Burrough's "This is How" pulled me from a dark place a few years ago (in fact it changed my life, I took one of his more radical solutions and applied it rather than do myself in).

https://www.amazon.com/This-How-Surviving-What-Think/dp/1250032105

Learned Optimism is quite good. A book about how we've conditioned ourselves into misery and the steps one can take to tear away.

I saw a great deal of myself in it and have managed to change some behaviours for the better.

I've been doing fifteen minutes of mindfulness every morning this month, and the difference is surreal... I still get upset and triggered during the day, but it seems not to last as long, and it doesn't put me into a tailspin for more than a few hours...

The book I learned it from, "Mindfulness in Plain English," is also very good.

Aha I understand. Reading Eckhart Tolle's book is what did it for me. He basically talks about the ego and how most people identify with their ego. What I mean by that is that they associate whatever thoughts come to mind about themselves as being "their" thoughts. He then teaches that it is possible to completely separate yourself from your thoughts hence being able to treat, even what you consider a part of yourself, as a different and separate entity. It wouldn't be self-harm in that case even though on the surface it appears so.

I can understand that it may be hard to relate, it was difficult for me at first. But honestly once I realized how my ego was poisoning my thoughts, I separated from it and completely removed it. I then took that same method and applied it to BPD. Try reading "The Power Of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, no need to read the whole book, only maybe the first 40-50 pages. You may not click with it at all, or you may like I did. If you do, it could help, so it's worth a shot.

If you want, I can write you a brief summary with examples of what Eckhart Tolle is talking about. It can be really hard to understand sometimes because it really changes your reality.

This is kind of for everyone, but I had a book recommended to me this morning.

<em>The Power Of Now</em> by Eckhart Tolle & Some Quotes

I find it to be really preachy and, idk, pretentious...? That feels like the best word lol. Many good points are made in it about how, as individuals, we habitually focus our attention on feelings that inhibit & interfere with our considering other positive aspects of our current life situation.

Dude, you had been with someone for a month?? I can't even get past the 3rd day... :/
>
>
> Also, your mother still talks to you. By 10th grade, my parents completely lost hope.

Talk to me?

>Is it at all spiritual, or just a way to examine your thoughts?

Mindfulness is about not thinking but it's also not about suppressing thought. Mindfulness is the discipline of not thinking while not suppressing thought, it allows you connect to the present moment and to feel the indiscritable nature of human experience.

It is also not a tool to make you feel better, you shouldn't expect anything from trying to be mindful but it may happen that the fact that you're more aware of reality will make you do better choices in your life.

I highly recommend Alan Watts (here's a collection of his talks) and the book, and [Mindfulness in Plain English](www.urbandharma.org/pdf/mindfulness_in_plain_english.pdf‎) is also worth a read.

Two month waitlist to get into my program at NYC and tbh the group therapy sessions were much more healing and helpful to me than the days we did DBT, which were basically just mini classes on each module and what they meant. I feel that all the modules are pretty straight forward and simple to understand though, it’s just a matter of taking the action to even try to do things differently from what we’re so used to- that’s the hard part. Sometimes it even feels a bit condescending because the modules seem like such common sense and obvious, but i realized that in all reality when things really got heated my default was to go into nuclear self-destruct mode, it really does take a lot of discipline/determination to make lasting change.

Good luck! The whole DBT manual and worksheets written by Linehan herself is on amazon for $52 DBT® Skills Training Manual, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462516998/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fpU4zbQQ1P8E4 It’s written for providers but I think it’s more helpful than the one written for us, she goes into the clinical side of things explaining how and why the modules are effective which is great insight

Best for me was this book that has the most up-to-date research on causes and prognosis

Borderline Personality Disorder: New Reasons for Hope

Read this book: The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B003TXT5MY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_TeSYxbYVK3ME7

It's sort of an introduction to BPD and it covers everything you need to know . You need to know what BPD is and how it affects the sufferer and those around them.

> My only thought is that even if I do seek help for myself, I still come home to a struggling husband. His sadness is mine, his struggles are mine.

I hear you... and I want to tell you, with kindness, that it doesn't have to be that way. If you are interested in self-help books, I'd like to pass along a recommendation from my therapist, it's called Codependent No More. Don't let the part about "controlling others" throw you off, it's really about caring for yourself the way you deserve to be cared for and not letting other people's problems consume you.

I hear the fear, and your fear is valid. And I agree that your husband is too caught up in himself... so maybe it's an excellent time to work on yourself.

Just curious, but have you tried reading this book? It's absolutely amazing. I learned about from the author herself at a BPD specialty clinic where I live. It's great for teaching you how to be mindful.

http://www.amazon.com/You-Untangled-Workbook-Practical-Workbooks/dp/0989802108/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1454919186&amp;sr=8-15&amp;keywords=dbt

This book has helped me, as well as my family and the few close people I share my diagnosis with.

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901

Within a few pages you will see some great advice.

It may also help to speak with a therapist

Thank you for your reply and I fully agree with the one last chat idea. Unfortunately that chat was on Monday and similarly, she admitted she did not know that it impacted me at all, regardless of me saying several times over the last month that she is really hurting me. When I told her this she laughed and told me not to cry about it.. I have really tried, from learning about BPD to the point that I know more than she does.. I even went and got her this after seeing amazing reviews online and sat down with her and suggested that we could perhaps go through the book together if she didn't want to do it alone. For about 5 minutes she was genuinely really happy, or so it seemed.

My girlfriend gave me this link when I started seeing her: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/helping-someone-with-borderline-personality-disorder.htm

There are books as well, I was given a suggestion from this sub: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder--Control/dp/1593856075/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1447540474&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=loving+someone+with+bpd

And echoing others here, tough love = pushing them away

I'm at work so I can't say much, but I can offer you this. I use it when I'm feeling shit. ALSO have you read the book Loud in The House of Myself by Stacey Pershall? Here is a link. This is the best book I've read in years, it was like a hundred hugs. It'll be your friend.

I find that reading people's stories helps me relate the most. This is a good one: http://www.amazon.com/Loud-House-Myself-Memoir-Strange-ebook/dp/B004EHZLTK/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1445350211&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=loud+in+the+house+of+myself Also The Buddha and the Borderline.

yeah, it's a DBT book! the updated version just came out: http://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Manual-Second-Edition/dp/1462516998/ref=dp_ob_image_bk

though you get a better handle on the topics if you're in therapy. here's a link to the interpersonal communication bits specifically: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/ie_handout_8.html this website really helped me before i got the courage to start therapy.

thank you for reading my blog. i'm glad you got something out of it.

I just got my first DBT workbook in the mail today and haven't gone through it; when I do, I'll let you know how it is!

What I was doing up until this point, though, was making myself a strict schedule and sticking to it. The more varied my schedule is, the more aggravated I get. I have a regular sleep cycle, eat healthily, and exercise almost every day. Just those three things alone has vastly improved my mood. I would really suggest doing any (or all!) of those things if you think you can. :]

Edit: Just popping in to say that I've started going through the DBT book, and I really like it. I would suggest ordering it, if you can! Here's the one I got.

I was 'lucky' I suppose in that I came at it from another angle - I was put in therapy by my mother at 15 and I learned about BPD when I was a teenager and was assigned a specialised at 23. I'm 25 now and I'm literally only just learning about the RBN side of things, I've posted there under a different name before with my whole backstory but I always thought I was the problem and never attributed anything to my parents. I wish I could say it was my psychodynamic psychotherapy that put me there but it was actually reddit!

Maybe you need to try to look at BPD as an illness rather than as a manipulative person. Arm yourself with information because if up until now you've only had negative connotations of it in your mind, it's going to be difficult to break that thought pattern. I recommend Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder as a fantastic starting point; I read it and got my SO to read it when I was done. My therapist lent it to me.

It's not fun and it's not easy, but we aren't actively horrible people. It takes a lot of self awareness and patience, and also time. I'm so much better now than I was when I was a teenager, because hormones and teenage angst. But I'm not 'normal'. I don't know if I'll ever be, and I'm starting to come to terms with that. Kind of.

Good luck. This place is always here to get support and advice :)

Definitely Lost in the Mirror - An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder - my ex-psych lent it to me, I read it then lent it to my SO. It helped him to understand a little better. And helped me to as well!

Those feelings of hopelessness and emptiness. Wanting to be done. I go through that, too. And as much as you feel "this rollercoaster is my life" ... it doesn't have to be that way forever.

DBT can help you, believe it or not. It's painful as hell to do the work, but not as painful as what you feel right now. It's the best way I know to break the cycle and start to cultivate the life you want. But you have to be consistent. Find a book, or a DBT program if you can, and commit yourself to doing the work, no matter how dumb or pointless or cheezie you think it is. Do the work every single day, in any mood, for as many hours as you possibly can. That's the only way it works for me, but it works for me.

Intrusive thoughts. You're not alone. They're very common and very manageable, and they don't make you a bad person. The Imp Of The Mind is a great book dedicated to this. It helped me come to terms with the vile business of wishing the worst on the things I find the best.

Sure.. it's actually part of the group therapy lessons...

Here's an example from the Fulton State DBT Handbook that is given to groups. (link to the manual at the top of the posting)

Most DBT groups I have done (I think I've done about... 4 now?) have a lesson about validation because many people with BPD experience living in invalidating environments or with invalidating people. (which just makes everything much much worse)

So this is an exerpt taken right from Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Linehan regarding Validation...

The first general task in validating is to help clients observe and accurately describe their own emotions, thoughts and overt behavior patterns. Much of DBT pyschosocial skill straining - in particular, mindfulness training - is aimed at just this. Second, Skills trainers communicate empathy with the clients' emotional tone, indicate understanding of(though not necessarily agreement with) their beliefs and expectancies , and/or make clear observations of their behavioral action patterns. In other words, the trainers observe and describe the clients' behavior accurately. Third, and most importantly, the trainers communicate that the clients' emotional responses, beliefs and expectancies, and overt behaviors are understandable and make sense in the context of their lives and the current moment. In each instance, the trainers look for the nugget of gold in the cup of sand - the validity within what may otherwise be a very dysfunctional response.

Even the DBT therapist I had that was wishy washy was very validating...

I hope this answers your question :)

I've seen this book often be highly recommended for people who are in a relationship with someone with BPD: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1593856075/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=1593856075&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=mewilm-20&amp;linkId=S4BIU2YY7ECULA2B

Yes, absolutely voice your opinion, but how you do it is the tricky part. For me, any discussion about autism is a very personal topic, it's very easy for me to lose my cool when I feel someone is not understanding me (when in reality its usually me not understanding them). If you have temper problems like me, its very important to give yourself at least 5 seconds to try to understand what they're really saying before you respond. Try to keep your heart rate low and a calm tone of voice. No one can help you if you lose your logical sense. It's possible this psychologist can't help you and if you get that feeling, find one that has patients with aspergers. I didn't need a diagnosis to know I was autistic. I sought a diagnosis for one reason, I'm brutally honest and I absolutely can't stand lying, when I told people I was autistic and didn't have a diagnosis, it really felt like I was lying. A diagnosis did not give me peace of mind about if I was or wasn't autistic because I had already learned I was autistic.

EDIT: Also, I wanted to add that I'm a very thickheaded person, If I have a strong understanding of something, no one can change my mind. Because of this, the best resources for me personally are books and not counseling. I use my psychologist as a resource to find me useful readings. I suck at dating and making friends and a counselor can't give me the information I need to do better, however books like Decoding Dating and The Science of Making Friends are invaluable resources. I suspect you're a "self learner" too.

I'm so sorry and I know what you're going through. I'd recommend this book! It's available in Kindle, paperback, or audiobook. It truly saved my life and cured my panic attacks for good. It's helped so many people and I bet it would help you. Hang in there. <3 https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Your-Nerves-Anxiety/dp/0593201906/ref=asc\_df\_0593201906/?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=560440526833&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=3998326342933385162&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;hvqmt=&amp;hvdev=...

My girlfriend gave me a book about how to uh, how did it phrase it? Something about how to live with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. I read it dutifully, and it certainly explained, in compassionate but logical terms, what people with BPD experience.

Might be worth it to get. . . oh, wait, found it.

I just ordered this book. i've heard good things but all of it comes down to our ability to apply these things. and that's where, I think, an appropriate therapist comes in.

Im glad this subreddit made you feel less lonely! Thats the main reason im here most days.

Wether or not you’ve been diagnosed if you find you relate to the things youre seeing here it may be helpful to start learning distress tolerance skills if youre motivated to on your own before you find a therapist. Even if you speak to someone and they decide its not BPD, learning these skills is never going to hurt. This is the workbook my therapist recommended to me!

https://www.amazon.ca/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1684034582/ref=asc_df_1684034582/?tag=googlemobshop-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=341792110454&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=12433560128389989164&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&a...

This is the most amazing book I’ve ever found. It helps me so much. Whenever I feel something, I go to the table of content and it has my feeling (lash out at boyfriend, skipping out on work or other commitments, being depressed etc. ) then it has DBT skills to help the situation.

It is written by 1 medical doctor and 2 psychologists!

https://www.amazon.com/Coping-BPD-Symptoms-Borderline-Personality/dp/1626252181/ref=asc_df_1626252181_nodl?tag=hyprod-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=312136634064&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=13052070835860735584&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&amp;h...

Sometimes I'm okay with being alone and sometimes I'm not. When I feel the need to be around people but am too anxious to interact then I go sit somewhere where there's people around like a coffee shop (I'll take a book or laptop), or I might sit at a park or go to a store and walk around.

If I want to be more social, there are places where I live like free peer support groups from NAMI, a drop-in clubhouse run by a community mental health center, a group event that I find on meetup.com, volunteer work that I find on volunteermatch.org, or I'll think of someone that I can call. My friends don't live near me so I don't get to see them often in person.

Or sometimes I will meditate, talk a hot bath, take a nap, watch positive YouTube videos, listen to my favorite songs or watch a movie.

I know it must have been difficult to hear that, but the good news is that he communicated his feelings with you and now you two can work on changing the dynamics. It also sounds like you care a great deal about each other. You said that you don't usually ask how he is, but you can start doing that. Maybe you two can start a new ritual of sorts where you take some time every day to check in and ask each other about the day, how things are going, etc. You could even say something to him like, "I thought about what you said the other day and I'm sorry that you've been feeling that way. What can I do differently that would help?"

You could also seek out additional support like going to a NAMI support group, a group on meetup.com, or trying to find a therapist to talk to. And you can post on here anytime. I'm sure your husband wants to support you because he cares, but sometimes we need a larger support system to balance things out. Journaling can also help with venting.

Don't beat yourself up about this.

I can relate to this. I spend a lot of time alone. I have a few friends but they're in relationships and I don't always see them. Some days I'm okay with that (I'm an introvert) but some days I do get lonely and wish I had more relationships or someone to be spending my time with. I used to date a lot more but I found that doing that didn't really help me feel less lonely- I didn't always connect with the person and being around someone you feel no connection too can feel lonely too. When I was with them, I'd also end up doing a lot of activities that I'm not that interested in and found myself missing the hobbies that I enjoy doing on my own. So I don't know a good solution to it. But I try to spend time doing things I like to do, and sometimes I will go to a meetup.com group when I feel the need to be social (it's like a fast way to make plans on a Friday night...instant friends) and sometimes I just focus on enjoying my own company. And that has gotten easier.

Hi, I understand what you mean. Have you tried out different hobbies? You could just choose some things and try them out even if they don't sound particularly interesting right now. Maybe you could join some meetup.com groups of Facebook groups and go to something like a movie club or whatever is in your area. Or you could do some volunteer work through volunteermatch.org, check out some library books on different hobbies, play a game online, go for a short hike or bird watching, try out a new coffee shop, etc. If you try something that you don't like then you don't have to do it again but maybe you'll try something and it will spark something in you.

I understand the feelings you're describing. If I'm really tempted to reach out to someone when I shouldn't (like texting them too many times or expressing the abandonment feelings), I will sometimes put my phone away...like I'll put it under my pillow or in a cabinet, etc. for a few hours or until a certain time of day.

I've sometimes found it helpful to write out how I'm feeling in a journal or doing some artwork. Other things you can do might be going for a walk, going to a movie on your own, sitting in a park with a coffee or tea, or working on some other type of project that's just for you. Try to think of hobbies or projects that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Don't do them just to get a positive reaction from the other person (which is something I used to do).

I also like doing mindfulness, yoga and breathing exercises on YouTube. YouTube is great for finding lots of free videos! (And check out the videos of Dr. Daniel Fox for BPD resources).

You might start by writing our your interests, strengths and values. What are you good at? What's something you've always wanted to try? What do you enjoy doing? You can spend a while just thinking about it.

Have you ever looked at groups on meetup.com? They have book clubs, walking groups, and lots of other things that you can go to. I like these because it feels like less social pressure. You're basically just showing up to do an activity that you like and you can try out different groups. I also like volunteermatch.org because I find I get distracted when I focus on helping other people.

As for the Halloween party, I know what you mean about feeling drained. You could decide to do something else during that time like watch Netflix, or you could just go to the party for an hour and see how it goes. I hope your day goes better. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

Shit, I'm sorry. What really helped me was this book on coping skills. It's a DBT book.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/the-dialectical-behavior-therapy-skills-workbook-matthew-mckay/1008150072/2676351386704?st=PLA&amp;sid=BNB_DRS_Marketplace+Shopping+Textbooks_00000000&amp;2sid=Google_&amp;sourceId=PLGoP20404&amp;k_clickid=3x20404

While it's good that you're self-aware, it's not right to call yourself names ("jobless loser"). You say you cannot handle anything negative about yourself, and yet you've typed a whole paragraph criticizing yourself.

I think that with time and effort you can definitely improve. A good start would be to get some therapy, if you can afford it - the next best thing would be to get this book which you can use as a self-help tool, 16 bucks is cheaper than therapy for sure.

I think that you can use your self-awareness to try and stop yourself from doing any of this stuff. If you feel like you're about to manipulate somebody, STOP, take a deep breath and think about it. What do you want to get when you're manipulative? And how can you get what you need without doing anything like that? You're the only one who can do something about it, and you're definitely CAPABLE of improvement. You just have to put the effort into it. Best of luck

As someone with ADHD and the stubbornness of a bull I highly recommend the Pomodoro Technique.

This is what helped me pass my driver's permit test back when I was nineteen. Hopefully it'll help you as well!

https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Workbook-Integrative/dp/1684032733/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=3ICEL87AYA77R&amp;keywords=bpd+workbooks&amp;qid=1663085861&amp;sprefix=bpd%2Caps%2C141&amp;sr=8-1-spons&amp;psc=1 this workbook helped me a lot! i also have a hard time finding a therapist with my insurance but this is helping me

BPD comes from a very emotionally sensitive person having their emotions invalidated at a very early age. It doesn't even require the usual forms of abuse, just neglect, but trauma definitely helps it along.

I'd suggest reading the BPD Survival guide if you want to have a better understanding.

https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&amp;dplnkId=d22b690e-f87b-418c-887a-21e820ce7f5c So here is the overview on the book. It teaches them dbt skills and how to difuse arguments etc. I hate saying this, but I think you're overreacting to the title. It's not like he went out looking for a book with that title. It got recommended to help him achieve skills to help you.

I figure having BPD makes up unable to handle a BPD diagnosis. If you were handling this well then I would be skeptical of your diagnosis.

Sometimes you have to be knocked on your ass just to learn how to stand back up. It gets better.

Here is a book that talks about surviving what just happened to you.

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/B08VZJR2CB