Judging yourself by your perception of other peoples "standards" of living is always a route to the place where you are now. No one is perfect and the people who appear perfect are just hiding their fuck ups that tiny little bit better.
The only things in the world you can control are your own thoughts and responses to events. Everything else you have no control over. You can't even stop your body getting unwell. That probably sounds scary but its incredibly liberating as it means that if you can't control something you don't have to let it concern you.
Someone has bigger muscles than you? You can't control that so why bother about it. You can be glad for them and admire the hard work they have put in to get there but there is no reason for you to feel bad about yourself as your muscles are smaller. Someone is "funnier" than you? Watch and learn from them but don't bring yourself down that you can't be as funny.
If you have gone through CBT or DBT (Cognitive or Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) this will be very familiar to you. Take a look at this book Stoicism and the Art of Happiness for an easy introduction into all this.
You can change the way you think with effort. You can become a better person with effort. It's not easy but you have plenty of time, the rest of your life.
Finally.... if you are currently not getting any medical help for your mental health please go and see your GP. They will sort out something for you. If you are in a really bad place then call the Samaritans on 116 123 as you are in the UK.
This is so true. I've been struggling with this lately, my goals are really lofty and every day I feel like I instantly fail in my daily task to achieve them. A year ago I used the site and app called SuperBetter that is designed to help with over coming depression, anxiety, achieving goals etc by using the analogy that you are a super hero and doing things like getting out of bed is defeating your villian. I completely forgot about it and your comment reminded me of it.
The only other suggestion I can make is the 7 minute workout. Not exactly what you were after being only 7 minutes but it will give you ideas of things like squats, russian twists, leg lifts that may be more in line with what you are after.
Sorry that I couldn't give you response of exactly what you were after, these are just a few things that work for me.
Completely agree. Also, he just came out with a new book that distills all the common habits and beliefs of the people he's interviewed on his podcast (who are world-class in their fields)! It's called Tools of Titans.
no, no, /u/MattDemers really did mean "War of Art"! The title's obviously a play on Sun Tzu's work, but War of Art has to do with overcoming internal creative hurdles and the like. Here's the link to the Amazon page.
I haven't read it myself yet, but I saw it on a suggestion thread on a different subreddit a while back so it made its way onto my "look into" list.
Thanks for the read. I have been feeling especially overwhelmed lately at work. I snapped at two coworkers yesterday in separate incidents. I owe an apology to one of them today. The other, I do not.
I think that setting up small goals is really the best way to live. I was reading in a book about writing recently called Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. It said something along the lines of "the best instructions for writing, and living life, are to do both like you are driving at night. You don't need to see more than a few feet ahead of you to make the whole journey."
Yoga! yay! Mindfulness too. Once I got past the 'i feel silly/like a hippy/i don't know how to meditate', I found it really soothing and helpful.
For those who haven't encountered it before here's some info: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/mindfulness/
And i can fully recommend this app, minimised the aforementioned 'i feel silly' for me, the idea of using it as a guideline helped me too: https://www.headspace.com
I've been where you are now; there is somewhere else to go, and you will get there.
It appears you are in an existential crises. I highly recommend reading Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.
Great list! Journaling was a very important part of my recovery and I've made it my daily habit.
I track similar things like you - the number of pomodoros I've studied, things I'm grateful for, what I've learnt, at what time I got up out of bed, the amount of money spent that day, etc. I plan to make an excel spreadsheet with some of this data so I can visualize it better.
I use an app called Daylio for mood/activity tracking and journaling, and Evernote for tracking everything else. I'd strongly recommend those apps to everyone, especially Evernote because it can sync between your computer and smartphone so you can edit notes easily on your computer.
No matter what I tried, I could not get myself out of bed on time. I would sleep until the very last minute and drag myself up, being more groggy than if I were to have gotten up in the first place.
My solution was getting the Sleep as Android (there is an equivalent for iPhone) app for my phone. When the alarm goes off, I have to physically get out of bed, walk into my kitchen, and scan a QR code in order to shut off the alarm. I immediately feed my cat, since that's the first thing I do in the morning, and bam, I've started my morning routine.
How about I tell you a secret to fat loss.
You can eat your snacks, your chocolate and even your ice cream. HOW!!! well you first sort out what your BMR is. Once that is done I use My Fitness Pal to ratios my intake of Carbs Fats and Protein and then the website tracks all my food I eat and put's it into an easy to read chart. I would recommend for fat loss 40 % Protein 40% Fats 20% carbs. But in all honestly everything has to be tailored to work to it's highest potential. Give it a try!
This sounds hard, but if you're one to give up you have to give yourself a goal to achive, that dress you want? going on to beach? Whatever it is, post it on wall, bed, door whatever you see everyday to keep you going! Good Luck
Been back on my routine for 2 weeks now too (after a 1.5 year hiatus), and though I keep thinking there hasn't been any progress, when I'm honest with myself I notice my body already feels a little different. Like lights in the cockpit slowly turning on. Keep up the great work, friend!
Anything is better than nothing. You don't need any specialised equipment for /r/bodyweightfitness stuff. Look in their FAQ. Darbee has a lot of information for bodyweight fitness stuff too with some different programs too.
Basically for now just get yourself moving. Do what ever feels good. Then when you are getting more into things start investigating a bit more.
Habitica is a good app for gamifying anything that you want. It's RPG-inspired, but you can also ignore that aspect and just use its algorithms for collecting points for good habits and completing to-dos, and set up your own rewards list of items and the number of points they "cost".
If you have the money to reward yourself with spending, I find it fun to keep Amazon lists of things in different price points for different levels of rewards -$5, $15, whatever the budget is. When you feel an urge to shop for random things on Amazon, you put them on the rewards lists instead, and it's a reminder to "earn" them.
FWIW with depression I've found it really only effective to use rewards that have a sort of instant neurochemical gratification component like shopping or food or sometimes an episode of a really engrossing TV show. Everything else feels too much like work to be motivating. I'll read stuff like "Reward yourself with a bubble bath or face mask or an afternoon of reading." I usually have to motivate myself to do things like that, even if I enjoy them - I'm certainly not going to be motivated to exercise so that I can take a bubble bath. If you genuinely do find them motivating then that's great - just be easy on yourself and be aware that a depressed brain might require a stronger dopamine payoff to find something motivating.
I got this set of rings for $30 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08L7MK2GJ
With these you can set them up in a doorway and do an angled pushup so you don't have to press your full body weight up. Then keep flattening out the angle as you get stronger. Can also do Rows very easily with these in the doorway.
I have a pullup bar that I hook them to and do dips as well, but you need that extra equipment for this, but it could be something you add later.
Basically yes. As I said before this was recommended to my by my GP and I have his full support. I will be getting monthly checks on my weight, blood sugar etc.
Professor Roy Taylor who came up with the diet has a book out now.
It's this one on Amazon. I had it recommended to me on r/bipolar by someone that said this series of workbooks had helped them.
Would you mind explaining the difference? It might help some people who are trying to decide. For me, running was just too huge of a psychological barrier. It's definitely all about finding what works for you. I've even done a half marathon before... but I'm in a much different place in my life right now.
Here's the bike I have, we got it from amazon as well: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007595TKU?ref_=Oct_CABSellerC_3407781_0
The best two books for me were Undoing Depression by Richard O'connor and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Your mileage may vary but these were huge in helping me 1) start actually opening up in therapy and 2) have a more realistic perspective of things
A Man's Search for Meaning is one of mankind's greatest books.
Because it tells the tale of how a person can survive anything, and I mean any kind of hell, by finding a way, a reason, a purpose to live.
BTW, he also started a foundation, to someday create a Statue of Responsibility to be on the West Coast, to encourage the ideals of self-responsibility.
Which has been getting closer and closer towards completion as years draw past.
I just started with various guided meditations and visualisations that I found in YouTube and podcasts, just by searching "meditation". I think it's sometimes easier to start out following someone's voice. Just try a few til you get some you like.
Mindfulness in Plain English is a good introduction to a particular type of meditation called vipassana. I found The Power of Now helpful too. It's not about meditation as such, but staying in the present moment, which helps with overthinking, worrying, rumination etc.
Also, check out /r/meditation
This solution is kind of expensive but maybe it will pay for itself in your case: get a dawn simulator alarm clock. They help you feel really awake and alive when you wake up. I have this one and it works really well for me. I feel MUCH more awake/energetic in the morning since using it and somewhat more lively even during the afternoons. There are also cheaper alternatives that don't have the color variations.
I'm slowly coming off the medication :) There don't seem to noticeable side effects so far.
I am already subscribed to writing prompts! I stopped reading fictions to avoid all the emotional stuff, which is easier to do when browsing that subreddit. I don't participate - just reading people's pieces is good enough for me at this point.
The book you recommended looks interesting and helpful. Too bad I cannot get it delivered to my kindle because the U.S. site doesn't carry that format. The book I'm currently reading seems good so far: http://www.amazon.com/The-Undefeated-Mind-Constructing-Indestructible/dp/0757316425 if anyone is interested :)
Forensic psychology sounds really cool! I was just wondering because you seem like a good fit to work in mental health. Even though you work in a different field, I'm sure it would be very pleasant to work with you just because of your kindness towards people.
Do you have any suggestions for people who are triggered easily? I can be triggered by fictions, songs, movies, even TV commercials, and random conversations with friends, etc. It's ridiculous.
I took NOW Foods Calcium/Magnesium Plus Vitamin D and Zinc when I was trying to supplement any nutrients that I wasn't getting from a vegan diet. Since then, I have slowed on the supplements in an attempt to get as much nutrients as possible through the food I am eating. That said, I noticed that it REALLY evened me out. I was working in an environment (lots of sexual harassment) that gave me the most intense anxiety I have ever experienced in my life. I would experience chronic blushing, tightness in my chest, shakiness, and racing anxious thoughts all day- just THINKING about someone messing with me. When I was taking the Calcium/Magnesium, I felt soooo relaxed and was never overly excited (in a positive OR negative way); just very leveled out. I liked it a lot and finished up the whole bottle, but by then I had quit my job so I wasn't really concerned with needing any more. I have no clue how it will work for anyone else, but I recommend it for any intense highs/lows.
I use an alarm app called Sleep as Android, which has several "never oversleep" functions. I've paired it with an NFC tag that I've glued to the wall in my bathroom so that I can't disable the alarm without physically going to the bathroom and touching my phone to the tag, at which point I might as well shower. I find that my morning procrastination usually washes off in the shower :)
If your phone doesn't support NFC you can print out a QR code and be forced to take a picture of that to disable the alarm. This alarm app in particular is for Android only, but if you have an iPhone I'm sure there are equivalent apps for that.
Yes, I do.
This book. The Joy of Movement: How exercise helps us find happiness, hope, connection, and courage, by Kelly McGonigal.
New York Times Crossword app has this game called "spelling bee" that has rankings that are very rewarding as you get more and more words. It beats doom scrolling.
You are not alone in this by any means. We regularly see people posting similar questions.
I would really recommend reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Its been really helpful for me and I think it might be good for a many people too.
I have just finished reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. He has spent his whole career treating people who have suffered terrible abuse starting with Vietnam vets in the 70s right through to the present day. Not just vets but people who have suffered practically every form of abuse that can be imagined and quite a few forms of abuse that should never be imagined.
The book has a whole chapter devoted to exercise, especially yoga. He also mentions t'ai chi and qi gong several times too and even combat sports as methods alongside other forms of therapy.
I can't recommend the book highly enough. I don't have the time to write a synopsis of it right now though.
at at a caloric surplus, i.e make sure you are getting more calories in, that you are exerting in a day. A food tracker app like https://cronometer.com/ can help.
To gain weight, you need to eat more, that really is the truth. If you want to add muscle, then look into some routines dependant on how many days of the week you are going to commit to exercising. So for example you could do a full body workout 3 days a week, or if you are planning on going more regular than that, try a body part split routine where you target different muscle groups each session, in order to give them sufficient rest & recovery before your next session.
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Im (and I guess many others here too are) more than happy to help you with finding a routine etc, and any other questions you might have.
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The main thing is to be committed to it, and to make it a habit, and rembering that changes will not happen overnight. Its a marathon, not a sprint :)
I calculated that GOMAD with full fat chocolate milk is 3314 calories a day, which is about 1000 kcal more than I eat as a 5'11" dude who's on a weight loss diet. So it would really, really work in your case if you can stomach it, but if I were you I'd start small and increase if needed. Like one girl I follow on Tumblr drank cream to get rid of her underweight and it did work, so it's up to you what you're gonna do!
Baby steps, as many people have told me (and it works for my fitness), so I think you should start with walking first.
I once tried going too fast and too hard. Ended up with an injury that kept me out for a month. On my first try too.
If you like to follow programs, I recommend www.darebee.com, specifically their Foundation Light program. Then you can slowly work your way up the tougher ones.
If you're interested but unsure about it you can also ask in their forums. From what I can see, the folks there are friendly. : )
All the best!
This is my routine. My work schedule changes every week (always 8 hrs a day, but the time I start changes), so I schedule this starting 3 hrs before I have to be at work.
T-3: Wake up. Feed fat needy cat. Glasses. Put the kettle on for french press coffee. Neila Rey workout (alternating Starbuck and Watch Your Six lately).
T-2.5: Shower. Contacts. Teeth. Makeup. Getting dressed. Taking the dog out if I'm on a week where my SO leaves later than me. Putting lunch together to take with me.
T-1.5: Quiet time. For me this is coffee with prayer and bible study, but yours may be quiet meditation or just drinking your coffee and looking out the window, thinking about things you like. This is always my favorite part of the day, and helps to set the tone for work even when I'm stressed.
T-1: Put away coffee cup, take care of house, maybe let the dog out again. Gather work stuff (bag, lunch, computer, etc).
T-0.5: Leave for work. It's a 5 minute drive, but traffic can take it up to 15, and I like to be early enough to get more coffee and settle in slow rather than immediately picking up the phone.
Your routine probably won't be as extended as mine, but I'm not remotely a morning person. I need plenty of time to become fully human before I try to deal with people (even my SO some days).
If you have an android smart phone, I really like the app Jefit. (http://www.jefit.com/)
Lets me enter in my daily workout routine, and while i'm working out I can put in how many sets and reps I'm doing. Lets you track your progress via graph (so I can tell my bench press has gone up 12.3% in the past month and a half since I started using it). Might not be great for cardio, not sure, but for weight lifting it's awesome.
Thanks. Good luck, better, good determination to reach your goals.
There is different stuff that motivates different people. I got hooked on running after playing Katawa Shoujo, weirdly enough. Hope you find what motivates you.
There were two other programs in this series too which are well worth it.
The actor David Harewood talks about his experiences with psychosis
The cook and writer Nadiya Hussain talks about her anxiety
Alastair Campbell talks a lot about how he uses Exercise to help deal with his long term, treatment resistant depression and all three shows mention exercise as a good way of helping cope with mental health problems in one way or another.
For weights, hip hop in the vein of Kanye.
For cardio, more poppy stuff.
Basically Pandora's Rap Strength Training and Pop and Hip Hop Power Workout, respectively make up 90% of my gym listening.
/r/Stoicism/ is a good place to start on here.
https://www.diigo.com/user/rob_cornelius/stoicism is my collection of links on Stoicism
Basically speaking Stoicism is the foundation for Cognitive Behavioural therapy. I will write more in the morning as I am off to bed now.
Habitica aka HabitRPG worked for about 2-4 weeks then it got stale. I've never been able to grind on MMOs so this may work better for others.
Start one of the fitness programs on /r/fitness promise to do it for 6 weeks. Have a stretch goal of 3 months. If the plan is good but boring, add a fun goal (e.g. advanced yoga poses and other impressive feats of strength).
Gyms are places where it is OK to be aggressively socially aloof. People are pain when I'm sad. Be pleasant to the front door people because they have to be there and, for the rest of the people, grunts and nods will suffice.
Resistance training (e.g. weightlifting) for physical change. I've never been able to run a mile but I've looked muscular thanks to weightlifting. My wife has seen the same results as me: faster weight loss, more confidence, and healthier body composition. Hypertrophy (muscle growth), strength, and power (strength+speed) are the three major types of resistance training. Pick one from the start and you'll have a lot more success picking exercises.
Background: Depressed 210 lb 5'10" male 26-30% body fat -> 210 lb 5'10" male 18-21% body fat.
I read a book called Exercise for Mood & Anxiety. It's written by two CBT authorities.
I liked this book A LOT because they went over a lot of behavioral strategies we can utilize to improve our health.
Some of them can be implemented in a very practical way.
If anyone gets it or has read it, I would love to discuss insights from the book. :)
Grab this off Amazon for 35 quid - Plegium SMART Self Defence Spray Criminal Identifier 5-in-1 (Black) Alerts Contacts with Free Location Texts & Phone Calls, Alarm, Strobe Lights https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07V4VDG3D/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_Q3BN3A1KHDVQ1WQV491D
Bought one for the missus and feel much better about her travelling into London to see friends.
I'd also recommend a an adjustable height / standing desk. It has done wonders for my posture and overall back issues. It was 1,000% worth it. Couple that with the Herman Miller that you already have, and you'll be good to go. I have this one but there are plenty similar for ~ $400. https://www.amazon.com/Tresanti-Adjustable-Height-Desk-White/dp/B082VHGGDW
I have been reading The Comfort Book by Matt Haig.
It's really good. Not a book as such more a collection of interesting and useful thoughts about the world and mental health. The sort of thing you can dip in and out of rather than reading from cover to cover.
I sometimes like an app to give me some plans and movements and things to do. I've been using this one :
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=homeworkout.homeworkouts.noequipment
I like it well enough to keep using it. I've recently been doing the Full Body Challenge. YMMV
I am using this app which has videos of every exercise. Its on Android but I don't know if it's available on Apple devices.
A while ago I started taking a prebiotic supplement, specifically these and I have to report I think they are having a positive effect on my mental health. Depression and anxiety seem to be easing off.
Of course its a sample size of 1 and and anecdotal survey at that but for me at least I have to say they are working.
Im exactly the same! 2pm I am dozing off no matter what I'm doing. A lot of people have the same pattern on the r/DSPD and DSPS fb page. Check out the wikipedia page.
I've managed it pretty well by taking 0.5mg of melatonin about 4 hours before sleep time, then wearing light glasses like these for an hour in the morning. That plus good eating and intense exercise has got me feeling normal for months on end. Until I slaked off for a month :(
Do you know your MBTI personality type by any chance?
This is the one I have: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00M3SGCUE/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It's very blue when you use it. I also tried a bright white one that was maybe $80 and I found that it didn't work as well, so I think it might be a get what you pay for situation. I was hoping to have one at home and one at my office, but those are now the same place - I guess that's one small benefit of quarantine?
I hope it helps you!
Just FYI, if you change your mind Apple makes headphones that have that charger end on them to use with iPhones that don’t have a headphone jack.
I found a pair at a bar long time ago but I still had a 6s then so I had no idea what they were for and didn’t understand why Apple made them. Now that I have an 11 which has no headphone jack it makes sense. You don’t actually have to buy the adapter or the AirPods if you don’t want to, but I didn’t realize that and bought AirPods. When I finally figured this out I was a little annoyed that I spent $100+ on headphones when I didn’t need to so I’m just paying it forward. You see everybody wearing AirPods so that makes you think that’s the only option when it isn’t.
Do you use a sunlamp? I have really bad seasonal affective (it makes my OCD pretty debilitating) but a sun lamp has helped me immensely in ways I couldn't even predict. Here's the one I use. Seriously life changing--definitely give light therapy a try if you haven't yet. (Also this isn't effective treatment for people who experience mania as it can trigger that so read up.)
It went up a bit, it was only $74.99 when I purchased so maybe check elsewhere online to see if this model is sold for $75. Nothing fancy but it was great to get me going and now I use it about 4 times a week.
Velocity Exercise Gray Magnetic Upright Exercise Bike https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008CMO5CM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QAZhBb6QAGBVJ
Oh, well this is delicious!
I have had problems with this my entire life. You could be me but a bit younger than me.
The one thing that has worked for me is realising that other peoples opinions of me don't really matter to me if I am doing a good job of living my life to my standards.
Other peoples opinions of you are just their opinion. If someone is criticises you and you know for sure they are wrong then you can just say to yourself. "Thats your opinion and I don't agree with it"
Similarly you can change your opinions of yourself. After all you can change your mind on practically anything. It does take a lot of work but you can do it.
Two books I can really recommend are both by Donald Robertson. Stoicism and the art of happiness and Build your resilience They are both based on the Greco-Roman philosophy philosophy of Stoicism. If you have gone through CBT or DBT you will be familiar with a lot of the material already as these therapies are both based on Stoicism.
I'm re-reading a book called Bird by Bird. Anne Lamott.
It is a book about writing, but also a beautiful memoir. Lots of inspirational stuff and neurotic humor. I used to be a decent writer, and I've been wanting to get back into it. This book always inspired me, so I'm starting there and seeing what happens.
I am not a religious person at all.
One of the best books I have ever read is Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning Its an astounding book and should be read far more widely especially in these times.
Frankl says that we all need a purpose in life, without that we struggle. We need meaning basically. I think for a lot of people at least part of that meaning is their faith.
One of the multitude of effects of depression is that it makes us question ourselves. We feel worthless, useless. It tries to rob us of our meaning. Perhaps, and only perhaps this is what you are going through now.
I'm sorry you feel bad. Try to stay sober. And check out this book, it helped me out when I felt in a similar situation: The Power Of Now. I'm sure you can buy it for $0.01 and $3.99 shipping used on amazon. It really helped me put things in perspective and on the right track. There's no magic bullet for depression, but it gave me a place and peace of mind I could always go back to when things got tough. Turns out, that helped me immensely. (That and working out:) https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
It's not a habit. It's an addiction.
Reflect on your relationship with food, and see if looking at it through the lens of addiction changes the way you think about it, or the way you see yourself.
Ask yourself, "Am I an addict? Do I lack control? Am I driven by the need to fill a void?" It is much easier to effect change once you understand the nature of what you are dealing with. How do you develop a strategy for dealing with something before you know what it is in the first place? You don't, and that is why you probably feel like you've been failing for the last 20 years.
A good resource is "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a highly effective treatment for changing the way you think about depression, food, relationships... pretty much anything in your life that is causing you emotional distress.
Addicts need support. Search out an overeaters anonymous group in your area. Seek therapy. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and cut unsupportive or destructive ones out of your life. Find diet partners, workout partners, life coaches, whatever works for you. Any of these things will help.
Ask yourself if you are ready to make a life-long commitment, or if you are looking for a quick fix and just want to go back to your old ways as soon as you're "done" losing weight.
I can recommend You Are Your Own Gym by Mark Lauren. (I'm not gonna say there's ways to find the .pdf on the internet, but I'm not denying it either.) I'm a guy, but that's not really important here. The book is a little jocky at times, but the exercises are explained really well and the entry level programmes are very doable for anyone. I worked with it the first time I got rid of my weight, and I dropped from roughly 120 kilos (265 pnd) down to 89 kilos (196 pd) as a 186/6'0'' male. I exclusively used this book and Low-Carb Diet. Now, either way, the key point to losing weight is not the exercises, but that's been mentioned here a lot. But workout doesn't hurt. I mean, it technically does, but not for the means of losing weight. I picked back up Gym when I was at my lowest a couple weeks back and I'm feeling roughly a bazillion levels better.
The best book I can recommend is Donald Robertson's Stoicism and the Art of Happiness. I have met Don a couple of times and he is a well respected therapist as well as a philosopher
Everyone is different of course but I think my parents at least don't want me to be depressed as they don't want their friends etc to find out. They think my mental illness makes them look like bad parents.
I lent my mother Marcus Trescothick's autobiography once to try and get her to understand. My mother has met Marcus many times over the years at cricket games etc. and I thought it might give her a little bit more insight. Her reply was "No wonder you act crazy if you read books like that"
A few years ago I was discussing this topic with my brother. I have always been one to argue with my parents, at least to try to get them to see my point of view. He tends to let things slide and steps back. He said that he realised a while ago that you cannot change our parents, not even in the slightest. The thing he does is just nod, smile and ignore what ever really bad thing they just said. Its not a great idea in my book but at least you get an easier life.
All of those are good. All of them will help. I do all of them.
If you like what I have been talking about so far you might want to take a look at Stoicism and the Art of Happiness The author is a world renowned expert on Stoicism and a world renowned therapist too. I met him a while ago and he is a nice guy too.
A book I can really recommend is Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Roberston. Its written from the perspective of a self help book rather than an academic perspective. Don is a leading CBT therapist here in England as well as being an academic. I have heard him lecture and in debate a few times and he knows his stuff.
If you want to learn more of the origins of Stoicism then the Enchridion of Epictetus is a great start. You can read it in 20 minutes and think about it for years.
A stand alone pull up bar and a floor is all you really need.
I found a big help for me was switching to standing at work. I bought myself a riser for my monitor and keyboard to sit on that goes on top of my desk rather than a whole new desk.
It takes a bit of getting used to standing up all day but its helped a lot with my posture etc. It also burns a few extra calories a day too which is always good.
It might be worth taking a look at /r/flexibility and a program Starting Stretching I can really recommend Becoming a Supple Leopard as good source of info too.
Sadly there is no quick fix and it all hurts... but its worth it
You could just get a calculator like this one: https://www.amazon.com/Omron-HBF-306CN-Fat-Loss-Monitor/dp/B000FYZMYK/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1476127538&sr=8-2&keywords=body+fat+calculator
They aren't completely accurate but they will at least provide a reference point so that you can always check once a week or 2 weeks to be sure you don't suddenly go from 14% to 20% without noticing as that can be very easy to do because 20% is still in the healthy body fat range but it is not considered "athletic."
I'm sorry you feel bad. Try to stay sober. And check out this book, it helped me out when I felt in a similar situation: The Power Of Now. I'm sure you can buy it for $0.01 and $3.99 shipping used on amazon. It really helped me put things in perspective and on the right track. There's no magic bullet for depression, but it gave me a place and peace of mind I could always go back to when things got tough. Turns out, that helped me immensely. (That and working out:) https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
It's not a habit. It's an addiction.
Reflect on your relationship with food, and see if looking at it through the lens of addiction changes the way you think about it, or the way you see yourself.
Ask yourself, "Am I an addict? Do I lack control? Am I driven by the need to fill a void?" It is much easier to effect change once you understand the nature of what you are dealing with. How do you develop a strategy for dealing with something before you know what it is in the first place? You don't, and that is why you probably feel like you've been failing for the last 20 years.
A good resource is "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a highly effective treatment for changing the way you think about depression, food, relationships... pretty much anything in your life that is causing you emotional distress.
Addicts need support. Search out an overeaters anonymous group in your area. Seek therapy. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and cut unsupportive or destructive ones out of your life. Find diet partners, workout partners, life coaches, whatever works for you. Any of these things will help.
Ask yourself if you are ready to make a life-long commitment, or if you are looking for a quick fix and just want to go back to your old ways as soon as you're "done" losing weight.
Hey bud, normally I'd have a ton of exercise tips, but it sounds like you already know what works and just have to find the time. If you need more time, try working out from home. An adjustable dumbbell set and a bench are really all you need, heck you could make due with just a pull up bar and your body weight, as well. Let me know if you want advice finding exercise alternatives you can do at home.
You mentioned you might be suffering from SAD as well (less daylight in the winter worsening mood). I do too, and something that I recently found actually, honestly works is a sun lamp. Every morning I wake up and spend 30 minutes in front of this little thing reading/doing computer work/stretching my hamstrings/meditating. It's just critical that your face is 1-1.5 feet from the light, but you shouldn't look directly into it. Here's the one I got for $60. It helps me feel more awake all day, and GREATLY reduces the frequency of days where I feel deeply depressed. It doesn't make me feel like I'm magically the happiest person on earth, but it helps me feel normal instead of having that weird cloud of anhedonia over my head in the winter. My doc prescribed it, and I'm so glad she did!
Athlete's Way by Christopher Bergland is a good read.
If you want to work out inside, may I suggest a rebounder? You can get them pretty cheap from Amazon (mine was only $60, the link I sent you is a higher quality one) and jog inside while listening to your favorite music, watching TV, etc. Plus, you can just bounce up and down like a happy kid on a trampoline!
Running is my favorite workout, but when the weather is too terrible I'm either on my rebounder or my elliptical.
I am not a cyclist personally but my brother is. He has managed to pick up a couple of really nice bikes really cheap from ebay. Basically from guys who had shelled out a lot of money on a fancy bike only to find out they didnt like cycling.
He did buy a reasonable bike brand new but all of his upgrades have been from ebay. He also says this book is one of the best he has read on cycling and this book is one of the funniest books ever written ;)
That sounds like a good idea. How about treating yourself to some new yoga stuff maybe as a treat or incentive to keep it up? That's good that the therapy help, especially in combination with your medication. Usually that is what is most recommended to have therapy in combination with some medication.
Are you still on your medication or slowly coming off? Have you had any adverse side effects?
How do you feel about no longer being able to read fictions? Would it help if you took a look over at /r/WritingPrompts and maybe joining so you can still write?
How do you find the self-help books? Can I recommend one to you? http://www.amazon.co.uk/Change-Your-Thinking-CBT-Overcome/dp/0091906954/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1434448411&sr=8-1&keywords=sarah+edelman
I studied Psychology with Forensic Psychology so it had quite an emphasis on mental health but its my favourite area of Psychology. I like to come to this sub and just see what I can do to help people but unfortunately not working in the field. Lots more studied still to do! Aw thank you! I'm glad you think so :)
Science of Enlightenment by Shinzen Young is also a great read, and really effective for processing/dealing with emotions (something difficult for men in our culture).
if you haven't yet: /r/NonZeroDay
That said, you're in the best phase of lifting: the bulk!! Once you find the food you like, go nuts. You're at a great point because all food will help you right now. Don't get carried away obviously with donuts every day or anything, but don't be afraid to get a big mac after your post-pump shake.
Second, my best pieces of advice are as follows: get a workout log. Amazon has this one that I love and use every day. If possible, pick your big lifts that you like (I do Deadlift, squat, bench, and overhead press) and graph 'em in excel. use your log to input your day's numbers and watch your progress. It's a great feeling.
Form, form, form. I don't care if you're lifting two pounds or two hundred, I will not stare unless you're doing it wrong, and that's because I'm halfway between chiming in and praying that you don't break something. Have good form and you will have the confidence to go up in weight without fear of injury.
If you stick with it and really do start to love it, it's never too early to invest in a few good pieces of equipment. Wrist wraps, knee sleeves, maybe a lifting belt, I always find a new resurgence of motivation when I have a new toy to break in!
OP I'm proud of you and happy you're going to do this. The gym is your sanctuary, your one hour a day where the only person who matters is you. It's meditative, it's cathartic, it's humbling. When you are having a good day, you can't wait to hit the gym hard and get a new PR. When you're having a bad day thinking about your ex, put her lazy ass on that deadlift bar, put on your angriest face, and pick that shit up!! Then pick it up again. Until your forearms and hamstrings burn.
The gym is more than the weight. It's about you and only you. Good luck OP, let me know if you'd like resources or just to talk.
<em>Understanding and Overcoming Depression</em> I've found quite useful, especially the sections on how to express things to family and friends.
I had a black dog by Matthew Johnstone. It's not a traditional book with a lot of words but pictures can sometimes be worth a thousand words. The illustrations are amazing and really strike emotions that can't always be described in words. I was recommended it during a dark patch in my life and it really struck home. Highly recommended, especially if you're looking for a slightly more simplistic way of telling someone how you feel such as kids.
It might be worth checking out a book Solitary Fitness - Charles Bronson
For the Americans out there... No not that Charles Bronson. This Charles Bronson is a British bare knuckle fighter and gangster who has spent most of his life in prison and most of that time in solitary confinement. Normally I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone with mental health issues as Bronson has quite a few himself (his autobiography is called "My Mad Life") and the book is a "interesting" when he is not talking about exercise
However he is supposed to be one of the fittest and strongest guys in Britain if not the world despite spending most of his time with no access to weights or anywhere to run etc.
Basically the program he lays out you can do in a solitary confinement cell with a chair, a table and bed frame and not much else and everything is bolted to the floor. If you are dedicated and more than a little obsessed... it certainly works.
I don't have much room either, but I bought this bike. It's more upright so it takes up very little space and even folds up. The motion is extremely smooth and the thing is SILENT. Not that you needed a product review, but this bike is awesome.
I found with my peddler that the tension doesn't stay put well and the thing doesn't give me much of a workout. Hence, the stationary bike.