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The most popular Android Apps mentioned in /r/addiction:
No More! Quit your Addictions
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Go to a meeting. Like right now.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.meetingguide
Go there and ask for a temporary sponsor. Someone will offer their help until you can find a real sponsor.
Don't worry that it's AA. It's the 12 steps that will help you. Addiction is addiction. I am a recovering alcoholic but my sponsor is a recovered heroin addict. Some of my best friends from the program were using meth, heroin, and crack.
You can do this and I promise you it is so worth it. Just commit. Talk to the people at the meetings and identify similarities rather than focusing on differences. Take their suggestions and just be WILLING to try them. Keep what works and toss aside what doesn't. You will work your program and I promise you will feel better if you do.
PM me for questions.
I am sorry for what you are going through, I hope I can offer something useful.
Addiction, is an unhealthy attachment combined with obsession. In most cases, the obsession is a direct result of Avoidance. We not only fear being without an escape, we fear facing ourselves in the silence, where the voice of our Ego makes us feel Shame. The honest trick to this, is heal the shame. How we heal the shame, is working the 12 Steps of recovery and getting to meetings. We need to talk about it, confess and surrender... understand that we are powerless but there is Something, that can guide us back to health.
I have written a recovery guide, it is free and you are welcome to download a copy at any time:
Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155
It saved my life. I’m not advocating that you buy it on Amazon. The link is solely for the description. But however you get your hands on a copy, it will definitely help.
Consider seeking additional understanding of your addiction. I recommend https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-heart-addiction/201103/breaking-addiction
Dr Dodes has a book that you can get on audible if you prefer audio books that describes in detail how to get through these seasons in your life.
I'm listening to Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction by Lance M. Dodes, narrated by John Meagher on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B004NXGRN4&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006
Wish you success
Oh also checkout Headspace or Calm if you are a noob to Meditating. Headspace has a free 10-day mindfullness course and have helpful animations.
Both have apps for your phone
It hurts me enormously to see that you sincerely think you don't survive. I have been in the same place as you, but have ascended. It's not easy and it takes a long time before you can be really happy again without drugs. But it is possible. I went to live with my parents after rehab. They live in a very remote village next to a forest. There I went on with therapy and now, 3 years later, I can finally say that I am happy and that things are going well. It is still very difficult because I find many things that are normal, are not normal for me. After all, I haven't learned things related to being an adult during my addiction. Take your time and find out the important things. If necessary, go into therapy. (For me, this was the decisive move. Without therapy I wouldn't be alive anymore. And then not a psychiatrist, but a psycho therapist. And be incredibly honest with yourself and with the people who are helping you. I think it's hard for us addicts to be really honest, but be helped by people who are close to you. Lying brings you nowhere.
If you want more help or want to call once. Then let me know
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator
Your opinions are shared not only with me but with an entire organization stemming from The St. JUDE Foundation. Their book and teachings can be found in a groundbreaking life changing book titled "The Freedom Model- Escape The Recovery and Treatment Trap". You should check this book, their e-book, podcasts or YouTube videos out. The link to the book on Amazon is below and the comments of buyers is also worth the read.
Thank you so much for all the helpful information you have given several of us today :)
Link is for the correct book yes?
https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Model-Addictions-Treatment-Recovery/dp/0983471347
There’s a good 12 step Buddhist book I use - amazon link
Though one thing I have realised in my own recovery is that I started by reading all I could, but what I really needed was to form healthy relationships with like minded people- addictions for me basically were there to feel the void as I had little love for myself and deduced that if I didn’t like me, no one else would, so..... fuck it, may as well indulge.
I use the Presently app.
It notifies you once a day and you put in something you're grateful for. I recently hit a 200 day streak. That daily moment of appreciation is indeed great for the spirit.
In the book "The Power of Habit," the author talks about habits as having three components:
- Trigger - the thing that tells us it's time to do a thing (drinking is a trigger in your case)
- Behavior - the thing we do after the trigger
- Reward - the way the behavior makes us feel that subconsciously tells us that the cycle of trigger/behavior/reward leads toward a positive outcome (even if the outcome isn't positive)
He says that if you can identify the trigger but change the behavior and reward, you can change a habit.
Start working in your own recovery. Go to a family support group and learn about boundaries. Read the CRAFT book.
https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812/ref=monarch_sidesheet
He needs all the emotional support he can get, but give it to him without expectation. If you can come to terms with the fact that his addiction is his battle to fight (or not fight) it will give him the space to make decisions for himself without feeling like he's doing it to ease other people's fears, as shame and disappointment increase addictive cravings.
It would be best if he can get professional support for his bereavement as he doesn't have healthy self-soothing skills. I recommend giving him this book. I don't know how receptive he'd be to reading it but it helped me in a very difficult period of my life.
It hurts seeing someone destroy themselves but everyone has their own story to live through.
This is the key, /u/G8keypur. Just as with any addiction, you're not going to beat this one overnight. Start pulling away gently, day by day. If you have the focus, try to get lost in some deep work such as reading a book. Your smartphone pulls you in by giving you little shots of dopamine every time you consume something new. It's addictive because it's easy, and it starts out being very fun. Reading a book provides a more challenging, yet more rewarding experience. It gives you [flow,](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology\)) a much deeper and more health-promoting experience than the one you get from your phone. Flow is somewhat addictive in its own right, but the addiction yields much happier and more productive things than does a smartphone-based dopamine addiction.
I think that the best thing that you can do for your friend is to make sure that she knows that you are standing by her side. However it is equally important to take time for yourself and not to try and fix her. This is something that she has to do, the action that needs to be taken is action that she herself has to take, but she doesn't have to do it alone.
It might be a good idea to try and get her to go to some NA meetings: https://m.na.org/ And maybe you can go to one with her, but just tell her to sit back and listen out for the similarities if what people are saying and not the differences. If she likes reading, suggest that she reads the basic text: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Narcotics-Wso/dp/1557767351
And if she hates the idea of god, make sure she knows that NA Is NOT a religious programme but a spiritual one.
What comes first? the depression leading to video games and porn to cope or the other way around?
That's a important question to ask yourself because the truth is as long as you aren't taking care of your needs your addictions won't subside.
Do you have a purpose? Do you have community? Do you take care of your health? If you really want this hell cycle you are in to change you are going to have to change up your day to day. I would suggest cold turkeying porn, setting only a certain amount of time for video games (unless you are completely addicted to it which in case quit them too) and start finding new hobbies and activities to take up your time.
There really isn't 12 step meetings for internet addiction specifically but you can always just walk into a AA meeting and say that you have behavioral addictions that are ruining your life. (its what I did and I myself am a sex addict which includes porn).
There is alot of help out there. You have to change up everything if you really want to change
Quick thing to help https://getcoldturkey.com/ this software allows you to use a feature on it called frozen turkey which will lock you out of any PC you have
If you use porn on your phone I would suggest getting an Iphone because the screen time settings on iphone are hard to get around and will allow you to block porn on your phone.
Just some tips. Good luck friend. If you really decide to make your life better and love yourself enough to quit these toxic habits then it's possible.
I went to a rehab, where they were extremely good in information/groups. One day we spent learning about the brain, and how it works I relation to use, how it becomes addiction, and what happens during recovery
But I want you to know that the receptors that we burn out during use, so long and you haven’t burned them more than once(if you consider your brain fried theirs a good chance you may have) if you maintain 3 years sobriety from anything in that group of drugs(any that affect the same receptors) then the burnt receptors will actually create a new branch replacing that burnt receptor with TWO new ones.
After 3 years we actually have the potential to not only repair the damage we caused, but we would have the ability to be twice as efficient in communication, learning, problem solving etc etc
This gave me so much hope. You should give it a watch
Pleasure Unwoven is the name
https://www.amazon.com/Pleasure-Unwoven-Explanation-Disease-Addiction/dp/B003AC98V2
Russell Brand is a good start, his book "Recovery" and start watching his youtube videos help me. Oh and subscribe, the best videos aren't publicly posted
Plus you are luck as you are in the UK so you can maybe catch one of his shows. (Yes I'm jelly)
This might sound stupid but you should get some type of fidget spinner or fidget cube. Basically just put all of your anxiousness into that thing when it happens because you can't always have something to distract you at all times but you can with something like this. Go buy a Mobius Cube. I know it sounds kind of silly but I use these things every single day to help with my urges and stuff.
Infinity Cube 2 Pieces Fidget Cube Toy Stress Anxiety Relief for Adults and Kids Hand-Held Magic Puzzle Flip Cube Fidget Finger Toys Cube for ADD ADHD Killing Time Galaxy Space https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0912CHCXL/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_6KG9C4HS4T70T1Z9PVV4
Remove yourself from those people until you get your footing.
If you’re not big on drinking, can you pass on the those beverages for a while?
Did you get Alan carrs easy way to stop smoking yet ?! Keep it in your back pocket (literally). Pull it out during times of temptation and let people know you’re serious. If you’re on a mission, put that mission 1st!
Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615482155/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_FVTW4HF97Q5WB88KKRW3
Follow the instructions to a T on this flush. Follow exactly the timing and quantity of water. They sell this product online or in any health food store (think GNC etc). It will be enough to dilute your urine sample, which then buys you a few more days before the testing center will call you to take the test again. By then you’ll be testing clean from that low of an adderall dose. The detox drink helps to mask the flush by adding electrolytes, minerals, and vitamins back into your urine. Consider adding a b-12 vitamin for color.
https://www.amazon.com/Herbal-Clean-Qcarbo32-detoxify-supplementl/dp/B005VOZSP2
The Feeling Good Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_876EVFSS3XSTDM4SD85X?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 I agree that a finding a therapist who is trained in co-occurring disorders (has a SUDP certification in the US), would be the ideal first step.
This book helped me. Personally, I’ve seen addiction often as a mask for not knowing how to deal with uncomfortable feelings. It starts with fixing your own negative self talk. Good luck. I say you are ahead of the game because you have realized that you are operating in a pattern, this is the first step towards change! You can do this.
> Does this ever go away?
I have found meditation helpful for this.
But also relevant is the old cliché about how one is supposed to "stop thinking" in meditation: I remember asking my teacher who had been meditating for decades whether thoughts eventually stop, did she even have less thoughts?
"Not less, but less important".
Similarly with addictive thoughts - I (just recovering from my first relapse in 6 years) have found that they do not go away - but they gradually became less and less important over 5 years.
In the last year I started taking them more seriously again. It was just research - what does the scientific literature actually say, is it actually a disease, did you ever notice AA has christian bits, ... - because I'm a kinda scientific guy who loves an argument. To be honest it didn't really seem directly connected with me, it was "just ideas" which are "important in modern society", blah, blah.
But I took them seriously, forgetting the lessons of mediation to "just let them go", and went back using.
> Fairly often, every few days
I would think this is of minor consequence, but would worry about your "stare really hard". I'd suggest working on that here
You love games, that isn't bad on it's own. If you really want you can try finding new hobbies to fill up your time. Time-management for getting schoolwork and such done is always a big question but you can find some tools to help you with that with a bit of searching (I am very bad at it, I can't really give advice...).
One thing you could do is play around in Unity ( http://unity3d.com/ ) and the like, learn about all that goes into making games, I guarantee it will be super useful down the road. Try to turn your addiction into a learning experience...
But be easy! Nobody expects you to do anything but play games at your age!
I started playing when I was 2 years old and it was a great way to connect with friends, when my parents told us to go play outside we role-played our favorite games until 6pm when we were allowed back in to play games ;)
When I was your age I was deep into social media (IRC mainly) and went to LAN parties around the country playing in clans with friends, I consider it one of the peak moments of my life but yes it did eat into my scholastic achievement but don't worry I'm certain that if you really want to prioritize school you will be able to figure out some way to do it.
If school really worries you try this: go somewhere where you are free from distractions, like a library, bring your homework and materials and just tell yourself to stay there for a set time and try to get into a rhythm of doing it. You have to think about yourself as a kind of animal that you manage like in a management game and don't feel bad if you occasionally do stupid things and fail but try to instead of willing yourself to become someway just try to create an environment for yourself which enables you to do the good things you want to do and where doing the bad things is harder.
She will need many warm baths and showers, water, soup, vitamins and sunshine if possible (vitamin D). She will not have ability to exercise but walks if possible.
The most important thing is mental and spiritual support. I run a daily meeting, dm me if interested or we can chat
Truth will set you free and your post did just that. As another reddit user stated trust in God. Pray, feel, cry, communicate, connect, love yourself.
I run a daily sobriety meeting if interested DM me.
I also do one to one chats - my thjng was pain killers over 10y ago but I know what it’s like to be a slave to drugs and how I got on the other side (Grace of God)
Hit me up if you want to chat
The opportunities are endless think about what cool things you can do differently / learn / build businesses / start new hobby etc.
Or do like me and hold shame- not necessary. I forgave myself eventually but hardest thing was ditching my great friends nothing against them, just my journey.
If u need an ear or interested in daily zoom meetings dm me. Nice work and congrats on your successes!!
I have virtual meetings I can send you the links just dm me. Good luck. I also do personal meetings from a place of compassion (ex addict 10y sober). God bless
I am a 10Y recovered oxy and can addict. All I can say is I feel for you and reassure you that you can regain your free will. Would love to lend an ear anytime. I also have an AA meeting every day 305 eastern. If that’s something your interested in dm me. 🙏
I was the addict 10+ years ago and was given sobriety by the Grace of God, but God's Grace was also transmitted to me through people like you - people who love and care for their family members.
As there is no clear answer, I have these discussions often from a place of experience and compassion and would be happy to chat. Prayers to you and your family.
First off congrats on 90 days. Keep focused and if you ever feel the need to connect to some virtual meetings or just chat, I am here as I have also suffered from oxy addiction in 2009. Blessed to be able to say I do not want very think about it anymore. Thank God.
I feel for you. I am 10 years sober by the grace of God and specialize in consulting and connecting people in need to a sober network (through online daily zoom meetings as well as sober friendships).
If you or him are willing to chat I would be happy to lend an ear or share my experience. Stay strong. May God’s grace extend upon this powerful addiction and bring truth and contentment to your lives. 🙏
Well that's good ... do you have interests outside of gaming? Did you ever try meetup.com? They have hiking groups, biking groups, board game groups ... any one thing might lead to a whole new facet to life.
- Shut down the phone at bedtime every day
- Don't take the phone to the bedroom.
- Do some reading with Kindle. This is a good way to fall asleep soon.
- Drink some milk.
- Use some apps to set the daily usage time for your device. For instance, you can set to block these nosed used apps at 10 pm. And they will be automatically unblocked the next day.
All these tips help you develop a healthy sleep habit. Try to make it become your second nature.
Hi! What's the operating system of your cellphone? Which application takes up most of the time? Now iPhone provides the built-in screen time limit feature. You can use this feature to set the daily usage time for apps. It will be a good way to cure phone addiction.
If you are using an Android phone, you also have a way to deal with this issue. Google has launched a digital wellbeing app on pixel Android 9 to curb children's phone addiction. In the future, it will be supported in more Android devices.
You can also try some third-party apps to limit screen on iPhone and Android , such as iKeyMonitor. This app not only limits screen time but also blocks specific time when the maximum time reaches.
Ask your spouse to focus on real life, and have more communication with you and other family members. Tell her that you want to be cared for. If necessary, ask her to set a daily usage time for apps such as Reddit on her phone. When the daily usage time is up, the app will be blocked. It will be automatically unblocked next day. It's necessary to balance the time in the virtual world and reality.
- Categorize these apps and filter the apps which take up too much time. Uninstall the unnecessary apps and games, only keep the useful ones.
- Do some reading every day to broaden the mind.
- Take enough exercise every week.
- Switch the phone mode to fly mode before going to bed.
- Set the limited usage time for the most used apps, such as Facebook, Twitter, Reddit. In the beginning, you may feel compelled and uncomfortable to do this. After some time, you will get used to it and overcome the phone addiction naturally. You can also refer to some app blocker such as iKeyMonitor to set the daily usage time for these apps. It may help you build up self-discipline well.
​
Good luck to you!
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White AA has been the "gold" standard in substance abuse treatment for the last 50 years, personally, in MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, found AA to be damaging and more harmful than helpful. It was only recently that my own beliefs were brought before a national audience. This happened when the group behind St. Jude (Saint of hopelessness) released a truly BOLD and groundbreaking book, podcast and YouTube series called "The Freedom Model - Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap". Although to most addiction professionals this book may be hard to believe at first, it's numerous references in the books multiple appendices, DO provide scientific evidence backing every claim they make. AA has a success rate of less than 20%, clearly things have changed since a a's beginning 50 years ago. Please Google the book and just read the paragraph of its description! Or go a bit further and read the tons of reviews of those who bought and read it.
Here's the link, may God grant you the power and mindset to overcome
34/m here. I started smoking when I was 15 or 16 also, and then smoked multiple times per day until I was around 30. Then I quit for 3 months and figured I could smoke again, but I thought for sure I'd never go back to smoking every day. I managed to smoke a lot less, like once a week, or once a month, but I would eventually fall back into smoking every day until I realized I needed to stop again. This cycle happened multiple times.
That went on for like 4 years until last summer when I joined a 7 week online addiction recovery group. The fact that I made a financial commitment to something for a set amount of time and had some peer accountability made a huge difference. It's been 9 months since I stopped, with 1 relapse 6 months in. What I noticed after I smoked again after the 6 month break was that the desire to smoke came back and took another month or two to fade away again.
I highly recommend joining a group. Humans are meant to be social animals and social disconnection is a big part of why a lot of people use substances to escape. Stopping smoking with a group of people is so much easier than doing it alone. When you're alone, no one is watching, no one will every know if you decide to smoke or not. If you are part of a group, you know that you will probably have to admit you smoked to these people and it helps with motivation.
This book, which is also on Audible, was also a big help:
https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Way-Mindfulness-anxiety-Easyway/dp/1788283791
For you, stopping smoking is the path of courage. Commit to something like 2 months sober, it gets a lot easier after that. But if you just commit to 2 months, that can seem doable, instead of saying I'm never going to smoke again. Just 2 months, then re evaluate and see if things are better or not.
Okay so, incremental improvement is the way to go here. Depending on the severity of your addiction and the context of your situation I would tell you not to cut out sugar entirely because in my experience this sets people up for failure. My advice would be to look for healthy options which will give your body time to adjust in the large change in diet. I personally found success in cutting out buying forms of sugar from the grocery store processed stuff like candy and ice cream. A big part of the battle is won by just not having it in the house. The idea here though as I said is to have a healthier option with some sugar, my personal favorite is lenny and larry's chocolate donut cookies. These are all vegan, high protein, and relatively low sugar - and they taste really good, but not so good that you want to eat 3 of them. Here is a link to them on Amazon. I have been through this if you want to talk about your situation further feel free to PM me. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07MKLKJFY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_AGJ9EZTAJ3V4GEQQJ14B
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
This app helped me through some very difficult times in my addiction recovery period and its fully active all time . It has even certified instructors to guide us and we can make a whole lot of friends. Do check out this app on play store : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
With a good group of supportive friends and qualified instructors you can also change your life around. Try out
Buda - Anonymous chat
from playstore to find interesting group chats , remedies and more about addiction , withdrawal etc
It is our new initiate hope everyone would try it out and support us !!
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
Good friends are hard to find but
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
Here's a group that you could chat anonymously addiction , depression , withdrawl . You'll find a lot of good people here to talk to .
Better be more active always!!
Be more social , add more friends to life and just live And everything will be okay
For free therapy sessions group discussions just join this app
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
Try to be active more and do yoga!! You can do it!
For tips and advices from experts do install this app . Its an anonymous chating app that help you through your withdrawals by sharing your feeling with people including certified instructors.
Always stay active and do yoga , it helped me!!
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
Always stay active and do yoga , it helped me!!
You could also install this free application to get free advises and tips from health experts.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.yourcompany.Buda
Np! It's a hard read, but once you get into it, it's amazing. Here it is on Amazon:
Oh, yes!
Sorry!
We are configuring our server right now to accomodate the new web site of www.darksecretsofcaffeine.com that it'll be soon operational.
Right now we only have Amazon product page
I see great sugesstions here, and following through on these will really help. I want to share what helped me in a situation like this, and that was to limit my social media usage. Seeing carefully curated snapshots of people's lives intended to reflect the best there is, did affect my sense of self worth quite adversely. I used this app to get control over that and this actually works. You can try this out and also recommend it to your friends who might need it, just like I did.
I'm 30 now and stopped smoking over 6 years ago. I haven't had any cravings or moments where I would go back to it, the thought of it actually repulses me on how silly the addiction is.
I had no health issues, just an annoying cough and social pressure in my 20s that I was happily burying my head in the sand about. It was completely my decision for myself.
I stopped using Allen Carr's Easy Way which unravels all the brainwashing that we addicts believed to be true, that ourselves and society built up to believe ever since someone decided to roll up tobacco and light it.
You don't need to spend much money at all or have therapy the book here is all you need to stop. It comes in audio form too and has been successful internationally.
I celebrate every year with a Facebook post to my close friends and family on how I stopped and praise Allen Carr on his method.
Stopping smoking shouldn't be difficult and you shouldn't be miserable. You simply just need to understand what it's really doing to you.
One of my favourite quotes from the book on how he describes his method is "if I told you the earth was flat, you wouldn't believe me" - interpreting as, once you see smoking addiction for all its misery, you can't go back to a world where you think it helps you.
>seems to just go around in circles instead of moving forward
Look into Radical Acceptance. It's helped me tremendously. It's basically about accepting every single aspect of reality as it is, whether you like it or not. This gives you the mental space to decide what to do about your situation instead of chasing your tail all day. I recommend getting this book.
>Do you have any tips on addiction how to not have bad or want bad ones?
Look for local support groups. Sitting and talking with people who can share similar experiences and offer support is one of the best things you can do to get yourself on an even keel.
>1 single reply makes me feel less alone
I do this Buddhist meditation when I feel like I'm alone.
- Breathe in slowly while thinking about all the pain of people suffering around the world with addiction.
- Hold your breath while counting to five.
- Breathe out slowly while sending your compassion and love to them all.
- Hold your breath again for five seconds.
- Repeat.
I hope this helps. I wish you the absolute best.
This book helped me understand that I don't need to try to escape my suffering.
I no longer daydream about an ideal fantasy situation in which I could be content and at peace. I choose to be content and at peace with the way things are now.
I wish you the absolute best.
"It is a misuse of our power to take responsibility for solving problems that belong to others" - Peter Block
It took me a very long time, and a ridiculous amount of pain, to learn that a healthy relationship is mutually supportive, not co-dependent.
Like the song says, "Everybody's gotta learn sometime". The most supportive thing you can do for your partner is allow him to learn that his problems are his alone to solve.
Try to be mindful and focus on the present moment without panicking about an imaginary nightmare future or ruminating about the past. Deal with things as they come.
>Is there something someone said to you that changed your outlook on life?
This book changed who I am. I think it would help you a lot too.
Best wishes.
Possibly worth reading:
The vast majority of the addicts I have encountered in the past 35 years in various 12 Step programs, as well as in several treatment facilities that ran the gamut from Betty Ford, The Meadows and Sierra Tucson (not kidding) to several last-house-on-the-block deals like Panorama Ranch, Whitewater and Gabor Mate's place in skid row Vancouver, have Very Good Reasons for numbing their undigested and undischarged emotions.
The same reasons in many cases that their siblings feel uneasy around them years or even decades after the addict gets C&S.
Do you have a therapist that you can talk to help you work through these feelings, ideally someone specializing in trauma and/or substance abuse? I was pretty resistant to pursuing therapy and just stuck to meds for my depression/adhd for way too long. Finding a counselor I can trust that really gets me has been a huge game changer for turning my mental health around. I also really recommend reading the book Healing the Shame That Binds You
Looking over the website, their approach to addiction bears some striking resemblances to what you find in Rational Recovery. For instance, they share the idea that education is what ‘addicts’ need; not “treatment” and “support.”
For what it’s worth, Rational Recovery taught me what I needed to know in order to stay sober & gave me power over my addiction.
I don’t think there’s any “Kool Aid” on offer here.
I recommend Rational Recovery, a book that teaches you a skill called AVRT—Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.
Your partner may not be interested in quitting smoking weed. He might be calling himself an “addict” because embracing the “addict” label facilitates continued weed-smoking.
How does labelling yourself an “addict” facilitate continued weed-smoking?
Most people have the misconception that “addiction” is a problem that people are inflicted with. They understand addiction to be a “brain disease that makes you do drugs.” If you embrace the “addict” label, and the people around you believe that you have a brain disease that makes you do drugs, they are likely to be more sympathetic & accepting of your continued drug use.
In reality, addiction is a self-inflicted problem. It is not a brain disease that makes you do drugs; there is no such thing, and (in my experience) this false understanding of addiction promotes continued use more than it has ever helped anyone get sober.
If I was in your situation, I would decide how much weed-smoking I’m willing to tolerate in my partner. Maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship with a pothead. In that case, simply tell your partner: “I do not want to be in a relationship with a pothead. Quit smoking marijuana, permanently, or we’re through.” Then it’s his choice. He can make the choice to quit permanently, using the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.
First, understand that the “problem” you described here only exists because you have created it in your own mind. And, frankly, it’s nonsense.
Take responsibility for your actions. You’re not “possessed” by anything. You drive home from work, and you have made a habit of choosing to buy beer/cigarettes. You go home & choose to get drunk, because it’s enjoyable.
Then you feel guilty, because you have an addiction. “Addiction” is when part of you wants to intoxicate yourself, and another part of you realizes that it’s a bad choice to intoxicate yourself.
There is absolutely nothing forcing you to buy alcohol. You’re making a choice. There is absolutely nothing forcing you to drink alcohol. You’re choosing to do it. You are voluntarily choosing to obey the part of your brain that says, “Let’s get drunk.”
That part of your brain has no power over your body. Seriously. It can’t make you do anything, let alone drive to the liquor store, buy liquor, put the liquor in your car, go home, open the bottle, get a glass, drink the liquor. Sorry.
And in case you want to say, “You’re not an addict, you don’t understand!!!” Here’s my resume: I drank so heavily for so long that I had to be hospitalized when I quit. Been addicted to crack, meth. Benzodiazepines. Spent over a year of my life in residential rehab programs. Been to 12,000,000 Meetings.
Reading this book was a game-changer for me. I suggest you read it. But that’s just my suggestion.
Not everyone is a Christian. This book is wonderful, whether you are Christian or not. You can check it out on Amazon to see if it might help in this situation.
Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AG0BRCE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_MDn0CbP08A6RP
A good primer for understanding what addiction is: https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Brain-Revolutionary-Understanding-Addiction/dp/1531889778
There are soooo many... but here are a few of my faves...
This is my fav book:
https://www.amazon.ca/Buddha-Walks-into-Bar-Generation/dp/1590309375/ref=nodl_
This is my fav video:
I am by no means an expert. I started with guided meditations and still do them. There are no rules for meditation. There are millions of videos on you tube so dive in! There’s probably a reddit community for it too lol
Awesome man, I really hope you do check it out when you're able to :) Here's the link to the book on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1525108760&sr=8-1&keywords=your+brain+on+porn
I get that, when I'm living in addiction I feel numb and crap, but the pain of the withdrawal can be worse. That feeling of relief when you wake up one day though and the withdrawal is gone after a good long streak is incredible. Sure, your brain might give you more withdrawal down the line but the general trend is that the withdrawals get weaker and less often, and you become more yourself until eventually you're in control and no longer bogged down! Best of wishes <3
You should consider checking out the book "The Power of Habit." Duhigg defines habits as having a trigger, an action and a reward. By changing the action that you do in response to the trigger, you can also change the reward and change your habitual behavior.
If you found this interesting, I would recommend reading The Power of Habit. It goes into a lot of the neuroscience behind habits and the "cue -> routine -> reward" loop.
What's even more interesting is that habits (cue -> routine -> reward) are stored in a different part of your brain from normal cognitive memory—an older, more primitive part of your brain.
That's why you can acknowledge on a cognitive level how bad the addiction is for you and how much you should quit it, etc., but you still give in.
You can't really eliminate the cues, they will be firmly ingrained. However, you can swap out the routine and reward, and that's how you can effectively change your habits.
Thoughts
> I just don't know what to do anymore so I want to ask what I can do to encourage him to get help and support him properly without enabling him, getting too involved, or making it worse for him.
My main book recommendation is:
If you'd like, you can also read:
If you'd like to try family therapy:
- You might want to look for someone in your state or province who can teach you how to do Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT).
Questions
> He used to be addicted to cocaine and adderall years ago
A) Is there any chance he might have adult ADHD? It's actually not rare at all among addicts.
> I told him multiple times he should seriously consider getting into rehab, therapy, or any other treatment that could help him.
B) How badly does he want to get these things?
> I know all addicts 'feel good' when they get what they are addicted to.
Then you know nothing, Jon Snow. It may start out that way, but it stops working and when it does, that's when the bad things happen. If the drugs always worked like they first did, not many people would stop.
Anyways, if you want something kinda science textbooky try The Addicted Brain.
You should consider checking out the book "The Power of Habit." Duhigg defines habits as having a trigger, an action and a reward. By changing the action that you do in response to the trigger, you can also change the reward and change your habitual behavior.
I am currently reading for the second time Dr. Mate's "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction" That is a must read if you struggle at least for me, if you are struggling with addiction.
He has a lot of lectures on YT as well and for those of you who cant afford to by the book its available in the trackers.
Sorry to be so blunt but that stuck out to me. Another option besides nar-anon, which is a good option, is to find a professional who does Community Reinforcement and Family Therapy (CRAFT). There's a book too - I have no financial ties to these people; I just think it's a good approach for people who want something different than the 12-step stuff. Here's the link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Loved-One-Sober/dp/1592850812/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51x%2BjUuTrVL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR102%2C160_&refRID=15CF19FP801AR1607VPA
I think you may have had problems because the link I gave was for the US store.
Here's the UK link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0184CLL6W
If you can't access it there, let me know and i will compile an epub version for you.
Thanks,
This book is a good one for you as it talks about all types of addictions including weed, overeating and sex addiction and just the whole 'addictive lifestyle' that many people, including "high functioning" ones get into.
I echo what other posters have said about you actually not being "mentally stable". As high functioning as your life seems now, your wife could conceivably find you out at any moment and your stable marriage and access to your son crumble overnight. You are taking enormous risks. Let me know if you need resources for sex addiction.
I enjoyed reading Noah Levine's Dharma Punx -the story of how he kicked drugs using meditation -- so much that I've been listening to his 'Against The Stream' dharma talks for years. He's stayed clean now for 20 years. Apparently people in his community have started an alt (or addition) to AA called RefugeRecovery that aims to help people deal with their addictions via buddhism/meditation. It's early days but there might be a group in your area.
I really liked Change Anything. It has a lot of useful science behind it for ways to change your life. Of course, I haven't followed it long-term, but it was interesting.
http://www.amazon.com/Change-Anything-Science-Personal-Success/dp/0446573906
Chest pains? That's terrifying. Use a habit app, like Loop - Habit Tracker for Android. It's more addicting when it comes to tracking how well you abstain from a given activity every day (in this case, eating fast food).
At the very worst, at least think more about your wallet. The only time you should ever eat out is either if you have a coupon or with friends. Maybe /r/EatCheapAndHealthy can help you out in cutting down the cravings. Remember, fast food is designed to make you keep coming back. Find food to make at home that resembles it, and go gradually healthier and healthier from there.