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The reality is that our culture has separated intimacy from sex and sex is a minor part of intimacy. The problem is that you are designed with a need for intimacy, and when the culture says the only way to get intimacy is through sex, you are left feeling left out. The reality is there are 4 types of intimacy; intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and physical. Sex is only a minor part of physical intimacy.
If you want to find out a lot more about this subject please read https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Levels-Intimacy-Matthew-Kelly/dp/1942611420/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1546528475&sr=8-1&keywords=7+levels+of+intimacy+matthew+kelly
That said my suggestion is that you find a mentor because a mentor is the best place for a single guy to practice intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. Once those three things are developed you will not feel left out.
The short answer is prayer and penance.
Prayer: Try to set God always before your mind. Your mind has been corrupted and only by inviting Him in can it be purified. Also, ask Him for the grace of purification of the memory, as those images you have seen will often be brought into your mind to tempt you. You should also IMMEDIATELY pray anytime you feel even the SLIGHTEST temptation. Become like a baby that cries for their parent at even the smallest disturbance. God doesn't mind, in fact, He wants us to become dependent on Him like little children.
Penance: Basically, porn makes your will very soft and weak, whereas doing penances, even small ones, is like weight lifting for your will. Eat smaller portions /skip meals, eat things you don't like or deny yourself food that you do like, take a cold shower in the morning, cut out or minimize TV / video games, put a pebble in your shoe, make yourself get out of bed instead of snoozing in the morning, etc.. Especially do these things whenever the temptations become strong. Slap yourself in the face if you have to. You need to form the resolve RIGHT NOW that you would rather DIE before falling into sin, because, truthfully, death is a more preferrable thing.
If you are interested in further reading, I would STRONGLY recommend this book: Clean of Heart: Overcoming Habitual Sins Against Purity https://www.amazon.com/dp/1507617518/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_67WQDb1CF8HE4
He needs loving help. Is there a Celebrate Recovery in your area? He will need your support and encouragement to heal.
Libido has nothing to do with it. He is getting sexual gratification from someone other than his wife. I also recommend the book, "Every man's battle" by Stephen Arterburn, https://www.amazon.com/Every-Mans-Battle-Winning-Temptation/dp/0307457974
God bless! You can PM me or my wife if you desire.
That's awesome bro, our relationship changes everything. Beauty, chemistry sexuality all God's idea. And God is Good, he's not after our begrudging submission but our long term joy.
Doing a series of shows on the trifecta of human motivation...
The secular world sees masturbation as something that is so natural it must be healthy. The Bible says he who commits sexual sin is sinning against their own body (1 Cor. 6:18). I can tell you based on my own experience I am much more inclined to believe the latter!
We’ve all heard of the study supposedly linking masturbation to lower prostate cancer risk but dig a little deeper and you’ll see this connection was only ever weak at best. Plus some of the more recent studies are actually linking masturbation in younger men to a greater risk of prostate cancer!
https://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/news/20090127/masturbation-and-prostate-cancer-risk
The fact is we need to choose between a secular approach to what’s healthy or trusting God that He knows what is best for your body.
With regards to your friends approach of ‘cutting down’ I can tell you (again from my own experience) that this will most likely fail. This approach may work for addictions to drugs that result in physical dependency ie where the body experiences negative physical withdrawal symptoms. But in one such as this where the physical effects of withdrawal are only ever positive all your friend is doing is reinforcing those dopamine pathways, taking a step back towards full blown addiction and losing any benefits that may have come from a week free.
I am praying for you brother. I hope you are able to develop those deeper social connections, it is indeed a fundamental human need. God bless you.
For anyone that wants to read through the Bible but aren’t GREAT at consistently reading.... I HIGHLY suggest trying the “Mission 119” app for iOS and android.
It lets you listen to the chapters for the day via audio then pastor Soper (sp?) reviews and adds extra details that are invaluable IMHO.
It takes 91 weeks total (I think) but if you follow it I’m sure you’ll see positive change in your life!
IOS https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mission-119/id620358385?mt=8
Android https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.mission119
GOD bless all and hopefully this helps someone! ❤️����
The sensation that nobody really knows us can be one of the most debilitating forms of loneliness, and is fostered by our unwillingness to reveal ourselves. The paradox that we want to be known and loved for who we are, but refuse to reveal ourselves because we are afraid of rejection, creates a tremendous loneliness in our lives.
It is here that we come full circle. We yearn for intimacy, we run from intimacy, we tell ourselves that we need to be free from emotional ties, but we end up in slavery of one sort or another.
Unwilling to participate in the rigors of intimacy, we try to fill the void created by the lack of intimacy in our lives, and thus are born our addictions. The bottomless pit that is created by the absence of intimacy demands to be fed, and if we refuse to feed it in a healthy way, we will find ourselves feeding it in ways that are self-destructive. Some try to fill the void with alcohol, others with shopping, some with drugs; others will fill it with unending series of short-term relationships, and in a culture that equates intimacy with sex an ever increasing number of people try to fill the void with sexual experiences. The result is a growing emptiness. Each of these is just a different attempt to fill the void created in our lives by a lack of genuine intimacy. All addictions are the result of trying to fill that void in an unhealthy way.
The Seven Levels of Intimacy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1942611420/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_AMrSBb8WPDM43
Friend first know that you are not alone in this struggle. We have all been in the same position as you are right now. Take comfort in that. Those same people, who have felt the same helplessness you are feeling right now have made it out through The Lord's power working in their lives.
It takes time. All you need to do is take it one step at a time. The Lord is not condemning you. A starting point is to reframe how you think. When we PMO we tend to look at everything in a negative light.
Let's flip it around and look at things positively. Give thanks for what you have, for God giving you another day to live, another day to repent and pour your heart, mind and soul into His Loving Hands. He is a nurturer. He desires to heal. Our sins (all the sins of the world - past, present and future) are but a tiny flame enveloped in the ocean of His Love.
"God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime."
A starting point would be to read (on top of the Bible and other edifying Christians sources) 1) Think and Grow Rich 2) The Beginners Guide to Wealth
These books are more about mindset and perspective and how that leads to wealth. As Christians we can apply the concepts in these books to our faith.
Hope this helps, praying for you
I actually have a podcast episode on this very topic :D If there is anything I want to encourage you in it's this-when you think of God, talk to him. There is no pressure, Jesus took the test and you got an A! God is with you and you are with him. So don't think you are bad or unspiritual because you don't think of him 24/7. Once you start talking to him when you think of him, and that will build the intimacy. Remember, you GET to walk with God, you don't have to! Meaning, it's a privilege, not a chore :)
Great posts man, I actually used it on the last podcast. Doing a series of shows on the trifecta of human motivation. Working to get more people involved in this community as well. The power of sharing our struggles, confessions and living in the light here is awsome. My name is Russ Shaw and I experienced far more grace and life then I deserve. sexual addiction/ compulsion just about ruined my life and my family there is I do a podcast share my story, some resources and the glorious good news of the gospel that has made living in freedom day by the glory of God. Asi247.org
I know the feeling man. Luke 7 has this really interesting story of Jesus and a prostitute. You see how Jesus relates to a broken, dirty sinner. There is so much compassion with Jesus.
You are loved and made right not because you’re good enough. But because of Jesus sacrificial death on the cross.
I talk about it here, it may help you. https://anchor.fm/josh-powell1/episodes/You-Are-the-Whore-e1sha2
I do not have an "iPhone" but I do understand the dilemma of having a smartphone all too well. There are some programs that can help like OpenDNS (https://www.opendns.com/). I hear Apple is one of the few companies with better parental control options. But since you mentioned that you are savvy when it comes to bypassing them. Perhaps it is better for you to simply rely more on practical methods.
Getting rid of your phone is a bit of an extreme option. But I guess you have to decide if the disadvantages outweigh the benefits of having one.
For me personally, I not only get tempted at night to look at porn, but just to waste time in general by watching Youtube videos or Anime when I should be sleeping. Before I go to bed I just drop my phone off in my parents room which even in my most desperate of moments I would not dare to enter to get my phone back during the night.
So you just have to brainstorm ways and ask help from God of how to avoid your phone. And eventually, as you mature in your faith, even with full access to porn you will find that you don't have a desire for it anymore. And you won't need to rely on workarounds so much anymore.
If you connect to the internet via Wifi, installing OpenDNS on your router should help. It's free and it can block porn on phones that way. Just make sure you find someone else to make the password and put in their email for the password recovery option. Otherwise it would be pointless having a porn blocking app if you could easily bypass it :)
K9 and OpenDNS used conjunction are the best option. And both are free. K9 is really effective on computers. And if you own a cell phone/smartphone that connects via wifi to the internet, OpenDNS on your router is also a good thing to have. As it blocks porn on phones. However, you definetly need someone else to keep the password for you. Unless maybe you use those randomly generated passwords. Because then no matter what site blocker you use, if you know the password, it kind of defeats the purpose of having one.
Here are the links to the one's I mentioned though:
On most Android phones, you can use the OpenDNS dns ips as a replacement for those offered by your phone provider, so you can get that added protection. I don't have a phone now that I can test any programs that do the same.
Also, an application called hostman in addition to host files from here have helped me on Windows.
https://github.com/StevenBlack/hosts
Linux and Mac have equivalent applications. You can also add this list to Ublock Origin, so if that works on Android Chrome or Firefox, that may be a solution. Host files have the added advantage in it prevents the computer from ever even looking up the site its blocking, which makes the response faster.
Android does have a host file, but I don't have any experience in how easy it is to modify them. A google search shows quite a few results that may help out, however.
Delete and block all apps that will tempt you, use this app for your desktop; https://www.covenanteyes.com/ https://getcoldturkey.com/
If you have to get someone to keep your devices and read the bible.
Also look at it like this, is a few seconds of pleasure worth 1-2 weeks of regret and shame?
Above all pray, pray,pray.
You can do this!
I'm saying that if we didn't watch porn I think it would be fine, but since we've hot wired them together it's not a good idea and seldom have I seen in myself or others any success without giving up both. Porn is a Sin, masturbation alone is not.
Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson would be a good resource for learning about the science and the plethora of experiences behind these claims
This is the link, have fun and happy holidays!
​
Since I haven’t seen this book recommended yet I feel like this would be an excellent resource for you both. I’m working through this myself and I’ll be going over it again with my wife once I finish.
The Way to Love Your Wife: Creating Greater Love and Passion in the Bedroom (Focus on the Family Books) https://www.amazon.com/dp/158997445X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_wxy6BbA3YHJ1A
If you want to know what it’s like for a guy to struggle with lust pick this one up as well.
Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307457974/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9zy6BbJR8SQX5
I would also like to say that you shouldn’t have much to worry about. If your boyfriend is being honest with you about his struggles and if he really wants to get better then he WILL understand when you say you’re not comfortable doing something that he wants to do, wether it’s an idea from porn or not. If you both read the first book together and take notes, discuss personally important chapters, and find a marriage councilor, then you’re setting yourselves up for success.
Ps. I think there’s a companion book for women (for both books) but if I link to to many books someone will start thinking I work for amazon... 😇
Welcome brother, glad to have you! If you guys want, there's an online form that has an app with it called Rewire Companion. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=spidersdiligence.com.habitcontrol
Unfortunately, it is only for the Android at the moment, but they've been working on the iPhone version, I think you can still use their online site regardless. The biggest difference is that it counts your streak for you. I've posted the same challenge there, so if you're able to download that, you're welcome to follow me there as well, ok continue to post encouragement, prayer and updates to both it and Reddit. Additionally, there are a couple of brothers on it that have accepted the challenge as well!
If you want the online site you can find it here https://rewirecompanion.com God Bless!
Hey man, a lot of NF Christians have given great advice, so I thought I'd just make some recommendations - the books
1) Think and Grow Rich 2) The Beginner's Guide to Wealth
I made a post a few hours ago about them and they are really helpful (even if they are secular - they have principles that be can applied to a Christian life).
it's a type of OCD that sounds very close to what you're going through. you can practice OCD coping strategies for this specific type of OCD. This book covers the OCD in great detail + gives you strategies to overcome these thoughts. https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1684035635
By Christ’s strength I know you can do this. Pray without ceasing, resist the devil and he will flee from you. Also found the IronWill app to be helpful in tracking your progress. I’ll link it here. I’ll be praying for you.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/iron-will-quit-your-addiction/id1527861145
I've been using this brainbuddy app https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.brainbuddy.android nothing else seemed to be working for me and I found this app and have been 49 days without porn and counting. Haven't lapsed once sense starting it.
I really think Dr. Anna Lembke's book Dopamine Nation might put some of the emotional swings and struggles in perspective.
She's brilliant, and so easy to read.
I advise you to read Everyman's Battle it's a Christian book about the struggles of porn and lust it has helped me on my journey https://www.amazon.com/Every-Mans-Battle-Winning-Temptation/dp/0307457974
That hopelessness is the dark one lying to you.
I would recommend a daily devotional PROVEN.
here's the link 12-Week Workbook Study to a Proven Path to Sexual Integrity; Help with porn, lust, masturbation or sex addiction from a Biblical perspective https://www.amazon.com/dp/1940011124/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_M5C6JJ1YS8MVC0HXTBW0
It takes about 45 min a day
“A life balanced with rest and enjoyment” ...
“It’s an activity that if you neglected you’d be neglecting God’s design and it would have negative health consequences.” ...
So by your definition, masturbation (without porn) would not be a sin. https://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/ejaculation-prostate-cancer-risk
FYI I do believe it’s great if anyone wants to not masturbate permanently for many reasons. I think this is a case where you have to decide for yourself if it’s a sin. If you do it in a healthy way and feel it doesn’t mess up your spiritual life, it’s not a sin. If it does mess up your spiritual life in some way, then be monk-like and don’t do it.
I'd recommend all Clerics take Spiritual Weapon because it doesn't require your concentration and 1d8+Spellcasting modifier is amazing. I run a Wisdom based Trickery Cleric and getting an extra 1d8+4 as a bonus every turn really racks up the damage. Wouldn't recommend upcasting beyond a 4th level spell slot, any higher and you will usually get more efficient spells.
EDIT: I am making a DnD joke since the picture used is a knight fighting a dragon. Kinda felt appropriate, to me.
Unlimited Grace: The Heart Chemistry That Frees My heart breaks for you. This book helped me a lot, I know it can do the same for you.
from Sin and Fuels the Christian Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1433552310/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_MQ9K20X2W99PB0KFWWTG
Be Broken Ministries Secrets-Audiobook
There's lots of stuff. A lot of family programs regularly have shows about sexual purity like James Dobson's Family Talk, Focus on the Family, Family Life Today, Boundless (for singles). Check any of their sights and look for books on sexuality porn and addiction.
As God’s sheep, you hear his voice. It’s just a matter of learning to recognize it that’s all. Prayer is more than just asking for things though, it’s intimacy with God-it’s getting to know him and being taught by him. It’s an amazing journey and one Jesus paid a high price for us to have with God.
I do have this podcast episode on hearing God if you think it might be helpful. It’s just stuff that God taught me over the years.
New podcast is up now bro. Thanks again for inspiring some thoughts on the topic, you rock! I'll praying for your continued progress on your journey of sexual integrity. http://www.stitcher.com/s?eid=36047699&refid=asa
SafeDNS is a good alternative to OpenDNS. We provide a cloud web filtering service which you can set on any web-connected device, including your home WiFi router. The service is especially good at filtering out porn and adult content. According to the 2018 test results by AV-Comparatives, a test lab, SafeDNS blocks 98.3% of requests to adult content.
OpenDNS is set as the DNS server on your computer/mobile and/or better your router (A DNS translates a url (an website name to type in or is in a link) and translates it into an IP address (numbers) so that the internet knows where to get the information).
OpenDNS standard blocks porn sites, but can block many other things. Look up https://www.opendns.com/home-internet-security/
https://www.opendns.com/ this is the OpenDNS website, you will have to set up the DNS via your routers settings if you want to block all devices connected to it; as this way it will only block adult content directly from your PC and nothing else.
As far as practical solutions, try using OpenDNS on your router. The link is to the basic blocking settings but you can configure it more specifically using this
Then, switch your router password and give it to someone else or throw it out. It's not a perfect solution but it adds one hurdle to relapse.
I don't know your confidence level with computers, but if you are working on Website Restrictions then I would recommend setting up an account on https://www.opendns.com/ they allow you to pipe through them on your home wifi (setup on the router) and you can setup your laptop, phone, and tablet to go through them as well.
On your account, you can setup exactly what to block. There are also Google search settings that can be setup and I believe that Bing search actually has a separation that helps to keep out adult results.
I'm currently returning the fervor to abstain, but those things helped be in the past when my habits caused strain on my marriage. If you must make a conscious effort to circumvent the things that you set in place then it gives you a better opportunity to pause and reflect on what you are doing.
Having a porn blocker isn't a permanent solution to a porn addiction, but it can certainly help.
If you connect to the internet via Wifi, installing OpenDNS on your router should help. It's free and it can block porn on phones that way. Just make sure you find someone else to make the password and put in their email for the password recovery option. Otherwise it would be pointless having a porn blocking app if you could easily bypass it :)
If you connect to the internet via Wifi, installing OpenDNS on your router should help. It's free and it can block porn on phones that way. Just make sure you find someone else to make the password and put in their email for the password recovery option. Otherwise it would be pointless having a porn blocking app if you could easily bypass it :)
Well once you already get the urges, there are other things that should be done. But since you asked for means of prevention I'll mention some good filters and techniques.
K9 and OpenDNS used in conjunction are the best option. And both are free. K9 is really effective on computers. And if you own a cell phone/smartphone that connects via wifi to the internet, OpenDNS on your router is also a good thing to have. As it blocks porn on phones. However, you definitely need someone else to keep the password for you. Because then no matter what site blocker you use, if you know the password, it kind of defeats the purpose of having one.
Here are the links to the one's I mentioned though:
http://www1.k9webprotection.com/
--> As for the specific issue of porn on reddit. I personally just custom blocked imgur.com using OpenDNS. That way pretty much 99% of porn on reddit is blocked, and I waste a lot less time on the site flipping through cat memes :P
How do you access porn on your phone? Through wifi (home or outside?) or data?
If you find yourself accessing it from home via wifi, you can install OpenDNS on your Router to block porn on your phone. It's free and can be downloaded from the internet. Be sure though to get someone else to put in the password and use their email for the password recovery option. Otherwise having blocking software would be kind of pointless if you can disable it whenever you feel like it :)
Anyways here's the link if you're interested:
EDIT: PM me if you have any questions about it.
That's good. For the K9, do you have someone else keep the password for you, as that is also an important step to make.
For the Kindle Fire issue. Do you use that to connect to a router via wifi? In which case its also good to download OpenDNS to your router, which is free and helps to block porn on mobile devices.
If you're browsing Reddit on a computer install Reddit Enhancement Suite. It is able to block nsfw posts. And you can edit your hosts file to block porn (and adware/malware) https://github.com/StevenBlack/hosts
This option costs $30 and 3 hours, but after you set it up it will work for all devices in your house.
If you don't want to do that, try going to your PS4 network settings, and change your DNS settings in ways [described here](opendns.com/) I've never used OpenDNS and I don't own a PS4, so it's possible that this won't work.
What I do is place a website blocker on my web browser for my computer:
I use one called: Blocksite
For my phone (android) I use: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.stayfocused
This app lets you block specific apps on your phone As well as websites
There are no methods that work 100% because as an addict you WILL find a way around it
What you really gotta work on is your thought life You need God constantly
So most importantly reading the word of God, and prayer
God will always lead you to victory
Trust in him
Watch this vid on the victorious christian life: https://youtu.be/c8VKlIP55WA
Interesting, I have a NIV Bible that has some factoids and pictures to it which I find helpful, I bought it from amazon. Imo, the pics help to bring the word alive and make it more understandable and enjoyable.
I also bought the related "most fascinating people, events and places from the Bible." Another picture and factoids booklet.
I take my sweet time reading as oposed to rushing, so i suggest taking it slow and if you dont understand a verse, search more info on it.
When I do finish a book from the Bible, I like to watch the youtube summaries from the Bible Project channel:
https://m.youtube.com/user/jointhebibleproject
They really do a great job, check them out!
All in all, it's important to read on God's word and I do agree that Leviticus-numbers-Deuteronomy are very confusing and were hard to get thru, lol. The New Testament is where we should focus the most (Jesus teachings) but its even better to know all of it, I'm currency on 1 Samuel and proverbs, so I take forever to read it, hehe.
It’s actually not a pdf but a book. I bought it through the Apple book store but it’s available elsewhere. Here’s the link to Amazon where you can read the description and also a sample. https://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Sexual-Brokenness-Reveals-Healing/dp/1631466720. I’ve really enjoyed it so far.
It'll help if you try finding some productive activities that you genuinely enjoy, this should help keep your mind away from the temptations and urges. Downloading a porn blocker can also really help, BlockerX played a big role in my recovery. Other than this just have strong willpower and believe in yourself. Good luck!
all the best, brother. sometimes, all we need is checks in place to ensure that we aren't able watch when the devilish urge charges upon us. What I do is that I have installed a web filter on my phone to ensure I can't watch it even if I wanted to. Do reach out if you need any help.
I just hope I won’t have to cancel my NordVPN subscription just to use Covenant Eyes on PC, which I use to keep some privacy on the Internet; because while the Internet can be good if used properly and not to view porn, it’s full of trackers. I have tracker blockers on my browsers, but I want to still be able to keep NordVPN for when I use Google products such as YouTube; since Google is the biggest data collector and tracker along with Facebook. I quit Facebook (and other social media’s) and I switched from the Google Drive Suite to Microsoft’s Suite of products for school. But I still use YouTube for multiple important things in my life; such as learning programming and computer science. I hope the Covenant Eyes PC service won’t make me have to drop my privacy protecting VPN. Although my iPhone is letting me run both the Covenant Eyes and NordVPN VPN; so maybe I won’t have to worry.
Check out the book Unwanted By Jay Stringer. The most insightful book(other than the Bible) that I have ever read.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1631466720/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_IpfjFbZQDQ3BX
Stringer is a Christian therapist who specializes in unwanted sexual behavior.
I can't speak more highly of Jay Stringer's book, Unwanted. Seriously has changed how I go about battling this addiction. I bought the audio book and have listened to it at least 4-5 times.
It is a free app and could be upgraded if needed. I use upgraded version. It give you trophies etc.. when you reach milestones, notifications and motivational quotes among others. Anything that helps :-)
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.despdev.quitzilla&hl=en
This was exactly my experience about a year back. I helplessly surrendered to Jesus and asked him to show me the path. Surrendering brought an immense sense of relief in myself as I no longer felt bad for myself. I knew that God was with me and would guide me through this. I also started meditating everyday to be able to connect to God (using the app headspace). I also started focusing on giving my best and not worrying too much about the progress I was making (in terms of no. of days off porn etc.).
This helped me a lot and I've been improving continuously by believing in his strength and giving in my best and not worrying about the rest. Also, this porn de-addiction app was very helpful to me in staying on course and not losing sight of my goals.
our prayers are with you. Keep persevering and never stop believing no matter what that GOD's grace will get you out of it. I personally found using apps helpful in staying on course and motivated. I use NoPo and BrainBuddy - both are good.
I use an app called RTribe. It's not the same as an accountability partner but it can help you and your accountability partner because you can send updates and things like that. There is a free/premium difference and the fee is more than I would like it to be but the free version is often useful too. Either way, it's just a thought.
There is a good, very short, book by J.I. Packer called Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God.
https://www.amazon.com/Evangelism-Sovereignty-God-J-Packer/dp/083083799X
It's a great read for understanding how those who believe in sovereignty and predestination still work hard at evangelism.
Check out the wiki there are great resources in there.
Here is an example: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Men-sexual-success/dp/0884198812/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387929160&sr=1-1&keywords=sex+men+and+god
Hello Friend,
Although this may not be particularly useful to you it has been a great help to me in my continuing mortification of masturbation in my life.
There are two things that I feel really help me retain self control, two things that the flesh seems to hate:
Exercise at least once a day if possible, this could be simply doing a number of pushups or joining a local gym, this really helps to divert your sexual energy.
Try to have a cold shower At least once a day, I know the flesh definitely hates this one and at first it may be hard but there are innumerable benefits to doing this daily, I recommend you research them.
Although these practices are great for the attainment of Godly discipline they are simply instruments the Lord has graciously given us to exercise self control in our life, they are a means to an end, to be able to truly mortify this sin you must do it by the spirit, therefore prayer, worship and daily bible study is imperative as the spirit will begin to uproot the sin that is lodged in your heart.
One final note, this book changed my life and perspective of sexual sin, it will encourage you and if you can afford it I recommend it immensely:
https://www.amazon.com/Altar-Sexual-Idolatry-Steve-Gallagher/dp/0970220200
In Hoc Signo Vinces.
Honestly recognizing you have many issues will likely make it easier to deal with your pornography addiction. Just read this book https://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Sexual-Brokenness-Reveals-Healing-ebook/dp/B07B7RCM9B/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
And it deals with how our issues need to be dealt with to deal with sexual addiction.
For me personally, I do something that stirs my affection for God. Whether that be singing a hymn in my head, praying, or reciting scripture that I've memorized. However, I think the most useful thing is to take action in such a way that glorifies God. I can avert my eyes and flee temptation all I want, but I need to turn to do things that praise Him. I venture to say that it's not enough to not do the sin we need to be proactive in doing other things. I am very involved with the Baptist Student Ministry on my campus, and God has given me the privilege to do ministry here. I can say this personally has helped me significantly. It's rather hard to fall into temptation when I am sharing the Gospel with someone or serving on campus. So my advice again is to be proactive. For example, in the subway, if your being tempted, share the Gospel with someone, break out your bible and start reading right there, or help a homeless person. I know these things are "radical" and scary but I venture to say were called to do them. I especially can say that how much more it speaks of God's work in us when we turn from the lusts of the flesh to do things for HIM. I'll be praying for you friend, stay saturated in scripture and in a biblical community!
Along with your normal Bible reading, I would recommend you read Of the Mortification of Sin in Believers by John Owen. I'll link an edition that I particularly like. It has helped me understand a lot of the things behind lust and repentance
Do what the others say, and also: Start counting days. Break records. Have some victories and you'll reprogram your mind. Install this, get some contacts (begin with me) and all of a sudden you're not alone. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.rtribe.rtribe
I presume this book is mentioned in this sub frequently, but I highly recommend "Every Man's Battle" by Steve Arterburn.
I'm a late-30s man and I still frequently go back to this book.
If you are struggling to view women as human beings I highly suggest reading a biography about some women missionaries. May I suggest this one https://www.amazon.com/Mary-Slessor-Calabar-Pioneer-Missionary-ebook/dp/B0082RZMR4/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1536201407&sr=8-5&keywords=mary+slessor
She was from england so perhaps you will understand her perspective better than me.
May I suggest talking with your pastor?
I would also suggest reading mary slessor's biography, you can find a free version here https://www.amazon.com/Mary-Slessor-Calabar-Pioneer-Missionary-ebook/dp/B0082RZMR4/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1534513033&sr=8-4&keywords=mary+slessor
Finally I would suggest a 3 day fast. Many times fighting porn addiction is learning how to take control of your flesh, fasting helps with that. Note do not fast to punish yourself. fast to beat the flesh.
Hey man,
I have been recommending this book I have been reading to people lately who are struggling. I haven't finished it yet, but I know it can help you. Please consider renting it from your local library or buying it
https://www.amazon.ca/Every-Mans-Battle-Winning-Temptation/dp/0307457974
Happiness is completly dependent on circumstance. Joy isnt. You can be happy because your joyful but you can not be joyful because you are happy. Joy is very dependent on your obedience to God.
If you want to read a great book on joy despite your circumstance read tortured for Christ. https://www.amazon.com/Tortured-Christ-Richard-Wurmbrand/dp/0882643266/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526686542&sr=8-1&keywords=tortured+for+christ
This book talks a lot about your situation as this lady and her husband were in the same situation.
this may help. it only cost a 1.50 it will be worth your time https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Collection-M-Bounds-Prayer-ebook/dp/B0066HYW5U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1518726204&sr=8-1&keywords=e.m+bounds+of+prayer
> not laying in bed - getting up [and ...]
This is great.
It's good to develop habits, because in the absence of these habits, well ... you know what can happen in down time - which are also "go-to" habits, especially supine at night or in the a.m.
See Charles Duhigg's The Power of Habit. There's great neuroscience info about how to make our God-given brains work for us in our journey to health.
In my time away from Reddit I have also pondered this question after reading "Think and Grow Rich". To be honest though I am still on the fence about whether this is something to be sought after.
On one hand I don't want to throw away the baby with the bathwater. Perhaps this was something God was referring to when he gave the parable of the servants and the coins. Rather than hide it away and suppress it, why not try to use it for good?
On the other hand I don't want to end up like Isildur or Boromir from Lord of the Rings. Although a bit greedy, they both had good intentions with the ring. However, although the ring certainly held great power, that power could not be used for good despite the wishes of the user. And so they both died as a result.
Its probably best not to get too concerned with this. I've done a lot of research into it, but when you delve too deeply you come across a lot of mysticism and eastern religious garbage that can influence you away from God and to try methods that lets just say are "not good".
If you think about it a different way, all of us by simply abstaining from pmo are already unconsciously transmuting a lot of sexual energy which should be sufficient for most of our needs. Just my two cents.
One thing I remember about your post last week is you might of been overwhelmed by the restrictions we face in overcoming. But God is gentle in pointing out things that need to change and when. Rather than trying to fix every area that needs work, I would focus on your PMO. As you gain ground it will give you confidence and energy to attack the other areas. In The Power of Habit the author describes a keystone habit. It's one that when addressed leads to other habits changing. Example: quitting smoking leads to exercising more which leads to eating better, which leads to not eating out as much, which helps with the budget and reduces credit card debt. Quitting smoking is the keystone habit. For us leaving PMO can lead to better self care, stronger spiritual life, better relationships, even new career opportunities. It's a great one to tackle first.
I was seriously tempted 2 days ago. At some point I started crying and asked Jesus to help me otherwise I would fail. At that moment, I remembered about a book standing by in my reading list. What I read in this book brought me so much freedom and closeness to God that I hardly had another urge. It's less than 5$ on Kindle. I wonder if it will have the same impact on others as it did in me, but anyway, I leave you the suggestion. The Lord protect you and preserve you, Amen.
Understanding what we're dealing with really helps.
SO does the company of recovering addicts. Are there any SAA groups close by? I go to one, but it's a long drive, so I don't get there as often as I would like. But the Fellowship is good, and they meet in a church.
Hey, welcome.
After reading your story, I'm reminded of the a lot of my own journey. I've struggled with PMO for YEARS, but always believed the lie that it would get better when I got married.
Anyway, I want to say you're doing an awesome thing by telling your wife every time you slip up. I do the same thing with my wife, and it's only deepened our relationship by working on this addiction together.
I just started reading a book (and I don't really enjoy reading) that I recommend you take a look at. It's a super short, fast read that is very concise and to the point.
You can check it out here.
Praying for God's blessing in your life and marriage, brother!
Here's another I'd consider important to your walk, Getting Past Guilt. It seems to be a trend with Christians suffering from addiction, especially from such a taboo sin. We can confess our sins and hear from the preacher that our sins are forgiven, but we don't feel that way. Even if we can intellectually say "I'm forgiven", we still feel the guilt linger over our heads, waiting patiently for the next fall. I've started reading both of these, and I think they're essential to escaping this addiction.
They're actually from the NIV Bible, the book (NIV Bible) is called: Quickview Bible: Visual snapshots of God's word. It has several info graphics throughout with little pictures that make it a bit easier to understand, it's pretty good and I find that they make the Bible come even more alive.
I got my (used) copy at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/NIV-QuickView-Bible-Hardcover-Zondervan/dp/0310442303 but it may be cheaper elsewhere, maybe try eBay or half.com or elsewhere online.
Not really on topic as far as this subreddit goes, but read this book!. It's reeeeally good and I think it will speak directly to your background. It's the first thing I thought of when I saw the title of your post. I follow the author and his podcast and he is an incredible resource for those who have been atheists. Or if you don't read the book just listen to him on The Liturgists :)
That's an awesome sign! It seems your passion to serve God is legit. It has happened to me a couple of times as well. Sometimes i immediately stop in my sleep, others i just climax. However, I may not be as passionate since I actually want my body to release itself during sleep,
I brought this little book with daily spiritual verses, i have found to be helpful, not necessarily NoFap minded, but its just a general all encompassing great book: http://www.amazon.com/DaySpring-DayBrightener-Perpetual-Scripture-75621/dp/1608176428
Remember, it's not how many times u fall, rather it's how many times u get up, that actually matters.
What has helped me is to literally make paper cut outs with the number of day since noFap, and place it in my room, it's fun to reach milestones, like day 7, 30, 50, 100, etc. I give myself a "reward" for each milestone i reach. For example, eat an extra snack on day 7, go out to a fine diner at day 30, a mini day out of town on day 50, etc.
This is a great spiritual motivator, highly recommend: http://www.amazon.com/DaySpring-DayBrightener-Perpetual-Scripture-75621/dp/1608176428
Calvin inspired what today is known as Calvinism, which is a staple of Reformed churches. A lot of popular pastors & apologists are Calvinists (John Piper, R. C. Sproul, James White, Tim Keller, etc.). There are also many apologists & Christian leaders of other persuasions concerning God's providence (William Lane Craig, Nabeel Qureshi, & others).
Everyone accepts predestination, but the issue is whether we are determined or not. Are our actions fully determined by God? Do humans have libertarian free will? Or are the two not mutually exclusive (compatibilism)?
This has been a hot topic for centuries, & it seems to have a bit of influence on your present concerns. So, if you'd like to look more into it, I highly recommend "Four Views on Divine Providence".
Read some classical literature. Maybe Lord of the Rings or G. K. Chesterton. You can get his collected works for $2 and read it on your phone!
Oh oops, Sis~ haha! If you want more, here are some. It's actually originally compiled by Joshua Harriss, he has written a book called Sex is not the problem (Lust is). You can check it out it you haven't. It's a good read.
Don't lose hope and keep on fighting. Everyday is war. But God will graciously supply everything you need if you sincerely ask. I'll remember you in my prayer. :)
Highly recommend her Diary for all: Diving Mercy in My Soul. One of the best writings on the Mercy of God ever. It has been approved and heavily endorsed by the Church.
http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Divine-Mercy-My-Soul/dp/1596141107
https://liturgicalyear.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/divine-mercy-in-my-soul.pdf
/u/daleyz has some great advice. His nutrition bullet point has some interesting views, that you could probably ignore, as long as you understand eating a more nutritious diet will help in many ways.
I also want to encourage you, that even though it now seems crazy that this has been going for 3 years, that you are still young and this desire to fight these temptations so early is truly powerful!
In addition to the practical "clean living" aspects that daleyz has posted, I encourage you to find a confidant, someone who is a christian, someone who is your same gender, and if possible, someone who struggles with this sin like you. Seek this out and start an accountability partner relationship. It won't work if they're not christian, it won't work if they think masturbation is ok. At this stage in your life it might even be best to seek out an older student in your church or a youth minister at first. Someone your age may not have the maturity to truly grasp this struggle like you do. A pastor/priest may be easiest at first, just because that's their job, you know that they have the maturity to point you always to Christ and His word, and take you seriously.
Finally, I'll encourage you to read the book "Finally Free" Unlike the go-to "Every Young Man's Battle" it skips over all of the stuff about why we shouldn't do this. We know it's bad, and yet we still do it. What we want, is to understand how God equips us to stand up under temptation. This book is written almost like an inventory of a tool-box of all the ways He gives us to battle sin. It's written specifically toward a battle against P but can easily be read to apply to any sin. It's an amazing book and I can't recommend it enough.
I'd encourage you to check out "Finally Free" by Heath Lambert. Phenomenal book that walks through the various tools that the Lord equips us with to fight this sin. Prayer life is always helpful, but sometimes that's not the right tool for the job. Sometimes you need a memory verse, sometimes you need to reach out to an accountability partner, sometimes you need to take drastic measures (getting rid of an internet device, getting out of the house, etc.)
I'd remind you of the rest of 1 Corinthians 10:13 which you paraphrased, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." It's not that he doesn't give you more than you can bear, it's that He provides help and tools for us in that situation. We can't do it on our own.
> but the relationship with God and Jesus Christ is what makes all the difference
Amen, brother!!
A phenomenal book I've been reading through this year is "Finally Free" by Heath Lambert
My favorite book to recommend is Wild at Heart. It is all about what drives men to do the things they do. For me it really gave me a good look at how I view my own masculinity and the ways I try and prove myself to others. It has really helped me understand my addiction and issues.
Prayers, lean on the Lord!
My friend, that may be exactly why God hasn't led you to someone.
You know why I know this? Your description of why you want a relationship is nearly exactly what my husband's was. First, my husband's porn addiction nearly tore us apart. Then, as he was working through recovery, his passiveness in our marriage nearly broke us again. When we finally broke down the reasons why we got married his was as simple was, "I wanted a friend to share life with and someone to love that would always love me." Which sounds nice and Christian, right?
A relationship isn't about companionship or even the warm fuzzy feelings. Honestly, those are the bonuses. A Christian relationship is about sanctification and learning more about God. And it's really hard. This is a book I've waiting on to ship to me to read that maybe you should check out: http://smile.amazon.com/Sacred-Marriage-What-Designed-Happy/dp/0310242827/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1427478261&sr=8-2&keywords=marriage+is+for+holiness
Came across this book recently.
Haven't been able to give it a read but it's on my radar. Have you read it or come across it?
I'd have to agree with others in this. Praying the Rosary helps tremendously. I read David N. Calvillo's Real Men Pray the Rosary and took his 33 day challenge of praying the Rosary daily for 33 days. An incredible experience to say the least. Daily time spent with God is a wonderful defense against PMO. And also confession. You can never go enough lol. God speed.
I like this app a lot:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.multipie.bibleinoneyear
It's probably also out on other platforms, or else something similar.
I like it when I can see the text, but it still is being read for me. Maybe that works for you as well.
Try this to help you with your relationship with God. Download the audio bible app (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.fatowl.audiobible&hl=en)
Select English Standard Version (Max Mclean) and listen to him read the bible to you. You will grow in faith and be able to listen to all the books of the bible within a week