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• There are sunny days ahead.
• There are other jobs, positions, and promotions to be had.
• There will be a way to repair your credit score.
• There's always a way to celebrate with said dear friend, and they will understand.
• There's always better things to read than politics. Try Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
• There's always another meal to be cooked.

Thanks for sharing. It helped me to see my own problems as things to get over, rather than dwell over.

Great work! This reminds me of the book 'The Four Agreements.' Sounds like you're on your way to mastering number 2!

1. Be impeccable with your word
   1. Speak with integrity; say only what you mean
2. Don't take anything personally
   1. nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't make assumptions
   1. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want; communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama
4. Always do your best
   1. your best is going to change from moment to moment; under any circumstance, simply do you best and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret

“A year or so before, observing the rapidity with which huge bottles of Listerine were disappearing from the bathroom, [my wife] Tabby asked me if I drank the stuff. I replied with self-righteous hauteur that I most certainly did not. Nor did I. I drank the Scope instead. It was tastier, had that hint of mint.” – Stephen King, On Writing

I would have done it myself, if I had thought of it.

Don't beat yourself up. The fact that you say you want to be a non drinker means you're definitely in the right mindset. I think it's a known fact it can sometimes take a few attempts for folks to get going on their journey. Have you tried reading any books on the subject? I highly recommend This Naked Mind and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. Good luck.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm confident this will resonate with many - including me. While perhaps not to the same extreme, my drinking also started, escalated and set a pattern in college that I'm still working on breaking today. The good news is that it can be done and based on what you've said, there's a good possibility that "tea totaling" will be the best option for you but we all have to make that decision ourselves. I'm doing the 30 Day Experiment right now to find out whether 100% sobriety is the right answer for me. You may want to check it out.

This did catch my eye in your post:

>the main areas of my life are going quite smoothly. I have a great career, an absolute gift of a daughter, and my finances are mostly in order

It caught my attention because I told myself this lie for at least a decade. I was excelling in my career, outperforming most of my coworkers, had a diehard work ethic, was moving up the corporate ladder (currently Senior VP), making great money, no debt, etc, etc. But as you pointed out, these aren't the indicators that we're not alcoholics. It's deeper than that; it's when we struggle with alcohol - each in our own way. Reading your post, there's seems to be a struggle which could denote some level of subconscious dependence -- to me anyway as someone going through recovery in a similar way.

Have you considered therapy to help work through some of these issues from your past?

u/angrybulb, deadmuesli's example above is a good one.

There is an Activating event. You have an emotional or mental Consequence as a result. There is a Belief, something you tell yourself, that connects the two.

So if the Activating event is a 12-hour work day, and the Consequence is "I need a drink", the Beliefs could look something like:

• I can not bear to work 12 hours
• I deserve a reward
• The only way I can relax is to have a drink

From here, we can learn to Dispute the belief, along the lines of:

• I don't like long days but I can handle it
• A reward is nice, but it doesn't have to be alcohol
• There are many way to relax that don't involve drinking

I like this introduction to the ABCs.

Chiming in for the womens here to confirm this may be especially true for us.

Last time i stopped (for 7years!) i was a binge drinker. Of course when i started again i moved on to daily because of the progression of this disease.

I didn’t think it through when i stopped cold turkey - and was very lucky but had a few rough days. More than expected. So yes, please check in with something like the alcoholic calculator and if it says severe then get thee to a dr.

I'm not drinking today!

For anyone interested /u/offtherocks made an amazing IFTTT Recipe that sends you a text when the daily check-in is posted! Pretty slick!

I'm sorry that you aren't getting the support you need from your friends and co-workers. Yeah, sure, Hemingway wrote drunk. He also committed suicide. Stephen King wrote drunk and high on cocaine - and he regrets those days of his life tremendously. He went into a lot of detail on the hell that his life was during that time in his book "On Writing".

I'm a writer myself, so it's great to see you're getting back into something so wonderful. Use it to help you get through this rough time. Write and write and write, bitch and bitch and then write about all the great things that are coming from your not drinking.

Shrug off the crappy, unsupportive people. Maybe they're making light of it b/c they have their own issues and they aren't as strong as you are.

You can do this - keep going for yourself, for your writing, for your happiness.

I love this IFTTT recipe that /u/offtherocks made so I know when the check in is posted! Off to a show/fundraiser tonight which will be very fun, and the first time I've been there sober in the six years it's been running! Certainly won't be drinking!

>It honestly makes me wonder what else I've picked up in pop culture, movies, television, that has warped my view on what reality actually is.

I have so many rants about this, I can't even.

But if you're specifically interested in drinking among women, you can check out Her Best-Kept Secret by Gabrielle Glaser

on Android here.

I use Countdown Days - App & Widget.

it's primary purpose is to countdown to an event, like a vacation or concert, for example.

But you can set a day in the past, and it will count up.

And you can set whatever label you want on a widget.

and widgets are sizable from 1x1 all the way up to filling a screen.

And you can have multiple independent widgets counting different things.

It has ads, but you only see them if you're editing a widget, which isn't that often.

Can't help on other platforms, though.

Congrats man -- but I will caution you about having an excuse to go into a liquor store.

There's an old saying "You don't go to a whore house to listen to the piano player."

Case in point, a guy I knew who had recently suffered an esophageal hemorrhage was trying to get his life turned around. He was a widower with a young son, and his son's favorite soda was a craft root beer. The only place he could find it in the area was his local liquor store.

Each week, he'd come into one of the meetings I regularly attend and talk about how his son just would not shut up about the root beer.

One week, he reported back that he went into the store and bought this root beer, and nothing bad happened. Good for him.

Until one day, he came in looking like death. He'd been drinking. He went into the store to buy his son some craft rootbeer, and walked out carrying a handle of vodka.

I haven't been into a package store in nearly two years. And I don't plan on it. If I need a soda that badly, I can make due with some seltzer while I wait for my package from Amazon to arrive.

No disagreement here. America's "health" "care" system is easily the worst in the industrialized world.

However, losing employer-provided coverage should qualify you for Obamacare outside the annual enrollment period. Depending on your current income you may qualify for subsidies that allow you to buy a relatively good plan (silver or above) at lower cost. This will vary by state, and Reddits like /r/HealthInsurance and /r/PersonalFinance can probably give you more specific advice here. Depending on where you live, there may also be some free or low-cost clinics if you need help immediately. Urgent care is usually available for a lower cost as well.

Good luck.

There's a story in Man's Search for Meaning that goes like this. A man goes to a psychiatrist because he has been inconsolable since his wife died. The shrink asks how his wife would have fared if he had died first. He says she would have been the same. They loved each other very much. The doc observes that it sounds like he is shouldering this pain so that she didn't have to.

The man thinks about it for a minute, gets up, shakes the docs hand and walks out the door.

The shame you feel is taking the place of more bad behavior and consequently it is noble. Bear it as such and leave it at that. Don't get lost in endless looping narratives of the self. The past is gone, it literally doesn't exist but for some imprints in our minds. What matters is now and the good work you will yet do.

Oh man, you're in my wheelhouse now. Headspace is a great meditation app for beginners and the timers and counter is useful for more experienced practitioners. Gil Fronsdale's podcast Audio Dharma is wonderful and should be listened to by all human beings. Early on I read the Tibetan Book Of Living and Dying, which was fantastic, although a bit dense. The Mind Illuminated (John Yates) and Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha (Daniel Ingram) are two wonderful meditation guides for more experienced practitioners and could give the beginner an overview of what may be out there. These things are no bullshit though. I wish I had gotten a teacher before diving into these two books. I'm sure I'm leaving someone out. Jack Kornfield's stuff is great. Rick Archer's podcast "Buddha at the gas pump" is a series of lengthy interviews with ordinary people who have had spiritual awakenings. What are you into?

TL,DR /u/bigwalleye Treatment, Buddhism, AA, Steps, no obsession fully recovered from alcoholism. No f-in way I'm drinking again.

I went to Hazelden for 6 weeks. I, like others who post here, was given the gift of desperation. So, instead of being different and the smartest guy in the room I shut my pie hole and became willing to do whatever it may take to not die. A week into my stay a guy on my unit heard me share about the storm going on in my head. Kosta recommended The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thích Nhất Hahn. THAT BOOK SAVED MY LIFE. That is not hyperbole. I was hell bent on killing myself because I wasn't good enough, smart enough, blah blah blah....so I drank to kill the story my mind was telling me. I began meditating, praying, breathing, educating myself about alcoholism, Buddhism, and Taoism. I adopted Buddhism and combined it with my Christianity and I had a spiritual foundation perfect for me. A miracle happened when I went back to AA after my treatment. I got a sponsor who helped me work the steps in a timely fashion and the obsession was lifted. Zero obsession! WUT?!? I couldn't believe it. I had taken Naltrexone years before and that was the only time I felt relief from craving but not obsession. (Of course I wanted to get plastered so I stopped the meds). It's been an amazing journey to date including losing a mid 6 figure job, but a job is a job, it doesn't define who I am any longer. I have some incredible sober bros in my crew. We text, call, and go to breakfast before our home group on Saturday morning. I am grateful, diligent, willing to give of myself without expectation.

If any of this is attractive I'd give AA a shot. Peace, Mark Ps stop fcking drinking and driving, that's a great sign you're an alcoholic.

Btw - I'm on my phone forgive typos and grammar 😜

I used to hate myself too. I drank and drugged and had shitty relationships, ate shit, got fat as fuck. The secret for me was to hang onto sobriety as long as I could, while I changed my habits. I made a point of doing different things every day, I mean as many little things as I could, and a few big things.I got up earlier on purpose. I went to bed early. Each day I promised to stay sober. I drove different routes. I bought better food. I read lots of books. I went for different walks. I exercised a lot. And I didn't drink. I did not enjoy most of this for quite a while. I almost cried the first time I got on my bike after many, many years, and I rode my fat ass to the end of the street. I was so out of shape it was horrible. I didnt like going to bed early and sober. But I wanted to get sober, because alcohol AND the other bad things I did were taking me to the bottom quickly.

I just kept acting like I led a healthy life. I faked it day in and out. Eventually the good habits overtook the bad. I lost the alcohol, AND I began to shed the other destructive things one by one, a little as a time. Eventually I started to realize I was worth treating with respect, and I kept doing it. I A book that has really helped me understand why this worked for me is "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhig.

I use Living Silica to boost my collagen, along with a biotin supplement.

I really can't recommend cardio enough--it clears out your pores, makes your sweat cleaner, and encourages blood flow. All of those things allow your skin to heal and not re-damage itself as it takes care of the older issues. Drinking lots of water is also crucial in this process. I find that when I do cardio, even if I drink a ton of water, I don't pee as often as I would expect, because it all comes out in my sweat.

Also, I eat largely whole, plant-based foods and avoid anything that might cause inflammation--dairy and red meat are some of the biggest offenders, but so are highly processed grains.

Clean eating and clean living make for clean skin. Other products can help, but there is no substitute for just ensuring that your body is performing optimally.

Books that I really loved in early sobriety (I had a great string of 18 months before doing some more "research." Yeah, smart, but the 18 months were great!): - Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn (got me involved in mindfulness.) - 10% Happier by Dan Harris (the book that got me to read Full Catastrophe Living) - The Power of Habit by Charles Duhig

And, current books I'm loving that are also relatable: - "Ego is the Enemy" and "The Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday - "The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance and the Art of Living" also by Ryan Holiday

Also, just a note that after getting my fill of The Easy Way to Control Drinking, Unwasted, Alcohol Lied to Me (I didn't care for this one), There's More than One Way to Cleveland and other alcohol/addiction-specific books, I found I needed to just read books about becoming a better, happier, all-around person. It became much less about booze and way more about me.

Well I know that I have a tendency for "additive behaviors" both healthy and not healthy. For me it gotta be a cousin to OCD. Since you're seeing two mental health providers, I would think this would be a good topic. I found "The Power of Habit" to be a great book, explaining the patterns, triggers and the reward cycle. I certainly saw myself in the chapters. More importantly, I got some tools that actually work for me to set / change patterns and triggers. Let us know how it goes!

Things I've done that make sober life exciting and not boring at all:

​

- Learning new, challenging skills. Pick up an instrument or learn to paint and take classes, really get into it. I've found pursuing something like this does wonders for curing boredom

- Picked up some hobbies. I always loved cooking but now I am getting into photographing my creations, it's fun for me

- Take night classes (currently I'm learning to sing in a choir once a week. It's actually really fun for me and I'm meeting new people!)

- Exercise - runner's high starts to really pay off

- Catching up on books and movies I've always wanted to read/watch but never had the time or was always too drunk to follow the story. I'm a bit of a nerd I guess but I find a good story to be very fun

- Learning a foreign language - just keeps my mind busy and engaged with something new and different

- Meetup.com has also been a good resource for meeting people with special interests outside of drinking

​

Hope some of those ideas help. IWNDWYT

I did a similar thing to OP. I used 23 and Me to get my genome done and then Promethease for the in-depth analysis. I have about 20 genes of varying significance that are related to alcoholism.

* Ted () has joined #stopdrinking * RocksBot welcomes Ted to the room. <Ted> Hello <pail> hi there, Ted <frumious> hi Ted <Ted> I come here, way more drunk than i should be, looking for answers that you probably can't give me <frumious> Better to come here when you are sober. <Ted> Yes <Ted> I just have no one to go to <mimokidi> yes ted It would be better if you slept it off. then we could have a better dialogue when you are sober <mimokidi> someone will always be here <Ted> Indeed <mimokidi> if you are drunk. get some water. relax and wait till your head clears. <mimokidi> the only thing that we could tell you is to stop drinking right now and nothing else <Ted> I am headed down that route. I will come back with a more clear head. <mimokidi> one of us will be here <mimokidi> whenever you need <raevie> ^ <Ted> Thanks, that's good to know <raevie> sobriety is cool, i highly recommend it! <mimokidi> drinking happens. don't be hard on yourself. but it is more productive to discuss things when sober. <mimokidi> sobriety saved my life literally <Ted> I'd like to say it could do the same for me <mimokidi> you can listen if you want but as this is a safe place we ask for people to participate only when sober. I'm sure you will understand. and thank yourself for seeking help. <Ted> That's fine. I will lurk for a while. <Ted> I'll get back to /r/cripplingalcoholism for the time being. <sobrieti> Reddit links: < http://reddit.com/r/cripplingalcoholism > * Ted has quit (Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client)

Not sure where you're located but I recently transplanted to CO from the east and here are some things I found useful: meetup.com is a fantastic resource for finding friends with similar interests (can't find any groups? Start one!) Get a hobby! go to a craft class (I know Michael's and Joanne Fabrics run some), join a running club (Hogwarts running club if you're a giant nerd like me :D) take music lessons (especially at a local music store, they often will organize group jam sessions), research recreational sports leagues in your area, you don't have to be a good player just show up and you'll be a valuable team member. Volunteer! volunteermatch.org is a great resource for finding charities in your area that align with whatever your particular philosophical interests are. Are there any community gardens in your area? Does your local book store or library run a book club? Maybe you could start one! The library is a great resource for finding community.

The great thing about all these resources is that there are people participating at all different phases of life, and from all different walks of life. It's scary as hell without social lubricant, but you know what? That bright vivacious sociable person was always you, you don't need help, you've got this. As a big proponent of tribalism, I believe community is so so important. I hope this helps!

Edited to add: 27 year old female

Self-medicating the symptoms of autism with alcohol is sufficiently common that's it's been referred to as 'Alco-tism'...

I fell into the same trap myself! (Never formally diagnosed, but strongly suspected, M 36)...

>Drinking was my shortcut to being social

Exactly! However, when all you have is a Hammer, everything starts to look like a Nail, as the saying goes...

It got me through a time in my life that I didn't otherwise have the tools to cope with, for which I am grateful, but by the end it was causing far more problems than it was solving...

This book is on my reading list and may be of interest, I haven't read it yet, but the author Sarah Hendrickx has some very good talks on YouTube which I've also enjoyed...

I wish you the best of luck on your journey, it gets better!

IWNDWYT

Woody :>)>

You wrote that so well, I felt it. Or I felt it because I lived it, too. Different story, of course, but same this:

>for some reason I still want to keep drinking. I NEED to stop but I don’t want to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or how to have a change of attitude.

I am not the voice of experience by any means, but I'm responding because like you, I put the time in on this sub while I was still drinking. I lurked and I read and I wondered what was wrong with me that I didn't want to quit when it seemed like all of these good people did want to bury the alcohol drinking habit.

Then I picked up a book, This Naked Mind, by Annie Grace (if you don't like to read, there is an audio version). I couldn't put the book down. It spoke to me. ME! And there was the impetus for change that I desperately needed. From there, I read one book after another (they call it "quit lit" here) and I learned SO much about the human mind and this freaking alcohol thing that was wrapped around mine.

I'll be thinking about you and wishing you the best. You are already on this journey, so full speed ahead, my friend!

IWNDWYT- 171 Days

I read a post almost 2 weeks ago mentioning The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr - I listened to it (audio book), really absorbed it, and listened to it again. Absolutely helped click things for me, after numerous attempts prior...I'm feeling absolutely grounded at the moment. And I took my last drink on the 4th.

This is the longest I've been without a drink in at least a couple years...tbh, I couldn't tell you when the last time was. Had a few temptations the first 2 days, then the last weekend. But between this community and my spouse having my back, the gremlins have been kept at bay. Keep at it - and when you're ready, IWNDWYT

I just downloaded a great app called cigarette analytics, I recommend. Counts your cigs, costs, time, along with graphs and data to review. There is a date feature you can set quitting goals. Check it out. I found it when I downloaded sober time to track my days being sober, and how much money I was saving.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=alvakos.app.cigarettemeter&amp;hl=en_US

absolutely. I used to give into minute feelings of unease and anxiety. I also used to subscribe to the idea that I "deserve" to always feel good.

It took years but I now have more self discipline than most anyone I know. At one point I looked like a lost cause.

I recommend reading a book called "The Power of Habit" Its all about breaking your current self destructive habit loops and replacing them with more healthy, productive habit loops.

Good luck!

I'm only 28 days in, but I think I can give you some help... But keep in mind, I'm still very new to this. I'm in my mid 30s and drank consistently since my early 20s. 28 days is actually the 2nd longest stretch I've ever had. First off, don't plan for 30 days, plan for just one day at a time... Don't worry about any longer than right now... today. Secondly, you've spent years building a habit, and that needs to be understood first. A book that really helped me is called: The Power of Habit. Your brain expects the "reward" of drink it's become accustomed to. I had to fill my first few days with sweets. I normally don't eat sweets, but my first few days I replaced alcohol with ice cream. This helped for two reasons, I was giving my brain an award substitute, and your body still expects the simple sugars you had with alcohol. I since cut back and only eat ice cream a couple of times a week. Last the advice I give is summed up in a single acronym: H.A.L.T. which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonly, Tired. Your resolve to not drink is weakened by these situations, so pay attention. You might do good to find a local AA meeting. I actually attend Agnostic/Free thinkers meetings, as I'm atheist and I don't identify with the religious aspect of AA, but if you don't have those kind of meetings where you live I suggest trying to find some meeting/ meetings you like otherwise. In spite of what anyone tells you, the only requirement to attend any AA meeting is simply a desire to quit drinking. Good luck, and I hope you get to hear from some others with some more sobriety that can give you better picture of what to expect.

Well said. You've nade a decision! That is the most essential FIRST Step. Now comes "operationalizing the decision into ACTION."

For me it included a boatload of support. I did 147 meetings in 90 day. That created new friends, fellowship and a support structure for when I had cravings. I got a journal and wrote my plan, and then throughout the day referred to it and updated it with my experiences. I was told to change the "people, places and things" in my old routine. I had to change my "patterns" because the existing routines had a multitude of "triggers" that resulted in drinking habits. A great book for me was "The Power of Habit." I got phone numbers from the people at my meetings and I'd call when my mind starting whispering about " just one little drink".

I took it One Day at a Time, because frankly, I couldnt grasp a life in which "I never Took a Drink FOREVER!"

An Amazing thing happened. At first it was a focus on Not Drinking. Lot of conscious energy in that. Then, it gradually changed to where it has been for quite some time: "A focus on Sober Living!" I don't even think about a drink, nor have a desire to. I NEVER Thought that would EVER Happen!"

Glad you're here! Tell us about your plan of action! We will be here for you!

King's got some great bits about drinking and sobriety in On Writing. There's one where he goes to a bar and sees a sign advertising a special on screwdrivers from like 8 to 10 AM, and asks the bartender who drinks hard liquor at 8 AM. The bartender just looks at him and says, "College boys. Just like you." There's another where someone asks an alcoholic how much he drank every day, and the alcoholic's answer is "All of it."

I was a big fan of Hunter Thompson, Charles Bukowski and Kerouac when I was younger and wanted to be like them. I managed the alcoholic (and drugs) part but sadly not the great writing part. And through sheer luck, not the dying part either although that was part of the attraction.

Stephen King writes openly about this in his book "On Writing" which I now want to dig out and read again!

Glad you are writing again, good luck with it.

This has gotten me to thinking that Buddha shaped rubber ducks have to be a thing - and they are! - but minimum order seems to be 3,000 - hummmm I am such an addict....

link

> Depression can be created by sitting slouched in a chair, shoulders hunched, head hanging down. Repeat these words over and over: "There's nothing anybody can do...I give up." Shake your head, sigh, cry.

That's from Reynolds' &quot;Constructive Living.&quot; Interesting little book. (Someone recommended it, and I need to find that thread and say thank you). Be mindful of your semi-slouch, your clothes even around the house, and remember reading is doing something.

Just doing a couple things no matter how bad I felt helps me. I like task lists. Initially, I made sure there were two or three tasks I could do no matter how down I felt. I have to feed my dog everyday, so that was an easy one to add and check off no matter how bad I was feeling. Kids have to get to school. Bunch of tasks to check off there, and I can come home and collapse into a puddle afterwards.

I'm not in AA. This sponsor sounds like they are attempting to make life decisions for you. If it were me, I would keep my job and train in my spare time to get skills for a better job. Meditation,breathing, and coping skills can help to get through work. I don't like the sound of your sponsor. I won't drink with you today. Check this out: https://www.freecodecamp.org/

thank you for posting and happy you're here. it is easy to think everyone is out having fun when theyre drinking and I totally get the lonely part too (currently in bed at 7pm on a Saturday watching a movie). last night I was woken up by a couple drunkenly shouting at each other outside my window. they do it every single weekend. they say the cruelest things to each other then they slam doors and make a whole scene before eventually retreating to their apartment. since i've been sober I hear them often. i never did before. i notice things now. when i take the train weekend mornings around 7 am to workout i see those who haven't slept. the people in line at Walgreens buying Gatorade and advil. the ones on my way home from work starting to drip out of the bars. those who have elected to begin the cycle all over again sitting down in wirey chairs on sidewalks where it is somehow ok to do so at 8am (as long as you post about it on instagram). I think about the one I don't see, the ones up in hotel rooms or their own rooms drinking something to erase the night before. the ones sitting next to the hydrants on the filthy sidewalks begging for enough to buy more. sure they may have more plans than we do when the clock strikes ____ but that doesn't mean those plans are leading them to where they need to go. i started a local sober meet up through meetup.com and the first meeting is tomorrow. in a week and a half we have 37 members. I would suggest something like that to help with the loneliness. we are all in this together. hope this helps <3

I also grew up being told I don't matter. I'm now 50 fucking 1 and it was only this year that I realized and believed that I do matter. People had told me that before and it never sunk in, never seemed real. I don't think it is coincidence that once I had this realization that a few months later I felt I could get sober.

I worked through the "Self Esteem Workbook" (Schiraldi) as part of a group therapy. Highly recommended.

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-R-Schiraldi/dp/1572242523

One of the exercises was to go to friends, coworkers, family, anyone you trust a bit and ask them what your best qualities are. Of course that was incredibly hard and awkward to do. But once I had a list I looked in the mirror everyday and repeated my good qualities. It took almost a week but one morning I actually believed it.

It changed everything. If I don't matter then why not drink myself to death? But if I do matter? Then maybe I don't want to do that. Maybe I can get better, improve my life, my relationships.

Another book I found is "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". It explains my upbringing so well. Made me realize why I behaved the way I do.

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703

Suddenly I have insight. I have self respect, self worth. I can cut out the people that are negative, hold be back. Fuck em. I probably don't have 51 years remaining but whatever that number is, I'm going to live it for myself.

You do matter. I believe in you. I've been there. It's hard. Oh so hard some days. But it is worth it already and I am just getting started.

Peace and strength to you.

I relate to this, and I highly recommend reading Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.

Slightly corny title, but it's really a brilliant book that hits the feeling of hopelessness and dissatisfaction right on the head. And it has some very logical advice on what the point of being a human being is..

Written by a PhD neurologist who survived Auschwitz, and lost his family and his life's work.

It really helped me a lot.

Dude yeah, you know you made the right decision. Hang tough with it. SD is an awesome place for support - to keep fortifying that wall, look up This Naked Mind for sure, and The Power of Habit as excellent follow-up.

I have a lot of people and situations I've yet to "inform" so can relate to your anxiety about the friends. Know what you're going to say, practice what you're going to say, then say it simply... and most importantly: believe it 100%.

Best wishes. I'm not drinkin with ya.

I was scared too when my wife drove me to Hazelden, I was terrified and weeping at the prospect of never drinking again. This book saved my life : The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thích Nhất Hahn. The raging mind-storm settled into a calm sea.

A Man in Full by Tom Wolfe. I'm about a third of the way through and am loving it. I like to think about the characters in this when I'm not reading it and about how their actions have far-reaching consequences. I can't believe this is the first Tom Wolfe book I've read and I can't wait to read his other stuff.

And, also reading a short book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo- it's about sorting through your possessions and getting rid of things that don't serve you or that don't make you happy. Reading this one to help me declutter my apartment before doing a mini redecoration over the next month.

TL,DR /u/isisv Treatment, Buddhism, AA, Steps, no obsession.

The Paul Harvey : I went to Hazelden for 6 weeks. I, like others who just posted, was given the gift of desperation. So, instead of being different and the smartest guy in the room I shut my pie hole and became willing to do whatever it may take to not die. A week into my staycation ( love that by the way /u/smutsmutsmut 😎) a guy on my unit heard me share about the storm going on in my head. Kosta recommended The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thích Nhất Hahn. THAT BOOK SAVED MY LIFE. That is not hyperbole. I was hell bent on killing myself because I wasn't good enough, smart enough, blah blah blah....so I drank to kill the story my mind was telling me.

I began meditating, praying, breathing, educating myself about alcoholism, Buddhism, and Taoism. I adopted Buddhism and combined it with my Christianity and I had a spiritual foundation perfect for me.

A miracle happened when I went back to AA after my treatment. I got a sponsor who helped me work the steps in a timely fashion and the obsession was lifted. Zero obsession! WUT?!? I couldn't believe it. I had taken Naltrexone years before and that was the only time I felt relief from craving but not obsession. (Of course I wanted to get plastered so I stopped the meds). It's been an amazing journey to date including losing a mid 6 figure job, but a job is a job, it doesn't define who I am any longer. I have some incredible sober bros in my crew. We text, call, and go to breakfast before our home group on Saturday morning.

I am grateful, diligent, willing to give of myself without expectation.

Peace, Mark Ps on my phone forgive typos and grammar 😜

This summer I read Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning for the first time. Reading your post full of feeling made me want to share these bits with you:

>1) If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete.

>2) One could make a victory of those experiences, turning life into an inner triumph, OR one could ignore the challenge and simply vegetate...

>3) ...there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bear witness that a man/woman has the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.

Wishing you courage and victory.

(Edited for awful mobile formatting)

Meetup.com will have some quality options for activities with like minded people.

I was in rehab and they taught "anchors" - very simple things that gave you happiness at some period in your life that you can use now to at least bring some peace and ease.

I selected to end my day with warm cookies and milk at bedtime, soft clean sheets smelling of soap and bleach, and a good book to read. Now I can do those simple pleasurable things and remember it the next day and not wake up with a hangover.

I've gone back to drinking, stopped, started, etc but there is something that I know works for me, even if it isn't forever. I think it's the forever part that is daunting and discouraging.

Hang in there! BTW I'm not drinking with you tonight :)

If you're interested in exploring this idea further, try a Cost-Benefit Analysis. Looking at those good things can be helpful--whether real or romanticized. That gives you an idea of skills you'll need to develop, like socializing sober, or things to substitute, like a movie when you want to escape.

I kept an hourly chart for a whole month. Here it is.

The good news - it will get a lot easier for you in a few days.

The bad news - it's probably gonna get worse before it gets better.

Yes, the depression is normal. Wild mood swings. Crippling depression interspersed with crippling anxiety. Panic attacks. A sense of impending doom. It sucks. It sucks bad. But you'll never have to go through this again if you don't want to.

Find something to occupy your time. Something you can lose yourself in, that will keep your mind off of everything. I played a lot of Minecraft. There's a free demo. If you like it, it's well worth the $30.

Getting out for some exercise helps, too. I used to walk a few miles every day. Just to have something to do & tire myself out. If you're getting restless, walk a few miles away from your house. Don't stop until you can't walk anymore. Then turn around and walk back.

Day two is hard. Day three is hard. But day four is a lot easier.

You're halfway through the hardest part. Don't turn back now, or you'll have to go through this all over again. You're almost there. You can do this.

IWNDWYT

Just going to take this oportunity to recommend the Android (only) app Presently - it's a beautiful, free (no ads), simple, opensource, daily gratitude journal that I've been using for over a year now. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=journal.gratitude.com.gratitudejournal&amp;hl=en\_US&amp;gl=US

You can still get the Smart Recovery Handbook for Kindle on Amazon for about $8. I ordered it and did a lot or reading on my own.

There is a female version of the Big Book it's called &quot;A Simple Program&quot; I picked up my second hand copy from Amazon for a few pennies.

BTW the section of Chapter 5 that you are quoting is referring to people who are "constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves" and that means psychopaths or sociopaths - AA won't work them. Luckily there are very few people like that, most of them are locked up for life either in prison or mental institutions. Very occasionally you do come across one in AA if you go to enough meetings but they are very much the exception to the rule. That part of the AA text is just saying that the 12 steps won't work for true psychopaths or sociopaths - I've absolutely no idea why so many groups insist on reading it out in their meetings as it does cause lots of confusion.

My group reads out chapter 3 instead and we finish with the serenity prayer rather than the Lord's prayer. It's down to each group to decide the format of their meetings. If you don't like the group(s) you've been going to for 60 days, try other ones. I guess I'm lucky, there are 42 groups in my city to choose from and I often mix it up just for a change.

He did the math!

I also like to remind myself that punishing my body to work through 120kg/260lb of fat, even if I did, is asking a lot. This is one of the causes of cancers and other diseases, when we make the body work harder than it needs to.

Related: one of my favorite books from a cycling legend, recommending NOT hardcore cycling, jogging, or doing any other endurance sport for exercise - plus eating bacon and fats!

Eat Bacon, Don't Jog: Get Strong, Get Lean at Amazon

I used to kinda romanticise drinking and writing until I read Stephen King's On Writing. The dude's right, when writing drunk you write shitty sentences that you think are amazing and when you go back to edit them most of it just has to be scrapped.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance + Lila

Speaker for the Dead (need to read Ender's Game for context)

Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy (5 books)

That's it... I'm not much of a reader =\

I agree about small changes. It's hard to try to change too many things at once. I found The Power of Habit useful in understanding how a habit gets formed and how to change it. There are also apps to can use. But for me the most important thing is baby steps. I need incremental victories to keep me going.

Hi everyone. I'm not drinking today.

I rediscovered reading too :) Currently working on On Writing by Stephen King. I had it in my head I was gonna write a book- but after reading about how much time it takes I'm wavering a bit. We'll see :)

I like Tony because he has a simple message. Decide, Take Action, Identify What is Working and What Isn't, and Vary Your Approach.

He's a great communicator and he doesn't bullshit. I like that. I go to a lot of seminars for work. Some of the shysters just peddle the same cliches and bullshit.

Robbins is different.

Another really good guy is Kevin Elko. A lot of his stuff is on Youtube, but he's the motivator for the Patriots, Crimson Tide, Browns, Colts, etc. Really good. Really down to earth and gives practical steps.

If you're trying to get into meditation and mindfulness I suggest Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness - The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Program

And of course, there's the granddaddy of them all, the original self help book (as we know it) Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich.

I also have soft space in my heart for Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. I find something of value every time I read a passage. And if you are at all inclined or interested in the principles of Stoicism, pick it up. It's only a buck on Amazon from Dover Thrift.

I found Eating, Drinking and Overthinking by Susan Nolen-Hoeksemato be helpful both for my drinking problem and eating disorder, which are very related. Another useful one for women is Her Best Kept Secret: Why Women Drink and How they can Regain Control by Gabrielle Glaser. Another great (and very popular one) is In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Maté, though I didn't agree with him at every turn.

I've read a lot of memoirs with addiction as a theme and I find them to be the most helpful. Dry by Augusten Burroughs. Fiction Ruined my Family by Jeanne Darst. Memoirs of an Addicted Brain: A Neuroscientist Examines his Former Life on Drugs by Marc Lewis. That one's interesting if you want to understand what's going on in your addicted brain from a neurological perspective. From Death Do I Part: How I Freed Myself From Addiction by Amy Lee Coy. None of these are "perfect" but they all tell the story of addiction from one person's perspective, which I find incredibly helpful.

Two that are more "workbook" style are, of course, the SMART Recovery book. I found SMART a lot more powerful and helpful than anything from AA, to be honest. But my favourite by far is Eight Step Recovery: Using the Buddha's Teachings to Overcome Addiction by Paramabandhu Groves and Valerie Mason-John.

Books that are helpful in general but not specifically related to addiction are The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life you Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky. And finally Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, which is another book on mindfulness in every day life.

Hope that helps!

I drank for many years. I developed patterns, which led to habits, which then recognized signals in my environment as "triggers". I built them in over repeated behaviors.

Cooking on the weekend? Well put some wine in to deglaze the pot or pan; put some wine in me.

Going to dinner? Well, need a fine wine list.

Airplane and first class? Where's the complimentary wine?

I had routines in my life that were linked with drinking. I reinforced them and made the associations stronger.

When I stopped, I had to change the behaviors, patterns, habits and triggers. I found the book"The Power of Habit" describes this well. I Echo u/dCLCp especially the "go to where other sober people are."

Really helped me.

I dealt with similar issues after the initial euphoria of quitting wore off. Drinking had been a way to avoid dealing with things that I needed to deal with in my life.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread. What matters is to work at it (because it is work), and to find what will work for you.

I know for me, this book (Man's Search for Meaning) was very helpful in finding a way to orient myself in the world that was right for me. But for you it might be therapy, or AA, or getting out in nature more, or getting to church more, or exercising more. It could be anything - you have to find it.

By quitting drinking you have given yourself a tremendous opportunity. You can now build yourself into the person you want to be. It's hard work, but to my mind it's the main reason we're alive in the first place.

I recently read Stephen King's &quot;On Writing: a memoir of the craft&quot; and It's very biographical. He tell his story about booze and how It affected his life and writing. It's an awesome book. Read it. You are not the first one to face these things. Also. It seems like you have 97 meetings to go to, and 20 mile weeks, too. Run it off. It helps a lot. Good luck on the race! Cheers.

You're not alone man. This message is from a stranger across the Internet, but it's from a stranger who hears what you're saying and wishes you well.

I often have the same type of lonely, self hating thoughts. A book that has been extremely helpful is "Full Catastrophe Living". It deals with pain, depression, anxiety through the practice of meditation. Mediation has been a major factor in providing hope in life.

I hope everything turns out well for you. Keep looking forward to the future and ride out the next couple of months!

I use &quot;Mindfulness in Plain English&quot; as a starting reference. I've also found the podcasts out of the San Francisco Zen Center to be very helpful. But in general, yes, for me it's just sitting still for a period of time, focusing on the breath, and observing what's going on in my mind and body without judgement. Way harder than it sounds, but I find it relaxes me and tends to keep me more centered throughout my day.

I was having a private conversation with someone yesterday and I recommended to him the book Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, by Shunryu Suzuki Roshi. It's a very small, non-dogmatic, non-religious book that absolutely changed my life. It offers basic meditation techniques in the Zen tradition and also some amazing philosophy from the man who built the first Zen monastery in the Western hemisphere, in 1969. Highly recommended to anyone who is interested not necessarily in Zen, but in feeling like they want to calm the constant whirlwind of thoughts in their minds and find some level of inner peace. Nothing is better for you than meditation in this regard.

I use an app that tallies how many drinks I've turned down, how much money I've saved, and how many days I've been sober. Whenever I feel like drinking, these quick stats help keep me in check. You can also set custom reminders (i.e. "I value my health" or "insert name of important person inf your life") that will be randomly sent to your phone as a text or email notification would be.

It's called "EasyQuit Drinking", but they only make it for Android devices: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.herzberg.easyquitsdrinking&amp;hl=en. Even if you have an iPhone, there are plenty of sobriety trackers that will tell you how long you've been sober for.

The number/s you see upon opening your tracker app can be a great source of pride and motivation to continue your hard work.

There are lots of great habit apps; it comes down to personal preference.

HabitHub was perfect when it came to focusing on maintaining a streak, which is its intended purpose. Seeing a wall of greens was a great feeling. However, when I started slipping with various habits, my past failures would be right in my face. It became harder to keep a positive attitude about the present and not dwell on past failures.

The current app I'm using (Habitica) subtly displays the current streak of my daily habits but mostly allows me to focus on the current day. It also has "To Dos" and non-daily habit sections. You can either get into the customizable RPG bits or ignore them.

Im sorry you are having a hard time but that is so awesome that you posted. 🙂 I suggest you check out an online AA meetings anonymously and just listen to people talk and see if you identify. Here is a link for a 24/7 meeting. https://zoom.us/j/2923712604 I wish you the best friend. IWNDWYT

My city is a major drinking city. Bigtime. This stuff is so normalized it's almost expected. You can be a complete mess at 4am and people just deal with it. There is a bar everywhere. Tiny breakfast nooks are BYOB. Every Meetup.com event is 'let's get drinks' (well, not every). No driving + younger crowd. It's so hard to avoid. I hate making excuses but it really does limit your social opportunity in a way.

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I joined Mensa to try to attend other types of events... we'll see.

I feel you. What I ended up doing that made me successful long-term (before my recent slip, where I had gotten away from doing this) is finding healthy ways to amp things up. I think humans naturally crave challenges and adversity because it's how we grow and better ourselves. Is there a sport or hobby you've always wanted to try? For me, it was climbing 14ers while I was living in CO. I became obsessed and climbed 36 of 58 in just under 2 years. I got the adrenaline I craved, the accomplishment, the adversity, the new community of like-minded folks that weren't obsessed with drinking like I did (they certainly still did but not to excess), it checked so many boxes for me.

It might take a journey of self-exploration to figure out what will work for you. It doesn't have to be an extreme sport or literally climbing mountains, but just something that mixes things up for you and takes you out of the monotony. Could be joining a rec league, or going skydiving, or taking an impromptu drive somewhere out of state, going to a festival, joining a Meetup.com group, taking a class, there's literally so many things we can do without alcohol and we'll probably end up doing them far better sober than we would drunk. Took me SO long to realize that.

Great advice! Here in the States there's an app/website called Meetup.com (no, it's not a dating site) that you can use to find people in your area who enjoy the same hobbies that you do. It's been great for me as I love hiking in the mountains, so I've joined a local hiking group and we meetup on the weekends at various locations and go on day hikes. I've met some awesome people, and usually no one whips out a beer or a flask while trying to complete an 8 mile day hike lol.

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IWNDWYT!

Early bedtime is not so bad. Try meetup.com. There's always free stuff to do on there. Might be something of interest to you.

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AA meetings can be a bit of a bummer for some folks but provides an opportunity to talk and meet others. Sorry about the job.

The ABC framework is one of the most useful tools for managing my thoughts. I still think of marshmallows, but I know how to cross the streams effectively.

Hi there friend. If you're worried, see your doctor. If you're concerned about withdrawal symptoms (which can be dangerous) then this survey should give you an idea how bad your symptoms are. http://hubpages.com/health/Alcohol-Withdrawal-How-Serious-Are-Your-Symptoms

We can't give you medical advice, obviously. A lot of people go through this quite safely, and it does get better. If you're at all worried though, or if you're getting a high score on the attached withdrawals test, then I'd suggest you see a doctor.

Best of luck to you. Hang in there :) things get better.

Hi there. Congratulations on quitting. It sounds like you might want to see your doctor if your withdrawals are getting nasty. Here's a link if you want to get a handle on how serious your symptoms are: http://hubpages.com/health/Alcohol-Withdrawal-How-Serious-Are-Your-Symptoms

The good news is it does get better. You're not on your own - we're here, and you're doing the right thing.

If you need someone to talk to realtime - try the chat? https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.snoonet.org/stopdrinking/ we would love to see you :)

Best of luck, and good on you :)

Talie

Hey... sounds like you should see your doctor. They can help you get through the withdrawals. If you're not sure if you're bad enough to see a doctor, here's a little check to give you an idea: http://hubpages.com/health/Alcohol-Withdrawal-How-Serious-Are-Your-Symptoms

Withdrawals can be dangerous, if you're worried, definitely get medical help.

Good luck to you! I'm sorry the withdrawals are horrible for you. You can make it, but check in with your doctor.

You'll get there!

Talie

I like the two slideshows about the CBA and ABCs on the SMART website. They're good introductions to two important tools.

Go to Random.org. Use the box on the right to generate a random number from 1 to x, where x is the number of items on this list. Vow to do whatever the result is, then click "generate."

I've been drinking Sleepytime tea and using the Headspace app for sleep meditations. They're really easy (breathing and visualizations) and knock me right tf out. I'm not sure if this is allowed but the app gives me a share code. I cannot recommend it enough. Also, bonus, it has a wind down exercise for falling back to sleep after nightmares (something I've been having a lot of, usually me getting pulled over for drunk driving).

https://www.headspace.com/invite/Zq4fPxz

Mindfulness meditation. Im serious.

Download this app called Headspace for iphone or android.

The guy who does the guided meditation, Andy, is amazing. It only takes 10 minutes a day and it will have a profound impact on your stress levels, happiness, anxiety, depression, and just overall well-being.

Good luck.

I assumed sobered up at 12:00:01 AM on Friday 7 January 1983 (30 years ago today).

You will celebrate 1 billion seconds of sobriety at: 1:46:41 AM on Monday 15 September 2014.

http://www.timeanddate.com/date/birthdayresult.html?m1=01&amp;d1=7&amp;y1=1983&amp;h1=0&amp;i1=0&amp;s1=1&amp;type=0&amp;gran=5

useless, but fun!

Congrats. I am just over 28 years behind you.

You can get it on Amazon for cheaper than a lot of stores. :D They also have a killer apple cider tea thats great for winter!

Have an awesome one! I will drink tea with you today!

I had these same thoughts at your age. Took me another 20 years to wake up and realize normal people don’t get blackout drunk and piss themselves. I hope you will take this as a learning moment to break free from booze and live a life far better any drink can provide. Two books you should pick up or put on your Christmas list: This Naked Mind and Alcohol Explained.

Someone posted about the books This Naked Mind and Alcohol Lied to Me. I decided to get them on audible and listen to them while working. They're both really amazing books and are changing my perspective on alcohol immensely. Actually attempting sobriety myself again. Only 24 hours sober atm though. Mild confusion and anxiety from withdrawals (drinking 12-14 beers a night for 5 years straight will do that to you) but I still don't want a drink. Went a week sober a month ago but caved. That was before listening to these books. You only fail getting sober once you quit trying though

The SMART Recovery handbook is really good https://www.amazon.com/SMART-Recovery-Handbook-William-Abbott/dp/061585267X?crid=1YVIOE70ZZTQA&amp;keywords=smart+recovery+handbook+3rd+edition&amp;qid=1538064855&amp;s=Books&amp;sprefix=smart+rec%2Cstripbooks%2C176&amp;sr=1-1&amp;ref=sr_1_1

And for general stuff I like "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: (if you have AMazon Prime it's free on Kindle) https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259?crid=2L7XM4FSHJHX5&amp;keywords=get+out+of+your+mind+and+into+your+life&amp;qid=1538064922&amp;s=Books&amp;sprefix=get+out%2Cstripbooks%2C145&amp;sr=1-1&amp;ref=sr_1_1

sorry for the garbage looking links

It's not just sex, either. You think your brain/hand/eye coordination are heightened with alcohol? Cuz they're not, they're definitely diminished. Your video games about to get way cooler. You're about to notice things you never noticed before in tv shows and movies, and you're about to remember the plot and the ending.

'I wish I could offer you a shortcut, but there isn't one. That's the thing. We were looking for a shortcut in alcohol, but we got lost by taking it.' Catherine Gray 'The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober'

First off, good on you for realizing you have a problem. Second, you have made it here, so welcome!

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I was the same way as you. Drinking everyday, swearing the next morning I wouldn't drink again, hating myself. Then I finished work, and "woo hoo I feel great, beer time!" Repeat.

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One day I just said; "Enough is enough. I can keep on repeating this cycle over and over or I can just stop." I decided I would stop, and that was it. The first week or so I was an emotional mess. The imbalances in my body due to the depressant nature of alcohol did a number on me. I felt like hell. It was rough. Eventually things started to get better. Mornings weren't as foggy, I had more energy, I wasn't on edge like I was while drinking. I started to sleep better, I started to eat better. Everything became better.

I admit, I have a lot of issues that I was masking with alcohol. So when I became sober they all started to hit me head on. I could either face them, or curl up in a ball and go back to drinking. I decided, this is my life. I am going to tackle this problem. I'm 8 months sober, and I am still sorting my issues. I feel I will still be dealing with these issues for the foreseeable future, but they are becoming more manageable as time goes on.

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Stopping was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It's not easy, but if I can do it so can you. Just be strong. Learn that alcohol isn't bringing ANYTHING positive to your life. Think about that.

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I highly recommend you read Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking it really helped me to understand what I was dealing with and I wasn't alone.

I use the Sober Time app. You can check in and see how many days you have, and you can get it to send you a notification each day or when there is a significant number (like 90 days). Mine just has the number of days, that's all. There is a discussion group but I never use it.

Edit: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.sociosoft.sobertime&amp;hl=en

It's probably safe to assume you have read Stephen King's On Writing memoir where he puts to rest the notion that an artist needs to derange the senses.

I used to be an avid reader and movie fan but notice that Reddit has shortened my attention span considerably.

I have read a lot about addiction, and spent a lot of time thinking about it, as well as spending many years living it. Myself, I do not yet strongly believe in any one addiction theory, nor would I have the audacity to suggest one recovery path is the best one for all. There is lots of really interesting stuff being studied, many, many roads to recovery.

One of the more interesting books I read in tbe last couple years is "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. It is not all about addiction, but is some very interesting and fascinating reading about how habits can be imprinted on the brain, and how forefully changing them can help reprogram us for better ones. Another I found a fascinating was "Memoirs of an Addicted Mind" by Marc Lewis a recovered opiate addict who went on to become a doctor of the mind. While being an autobiography, it also explains drugs actual chemical effects on the brain and body as they interact.

Me too!

Recently I started reading "Bukowski On Writing" a book published by his daughter I believe. It starts out good but soon turns into all of his weird drunken desperate letters to magazines about why he hadn't been published yet. I wish mainstream lit would show that side of Bukowski. Granted I will always love his books and poems (especailly bluebird) , he was clearly a very troubled man (just like we are the "hot female versions" of that troubled man) but I wish they wouldn't glorify the troubled alcoholic, thats not what made him. If anything from reading those notes he was a complete disaster its sad.

I loved this book and read it in early sobriety last time, too. Followed by Full Catastrophe Living and a deep dive into MBSR. It was an absolute lifesaver and really, truly, changed my life. Highly recommend!!

Seconded on "Under the Influence". A fantastic book for accepting ones problem with alcohol.

Another book which I also recommend is " The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. It is not specfically alcohol related, but has helped me with many compulsive issues and is very interesting.

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg was a really interesting book. The science of habit is amazing to me and it really helps me stay strong knowing there are things going on in my brain well out of my control. I can try to fight it or I can learn to work with it. Also, this book made me realize that I always put my left shoe on before my right lol

For me I had to reorient my mindset. I'd been advised to just focus on quitting drinking, but that hadn't been working so I switched to "getting my shit together".

This included improving my eating habits, exercising more, meditating more, practicing guitar more, and just generally trying to turn myself into who I wanted to be.

I understand why this doesn't work for some people. You can't just fix your whole life overnight, and if one thing fails you're more likely to fail overall. That said, I think the reason it did work for me was that I didn't like who I was, so quitting drinking didn't really fix anything.

My mental picture of myself was of a philosophically-minded song-writing creative, interesting person, which did not at all jive with reality. So quitting drinking was only going to be worth it if I approached it as part of an overall "fix your shit, treesandclouds" project.

And for some reason that stuck. It also helped to read certain types of books. (The two most helpful were "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl and "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" by William B. Irvine)

Your mileage may vary, of course. The main thing I can definitely say is that you have to try different things. You have to figure out what motivates you and what trips you up. If you can figure those two things out you're well on your way.

Hope some of that helped, and I'm definitely down to chat more.

Maybe give exercising a try? Getting your body moving can have a profound positive impact on your mental health in addition to your physical health. I know that worked for me.

Maybe also read some authors you like or find inspiring. I know my brain does better when I'm putting good things in it. Two I really like are Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl and A Guide to the Good Life by William Irvine.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough go of it. Make sure to hang out here as much as you need to!

That's a question the philosophers and seekers have been wrestling with since time immemorial, and there's no easy answer to it.

For me, I try to remember that life is nothing but change, I can never truly own anything, and nothing exists but this present moment. Even if I'm lost in thought about the past or imagining my future, neither of those things actually exist, and they never will.

It's a sad thing, but it's a beautiful thing. Without change and loss we could never grow or discover new paths through life. You just have to let go enough to embrace this which can be a scary thing.

Meditation is helpful for me, as is reading. The books Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, and The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts both have helped me a lot.

In the latter book, Alan Watts said something that really stuck with me when I was going through a divorce. He said that sometimes we focus on the past because it's set in stone. We know how it turns out, we know what it looks like. The present, on the other hand, is in flux. It can make us feel overwhelmed because we don't know how it will turn out. And so we cling to the past as a kind of safety blanket.

I hope some of this helps. Life can be a difficult thing and sobriety absolutely helps with that fact, but it's not a cure all.

A book that I just read about a year ago that I found very interesting as well as helpful is "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhig. Very interesting and helped me a good deal with understanding and breaking some habits and negative patterns.

I can relate to that way of thinking. Honestly, I could have written that when I was your age.

Here's a comment I wrote to a different post the other day, but I think it can apply here too..

I kind of had to tackle my whole life when I quit drinking for it to stick. What helped was orienting myself in the world - creating a philosophy of life and then living by it. It was motivational. I wasn't just quitting drinking, I was living life as the person I envisioned myself to be.

It's hard to say exactly what I mean, but these two books helped me immensely:

• Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

• A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine

Your mileage may vary of course, but I wish I had discovered these books earlier in my life.

If I may, I highly recommend the book Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. It helped me immeasurably when I was in a similar place.

I can relate. I kind of had to tackle my whole life when I quit drinking for it to stick. What helped was orienting myself in the world - creating a philosophy of life and then living by it. It was motivational. I wasn't just quitting drinking, I was living life as the person I envisioned myself to be.

It's hard to say exactly what I mean, but these two books helped me immensely:

• Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

• A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine

Your mileage may vary of course, but I wish I had discovered these books earlier in my life.