What are /r/survivorsofabuse's favorite Products & Services?

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Unfortunately scar formation is a very generic process, and especially many years down the line it's going to be difficult or impossible to distinguish a cigarette burn scar from a bug bite that you picked at because it was itching. In fact, just now when I was looking for reference pics for cigarette burn scars, I came across this from someone who has that issue:

"I have little circle scars all over my body, which look like cigarette burns. As a kid, when I got mosquito bites I'd itch them until they bled and pick at the scabs."

I picked up a scabies infection last year and had an allergic reaction to it and had swollen round nodules all over my legs that itched like crazy, and they'd definitely have scarred like that if I hadn't practised great restraint and kept my scratching to a minimum.

Nobody thinks twice about me having scars though, which is just as well since I've got a nice collection of them. I've even got one on my septum where I fainted and whacked my face on the toilet while taking a piss.

> I wish someone would write a book detailing specific approaches for specific kinds of manipulation.

Not a book, but check out the app called Logical Defense

The severity of your reactions definitely seems like trauma is figuring in. The term for how you describe sex is "perfunctory". You may have learned that sex is necessary for acceptance or love, hence your compulsion.

However, desiring sex and closeness is normal and healthy. Your natural drives and needs have been polluted by trauma.

I recommend books like this to help: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062130730/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_585uFbG315WHF

The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz

EmDR is a type of therapy that either works really well or doesn’t for some people.

This is a book about it. It’s different than what type of therapy she would have had in the past. I’m not sending you to it for you to push it on her but so you know about some options if she’s open to talking about therapy again.

Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609619951/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_8ROuFbPVXM20P

You're not the problem. Sadly, she lacks education and training in helping people with PTSD or other responses to severe trauma. Which is pretty inexcusable, given her job. :/

Honestly, I'd try to get her to read <em>The Body Keeps the Score</em> by Bessel van der Kolk, the book that everyone seems to recommend here (including myself). Should be required reading for all support workers. Maybe her organization will even buy her a copy. :p

And yeah, earplugs and curtains will not make much of a difference. She's being insensitive. But maybe, she'll be receptive to educating herself. Ask nicely but firmly, if you can.

Good luck. <3

I think saying it is not your responsibility to educate him is not the most healthy attitude. You cannot place all the responsibility on him to behave exactly how you need him to and not expect to have to communicate what you want from him. Learning more could be helpful this book is good: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0141978619?tag=duc08-21&amp;linkCode=osi&amp;th=1&amp;psc=1

I don't know if you have that but I used Kelofribase with my surgery scar and it is now (3 years old) almost compleatly invisible. I have an Amazon Link here I hope it works.

Normal handcreams should help, too, with getting the scar tissue softer and lighter, but there will almost 100% always be a mark. I will say it too, it was suggested many times. Think about a tattoo! It can be your answer to what happended and may help concluding with that chapter, i mean like "ok that happened, it was horrible but i survived it and therefore i am stronger than they thought i would be". I know its cheesy and doesn't work like that, but i don't know how to better describe the feeling. I have one too (not over a scar but und my wrist) which I got after a horrible time similar to your past. When I see it, it doesn't remind me of what happened, but that i survived that sh*t and that I can survive everything the world throws at me.

You can do this, you can heal, and that scar will not hold you back. You are very strong. Don't forget that.

i can relate and i’m working through the same things. unfortunately i don’t have advice because i’m still in this mess but someone recommended me this book that i have been reading parts of and i’ve found it comprehensive and insightful.

Everyone here seems to be telling you to confront your past directly, but a lot of therapists would actually disagree with that approach. There's a reason why Frankl's approach of finding meaning in the present is used so often. In cases of trauma, confronting the past directly is often not advisable as it is way too intense. I strongly recommend you read Man's Search for Meaning, op. It is somewhat antiquated, but it may still be helpful. In your case, I would probably recommend just finding different, safer coping mechanisms.

Thank you for your hope and kindness. I look forward to the day when I see the light! As for now, I'll trudge through. I'll check out that book! I've been reading "Full Catastrophe Living" to practice mindfulness meditation and conscientious breathing and acceptance of my pain has helped a tiny tiny bit.

I would recommend going through this workbook with a therapist. I would not do it if you are not currently in therapy. You never know what feelings are going to be kicked up, and they can be powerful and overwhelming.

Finding the right therapist who really knows what they are doing when it comes to treating PTSD and trauma can be quite challenging, particularly if you don't have a lot of money and have to rely on therapists provided by medical insurance. I have yet to find someone who was truly qualified that I could afford.

Best of luck. It is a difficult but rewarding journey.

You can get the book, and browse it of course. I just wouldn't start tackling it seriously without the appropriate guidance and support.

Besides an SSRI, I use exercise and RET (rational emotive therapy) to manage my trauma symptoms.

RET is a technique developed by Albert Ellis to stop irrational thinking and destructive behavior. It involves recognizing irrational feelings and addressing them cognitively. It is very helpful. (It can be difficult to do. There are days when I'm feeling like "Fuck RET. Fuck it right in the ear.")

Book link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1573928798/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_3?pf_rd_p=1944687682&amp;pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&amp;pf_rd_t=201&amp;pf_rd_i=1591021847&amp;pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;pf_rd_r=1A74KPPN8PSW6F2E2816

Exercise helps a lot. A whole lot. I have a lot of anxiety and that can ramp up into hiding out and doing nothing. Anxious energy is part of a fight or flight response. I do both fight and flight. I go to karate once a week; on off days, I punch a bag at the gym. I also run 3X week. It alleviates both depression and PTSD symptoms for me.

I am very glad that you found the resilience, and the courage, to survive this horrible man.

If you have not already read it, there is a book that I would like to recommend to you called <em>Adult Children of Alcoholics</em> by Janet G. Woititz.

I learned so much about my life by reading this book. I could see that I was unconsciously creating the same dysfunctional patterns in my own life. The book helped me to break that cycle.

I wish you all of the best out of life, Noble Redditor.