What are /r/OkCupid's favorite Products & Services?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

I mean, you could say that about any work of art or any human creation, it's a bullshit explanation. All art showcases talent. That doesn't in any way invalidate what it's going for.

"Apocalypse Now wasn't about war and exploitation, it was to showcase Francis Ford Coppola's talent."

Could you imagine explaining anything else that way?

"The Wealth of Nations wasn't about capitalism, it was to showcase Adam Smith's economic mind."

Pure bullshit hand-waving.

Run your email through https://haveibeenpwned.com/

Since you share your passwords across sites, when someone gets access to your account info on one site they can then access it everywhere else you've used that password. Lists of email/password combinations are circulated widely and used by spambots to hijack accounts that are otherwise in good standing.

If your email account uses the same password as any of the sites you've been compromised on, it's also possible they did a password recovery on OKC and just deleted the email. This is why, if nothing else, it's vital to use a unique password for your email account.

Hijacking the top comment to drop this:

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.okcupid.okcupid

And

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/okcupid-dating/id338701294?mt=8

Remember to update your review after any app updates.

Travel photos are a great humblebrag.

"I'm wealthy and have a good and steady job" - crass bragging

<Picture of me in Thailand> - bragging, but we all agree to pretend it's not actually bragging

You can read more about it in <em>The Elephant in the Brain</em>

^^Bonus ^^round:

^^"I ^^read ^^lots ^^of ^^books" ^^- ^^crass ^^bragging

^^"You ^^should ^^read ^^this ^^book ^^I ^^like" ^^- ^^bragging ^^that ^^we ^^agree ^^to ^^pretend ^^isn't ^^bragging

Mystery solved - it's been lifted word-for-word from this guide on how to write a successful bio. see the section from "FunLovin 36"

I think the bigger theme that the author kind of touches upon is the drive for redemption. Like he says often people carry childhood hurts or conditioning that drives them to search for a safe harbor who will save them. For women this drive might look like a protector or warrior and for men this might look like a nurturer. These are gender roles being perpetuated over generations. So when a man fails to be outwardly 'manly' the woman is scared that she will have to protect herself. Similarly when a woman is not 'feminine' a man might fear he will not be nurtured. In either case, the chosen partner is not fitting into a satisfactory mould. But even if they did, it would not be true intimacy.

True intimacy would require that both partners accept all parts of themselves and of each other. The woman only needs a protector because she is unable to accept her own aggressive, self-protecting part, the man only needs a nurturer because he isn't able to allow himself to venture safely into his most vulnerable states (these are just stereotyped examples, everyone has their own fears). If both people were able to accept these different parts of themselves they would not be looking for redemption in others. Consequently, these gender moulds would cease to be so important to uphold within the relationship.

Edit - my first �� �� ..bonus goodies. I've been reading this book on 'parts' and internal family systems, a fantastic read if the comment resonated with you.

The "guide" seems to draw heavily on The New Psychology of Men which takes a social constructionist view of masculinity "inspired by feminist scholars."

Just so we're clear, there's no bias here.

You could at least link to his blog or Instagram instead of just stealing his pictures and posting them on imgur.

There's a really interesting book I read a while back called Supernormal Stimuli: How Primal Urges Overran Their Evolutionary Purpose. It talks a lot about sexual instincts in a few of its chapters.

It mentions a study where scientists wanted to test the sexual instincts of turkeys. They made a life-like dummy of a female turkey, and the male turkeys fucked it. Then they removed a bunch of the feathers and distinguishing features, and the turkeys still fucked it. They kept removing features of the dummy, and the turkeys kept fucking it. Eventually it was pretty much just a stick attached to a platform, and still the turkeys fucked it.

Humans are more like that than we're willing to admit.

Do you know even know what feminism is? Unfortunately, people like you have this awful impression that we're crazy bitches who think men suck. In reality, feminism is just the belief in equality of all people, regardless of sex, gender, or sexuality. I'm an active feminist, and it's one of my core philosophies, but I think it ultimately makes me a better person who is easier for both men and women to get along with.

I don't mention feminism in my current profile, but I did in my last profile, back when I still lived in Salt Lake.

profile

Petite dark haired women who can dance, drink and rock out. Arty and creative women with really good fashion sense and an ability to pull-off their own sense of style. Good hearted. That was my type during my twenties. A photo of my first crush, taken when I was 21 (a close buddy of mine in the photo ... I'm the only one who remembers this embrace of the three of us, but I digress ...). I made out with (or more) over half the woman in her social circle, but never her. So intense in her presence I shook like a leaf. She was the first woman to teach me how to dance!

In my thirties I only loved you if you were a mountain that extended beyond the treeline. Or a woman with the physical fitness to do long backcountry trips.

I'm much, much less specific in my forties. To quote the transformation that Tolstoy whent through in mid-life, "The only way to be happy is to love, to love self-denyingly, to love everybody and everything, without any rules; to throw out from oneself on all sides, like a spider, an adhesive web of love to catch in it all that comes: an old woman, a child, a peasant, or a policeman."

Hey dude, I pointed you in the direction of this sub!

> trying to live every day as happy as possible

I would cut this, since its kind of a cliche. Or at least reword it so it sounds less like a cliche.

I would also remove the references to reddit, and maybe limit yourself to one Star Wars reference.

Also I would nix the bit about being submissive. I know you meant that in more than a sexual way, but I think that it generally sounds like a sex thing and I wouldn't recommend putting sex stuff in your profile.

As general advice since it works for me, try to inject some humor into your profile, especially in regards to your disability. Here is a link to my profile for some potential cripple joke ideas.

Edit: also, I would consider changing your profile name to something original enough to not have numbers in it, or possibly something a bit more jokey.

Oh, and if you have any pictures of you in your cripple chariot, you should probably upload one.

Anyway, good luck buddy!

>Update, 9/17/2011 12:33 PM: I have an Amazon wishlist. Hint... hint...

>https://www.amazon.com/wishlist/2S34OF9G13YKZ

Edit: >You should message me if

>- You've just bought me something lovely off my wishlist and you'd like your reward.

The problem with this and posts like it is that it's reductionist.

It's not this is one of the multitude of factors that goes into whether someone will respond to your message / go on a date with you / have a relationship with you.

It's putting a "fact" out there like it's the main thing used to decide whether you're worth dating by a majority of xxxx (men or women, we get both posts. Though there are more posts by men about women because that's also the gender of the majority of redddit users.)

Yes, behavioral biology is a thing, yes, research has shown that stability and security are more sought by women than men.
> https://www.researchgate.net/profile/David_Buss/publication/232444193_Preferences_in_human_mate_selection/links/0912f514370779cbf2000000.pdf >>"Three replicated sex differences were found in these studies. Men more than women preferred mates who were physically attractive. Women more than men preferred mates who showed good earning potential and who were college educated. Similar findings have been noted by others (e.g., Berscheid & Walster, 1974; D. M. Buss, 1985; Langhorne & Secord, 1955; Symons, 1979). Because these sex differences are robust across diverse samples, the intriguing question is why they exist."

When you reduce that down to not only being the main / only factor that matters, and then further reduce that down to the insulting title "Are women on okcupid basically just a price tag?" you are a jerk.

Are you only attracted to physically attractive women and is that the only thing you look for in a mate?

Or is it one of a multitude of things you're looking for in a mate because you're not a one note instrument?

>There are a ton of options. Do you want to spend money? Or only want free? Do you want a relationship? Casual dating? Hookups? What are you looking for? Off the top of my head,

> Match.com.,

The trash one that ruined online dating?

> eharmony,

Creepy Christian guy?

> Hinge

Apparently decent ish. Still based on swipes and shows matches hours away.

>Bumble,

Tinder but even less chance you'll match

> Zoosk,

No idea

> Tinder,

The horrible thing OKC failed to clone. Owned by match

> Facebook Dating,

Not available near you.

> Elite Singles, OurTime,

These sound like escort sites.

> Christian Mingle, JSwipe, JDate,

....

> Badoo, Clover, Pure, HUD, Pickable, POF, etc.

Did you actually try any of these?

>I find it funny when people complain about how bad OkCupid is. Bad results doesn't mean the app is terrible.

The app is objectively terrible.

I remember reading somewhere that OKC lost thousands of subs when they went all, Tinder-like. There is really no one on there anymore. I can remember when the place was jumping with people. Now you are lucky if 5 or 10 people local to you are on at any given time. Here in Ga, prime time was between 8 pm and 11 pm most nights. At least a couple of 100 women would be on within 50 miles of me. Now, there is no prime time anymore. I'm lucky if 5 women are on within 100 miles of me. I can tell that there are a lot of dead profiles. Women that just gave up and left the site. The reason I know, I finally clicked like on 4 or 5 women that were actually too far away but had liked me anyway. I can see their profiles. They never show up as being signed in. It looks like they abandoned their profiles and just left. OKC is dead.

&#x200B;

All that is left is POF. But, the problem with POF, there are too many people there. Many women get over 100 messages in a day. For others a week. They get so many that many men who do write, get buried. Some women delete everything and start all over again. Most women are not going to sit and look through 100 or more messages just looking for one guy to date. POF is overcrowded. When OKC bit the dust, many went from OKC to POF not knowing that the same Match.com now owns POF. Dating sites are just not worth the time anymore. Match has it all cornered. You may as well join Match and be done with it. They own it all just about. I'm surprised that they haven't bought out Eharmoney.

I would first try to think about why someone would have such an obsession. Is it boredom? Is it a form of validation? What is the reason(s) for it?

&#x200B;

Once the person thinks about the potential causes, they can take the next step and see what strategies there are for addressing the issues involved. For instance, if it's boredom, then the person better get their ass moving and start a hobby or get involved with groups/activities/etc. If it's constantly seeking validation then they should seeing therapist for a few sessions to talk it out or to read a book such as https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0

&#x200B;

Gotta figure out what the root causes are.

When a single mother spends more time talking about her kids than her. Yes, I get they're important - they should be - but this isn't OkBabysitter.

I'm especially nope-ing out of there if she has pictures where most of the photo is her kids, and her face is buried in there like E.T. peeking through a pile of stuffed animals.

I don't think I'm particularly attractive though people on the sub disagree at times. And I'm only half asian (filipino), so often I would be confused with latinos/hispanics.

My tinder game is awful. I meet very few people off it and I would put them mostly in the 5-6 range with the occasional 7.

It's hard for me to gauge equally attractive white friends, I will say if I were to compare myself to a white guy I knew who was active on okcupid, similar height/job etc though I worked out a lot more/had more hobbies etc, he was far far more successful dating than I was. Though most of the girls who ended up sleeping with me, thought I was by far the more attractive one though he was way more successful overall.

Conclusion, most people perceived him (a white guy) to be more attractive by a slight margin, but those who preferred me, preferred me by a much larger margin.

Bumble and CmB give too little results to be comparable.

My best shot by far was OkCupid. But again, my profile and my messages are much stronger than my general appearance so the more personality I can inject into an online dating profile, the better I can do. I would say OkCupid girls tended to fall much more in the 6-7 range.

My best experiences are IRL. Girls I met and dated IRL were mostly solid 8's, again this has to do with a lesser emphasis on my looks and more on personality.

tl;dr Women mostly prefer white men. There are some that prefer Asian/mixed race. The less of an emphasis on my looks, the better I tend to do.

Here's my OkCupid profile for context op

If you're vaguely tech savvy (can follow instructions) here's how you can bring them back.

1. Go to your profile
2. Open your browser console (F12 in Chrome, CTRL + Shift + J in Firefox I think)
3. Paste the code provided below and hit return to submit
4. Wait a few seconds
5. Reload the page

Bring back "The first things people usually notice about me":

new Ajax.Request('/profileedit2',{parameters:{essay_body:".",essay_id:3,okc_api:1,authcode:AUTHCODE}});

Bring back "Most private thing I'm willing to admit"

new Ajax.Request('/profileedit2',{parameters:{essay_body:".",essay_id:8,okc_api:1,authcode:AUTHCODE}});

Alternatively if that's beyond your abilities, do the following:

1. Go to your profile
2. Right click in your menu bar to create a new bookmark ("Add Page" in Chrome)
3. Set the Name as anything (eg: "Bring back fields")

4. Set the URL as:

   javascript:new Ajax.Request('/profileedit2',{parameters:{essay_body:".",essay_id:3,okc_api:1,authcode:AUTHCODE}}); new Ajax.Request('/profileedit2',{parameters:{essay_body:".",essay_id:8,okc_api:1,authcode:AUTHCODE}});

Now from your profile click on the bookmark and wait a few seconds and reload the page!

Technical explanation: all they've done is hidden the forms, they haven't stopped you from submitting those essays, this method sends a request to their servers pretending you've submitted an essay.

Have fun!

Don't take it personally. It's just that you're a bit late to the party, the changes are 1-2 months old now for many users. People here are tired of talking about it.

And no matter how much we complain here, and on the app stores, the people running OkC have shown 0 signs of caring about our feedback.

K, so there's no magic pill that I'm going to be able to give you on this one.

I'd take some time off and focus on the to F's of dating: Fashion and Fitness. (Ideally you'd lift and diet on a deficit while updating your wardrobe). After maybe 3-6 months of that, try to get some more interesting pictures (where you're smiling, being active, projecting a fun or interesting vibe). If you have a friend that's into photography, use them. Or learn a little about taking good pictures then direct a friend into taking good pictures. Here you want to give an idea of the things you do and what it's like to hang out with you.

During that time you can focus on writing too. I recommend the book "On Writing Well" by Barbara Ueland which you can get for less than 5 bucks on ebay or half.com. You gotta learn to write from your true self and not the same bland voice that is on every other profile. Also during that time, start making small talk with everyone. Cashiers, waiters, etc are the easiest to start with. "How's your day? Close to the end of your shift? How bout this weather?" It'll increase your social IQ and decrease social anxiety little by little so when you do get a date with that beautiful honey you'll know how to talk.

Good luck my friend.

>Online dating is where people like me, who fail every last criteria for natural selection (at least as far as human society goes), go to hit on women who are so far out of my league that we’re not even on the same plane of existence (think single-celled organisms compared to the Judeo-Christian God), then complain about how I will die alone…

>Desperate people with no confidence, who often contribute absolutely nothing to society. That is me. And even though I am such a huge failure at everything, all the time, I still try messaging women I find attractive, instead of going for the unsightly, old, used-up, morbidly obese women that would be more than happy to receive a message from me.

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/online-dating-men-dont-get-women-dont-understand/

What is the etiquette on messaging a person more than once if they didn't respond to my first message?

DON'T! Only in very rare circumstances should you ever message someone a second time. The second message, regardless of the content, can make you seem desperate and clingy.

Should I bother sending a message to a red dot (replies selectively)?

Absolutely! Never NOT send a message. There's no such thing as "out of my league" or "I'm not attractive enough." Everyone's view on attraction varies, and something great about you may completely overshadow what you dislike about yourself.

HOW DO I LINK MY PROFILE ON THIS SUBREDDIT? (I recommend reading up as much as you can before submitting)

Look for the button on the right hand side of the page that says, "Submit a Link." Enter your title (preferably with some basic information like age and gender, and if there is anything specific you'd like critically judged). Then, in the link/URL box, type in or copy/paste:

http ://okcupid.com/profile/ YOURNAMEHERE (delete the spaces).

Do NOT go to your profile and simply copy the URL. Make sure it has your name in it and not just http://okcupid.com/profile because you can see that it takes everyone to their own page if they have one.

>This prohibition was taken up by grammarians and teachers in the next two centuries and became very tenacious. English is not Latin, however, and contemporary authorities do not try to shoehorn it into the Latin model. [...] To sum up, the deferring of prepositions sounds perfectly natural and is part of standard English. Once you start moving the prepositions to their supposed ‘correct’ positions you find yourself with very stilted or even impossible sentences. Well-established and famous writers over the years, such as George Orwell, Anthony Burgess, and Julian Barnes, have been blithely stranding their prepositions to no ill effect: please feel free to go and end a sentence with a preposition!

Simmer down, son.

Even Merriam-Webster is cool with it.

Actually, under the Affordable Care Act (assuming you're in the US), insurance companies are required to fully cover all expenses related to birth control. It's treated the same as preventative care, so there shouldn't even be a co-pay. More information here.

I am like you. I would say, however, keep your account open, build it to PERFECTION, turn on the setting that emails you when you get a message on the site. When you have done this, install the following:

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/blocksite/

Now you are not able to visit the site anymore, you are still "out there" trying, and if someone so happens to fancy you you will get an email letting you know to go to the site.

1) Helping people is arguable. Take OP's suggestion and read about it. At best it's benignly ineffective first world dogooderism. At worst it is a waste of resources that these places desperately need.

2) These things are rarely showing them do any actual work, it's a (typically) white person, outside (hopefully near a hut!), surrounded by (typically) African people/children (ideally in tribal dress).

Any way about it, it's exploitative and far more about serving the needs of the person from the First World than making anything better in a sustainable way for anyone else. Hence, this is also the sort of person to post this shit on their dating profile.

EDIT: Read this, which I found courtesy of http://gurlgoestoafrica.tumblr.com

I know this isn't meant to be a critique thread but I bet she gets a million messages about that. (We used to play a game here that was to post the things you get messaged about the most. It was useful because it let us see that people were all hooking into the same things we were and none of us was standing out.)

If something jumps out at you, try to take a different spin on it. Something like "I see your purse-flask and raise you a shoe-flask."

(I mostly just wanted an excuse to google those shoes, I heard about 'em yesterday.)

I can probably make your favorite baked good better than your favorite version of it. Flour whisperer.

Plays to my strengths, and it functions as a good hook.

I don't have a snazzy OkCupid staff medallion to show you, no. But you'll see in my replies on here that I know a lot about the site.

• edit: you can see my staff profile on the site here: http://okcupid.com/profile/alice

>semen is not food

???

^^be ^^wary ^^of ^^the ^^above ^^link ^^if ^^you ^^don't ^^want ^^your ^^amazon ^^suggestions ^^to ^^be ^^forever ^^tainted

From etymonline: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=faggot&amp;allowed_in_frame=0 > "male homosexual," 1914, American English slang (shortened form fag is from 1921), probably from earlier contemptuous term for "woman" (1590s), especially an old and unpleasant one, in reference to faggot (n.1) "bundle of sticks," as something awkward that has to be carried (cf. baggage "worthless woman," 1590s). It may also be reinforced by Yiddish faygele "homosexual," literally "little bird." It also may have roots in British public school slang fag "a junior who does certain duties for a senior" (1785), with suggestions of "catamite," from fag (v.). This also was used as a verb.

While it does appear to come from the same sense of gathering a faggot of wood, I checked wiki and there's nothing about lords or castles, and I can't find anything on a cursory Google search. It's more likely that it comes from the contemptuous term for a woman.

I finally got back in the gym! I'm feeling human again. Those endorphins really do matter.

My professor has allowed me to take an incomplete for both her classes, giving me more time to do her papers and not fail! YAAAAAY. I didn't even know it existed, but it takes a huge stress load off my shoulders.

My hours should be cut at work, giving me more time to not fail my courses! YAY.

I was basically the only person to dress up at work for halloween, but I had fun, so screw them :P

Especially since I did it in like 30 minutes.

Not dating because loltimedepressionidon'tcare.

OH AND I GOT A MINI KEURIG. No more money spent on overpriced lattes. Now I just have to find a coffee thing I enjoy, as well as the right amount of milk + sugar + coffee ratio.

Confirmed by outside source

Edit: First time I checked "Is it Down" it responded as down for everyone.. and now it responds as up.

And.. refreshed one last time.. back to reporting as down.

> Are they actually questioning it

Yes. And for good reason. Turns out it's exactly the same as one of the examples in this how-to guide

https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/04/19/524571669/model-minority-myth-again-used-as-a-racial-wedge-between-asians-and-blacks

> Since the end of World War II, many white people have used Asian-Americans and their perceived collective success as a racial wedge. The effect? Minimizing the role racism plays in the persistent struggles of other racial/ethnic minority groups — especially black Americans.

Your password probably got leaked somewhere else and someone, or an automated bot specifically looking for OkC accounts, used that password to access your OkC account. Check here to see if any other places you share your OkC password with have been compromised.

Personally, I don't know where I'm going to be at in life, but I really think this guy had the right idea https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6256316306.html.

I'll have an immediate advantage in The Mommy Wars. "Oh, you ate a gluten-free, organic diet before giving natural, drug-free birth in a bathtub in your living room and breastfed him until he was five? That's cool, Jennifer. My son was conceived during an eclipse and is destined to lead humanity into a golden age and/or cause its utter demise, and, you know, we really try to limit him to less than an hour of TV per week."

1. Try your hands at various things. There are quite a bit of hobbies that don't require that you drop significant amounts of cash to get into (drawing, writing, coding, biking, hiking, martial arts, etc...)
2. You're in college (I'm assuming STPM is taken at a college or university)? Head to student services and ask them for info on any social clubs at your college or uni that you can join in. Alternatively, you can try places like Meetup.com and look for groups that interest you.

"Most successful" isn't exactly the way I'd describe it, but I'm still proud of it: my own mobile game on Google Play called Return of Dr. Destructo. It earned me 7$ from in-app purchases so far!

I'm short (5ft7) and Asian. Still getting dates, although it's slow. You need to get rid of your limiting belief man.

Edit: go read this book, Models by Mark Manson. Also follow Tripps Advice and alpha-m channels on YouTube.

Can I be straight up with you.

I'm about to get downvoted like fuck because I'm pretty sure I'm everything this sub hates but.

My response rate is close to 75% I'd say. I've met or dated at least 50 girls easily from OkCupid. Conservatively. I've fucked probably 25. Conservatively.

Here's how to do it.

Be someone girls want to fuck. Don't be someone girls want to date. On the profile, at least. You can surprise them when you meet them by telling them the truth that you really are looking for something serious. Honestly, might even make them more attracted. Your profile should be entirely about making women want to fuck you. Anything else is boring and they don't give a shit. They say they do on here, but trust me bro. Real girls don't.

Steps to do that:

Don't take your profile too seriously

Make your life seem exciting

Be confident bordering on cocky

Act like you don't give a shit.

Be over 6' (kidding, but it helps)

Messages:

Message any girl you'd stick your dick in. You can read her profile if she responds. How do you get a response? Say something funny. Say something inflammatory. Say something that pisses her off if you have to. Just make her respond. After she does, then you set the hook. This is like fishing. You need to throw out a quick, shiny, flashy lure. Not a fat boring ass ball of seaweed.

Stop. Giving. A. Shit.

Read Models by Mark Manson

Fix your pictures. Those neck fat selfies are the worst thing I've ever fucking seen.

Any questions, ask away.

> Having been in a couple relationships where we were sexually incompatible, it matters a lot. It will slowly erode your relationship (at least if you are the monogamous sort) and create cracks that will split apart on other lines. If you've ever read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, its the dripping faucet that everyone ignores but is actually the seed of the negativity.

Just wanted to pop in and co-sign this. Two of the four serious relationships I have been in fell apart over sex-related issues. One was over incompatibility (said ex discovered he really liked things I was totally uncomfortable with) and mismatched drives (I like to have sex more than twice a month, kthx). These both seem to be pretty common problems, if r/relationships is indicative of anything, and it's good to know from the front end if you're not going to be sexually compatible with someone. Saves a lot of heartache.

The largest free dating site in France works this way. Only women can send the first message (they can also send a generic "XXX now allows you to talk to her"). Guys can send up to 5 winks per days to try to get women to notice them.

http://techcrunch.com/2010/11/04/adoptaguys-online-supermarket-of-love-goes-live-in-the-us-and-soon-the-uk/

http://www.yourtango.com/201166559/adopt-guy-online-dating-site-puts-women-the-drivers-seat

They opened a US version, but it failed apparently.

We are the whitest city that has some horrible history of racism and aggressive gentrification.

This is a terrible article that's superficially researched and poorly argued. The "they're probably beyond help" line is absolutely uncalled for. He wrote an article some months back that was so terribly misstated the conclusions of a scientific paper that I actually wrote a letter of complaint to the EIC of Gizmodo. I'd hoped then that it was atypical of his work, but it seems he is very prone to quickly glancing over shit and then throwing together absolute drivel with minimal actual research or thought.

All that said: a little bit of "Man the fuck up and stop being so blisterly insecure/self-pitying" would do a good chunk of this subreddit's population a world of good.

To be overly technical in re analytic language, I am NOT saying > that men are expected to be more dynamic than women in their lives?

I am saying that is LESS acceptable for a woman to be dynamic in her life (than it is for a man), and she will be "punished" more for it. Quick digression into the economics of societal behavior: this is because more men adhere to a linear pattern of behavior (the expected norm) in life, so it is less important to punish/as harshly the outliers. Women are in general more unruly/don't conform to the linear model as well, so more punished. At least, that is how the theory would work.

I can't find anything super academic/specific quickly (not generally my area of focus/research), but these glance the surface/have some context:

• https://www.nytimes.com/books/first/f/fisher-first.html

• https://books.google.com/books?id=u9pLDj5TEfMC&amp;pg=PA93&amp;dq=women%27s+lives+feminist&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwis_MvjuNnJAhUHxGMKHeuZAWAQ6AEIMDAD#v=onepage&amp;q=women's%20lives%20feminist&amp;f=false

See here for some general rules of thumb: https://lifehacker.com/this-cheat-sheet-teaches-you-how-to-match-shirt-and-tie-507540764/amp

Tie should be darker than the shirt. The patterns are too close in caliber to each other (one should be a finer pattern while the other is larger). Green + blue combination is a bit off but not a deal breaker, but definitely the dark pants + dark shirt is a little heavy on the eyes. Things should complement each other; every item shouldn't be so heavy in and of itself.

I tend to start with light colored shirts (white, lighter blues, light greys, occasionally pale pink) that are either solid colors, textured colors, or fine stripes/gingham. Then I pair them with ties or bowties that are darker, usually with a little flair (fun patterns, like at the bottom of the info graphic above). Finish it off with a simple bar shaped tie clip between the 3rd &amp; 4th button of the shirt.

photos are of utmost importance

your primary photo looks sad and lifeless and your second looks old and youre half out of frame and the third is too blurry

you dont need to tell people this is your first time trying out dating apps or that youre still figuring out what to say about yourself

your favorites section is too long

favorites are not everything youve ever liked ever

its also pique instead of peak

saying youre in a netflix induced coma doesnt bring to mind someone fun id want to be around

twenty eight seeking eighteen can be a little sketchy

Okay, many years ago I got a 9.9 on Hotornot.com. I am not that attractive. I'm referring to people in general telling you if you're attractive or not, who have never seen you in three dimensions.

It's possible (like somebody else suggested) that you've gone through the pool of folks who'd like to date you based on your profile and photos. You could also check out Feeld, though I'm not sure how popular it is. Looks like you're already on Fetlife, which you could also utilize.

Context:

Having just moved back to the area, apparently I showed up as a new profile to women, because I've gotten a ton of activity and a lot of women actually messaging me. I'm currently juggling four or five extended conversations, and being fed up with having too much on my plate for once, I tried this impulsive move yesterday.

You would think women would instantly shrug away from this, since it's basically the extended version of "hey baby sup" that seems so popular, but my guess is the little extra effort and sincerity changes their opinion from disgust to intrigued.

The second blacked-out bar is her name. And because it's probably inevitable, no, she isn't ugly at all. Her reply dot was "very selective" and I consider her an 8/10. My profile.

On paper: Mysterium by Robert Charles Wilson (halfway through), On Numbers and Games by John Conway (just started).

On audio: midway through both Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman and Pollen by Jeff Noon. After that, looking forward to Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey, recommended by /u/Gatharan in a book-recommendation thread a few weeks back.

As for recommendations? A handful of life-changers and favorites include

• The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks,
• Blue Latitudes and Confederates in the Attic by Tony Horwitz,
• The Ghost Map by Steven Johnson,
• Infinity and the Mind by Rudy Rucker,
• Think and Being Good by Simon Blackburn,
• Justice by Michael Sandel,
• Jennifer Government by Max Barry,
• Motherless Brooklyn by Jonathan Lethem,
• Kraken by China Mieville,
• A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M Miller,
• A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula LeGuin.

Oh, another thing to add: for DC peeps, I highly recommend you come to the National Book Festival, currently scheduled for September 2, probably at the Convention Center again. I've gone with my wife three years running now (started when we were just dating!) and it's always a terrific time. Here's last year's list of presenting authors.

Five messages in a day isn't terrible... But why do you have a picture of you in fake Native American dress?! Not appropriate for Coachella, not appropriate for OKC.

Career-focused guys will probably be turned-off by your non-career-mindedness. And from what I know about it, Portland is full of girls who love "adventure." Hell, the entirety of OKC is.

And this seems sorta shallow to me? When I read "into philosophy," I expect something a little denser than Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

> Books: I love philosophy, travel, and modern era books, but lately I've entered the world of classic fantasy and post apocalyptic novels, and I'm a pretty big fan. The last thing I read was "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values" by Robert Pirsig...it was pretty fantastic.

I think your friend isn't much of a guru, and that this is archaic bullshit.

As with most things in life, I strive for balance. I want to be pursued a bit, and I want to pursue. It's like Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics which actually influenced the Goldilocks story because it usually suggests that with any situation or decision in life there are two extreme choices and one moderate one. Hot, cold, or luke-warm. Aggressive, passive, or assertive. I'm an assertive type, I like other assertive types. I have no qualms asking a person out and never in any universe would I consider it seemingly desperate. I feel like the person who thinks of women like this as desperate has extremely outdated views of propriety.

You're not obligated to reply at all. It helps no one to continue the conversation with a reply. Sun Tzu once said, "There is no instance of a nation benefiting from prolonged warfare."

Yes, online dating is war.

Yes, this is the most insulting way that one could use a quote from "The Art of War".

That's actually a really good idea. You should just copy and paste famous quotes as replies. Or maybe FUN FACTS. Then they could learn something other than finding out that they're ugly.

f.lux

If you're like me and spend quite a bit of time staring at a computer screen, you should use flux

It's noticable for about a week, but then you'll forget you even have it on. Your eyes will thank you though!

I don't really want to repeat myself but 12 messages really? What are we even talking about? I'll leave this link to comparison of attention that different genders get on okcupid. http://www.zdnet.com/article/ten-fake-profiles-one-okcupid-experiment-okcupid-on-trial/

Depends on what you use as a source for language stuff.

Technically, you are right though. Criteria should be plural. Criterion should be singular. In common usage though, it's all jumbled.

That's still much better than blatant ignorance and refusal to learn like in OP's image or in this prime example. It'd literally take take just as long to Google that than to tweet about it, but apparently it's cool now to not know shit, and that's what I dislike in people.

I disagree with your second sentence though. I feel like people would rather skip the question than take their time to find the right answer.

https://www.webmd.com/women/features/vagina-size

“They looked at 100 women who had never been pregnant and found that vagina lengths, unstimulated, range from 2.75 inches to about 3¼ inches. When a woman is aroused, it increased to 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches.”

For anyone really into extreme fitness type stuff:

I have a new short term goal. And it's to learn how to do this. Any tips/weightlifting ideas to make this possible would be great. I imagine I'll have to do a lot more than crunches to achieve this level of greatness.

You said "large musical" and you live in Chicago. According to a quick search on 'Audio Engineer' for 'Chicago' on indeed.com, here are the breakdowns:

• $40,000+ (66)
• $60,000+ (38)
• $80,000+ (13)
• $100,000+ (7)
• $120,000+ (3)

A safe guess puts you at $40+k a year. I then assume you're not that advanced in your career for the following reasons:

• Reddit and okcupid.com are popular among among twenty-somethings.
• You're on reddit during the day... So you're probably not a director with lots of responsibilities and lots of minions to boss around.

You said "large musical", so just not any "off-Broadway" show.

A very reasonable estimate puts you at $60k a year.

>Women aren't masculine. But they're trying real hard to join the club.

Science calls bullshit on this. As someone who prefers assertive, athletic, independent women, it bugs me that the opinions of guys like you are responsible for my dating pool being smaller.

>You sound like someone who's desperately trying be the good boy his teachers tried to make him be.

You sound like someone who's desperately trying to be the "good alpha" his red pill teachers tried to make him be.

And you, sir, are a great candidate for taking a course in sociology, statistics, or psychobiology.

3 PEOPLE BOUGHT HER REALLY EXPENSIVE SHIT.

And she's not even cute.

Time to add my wishlist to my non-dating profile. Wtf.

I'm not totally trusting OP, considering she sounds fine in this vid and she looks fine in this one

That's more melancholy than terrifying...

this is appropriate for the amount of chills it sends and the man baby nature of my most frustrating dates.

> Edit: On android that shows up as the Romanian flag but on pc it shows up as a TD. What the hell?

It's the flag of Chad, not Romania. Its ISO country code is TD. The Chad emoji is a sequence of the letter T and letter D emojis. These display as a single emoji on supported platforms, but otherwise will show as TD.

https://emojipedia.org/flag-for-chad/

>I thought population sex ratio was 1:1

OKC has more men than women.

Culturally, the practice is that men message women. So, while some women choose to message men, very many do not.

How do I get /u/chillraptor to critique my profile?

Edit: my lawyer advised me to place my profile link here, just in case chillraptor decides to generously take me up on my request.

Http://okcupid.com/profile/beardbrobaggins

I posted a thread a little while back that sort of touched on this. For me, my main obstacle that I'm working on is physical. At this point, I'd peg my effort at a 75%, mostly because my focus is partially divided by searching for a new contract right now. Basically, I've been working on weight loss for nearly two years (with a good 8 month lull, up until recently), and while I've clicked back into it, I could probably ramp it up a little more when other areas are a bit more settled.

Even so, based on the feedback I got in that original thread, I reactivated my profile to sort of casually/passively participate as I go through the process. The general consensus seemed to be to work on yourself, but don't remove yourself entirely as you do. Not bad advice, really - I just need to remind myself to stick to the casual part ;)

Edit: I suppose I should clarify, I'm mostly doing it for myself (and for pretty clothes), but I acknowledge the effect it will likely have on the dating situation.

Do you mean paste or is paster something else? Liquitex makes a line of acrylic additives. If you scroll down the Amazon link they have a chart showing different textures for different products, but it sounds like the Liquithick would work for you.

Here's a YouTube video showing some gel medium and molding paste mixes.

Female aspie here. Bonobo and the Artist is great, Predictably Irrational is different but good too. - Don't go too crazy with the PUA stuff though, nothing turns women off faster than a whiff of negging from an insecure guy. There's a fine line between confident and sleaze ball.

I think a lot of us aspie people forget that dating sucks for everyone. When you have negative experiences, let them roll of your back and learn what you could have done differently, when you have positive experiences take the time to be grateful for them too.

For the sake of this comment, I'm just going to assume you know very little about investing, so sorry if my response states some pretty basic concepts.

My first suggestion would be to read a book. I've read The Intelligent Investor and The Little Book of Common Sense Investing which were good but A Random Walk Down Wall Street might be best for someone with very little investing background. By reading a book, you'll get an overview of investing which will give you more investing options than an app and will help you make better investments later.

Next, it's not that the $12 will break the bank, it's just that the app charges you for something you can do for free so why give up that money?

> This means that to achieve the same investment regimen, all you would need to do is schedule an automatic transfer of X amount of money from your checking into your brokerage account, use the same commission free ETFs and not pay anyone an additional X amount to do so.

I think this sums it up pretty well. Apps like Acorns are just doing an automatic transfer for you. If you make an automatic transfer out of your account after payday you won't even miss the money and it's ~free~.

Also, I'm just making an assumption since you mentioned having the ability to buy food but investing should be the last thing to do on your list. First you should save for an emergency fund (in a safe savings account), then fund a 401(k) and/or Roth IRA, then begin investing money you won't need for 30 years.

Overall, I think Acorns does a good job getting people to think about investing but there are better ways to do it. Still, you're ahead of a lot of people by taking your finance seriously. Check out subs like /r/financialindependence for more resources. Good luck.

TRP's errs in two ways:

• 1) It assumes ALL women are manipulative and untrustworthy and ties it to their gender
• 2) It assumes that all men are non-manipulative and trustworthy.

This is TRPs core principle: Men are Trustworthy, Women are not. This is the basis of their misogyny. It actually has little to do with hate or love, but trust. This is why you get a lot of "We love women! We just don't think they're equal" talk and claims about being non-misogynistic.

Which again, is why TRP is really about a past trauma with some important women in your life. Someone really important to them has betrayed them and given them a core belief that women are incapable of giving them the love and support they need. This very quickly leads to a depression as a "life is shitty and un-fair" world view is one of the illnesses hallmarks. The depression becomes masked through endless manipulation and anger.

The whole thing is solidified in a kind of false-enlightenment that creates the name Red Pill. We do a fucking terrible job in this country of teaching men how to be confident, attractive men (the reasons for which I could write a dissertation on). So when something comes along that shows men how to be confident and attractive and it really works, it gets you hook, line and sinker.

I have a lot of empathy for Red Pillers being a cured one myself. If you (or anyone reading this) is looking for another, healthier, happier path. Look up the following:

• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
• Models by Mark Manson
• The Self Illusion by Bruce Hood
• The Men on my Couch by Dr. Brady Engler
• The Art of Zen by Alan Watts
• Tao: The Watercoure Way by Alan Watts

Grab ahold of what interests you and let it take you for a ride.

(I also highly recommend MDMA. :D)

>Movies My favorite movie is Stranger Than Fiction, a smart, quirky comedy that's perfectly cast. My second favorite is Equilibrium, where Christian Bale is much more kickass than as Batman.

>Music I like upbeat music for the most part. I also like rock like Led Zeppelin and The Beatles, as well as electronic stuff like Daft Punk and Propellerheads.

>My two favorite songs right now: The Wombats - Lost In the Post Hellogoodbye - You Sleep Alone

>Books I read a lot of sci-fi, fantasy, and non-fiction such as Dune, The Time Traveler's Wife, The Sirens of Titan, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, Good Omens, Neverwhere, Oryx and Crake, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, The Design of Everyday Things, Moneyball

>TV Archer, Arrested Development, No Heroics, 30 Rock, Modern Family, Conan, Terriers, Firefly

I really need to update the TV section

I wouldn't mind some sort of "this statement is true" upvote system like LinkedIn has for their Skills section.

Everyone seems to love world travel, rock climbing, and high brow literature. I'd like to know how much of that is legit, and how much is "this is who I want to be"/"I think this will impress you".

One girl I messaged listed "Nicomachean Ethics" in her favorite books. I got a degree in philosophy, and I've read plenty of Good Ole' Ari, but fuck... Are you trying to impress me, or did you legitimately enjoy it?

Basically everyone's favorite books list.

Especially: Kurt Vonnegut, Catch 22, Ken Kesey, Siddhartha, Orson Scott Card, Neal Stephenson, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Bukowski, Douglas Adams. BRANCH OUT. if you are in your mid twenties and these are the best things you have read, i have doubts about how much you've read. i also have doubts about whether you are aware that women write books too.

all the book lists that consist of only things assigned in high school. "1984 really made me think!"

all the book lists that are solely science fiction. i love science fiction, but again, branch out. also, SFandF is more than just Asimov, Clarke, Heinlein, and the rest of the dudeverse. If you LIKE something, i want to see that you like it enough to explore it.

all the masturbatory "Great Works" book lists that only list men and the works in question don't really seem to have anything in common except cultural capital.

>an eviscerating journey

Holy shit, what? Is that the word you want to use?

Eviscerate: To remove the entrails of; disembowel.

>Don't go, I miss you already!

Red flag, sounds clingy and emotionally needy, even in jest.

>What I’m doing with my life: Is that you, mother?

Solid joke I like it. But afterwards, you should answer the question.

>On a typical Friday night I am: Wondering where my children are.

Excuse me? Do you actually have kids? If so you need to say that in your details. If not, then this is a BAD thing to put.

Pictures are great, the profile just needs some...tweaking. You should be fine though.

not sure if you already know this, but this info might help you realize something.

If you have firefox go to View --> page source. Ctrl F "rnc"

rnc1 = how many NEW messages (not back and forth replies) they got in the past day.

rnc7 = how many NEW messages they got in the past week.

rsslc= how many seconds it has been since they last received a message.

This info could help a little and make you realize that some girls are overwhelmed and can choose be very picky.

not getting any responses after 7 messages is pretty typical for being a guy. i've almost given up hope and deleted my profile several times times. Haven't pulled the trigger yet, but it isn't easy unless you are pretty good looking. goodluck

This was making the rounds on my FB this morning

I was like, money can't buy you intellect apparently

I'm stoked to be doing yoga six days this week. Very inspired by Kino's teachings this weekend. I'm always in pure awe at seeing a dedicated 10+ year yoga practitioner move and teach. Kino has such immaculate control over her body, evidence of such a massive dedication to her practice, and she was so happy to share her own yoga experiences and knowledge. She's a powerful radiator of light and love!

Tonight I posted the Saturday yoga practice I did alongside the seawall.

Good read, thanks for sharing. For those who don't like it, try reading this guy's point of view after he read this somewhat relevant article.

https://www.discogs.com/user/arachnophilia/collection

i haven't gotten around to adding the older stuff (about half, including most of the classic rock), but in the meantime, i keep a complete google spreadsheet here.

I know it's too late to not be a hassle, but I have a separate privacy.com 'card' for a lot of things I get regularly (or try to, I've been getting lazy) so I can label stuff on my statements better and not have to try to remember did I really get gas at 76?

It hasn't really come up but I think it would be weird to see PIZZA CARD and then Walmart.

Did you get the chip money though?

Yeah, I think Tinder really lowered the bar for all dating sites/apps, and that makes it especially tough if you're a guy. I'm young enough for the bar scene, and I can get more dates in one night from bar hopping than I have gotten in the past year across every dating site I've used (that's not an exaggeration either).

I know what you mean about meetup.com too. I live in a big enough city that you can find an occasional group that's worthwhile going to, but the vast majority of events I've been too have been so damn boring. It's tough though to meet people in a city, I really feel bad for people in small towns because I have no idea how you'd go about meeting someone in a small town.

Other than bars and the internet though, the only real way I've had luck meeting people is through friends of friends. Outside of that, I'm with you, I don't know how else to meet people.

Considering that OKC and Tinder are owned by the same company now, and considering how much more money Tinder makes them, it's not at all surprising they are shoe-horning OKC into the Tinder mold.

https://www.fool.com/investing/2017/08/03/match-group-inc-revenue-rises-as-tinders-paid-memb.aspx

I live near Seattle so that sounds like nothing really. But you have my sympathy for living in Florida.

Mine is in the laundry but it's this.

http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com/okcupid.com

or:

"We're experiencing technical difficulties, try again later" error: Unfortunately, this is OkCupid's message to banned accounts. /r/okcupid cannot help you, but you can read here for more information on what you can do.

According to Alexa, the traffic is at one of the peaks in the past year: http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/okcupid.com

Another "subjective" analysis is the "number of people currently online" number the site displays. I remember like two years ago that number peaking at 100,000, and I think it hit 215,000 just after New Years. But who knows what that number means or if it is true.

Isn't it going to be like 120 degrees in Phoenix this weekend? I would argue neither of you should go out at all!

Confirmed: Excessive heat warning https://weather.com/weather/weekend/l/USAZ0166:1:US

Yay a morning game

I cannot take creative credit for the "Stark in the streets, wildling in the sheets" line. It came from this Best of Craigslist post.

My google-fu isn't so hot right now but here are a couple of articles that explain it more or less:

• http://hubpages.com/hub/Stigma-and-Mental-Illness-Exploring-Derogatory-Terms

• http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2012/sep/06/crazy-talk-language-mental-illness-stigma

In the eight years I have been on okc, I don't think I have ever had a date from okc. I have had dates from Craigslist, Reddit, Match.com, tinder, the gym, and just going to the bar. But never a in-person date from okc. I am next level judgmental though, so it is probably for the better. Regardless, I regret meeting all of them.

PlentyOfFish seems to be better for the older crowd. It's not as pretty, and doesn't have the bells and whistles that OKC has, but I think it eliminates all the non-serious people on OKC who are just there for the quizzes and crap.

> http://okcupid.com/profile/dadjokesforever

The good: you have good taste in TV, good opening thing about being a bunch of cats in a human costume

The bad: came expecting infinite dad jokes, only found one dad joke

The ugly: got a strong feeling you're not actually a bunch of cats in a human costume

>* Appearance

6.5/10

>* Personality

7.5/10

>* Romance

6.5/10

>* Conversation

8.5/10

>* Banging skills

6.9/10

Haven't posted my profile in awhile, but you've all already seen it.

>Age

Aaaallmost 23.

> Where do you live?

In the middle of a desert surrounded by Mormons and mobsters.

>What do you do?

I beg people for money so I can keep my job and spam their mailboxes when they don't give in.

>Relationship status?

Alcoholic.

>What are your holiday plans?

Getting drunk for free at a casino surrounded by other wholesome losers.

> Post your profile (for us to decide how much we want to creep)

no