I've been in that situation before many times, and I still continue to this day. I've recently found that my problem is I tend to put too much emphasis in the end result. Through dating most people (myself included) are trying to see if someone is compatible enough to become their significant other. I tended to focus on getting a girlfriend, and I would do everything in my power to reach that end goal.

Now I'm starting to realize, after many failed dates and flings/short term relationships that while yes, there is an end goal, you have to find someone who you can work with to reach that end goal. I tended to focus on trying to play my cards right and finding out what I needed to do to get what I wanted. Don't get me wrong I still fall into that trap sometimes, but now I'm slowly starting to realize that instead of focusing on what you're doing, you also need to look at the other person: are they the person you want to put yourself out there for? Are they someone who is worth the time and effort? Are they someone who you can fit into your life? Are they someone you want in your life?

The main bottom line of what I've realized is instead of focusing on the goal of getting into a relationship with that other person, focus more on the process of actually getting to know them.

Dating is frustrating, its a real bitch and it takes a number of many failed attempts before you find a catch. Its all a numbers game at the end of the day. But at the same time, if you want to get love/sex then you need to put yourself out there

Edit: If you havent read Models by Mark Manson, its one of the better dating books out there in the sense that it doesn't teach you to use tricks to get girls, its all mindset

As a black man constantly seeing: "No blacks", "Only into white guys", and if race is category in their preferences it would be just white or everything but black.

In my college years around 2009, my friend had a match.com account, and when we were hungover in the morning we would play a game of which women would include black men in their preferences. The % was very low.....

Trust me on this. Let me tell you a short story. There was a girl that I met when I was 25. We hit it off immediately. Great time together. We didn't sleep together the first night, but I liked her. She said she wanted to take it slow. I respected that, that is who she is. We probably hung out 1 or 2 times a week and finally slept together after a couple months. She was very into me. After 4 months or so, she was wanting to marry me without me even asking her to marry me or anything.

We got to talking as couples do. I basically found out that she was not that kind of girl. She simply made me wait. Most of the guys she has been with are hookups.

I broke up with her basically right then and don't regret it one bit.

My advice is go on match.com or something non tinder-ish and meet guys. If you don't really like them and don't see them being serious relationship material then don't see them again and don't even kiss them. If you hit it off with a guy, don't make him wait past the second date, rock his world and he will appreciate it and feel like a king and want you to be in his life

The Game is barely an advice book. It's a cautionary tale.

Look into Models by Mark Manson and I think you'll find it has some more solid advice in it. It's premise is the exact opposite of that fake manipulative PUA stuff

Tinder would be ideal for hookup, but relationships? Listen, online dating is just a huge business scam, from Match.com to any of those websites are platforms designed to prey on the desperate and take their money. Meet girls in real life, go to a bar, club or whatever and talk to them in person. Body language and stuff like that are more plausible than sitting behind a screen talking to god knows who that is on the other end. Online dating is also filled with scam profiles who try to steal money. Not gonna lie I have met and had sex with a few girls off these apps but it was just a one night stand.

You need to make specific plans for dates. Like "do you want to get coffee Wednesday afternoon. I know this good little cafe I want to take you too." Or "let's meet for a drink at Bar x Thursday night, say around 8?"

Also I would recommend the book Models by Mark Manson. It's not a pickup book, but more how to interact with people.

u/3Milo3,

1) Meetup.com--pick multiple groups of interest

2) Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

3) David Deangelo audio CD's

4) " You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck" by Lisa Hoehn

​

Learn. Implement. Succeed.

All the best.

Not a unique problem, happens to a lot of guys.

You lack experience since you said you were with your ex for 12 years, so basically from age 17 to 29? One woman?

You just have performance anxiety.

https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/sexual-performance-anxiety-causes-treatments#1

Rather than worry about pleasing your woman try to relax and be in the moment! You are worthy!!

Have you tried online dating? I know that some dating apps are mainly used for hook-ups, but there are more serious apps for LTR such as match.com or CMB. Also, there's meet up. You can join groups and possibly find someone with a shared interest!

I know its tough out there, but don't give up.

Tinder works on a PC: https://tinder.com/

Okcupid used to be a good option. It is ok now.

Coffee meets bagel seems popular on reddit. I think you can do it on PC with this guide: http://www.appspcdownload.com/coffee-meets-bagel-for-pc/

PoF is 90% bots and 10% meh. Their search function likes to show options out of the search. There was one person who was great on paper and we had a great conversation. Then I looked at city on google maps (because POF doesn't say how far away they are) and realized they were 100 miles one way.

I dated a couple people off OKC and Tinder each

Soccer. Perfect. Join a local recreational league.... you can also try like meetup.com and just join social groups or board game groups or anything really that sounds fun to you.

> I'll be afraid that I'm going to say or do something that will cause them to feel threatened or cause them to lose interest.

This is your problem, buddy. It's disingenuous and frankly insulting to treat women like children. They are adults, let them set their boundaries themselves. They can smell you're full of shit too. Who cares if you say something stupid? Women want an honest confident man who wants them for them and who will share himself with them.

A byproduct of sharing oneself is that some women will be horribly turned off by your imperfections. However, the ones that aren't will be really into you. Recognise that you are a sexual man and already good enough for the women around you.

If you have low self-esteem, improve yourself: get in shape, upgrade your wardrobe, improve your social skills. You also need to get in the habit of forming emotional connections with women otherwise she'll only think you're interested because she's hot.

I recommend you read Models by Mark Manson or read his free blog on his website.

The cockiness and mind games that you brought up are not necessary to attract women. Dating advice that falls into that category is a way for individuals with weaker confidence to fake it.

You don't need to approach women in that way, and you can find success without going down that route.

If you are open to it, I suggest reading the book Models by Mark Manson. It explains the ideas of false versus true confidence. You don't need to be someone else to attract women. You can do it with honesty and vulnerability.

I'll say the best one is probably Match.com. Eharmony has a lot of questions for you to answer and for you to get a good match, the other person has to answer all those questions too.

You don't tell a girl "I want to be FWB" randomly out of the blue, your problem isn't that you're not white, it's that you lack basic social awareness.

You need to be getting laid first consistently before worrying about what kind of ongoing situation / labels you are going to have on a relationship, FWB or otherwise.

Matches? Let me guess, you're relying completely on dating apps which have 9 dudes for every 1 girl. Good strategy bro. Tinder is owned by match.com along with most dating apps, their only interest is making as much money as possible, not your success.

Maybe you should try looking at Match.com and see if the dating pool in your area interest you. You can create a free account and look through the data pool based on your preferences. If you are interested, wait for like the sales to happen when you buy the subscriptions. My friends joined when it was like 50 bucks for 6 months.

u/lovelybun48,

the answer is simple: focus on having fun.

Seriously, people like fun people. Having fun makes people want to be around you.

Trying Meetup.com or communicating fun thing/activities that you regularly do will attract people who like those things. I promise, focus on having/being fun and you'll get more dates (where as focusing on "great conversation" will not get you there).

​

Best wishes!

Honestly, speaking as a (hopefully quite successful) 25m... your kid would turn me off.

Idk where most guys fall on the spectrum with stuff related to this, but here's my 0.02$:

I'm skeptical of kids to begin with. Almost every adult who I regard as intelligent has told me not to have them, and even the ones who advocate for me to do so *purely on the aforementioned (hopeful) success I've had and (hopeful) success I will continue to have* has told me to only do so when I've absolutely found the right person, and when I'm absolutely in a position to afford whatever it is that may come up in life, because, once you have a kid, *anything can happen*.

So, I may not want kids of my own, and even if I were to consider, I'd have to be well-enough off to be able to afford whatever may happen.

As such, seeing someone with a kid is a definite no in my book, regardless of who the person may be, or how awesome their kid is in turn. It's a hard no for me.

The punchline: most guys feel this way, even if they don't know it, or won't out-rightly say it. We're petrified of kids. We don't want to think about them, outside of a hopeful blissful fantasy, or a harrowing nightmare where our GF says she's pregnant.

So, while not *every* guy thinks this way, not by a long-shot, *a lot* of them do. And I guarantee more than a few of those guys you mentioned didn't pursue any further because of your kid, they just didn't want to say it, or don't know that that's how they feel.

I'm not sure what to say other than that. It will be *very* discouraging from your perspective, as your pool of personally date-able men will drastically shrink. If you're using apps, stop. Try Match.com maybe, where you can be way more forward about stuff like that.

Photography is a huge one. You can start with landscape or urban photography, but I would really recommend to focus on portraits and street photography if you want to meet with new people.

- Having a professional-looking camera allows you to approach people on the street and ask to take their picture. If they like it, you can then ask for their social media to send them the photo! I've done it a bunch of times, never had negative reactions.

- Having a portfolio of good work allows you to connect with models, stylists and make-up artists to arrange the photoshoots! You get to work with incredibly attractive and sociable people and to have an opportunity to form a professional network.

- Learning photography will help you get better photos for your dating app profile. We all know that good pics are tremendously important for dating app success, and from what I've seen, the majority of photos are far away from greatness. It's a low hanging fruit for you to pick, and you can use photofeeler to judge if the photo is good or not.

- And taking photos of each other in a cool location is a fantastic date activity!

If you have any questions, ask me, I'll gladly let you know where to start.

My two suggestions are read this: 7 principles (works for more than just marriage)

And quickly review this: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Breakup being similar to divorce.

Set boundaries, tell her how things make you feel in the context of you, and when she breaks your boundaries, follow through with your consequences (what ever you decide, typically small at first then escalating).

Sometimes you'll find though, that you're the only one giving and they'll never try. I wasted 26 years on two wives that wouldn't even meet me 10% of the way.

Work to make it good for you (is she even meeting any of your needs?) but if she won't, GTFO!

Good luck, relationships are hard!

You two should try playing this game called Halos and Sins together- it'll get him away from whatever he is doing online and focused on you! https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.courageousgames.halosandsins&hl=en\_US&gl=US

It’s 25% avoidant, 25% anxious, 50% secure. And these are numbers from the official book about attachment theory called ATTACHED https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139/ref=nodl_

Idk where you’re getting your percentages from but they’re wrong.

On Amazon here

I got the kindle version but it has worksheets in so would have preferred a paper copy ideally.

I have been in a long distance relationship with a guy I met on an internship abroad. I am from Australia and he was from Italy so you can only imagine how the time difference affected us. Initially it was very hard for us. It seemed so difficult just to pick up the phone and text him. So we both did some research and tried out different things, and also a couple of apps. The one that stood out for us is this one: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.pacsquare.nujjapp

So in addition to providing a safe haven for the both of us, this app is amazing in the sense that if you dont have time to chat with your partner, you can just shake your phone and the app will send a 'nudge' to your partner, kind of to tell her that you are thinking about her. Plus, you know how it gets so hard to just text sometimes when you are at work or running errands? This ways she will at least feel that she is on your mind. Hope this helps!

You have to breath man. If she's going on dates with you it means she's interested. Hell she even said that she likes you. You are most definitely being insecure but being aware of it is good. It means you an put yourself in situations to distract yourself.

Right now it looks like you are self-sabotaging. You are spiraling and going down a rabbit hole that isn't worth it. Why? Because you are going on your first date and you are looking for any excuse for it not to work because you are scared.

So what to do. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and being desired. If she is messing around with other guys it has nothing to do with you and she's not a slut either, it just means that you want different things, that being said you don't know so don't make assumptions. Innocent until proven guilty and you are not to create fake evidence.

Take it slow. You are going 0-100 real quick and now you have to slow down. Enjoy your moments together and not rush into things. It's around this point some guys may try and force a relationship. You need to have other things going on in your life and hell maybe even start dating other people. If you do like her then keep going on dates and live in the moment. She's on those dates with you, not the other guy who likes her stuff. For all you know he could be her gay best friend or something.

If it is in fact too much to handle then take a break. Get some fucking confidence and work through your shit. See a therapist, start socializing more and meet more women, start making friends, and do shit you love. Hell read some books too. I highly recommend Models by Mark Manson to start creating a life worth living. Once you start working on yourself and practice healthy habits then you will develop the skills to be in a healthy relationship. You can start now by going on those dates and remind yourself that you are awesome and if it doesn't work out then oh well.

>Didn't think I would see a red-piller turn back

Had I continued another year, I would have been beyond saving. It's fascinating looking at TRPer attitudes these days. They're all scared little children, and I don't mean that patronizingly or insultingly. I mean their maturity levels have not developed past a very young age.

>Models by Mark Manson

It's really weird that this is even considered a red pill book. That book helped me immensely in recovering from narcissism because it taught me to expose myself emotionally and face the risks from that rather than be something I'm not - the complete opposite of "red pill" views that are basically just "BE AS ALFALFA AS POSSIBLE NOT BE BEETROOT MALE."

You know what? I think I'll do it. I'll go and I'm not going to have "I want to have sex with her so I can affirm my own worth" in my head. I'm going to do my damndest to be a normal human being about it. I'm going to ask her about herself, genuinely show interest, and if that leads to nothing, so be it. At worst it'll condition me to not desperately try to manipulate very variable to have the most ego-fulfilling outcome; at best I'll have found a life partner. A win-win either way.

One day everything will just click and they'll be all over you like white on rice. Projecting confidence can go a long way to showing women you are approachable. Also if you feel down in the dumps sometimes buying something nice like new boots, a coat, or hell a whole new outfit can make you feel better and get the confidence rolling on short notice. Or if you're in to reading I would highly recommend Models by Mark Manson to get yourself in a good mindset.

Its just a f**king date. Its 2.99

If you want to date, have a long term relationship, don't hookup. If you give men sex, there is no more challenge, if you make the guy wait and were you can find out if this guy is the right person.

>Lets be honest about these non-dating relationships ... women generally think that if they agreeable to less than dating and they ride it out that it will eventually lead to something more serious whereas many guys think that if woman are agreeable to less dating that its the shortcut to having sex without the responsibility of a relationship.

I’m a inch shorter and it’s not a problem .your only as inferior as you make yourself, and confidence will make you look 6ft. These are good . Give you a couple inches

https://www.amazon.com/Height-Increase-Insole-3-Layer-Cushion/dp/B07CYZGB3G/ref=asc_df_B07CYZGB3G/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=533468711706&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=10933758731904346066&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&am...

I know Wales! I took Welsh on Duolingo for nearly two years, and can remember phrases like "Dw i'n hoffi coffi" and "Mae rhaid iddyn nhw". Ended up quitting after I got discouraged at how long the course was, and the fact that nobody in Texas speaks Welsh lol

That's big government liberals for ya. Their own elites (like a lot of Democrat politicians in California) don't play by the rules themselves, but they hypocritically blame "young people" or others for being "irresponsible". It's disgusting, really. Thank you for understanding, if you are ever able to flee you are more than welcome to hang out here. Upvote for you!

https://tinder.com/@steve23415 I sent this to op but would also like other people's opinions too, thank you for your guys help. Also should I put in my profile that I have autism or is it something to wait to tell people.

Here is my profile. I do not value Tinder, nor set the odds really high. But trying unexpected things could have unexpected results. Who knows? Not me. Thank you, kind redditor(s?) https://tinder.com/@paolo9

https://tinder.com/@chunkylver99 A little nerve racking, but I'll take the help! My bio: The goal is to have a house in the country with around 3 dogs. I play bass guitar, I like picking up heavy things and I make homemade wine from Welch's Grape Juice.

Willing to get help, though I have asked many female friends/family members and most love my profile, yet I barely get a dozen matches before the profile just dies and I reset.

https://tinder.com/@certainly_not_harry

Tried to optimise as much as possible - minimal selfies, good full body shots to show im somewhat in shape, pictures with friends/animals/doing things I like, humorous bio with basic info about me but leaves enough that people can ask questions, and so on.

I'd try to get some friends first. If you don't have some support through friends, family or hobbies, you'll just come off as too needy... well you WILL be too needy.

When you said meetups, did you mean meetup.com? You could try that and other sites like that to hang out with some people that have similar interests. Heck, you even might meet a girl during one of the meetups, but I wouldn't go into it expecting to meet a girl. Just go to socialize and loosen up a bit around unfamiliar people.

>Well I can only say my current face and body isn't getting me anywhere with getting matches online

I don't have any details about that to comment on.

>no matter how many different pictures or nice outfits

That can work against you. If it looks like you are peacocking they will think you are too "full of yourself" or it will just come across too fake. It looks "try-hard".

>I don't want to go back to bars and clubs at my age which are just as superficial and cold as online.
>
>So this is all I have left.

You still have to build a social life somehow. The highest number of babies born in the US was the later 1940s and early 1950s when there was no internet and the phone was mounted on the kitchen wall with a 6-foot cord. If you wanted to see someone you had to go over to their house and knock because only the rich had real doorbells. Ironically the lowest birthrates are NOW, with the Internet and Online Dating. Why people can't put two and two together and figure that out mystifies me,...just shows how "lost" western society is.

The online stuff is just screwed up, it's lazy, and treats finding someone as if you were ordering a pizza or something,...and if you can apply just the right toppings you get the girl of your dreams. It is BS and cancerous to real romantic relationships.

Meetup.com could be one option to build a real in-person social life. You said "at my age" which implies you are a little older which will fit right in with that majority of people on Meetup.com.

Hey man,

So - I won't pretend I'm an expert, but I'm a fellow nerd (IT - Systems Admin) and the advice I have to offer does not address what matters most (you as a person, and maybe the areas of opportunity to grow):

• Try connecting with women who share common interests and focus on those interests first without worrying about dating potential. You play in a band (hey me too!, so perhaps trying to be more social within your local scene could help)
• If your interests do not provide much opportunity, look into things that may interest you that involve a social component. Arts classes, dancing, glass blowing, jiu jitsu/martial arts, something!
• Interest groups within your own school
• Maybe there are community groups for people with autism in your area? Try MeetUp.com for that.

Maybe you noticed the theme - which is to get out into the world, if you aren't already.

That said - if you feel lonely, I'm sorry. Loneliness can feel crushing and non-transient at times. I think if you asked around, more people would say they also feel lonely than you think.

If you feel that you have self-imposed challenges, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with speaking to a therapist (heck, one of my close cousins on the spectrum did specifically to address his inability to connect with women and his loneliness, and he found it insightful).

What do YOU think is holding you back specifically?

The only way to meet a person with similar interests as you is by doing those things, and everytime you meet someone you're potentially meeting their network of people. Your best bet is checking out a site like meetup.com their app is great too, or try to find a club of something you're interested in close to you.

Meetup.com is one tool that may facilitate it.

Relationships are the result of a successful social life with good social skills,...relationships are not what brings your life together and gives you social skills.

Hey man, congrats! Go for it dude. YOu got nothing to lose! Just curious, what type of meetup was it? I was looking on meetup.com but honestly wasn't sure where to go from there.. Anyone have any suggestions? It seems like most of the people on there are way older than me (22M) so I'm getting de-motivated on doing it.

How did people meet before cell phones? Before the Internet?

They had lives. The highest number of babies occurred during the late 1940's when calling someone on the phone farther than 5 miles away incurred long distance charges, and the phone was mounted on the kitchen wall with a 6 foot cord and everyone in the house could hear your conversation.

Build a social life and meet people through that. Meetup.com is one good place to start.

Relationships are the result of having you life together,....they aren't the duct tape that holds it together.

Online Dating is the cancer of the dating culture. Stay away from it.

Build a social life and meet people through that where you can pre-screen people before you even get to the dating question. Relationships are the result of having your life together,...they are not the duct tape that holds it together.

Meetup.com may be a good place to begin with the networking process and see what meet up groups are in your area.

See if Meetup.com has any meetup groups in your area.

Introversion is not a big problem. Being nervous (shy) is a big problem,...you have to work through that . There is no magic pill.

Target women who seem to be a little more like you are. They might be going to parties but hate it the same as you do,...but they go because they think they have to. To a point they are correct, they have to at least to some extent,...and so do you. I'm an introvert,...I go to parties,...and I don't even drink alcohol.

Build a social life. Meet people through that. Relationships are the result of having your life together,...they are not the duct tape that brings and holds it together.

Meetup.com is a good place to start to try to build a social life.

Build a social life and meet people through that. Meetup.com is a god place to start. Relationships are the result of having your life together,...relationships are not the duct tape that holds you life together. On the rest, if you say you don't have a clue, then you can get a clue with the book "How to be a 3% Man".

>Is this a possibility? How do you see it from your perspective? And is a social life needed for dating? I’m not a needy person either, so clinginess wouldn’t be an issue. I quite enjoy my alone time.

It is possible but way more difficult. So yes, a social life it very important. Besides just the logistics of meeting people it also gives you "social proof". Women aren't interested in guys who seem to have "no life".

Meetup.com may be an option for you. See if there are any groups in your area that you can use to build a social life.

You have to build a social life. Meetup.com is a good option for doing that.

Relationships are the result of having your life together,...they are not the duct tape that holds your life together.

>I matched with the girl on bumble.

Then you didn't "get out there",...all you did was pick up a phone with an App on it.

>We talked continuously for about 3 weeks and within that time I got to know her a little bit,

The phone is for setting dates. THE DATE is for getting to know someone. I set the date in the first message session on the rare occasion that I ever use OLD. I'm not there for a pen pal.

> massively disappointed, the person who came up to me wasn’t the person in the pictures

Welcome to Online Dating. The "cancer of the dating culture". Get away from it.

Build a social life and meet people through that so that you can pre-screen them long before you think about getting a date with them. But if they "pass" the pre-screening then go for the date quickly before they start to think of you as "just a friend".

Meetup.com is a good option for building a social life.

It is Tinder!!!! The cancer of the dating culture. There is no way in the world that a guy who is attractive as you make him sound,...only has one option waiting on Tinder. He probably has a list he is going down. Now that always happens with attractive women (wish guys would figure that out) but if the guy is attractive the same can happen to him.

So:

1. He may honestly had a trip come up. It happens
2. But he most likely also had a list of women on Tinder waiting and unfortunately you just got bumped out of the running. How will you know? You will know if he contacts you sometime later on to re-do the date. If he does, decide if you want to do it. But if he does not then don't worry about it.

Get away from the toxic Online Dating and build a social life, then meet people via your social life where you can pre-screen people before you even get near a date. Meetup.com is a good way to do that if there are some good active groups in your area.

You remind me a bit of myself when I was a little younger, based on your description. I found myself in a somewhat similar predicament in a southern city. If you're the kind of person who can't tell when someone's into you (for whatever reason), it can be a bit difficult starting out, especially if you're not necessarily familiar with local social scenes.

I'd suggest going to Meetup.com and find groups that do activities you're interested in. Avoid the singles groups like the plague - they reek of desperation more often than not. But by going to meetup groups, I was able to find a great group of people, some of whom have become friends outside of the group, and who have introduced me to other nice people. As part of this process, there were definitely some prospective dating partners I came across (even though my eventual gf was someone I met on OKC), but it had the added benefit of finding some interesting people with a shared interest that gives a great initial point of connection.

Just give it a little time - it was about a year before I had any serious dating prospects in my new city (that I knew of).

> I don't know what I am missing.

Online Dating is the cancer of the dating culture and I probably owe cancer an apology for saying that. OLD attracts the worst society has to offer and brings out the worst in all involved. Stay away from it.

>Or if I should be more aware of things.

You were not the only woman involved. You should never expect that you are the only one with OLD because you will almost never be the only one.

> I'll keep trying to meet someone genuine but this one did hurt.

Build a social life and meet people via your social life where you can screen guys better before you even get involved with them to begin with. Meetup.com is one good tool for doing that.

Shy and introvert don't mean the same thing. If you are shy you have to work to get over that,..it is learned behavor. Introverted is not a problem, it just means you have to get away from the crowd once in a while to emotionally recharge.

Build a social life and meet people through that. A good source for that is Meetup.com

As I say daily here. Online Dating is the cancer of the dating culture.

Build a social life and meet people though that. You also want to have the kind of social life that will attract the kind of person you are looking for. One good source that should have a lot of option in NYC is Meetup.com. Join groups and go to activities through that,...meet people through that.

Meetup.com is a great place to start if you live in a area that has some good active Meetup Groups. I believe it is always better to focus on a social life first and let dating just be a natural outcome of it, rather than going straight after dating with no foundation supporting you. "Finding someone" is never going to "fix" you. But if you "fix" yourself, finding someone will happen naturally.

As far as Online Dating,...about 15-20 times a day I refer to it as the Cancer of the Dating Culture,...and I stand by that.

I'm not familiar with the book Getting Back Out There that was mentioned but the author does sound familiar. There is another book I am well acquainted with that I think is really good. It is How to be a 3% Man. The focus of it is Self-Improvement for men, within the context of dating and relationships, and it was life changing for me.

Go to Meetup.com and create a Singles Group, then use that to organize and list Speed Dating Meetup events.

The Singles Meetup group I am in, in the mid-west has 4,600 members

Screw Online Dating. It is a cancer on the dating culture.

Build a social life in real life, with real people. Meet prospects through that.

Meetup.com may be a place to start.

1. Art/making things (Positive)
2. Anime (Negative)
3. Geek culture (Weird,...unless she is Greek)
4. Design (Neutral)
5. Cooking (Positive)
6. Cocktails (Positive)
7. Plants (Neutral)
8. Comedy (Positive)
9. Yoga (Weird,...don't be the weird guy in a Yoga room with 30 women, they will think you are there just to pick up chicks)
10. Restoration (kind of goes along with Design)

Find something through meetup.com

Online Dating is a societal cancer,...get away from it.

Meet people via your social life. If you don't have a social life then it is time to figure it out. Bars are not the only thing out there.

Try Meetup.com

Take it from this 23M who has most of these points and had a mental breakdown in my senior year from loneliness.

If you know what you love; tastes, hobbies, etc. join college clubs that reflect those hobbies, look for groups or businesses in the college town, or on meetup.com. You may bond with someone over those hobbies, you might not, but just being among people and finding a community is better then twiddling your thumbs in your dorm.

I suffer from anxiety and my depression sometimes kicks in and dating is NOT healthy. There's a lot of crappy people out there and one needs to be strong and confident and brush off a lot of things of your shoulder. As someone who is not ready for a relationship (as I determined last week) I noticed it is MUCH better for my sanity to be on my own. What I have done is joined meetup.com I am going to a pumpkin patch we are going to do teams and race against each other in a maze, we are doing a guac off everyone makes guac and we pick the yummiest of the bunch, we are going to watch terminator sooo many fun things. No pressure from dating just meeting ppl and having fun. Maybe you can try and find one in your area?

I’m a photography enthusiast. Read/watch videos on how to pose men. This will tell you how to pose yourself, you are, after all, your own photographer.

https://www.amazon.com/Photographing-Men-Lighting-Techniques-Photography/dp/013443305X/ref=sr_1_22?crid=25IGGXYSMYBIB&keywords=photography+posing&qid=1666750790&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI0LjQ1IiwicXNhIjoiMy42MSIsInFzcCI6IjMuNjIifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=photography+posing%2Caps%2C82&sr=8-22

Is the book I used to teach myself to take high school senior pictures of boys. Maybe your local library has it.

Get this book "How to be a 3% Man" read/listen to it several ( 9+ ) times. Each time a different part may hit you. Also look up on YouTube "Corey Wayne" as he has TONs of videos, a lot will be tge book telyou to look them up. He talks exactly about what you are asking in many areas. BTW, when she said "I need time." You failed by texting and sending her presents, she said she wanted space to see if you would allow her vs either being controlling or insecure. You should have simply said "I'll give you your space, text me when you are ready to talk and go out again." Then that's it, you don't check in on her, don't say "miss you" or "hey you free this weekend?" You have to walk away. You might even start looking for another match with a different woman.You haveto have tge mindset "Her loss, not mine." If she is interested in you she will get back to you, if not you won't have wasted time on someone that is not in to you. It's a hard mentality, yet in dating you need it ir you'll only find breadcrumbs, not tge cake you are looking for.

https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams-ebook/dp/B004QOBAPK?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=9dfbf340-6b3c-4bc7-b51a-7a2f375a004e

You don't need to touch someone to show sexual interest. You need to flirt. Hard. See if she's receptive. You need to hint at the desire for something more physical between the two of you while not being blatant (which makes guys creepy).

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-flirt-with-finesse-1781881776

I don't suggest being grabby with your date because that doesn't play well in my book (at all) but on a first date, it's okay to put your arm around her during a movie or touch her hand or arm during conversation. Just don't touch a part of her body that's covered by clothing or her face.

A nice gift box with a bow on it containing soap, deodorant, toothpaste and mouthwash would be a good way to start. {Being completely serious here. If someone is in their 30s and isn't staying clean, there's no subtle way to approach it} Maybe add this book to the gift box. https://www.amazon.com/If-You-Dont-Take-Bath/dp/1543901638

Some guys like 5-10% are into fat women it is a fetish but its a kinda common one. But, understand that it is a fetish so don’t count on it. Most guys will like you in spite of being fat not because it. I am not going dump a women because one part of her is imperfect.

Like would’t you look past physical imperfections if a guy is fun to be around? A man who makes you laugh is worth more than like an uncool beard. Or going bald at 26 or whatever. No guy is perfect and you don’t demand perfection so nor do we.

As for evidence of what men like. Google did some analysis of it. Men are into fatter women than they say. Google compared survey data to porn search data and dating app data. Most porn is owned by one company Mind Geek and 90% of dating apps are owned by Match. So getting the data was easy. The book is called everyone lies.

good book

Check out the book in this link.

Amazon: How to text a girl

Yeah, I hate it when they just assume and base their decisions on that... I do have experience sexually and was told I'm a really good kisser. Also I memorized the book She Comes First, I intend to make it the most sexually fulfilling experience for her. Unfortunately, didn't get to that point yet.

https://www.amazon.com/Comment-Faire-Livre-Poche-French/dp/2253009105

Le premier est traduit. Je ne sais pas pour les autres, mais il existe des dizaines de bouquins francais focalisés sur la conversation.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1658410735&sr=8-1

It could be that you have been conditioned to be so nice that you are a pushover. I went from being self centered in my early 20's to becoming so nice that I was a bit of a pushover in my mid to late 20s. There is a space inbetween being a self centered jerk and being a pushover. That is what works best in relationships and life. (Also, and I hate to say this, I had a lot more success as a self centered jerk than as a pushover. Although being well rounded person who takes care of themselves and others has been better than both. It can be hard to get to that spot.)

I am going to give you some knowledge that is going to change your life.

Are you ready?

You are in control of you!

Your body has auto-pilot, but you train that auto-pilot how to act.

That auto-pilot includes stuffing your face with snacks.

Get the app: MyFitnessPal and log your food.

Once you start logging your food, you will understand why you are fat and you will start taking steps to control your food intake.

Get a scale that measures body fat, you can get them on Amazon.

Weigh yourself in the morning, your phone can track your progress.

Now here is the important thing, you need to set your weight loss at 500grams per week, MAX, if you do more than that, you might be in trouble of atherosclerosis

Might I suggest a book?

A Billion Wicked Thoughts by Ogi Ogas.

This book looks at what people find attractive in potential partners, and possible reasons why. Men, women, heterosexual and homosexual. This presents what makes that part of our psyche tick. I found the book to be interesting and eye-opening. Truly surprised by this one.

Yes, I am in a position to tell you leave your religion. You have no idea how badly you've been brainwashed by it. It is distorting your development if you are worried about "the one" at fifteen years old. I have the perspective to realize how screwed up this is, therefore I am in that position.

I'll tell you what, don't take it from me. Do a little reading on your own.

White I agree some people use sex as a selfish form of validation, there are other reasons for this behavior. As a man with a high libido, I often judged myself for these thoughts. Suspend judgement for a moment and imagine having the best, most intimate loving sex with a partner, then going for a walk five minutes later and having sexual thoughts about the first woman who walks by...it's baffling really. I'm a man, and raised as a catholic (but no longer), so I had immense guilt around these feelings. So I spoke to a therapist about it and she talked to me about instinct.

Did you know that a significant amount of our predecessors were not monogamous? One particular primate species would have sex without bonding and then suddenly move on to the next mate. Now again, in no way do I think this is an excuse for immature, poor relationship skills. But nobody can ignore the effect that millions of years of this led up to the development of the human brain we have. And of course the other side of the coin are female instincts, for example the tendency of some heterosexual women to generally use financial stability as criteria in choosing of men. Right or wrong, it's what we're dealing with. Here's a book that I read that goes deeper into this topic, a very very interesting read for anyone interested.

Yep, what he described is reminiscent of a trauma-healing exercise relating to self-bodywork and boundaries. Might have been this one. There are several. People are generally so clueless about our bodies, I find. Willfully so.

Do you have access to therapy? My last breakup was literally my push to finally get a therapist, because I was worried that my anxiety was harming my relationships. (I have GAD.) I also realized that I didn't grow up with a healthy model of romantic relationships, so I wanted to make sure I didn't screw up my next relationship.

I'm currently reading a book about attachment styles. Maybe this would help you?

With my anxiety, I basically just work to cut off the "what if" thoughts in my head. My brain gets scared that my partner will get tired of me? "Well, they've actually been pretty great, and things are going well, so I don't need to worry about this. And even if they did decide to break up with me one day, experience shows that I will bounce back." My brain worries that I'm being annoying or needy? "Well they haven't said anything, and they've already agreed to tell me if I'm being too needy, so this probably means I'm just overthinking again." And so on. It's a lot of work, and I now have a therapist to help if I'm struggling with all the cycling. But I'm better at it than I was in my earlier relationships.

Thank you!

I wish so badly I could introduce you to some of the guys I know who are further along the path than you are.

You might check out the book Once a King Always a King, about a Latin King in Chicago trying to start over. His first book is about his life in the gang, but probably wouldn't be super interesting to you. His book about getting out of prison and trying to start over is super interesting though.

My friend is in the documentary The Interrupters on PBS. It's about a bunch of former gang members doing violence intervention, and it has the concept of violence as a disease that I was talking about. (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1319744/)

I don't know where it's available to watch online at the moment.

By the same person, you might look into the book American Summer, especially the chapters about Eddie Bocanegra, who is the man who formed the organization that pairs people on the street with combat vets, and also is the one who brings flowers to people on the anniversary of the death of his victim. The author spends a few chapters on him, and the way he is reckoning with what he's done, and how to heal. https://www.amazon.com/American-Summer-Love-Death-Chicago/dp/0385538804

(By the way, I work with dogs and I have a special place in my heart for all pit bulls, so thank you so much for the work you do with them!)

I recommend reading the book "Don't Believe Everything You Think" - it's helped me with overthinking:

https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Believe-Everything-You-Think/dp/B09WPP7R6S/ref=pd\_lpo\_1?pd\_rd\_i=B09WPP7R6S&psc=1

You're but one of a steadily growing number of men. A full 1/3 of men between 18-30 have never had sex.

Give up, don't give up, only you can decide that. What you need to accept and be ok with is the likelihood of success.

If you want to maximize your chances you have to become what women want/demand.

Be tall (6ft+) Be attractive (genetic lottery) Be fit (six pack, blah blah blah) Be rich (xxx,xxx income minimum) Have status (blue check mark on insta is an example)

You can aquire 3 of those 5 with enough hard work and dedication, but even then it's not guaranteed.

Nobody decent person would blame you if you wanted to bow out completely. What is expected of men today is unattainable for most men.

If you want the real literal hard numbers I highly recommend you read Aaron Clareys "Book of Numbers". Warning: The figures and numbers used in the book, while entirely truthful, paint a very bleak.

https://www.amazon.com/Book-Numbers-Analyzing-Pursuit-Women/dp/B08PXK14T7

why don't u buy this

I would highly recomend this book.

It recommends many "seduction" type techniques but for those in a loving committed relationship

The Married Man Sex Life Primer

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=sr_1_1?crid=197WKY52YEGKC&keywords=sex+and+the+married+man&qid=1648934116&sprefix=sex+and+the+married+%2Caps%2C805&sr=8-1

​

I would highly recommend this book.

Paulas Choice--SKIN PERFECTING 2%... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00949CTQQ?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Trust me you’ll thank me. This is by far the only thing that’s kept my skin under control. I had severe cystic acne most of my teenage years and went through Accutane 4 times. This on top of benzoyl peroxide, a really good moisturizer, and using Differen for years finally kept my skin maintainable and looking good too. Of course I still get the occasional cyst but no where near as bad. But that toner was the biggest difference I’ve seen in all my years of finding something that worked.

They aren’t cheap but like they say, beauty is expensive. Just think of it as an investment to your self esteem, not so much other peoples opinion. It’s natural to have acne, and a blessing for those who don’t. I’m not a salesmen, and I usually don’t over hype things unless they really shocked me, also is the only toner that doesn’t over dry my skin and makes it look dehydrated.

Use that and Rovectin Clean Water Moisturizer. Water moisturizers really help replenish the skins barrier after using harsh chemicals and with these two combinations with whatever wash works for you, it’s awesome. First time since I first started having acne I’ve been told my skin looks good!

You get dates? The only dates I get are the dried fruit type.

Palestinian Medjoul Dates Grade 2 (Large) - Box of 900g https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00UZ8LOAC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apan_glc_i_S4WVHFJDHMK7JZ3YHK5D?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I highly recommend reading this book about attachment styles. It will give you so much great information for dealing with adult relationships.

https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

> maybe if you spent less time on reddit inside your moms basement and went outside for once

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Oh, it's the crypto scammer

• who has deleted his scam posts.

Here is an example of how scammy u/Twon1 is

Notice how in r/seo, he mentions coinbosts. And then, two hours later, in r/marketing, he acts as though he has no idea of coinbosts!!

Tell me you're a scammer without telling me you're a scammer

HAHAHAHAHAHA

if we're talking about numbers, here's and interesting article. Optimal stopping problem applies perfectly to dating. Even comes with its own calculator. https://www.omnicalculator.com/other/dating-theory

Go look up Reddit Enhancement Suite. It has a feature where you can hover over a username and click Ignore. Boom, they're blocked forever, troll down. Never reply to trolls, you should have just stopped reading after "big dick anger", whatever that means.

Don't take this as an endorsement since I haven't heard good things since I left. But I went to a code bootcamp called Lambda School they charge 17% of your first two years of income even after that I'm making nearly double what I did before. My advice would be to try out www.freecodecamp.org/. If that doesn't work for you look for a code bootcamp that has what's called an ISA which means they take a portion of your income for a year or two. Check all the fine print makes sure they don't have application minimums, or other things that can lock you in, if you fail at the job search. Then honestly just take the plunge that's the hardest part. It was a huge risk and I'm glad I took it. Though be warned they are called bootcamps for a reason they are grueling, if you aren't sure this is something you want to do you probably won't make it through. But if you are committed and work hard it can change your life.

Meh, I like chubby girls and I've always been thin. Currently working on getting fit. It's not just fat women that get shamed though, especially when articles get published with titles like Plus-Sized Women Admit They Aren't Attracted To Overweight Men. Overweight people in general are shamed, but it's pretty obvious the fat acceptance movement isn't for "plus-sized men". Obesity in general isn't seen as a health condition that requires treatment, but a moral issue that requires condemnation. It's not a good thing, nor is it helpful, but we don't have to pretend fat men don't get shit too.

I don't know about this tbh. I do this and have gotten 0 matches and 0 dates with pictures like these in 10 years. Care to give me some pointers? Like seriously, I don't think my profile is terrible. Ok the pictures are a bit bland but I think they show my interests(gaming and hiking). And I show a bit who I am in my bio too.

Here is my profile: https://tinder.com/@louis299

Well my dear this is not true. I do everything you mention in my profile and get 0 matches: https://tinder.com/@louis299

Now truthfully, would you swipe right on me? We both know that answer is and why(no because I don't have God tier IG level pictures). Truth is on OLD women don't care about the guy ... just the pictures. Well maybe I should hire a professional photographer to take cool pictures with me but I just don't feel like it. I guess that means no SO for me ... unfortunately.

Ok thanks for the review. I think you are right about setting up a fake profile because female profiles are a terrible example(they have nothing in there usually).

But hey this is my latest updated: https://tinder.com/app/profile

Is the bio better? I also don't understand about why you said I am not smiling in any of my pictures. I literally was smiling in almost every single of them except the group one ... And believe it or not ha. I spent a lot of time working on this.

Good advice. Also, if you're always "fishing, hunting, snowboarding," you can just start a group for those activities on Meetup.com and let people know you're out there. It's a good way to make friends and maybe find women who are into the same things you like.

I don't drink at all, but will still go to a bar with "the gang".

Stay away from Onling Dating,...it is a social cancer.

Create an account on Meetup.com and see if there are any meetup groups you can get involved in. You meet people via your social life rather than being "on the hunt". so the social life comes first.

It just means the best guys aren't on Dating Apps. I have one on my phone and I barely ever use it,...just seems a waste of time.

Get off the dating apps.

Meet guys in your social life. If you have no social life than get one. Try Meetup.com and see if there are meetup groups in your area that look interesting.

Now about the butchy thing,...well, yea, maybe. It isn't just appearance, it is also in the way you talk, act, attitudes, etc. But they won't know about that on a dating app. However, it is very important to maintain proper sexual polarity. A relationship cannot be built on two masulines or two feminines. It has to be one feminine and one masculine. Masculine is attracted to feminine and vice-versa. There is a decent book out there written to men called "How to be a 3% Man" that is very good at explaining this stuff. Although it is written to men, you can still learn from it where you should fit into the equation.

BTW - if that 67 is the 2-door hard top (sloped rear glass with triangle rear side glass), a 396 rather than the 327,...and there is a AR-15 or two in the safe,...you might be my chick.

Your voice will change and the rest you have control over,...so control it. You know as well as anyone what the characteristic are that imply someone is gay,...so don't allow yourself to follow those characteristics. Be in control of your self rather than go whichever way the wind blows. Having self-control is very attractive to women once you get away from immature "school girls" just looking for the "cute guy".

Online Dating is worthless IMO. Meet people through a social life. Check out Meetup.com and see if there are any Meetup Groups in your area. Then get the book "How to be a 3% Man".

First,...yes to offline.

Second, you are making it too complicated. You meet them through a social life. The way I get a social life is through Meetup.com and finding Meetup Group in my area and going to the events. I'm in a Meetup singles group that has 4,500 members.

Leave the Cold Approach in the Bars & Clubs to the PUAs. That is the hardest way to accomplish anything and the fastest way to get an STD you can't get rid of.

You will have to learn to get off the "I'm a romantic" thing. I'm not saying it is easy, but you have to. The best way to do that is build a social life and get out there with people even if not dating. It needs to be in a context where you have a chance to meet new people who could be potential dates. It is only a matter of time before you meet someone interesting. What kills you, cures you. Finding meetup groups in your area via Meetup.com is one well known way to do that.

Shy and introverted are not the same thing. Figure out which one you really are. Introvert is a person that just needs to get away from the crown to emotionally recharge, while the extrovert needs to find a crowd to be with in order to recharge. Other than that an introvert is perfectly normal and can be fully confident.

Introvert is a personality type that is permanent.
"Shy" is learned behavor and can be unlearned, it mostly stems from low-confidence.

What can you do otherwise? Go to Meetup.com and create an account, then find Meetup Groups in your area that interest you and build a social life from that.

As somone who grew up in the 1990s, I can confirm Dating / Seduction / SEX was much easier:

1. No #ME TOO movement to scare guys off
2. No TINDER to ruin relationships
3. No Instagram to over-inflate LOOKS
4. No Instagram Filter to hide overweight, facial flaw
5. people actually MEET in Real Life
6. Bars, Meetup.com, Hiking, Dance Clubs
7. if chemistry is right, you go home w/her to have sex
8. if chemistry is wrong, she throw a drink @you in your face. NO GHOSTING ;-)
9. you always know where you STAND
10. because her Facial Expression tell it all
11. If she is HAPPY to see you, or if she is unhappy to see you, its WRITTEN all over her face/ body language

I would have to agree. SEX is easier in the old day when people actually go out to meet each other IN PERSON.

People are also more FAKE (unreal). They present a very Sexual Daring photo on Instagram, but when you meet them IRL, they are so shy & sexually inhibited.

I prefer the old days when you can easily spot truly Sexual Confident men & women on the dance floor. They are who they are, they don't act one way on photo then act another way IRL.

I've been trying that, and I think I might be on the right track, but whenever I look for events like that, all I get are Meetup.com meetups, and that site is pretty garbage from what I've seen. Plus, I'm pretty sure that site is 18+, anyways