What are /r/adultery's favorite Products & Services?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

You're welcome

I was so nervous when we had our first overnight. We both were.

We made plans of spending the entire time between the sheets (or on the couch, or against the wall, or in the shower lol), but ended up only having sex once the entire time. The rest of the time we reveled in being able to act like a normal couple. We went on a hike, went out to dinner, caught a show, sat outside on the patio drinking and talking about anything and everything. It was great.

Yes. I go back and forth all the time. I already asked for a divorce about 3 months ago...then SO wanted so much to work on things. Now, it feels like the whole situation is much better (much improved DB), but it's not like the rest of our marriage is awesome either. We've been together for 26 years...and even though I would be completely financially OK if I left, I still feel too much in limbo to commit to leaving again. If only my SO were HALF as awesome as my LDAP. What's really fucked up is that my LDAP and I are so much in love...and I don't want to lose him...so I feel like if I stay with SO, LDAP and I can still be together...but if I opt for divorce, LDAP won't be enough for me and I will have to say goodbye. LDAP won't leave his wife.

I just ordered a book from Amazon:

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by- Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether Stay or Get out Your Relationship https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525940693/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_BRCYCb9G23B66

I'm hoping it helps me get some much-needed clarity.

Good luck.

Right now probably a 5, once they release the information a 8 and for the rest of my life a 2.

https://haveibeenpwned.com you can search your email, name, username on a bunch of major breaches including Adultfriendfinder. It's a matter of time before AM ends up on that site or any similar one.

It only includes that your account was compromised, but if any tech savvy person finds out (like say your future kids) at any point in your life and they can get ahold of whatever data there is. You guys should be more worried on the long term.

I never had any sexual encounters with anyone from AM, but I've had some very explicit conversations with some women from there that would be incredibly embarrassing to become public. I hope to God there's no message logs. :(

This whole thing makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

I recently made some big changes, to become again the woman my husband fell in love with. We've been together 17 years, and our marriage was dying. It has been working! He is showing attraction for me, whereas a year and a half ago, all I got was contempt. I feel like the chemistry is returning.

I tell you this, because it's unfair to compare anAP to a wife. I am so much freer with an AP. This is natural. The stakes are much higher with a spouse. If I confess a fantasy to my spouse, that colors his opinion of me and impacts all areas of my life.

Two books: Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. Even if you leave, it may help prevent the same cycle from occuring again.

The Power of Habit: Your wife might really benefit from this enjoyable and useful book. It helped me make meaningful changes.

I'm not saying you shouldn't leave. This is a hard decision though, and you should feel like you can leave without regrets.

You can check if you or someone you know has been hacked on https://haveibeenpwned.com when the data is leaked normally. It won't give you any juicy details, but it will tell you weather or not someone is in the data.

A couple important data points about the hack, and an armchair analysis...

• First, the people at Ashley Madison think they have a good idea who it is. Reading through the pastebin in question, the hacker has a feud with Trevor Sykes, the CTO of Avid, but he has a positive relationship with Mark Steele, who joined the company in April (https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrsteele). That should narrow the possible hackers down to people you can count on a hand. Additionally, the feud most likely existed before April.

• If I were the hacker in question, I would burn my hard drives instantly. You've got information on there that could destroy the lives of 37 million people, mostly men, who are not accustomed to following the rules. Unless your server logs are perfect, and unless you cannot possibly be found via your pastebins and server logs, then if YOUR NAME comes out as the hacker somehow, either via an arrest or via someone else figuring out who you are, then you suddenly have 37 million people (none of whom are good at following rules) with a strong motivation to MURDER YOU IN COLD BLOOD. Yes, I mean the kind of murder you that involves coming to your house silently at 4 a.m. with something sharp. No, I am not threatening to kill the hacker myself. But many, many someone elses will DEFINITELY have the idea.

• This goes the same for anyone with the bright idea of creating a blackmail-type web site who charges money for searching in a purportedly leaked database. Threatening to ruin peoples' home lives has a way of making some people look for something sharp. Again, I am not threatening the blackmailer personally, but many many someones WILL threaten the blackmailer personally.

All in all, I think it's the hacker who's going to be losing the most sleep tonight, and perhaps for the rest of his life. It's one thing to doxx one person. It's another to doxx 37 million. How can you be sure that one of those 37 million won't find YOU?

Even if the SO is clueless about technology and finance, that doesn't mean the lawyer or the PI they hired to keep an eye on you is.

Any kind of bank or credit account in your name, even if paperless billing with a different address, could show up in a credit check. Worst case scenario, your SO gets a good divorce lawyer and they start poking around in your credit history, it's going to show up. Instead, buy Visa gift cards or reloadable debit cards with cash.

For all online activities, use a prepaid burner phone on a separate provider, buy the phone & the plan refills with cash or gift cards. Never cross contaminate accounts, i.e. never use the burner phone for work/personal social media or vice versa. Facebook & Google are known to correlate GPS to figure out who you're hanging out with, so keep location services off, or use FakeGPS. Use a PIN instead of Face/Touch ID to login so you can't be easily coerced into unlocking it, and set the phone to wipe itself if the wrong PIN is entered 10 times, so if you're caught with it, you can "accidentally" wipe it. (And have an alibi in case you're caught with it and this comes up... "Oh my friend gave me his old phone and asked me to wipe it securely.")

Always use a VPN like NordVPN or ProtonVPN etc., especially when on home/work WiFi. Use throwaway accounts with usernames that are totally unrelated to anything in your personal life, hobbies, or work. Different passwords/PINs, and preferably use secure email based outside of your home country like ProtonMail. (encrypted & can't be subpoenaed.)

Here's a list of my faves

Wild and tiny beautiful things by Cheryl strayed. She's anti cheating, but still has good lessons about finding yourself

You are a bad ass by Jen sincero

Eat pray love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

10% Happier by Dan Harris

The happiness equation by Neil pasricha

The subtle art of not giving a fuck by mark Manson

Year of yes. Shonda Rhimes

Sex at dawn

Mating in captivity by Esther Perel

Books about divorce I've been reading

Splitopia and conscious uncoupling. Both are good.

Go see a therapist!�� good luck!

I'm worried about your thought about driving into a pole. Please try to find a therapist to talk through your feelings. Also, there are great self help books to get your brain going in the right direction. 10% Happier by Dan Harris was recommended to me by someone on this subreddit and it has really helped. I have a long list of other self help books if you are interested.

By the way, I'm not saying you shouldn't have an affair, but I'm not sure it's going to solve your problems. Work on healing yourself and finding yourself at the same time - or maybe first.

Perel has a more recent book out which is even more relevant here: Rethinking Infidelity. She argues society is way too judgy about cheating, all things considered.

Nevermind...found it. Only available for Android. Anyone know of an iPhone version, or something like it?

Android link...for anyone interested: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.miragestacks.thirdeye&hl=en

Mobile Devices

Mobile devices make it really hard to maintain the same level of anonymity that it's possible to enjoy from a computer. There are some tips to try:

1) All of the same rules apply as with a computer - your smartphone really is a little computer with a SIM card attached:

• Never do anything in a regular browser - go incognito always
• Use your password manager - do not let apps autofill or remember credential. Better yet, don't use apps - just go to the website (e.g., Reddit in your phone browser, not on a reddit app).
• Always wipe your history. Download an app to clean your phone.

2) If you have to use a mobile app, hide it or delete it when you're done. This is a pain in the ass but it's the safest practice.

3) To effectively hide most apps, use a virtual environment like Parallel Space. A virtual environment lets you run mobile apps in a separate instance of your phone OS: so you actually have your fake Gmail account synced to your phone, but only in the virtual environment. Many mobile apps such as Tinder, Kik, BaconReader (a reddit reader app), and Gmail can be loaded in a virtual environment and removed from the regular phone environment, or run in parallel. It's kind of an optical illusion - basically, the apps work but they're invisible until someone opens the virtual environment, which is password protected.

I haven't personally, but I've actually heard of this phenomenon before. If I remember correctly, a rare condition, something to do with the sudden hormonal changes.

I'll try to find it, now you got me curious...

Edit: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sex-headaches/symptoms-causes/syc-20377477

Sounds like this? Guess not the hormones and not that rare...

You aren't pathetic. Be nicer to yourself than that.

I'd go to meetup.com. I love that place for hiking, but that's my thing. You find your thing you're interested in. You never know what will happen, but at the very least you know that you'll be doing something fun that you enjoy so you definitely aren't wasting your time.

And the universe has something in store for you. She's just taking her damn sweet time is all :) *hugs*

I just recently used mylabbox.com and it was great. Discreet shipping container, easy to use and they have a Groupon coupon right now: https://www.groupon.com/deals/mylab-box

Everything was negative thank God!

Wow you really are conservative! I couldn't imagine going without sex, let alone not cumming. I'd recommend that you get the Hitachi Magic Wand. It's always made everyone I've played with cum like a jack rabbit! ;-) If you buy one make sure you get it from an authorized retailer because there are a lot of fakes floating around. Especially online.

Marci Michaels speech pathologist has entertaining 2 books; covering exercises and technique The Low Down on Going down . Can only find the preview currently ( every 2nd page ) Though I did find the full .pdf file https://www.slideshare.net/book999tk/the-lowdown-on-going-down-how-to-give-her-mind-blowing-oral-sex-by-marcy-michaels-author-marie-desalle-72858001?qid=c5a13a02-65a3-4cad-84c5-ee986f014447&v=&b=&from_search=1

And the shorter Blow him away

https://www.slideshare.net/book999tk/blow-him-away-how-to-give-him-marcy-michaels-marie-desalle-72857982?qid=c695102c-647e-42c1-ac32-2d5c4223ec86&v=&b=&from_search=11

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=eztools.calculator.photo.vault that's the calculator one

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.enchantedcloud.photovault that's one of the gallery vaults

Kik brands itself as messaging largely for youth. They absolutely know what people are using it for, but that may not be where they see themselves in the market, nor where their funding comes from - they aren't going to build features for adultery. It also takes MUCH more than a week to ship anything that works on various versions of android and iOS for an app with this large a userbase.

ANYWAY... Almost all the features you want, you can get with App Cloner. The app clones the apk and allows you to install a second version of the app on your phone.

Open the app, select Kik, then go through the massive amount of menu options to change things. Among many many other things, you can:

-Change the name of the app -Change the app icon -Change the notification icon -Set a custom sound -Change the content of notifications (config what appears) -Require a password (you can even have it make a fake error and go in that way) -Keep it from showing in recent apps -Snooze a notification -Have notifications timeout

Enjoy!

I think that it adultery might be akin to an addiction. Even when we know it's bad for us, we do it anyway. There is a power to habits and intermittent rewards that I think you might have fallen prey to.

The Power of Habit is a great book, an enlightening read, and might help in this and really, in every aspect of life.

Guilt shows you that something feels wrong, but it isn't a motivator in and of itself. You need to really look at the root causes that lead you into this. When you can look at them and accept them, then you will be able to find another way to address that root issue.

All that said, I hope that you can find your way to happiness. You are in good company. I am struggling through my own lessons in all this as well.

Sure!

By Cheryl Strayed - Dear Sugar, Tiny Beautiful Things, and Wild

10% Happier by Dan Harris

Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zinn

The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha

The Subtle Art of Not giving a fuck by mark Manson

You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

Year of Yes by shonda rhimes

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Going to Pieces without Falling Apart by Mark Epstein

Sex at Dawn

Mating in Captivity

These books have been my walking friends for the last few years. I started reading them after I finished reading tons of affair recovery books. I learned so much about affairs before I ever got started.

OK, so I'm right, for completely the wrong reason. Apparently it has to do with one's sense of smell, according to this NPR article:

https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/12/14/505420193/we-unravel-the-science-mysteries-of-asparagus-pee

Though Yahoo Messenger may not be available for the iPhone anymore you can use Beejive http://www.beejive.com/iphone/yahoo-messenger/ I still prefer Yahoo Messenger because it works on the desktop too.

Try this site: https://www.photofeeler.com

Firstly, this site has a paid option if you want quick results. If not you can join the ranks of people rating photos. It takes about 30 mins of rating other people’s photos to get enough points for your photo to be rated. Rating is quite fun and I also give comments when necessary.

I was quite surprised which photos of mine were popular and got some good feedback. I thought I looked better in a hat but the comment was that bald guys use hats to hide their baldness. Hmm they sussed me.

I recommend giving it a try.

Depends because you have it linked to your iCloud or whatever email you use or bind it with your phone number. If you choose to bind it with your phone number it will appear on your iPhone but not on your monthly bill as it’s only data and not trackable.

I highly encourage people to use a VPN like NordVPN.com and https://getsession.org/ or https://element.io/. Alternatively Telegram is good too. For me I use telegram for work and friends so I try my best not to mix things up.

On android , you can easily use this app to set a location and there's no way Life360 will tell the difference, it'll just show up as whereever you want it to show up: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.lexa.fakegps&hl=en_US&gl=US

On iOS though, you are SOL, unless you jailbreak and do a bunch of other invasive stuff.

That'll (hopefully if they're not completely incompetent) be encrypted.

However, there will be evidence that your device is talking to snapchat's server at a certain time of day. Do you expect your SO is a tech nerd and will look through the router logs? Is there past precedent for this? Because that's going well beyond the norm. You're much more likely to be caught in other ways.

One way around logging phone use is to use a VPN app on your phone. I quite like NordVPN for the performance/price, but there are plenty of others that will work equally well. At that point the only thing on the router log will be an encrypted connection to a secure server.

Research for a good one. It's worth $5/month to use a paid one. I like VyprVPN at $10/month and it's got a bonus of Cyphr which is an encrypted messaging app. Very useful!

They have a free version you can try.

It's the same on Android - screenshots don't have exif data. You can also send it to yourself in kik and download it, or upload to imgur and download it. You can disable geotagging entirely as well.

photo exif editor also works really well for removing or editing any Exif data off photos if you don't want to disable location for all your photos or lose image quality with the methods above.

I didn't read your whole post or everyone's responses. I had a similar experience in the spring. It is really fucking scary. I took action. It's the only way I function. I wrote on here and got some stellar advice that I followed. I'll share with you in case the same people haven't. If they have, sorry for the repeat.

I had my guy start listening to 10% Happier by Dan Harris immediately. I enrolled him in a mindfulness meditation class (MBSR) and I found 3 psychologists for him to talk to and told him he had to pick one and go. I was very pushy and bossy about the whole thing. He has real business type problems on top of any marriage issues, and his issue was totally situational, but it was still necessary to deal with it immediately. Maybe he will come on here and respond to you also with advice. I hope he does.

Don't mess around and wait for him to be ok. Time to be a friend first now and take care of him like you would a friend. A best friend. I read a description of what it feels like to be overwhelmed by situations and it was described to me as it is like putting a heavy plate weight on top of your brain one right after the other after the other and eventually your brain will collapse, just like your body would if you added weight after weight after weight on top of your body. That visual totally helped me understand what was happening for my AP. And with all that crushing weight, the brain "breaks" - just like a body would. So then the hard work of fixing it has to happen.

I saw someone else mentioned the suicide hotline. Have him call it or call it yourself.

I'm here for you if you want to talk. I wrote about this under a different user name back in the spring and got amazing support. I'm happy to pay it forward.

Also a fellow Adultery poster recommended mbsr to me and I highly recommend it. It has really helped both my AP and me.

Mbsr= mindfulness based stress reduction.

These two books have helped a ton

10% Happier by Dan Harris

The Catastrophic Life. By John Cabot Zinn

Edit. Jon Kabat Zinn

I'm totally onboard with this. Through my own personal traumas and situations over the past few years, I've started "working on myself" a lot more.. including therapy, journaling, meditation, reading philosophy (my recommendation: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius).. etc.

My awareness of lack of deeper meaning is now full on.

Here we are.

This is really it.

We are all deeply flawed and floating around.. bumping into each other sometimes.

And I don't mean this in an existential dread sort of way.. quite the opposite in fact.

I actually try to be a pretty good person, adultery aside (or included depending on your perspective), and I find a lot more joy in my life because of it. I assign far less importance to just about everything. And for privileged people like us, usually everything turns out okay in the end no matter what.

There is no cure to the boredom, but we can become more aware of our reality to mitigate it.

You'd have closer to a month and a half to train and the run is only 8 miles!

True, different qualities for different individuals, kind of reminiscent of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It is very frustrating to lose out before things ever get started...

Typo :) it is all fun and games until someone shows for a first date with one of these https://www.amazon.com/Accu-Measure-Fitness-3000-Body-Caliper/dp/B000G7YW74/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=12L6M4VA9POTH&keywords=body+fat+caliper&qid=1671198340&sprefix=body+fat+caliper%2Caps%2C142&sr=8-5

This is a secret that most women won't admit to, until post divorce. (May be the same for men, but only women I know have admitted). Several of my friends admitted that they were early 30s, wanted kids, and picked the best men they were dating at the time, to get married. Even with all the fertility treatments, including freezing your eggs, there is something about not waiting until everything is "perfect" to have kids.

There is also a book, Marry Him Settling for Mr. Good enough. That said, the US social standards have changed/are changing, and getting married isn't the pinnacle it once was. In fact the US is more single than married.

On the other side of the coin for women, sure we can find sex, but most women either want more, or need more (especially financially, as women still lag men's paychecks with similar job).

I will stun you even more, I have very few friends who are not divorced. The exception are the ones who are/were SAHM, they don't have the financial means to leave.

Millionaire next door is a book that just shows that often people with lots of money are low key.

I know of Dave Ramsey, but haven't followed him, but didn't realize he was evangelical Christian. Learn something new everyday.

My whole point is when you are 19 without potentially a lot of life experiences an "exclusive" bar may be filled with flashy people who are up to their eyeballs in debt. Especially some young women are lured into bad situations, thinking someone is wealthy, when all they are is up to their eyeballs in debt. Which is why these older men pull one on these younger women. They can't fool women their own age, who see right through them.

The way I see it, I’m just toughening them up and giving them a leg up on witty comebacks. They’ll be dad-joking (🤞🏻) so hard that nobody will want to offer them drugs in a few years. Controlled nerd-therapy.

Check out articles like this:

http://osxdaily.com/2012/03/19/unhide-purchases-app-store/

Do some experimenting with a totally harmless app and see what you can come up with. Kik isn’t special, it’ll behave just like any other app. There is also a wealth of OpSec knowledge here. I advise you look at your google timeline (if, like breathing, you use google maps ever...), and how your location sharing works amongst your family phones/devices.

Under the dash - Get some heavy duty velcro adhesive strips

​

https://www.amazon.com/VELCRO-Brand-Mounting-Adhesive-Concrete/dp/B09BNPHCZX/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=37G7Y9ZSQWP5R&keywords=strong+velcro+strips+with+adhesive+heavy+duty&qid=1667165109&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI0LjM3IiwicXNhIjoiMy43MiIsInFzcCI6IjMuNjQifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=strong+velcro+%2Caps%2C104&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1

Are you on Android, or iPhone?

If Android - you can use a Work profile if you don't have one set up yet. That will let you install the same app twice on your phone. If you're on a Samsung device, they provide a Secure Folder that does this as well (you can use both the Work profile as well as the Secure Folder, too).

You can use an app like Shelter (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.typeblog.shelter&gl=US) to setup a Work profile without needing to use any enterprise management stuff. There's quite a bit of flexibility here - you can set the icon, change the name, and set a password. Very similar to Secure Folder from Sammy.

Additionally, try out Hushed for getting phone numbers to use for phone verification. Most VoIP providers are blocked by apps like Whatsapp and Snap for doing verification - Hushed included. However, the nice thing about Hushed, is they let you preview which number you'd like prior to selecting it. So, you can check out which numbers are available, try to use it as a verification number in whatever app you're using, and if the app allows it, snag the number in Hushed.

I'm not familiar with iPhone, so I can't help out there

If you don’t already have one, get a hitachi Magic Wand(the original, not one of the cheaper lookalikes) and use it on yourself while you’re on top. He’ll cum slower & you’ll cum faster. 🙂

Better yet, ask him to buy it!

Thank you for your responses.

>Hoping he will fall in love with me.

I am sure he cares for you, and maybe may even love you. HOWEVER, that essentially doesn't mean he is going to walk away from his new wife and 1 year old baby for you. Not trying to be harsh, but it is rare that a man blows up his life, there are so many consequences. Knowing that he essentially did this with his current wife (sounds like she might have been his mistress), people/business associates may have given him a pass, but if he does it again, he will be a black sheep. It also gives you a data point that he is probably a huge womanizer, and this is a something he does for his ego. In other words, you are his current love interest, and I hate to say this, but he may get bored and start on his next challenge. Trust me, that is also really tough.

I agree with the other poster, on speaking to a therapist. I also recommend the book, Attached, which actually has a section on when women (mostly) fall for married men. It isn't uncommon and falls into one of the categories. It is helpful to understand that you are not alone.

Good luck to you, you sound like a lovely young women. The fact that you reached out to this forum to get insight is a great first step.

You could also try a period sponge! I find them much more comfortable than the flex cup. You wet hit, put it in, and it feels just like your insides, no one would ever know.

Here’s an Amazon link to the ones I use. They are reusable.

sponges!

You must be a hoot in labyrinths. Which way to go? Do I consult Emerson, or Thoreau?

Sounds to me as if you are looking for an Atlas, and, if it's navigation you are after, then I can recommend:

https://www.amazon.nl/Phantom-atlas-greatest-myths-blunders/dp/1471159450/ref=asc_df_1471159450/?tag=nlshogostdsp-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=452954067289&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=10958361749345859555&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt....

An omnibus of mistakes by those that saw the world around them not as it was, but as what they wrongly thought it was.

If there were a more fitting description of your situation, I have yet to see it.

I kept a box of shower wipes in my car. They saved me several times when things heated up in unexpected ways without a shower around.

I have found that telegram is one of the best. It has a biometric/ping code lock, disappearing messages, hidden chats, and so on. You can keep your notification on and he can disable that if he does not want a notification.
No matter what he uses, he can use "Audio Manager" on top of it. It's an app that locks your messaging app and if someone tries to run the messaging app, it shows a screen as if there was an error running the app. only the owner knows that if they enter a specific key sequence, it will open their messaging app .

​

Also one thing that I always tell ppl, no matter if its your phone or PC, put a min auto screen lock on it. Sometimes its hassle but its saved you from bigger issues

For text messages I had some success with TextMe https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.textmeinc.textme

but it was not always a reliable app.

Check if your phone can support two sim cards, or a sim card and an e-sim, and then buy a cheap Tesco mobile sim only or PAYG sim

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills and here is a great workbook too.

If you truly want to make changes in your life, I would highly recommend this book: Attached

It was an eye opener for me, and there is a type (I believe fearful avoidant), who chooses partners that are in other relationships.

Considering that they are a subscription site and they were breached once, do y'all really feel AM is safe? Seems risky to me. On that note- if anyone is curious if any of their accounts have ever been hacked, just drop your email address into this site and it will run a query against lists of known breaches. I found my email address included in 8 breaches. Scary stuff. Well, this is my opsec contribution. https://haveibeenpwned.com/

>i have a different gmail account which gives me
>
>Gmail
>
>Google Voice
>
>Google Drive
>
>Google Photos
>
>WhatsApp backup source
>
>I open the chrome browser in INCOGNITO mode and log in and thus when im done i just swipe the window close and its gone gone.
>
>If i ever want to re-live my memories i just sign in (INCOGNITO) and go to google drive and have fun.

I add to that a protonmail.com email.

Three steps for you to consider.

Step 1: Tell him you love him and all the stuff you said in that wonderful paragraph.

Step 2: Get a new secure email client (protonmail.com - with a new gmail account to tie it to and do not like the old one directly to the new one!)

Step 3: Move all your other contacts to the new secure email and delete the one your problem contacts.

Meetup.com has a whole category just for this. Facebook events and Nextdoor announcements come to mind also. If you still have a local bookstore around, many of them have story time events for children and their parents.

Since you're going to school and you're still very young, can you join a service club there or something?

Speaking of young, if your marriage is already on the skids I encourage you to exit sooner rather than later. I'm on my way out and I'm thumping myself on the head because I didn't do this 20 years ago.

If you want an extra layer of protection I recommend an app called Fingersecurity https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.rickclephas.fingersecurity. You can lockdown critical apps so that lets say you let someone view a photo, it will prevent them from snooping, among other things.

Have you tried using a picture from: https://thispersondoesnotexist.com/

It generates pictures of people using AI technology. The people don't really exist. You can save the picture as a JPG. Click the "ANOTHER" down in the lower right corner to generate more pictures until you find one you want to use.

Most investors in AM's parent company Avid Media Life are anonymous, but there is info on at least one of them.

The investors are Biderman's boss as they own the company. The investors need to be publicly pressured to motivate Biderman to keep our PII private.

Tino Dietrich Evidence he's an investor in Avid: https://angel.co/tino20144

Professional background: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tinodietrich

This is from the Telegram FAQ:

"On Telegram, you can send messages in private chats and groups without making your phone number visible. By default, your number is only visible to people who you've added to your address book as contacts. You can further modify this in Settings > Privacy and Security > Phone Number. "

https://telegram.org/faq#q-who-can-see-my-phone-number

I have added the emphasis.

It looks like the person you are talking to would not see your phone number, but anyone on Telegram who is in your contacts can see your number by default.

Also, as had been discussed numerous times on this subreddit, anyone who was on Telegram when you joined and had your number in their contacts would be alerted that you joined.

Hey, I'm a tourist in this subreddit. Just discovered it ten minutes ago and having a look around. I'm not even married.

I am a computer nerd though and after Ashley Madison got hacked and the their entire user database and a ton of internal email records were leaked I downloaded it and browsed around.

In my opinion you do not want to sign up for this company. Not only is their security complete trash they have also built an extensive system of bots and canned / scripted message threads to lead their primarily male userbase on with bogus female accounts.

As for where people are finding AP's, beats me man. I can't even find a regular P.

Be careful accounting doesn't catch on. I don't know if hotels.com would report that as a writeoff and 1099 your company. Then accounting goes looking into it because of the tax liability. You might want to look into that.

https://www.di.fm/synthwave

​

I love this site and its sister sites, and I was thrilled when they finally added a synthwave channel, it's my favorite genre!

Notice this! To avoid privacy invasion, you need to get the approval of the target phone user firstly. Besides most SMS tracker require physical installation and configuration, which can be set to be hidden.

There are also many many real names AND addresses from previous data dumps out there. Have I been pwned (https://haveibeenpwned.com/PwnedWebsites) has a list of them. That would really muddy the waters if someone were to use those ones too.

Hi @theoffendedliberal,

Are you married or in a relationship? I'm not sure this is the right place, it's not match.com

Have you tried r/IndiaDating or r/IndiaDates ? you may have better responses there

Adult Friend Finder is a good one. it's still a sausage party but the women on there don't typically confuse it for Match.com (in that they arent looking for love...they know its sex)

A workaround on mobile is to use incognito mode in chrome or use DuckDuckGo browser and 'burn' when closing. Even being logged into the google system on android phone, that keeps it all contained. to chat, use 'hangouts.google.com' with requesting desktop site. But you can't do picshare from there. Oh, and remember to remove any username from your dictionary/autocomplete when you type it in.

If anyone wants the ultimate private messaging app it would be https://getsession.org/ it uses the tor network, highly encrypted, you don’t even need to make an account and has a self destructing timer.

A runner up is: https://element.io/

P.S I don’t recommend using Kik at all. Get your friends to switch to Telegram.org and keep your private life on getsession.org. Both encrypted and secure.

I think that an apology could be an amazingly cathartic and wonderful thing for both you and Jake.

BUT...

Only if it's done for the right reasons, and in the right way. I would *highly* recommend reading A Good Apology by Molly Howes as a prerequisite before doing so.

My heart breaks for you though. Hurting the ones we love is hard enough, hurting them and losing them forever is gut-wrenching.

I wish you courage in your journey; suffering is a choice that's usually the result of fear.

Well, when it’s brand new to you if feels terribly taboo! And in my case, very involuntary, so it had attached to it this automatic, HUGE power exchange. So he was able to override control of my own body, which requires enormous trust and feels really vulnerable. So if you’re in that mental space (and slightly neurotic like me), you have the potential to interpret almost anything as derogatory or as an unwarranted attack.

I had to believe he was okay with the squirt, which was my own mental thing to get over…but his showing appreciation and arousal as a reaction was really big incentive! And he had to be unfailingly both positive and casual…yes, it’s amazingly hot when you do it, but it’s the cherry on the sundae. This is perfection as it is, anything else is just extra, so zero pressure.

And then as a practical matter, nothing is worse to rest in than a wet bed!! We quickly discovered waterproof, washable underpads and it provides for an easy evening. Pull the pads off the bed and throw them in the wash, you don’t have to remake the whole damn bed.

So many wonderful possibilities! You could spend some time over on r/swingers. Ask some questions there. And if you or your wife are readers, you might grab "The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to. Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Love and Sex" by Janet Hardy. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0399579664/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_H71F7M23ZAK8RRCGND43

There is a book I read on this concept. Fiction, of course.

"I love you*: *subject to the following terms and conditions "

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0765386100/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_vz-0FbTS09NXM

It covered some of the landmines in this. Interesting were the attempts to include frequent sex in the contracts.

It is good to have that realization, but honestly what people do to others, they will do to you. Do you want him to say that about you, when/if someone else comes along?

I would really encourage you to talk to someone or really explore your "insane jealousy", as I suspect it is a feeling covering up something else. Because you are going to end up hurt in this situation, because there is a very small chance, he is going to change his life for you.

One book or resource that you might find useful is the book Attached. I found it very eye opening for myself.

There has been a lot of research from the site OKCupid and even a book published Dataclysm, but in the end, looks/picture matters.

Article to a dating example (older article, but many of these concepts persist) - "We’re going to look at how your photos affect both the messages you get and how successful your own outgoing messages are. We all know that beautiful people are more successful daters, but let’s quantify by exactly how much."

SO probably thinks that the 'more than vanilla' stuff is out of bounds and not possible with you because of this dynamic you have that transpired from whatever reason (neither of you but from his perspective mainly you not having much sexual experience before the relationship). This would explain why he 'behaves as if' he's just not interested in sex at all. If he's a man, he's very interested in sex. He's probably being avoidant because that conversation isn't going anywhere and he thinks that your dynamic is stuck so that it won't go anywhere. I should know because years ago I found myself in this exact situation. Finding an AP to fix this is sad. Allow me to recommend a book that was fun and helpful - https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Role-Nerds-Tom%C3%A1s-Redrose-ebook/dp/B01C6HLQPW/

Yes. I use ProtonVPN and also their ProtonMail. because they are based in Switzerland, and open source which is more secure than proprietary as their software is open to inspection by anyone nad some very knowledgeable people look for security issues in this kind of thing as a mater of personal pride,

They are subject to strict Swiss privacy laws and also your password is your encryption key which means they can't get access to your account even if they wanted to even under a government order which is virtually impossible to happen.

​

I tether though my phone via the charging/data cable which is more secure and faster than doing so via WIFI or Bluetooth which are vulnerable to MIM attacks which can be done evidently without having to break encryption simply by rebroadcasting the encrypted credentials and masquerading as the legitimate computer.

ProtonVPN's documentation states that when a phone is running their VPN and being used to tether that all data is going through the VPN (assuming you don't have it configured to be split which is an option that can serve various purposes. I don't spit as I have no reason.

Ah we go....😂

Usernames: So first would most likely be fairly obvious and that’s I use a screen name/username that is unique and and not similar to any others that are connected to you. One method to use is It was originally designed for people to check if the username they want to use for a business or to be an social media “influencer” was unique and then they could go to all these platforms and acquire that name so no one else could use it.

Passwords: This is something that a lot of people don’t really think about. It’s never a good idea to recycle passwords, however using passwords that you use on personal accounts and using them on your anonymous accounts is nooooo buenooo! Passwords aren’t very hard to trace back to someone especially if they are very unique and have been used on multiple sites. Troy Hunt made a website called and basically he collected data breaches and allOwed people to enter their emails to see if they have been compromised.

VPN: Always use a VPN. You’re ISP does not need to see what you’re doing. ProtonVPN is a great VPN that has a free service. This is the only free VPN I would recommend, the company is privacy driven and finds the free VPNs through their sales of their VPNs that offer more services.

Virtual Machine: depending on how deep you want to get into the weeds I would suggest using a Virtual Machine on your computer if you use your computer to look for an AP. I would also download an android emulator on the virtual machine and use that to access my apps and what not. Virtual Box is free and of you have a PC VMWare is also free.

Internet Browser: find a good browser that isn’t chrome, explorer or safari. Firefox and Brave are great ice hey are configured.

Those are just a few tidbits that I have. Some may be “more extreme” for your average user and others may find it useful.

Many women supplement penetrative sex with this. I'm not trying to be funny. It's worth giving it a try.

I see no problem asking anonymous people about the dick episode. In my view it's better than, say, going to people he knows.

As a parting thought, you are resentful of what he did, and perhaps for good reason too. Regardless of how just your anger is and how badly you've been wronged, there is a decision point coming as to how you deal with this. There are two distinctly different and separate issues here (and these are generally applicable to all of his past transgressions, no matter how bad they were):

1. how do you get past it yourself (this is purely internal and has nothing to do with him)?
2. how do you both reconcile - what does he need to do to make him a safe or likable partner?

#1 you must do regardless. It's about dumping past baggage that weighs you down. It's not forgetting and it's not forgiving. It's removing the emotional power from it to where it's just a thing that happened and it's behind you.

#2 You might decide that there is no reconciliation. There is nothing he can do to make you want to be around him. Or maybe there are things he needs to do. Maybe there's something you need to do. Since we're in an adultery sub, you might decide that 10 ONS's is the price of reconciliation. You could do that in secret or tell him that's the deal, take it or leave it. I'll leave the issue of ethics up to you.

I've had to go through this too and if you want a proper framework on forgiveness, consider this book from Amazon - it's very good at laying it all out.

I found counseling results are very much dependent on what you go in with. It's like you have to read every book as pre-work and push things as far as you can personally and use them to provide objective help on what you're already doing.

Yeah, but only as much as you have to trust your ISP and cell carrier. A VPN you are paying them to keep their mouths shut. Plus they honestly don't give a shit what you do.

I use NordVPN. They are solid, and not part of the list of vast quantities of VPN services that are all owned by three companies. Finding the owner and the company's actual country of residence is a little sketchy, but they claim not to keep any logs anyway. All in all they seem ok from the due diligence I did on them. Who knows in this day and age, though.

������������������

This is from Amazon put the company that sells it i have spoken to and i test their toys so i know the product.

Vibrating Strap-On Dildo Wearable Sex Harness with Realistic Silicone Dildo Rechargeable Wireless Remote Control for Pegging Couple Women Lesbian Sex Fun, 8.7'' https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QNQC67B/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_QQewDbYCWGBVD

I use Kik for messaging, and I think it’s often referred to as the cheaters app

Protonmail for email

Blur for secure browsing (mostly AM) and password storage (they offer anonymous credit cards but I have never had any luck making them work)

NordVPN for VPN (though kik doesn’t seem to connect when it is on)

Coverme is a great app but I don’t use it much. Wickr Me is very secure but I have found few pAPs who use it.

Also, depending on your phone, check your location services settings and also check to see if downloading a new app automatically downloads to any other devices in your household.

Finally, since some of the above requires payment - either get a second credit card for legitimate purchases like VPN etc. or get a prepaid card (bought with cash if you like) from the grocery store for sites like AM where a security breach would be painful.

Opsec fundamentals: - Anonymize - Compartmentalize - Adulterize ;)

A VPN will work no matter if you are on cellular or WiFi. It encrypts all traffic from your phone to the server that you are contacting. So if you are on a VPN and on your WiFi at work, they would not see what sites you are visiting. I pay for ExpressVPN service. It stays running all the time.

VyprVPN is by far the best. Think it's only $6/mo.

I used it back in my software and movie piracy days. It has pretty much the best reputation.

ETA- I use it now, especially at work if I connect to our WiFi. We have filters in place that block Reddit and messaging apps. I'm the network guru, but I'm still cautious.

My personal favorite is VyprVPN at $5/month. You can choose what server location you want to route through. They have an app for all the major platforms, so it's simple to use. You can jump into a US server for Google Voice, then jump to a UK server to watch different Netflix content.... So fun!

Jitsi for video calling TextNow for texting (google voice and burner also can issue alternate phone numbers) Signal, Wire, Telegram, or Kik for chatting.

If you're on Android, you can get an app lock app that will password protect individual apps - I use this one. It'll hide notifications if you like, or do that manually.

You can also use a custom launcher like Nova to keep these apps from showing in your app list.

These apps will still show in your lists of apps using battery; if you really need to hide that, I have a comment in my history about app cloners, but that's getting really deep.

If he has a Samsung phone, Samsung Knox will do all that ^ for you.

If he has an iPhone... There are fewer options.

You can use an app cloner like this one to clone the apps; this particular cloning app lets you upload a custom icon and name the app whatever you want; that's how it appears in your settings/location/whatever. Pick something like the weather or to-do list, maybe a file backup - something boring that might be running in the background, and it would arouse less suspicion.

For those of us Android users not on a Samsung phone, this app also lets you put a password on the app clone (I'd much rather explain away a password than my kik convos). I use Nova Launcher and hide the clone from my app list, then put a password on it. I figure if he finds that, we're probably well into "he already knew" territory.

That’s when you order the biggest scariest MFing dildo possible and “accidentally” leave that monster stuck to the shower wall. ��

Or pick one so big he can’t hide it. The Moby, World’s Largest Retail Dildo, 3 Ft https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MOTE1Y6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_llOTBb10X1VGX

Been really wanting to try these out.... https://www.amazon.com/Dalliance-Adult-INCLUDING-instructional-Beautifully/dp/B01J416LEO

Seems like fun!

I cannot recommend the book, "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley enough... Incredible.. as I started reading it I was like WOW.. this is so accurate! Amazing.. .Its a book about the fundamental needs of men and women.. and its written with specifics and a frankness I have not seen elsewhere.. give it a try.. seriously.

https://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-Proof/dp/0800744233

I am sort of in your situation.. I've been married almost 20 years.. two kids, 17 and 15.... many people would consider me to be the "perfect husband" in that I provide for the family, i'm more or less a "super dad".. i'm fit, funny, intelligent.. treat my wife well..

over the years, though our marriage went to crap. It basically sounded like your's.. My wife became my 'business partner', really only initiating conversation to give me commands or to complain about something.. She had no desire for sex and told me so, directly.. she gained a ton of weight.

I wasn't perfect either.. I started a friendship with a girl half my age who used to be in my youth group that I lead.. she came back to our area after going away to college and asked me for some advice, etc.. we started texting and one thing lead to another and we had a mini affair.. I'll call it "mini" because we never slept together but we did kiss a few times, but mostly it was just conversation all day, every day via texting.. we just loved chatting with each other.. the very thing that my wife and I didn't share..That's the only "affair" I've ever had

anyway, my wife eventually found out about it.. things blew up.. We started going to a marriage counselor and I found that book by Harley... i wish I had found it 10 years ago... its truly an amazing book and could have saved us a TON of problems... It may be too late now for us.. .we'll see... but I would definitely recommend that book...

>I’m stuck in this daily routine and don’t know how to get out.

Read the book The Power of Habit. It is life changing. You need to shake something up so that you get off of the habit rut that you are in. It will be uncomfortable at first. That's good!! That means you're doing something different!!

It helped me to take control over a small part of my day. For me, I go for daily exercise walks, usually before anyone else wakes up. It makes me feel like I control something in my life. Somehow, just doing that has given me more agency and confidence in other areas of my life as well.

Wonderful quotes and reading lists, everyone! Off the top of my head

The Art of Seduction (all books by Robert Greene are very good), also Mastery, The Art of War, The Rules of Power

What French Women Know

La Seduction : How The French Play At The Game Of Life

I must remember the rest of them ...need to go through my secret bookshelf.

I also enjoy reading online guides on how to seduce women, because I like to attract with femininity to let their guard down but ooze a charismatic vibe that turns a mans hidden unexpressed vulnerable insides into jelly.

But thats just me.

Don't rent one unless you have to (eg: if you're particularly short, ugly, socially awkward, etc). Seriously: don't do it. Much MUCH more fun is to actually meet people in public. Go to a few yoga classes, meet girls there. Stop by a town hall meeting and put out the vibe. Heck, stop a pretty gal on the street and tell her she's beautiful.

A great book to help is Models by Mark Manson.

If you're lazy/awkward - at least just use Tinder. Your hit/miss ratio will be really bad, but at least she'll genuinely be interested in you as a person, and you won't leave her feeling empty like you would with a prostitute.

Here's what you need to do....find some time in your schedule 2 maybe 3 days and go away. Tell your family and friends you need time off and to not come looking for you until a week has passed. Leave your cell phone, leave your computer, leave your iPad, all of it behind. Get in your car and drive far away. Pack a backpack,maybe some fishing gear and drive. Drive you think you've gone far enough.

Once you're there go into the woods or the park or the lake sit and enjoy the view. Talk, actually talk and make conversations with strangers and passerbys. Take in the scenery, go fishing. Just unwind and let your mind wander. Talk to yourself and address your problems. I highly suggest you read this book

I think you should upgrade his morning library trip with new material. I recommend https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260

Sometimes it takes a different perspective to get the message home. I learned some new tricks from the book myself! :-)

When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships by Mira Kirshenbaum was very helpful for me

Your husband's reaction is not unusual, but what is unusual is his continued resentment over three years. Usually, harboring that much bitterness leads to a rapid deterioration of the marriage until it is unsalvageable. How did he catch you? What were the circumstances of you being discovered? And how emotional did the affair become?

There's a great book I recommend for partners learning to forgive their unfaithful spouses, entitled (interestingly) "After the Affair":

https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0062122703/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474551400&sr=8-1&keywords=after+the+affair

But bottom line, we are here to support you. Your husband either can, or cannot, accept who you are. There's no going back - there is only moving forward.

Please, tell us more about what happened.

Indeed. My SO is hardly lazy (outside of the bedroom), but to my mind she does make a lot of things much more complicated than they need to be. I don't think any time savings in labor would actually translate into more time/interest/desire/generosity in the bedroom and I'm on a path to getting over that, but still it is frustrating to see her do it for all the difficulty it causes her otherwise. And it's funny because I think I could handle being an observer to that, if only she brought something to the table sexually (not that there's ever a table).

Laundry is easy, barely meriting lucidity much less actual thought. I just did the family's week's worth and it took all of three hours, and since I wasn't using one of these I was in fact able to get a whole lot of other stuff done during those three hours. To be fair there will still be a dedicated 15-20 minutes later in the day to empty the drying racks and fold, and I didn't wash bedding this week, though I might do that tomorrow because, you know, easy. OP, having these things done for one is nice and certainly something to be appreciated but unless the people in your life are more child than adult it's hardly necessary. On my own I think I could get away with spending four hours a month at laundry and an hour or two a day at food, leaving copious time for real life.

> What were very wrong reasons if you don't mind disclosing?

the very wrong reasons:

• she was open to and celebrated me loving her very deeply. Problem: I never thought to check to see if she was feeling and acting the same way in return (in kind) or just merely mirroring me
• we came from the same town out west, had grown up with an almost identical value set. Problem: shared "general" values are even worse than shared "lifestyle" values at positing a false feeling of compatibility
• it seemed that we were both artists because we both had skills in a certain artistic field. Problem: she doesn't have the spirit of an artist, working every single day, committed to and constantly refining and improving the artistic process, being totally committed to the artist's way as expressed so very well in Twyla Tharp's excellent book The Creative Habit

is this the one you're talking about?

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.trigtech.privateme&hl=en

It sounds perfect. I think there are others just like this, but I'm not sure how to find them.

edit: won't open like you said. crashes on android 8.